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iUVV IvIWLUi Ludicrous A.llianc Altered 3 \ i 'f|:;.;j <f^--^^. '^ -M-h: One of the most roman t?o episooos JD the Ufe of P-e^idon? Abraham Lin coln i as recently !been brought t o Ught by Norman Hapgood, in ?ii old ie Uer, ??ted Springfield, Illa., April 1, 1838, and written by Mr. Lincoln to Mrs. O. H. frowning. From this ancient document whose genuineness is undis puted, it seeme that Mr. Lincoln, ts the result of a rash promise, made io tho sister of a young lady whom he bad not seen since his formal intro* dootion to her some three years pre-' vio us, became the dupe of matrimon ial entanglements which might have changed materially the whole course of his career had he not been fortu nate enough to cztrioate himself from ' them in the most unexpected manner. At the time Mr. Lincoln was an ob scure young barrister still short of thirty. But the story is best told by the letter itself . which ie full of the whimsical touches of humor so char acteristic of Mr. Lincoln, ?-. "Springfield, His., April 1, 1838. Dear Madam--Without apologizing for being egotistical I shall make the history of so much oft my life as has elapsed since I saw you the subject of this lotter. And, by the way, I now discover that in order to give you an intelligible account of the ..things !, have done and suffered I shall neces sarily have to relate some that hap pened before. "It was, theo, in the autumn of 1836 that a married lady of my ac quaintance who was a great friend of mine, being about to pay a visit to her ; father and other relatives residing in Kentucky, proposed to me that onher return she would bring ? Sister of hers with her on condition that I would en gage to become her brother-in-law with all convenient dispatoh. Of course, I accepted the proposal. You know I could not have done otherwise had I been really averse to it; but privately, between you and me, I was most confoundedly -veli pleased with the project. I had seen the said sister some three years before, thought her intelligent and agreeable and saw no objection to 7plodding through life, hand in ha^no, with her. "Time passed on, the lady took her journey and in due time returned, sis ter in company sure enough. This as tonished me a little; for it appeared to me that her coming BO readily showed she was a trille too willing, but on reflection it occurred to me that she might have been prevailed on by her married sister to come, ?without any thing concerning me ever having been mentioned to her; 'and so I concluded that, if no other object presented it self, I would waive this. "This all occurred to me on hearing of her arrival in the neighborhood, for, be it remembered, I had not yet. seen her, except about three years previous, aa above mentioned. In a few. days, we had an interview; and, although I had seen her before, sho did not look : as my imagination had pictured hor. I knew she was over Bise, but she ap peared a fair match for Falstaff. I knew she was an 'old maid/ and I felt no doubt of the truth of at least half of the appellation; but now, when I beheld her, 1 could not for my life avoid thinking of my mother; and this, not from withered features, fer her skin wes too full of fat to permit of ita contracting into wrinkles, but from her want of teeth,'-'weather-beat en appearance in general and from a kind of notion that* ran in ray hear that nothing couldfV.r.vo commenced at tho sise of infancy and reached her present bulk in less than thirty-five or forty years; and, in short, I was not pleased with her. "But what could I do? I had told her sister that I would take her for better or for worse; andi made a point of honor and conscience in all thing" to stiok to my word, especially' if eth ers had been induced to act on it, Iwhich in this case I had co doubt they had; for I waa now fairly con vinced that no other man on. earth would have her and hence tho conclu sion that they were bout on holding me to my bargain. 'Well,' thought I, 'I have said "rfc and, bo tho conse quences what they may, it shall not be say tm?M if i fail to do it. At Bones t determined to consider her my ?wife; and, thia done, all roy power of discovery were put to work in search of perfections In her which might bo fairly set off against her dej'sots. I tried to imagine her handsome, which, except for her unfortunate corpulency, wasaotually true. Exclusivo of thia, ho woman that I have ever seen has finer features. I a\ao tried to coo vinoo myself that the mind was more to bo valued than the person; anti in this she was not inferior, aa I could iiscover, to any with whom I had been acquainted. "Shortly after that, without com ing to any positive understanding . frith" her. I set out for Ya&dalia,' whoo ? WMoli Might ??ay? im nr i )^ II i igi ?ai ?; and where you first saw mo. During my stay there I had letters from her whioh did not change my opinion efl her iatelleet or intention, bot, on the contrary, confirmed it in both. <(A11 this time, though I was fixed, 'firmed as the surge-rep ellis g rook??;l in my resolution I found I was con tinually repenting the rashness whioh led me to make it. Through lifo I have been in no bondage, - either real or imaginary, from ?tte thralldom of whioh I so much desired to be free. After my rn lum home I saw nothing to chango my opinion of her in auy particular. She was the same and so; I Was I. I now spent my time in plan ning how I might get along through life after my contemplated change of circumstances had taken place and how. I might procrastinate the evil for a time whioh I really dreaded as much and perhaps more than an Irishman does the halter. * "After all my suffering upon this deeply interesting subject, hero lam, wholly, unexpectedly out \ of the scrape, and now I want to know if you Can guess how I got out of it-olear in every sense of the term-no viola tion of word, honor or oonsoionco. I don't believe you can guess and so. I might as woll tell you at once. As the lawyer says, it was done in the manner following, to-wit: After I bad delayed the matter as long as I thought leonid in honor do, l oon- ; eluded I r tight as well bring it tr a consummation without farther delay; and so I mustered my resolution and made the proposal to her direct: but, shocking to relate, she answered 'No.* At first I thought she did it through affectation of modesty, whioh I thought iii became her under the cir cumstances of h?r ease; but on my re newal of the charge I found that she repelled it with greater firmness than before I tried it again and again, but with the same sneer SB or rather the same want of success. "Finally I was forced to give it up; at whioh I unexpectedly found morti fied almost beyond endurance. I was mortified^ it seems to me, in a hun dred different wayB. My vanity was deeply wounded by the reflection that I had been too Ptupid to discover her. intentions, never doubting that I un derstood them perfectly, and also that she, when ? had taught myself to be lieve nobody olso would have, had ac tually rejected me with all my fancied greatness. And, to oap the whole, I then for the first time began to suspect that I wes really a little in love with her.? "Bul let itali go. I'll'try and out live it. Others have been made fools of hy the girls, but this can never with truth be said of me. I w. item; phatically in this instance made a fool of myself. I haye now como to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason: I can never bo satisfied with any one who would be blockhead enough to have me.;'---.' "When you receive this, write me a long yarn about something to amuse me. Give my respeots to Mr. Brown ing. Your sincere friend, A. Lincoin." Though it is difficult to imagino, one of Mr. Lincoln's shrewdness being the dupe of circum st anees suchas thia letter describes, there seems to be no good ground for questioning the au thenticity of the document itself which Mr. Hapgood reproduces in his recent life of Mr. Lincoln, published by tho Macmillians. Admitting the genuineness of the letter, it shows that Mr. Lincoln's proverbially keen insight into oharacter was not possess ed of tho virtue of infallibility and that his wonderful common sense whioh safe-guarded his political poli oies ?nd made his publio utterances almost Of acular must not have been or duty when he. allowed . himself to get into this awful muddle. A Statue of Washington. London, July 20.-At a meeting of the executive committee of the Pil grims' Club tonight, a committee was appointed to five effeot tn the recent suggestion to erect a statute of George. Washington in London. ^It was de cided that the subscription should be entirely confiad to British subjects. Archdeacon SUoIair, in submitting Ute plan to the Society, said: "Englishmen have at last fully re cognised the great qualities of Wash ington. I feel assured that nothing will be more popular in this . country ihan such a tribute to that great man. of English birth,, who has dono so much for the world's history, not only for the young nation aoross the sea, but for vr.ro?? jurivBiu aw won. f Archdeacon Sinolair announced that he wes authorised to offer a place for tho statute iu St. Paul's Cathe dral. P?lWFR nC lUAfilUATinu I Tbs Story of a Dinner ct Which AW gator W?O Not Served. The distinguished geologist Dr. Buckland ono day gave a dinner after dissecting a Mississippi alli Stor, fcaving asked a good mai* of e moat dlarWulahed ?i hh cf? es to rime with Km. Ilia houso and all hi3 cstabUshriK'nt were kl good styl? and taste. His guests congre gated. >Tbe dinner table showed splendidly with glass, china and plate, ana-the meal commenced with excellent soup, lTUow do you like "tho soup r"' ask ed the doctor after having finished his own plate, addressing a famous gormtad of the day. ''Very good, indeed," answered tho other. "Turtle, is it not? I only ask because I do not find any green fat/' The doctor shook his head. "I think it has somewhat of a musky; taste," said another; "not unpleasant, but peculiar." 'AU, alligators havo," replied Buckland, "th? cayman peculiarly eo. Hie fellow whom I dissected this morning-and whom you have just been eating" There/WM a general rout of tho whole guests. Avery one turned pale. Half a dozen started up from .the table. Two or three ot them "ran out of the room and-vomited, and only those who had stout stom achs remained to the close of an ex cellent entertainment. "See what imagination is," said Buckland. "If I had told them it .was turtle or terrapin or bird's nest ooup, salt water amphibia or fresh,, "or.the gluten of a fish from the maw* of a sea bird, they would have pro nounced it excellent and their di rstion been hopo tho worse. Such pr?judice." ii "But was it really.on alligator?" asked a lady. "As good a cali's head as ever wore a coronet," answered Buck land, _'._ The Man and His Cane. Next to tho woman who j?he us with her umbrella comes the man with'thc cane which he .flourishes in a manner that menaces our faces. I happened to follow two young men thus armed into an office building, says the Brooklyn Eagle. On the way to the elevator they ges ticulated so violently with their canea that I deemed it prudent to keep out of their reacn. While waiting for the elevator to come down they tapped and poked around with their sticks until one of them, ran his through the grillwork sur rounding the elevator shaft. Just then the elevator came down lickety swizzle and, catching the inner end of the cane, yanked the outer end up so suddenly that it hit its owner a resounding whack under the chin. Then it broke the cane in two. Of course I was very sorry for the young man, but even sorrow cannot always make us forget'that an elevator, properly "interpreted, may carry a young man up to heights of wisdom. Tips About Your Timepiece. A watch should be.-wound up ev ery day at the same hour. Avoid putting it on a marble si ah or on anything excessively cold, as the sudden change of temperature, con tracting the metal, : may sometimes cause the mainspring to break Tho cold coagulates tho oil, and the piv ots and wheels, working.lesa freely, affect, the regularity of the time keeper. In laying aside a watch be sure that it rests on its case. If suspended the action, of the balance may cause oscillation, which will in terfere with its going. To keep your watch clean take care that the case fits ,closely and see that your pock ets dre free from fluff which is so of ten given o? by cotton, cloth or cal ico linings. Their Different Errands. An English. landowner out un usually early one morning for a Volk on his estate in turning a cor ner came suddenly upon an Irish man whom he knew as an inveterate poacher. This is the conversation that took place between them: '<Good morning, Pat." "Good marn in', yer honer. An' phwat brings yer honer out so airly this maro.-' m>p? "i'an .-just walking around, ?at, to seo if I can get an appetite for my breakfast. And what brings you out so early, Pat?" "Ooh, be jabbers,!Oi*m jest walkin' around to seo if Oi can't git a breakfast fer me appetite 1"~-What to Eat. Old enough to Break. It was in tho hall of antique casts in the Brooklyn Institute museum: A "little mother" of seven or eight was leading about a tiny sister in each hand, evidently doing the hon ors of what she was convinced must be a place of en?crt?imueu?. One little tot, evidently disap pointed In her expectations, said, *<But they're all brokenV : "They can't help that," replied tho little champion. "They've peen hero ye>a\?s ona ye*arsl"-Brooklyn Life. - The Berlin newapaoers tell of a wonderful btby giant whioh was re cently brought by his parents before the medical fue ul ty of that city for examination. He is the son of a baksr at Drievers, and, although only eight* eon mouths old, stands three and Aa ha?? feet high. He sseasurea Lhiriy 8?K inches around the chest, ? ' - The longer his wife ?ita on his ki eu thc more a mau wishes some company would oat). . Kl . . ? . A Doctors Reasons Patient: "Why do you say Schlitz beer? Isn't any other beer as good?" Doctor: "Perhaps; but I don't know it. I do know that Schlitz beer is pure " Patient: "What do you mean by pure?" Doctor: "I mean free from germs. Impurity means bacilli; and in a saccharine product like beer bacilli multiply rapidly. I do not recommend a be?r that may contain them." Patient: "How do you know that Schlitz beer is pure?" Doctor: "I have seen it brewed. Cleanliness ts carried to extremes in that brewery. The beer is cooled in plate glass rooms, in filtered air. The beer is then filtered. Yet, after all these precautionsrevery bottle is sterilized-by Pasteur's process-after it is sealed. I know that beer treated in that way is pure." Patient: -"And is pure beer good for me?" Doctor: "It is good for anybody. The hops form a tonic; the barley a iood. The trifle of alcohol is an aid to digestion. And the custom of drinking.beer supplies the body with fluid to wash out the waste. People who don't drink beer seldom drink enough fluid of any kind. A great deal of ill-health is caused by the lack of it." Patient: "But doesn't beer cause biliousness?" Doctor: "Not Schlitz Beer. Biliousness is caused by 'green* beer-beer tnat is insufficiently aged. But Schlitz bet r is always aged for months before it is marketed." Ask for the brewery bottling. THE BEER THAT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS Special attention is invited to a new shipment of ACORN STOVES AND RANGES ! "Which we have just received, and which . include? the very latest patterns, both coal or wood, adapted to the requirements cf this market. If you require anything in tho Stove or ttange line we solicit an oppor tunity to explain the merits of THE ACORN* We also carry a complete and up-to date line of TINWARE, WOOD EN WARE and HOUSE FURNISHINGS. BS- Guttering, Plumbing and Electric Wiring executed on short-notice. V ours truly, ARCHER & NORRIS. . ??????????^?????????a'iM^ F?R?ISG TOOLS ! NOTHING is more gratifying to an up-to date Farmer than to have a well-equipped outfit to begin his 8p??ng work, and this he is sure to get when he doe; bis trading with us We can sell you PLOWS, PLOW STOCKS. S?N&i.E TREES, HEICL BOLTS. CLEViCEs, HAMES. TRACES. COLLARS, COLLAR PADS. BACK BAttDS, PLOW LISES. BRIDLES. And everything necessary to begin plowing, except the Mule, and wo 'cai "sight" you to a Mule trade. We still have a few Syracuse Tuio Plows that we are closing out [at a very low price, and eau furnish yuu with tho Terracing Wing. Come in and let us show you our 7 font Perfection Trace Chain at {50o pair. Nothing in the Tiv.ce line compare* with this Chain. Don't you need a hog patlure ? We have the Wire Fence for you. BROCK HARDWARE COMPANY. "_- - . ---^^-^j--??nain-a-?a? g i BLACK Breaos, Art. Hept ia, WL ' Her. J. W. XJcrry f of Arkansas ilolhodlst Confet?nee.writtst) "EneJcfleilflnflflXtTcentflforwWchplBMamanrafc J two pau Unites of "TEETHINA." Wo wonder how wo hare raised children without lt. Tnootber doy? lady In Mis? - ac^ seat use? package and Ucarno ata mort opportune time; oar baba was tn ? lertoa? condition! his bowel?, hafi. 1 been la bad condition for dare, and nothing thal wo sav* did any good; tho second dose of "TEETEnNA1* gaTO. ? perfect relief and ha hu baa BO farthar trouble. Other membcro of tho family hoto used lt and overy dora hat)-J Mea a perfect suecas*. s- O s pc 0 2* S Ss s: ? pp B * cd v Gd 0 > ?! P3 O < 8 F M S QC < w 35 0 5 5 2 Q *a B M ft > H ^ rrj , . w ? a ft CD o O 5 ?2 Wheat Growers f TAKE NOTICE. Do not Fail to try our Sper ally Prepared 8 1-2 2-2 Petri?ed Boiie Fertilizers for Grain?. We have all grades of Ammoniated Fertil izers and Acid Phosphates, also Kainit, Ni trate of Soda and Muriate of Potash; all put up in new bags; thoroughly pulverized, and. no better can be found in the market. We shall be pleased to have your order MD? PHOSPHITE MD OIL CD.