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A RAMBL By O. My wife and I parted on that morning in precisely our usual manner She left her second cup of tea to follow me to the front door. There she plucked from my lapel the invisible strand of lint (the universal act ol woman to proclaim ownership) and bade me take care of my cold. I had no cold. Next came her kiss of parting?the level kiss of domesticity flavnrpH with Young: Hyson. There was no fear of the extemporaneous, of variety spicing her infinite custom. With the deft touch of long malpractice, she dabbed awry my well set scarf pin, and then, as I closed the door, I heard her morning slippers pattering back to her cooling tea. When I set out I had no thought or premonition of what was to occur. The attack came suddenly. For many weeks I had been toiling almost night and day, at a famous railroad law case that I won triumphantly but a few days previously. In fact, 1 had been digging at the law almost without cessation for many years Once or twice good Dr. Volney, my friend and physician, had warned me "If you don't slacken up, "Bellford," he said, "you'll go suddenly to pieces Either your nerves or your brain will give way. Tell me, does a week pass in which you do not read in the papers of a case of aphasia?of some man lost, wandering nameless, with his past and his identity blotted out?and all from that little brain clot made by overwork or worry?" "I always thought," said I, "that the clot in those instances was really to be found on the brains of the newspaper reporters." Dr. Volney shook his head. * - " V,? "V/M1 "1 ne aiseasf trxisio, n?= onm. need a change or a rest. Courtroom office, and home?there is the only route you travel. For recreation you ?read law books. Better take warning in time." "On Thursday nights," I said, defensively, "my wife and I play cribbage. On Sundays she reads to mf the weekly letter from her mother. That law books are not a recreation remains yet to be established." That morning as I walked I was thinking of Dr. Volney's words. I was feeling as well as I usually did?possibly in better spirits than usual. I awoke with stiff and cramped muscles from having slept long on the incommodious seat of a day coach. 3 leaned my head against the seat and tried to think. After a long time 1 said to myself: "I must have a name of some sort." I searched my pockets. Not a card, not a letter, not a paper, or monogram could I find. But I found in my coat pocket nearly $3,000 in bills of large denomination. "I must be some one, of course," I repeated tc myself, and began again to consider. The car was well crowded with men, among whom. I told myself, there must have been some common interest, for they intermingled freely, and seemed in the best good humor and spirits, One of them?a stout, spectacled gentleman enveloped in a decided odor ol cinnamon and aloes?took the vacant half of my seat with a friendly nod and unfolded a newspaper. In the intervals between his periods of reading we conversed, as travellers will, or current affairs. I found myself able to sustain the conversation on such subiects with credit, at least to my memory. By and by my companion said: "You are one of us, of course. Fine lot of men the west sends in this time. I'm glad they held the convention in New York; I've never been east before. My name's R. P. Bolder ?Bolder & Son of Hickory Grove, Missouri." Though unprepared. I rose to the emergency, as men will when put to it. Now must I hold a christening and be at once babe, parson, and parent. My senses came to the rescue of my slower brain. The insistent odor of drugs from my companion supplied one idea; a glance at his newspaper, where my eye met a conspicuous advertisement, assisted me further. "My name," said I, glibly, "is Edward Pinkhammer. I am a druggist and my home is in Cornopolis, Kas." "I knew you were a druggist." said my fellow-traveler, affably. "I saw the callous spot on your right forefinger where the handle of the pestle rubs. Of course, you are a delegate to our national convention." "Are all these men druggists?" I asked, wonderingly. "They are. This car came through from the west. And they're your old time druggists, too?none of your patent table-and-granule pharmashootists that use slot machines instead of a prescription desk. We percolate our own paregoric and roll our owr pills, and we ain't above handling a few garden seeds in the spring, anc carrying a side line of conf-etionerj and shoes. I tell you. Hampinker I've got an idea to spring on this convention?new ideas is what they want Now, you know the shelf bottles ol tartar emetic and Rochelle salt. Ant et Pot. Tart, and Sod. et pot. Taft.? one's poison, you know, and the other's harmless. It's easy to mistake one label for the other. Where dc druggists mostly keep 'em? Why. as far apart as possible, on differenl shelves. That's wrong. I say keel, 'em side by side, so when you want one you can always compare it with the other and avoid mistakes. Dc you catch tho idea?" "It seems to me a very good one,' I said. "All right! When I spring it or the convention you back it up. We'll make some of these eastern orangephosphate-and-massage-cream professors that think they're the onlj lozenges in the market look like hypodermic tablets." "If I can be of any aid," I said warming, "the two bottles of?er?" "Tartrate of antimony and potash and tartrate of soda and potash." "Shall henceforth sit side by side,' I concluded, firmly. "Now, there's another thing." saiil Mr. Bolder. "For an excipient manipulating a pill mass which do you prefer?the magnesia carbonate 01 the pulverized glycerrhiza radix?" "The?er?magnesia," I said. Ii was easier to say than the other word Mr. Bolder glanced at me distrustfully through his spectacles. "Give me the glycerrhiza." said he "Magnesia cakes." "Here's another one of these fak< aphasia cases," he said, presently handing me his newspaper, and laying his finger upon an article. "] don't believe in 'em. I put nine oui of ten of 'em down as frauds. A man gets sick of his business and hi: folks and wants to have a good time He skips out somewhere and wher they find him he pretends to have losi his memory?don't know his owi name and won't even recognize the strawberry mark on his wife's lefi shoulder. Aphasia! Tut! Why ean'i they stay at home and forget?" T took the paper and read, aftei the pungent headlines, the following: J APHASIA HENRY I "Denver. June 12.?Ehvyn C. Bellford. prominent lawyer, is mysterious ly missing from his home since three days ago. and all efforts to locate him have been in vain. Mr. Bellford is a well known citizen of tho highest > standing and has enjoyed a large and " lucrative law practice. He is married 1 and owns a fine home and the most I extensive private library In the state. On the day of his disappearance he drew quite a large sum of money from his bank. No one can be found i who saw him after he left the hank. Mr. Bellford was a man of singularly quiet and domestic tastes and seemed to find his happiness in his home and profession. If any clew at all exists ; to his strange disappearance it may , be found in the fact that for some months he has been deeply absorbed 1 in an important law case in connection with the Q. Y. and Z. railroad . company. It is feared that overwork may have affected his mind. ' Every effort is being made to discover the whereabouts of the missing man " "It seems to me you are not alto' gether uncynical. Mr. Bolder." I said, after I had read the dispatch. "This has the sound, to me. of a genuine [ case. Why should this man, prosperous, happily married and respected, choose suddenly to abandon every thing? I know that these lapses of memory do occur and that men do find themselves adrift without a ; name, a history, or a home." "O. gammon and jalap!" said Mr. . Bolder. "It's larks they're after. | There's too much education nowadays. Men know about aphasia and 1 they use it for an excuse. The wo1 men are wise. too. When it's all over i they look you in the eye. as scientific as you please, and say: 'He hypno. tized me.' " 1 Thus Mr. Bolder diverted, but did ' not aid. me with his comments and philosophy. We arrived in New York about 10 at night. I rode in a cab to a hotel, ' and I wrote my name "Edward Pink hammer" in the register. As I did so I felt pervade me a splendid, wild, intoxicating buoyancy?a sense of unlimited freedom, of newly attained i possibilities. I was just born into the world. The old fetters?whatever I they had been?were stricken from my hands and feet. The future lay i before me a clear road such as an . infant enters, and I could set out upon it equipped with a man's learning and experience. I thought the hotel clerk looked at me five seconds too long. I had no , baggage. "The druggists' convention." I said. "My trunk has somehow failed to ari rive." I drew out a roll of money. "Ah!" said he. showing an auriferous tooth, "we have quite a number of the western delegates stopping 1 here." He struck a bell for the boy. I endeavored to give color to my role. "There is an important movement on foot among us westerners," I said, "in regard to a recommendation to ; the convention that the bottles the tarI trate of antimony and potash and the tartrate of sodium and potash be kept in a contiguous position on the shelf." ! "Gentleman to three-fourteen," =aid the clerk, hastily. I was whisked away to my room. ' The next day I bought a trunk and I lothing. and began to live the life t of Edward Pinkhammer. I did not . tax my brain with endeavors to solve ' problems of the past. 1 It was a piquant and sparkling cup that the great island city held up to my lips. I drank of it gratefully. | The keys of Manhattan belong to him who is able to bear them. You must ' be either the city's guest or its vic| tim. The following few days were as gold and silver. Edward Pinkhammer. yet counting back to his birth by ' hours only, knew the rare joy of having come upon so diverting a world ' full-fledged and unrestrained. I sat entranced on the magic carpets provided in theatres and roof gardens, that transported one into strange and delightful lands full of frolicsome music, pretty girls, and grotesque. ! drolly extravagant parodies upon i human kind. I went here and there . at my own dear will, bound by no limits of space, time, or comportment. I dined in weird cabarets, at weirder tables d'hote to the sound of Hunga- j : rinn music and the wild shouts of , mercurial artists and sculptors. Or. again. where the night life quivers in the electric glare like a kinetoseopic i picture, and the millinery of the world. . and its jewels, and the ones' whom they adorn, and the men who make all three possible are met for good cheer and the spectacular effect, t And among all these scenes that I i have mentioned. I learned one thing : that I never knew before. And that [ is that the key to liberty is not in the hands of license, hut convention holds it. Comity has a tollgate at which you must pay. or you may not enter i the land of freedom. In all the glitter. the seeming disorder, the parade, i the abandon. I saw this law, unobtrusive, yet like iron, prevail. Therefore. in Manhattan you must obey) : these unwritten laws, and then you will be freest of the free. If you de-| I eline to be bound by them, you put on shackles. Sometimes, as my mood urged me, > I would seek the stately, softly mur! muring palm rooms, redolent with highborn life and delicate restraint. In which to dine. Again. I would go down to the waterways in steamers i packed with vociferous, bedecked, un[ checked love making clerks and shop. girls to their crude pleasures on the island shores. And there was al1 ways Broadway?glistening, opulent. ! wily, varying, desirable Broadway? i growing upon one like an opium i habit. 1 One afternoon as I entered my hor tel a stout man with a big nose and , a black mustache blocked my way in - the corridor. When I would have . passed around him. he greeted me f with offensive familiarity. "Hello. Bedford!" he cried loudly. - "What the deuce are you doing in New York? Didn't know anything > could drag you away from that book > den of yours. Is Mrs. B. along, or is 5 this a little business run alone, eh?" t "You have made a mistake, sir." I > said coldly, releasing my hand from . us.. "At,. ?or>,n iE Pinkhnmmer. t You will excuse me." > The man dropped to one side, apparently astonished. As I walked to ' the clerk's desk I heard him call to a bellboy and say something about i telegraph blanks. I "You will give me my bill." I said to the clerk, "and have my baggage brought down in half an hour. I do ' not care to remain where I am annoyed by confidence men." [ moved th;it afternoon to another , hotel, a sedate, old-fashioned one on ' lower Fifth avenue, i There was a restaurant a little way off Proadway where one could be ' served almost al fresco in a tropic array of screening flora. Quiet and I luxury and a perfect service made it an ideal place in which to take lunehi eon or refreshment. One afternoon - I was there picking my way to a table among the ferns when I felt my t sleeve caught. "Mr. Pellford!" exclaimed an amazingly sweet voice. I turned quickly to see a lady seat. ed alone?a lady of about thirty, with exceedingly handsome eyes. who i looked at me as though I had been . her very dear friend. "You were about to pass me." she I said, accusingly. "Don't tell mo you t did not know me. Why should we i not shake hands?at least once in fif< teen years?" 1 shook hands with her at once. I i took a chair opposite her at the tat b|e. I summoned with my eyebrows i a hovering waiter. The lady was ; philandering with an orange ice. 1 t ordered a oremp dp menthe. Her t hair was reddish brown. You could not look at it. because you could not - look away from her eyes. P.ut you were conscious of it as you are conscious of sunset while you look into the profundities of a wood at twilight. "Are you sure you know me?" I asked. "No," she said, smiling, I was never sure of that." "What would you think," I said, a little anxiously, "if I were to tell you that my name is Edward Pinkhammer, from Cornopolis, Kas. ?" "What would I think?" she repeated, with a merry glanee. "Why, that you had not brought Mrs. Bellford to New York with you, of course. I do wish you had. I would have liked to see Marian." Her voice lowered slightly ?'You haven't changed much, Elwyn." I felt her wonderful eyes searching mine and my face more closely. "Yes. you have," she amended, and there was a soft, exultant noto in her latest tones; "I see it now. You haven't forgotten. Y'ou haven't forgotten for a year or a day or an hour. I told you you never could." I poked my straw anxiously in the creme de menthe. "I'm sure 1 beg your pardon," I said, a littlo uneasy at her gaze. "But that is just the trouble. I have forgotten. I've forgotten everything." She flouted my denial. She laugh ed deliciously at something sne seemed to see in my face. "I've heard of you at times," she went on. "You're quite a big lawyer out west?Denver, isn't it, or Los Angeles? Marian must be very proud of you. You knew, I suppose, that I married six months after you did. You may have seen it in the papers. The (lowers alone cost J2.000." She had mentioned fifteen years. Fifteen years is a long time. "Would it be too late," I esked, j somewhat timorously, "to offer you congratulations?" "Not if you dare do it," she swered, with such fine interpiclity that I was silent and began to crease patterns on the cloth with my thumb nail. "Tell me one thing." she said, leaning toward mo rather eagerly?"a thing I have wanted to know for many years?just from a woman's curiosity, of course?have you ever dared since that night to touch, smell, or look at white roses?at white roses wet with rain and dew?" I took a sip of creme de menthe. "It would be useless, I suppose," I said, with a sigh, "for me to repeat that I have no recollection at all about these things. My memory is completely at fault. I need not say how much I regret it." The lady rested her arms upon the table, and again her eyes disdained my words and went traveling by their own route to my soul. She laughed softly, with a strange quality In the sound?it was a laugh of happiness? .1 nnntont <1 n (1 fl t Ml lSPI'V. I tried to look away from her. "You lie, Elwyn Bellford," she breathed, blissfully. "O, I know you lie!" I gazed dully into the ferns. ">ly name is Edward Pinkhammer," I said. "I came with the delegates to the Druggists' National convention. There is a movement on foot for arranging a new position for the bottles of tartrate of antimony and tartrate of potash, in which, very likely. you would take little interest." A shining landau stopped before the entrance. The lady rose. I took her hand and bowed. "I am deeply sorry," I said to her, "that I cannot remember. I could explain, but fear you would not understand. You will not concede Pinkhammer, and I really cannot at all conceive of the?the roses and other things." "Oood-by, Mr. Bellford." she said, with her happy, sorrowful smile, as sho stepped into her carriage. I attended the theater that night. When I returned to my hotel, a quiet man in dark clothes, who seemed interested in rubbing his linger nails with a silk handkerchief, appeared, magically, at my side. "Mr. Pinkhammer," he said, casually, giving the bulk of his attention to his forefinger, "may I request you to step aside with me for a little conversation? There is a room here." "Certainly," I answered. He conducted me into a small, pri- J vate parlor. A lady and a gentleman were there. The lady. I surmised, would have been unusually good looking had her features not been clouded by an expression of keen worry and fatigue. .She was of a style of figure and possessed coloring and features that were agreeable to my fancy. She was in a traveling dress; she fixed upon me an earnest look of extreme anxiety, and pressed an unsteady hand to her bosom. I think she would have started forward, but the gentleman arrested her movement with an authoritative motion of his hand. He then came himself to meet me. He was a man of forty, a little gray about the temples, and witn a strong, thoughtful face. "Bedford, old man," he said, cordially. "I'm glad to see you again. Of course, we know everything is all right. I warned you. you know, that you were overdoing it. Now, you'll go back with us. and be yourself again in no time." I smiled ironically. "I have been 'Bellforded' so often," I said, "that it has lost its edge. Still, In the end. it may grow wearisome. Would you be willing at all to entertain the hypothesis that my name is Edward Pinkhammer, and that I never saw you before in my life?" Before the man could reply a wailing cry came from the woman. She sprang past his detaining arm. "Elwyn!" she sobbed, and cast herself upon me. and clung tight. "Elwyn," she cried again, "don't break my heart. I am your wife?call my name once?just once! I could see you dead rather than this way." I unwound her arms respectfully, but firmly. "Madam." I said, severely, "pardon me if I suggest that you accept a resemblance too precipitately. It is a pity," I went on, with an amused laugh, as the thought occurred to me, "that this Bedford and I could not be kept side by side upon the same shelf like tartrates of sodium and antimony for purposes of identification. In order to understand the allusion," I concluded airily, "it may be necessary for you to keep an eye on the proceedings of the Druggists' National convention. The lady turned to her companion and grasped his arm. "What is it. Dr. Volney? O, what is it?" she moaned. He led her to the door. "Go to your room for a while," I heard him say. "I will remain and talk with him. His mind? No. I think not?only a portion of the brain. Yes. I am sure he will recover. Go to your room and leave me with him." The lady disappeared. The man in dark clothes also went outside, still manicuring himself in a tnoughtful way. I think he waited in the ha]l. "I would like to talk with you a while. Mr. Pinkhammer, if I may," said tho gentleman who remained. "Very well, if you care to," I replied. "and will excuse me if I take it comfortably; I am rather tired." I stretched myself upon a couch by a window and lit a cigar. He drew a chair nearby. "Let us speak to the point," he said, soothingly. "Your name is not Pinkhammer." "I know that as well as you do," I said, coolly. "But a man must have a name of some sort. I can assure you that I do not extravagantly admire the name of Pinkhammer. But when one christens one's self suddenly. the fine names do not seem to suggest themselves. But, suppose it had 1 ^,.Lrt?{?rrK.inOAIl nr m frprj n y ? J think I did very well with Pinkhammer." "Your name." said the other man. seriously, "is ISlwyn C. Bellford. You are one <>f the first lawyers in Denver. You are suffering from an attack of aphasia, which has caused you to forget your identity. The cause of it was over application to your profession. and. perhaps, a life too hare of natural recreation and pleasures. The ady who has just left the room is your wife." "She is what 1 would call a line looking woman," I said, after a judicial pause. "I particularly admire the shade of brown in h.r hair." "She is a wife to he proud of. Since your disappearance, nearly two weeks ago. she has scarcely closed her eyes. We learned that you were in New York through a telegram sent by Isidore Newman, a traveling man from Denver. He said that he had met you in a hotel here anil that you did not recognize him." "I think I remember tho occasion." I I said. "The fellow called me "Rellford,' if I am not mistaken. Put dc n't you think It about time, now, for you to introduce yourself?" "i am Robert Volney?Dr. Volney. I have been your close friend for twenty years, and your physician for fifteen. I came with Mrs. Bellford to trace you as soon as we got the telegram. Try, Elwyn, old man?try to remember!" "What's the use to try?" I asked, with a little frown. "You say you are a physician. Is aphasia curable? When a man loses his memory does it return slowly, or suddenly?" "Sometimes gradually and imperfectly: sometimes as suddenly as it went." "Will you undertake the treatment of my case. Dr. Volney?" I asked. "Old friend." said he, "I'll do everything in my power and will have done everything that science can do to cure you." "Very well," said I. "Then you will consider that I am your patient. Everything is in confidence now? professional confidence." "Of course," said Dr. Volney. I got up from the couch. Some one had set a vase of white roses on the center table?a cluster of white roses, freshly sprinkled and fragrant. I threw them far out of the window and then I laid myself upon the couch again. "It will be best, Bobby." I said, "to have this euro happen suddenly. I'm rather tired of it all, anyway You may go now and bring Marian in. But, O, Doc." I said, with a sigh, as I kicked him on the shin, "good old Doc?it was glorious!"?Chicago Tribune. AMBASSADOR'S PRIVILEGE. Person of Self and Servants Above All the Laws. While today in every civilized country the person of a foreign ambassador is held to be inviolaole, the law of the land being powerless to touch him for any offence, in days gone by, before his immunity became so perfect he frequently found himself in hot water. In Elizabeih's time the Spanish ambassador, Mendoza, was proved to have taken part in a conspiracy which had for its object the dethronement of the queen, and he was at once arrested and kept in prison. High legal opinions were taken upon the validity of this proceeding, and in accordance with them the ambassador was liberated, but forthwith sent out of the country. Count Gyllenborg, the Swedish ambassador to England, in 1717 was arrested for having been concerned in a plot against the Hanoverian dynasty, and besides this the British government went to the extreme of seizing his private papers at the embassy and breaking open his safe. The excuse given for this action was that it was necessary to the peace of the state. inrougn me mediation 01 toreign powers, which professed to he very shocked at what had taken place, he was released. Immunity from arrest extends also to an ambassador's servants and the members of his suite. There is, however, one case on record in which an ambassador's assistant was really executed, and that was in great Prltaln. This was in 1653, and the victim was Pantaleon Sa, who was the brother and one of the train of the Portuguese ambassador. He quarreled with an acquaintance over a business matter and wounded him, the life of the party attacked being saved only by the intervention of bystanders. Put the next night Pantaleon Sa with fifty of hi? Portuguese friends, all armed to the teeth, sought out his enemy with the intention of killing him. There was a desperate struggle, and one person was killed and several were wounded. The guards were called in, but the Portuguese fired on them also. Then Pantaleon Sa sought refuge in his embassy, where he thought he was safe; hut the ambassador surrendered him, and he was duly executed, after some hesitation on the part of the authorities. The most extraordinary example of ambassadorial privilege on record occurred in 1661, when the French and Spanish ambassadors at London and their retinues fought a fierce battle in the streets of F at capital, twelve persons being killed and forty wounded. On this occasion a new Swedish ambassador was coming to London, and there was a dispute between the French and Spanish ambassadors as to who should have precedence in the procession of welcome. When at last the Swedish diplomatist arrived, and was proceeding from Tower Hill to Whitehall, the Spaniards, who had a force of a hundred men on foot and fifty on horseback, formed across the road to bar the passage of the French. The latter fired a volley and charged the Spanish, sword In hand. Three Iiurars, llic: JIUOUIIWII anu uir uutiuiuiiau of the French ambassador were killed at the outset; hut the struggle lasted for a long time after that. In the end victory was with the Spanish. Nobody was punished. Nor could anybody be punished if such an event should happen anywhere today.?Harper's Weekly. An Early-Day Stenographer. Millions of persons have heard of Penn Pitman, who for more than half a century has been master of shorthand, especially in America, and they readily associate his name with the teaching of stenography, or phonography, as it was called in his earlier days. As to his interesting history and dual accomplishments, however. the public knows little or nothing. He was born in England in 1822, and was educated in a school taught by his brother, Sir Isaac Pitman, who was eight years his senior. It was Isaac who first devised a system of shorthand in 1837, and the 15-yearold lad begun its study at once. Soon he was teaching Isaac's classes, forming ones of his own, and by the age <>f twenty was traveling all over Great Britain with two of his brothers and one or two other enthusiasts in promulgating" the new art. Early in his boyhood he became imbued with a love of decorative architecture. and apprenticed himself to that calling and joined a brother in Australia, but was soon called back to take the phonography classes of 1-1.. T.. n TVlio vnoollnn Benn found more immediately remunerative, and in 1S4 9 ho married, and three years inter came to America. and after a brief time in Philadelphia he went to the far west and settled in Cincinnati?his home ever after. It was not loner before he was called to till the role of official recorder of military commissions, congressional investigations and other official phonographic work, and after the assassination of President Lincoln he reported the trial of Mrs. Surratt and other conspirators, and subsequently the Puell investigation, the Ku-Klux trials and other famous proceedings, assisted by his wife as copyist, up to the time of her death in 1S73.? Boston fJlohe. "You have many enemies." said the friend. "Of course," replied the energetic campaigner. "But if I can' convince the public that my enemies are in the wrong they're all good press agents for me."?Washington Star. Jttisfcllsuuoua jiJnutiii(|. UNCLE SAM'S BIG DOLLAR. What the Government Costs and How the Money Is Spent. Did you know that last year the military expenses of this government, past, present and future?including pensions on the public debt?amounted to $4.70 for yourself and $23.50 for your family, provided it has Ave members? At least that is what your share of these expenses would have been if they had been apportioned according to population. But as no Federal tax collector ever called on you, the chances are that you have no idea what the government is costing or how it is spending its mon ey. The expenses of the United States government for the year that ended June 30, 1910, were pretty close to $700,000,000. As there were 92,000,000 persons in the country at that'time, the cost of the government was about $7.50 apiece, or $37.50 for a family of five. Something less than half of the revenue for this expenditure came from customs for internal revenue duties and the corporation tax. It is impossible to figure how much each family actually pays of these indirect taxes. But suppose the total expenditures were apportioned to duties and the bulk of the remainder each group of five persons, it is interesting to see what share of the $37.50 would go to the various objects. The largest single expenditure is for pensions. Twenty-three cents of every dollar spent by the government goes for this purpose. This is $8.60 for every family. The army comes next with 18J cents out of every dollar, or $7.03 to the family. Next comes the navy with 18 cents out of every dollar, or $6.75 to the family. Most of the public debt was incurred in war expenditures and this adds three cents to the dollar, or nearly $1.15 more, making the military expenditures of the government nearly 63 cents out of every dollar, or $23.50 out of the $37.50 which the average family pays. To rivers and harbors the government contributed last year 4 cents for every dollar it spent, or $1.60 for each family. Another great commercial improvement, the Panama canal, took 5 cents out of the government's dollar last year, or $1.87 a family. The department of agriculture Is one of the great institutions of the government, conducting, as it does, important experiments for the farmers and supervising the weather bureau, the forest service and the food standards. It got not ouite two and a half cents, or 90 cents for a family. It cost a little less than two cents out of every dollar spent to make the laws, and less than a tenth of a cent to supervise their execution from the White House and the civil service commission?an expense of 70 cents a family in the one case and 2J cents in the other. The foreign relations of the government absorb less than a cent out of the dollar, or 26 cents for a family. The cost of collecting the customs duties is 1? cents out of the dollar, or 56 cents to the family. The life saving service and the care of the public health take less than a third of a cent each from Uncle Sam's dollar, amounting to about 11 cents for the family. About 2J cents?92 cents to the family. About 2J cents?92 cents to the family?went to the public buildings last year. Other work conducted by the treasury department was accountable for four more cents of the dollar, or $1.60 for the family. The expenses of the interior department took three cents from the dollar, or $1.11 for the family. About 13 cents more?52 cents for the family?was needed to make up the postofflee deficit. The taking of the census took a little less than a cent of the dollar, as did the care of lighthouses, or 25 cents each for every family. In addition the department of commerce and labor used another cent of the dollar, or 37 cents from the family. It took lj cents of the $1 to provide the machinery for the administration of justice, which was 52 cents to the family. The interstate commerce commission used 1-10 cent, or not quite 4 cents to the family. The District of Columbia cost the taxpayers of the nation nearly 2 cents out of the $1, or 64 cents for each family. Miscellaneous expenses account for the remaining 4.2 cents of the $1, or $1.79 for the family. To recapitulate the uses to which the government puts every dollar spent: Pensions 23 Army 18.5 Navy 18 Interest 3 Rivers and harbors 4 Panama canal 5 Department of agriculture 2.5 Legislative and executive 2.1 Foreign relations 1 Public health 3 Public buildings 2.5 Census l Department of justice 1.5 Department of C. and Labor 1 Interstate commerce 1 District of Columbia 2 Postoffloe, Interior and treasury department, including life saving, lighthouses and customs service 11.3 Miscellaneous 3.2 Total 100 It mipht be well if the stockholders of this United States corporation, who put up the money, would study this sort of a list of expenditures, with a view to determining whether the directors in Washington are maldnp a fair apportionment of funds.?Kansas City Sun. Intelligent Canines. Constable Haley of Squire Templeton's court is a preat dop fancier, and besides his knowledpe of the different breeds he has at his command an unlimited number of stories illustrative of the intellipenee of man's canine friends. The other day Haley was with a friend of his who persisted in repalinp him with stories of the antics of a fox terrier he owned. Haley listened in patience for some time and then could stand it no lonper. "Yes," said he, "your dop is smart, but not nearly as smart as a dop I had once. This dop would persist in poinp ONE MINU1 Your personal appearance is t cause of the favorable impres business people with whom y< were not true, would not a $5, as well as would a $25.00 suil the $25.00 garment, don't you; Wnm Ahniit Ymir P IAMXJMS ? ll/l/ul M vmi m, It Is Your Personal I you are unable to do business I marks of Cheapness and Poor bad impression on the man y That's reasonable, is it not? Better give THE YOR1 your next order for Stationer Printed Matter of a Quality tl I sion. The difference in cost ? ENQUIRER QUALITY is v 1 appearance is very great. Gi 2 Stationery I L. M. Grist's 5 I YORKVIL to sleep on a divan that we didn't want him to sleep on, and so to break him of the habit I whipped him every time I found him on the forbidden territory. "One day I came home and heard a suspicious thump just before I opened the door. "I went in and felt the couch, and, sure enough, it was warm from the dog's body, and on that circumstantial evidence I whipped him. Not long after that I had occasion to go out, and when 1 returned I found the dog blowing on the couch to cool the place on which he had been lying." Not considering that the man was properly squelched, Haley then told the following with good results: "I owned a fox terrier puppy one time that I desired to teach cleanliness, so one day when I had given it milk in a saucer and it had spilled some on the floor I boxed the animal's ears and threw it out the door. Two days in succession this happened, but on the third day when the dog had spilled some milk it slapped its own ear and jumped out the window."?Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. Needed..?A young minister had obtained a kirk in a mining district in Scotland. After a deal of difficulty he managed to secure lodgings. The first morning following his arrival the landlady knocked at the door with the rather unusual query as to whether ho had washed himself. "Yes," ho said. "Why?" "Because." she replied, calmly, "I'm gaun to mak' a dumpling for the dinner, an' I wad like the len' o' the basin!"?Tit-Bits. Crockery, Glassware, Enameled Ware, Lamps, Etc. We have added the above lines of goods to our stock of Furniture and House Furnishings and we want everybody to come and see us when in need of this class of goods. We expect to handle these lines regularly, and to buy in quantities sufficiently large to get the lowest prices and at -11 41. ?.111 K- <- |n ?|,, ^ tut liinca win uc in puomvii iu giT? our customers inside prices on this class of goods. Before you buy anything in Crockery, Glassware, Enameled Ware or Lamps, do yourself the justice of seeing our goods and getting our prices. FURNITURE. Before you buy anything In Furniture or House Furnishings, come and look over our stock. We have the goods, the variety, the quality and unless we make our prices right we can't expect you to buy. You will find that our prices are right for qualities offered. Remember that the latest and best thing in Sewing Machines is the Standard Rotary Central Needle Bar? Doesn't twist the spinal column. See Ft. Cash or Credit and a Square Deal. YORK FURNITURE CO TAX RETURNS FOR 1911 Office of the County Auditor of York County, South Carolina. Yorkville. S. C.. December 2. 1910. AS required by statute my books will be opened at my office In Yorkville on MONDAY, JANUARY 2. 1911, and kept open until FEBRUARY 20, 1911, for the purpose of listing for taxation all PERSONAL and REAL PROPERTY held In York county on January 1, 1911. All returns must be made In regular form and It is preferable that they be made by the property owner In person to me or my assistant, direct, on blanks provided for the purpose. The returns must be duly sworn to either before me or my assistant, or some other officer qualified to administer an oath. All items of realty, whether farms, or town lots, must be listed separately. Returns made on proper blanks, and sworn to before an officer qualified to administer an oath and forwarded to me by registered mall before February 20. 1911, will be accepted. All taxpayers are particularly requested to inform themselves as to the number of their respective school districts, and where they have property in more than one school district, they will please make separate returns indicating the location of each piece of property. The school districts in which there are special levies are as follows: Nos. 23 and 27. in Bethel township; Nos. 6. 29, 33 and 43 in Bethesda township; Nos. 9, 20, 40 and 44 in Broad River township; Nos. 9, 15 and 20 in Bullock's Creek township, No. 12 Catawba township; Nos. 7, 12, 35 and 43 in Ebenezer township; Nos. 26, 28 and 39 in Fort Mill township; Nos. 2 and 37 in King's Mountain township; Nos. 11, 20, 33, 35. 42 and 43 in York township. For the purpose of facilitating the taking of returns, and for the greater convenience of taxpayers, I will be at the following places on the dates named: At Rock Hill, from Thursday, January 26, to Wednesday, February 1. And at Yorkville from Thursday, February 2, until Monday, February 20. All males between the ages of twenty-one and sixty years, except Confederate soldiers over the age of fifty years, are liable to a poll tax of Sl.and all persons so liable are especially requested to give the numbers of their respective school districts in making their returns. It will be a matter of much accommodation to me if as many taxpayers as possible will meet me at the respective appointments mentioned above, so as to avoid the rush at Yorkville during the closing days. JOHN J. HUNTER. County Auditor. Yorkville, S. C., December 2, 1910. 96 f. 4t HHMHH PLEASE! n vital importance to you be sion you would make on the | du come into contact. If this : ,98 suit of clothes do you just t i? But, you naturally prefer ) ; 'rinted Stationery ? j Representative in cases where Face to face. If it has the ear- j Quality, it is sure to make a ou seek to do business with. J| KVILLE ENQUIRER your I y. You will be sure to get || lat will make a good impres- M between the cheap kind and Jffi ery small. The difference in || ve Us Your Next Order for I l H 1 w ions, Printers, I LE, S. C. I < ?? !? ??>?* ?+?+ ?+?4? ? ? ?+? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?< I Foil 77tin/t You Paid It? I f t ? BUT THERE IT IS STILL CHARGED AGAINST % ? YOU; NO RECEIPT, NO NOTHING TO SHOW ? f YOU HAVE EVER PAID IT. + You feel sure you have; but You Think will not go ? .j. against the other fellow's written account. You paid It in a V Cash, therefore you have nothing to show. You need what? v $ You need the documents. The best and surest way to have ? j, them is to Deposit your Money in Our Bank and Pay by x ? Check. ? T ' T v Oh, you say, it is all well and good for banks to tell you b# f to deposit your money. It is to their interest for you to do so. * ? They want it for the profit they can make out of it. You are ? T perfectly correct in that respect. The bank would not care T ? for it, if there was not something to be gained by its use; ? 4? but at the same time, we know it is better for you. If you 4. ? can do something that is good for yourself and still be of ? T benefit to some one else, is not that good policy? One is T ? pretty narrow who looks only to himself. ? $? ?* V GET IN TOUCH, AND GROW WITH THIS GROWING J 5 BANK. & | The FIRST NATIONAL BANK, | * YORKVILLE, S. C. * 6 $ j? O. E. WILKIN'S, President. R. C. ALLEIN, Cashier. ? ?*4<5?+ ?4?4 <5t+<5>+ GET SUBSCRIBERS FOR THE ENQUIRER ?8?*A X&+A X-l-bA ?#*A ***A **+A W&+A *#+A *&+A *?4A *?+A *>> It Is Pleasant, Easy Work and Good Pay *A ?t?4A *?*A *#+A *?4A **+A *?4A *?*A *?*A K?+A **+A X*+l Quarter Leather Top, Rubber Tire ROCK HILL BUGGY For the Largest Club ?#+A ?#+A *?4A *?4A ??4A X?+A *?*A *?*A XQ+A X?*A *?4A XZ Two Horse PIEDMONT WAGON For the Second Largest Club ?$+A XQ*A X*+A *?4A *&*A **+A X?+A X**A XZ+A *$*A X%+A XA 16 HIGH GRADE SEWING MACHINES 16 To As Many Different Competitors *%* 4?? AA ?$* *?? AA ??* +$? AA ?? 4?? AA ??* ?? AA ?? THE YOKKVILLE E\QUIKEK IS ONE Of TilE MUSX XjU-nruc,in, AND SATISFACTORY FAMILY NEWSPAPERS IN THE SOUTH. It is clean, reliable, high-toned and Instructive. It should be in every York County home, and is well worthy of a place in every home in the State. It has a record of more than half a century behind it, and its publishers are constantly seeking to make it more useful to Its patrons. In order to extend that usefulness it is necessary to get more subscribers, and to make it worth the while of Clubmakers we are offering a liberal line of valuable premiums. OUR PROPOSITIONS. To. the Clubmaker who returns and pays for the largest number of names before SATURDAY, MARCH 18. 1911, at 6 o'clock p. m.r we will give One Quarter Leather Top Rock Hill Buggy (Carolina Grade), valued at Ninety Dollars. To the Clubmaker who returns the second largest club under the same conditions by the date mentioned, we will give a Two Horse Piedmont Wagon, valued at J67.50. The contests for these two premiums Is open to all comers, regardless of place or residence. In addition to these two leading premiums, however, we will award Sixteen High Grade Sewing Machines, of two styles, one retailing at $10 and the other retailing at $30, two Machines to go to each township, excepting to the townships in which the Buggy and Wagon may be awarded. After the Buggy and Wagon have been awarded, the Sewing Machines will be awarded In the remaining townships to the Clubmakers making the largest and second largest clubs, and the awards will be made regardless of the number of names In the two leading clubs. That is If the Buggy or Wagon goes to one township Clubmaker for a hundred names, more or less, and the second largest Clubmaker in that township has only two names, he or she will be entitled to a Sewing Machine. In each township where neither the Buggy nor Wagon shall be awarded, there will be awards of two Sewing Machines made to the Clubmakers having the largest and second largest clubs. PREMIUMS. All of our readers know what the Rock Hill Buggy i3. They have been running throughout this section for years, and they have never been known to fail to give satisfaction. The buggy we are offering has been purchased from Messrs. Carroll Bros., of Yorkvllle, the Local Agents, and Is subject to all of the guarantees of the Rock Hill Buggy Company. The Wagon is of the well known and time tested Piedmont make, and may also be seen at the store of Messrs. Carroll Bros. It has 3-inch skein and 2-Inch tires and is guaranteed for a year as to material and workmanship. Messrs. Carroll Bros, stand by the guarantee. The price $67.50. The best grade Sewing Machine offered, has high arm, drop head, hand lift, five drawers and is ball bearing. The retail price ranges as high as $40.00 and It seldom sells for less. The second grade Sewing Machine is almost as good. It is also of the drop head description, has five drawers and is practically the same as the other with the exception that it is not fitted with ball bearings. WHAT A CLUB IS Two or more names returned by a single Clubmaker will be regarded as a Club, and whoever desires to enter the contest will not only be regarded as a Clubmaker, but is assured that whether he or she is successful in carrying off one of the competitive premiums will receive full compensation for all the work that will be involved. The price of a single subscription Is $2.00 a year or $1.00 for six months. In Clubs the price for six months remains the same, but for a year It is only $1.75. OTHER PREMIUMS. Besides the Buggy, Wagon and Sewing Machine premiums, which are to go as full and complete rewards to the Clubmakers making and paying for the largest clubs in the county and the respective townships, we are offering SPECIAL PREMIUMS for all smaller Clubs, from three names up. FOR THREE NAMES.?A year's subscription to the Progressive Farmer, the best agricultural weekly In the South. FOR FOUR NAMES.?A Stylographic Fountain Pen; a handsome ThreeBladed Pocket Knife with name and address on handle; or one of the late new Ncels that retail for $1.00. FOR FIVE NAMES.?A "Bannatyne" Stem Winding Watch, a gold pointed Fountain Pen or a Four-Bladed Pocket Knife. FOR SIX NAMES.?An "Eclipse" Stem Winding Watch, Hamilton Model 15, 22-calibre Rifle, a year's subscription to the Christian Herald, Saturday Evening Post, a 22-String Zitherr. or any one of the new popular $1.50 Novels. FOR EIGHT NAMES.?An Ingersoll "Triumph" Watch, Daisy Repeating Air Rifle?works like a Winchester?a fine Razor or a Pocket Knife, a Rapid Writer Fountain Pen?plain case; or a Hopf Model Violin or an 8-lnch Banjo. FOR TEN NAMES.?One year's subscription to THE ENQUIRER, a No. 2 Hamilton, 22-Cal. Rifle?model 11; any one of the $1.75 or $2.00 publications one year, or a Gold Mounted Fountain Pen, a good Banjo, Guitar or Violin. FOR TWENTY NAMES.?Cri k-Shot Stevens Rifle, a 10-oz. Canvas Hunting Coat, a No. 1 Ejector Single-Barrel Breech-Loading Shot Gun, or any one of the $4.00 Magazines for one year. FOR THIRTY NAMES.?Either of the following: A Single-Barrel Hammerless Shot Gun. a fine Toilet or Washstand Set, or a Hopkins & Allen, Jr., 22-Cal. Rifle. FOR FORTY NAMES.?A fine Mandolin, Guitar or Banjo, a New York Standard Open Face Watch, a Double-Barrel Breech-Loading Shot Gun. ANYTHING DESIRED.?We will arrange to furnish any special article desired by a Clubmaker for a given number of names on application at this office. TERMS AND CONDITIONS THE CONTEST BEGINS NOW and will come to a close on SATURDAY, MARCH 18. at 6 o'clock p. m., sharp. Each Clubmaker will be held individually responsible for the payment of the amount due on all names returned by him or her. Where It is desired to stnn a subscription before the close of the Club contest, the Clubmaker may do so by paying the amount due at the time of such stoppage. Where a sudscription has been paid in full, it cannot be discontinued. The Clubmaker, however, may, if he sees proper, transfer the unfulfilled portion of the subscription to' another subscriber, provided the person to whom the transfer is to be made was not a subscriber at the time the original name was entered on our books. No name will be counted in competition for a premium until the subscription price lias been paid, nor will any premium be delivered until the Clubmaker has either paid or made satisfactory settlement for all the names on the Club. In cases of contention by two or more Clubmakers over the right to a name, preference will be given to the one who pays for the name FIRST; but where both pay. we shall not attempt to decide the matter except by crediting the name for one year for each such payment. After a name has been entered on our books, 110 transfer will be permitted. This is positive and emphatic, and where Clubmakers attempt to make such transfers, they must concede our right to take such steps as may seem necessary to protect the fairness of this provision. The Clubmaker who returns names must pay for them. Clubmakers who try to return and pay for names already regularly returned by others will be called down, especially if there is evidence of an understanding between the Clubmakers. This is not for the protection of the publishers; but as a guarantee of the fairness of the competition. Any and all Clubmakers will have the right to Get Subscribers Wherever They Can. It is not necessary that all the names shall go to the same address. The fact that a name was returned on a certain club last year does not give that Clubmaker a right to return it this year. * " j-j i. ovnonoo of t hnsfl qphH. All subscriptions must De rorwarnea i<? u.t m mc " ? ~ ing them, and we will be responsible for the safe transmission of money only when it is sent by Draft, Registered Letter, Express or Postotfice Money Order. In sending the names. Always give correct names or initials, and present postollice address, and if possible say whether the subscribers are NOW taking the paper. Careful observance of this will be the means of avoiding much trouble and confusion. In case of a tie for either the Buggy or Township Sewing Machine Premiums, TWO WEEKS will be allowed for the working off of the tie. After the close of the contest on SATURDAY, MARCH 18, ut 6 p. m? the price of a year's subscription will be $2.00, unless New Clubs are formed. =L. M. GRIST'S SONS, PublishersYorkville, South Carolina