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The Lexington Dispatch * Wednesday, February 4, 1903. Pin? Eidge Notes. To the Editor of the Dispatch: Old Pice Ridge is still holding its own with the bright and lively scholars who have not yet led the old renowned teacher estray. We can give an account of the terriable cold and freeze because there were four marriages last Wednesday, the 21st. More inhabitants beginning life. We shall not hear and see much religion until the holiness shall return in Chapin again. The Rev. Mr. Lybrand will preach now every third Sunday until a regular Dreacher is secured for the Piney Woods charge. At the home of Mr. J. L. Eargle, MisB Corrie Wessinger and Dr. John Bickley were united in holy matrimony on January 21, 1903. They were entertained by music that night. I tell you this cold weather makes the small grain draw up its nose and put on a reddish dress. The debating society of Pine Ridg6 last Thursday, after some debate, decided in fayor of the negative. The man that keeps everything moving is beginning to stir himself. If he iB the man behind the plow he -1- A, never gets no rem.. If yon wish to purchase good smok.'ing tobaeco see that the package "toats" the Dutch Fork label on its back. We regret very much that one of our schoolmates, Mr. F., cannot come to school on account of sickness. Swea. Pine Bidge School, Jan. 26. i _ Escaped an Awfai Fate. Mr. H. Haggins, of Melbourne, Fia., writes, "My doctor told me I had Consumption and nothing could be done for me. I was given up to die. The offer of a free trial bottle of Dr. King's New Discovery for Consumption, induced me to try it. Results were startling. I am now ou the road to recovery and owe all to Di\ King's New Discovery. It surely saved my life." This great cure is guranteed for all throat and lung diseases by the Kaufmann Drug Co. Price 50c and $100. Trial bottles free. Xa Slemoriam. James Harold Bawl departed this TonnoMf 1 9H9 ACrAll 91 i&AO VBUWIUAJ mmmm ? ? years, 1 month and 1 day. Just standing on the threshold of manhood, gazing with delight at the panorama enfolding and bonyant with bright anticipations, the lamp of life that lighted up this earthly tenement and lighted with such brilliancy the clear window that looked out from the soul, was fanned out by the chilling winds of the death angel. Away from home, striving to complete his education, won bis laurels and bear them in triumph to bis dear ones, he was cut down. The mark was too bright, death saw it, aimed his dart and after lingering in tbe balance, twixt life and deatb, tbe scale tipped and death won. Do we wish him back? Ah no! He had % drtmk only life's cup of youthful Bweets and was nearing the dregs of realities and disappointments. Best in peace, while memory weaves a garland and lays cn the altar erected in each heart for you. Brother. Dots from Adair. To the Editor of the Dispatch: The health of our community is pretty good at present with the exception of Mrs. Joe Shull. We hope she will soon be well again. We are pained to hear of tbe death of Mrs. Sallie Drafts. The family have our hAftrtfalt. avmmthv. ? WW -J t J Miss Sallie Smith and Mr. J. Abram Leaphart, of Trenton, have returned home from a visit to Mr. W. A. Leaphart's and other relatives. We were serenaded Saturday night by the band. Messrs. Dedrick and Eddie Kaiser and Lester Harman. We are justly proud of our musicians. Come again. Cherokee school is flourishing under the care of Miss Lillie Evans, of Orangeburg. We attended services at Shilob last Sunday *? <1 war. hi^tm p ea.-e ? with the sermwu by R v \V S Henry. Guess what.mm started shipping the other day and got out f r a li'tle exercise and let his mule b?~at him to town. Best wishes to the Dispatch and its many readers L January 29, ^903. Ths Easy Pill. DeWitt'rf Little Early Risers do not gripe nor weaken the system. They cure biliousness, jmndice, constipation and inactive livers, by arousing the secretions, moving the bowels geDtly, yet effectually, and giving such tone and strength to the glands of the stomach, liver and bowels that the cause of the trouble is removed entirely. These famous little pills exert a decided tonic effect upon the organs involved, and if their use is continued for a few days there will be no return of the trouble. I Kaufmann D-mg Co. Proposed New Circuits. The lawyers of the House of Representatives have agreed to present a bill proposing two additional judicial circuits. A committee consisting of | the members from each judicial circuit have framed a bill to that effect The Dinth circuit will be composed of Charleston, Berkeley, Georgetown and Horry. The tenth circuit is all of the "SghtiDg eighth" with Abbeville left out?Anderson, Greenville, Oconee and Pickens. Following is the proposod grouping of circuits: First?0:angeburg, Dorchester, Colleton, Beaufort. Second?Hampton, Bamberg, Barnwel', Aiken, Edgefield. Third-Sumter, Florence, Williamsburg, Clarendor, Lee. Fourth.?Coeaterfiald, Marion, Marlboro, Darlington. Fifth?Saluda, Lexington, Richland, Kershaw. Sixth?York, Lancaster, Fairfield, Chester. Seventh?Cherokee, Spartanburg, Eighth -Laurenp, Newberry, Greenwood, Abbeville. Ninth-Charleston, Beikeley,Horry, Georgetown. Tenth?Greenville, Pickens, Anderson, Oconee. v 7 DeWitt's Witch. Hazel Salve. 'The only positive cure for blind, bleeding,itching and protruding piles, cuts, burns, bruises, eczema and all abrasions of the skin DeWitt's is the only Witch Hazel Salve that is made from the pure, unadulterated witch hazel?all others are counterfeits. DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve is made to cure?counterfeits are made to sell. Ksufmann Drug Co. "You Lis!" Shouts a Girl. Washington, January 21.?Something of a stir was caused just before Mr. Cochran, of Missouri, conducted his speech in the House yesterday by an unexpected intterruption frato the ladies' gallery. Mr. Cochran was speaking of the "truckling policy of the United States toward Great Britian." When that truckliDg ceased, he declared, the people of Canada, now intensely loyal to England, would change their attitude. ' You lie," cried a stylishly dressed woman in a clear, ringing tone. All men turned to the ladies' gallery, where the young woman leaned forward defiantly as though she intended to say something further, but her companion pulled her back and she then left the gallery. Mysterious Circumstance. r\ i j __11 j it. _ | uub wuB paie uuu ut&iiuw auu iLie other fresh and rosy. Whence the difference? She who is blushing with health uses Dr. Kind's New Life Pills to maintain it. By gently arousing the lazy organs they compel good digestion and head off constipation. Try them. Only 25 cents, at the Kaufmann Drug Co's. Stoie. The Senate has passed the bill providing for bi-eDnialsessions of the Legislature. Should this retrogressive mesasure bo accepted by the people in good faith many a "statesman" will find himself "out of a job." Not many doctors have for their motto: "Let well enough alone." ? ? @ ? ? & & ? ? ? ? @ ? ? | TIE GRAND | ? ? ^ He Pays a Debt, but Can't Make ?g? ^ Out How He Came To +r* ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?" ? ? ? ? ? [Copyright, 1902, by Charles Austin.] MAJOR CROFOOT had been talking to a caller for half an hour on the prollt of raising long tailed oxen and establishing .soup factories ail over the world when be opened the door to let the man cut and found another ready to step in. It was a man with a bill for $2.50 for a hat. "I have come to see if you intend to r>ot tViic hill " thp pnlloftnr :is lie stepped inside the room and set his jaw. "A bill, and against me7" queried the major in a surprised voice. "My dear man. but there must be some mistakethere surely must." "It is for a hat, and Hie account has been running for two years." "A hat? Ah. is it possible that I bought a hat two years ago and didn't pay for it?" "It is not only possible, but it's a cold fact," replied the collector. "I have worn out a pair of shoes hunting you, and now I want to know what ; you are going to do about it. Understand right 08' the reel that you can't bamboozle me. I'm on to all your little tricks." "You seem to be laboring under considerable mental excitement," calmly answered the major as he walked about, "and therefore I shall overlook your somewhat insulting remarks. My friend, I can pay $1,000 for $1 as fast as any old debts come in." "Then pay the face value of this one. You have shirked it long enough." "Exactly. It shall be paid. Will you have cash or a check?" "The cash. Your check wouldn't be worth the ink it was written with. Two and a half, please." "You shall have it, and I trust you will later on render me full and ample apology for your words. Meanwhile let me ask you if you know anything about explosives?" "I know when I'm blown up or when I blow some one else up. What's explosives got to do with this old debt?" "A good deal, indirectly, perhaps. You haven't heard of the Crofoot warship exterminator because its existence has not yet been made public and won't be for ten days yet It is an exn nil fl ^ I I ^ I "PRODUCE THAT MONEY OR I WON'T LEATE A WHOLE BONE IN YOUR BODY." plosive shell of my own invention and will be tested by the government inside of a fortnight. We will say the situation is this: An enemy's fleet is"? "To Texas with an enemy's fleet!" interrupted the man as he flung his arms around. "I want the cash for this bill?two and a half?and your ? ? n HOCUS pocus UOI1 I gu. "An enemy's fleet is approaching our shores with hostile intent." mused the major as he looked up at the ceiling. "It has arrived within a distance of twenty-eight miles and is slowly creeping ..in?six vessels in line?when the Crofoot cannon is fired, and the Crofoot shell goes whizzing through the air. Five' seconds later it falls among the fieet. There is a terrific explosion, followed by shrieks and groans of despair, and six shattered men-ofwar, each manned with 330 men, slowly disappear in the depth*, of the Atlantic, to be heard of again. Not a ship?not a map?escapes. My friend, my conscience almost upbraids me for having invented such a thing." "And you want me to go into it, of course?" sarcastically queried the collector. "The position of secretary of the Crofoot warship exterminator has not been filled yet. and as the salary is $20,000 per year and you are a trusty man"? "Look here, old man," said the collector as the major paused, "I have come for. cash. I'll either have it or give you such a lambasting that 3*ou'll be in bed for a "week. Don't hold me here five minutes longer, or I'll break loose." "There was a time, and not so very long ago, when I was hard up. I found it hard work to even pay my laundry bills. Certain people, and you are one of them, stood by me and had faith in my promises." "Never! I always took you for a deadboat! Don't spring any guff of I that sort 011 me!" "And it is such 111011 I would like to reward now that my sun of prosperity has risen," continued the major in even tones. "You may not know anything about explosives, but you can learn, and under the circumstances"? "Do you pay, or don't you?" shouted the collector as he seized the major's coat collar. "My dear boy, it was settled long ago that I would pay. I will at once write you out a check for tw ice the amount, anil I hope"? "I want 110 checks.'"Then you shall have the ready cash. If you took the position of secretary, I should expect you to report within a week. Can you do soV" "I'm right here this minute. Cough up that two and a half." "If the position and salary of secretary are not to your liking.' then I would suggest"? began the major, but he never linished the sentence. The collector grabbed him and backed him up against the wall and "chugged" him three or foil'* times and said: "Now, by the beard of Joshua's goat, you produce that money, or I won't leave a whole bone in your body! Out with it!" "I owe you two and a half." said the major as liis right hand went down to his pocket. "You do!" "And?and hfre it is. That is to say"? T-I'O c- 4r r\ t?n v fliof V* r* rmllo/1 Allt i-iiui iio I.kj ouj uiai uv. -^v?w only a dollar, but the collector "chilled" him again, and a dollar and a halt' was added. The bill was receipted and left on the desk, and as the man went out he said: "That's all today, and I hope you'll enjoy the novel sensation." But the major didn't. He sat down and got up. and he walked to and fro and stood still, but he seemed to be in the midst of wheels going round. "I owed two and a half." he mused. "It was an old debt for an old hat. 1 have been ass enough to pay it. and the man has departed with the money. How did I come to? What has happened? Whrtl'c nTnnor with '' 1,M w w "* ** "'v And two other creditors at the door, who had found it locked, heard the major pacing to and fro and talking to himself, and they wondered whether it would be a case of suicide or one for a lunatic asylum. M. QUAD. Xo Monkey Ranch There. "During the last campaign," said Senator He.itfeld, "I spoke all over Idaho. One day, up in the northern part of the state, a wheel came off the buggy in which I was riding. I walked along the road a piece until I came to a rancher's house. The only person I could find was a big. shock headed Swede. " 'My friend.' I said, 'can you tell me where I can find a monkey wrench?' "He looked at me blankly for a minute and then said: " "i\o; mis nar uen a sneep ruiicu u:i over thai* ben a cattle ranch. I don't know where tliar's a monkey ranch!'" ?Xew York World. How It May Be Done. "Do you think that it is really possible to support a family on $10 a week?" said the woman with a worried look in her eye. "Certainly," answered the businesslike friend. "The experiment may be made quite remunerative if one only has the knack of writing magazine articles about it."?Washington Star. It Annoyed tier. "Yes, the widow is perplexed." "How is that?" "She doesn't know whether it means that her husband was a good man or she is a vixen." "I don't understand." "When he died, the papers said that he had gone to a happier home." ? Brooklyn Eagle. Slow Boy. Ascum?And what profession is your son to follow? Pater?I don't know yet, but that's about all he'll do. I guess. . Ascum?What? How do you mean? Pater?He'll follow some profession. He never seems able to catch up to anything.?Philadelphia Press. t Easy For Him. "I don't see." she said, "how you can pursue a train of thought here in all this noise." "Oli, I am an old commuter," he replied, "and pursuing trains has become second nature to me."?Chicago Itecord-Herald. Wheele & Wilson No. 9 BALL BEARING SEWING MACHINES!!! Wonderfully Light Running and Rapid. One-third faster; one third easier than any snuttie macmne. cave aouui ONE DAY IN THREE. Quiet and durable. THREE DRAWERS. FIVE DRAWERS, DROP HEAD AND CABINET STYLES. ORGAN'S. A lot of High Grade Organs very low for cash. One Chaple very near cost. 1900 BALLBEARING [ Washing M ichines and Ball Bearing Wringers These are tieasures No wet dresses and feet. Aiy seven or eight year old child ct-n work it. Will cleanse the clothes in ten minutes. Will last for years. T. T31. 1804 MAIN ST.. COLUMBIA, S. C. December 3, 1902. 3m ! it ii r ?-^ti? mi iii> uiiib i'mi > ng si? > i hh *" | CRACK GOES THE WHIP iff j j IN COME THE ORDERS : '' j TteTir^&nk&malb. 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