University of South Carolina Libraries
flumomts department. Teacher'# Symptoms.?"Jimmy," said the fond mother to her smart elevenyear-old, "what became of that little pie I made for you as a treat yesterday? Did you eat it?" "No, mama," answered Jimmy, with a grin; "I gave it to my teacher at school instead." "That was very nice and generous of you, Jimmy," complimented his mother. "And did your teacher eat It? "Yes; I think so," answered Jimmy. "She wasn't at school to-day."?London Tit-Bits. * " ?' / Devotion Tested.?Kind Father?"My dear, if you want a good husband,4 marry Mr. Goodheart. He really and truly loves you. Daughter?"Are you sure ' of that, papa?" Kind Father?"Yes, Indeed. I've been borrowing money from him for six months, and still he keeps coming." ?London Tit-Bits. Careless Swain.?His fellow clerks gathered around him when the news became public property, and extended congratulation*. "But,'' said on* man. "I understand the girl you ar* engaged to is a twin; how do you tell the difference between her and her sister?" "Well, It's a jolly nice family," said the lucky man "and I don't bother very much."?London Tit-Bits. A Mule's Epitaph.?An army mule at one of the cantonments "went west." The private who had charge of the last rites had to fill out the regulation form, and came across the suggestion, Dls- , position of carcass." After a moment's thought Sammie wrote on the blank line: "Mean and deceitful."?Dallas Holland's Magazine. Ready to Oblige.?Mistress?"Now, Ada, I want you to show us what you can do to-night. We have a few very special friends coming for a musical evening." Cook?"Well, mum. I 'aven't done any aingin' to speak of for years, but as you insist upon it you can put me down for "The 'Oly City'!"?London Passing Show. ' ' ! No Argument.?A man stepped up to j Henry Ward Beecher one day and said, "Sir, I am an evolutionist, and I want to discuss the question with you. I am also an annihllationist; I believe that when I die that will be the end of me." "Thank goodness for that!" said Mr. i Beecher, as he walked off and left the man dazed.?London Blighty. Muffler Needed.?Mother?"I wish you wouldn't stand on the steps so long with that Junior when he brings you home." She?"Why I only stood there for a second last night." Mother?'Is that all? I really I thought I heard a third and a fourth." ?Gargayle. Supplying the Fire.?The Man of Law?"But, my dear madam, there is no insurance money for you to draw. Yours late husband neven, Insured his life; he only had a policy against fire." The Wonderful Widow?"Precisely. That is the very reason I had him cremated!"?London Passing Show. Wasted Button. ? Ronald (after church service)?"I say, sis, did the curate really mean that those black 1 - nlr?f ho?t people uuu i n v.v...? . Sister?"Yes, quite true." Ronald?"Then, what was the good of grandpa putting a button in the collection?"?London Blighty. Help Wanted?First Roommate?"I say, Walt, would yob kindly lend me your green necktie this evening?" Second Roommate?"Why certainly, Ed. but why all the formality?" First Roommate?"I can't find it-"? Awgawan. 0 t v Serious Impediment.?Doris?"Why don't you rasrry her?" Jack?Td like to, but, uafortuaately, the has an impediment in her speech." Doris?"What is it?" Jack?"She can't say 'Yes."'?Lon- ( don Tit-Bits. ] _ In the Jug.?Four gills one pint; j two pints one quart; four quarts one j gallon; one gallon one quarrel; one j quarrel: two fights four policemen: ! four policemen one magistrate; one j magistrate one month.?London Tit- i Bits. Removal Notice.?George (affectionately)"Helen, dear, I've had something j hesitating on my Hps for some time | now and?" Helen (interrupting)?"Oh, George, how 1 hate those little mustaches."? Lehigh Burr. Obliging. ? Old Goldbags?"What's that! You really mean to tell me you love-my -daughter for herself alone?" Hardup?"Yes, sir; but I think I could letfrn to f-love you t-too, sir, in1 t-tiine, sir."?London Tit-Bits. They do it in Australia.?The Grocer?"Yes'm the high price of mustard j is due to the scarcity of fuel. You | see, people are buying up mustard and l are keeping themselves warm with j poultices:"?Melbourne Punch. Indulgent Father.?Customer?"Here, what's the meaning of this? I don't' mean to be shaved by this kid!" Barber?"It's only my own young-! ster. I let him have a bit of fun to-1 day. sir, because It's his birthday."?' Edinburgh Scotsman. BATTLE BREWERS OF BOOZE. j Uncle Sam Will Go After Distilleries in South Carolina HomesA war on home distilleries is to be waged by the prohibition department of the federal government, according to announcement made at the office of Internal Revenue Collector D. C. Heyward, in Columbia. The revenue office made public instruction received from D. C. Roper, commissioner of internal revenue,with regard to enforcment of the law against the advertising and sale of formulas or packages for home manufacture of intoxicants. In its bulletin of instructions to the atateB that he has had his attention called to the fact that numerous concerns are advertising and selling formulas for making intoxicating liquor in the home and in some instances packages containing receipts and all ( T, ft<m f^TrTNbth ] its fi goicl I to ai lg go ouaujitbi indl If, after uelnx the entire w contenti of can according i, ? i lo direction!, you are not rl LTI 1 aatlefled tn every reipect, *M* your grocer will refund _ the money you paid for it. e^Tipi ipsH The Reily-Ta I FOR MF 1 CHR Pe. joined th T -J&V S7h* * y/ir * J flj V^yS^^pY^Hnt jj The Education i ttjARENTS and Teac JL our Christmas ( It gives the child a year. It gives the child p It encourages indus A child soon realize uun i reaiiy ne ly put in our C] Parents know this ii Club when thej them the "sav children! Put I The F i I g II the ingredients necessary for the making ol booze arc sold. The commissioner holds that the advertising as well as the sale of the formulas for making liquor .'in the homes and the ingredients for sucli manufacture are all in violation of the war-time prohibition act. Advertising home-made-liquor plans is, says the commissioner, "influencing others to violate the law." Under the prohibition enforcement act, the fine for violation is not over $500 for the first offense; for the second offense it is not less than $100 nor more than '$1,000 or imprisonment of ninety days. For subsequent offenses the fine is not less than $500 or imprisonment not less than three months or more than two years. The United States lighthouse ;ser | vice uuais i,i)uvluuu tt year. % lasts PHHBRlHMfel! ing will lose iavor more dy than cof* hen exposed r. Luzianne id only in vidua! airt tin cans^rinb^k. (NE?#e ylor Company > QrUanf K. WOMEN. 'he Easy Way t mrrra m Jo 1JVL ^0'' .yV;,' BBMHBBMMwlM rjftfWBfc?^^^raKg^Lg <KTBE?? '^WvK^k^S '^k. ?Jk^S^lB^n nal Value of Our Chr hers will at once realize the grea 31ub, particularly with the child plan of life?a definite financia ractical lessons in banking, try in the children, s that the little sums which thej ed, would soon amount to a larj iristmas Club. s all true and many of them wiih i were young?and their parent: ing habit." Don't make this s them in our Christmas Club tod. 'IRS T N a Be Provident yl|j h Prepare for sudden Fall cold HIH snaps and conserve your coal ' Tbe portable Perfection Oil \ ( i m fi fi mM ) ^eater makes beat available, \ J^E4==^ y when and where needed, in ?SaZ\ n bhe quantity required. | Jk4 Clean, safe, sootless, odorless, eco; nomical?burns ten hours on a gallon | I __ J of kfrrnpn* TlV^ri in Q nnn nnn on re- ^ \ PERFECTION / \^ Oil Heaters y "boys, girls and little ci . /* I to Have a Bank Account Is to Join Ou AG BAMVINn r MEMHKfiEfifiK [tfK %? ?E IZLmM You Start With cent, 2 cents, 5 cents, 10 cents 9 50 cents, $1.00, $5.00 or Any Amount fHrnfllM ^fl weeks Diui/iur tecitied sum eacn weeK ior . . : tj\j " DAHMMH COME IN AND JOIN TODA Y k a Little Every Week and Have Money ? istmas Club f f The Reasons for the Christmas B K a Lt educational value of g J rpO PROVIDE a way for those of moderate and ren. x | K X save money. tt j4 1 *\lo? frtti olrviftef n n 8 ? - 11 1 1 i, yxau ivi ?, ? k 'i'0 teach thrilt to oia ana young uy a sysieu J * a specified sum each week. The Christmas Bankir S X K X for all to save. r spend for things they | | - To make it possible for you to provide by sma ge sum, when regular- t ? J g $ ance> Taxes, Interest or other obligations. You c there had been such a | J payments by banking a little money each week, s had early taught * s ame mistake for your St X ?*ve "a ^an^ connection" so that they ' ly. J | ways in which our Bank can be of service to them. A TIONAL BANK of O. E. WILKINS, President AV* f? * f! iff *" ' ' # , j 4 GET BEADY FOR "fill" i Keep Your Liver Active, Youi System Purified and Free From Colds by Taking Calotabs, r the Nausealess Calomel Tablets, that are Delightful, Safe and Sure. \ . Physicians and Druggists are advi? ing their friends to keep their sys^emj purified and their organs in porfect working order as a protection against i the return of influenza. They know - / | that a clogged up system and a lazy liver favor colds, influenza and seriouf I complications. J To cut short a cold overnight and tc J prevent serious complications tako on? 5 Calotab at bedtime with a swallow ol 1 water?that's all. No salts, no nausea no griping, no sickening after effect* Next morning your cold has vanishedA your liver is active, your system is purified and refreshed and you are feeling fins with a hearty appetite for breakfast. Eat what you please?no danger. Calotabs are sold only in original sealed packages, price thirty-five cents. | Every druggist is* authorized to refund ' your money if you arc. not perfectly j delighted with Calotabs.?(Adv.) Ripley Seed Wheat I HAVE A LIMITED SUPPLY OP I PURE RIPLEY SEED WHEAT. IP* YOU WANT ANY SEE ME AT ONCE. . Every wise farmer will certainly sow enough wheat to supply his own k family nccc}s. ABOUT GROCEROES? My stock of Family Grocrles ie very complete, it is fresh, of good quality, and priced just as low as you will find any where. I'll be glad to serve you. FEEDSTUFFS? To be sure I sell FoedstufTs?I would he lonesome without this line and can supply you with first-class feed for HORSES AND MULES, COWS AND HOGS, AND CHICKENS. * . Your Grocery orders solicited. J. M. FERGUSON IILDREM ir 1 LUBy ? UUU UCtQT / ^ mm e. anking Club ? even small means to latic method of saving lg Club makes it easy | 4 ,11 payments for Insur- I :an take care of future ? * > 2 I will learn the many | ' York pr j)t. > " it iii/ti