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iiii? i i ifiiiw? f}*ti y.v<i>ticolmi/) h^tniil m(: Kg < ft&y'l<* /'.???u'llo 'ifnl W*l -<?i 6'-;'' l?| ' "y fttnoti vnVh? Tf{Wtr?i i A" .-,.:;?;:?') K I ?*\r. "io ?roifS* *.?ifi 1>? /t<4' i ?'? .' .?" . >) jjfi i - '?' -;/?iliVw t ' }i ??iijjjg .' ?V? { V ? t b ?('??<.': T>i V ?? P. V;tf. V> .'1. '? ^' H": -Lilt l* *ti ?? ? M?TW ttU? .-?: i -i.-.-j. ??>.-> Irl l>?m?f /?I flr.rb\ .vt'??ii l>b-:" -.??.- ???>-:-: ??, . "? ?'' !',:'' ?I V': ? . -ty ? /i.-.f ?; j ! ..i..-.v!b,bf>.,J ? \ fJA'4'A tlrtri l.ia i t T . ?> ? r? ;j i it yj o Ka? H<> ^11 iniK?T OtTB' HOlffiES;' THEN OtTH StT^TE ; FINALLY THE NATION; THESE CONSTITUTE OXJTfr~&?tl3tt^^ SATURDAY MORNING, JULY 20, 1867. ; ?? ?-.'! ?:o:-? ?WWISr?KP AT.'0^?iHB3anGr!c. 8 tn^to^'8ama& ??rning. <H*l.?ti4?Mit 1,0001 cW ll.i 1,1 't ? ? ? * CHARLES H. HALLy Publisher. /*!??? uT'iJ: ?m{*fcTf*o:-rr ..j i .. .? -t< { 'Jq i TERMS OP SUBSCRIPTION, <?? **V I -^?Copy-fdro^ V " " Six Months..*.. 1,00 1? ft Three > .,. fin aAy, .making. UP,? CLUB of FIVE ANN UAL ? Jcp^( r?ooive an extra copy ?FREE OF CHARGE. RATES OF ADVERTISING. .? ft Squaro I?t InBerUon.v..........\l/...,$1.50 JnVjutt; ;-2*-.. >V. ???.TQ A Squaro consist* of 1Q lines Brevier or one inch of Advertising space. Contract Advertisements inserted Upon tho most liberal term8. , , > ?" i -oi:- /? ? ??;o;-? ^?M?R?r?GE ind F?NER?L N0TttjE8, not e cccding one Square, inserted -without charge. '-???.'..? ;? .? ;- ???' ? :6>-i.?:. m<T IGT Terms Cash in Advance. i?ni iiw ? fti'v'Oiin j ;oarV ? '.' #br further particulars, apply to Mi? Cu.\ni.Es ll. II all, or address mJ SAMUEL DIBBLE, ?> r. Editou OnANaEncna News. ' Ornngeburg, 8. C. .feb 2d ? ? - : ? '? ly PUBLIC OFFICERS. OBANGEBURG DXSTHICT. j,,0??i*a?t-?-P. A. MoMichnct. ' ': Commissioner'!* Equity?V. D. V. Jamison. ' Ci.r.nk of CbcBT?Joseph F. Robinson. * flihshrfrr?tf'. W. H. Dukes. Coroxeb?C: K Glover. ^^'^r^CotLEjrroBe.-rOrimgc Parish?P. W, Fairy. fit, Matthews Parish.?W. II. Da'ntxler. " Asst. Assest-oa U. S.' Rkvesck.?George W. Sturgeon. 'iaa'B^ir roh SrAMrs, P. V. Dibble. * r :MAtttsru\tks?Th?mas.P. 8tokos, W. R. Tread wcll, A. J: Gaskins, F. W. Fairy, David L'. Connor, Felder, Lovin Argoc, R. V. DanncRy, E. A. ' Price, W. L. Ehney, J. EL Pricket, Samuel E. Moor, er, C. B. Glover, E. C. H?linan, P. C Buyuk, F. M. Wannaniaker, D. O. Tindnll. Com mission uns to Approve Securities?J. G. Wannamaker, James Stokes, D. R. Barton, Adam Smoke, A. D. Frederick. .. ? . Commissioned or Puulio Buildings?Wm. M. Hutson, Harpin Riggs, E. Ezckicl, Joseph P. Hur ley,?. II. W. Briggmonn. Commibbioneiis of Roads?Orange Parish?West My IIouser, B* W. FairyV Bamuel M. Fairy, Samuel C&rjf?r* F,:LI*/ingatpn, AV. Sf RUey, Wostlcy: Culler, II. C. Wannamaker, N. E. W. Sislruuk, II. Living ston, James Stokes, J. D. Knotts, R, P. Antlcy, John iL Bowman, J. L. Moorcr, W. C. Moss, Lewis Ga *lck, E. A. Yoh/J/il. O'Cain, Ellison Connor, John JBrodie, J. G. Gui'gnard, Jacob Cooner, George Hjrd, J. T. Jennings, David Dnnnolly. CoMBtflSiONEna or Roads?St. Matthews Parish? Darby, W. C. Han?, M. K. Holman, Andrew Hotter, S, A, Parlour, E. T. Shulnr, J. L. Parlour, Owen 8U#bir, T, 6. ??ulnr;, W. L. Pou, J. W. Sel lers, Bj W, RbAqSj It W. Barbour, Augustus Avin IP. A?i??er7 ? D.'Ztigler, M. J. Keller, J. G. ITobn?n. ? Commissioners of Free Scuoots-?Orange Parish "David L. Obn??r, J. *R. Milhous, Hen.'*/ N. Sncll, John* Jordan, N.-C. -Whetstone, John InnL??1?5^ Dr 0.3M.,pwP?an, Samuel Dibblo. ? /commibwoji.e.bp Jp.F F;p.e.E.Sic?.ooi.ft-St. MftttllO,'vy I^JrbilirT^Peter Buyck, I.?. Keller, Westley Houacr, .John Riley, J. H. Felder, Adam Holman. ^?'1 ' ii3 I fag ? l . ?! _j Offices in OrangcDurg District. , offices, p08thasters. fOrangeburg.Thadd?us C. Hubboll. ifjt. Matthews.Mrs. Sally J. Wiles. Vaft'ce's Ferry........R. M. E. Aylnger. jBranchvillo..........Mrs. Amy Thompson. Fort Motte.John Birchmore. ? LjiuI? Hrfg-:- 1 - Schedule South Carolina Rail Road. V,ti Down Passenger. Leave Columbia at.,.?. ?.80 A. M. ??i Orangob?rg at....,. 10.89 A. M. Arrive at Charleston.;. 4 P. M. ; ?? Augusta..,,.,. ? P. M. Up Passenger. Heave AUgusta at....... 7 A. M. 'nrlX Charleston at.......'... 8 A.M. ?? Orangehurg at. 1.30 P.M. Arrive at Columbia at.,..,. 6.20 P. M. '<! /> Down Freight. Leave Ornngeburg at...10 A. M. Arrive at Charleston at...??,..?. 6.10P. M. ",' , ' '' ' '"? Vp Freighi. ?>.dl b .? ? <'. ? ? j ? T ? i 1 Leave Orangehurg at.,...??,.1.38 Y. M. Arrive at CpjHmbia at,...,?,,..,,Mti'?6.80 P. M. mar 3$ ;/ J P ' M ?> v. . rii . " ? :-5?. .. .- ? -.>?'< '.?.'"'!...?' " v' POETRY. ? ??{? ,t P , ?.? ? ; , ? ' : ? '' '? ' ??-?F*oin tho Carolina Spartan.] ;THe : Blues. ' fcaMirj *;..? .!? .1 t??[nl ?: ? ! - Sho sat by the parlor window, In brocad'j and ribbon and laco; On one lily -hand she rested I Uer dimple, yet colorless face ; The other one held a novol, Which she certainly did not peruse.. Fordier eyes woro that restless languor, ' Of one who is in the "Blues." -Shodropped ho* book in impatience? - ? ft She rooked in her velvet chair-r Ske sighed, as her arms sho folded, With a Ihtloss, woc-bogono air. "O, dear," she exclaimed, '"it la dreadful I Can nothing my thoughts amuse ? *Ib there no specific, I wonder, ? For the terrible, terrible'Blues?'" ''Now there's my .splendid piano, And several new pieces to learn, But 'tis distraction itself to practice With no one the pages to turn; So I'll just walk down in the basement, (And she glanced at hor now* ??No Two's"') It can't be worse than enduring . . Alone, theso horrible Blues." So out of the parlor she fluttered, '' In brocade aqd ribbon and lace; At tho pantry-door sho encountered Her mother's true w?inanly.faco; It was thin and pale, and time worn, But dignity sat on her brow. And tho jewel, patience, sparkled From eyes once brighter than now. "O, mother you look so cheerful, And yet you arc working so; You always seem kind and pleasant, Why.is it, I'd like to know t I'm restless, and weary, and lonely, My patienoo I'm ready to lose For Fred will bo gone fop a fortnight, And I'm literally dying nf Bhiep," ?'The Blues," my daughter, is only ' Tho result of nothing to do; The true woman makes herself useful And never finds time to be Jbluo;' 'Life is real and earnest' and fleeting, Artd tho river of time tlowcth on? To Eternity's ocean 'tis bearing ' Each deed that each mortal hath done." ?d?aoh day its Record is making; Each moment is written above; Euch feeling, each thought, each purpose, Euch word of haired or love. 0,* then have wo time to bo idle! llfive we moments to throw away? They'ro more precious thnn pearls, my daughter j 0, gather them, Pftvolhom to-day." '?I see, mother dear, I've mistaken Tho secret of life's happiness : " To be useful and make others happy, Ik the only way to be blest. So mother, I'll doff these trappings, And assist you now, if you choose; And if young men will take my advice, they'll beware ? Of gibls pre-disposeo to tuk dlokb." LITERARY. (SELECTED.) HOW I JiOST MY CHAPTER I. "Do you object to smoking, sir V This I asked in my-blandest manner of an old gentleman who sat with his faoo hidden by a newspaper, opposito me in a railway carriage. All tho scats in the carriage wcro filled ? I and four others were on our way from Cam bridge to onjoy tho Christmas vacation. Our spirits wore high, for there is a dolight in ban isn-ing, for a time, all thoughts of conio sec tions, Newton's "Principle " and the little go, and cntfc'rtai.ning, in exchange, visions of "hops," skating parties, and all the Orgies which every right-minded family hold at this season in honor of King Christmas. But I must introduce you to my chums, for chums wc were, although our' taBtcs did not all lio in the same direction. Jack Stirrup, is (or rather was at that period) a riding and hunting man, and was not unfrcqucntly to he seen at Nowmarketj Stretcher, on tho other hand, loved boating, and preferred the sight of a well-developed biceps, to that of the best bred hunter, and would often remark to Jack, ''How on earth you can say that you would rathor sec tho 'Two Thousand' than tho 'Tiinc-race' in tho 'Colquhoiin Scclls,' I cannot, for the lifo of me, mako out." Edwards was a poor and reading man, but wljoso wit aud talonts rendered him a universal favorito; \vh,ilst Davics was a rich, open-handed, good h,cartod fellow over U.YCUV F?r B>y ?wu T)art> I do not think I had any woll defined peculiarity, but did a little of everything. I read a little, rowed a little, hunted a little, had a fair in come,?in ?bort, if I had any characteristic at all., it was a love cf laziness and practical jokes. ,* We congratulated ourselves ja geling a car ringe to oursulvo?, (with the 'exception of -the old gentleman I have named,) for wo intended to'keep out the cold, and boguile our journey* with sundry pipes and oigara: We had our case out, and we?"o preparing to light up, as a matter of course, when wc were astonished by my vis-a-vis dashing away tho newspaper which, had hidden liia face. ? ^..'w. - 'fDo I object to smoking ? Yes, sir, I do ob ject 1 it object ?very strongly, Bir ! and I beg. that you will instantly replace ypur cigars in your pockets. I insist on having no smoking in.this'carriage I" fj .; k '? We looked aghast at this sudden burst of old gentlemanly wrath. "Might I ask if you intend travelling far ott [ this line, sir ?" inquired Edwards in his comi cally polite tone. "What is that to you, sir? What business IB it'of yours where I am going to ?" "I merely wished to suggest, in case of your travelling far, that, pleasing and delightful as it would bo for us to enjoy your agreeable so ciety, yet nevertheless, wo would try to bear the loss, should you prefer to change carriages at tho next station." "No doubt you would wish to get rid of me; but ho sir ! I do not move my scat, and tho first one that smokes I report to the guard." "In that case I lear wc shall be obliged, pain ful though it bo, to tear ourselves away," I "said, aswc drew at a small station. Fortunately wc found the next copnrtmcnt empty, and ? as wc started again wc pulled out the cignr cases, this time to light their con tents. 1 "Tho old boy has certainly got out of bed the wrong p;dc this morning," said I puffing away. "Or has made a mistako in his betting book," remarked my sporting friend. "Wc will give him a benefit now, at any rate ; I voto we take it iu turns to puff smoke through the lamp hole. Let's look at him; ha! cooled down a little?is about to compose himself to sleep. I'll troublo you for his night cap ; come ajjd look at it, Fred.". I did so, and roared on seeing a red woven cap of conical shape, which added very con siderably to the irascity of the wearer's fea tures._ ? w^^^^-rr^m^m Witlrp7re8evc*f1fiicc^ better'' cause, wc each made a tube of a paper, and putting the end through the lamp-hole, took our turn at "smoking him out;" and I blu.il 1 as i I now think bow heartily wc enjoyed the en raged state in which he jiaccd up and down tho empty carriage like a caged tiger: The n:xt time wc stopped, however, the guard put his head into our carriage window and said with a wink? "Gentl'n in next compartment complains of your smoking, sir." "Smoking I" wo exclaimed, with a mock in dignation. "Do wc look as though we'd boon smoking!* What nonsense!" And added in a mysterious manner, "You sec there's one vacant scat; of course we're uot.going to tell talcs of the man who occupied that." "All right!" said tho guard Ir.ughing; "I was not born yesterday." And aftcT a slight ly confidential transaction of a pecuniary na ture, left us in peace. The snow, which had been falling heavily all day, now lay thick all around. Our eyes ached again, as we looked out of the window (which was itself all frosted over) pn to the dazzling snow which covered all tho landscape; and as wc stamped our fect on the floor of the carriage, wo began hoartily to wish ourselves at our journey's end, and by tho fireside. * * * * * * "Halloo ! what arc wc stopping for now ? I wonder whother we're going to do an up-set, or anything exciting of that kind," said Davics, looking out of tho window. "I don't see a train anywhere that wc can have a friendly collision with." "Get out here gentlemen," said the guard, possingtho window; "tho line is snowed up. and wc shall havo to wait till it is clear." "Dut, sir," I said, "how on earth could they?" "Might I request to know who spoke to you, sir ? I consider your remark and interference excessive impertinence." This was a littlo too bad. and I turned to Jack and whisporcd that wc would devise some plan of giving our friend a lesson demonstra tive of the evil attending bad temper at Christ mas time. Wc were fortunatoly stopped at a distance of only two hundred yards from a station ; but n very poor station it was, without any waiting room or refreshment rooms. The station master, who was a pleasant sort of i\ fyllo^v, said we should have to wait but a couple of hours amj ga\o us a, room, where we j made the best of a bad job., and having scut I for somo bcor from the nearest "public," bc camo, ns Edwards mathematically observed, approximately happy. Tho old gentleman, however, had not yet vented all his wrath, but' kept on anathemathising tho saow and the railway pooplo at intervals. After we had warmed qursclvcs, Stretchier proposed that wc should have somo songs] but as no one volun teered, I suggested tbat we should get on our way sooner if wo all wont out and helped to c^ear away the snow from the line: To this all agreed, (with the exception of our amiable friend, ,of course.) S Wo had worked away merrily for about an hour, and were congratulating ourselves on being able to start again, when Jack came running up with a very pleasant expression of countenance, and as he tapped me on the jjhouldor, I remembered that he had not been with us for the ifet half hour. ? "Fred," he said, "I've an idea." "Koejp it, then," I replied; for it is so rare a commodity with you that I would not de prive you of it for the world." "Don't chafe, and I'll tell you all about it. .1 went up into the room at the station just now, and found our friend, the old boy, fast asleep in his chair, completely collapsed under tho so porific effects of tho fire and a glass of brandy and water. I immediately ran into the village aud- bought these, he said, showing me a hand ful of screws, a gimlet and a screw-driver. . "What in the name of everything ridiculous do you waut these fer ?" I asked. it "Don't you sec ! wo shall bo able to start again directly, now that th<s line is clear; wc will, meanwhile, run up stairs aud screw the old gentleman firmly into the room?the train goes on?wc are revenged for his surly behav ior to us, and he will then learn that 'old'gen tlemen should not be ill-tempered at Christmas time.'" "Capital!" I said, always ready to fall in with a practical joke; "let us be oft* at once." Wc certainly found the old gcctlcman in as Morphean a torpor as we could wish. His feet wore propped upon a chair, whilst his boots were drying, and be was breathing with his mouth wido open, in a rather npojdcctic man ner. "Shall I put a snowball into, caeh of Iiis boots j" I said. "No! that would bo too much of a good thing, but I'll tell you what you shall do; you're are rather n swell at drawing, aren't you? I'll just burn the cud of tkit beer bot tle cork, and you shall artistically adorn his Taco." !r**"i uai wspicnaiar-Tio-wuispcrca;~aarr -nm ished off with giving him n moustache, which turned up in a facetious manner. "Just luovo that looking glass, and put it so that ho may admiro himself directly ho wakes; and now let us be oft"." Wc walked on tiptoe to the door. The hinges began to creak ; and cold as the weath er was. a faint perspiration began to develop itself oh my forehead, us I noticed the old gen tleman move in his el.air ; it was, however, only to turn his head on to the other shoulder, and we closed the door in safety. 'Hive me the screws quick," I said, "and go to the bottom of the stairs and prevent any one coming up." I bored hole after hole as noiselessly as I could, and having made the door as fast as eight screws would make it, I ran down stairs and whispered '-All right!" ? "Is there a gentleman tip stairs, sir ?" said the station master walking towards us. "He asked mo to wake him up in time for the train, and it is just ready to go." "Oh, he won't like to be disturbed till the last moment, you may be sure," said Jack. "By the by, 1 wished to talk to you of a plan by which I think your statiou might be much improved." Now architecture happened to bo one of the station master's hobbies, and they were soon deep in discussion. I beat a hasty retreat to the guard, and producing a sovorcign said? "If you get us oft* in five minutes from now, waiting for no one, and ring your bell at the very last minute, that is yours." "All right, sir !" The luggage is all iu and most of the passengers. Take your seats. Going on ! he shouted, whilst I stood with my watch in hand. "One minute left! Hing the bell now," I said. "Ifthoy undothe.se screws in one or even five minutes, I'll eat them." Wc jumped into a carriage, tho guard gave the final whistle, and the train moved slowly on. We anxiously watched the result of our plot, with our heads out of the window. Af ter waiting one or two minutes, we noticed n figure gesticulating at the station window. The train thou passed into a deep cutting, and wc lost sight of it. OHAPTJSH II. 1 think I have forgotten to say that I was going to spend the Christmas with a eollogo friend, lie had promised to meet me at 0 station. You may imagine that I was not sorry to find myself arrived there, nor yot to sec my friend Tom stamping his feet on the platform, no doubt thoroughly tired of waiting for tho train, As ho drove mo up, he began talking of the different arrangements ho had mado for our mutual amusement. "To-morrow," he said, "I've set aside for'k*%M$gpi&jf.'[ TlidWiin? tlic pond in th'c pdrk riwept)'ancf iHvIted all 'fot jcnncs dehmseUe* within reach, and as they hnve all accepted, it will*give, you a' very fair idea of our 'native' beauty." : ' di: Now, of all jolly things in the world, I think a skating party is the j oiliest. Tom says thai I am fond of showing my skating offj but I deny that this has anything to do with it. Iii the first place, the frosty weather (and the mullet claret) induce high bpirits; then there are the tumbles to laugh at, and the ladies' skates to strap oia, (which last, iu: my own mind, is not the least part of tHe'entertain ment.) We had by this time reached the hou.se, and, after accomplishing our toilets, Tom-took me in tho drawing room. "The guv'nor isn't at home; let me intro duce you to my sister Minnie." Miss Minnie rose, and held out her hand at once, but for my own part, I was too dumb founded to utter a single word. I am told that lam far from eloquent when describing fe male beauty, so I will not attempt it here: but I must say that I had never, and have never I since, secu such a pretty and merry face. When dinner was announced, however, I had recov ered my equanimity sufficiently to offer her my arm, and after a short time we got to know one another thoroughly. >, Tho diuner (perhaps it may hove been the port wine) had opened my heart, and when we removed to Tom's sauefcttm to smoke, (where by tho way, Miss Minnie insisted on joining us, saying that she "liked to smell tobacco, and . found it so dull by fcerself,") I began to. relate my adventuro with the old gentleman. Peal after peal of laughter arose as I pro ceeded! with, my narrative. I warmed with my subject, quite outdoing myself in the descrip tion of the old gentleman's angry face and his irate behavior. "Here" I said, in tiiumph, "is my- trophy 1" and I held out the night cap. Never shall I forget that moment?brother and sister stared at it for one second, and then Tom looking vacantly at mo, immediately went. inAo a hy sterical fit of laughter. His face be gan to grow quite black, and the tears rolled down his cheeks. ??J5*y-Tucv picacutccr-nttj-CTnug *rm> a'TnugnTag' appearance, for I was struck with amazement at his behavior. At last, with what little breath ho had loft, ho managed to get out tho words: "It's?the?guv'?uor's?night?cup !" . As he said that he pointed at a small label inside the cap, which I had not noticed before, and there, sure cuough,wcrc the words: " To Grumblcthorpc, Esq., " Grumblcthorpc Hall," Reader, have you ever wished tbe earth to upon and swallow you up ? How fceart?y did I wish it at that momont. I saw the whole affair at a glance; I had been playing a practi cal joko upon the geutleman in whose house I was sitting, and hud been describing him in the most ridiculous light to his daughter. How I hated Tom for laughing, (his sister was nearly as bad, by the way,) whilst I sat turning al te mutely red and pale, considering what on' earth was to be done. At this moment a ser vant entered the room. "A telegram for Miss Grumblethorpo." She hastily looked over it, and then read it aloud to us: "Shall come by the 8.30 to-morrow morning. Some young 'jackanapes have played a practi cal joke, and caused me to miss the lost train to-night." At last I fouud words. "Tom," I said, "I must fly. Miss Gruniblcthorpe, I can not suf ficiently apologize to you for?" "Oh, you need not apologize to me, nor must you go cither. Tom, you must devise some csr cape Out of the dilemma." "It would certainly never do for the govern or to recognize you; he'd never forgive you, and would cut me off with a shilling. Oh! I have it; I sentence you, in punishment, to cut off those whiskers and moustaches?he'll never know you then." "Never!" I said with determination. "I'm not a vain man, but I never voluntarily make a fright of myself." "0!i ! I'm sure'you would look much better without them/' said Miss Grumblethorp; "bo sides. remember tho skating party to-morrow; I want you to teach mo so much. You really must jjot go." I wag not proof against this. The adorable Miss Minuio actually wishing me to stay ! Again, I recollected that I had no other in vitation for Christmas, and my family were spending tho winter abroad. Undor tho cir cumstances I determined to risk nil, and stay where I was suro to enjoy myself. Noxt morning I rose early, had a "clean shave" and borrowed a pair of light }>lttC spec tacles.?When I met Miss Grumblethorpe bn nvy way to breakfast, sho declared tho disguise was capital, telling me, at tho same time, that her father had arrived, and was in the- broak fast room, I was formally introduced, and by the way tKat ho received me, it r?a? evident h? had bot recognized mo m.thorle^^r. Tj:j?. I " AI w ay e gl ad: to. fioc Toiu'tf Irfefcdjtf/ &&&& rfdboj, ihuqqite fa; .?ne?7ftrtli^^ ?$Pfe?fli: goodness} h?I 'doesn't: choose' for Widpaniynr such puppios'ns. th'oso who insulted1 rpo.',' ye$te*"f day. I wonder .whether tb?j[ .c^to^^^/^K*?* selves gentlemen ?" . _ i In this strain he continued to talk uli break-? fast time, wh ilst I answered with perfect gravity, not daring to look at Minnie, for 1-1%.sure (eho waa enjoyibg thppoko?. )! b>jw*{ Ittd^A ? My story is nearly oV<?trfor (l,tyop\ ;jppp?-p? the day in toachiog.Miudio, . I;als.&;accpmpau' i?d her tho next evening to., a J^taifrts?f?/dJ1 found she could move more quiqkly atld'graeo-- ? fully than on the ice. ? fa r,fi{tnm * * * ? ?* ?; ??: .* ?' ?% ?Jv.m-iAi T alii now married, irind though 1 have since' grown my whiskers, my father-iitdnwi has never suspected that I itas ut\us yottfig" Jfct&a^ 'napes that tmbdte- Mm- mfce lor a tram-/' (lie baa" never mentioned that burnt cork business) UU<rt' has been.so kind to me that I have heaTtily're pented of it. ' ; frihbol i.-h-Mni rwttt "Sevhp Ii' ' I ' i ftj i in (Iif i iiinin ? mir'lTil ? HUM 0 R 0r WtHf, fl "Is there any person you would" p^tdiilariy wish me to marry 7" said a widow''expcfc&int to her dying spouso, who had Bccii vtionre4rtuft-'' of a tyrant in his day. "Marry:' th^'ftrfit; 1f' you like," was tho gruff" roply.?'?'??hV1 'no,?&$> ' dear,, you know it is not- lawful11?' imug6y?,'tw&' brothers." 1 ; ftfc - mm tail : I ?fd N ,oit An elderly gentleman, -traveling in n stago* coach, was amused by tho constant tire.,of yMpdV kept up between two- ladles. One of cthcm, a>\ last, kindly inquired if their conversation did1 not make his head ache, when ho answered, with a great deal of nmvote-y "N% nrafam.I hay e been married 28 years I'* f; >' .^l'. Not many days ago a young lady from the' country went into the store of a merchant uot ' a thousand miles from Columbia, and asked if he wished to purchase a couple- di ???ier>3, at* tho- same time- throwing a pair of live, one^oo.* the counter. wft fen "Why, yes," ho replied; "but will ^hoy,Jaj?' there," meaning would they remain on tho' rnnt?1H?-t*vr rnvntnui. o . ? ?.> f-y-V.v-?r ??? "Lay there!" archly retorted tho fjtfti-' beauty ; "No sir! they wont, lay nc Them's roosters !" ? ?.. b; - M'T?\ ?.4.% . ? ?. ? ?T .; n.r?? Good.?It seems that wc vo awoman or.two^ in tho city who are capable of handling ' Iber reigns of government, as will bo sh^wtinIbya what follows : . ? "Our reporter was around hunting a house* for a friend, and called to see a family who' were preparing to vacate a cosy dwelling.' ^ ^ As the door stood open, reporter walked in without knocking, and Ivb eye? straightway lighted on the domo of the horrsrfnM' wl-.b' wW making frantic lunges with a brodlustick at" some object uuder the bed. . ! . ,u'.: 'un ''Good morning,-madam. Ah! you' have'a,? t^oublesomc cut under the bed ?" *-y^? 4,Troublesomo cat ??no sir 1 It is trthtirfeuk^ ing husband of min? j and I'll have him oui vr* break every bouo in his body !" "You will, oh !" said a faint voice under tW" bed. "Now, Susy, j'ou may rave nnd':."jwrih-dr and rave, but I'll bo dogged if I'll comB^p?t' from under this bed while I've got tho spirit of a man about mo-"? Waynubpro Time*, .. ,.- , DroTers vs. Fops. u .mjj' Pinner was spread in the cabin of tho^ ji?cr less steamer, the New World, and a splendid company were assembled about thof (topK* Among the passengers thus prepared for go's-' tronomic duty was a little creature of the genius," Fop, deckeu daintily as ah early butteFfly 'with kids of irreproachable whiteness, "miruclouV" neck tic and spider like quizzing glass on his nose. The delicate animal turned his head affectedly asido with? "Waitah?" tool I "Sah?" u y e. i-^n "Bwing me a pwopollah of a fwomtrle" woostah!" ' ''' w ?Mt "Yis sah !" "And Waitah, tell tho steward tp wub, \tny plate with a wcgetablc called onion, which wjj} givo a delicious flavaw to my dinnah." (-'r.'?xt While tho refined exquisite was giving order, a jolly western drovor had listened with open mouth and protruding eyes. When the diminutive creature paused, he brought his fist down upon tho table wHh u forco that made every dish bounce aud then tuundercd "Here! .you gaul darned aco-of-spades !'r~. "Yis, sah." "Bring hie a thuudcring big plato of skunk's gizzards!" ' ,u '"Sah?" iff / "And an old ink pot; tiick a h?Ys? .fcfehfclA utidcr my chin, and tub nie down 'wlth'"^*:!! bats while I feed ?* ' '5" hvi' ?fr tti The poor dandy showetT a "ykft W'sMIgtot tails instanter; n?a ^lO^Hd&'WHlb11 ^'Mvtcdftf a> -Ucuienjus rdar." ... .j,,^.,,