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? ????? ' Y*DE I UKC | Commencing I Bankrupt Stock oi . Tfttt AMA KS I A I ^ CIS ^ ????? BOWSER J| WOROS, I May Compile a Dictionary That & Will 0. K. His Pronunciations. a AUTHORITY FOR THE FAMILY. '' y Resolve Is Made After a Heated Con- ^ troversy With Mrs. Bowser Over Her Newfangled Twist on Up to Date Way of Speaking. . By M. QUAD. [Copyrighted, 1^09, by Associated Literary Press.] m m R. BOWSER had smoked and ro?ri snd nnnHprwl for near 1^8 ly an hour after dinner the I other evening when he iookJed op at Mrs. Bowser and said: *T don't want to find fault with you except in a good natured way. No husband ever finds fault with his wife but to benefit her." "I see," replied Mrs. Bowser as she laid down her book. "The other night, when Green and ills wife were over here, you spoke of - a certain lady as somewhat deaf. Did you mean that she had cold feet or what?' "Why, I meant that her hearing had become impaired." ' "Then why didn't you say that she bad become deef?" "I gave the word the proper pro; nunciation." " "I beg your pardon. Deef means hard of hearing. Deaf means nothing s whatever. I saw both Green and his ^ wife look at you and smile at each g other, but of course I couldn't say any- a thing. 1 hope you will make no more s slips of the kind. I explained to Green c today that you were brought up in the country." ^ "What has the country got to do with the proper pronunciation of a 5 word?'. rather hotly demanded j&rs. t g Honet H H HWith your land sake of saving j M you use a fert U only recommen H analysis. It reqi U cial knowledge t ij rials to analyses, it of a fertilizer lie ftfl terials used, so I I A\7Ar fpp rl tVip r ivy v vi i wvc kn v ^ time and starve This is why Ro are so popular. H gredient has ii y work to do. B years experienc goods for South enabled us to 1 y required. Q See that trade mark U TRADE M/ Q H REGISTEi Q F. S. Royster Q NORFOLI fc 2i- * AT< iM I ^ SATURDAY, FE * Goods of T. H. V irtfy of Staph _ - iowser. ^Tbe word is pronounced ef by all educated persona, and I'll rove it by the dictionary." "Never you mind the dictionary, and ever mind throwing out any further ints that I'm lacking in education. If -e-a-f don't spell deef, then fo-o-1 on't spell fool. Do you call a sheaf f wheat a 'shelf? Do 700 call leaf ef ? " "I'll get the dictionary and show ou that"? "You sit right still and never mind be dictionary. If some jackass has swammmmmmm 1 4""' A T\T/t*rrr\w A T> V T TXTTT.T, VY lid DfiftlJIJ ?ia V Jit A * ??? compile it." I rot up a dictionary telling us to proi ounce deaf as def I for one am not rcing to be guided by it. A few days igo I heard you talking about the heff of a hotel. How 'BheffV Do you all a leaf 'lef Y " "WhjT, everybody pronounces it that ray." "Excuse me, madam. If I differ with oil A cheff is a cheff or he isn't Lnjthlmr. .Half.?a dozen Jdlots. .may when tor the p i few dollars || ilizer whose if dation is its p aires no spe- 8 :o mix mate- i The value p s in the ma- M > as not to >lant at one f| at another. y yster brands y Every in- 0 ts particular y Twenty-five 0 e in making y ern crops has O mow what is 0 is on every bag p irk o I red: Guano Co. n K. VA. D % BRUARY 5th, as 7illiams, at prices 3 Goods in Tl il LEXINGT ^? call It sh'eif "to'ee smart, oat 1 want nothing of the sort around this house. I am neither a lulu nor a squirt" "Well, you can pronounce words your way if you wish," replied Mrs. Bowser as she toot up her booh again. According to Mr. Bowser. "But my way is the way?the common sense way. Right at the table before the cook not long ago you said that something was in-dic-ative of something. Where did you get your authority for pronouncing in-di-ca-tive that way?" "I never heard it called your way, and the dictionary gives it"? "Never you mind about that infernal old dictionary, as 1 have warned you before. I believe I speak the English language. I believe I know how to pronounce words. Because old Noei Webster or some other ass got up a dictionary must we pronounce after him?' "His name was No-ah," protested Mrs. Bowser. "But why does everybody pronounce it No-er, then?" "Nobody does, at feast no one but you." "Woman, don't lose your temper. It mv dntv as vour husband to see that you don't humiliate us before company. I bare long wanted to speak to you about the way you pronounce the word pi-an-o. You constantly call It pee^an-o. Why do you do such a senseless thing?' "Because I don't want folks to take me for an idiot Pee-an-o is correct." "Never! Never tn this world! Nc person with the brains of a chickadee In his head ever gives it that pronunciation. Why should he? You don't say pees for pies, do you? Sou don'1 say peek for pike. You don't say pre vate for private. Then why should you give your tongue a twist on pi an-o?" "Because the die"? "Stop!" shouted Mr. Bowser as he pounded on the arm of his chair with his fist "I'll heave the dictionary into the fire if you mention it again Two weeks ago you said you'd got tc go down to the ld-rop-o-dist's and gel your corn attended to. Did you go tc a brass foundry or a harness maker's?' | "You know I didn't." j "Then I take it that you went to a chir-op-o-dist, and why didn't you saj you were going there? What did you want to twist the word all out of shape for?" Mrs. Bowser was silent "And three or four weeks ago yo;: and another lady attended a matinee at what you called the Beezhou the atcr. I wasn't feeling very well at the time cr I should have spoken about il then. You called it a matin-ay. Give me your authority for it" "The whole world." "You mean a few tongue tied idiots A matinee is a matinee, and you can'i ttiqVo ?nr*hir><t ont of it. Do VOl call the Pedee river the Peeday? Anc the name of the theater?Bijou spell' Bijou, and there's no 'zhou' about it. 1 am talking for your benefit, under stand. It hurts me to hear you make such breaks.'* Mrs. Bowsor Wins. "And ft hurt me to hear yoa use the word nashun a few days ago,** retort ed Mrs. Bowser. "And nashun is the proper pronun cfatioo." "I deny it The dictionary**? Mr. Bowser sprang to his feet aot his color came and went For a Ions minute there was silence. Then h< said: "Woman, don't drfve me to th< wall!" "And you called It tabte de hoty.** "Mrs. Bowser"? "And you say A'ap-oleon for Na-po leon." Mr. Bowser choked and gasped. "And you say Chiny for China." More chokes and gasps. "And you pronounce it Vrrginny." "Woman, is it ix>ssible that yo* know who you are talking to?' "It is, and yen say hain't in place o have not." "Are you through?" "No, sir. You said the other day o a man that he was blase instead o blawsay. And I've heard you say tha I a woman was passy instead of passay And you call it de-trop instead of de tro. And you call it debut instead o dabue. If you won't go by the die tionary"? Mr. Bowser's Own Dictionary. "Silence! The dictionary! The die ll'nmo n hafl f rrkV tfft sllllj IAH1U1J * *1 UUiau, uvua have a dictionary. I wlJl compile it It shall be ready by spring. Then shall be no jackass business about it I will use It, aud you will u&o It, an< tbe cook will use it, and by the bean of toy father it there to any more toe: fool bustoefla acoaod tsbte boose 1 wtl have a divorce^* ad lasting for 8 da] 3 that cannot be ec offi a ; Bowser. "1 hope tliat in your new dictionary you won't divide it gig-antic, as I have heard yon, and that the festival bird won't be put down as a turk-eo. You see, j Mr. Bowser, I am simply talking for your own good. Green and his wife may drop in any night, and it would hurt me to have you pronounce it cow-cumber.'* j A minute later Mr. Bowser had donnod hat and overcoat and was outdoors. His head swam, and he need, ed air?lots of air. He was choking and his knees were wabbling when a man selling clothes cleaning soap hailed him from the gate. The Incident saved the great pronouncer's life. He uttered one long, loud yell and clattered down the steps and jumped the fence like a steer, and the last seen of the two they wore running ia the middle of the street and Mr. Bowser was ! slowly but surely gaining. [ Down ct Bacon Ridge. "By cricky," said the old postmaster . at Bacon Ridge in solemn tones, "things would be serious in this here town if a fire broke out during the next twenty-four hours!** "Firemen sick?" queried the soap . salesman. i "Worse than that. It's wash day, and every blamed one of their red shirts is hanging out to dry."?Chicago N<*vs. i His Limit. s "Aixl do you intend to ride on fast freights the rest of your life':" asked the housewife as she handed out the ) pumpkin pie. "Ah. no. mnin," responded Gritty : George, with a Chesterfield bow. "I am : only waiting for Oe aeroplanes to be built for two, mum " [ "Built for two?" "Yes; 2 cents."?Chicago News. Got a Good Start. "To what do you attribute your unf varying success:" 1 "To being picked for the village fool. Nobody ever tried to get me to indorse a note or go into a scheme,"? * Washington- Herald, ' Some Kinds. She?i thought some of taking up writing as a profession. Do you think there is any money in letters? 1 He?Lots. If you can play them up well in breach of promise suits,-Bal1 tirnore American. % Pain Chest For sore throat, sharp pain !, in lungs, tightness across the chest, hoarseness or cough, lave the parts with Sloan's Liniment You don't need to rub, just lay it on lightly. It 1 penetrates insta ntly to the seat \ of the trouble, relieves congestion and stops the pain. * Here's the Proof. Mr. A. W. Price, Fredonia, Kans., says: "We have used Sloan's Linio * oor anri finrl it an PYCf l lUWUk iUl U J WIM ) IA11V* ?... lent thing for sore threat, chest pains, colds, and hay fever attacks. A few drops taken on sugar stops coughing and sneezing instantly." Liniment f t f is easier to use than porous t plasters, acts quicker and does not clog up the pores of the skin. It is an excellent an- dOBA f tiseptic remedy for HjJjJ asthma, bronchitis, VsSjj and all inflammatory diseases of the throat and chest; will break up the > AttiAlrf mpmhrane ill BiiUHiilHMfj an attack of croup, I fc&ty B L[ and will kill any kind B B of neuralgia or rheu- B matic pains. rW^ B All druggists keep 1 Sloan'sIflnlment. B U^SSM i Dr. Karl 8. Sloan, -IjHil ^9tMA* rs, I will sell the res [iialed. ill Earl^ and gel j|P WALK-OVER ^ ^ | Shoe: Jjll Shoe? ? ?' n till ^ ill I ft S? cheapest to tl '111 A I^lSSN ^or men, w0jn iii JlJIp let yi I wjf WAL I $3.59 and $4.09 THE SHOE %? HnBnHBBnaHBBannHBBiaHaaHBBnni A Pl I i \ *""e 'nsura' I \ wMK$$ / no ?s*'matc Absolutely i N^ss^ cost ;s |ow. J. T. COLEMAN* Mgr. ALFR Charleston, S. C. THE PRUDENTIAL INSURANCE C< Incorporated as a stock company by John F. Dryden, President. iSantaMMEMMMHMaMHDinMnMSMMMHHVlMMHHaPWaaM |the place IV. Fancy and Staple Groceries, ! |i Cold Drinks of all Kinds. We j $ handling Cotton Seed Meal and B. | Barber Shop in connection. 1 J h> the patronage of Chapin and comi i& to nlease. All we ask is a trial. jiSUMSViER & ! [I CHAPXitf, S. < ATTENTION, FARMERS JT I am offering the following farms in Lexington couuty for sale, these farms jj may ne had for cash or on easy terms. | Consult me for particulars. | 250 acres, the Luther Wessinger place H 3* miles s w from Chapin (Dutch Fork) ? 5 room dwelling, barn, 2 tenant houses, B well and springs, fine combination H farm, 50 acres in pasture. | 65 acres same tract with or without j four room house. 100 acres two miles from Brookland | on Southern railway, fine for fruit and trucking 3 miles from city. 300 acres on Congaree creek, 7 miles j TH from Columbia, on public road, 100 [ acres cJeared, 120 acres wired for pas- !== t-nre, new 7 room dwelling, barn, stables, I etc. t 24 acres, 3 miles from Columbia, ad- * anc joining Brookland annex. Suited for j jiai subdivision or trucking. [ 0 room residence, large lot, also four gj ev room cottage in Brookland. Conven- k ?a ient to church and school. <0 acres line long leaf pine timber, jf j about 40 acres unbled, 7 mile9 from t , Southern railroad. 8 Several lots ana small tracts in and ?j pn< around Brookland. d pic List your property with me. I sell $ pic lots and homes. Farms for sale and > | , rent. C? K9. Dempse^j |if "Tho Land Wan" |j 1 217 Washington St. Columbia, S.C. | W LAND BOUGHT, SOLD AND EX- | 1] CHANCED ON COMMISSION. Sowing 2tfacHines. Tbe Champion New Home, New Acme and other new improved j drop head machines; nicely finished in oak; easy running and per- finn c feet sewing; folly guaranteed; for 8. C., tale at factory prices for cath, or oo easy payment*, at She Baaaar. _ ti Rioe B. Hunan li LA " ! ?A ^3 A M A -X* X Ta A LLiuiiuer ui ine , I f?yr PI@k i 9 S! ^ . 5 for Style > for Wear 3 for Comfort re them from the | \ le highest. All sizes |j nen and children. \: OUR NEXT [R BE A K-OVER : MAN IN COLUMBIA j | "udential ice policy contains | ' :s. Every item is guaranteed. The ED J. FOX, Special Agent, { LEXINGTON, S. C. ? JMPANY OF AMERICA, I r the State of New Jersey I Home Office, Newark, N. J J IWI? iw iwniim MII'XI % r i 110?31 to buy] Cigars and Tobaccos. & make a specialty of | nils at loest prices. | i 71 e solicit a share cf [| nnnity and are here $ c. 'j MMBMBBBMMnMBMIgB IMMMBIMI UMtJ gggxv; ERE'S JUST NO GETTING k I AWAY FROM FACTS. 'ben I stand square on both feet g I tell you I am selling better | fl ness for less money than you | H >r paid before. I'm telling facts | H ,nd I can prove it. | H "eighbor, don't buy a thing in g harness line 'till you get my & r fl res. Here are a few: 8 H >w Collars at 30e. g ,H w Bridles at 7Sc. | 30 Leather Collars at... $ t .50. | :ts help the svsule 1 I H I I Willi II I I I |jt SLSE W. MARTIN, I I 118 Plain St., Columbia, S. C. 1 To The Public. no longer connected with tie >f p. S. Hutto & Co., Swansea, H > bavlog sold my interest; te v. o. ? m i I. W. Hutto Swansea, 9. GL |H