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The Lexington Dispatch. 1 Wednesday, April 16. 1902. - -? ----- * General Mixture. Pyny-Balgam Stops the Tickling:, and quickly aiiays inflammation in the throat. ^ la society life has its silver lining on the outside. * Love unadorned by wealth seldom cheats a widow. ? c Let your right hand know every- d thing that your left hand does. Noah played a great game. He 0 drew pairs and got a full bouse. ^ S? George Smith, of St. Louis, gave b by his will $450,000 to Harvard Uni- ? versitv. it / Propriety is doiDg things you never n eould do if you could do what you want to do. o: Tt The wise virgin knows that the ^ fcimidest man can love with the lights , bi turned out. Try Chamberlain's Stomach & w ell Liver Tablets, the best physic. For n sale by J. E. IvaufmaDn. al a< It is isn't the man who sells rum 9 that wants Sunday openings: it is the man who drink it. A negro who criminally assaulted m a rnnncf lftdv in Rnmp frA wrs r*r , ? J ~ o J . ?-w? " 1 lynched by unmasked men. h The Columbus (Ohio) School Board 01 has ordered that dancing be tabooed at all social functions of the High w School pupils. tb Death gets them all sooner or later; tb V* 11 ^ f in /vnnnv U.\m Vi a i n 4 a ^ uuu xu 10 <^ueci ^aiciui ue i? tu pick out the most useful ones first. President Roosevelt has vetoed a tb F number of pension bills recently lo where efforts were made to put de- la serters on the roll. P! Hilton's Life for the s k Liver and Kidneys tones Jj up the stomach. An explosion of gas in a coal mine w at Dayton, Tenn., resulted in the a' ? death of 22 men and the serious injury of many others. *a Kansas reports that the prospects indicate only half a wheat crop, or 40,000,000 bushels. Oklahoma is down for two-fifths of last year's crop. w It is now pretty well known that d< Cuban independence will have a stout ci string attached to it, and that the w end of the string will be in Washing- T ton. 2-: Seventy-five Georgia raised fighting cocks will be taken to Dallas, , Tex , during the reunion to compete ^ against all comers from the western States. * m "A neighbor ran in with a bottle qj of Chamberlain's Colic, Cholera and j Si Diarrhoea Remedy when my son was st nnffArinor RPVPro pramna woo given up as beyond hope by my or regular physician, who stands high tfc in his profession. After administer- ai ing three doses of it, my son regained consciousness and recovered en- j I tirely within twenty-four hour3," ; says Mrs. Mary Haller, of Mt. Craw- j ^ ford, Ya. This remedy is for sale by j J. E. Kaufmann. j The "John Wesley tree" at Thun- j or derbolt, Savannah, was cut down re- j st cently by a steel railway company. 1 w The tradition for a hundred years has id been that Wesley frequently preached w under the tree. j 01 The agricultural department has I sent 600 bushels of seed corn to farmers in Arkansas who are without A funds to buy owing to the failure of their crops last season, line is a form of seed distribution highly comS' mendable. . ; s' I take great pleasure in giving the ^ very highest testimonial to Dr. j A * A Baker's Blood and Liver Cure. I ' used it in 1895 Inflammatory Kheu- j matism. I was severely afflicted ! w t with the disease and tried my family i physician, in addition to various * remedies, without effect. I procured j * some of the above medicine, and be- i ce fr?r? nainnr a KntHe of it T COUid walk at t "to" - i without my crutches, and by the j ai time I had used a bottle and a half, j ri I felt entirely well, and have not j sc suffered any since. I cheerfully re- j ai commend it, and believe it will do j a! all its propietors claim for it. 1 N Respectfully, B E. 0. Mastin, Deputy Collector of Wilkes County, N. C., Feb. 22, 1808. For sale at the Bazzar. i ?' A \ Thousands Have Kidney Trouble j and Don't Know it. Kow To Find Out. Fill a bottle or common glass with your /ater and let it stand twenty-four hours; a ? t sediment or sei?zZXr-'C+i indicates an )vS unhealthy conainjj \^ V t''on ?' *idVfA 1 \ r'Cys; if it stains i y?ur iinen is >S^ w^ri j evidence of kidJQ \11 fp n^y trouble: too ^?W/7 }J> frequent desire to ^ Pass h or Pain in the back is also onvincing proof that the kidneys and blaaer are out of order. What to Bo. There is comfort in the knowledge so ften expressed, that Dr. Kilmer's Swamp- 1 toot, the great kidney remedy fulfills every I dsh in curing rheumatism, pain in the J ack, kidneys, liver, bladder and every part I f the urinarv Dassa^e. It corrects inabilitv I 5 hold water and scalding pain in passing , or bad effects following use of liquor, -ineor beer, and overcomes that unpleasant ecessity of being compelled to go often uring the day, and to get up many times uring the night. The mild and the extrardinary effect of Swamp?Root is soon jalized. It stands the highest for its v/onerful cures of the most distressing cases. ' you need a medicine you should have the est. Sold by druggists in 50c. and$l. sizes. You may have a sample bottle of this onderful discovery nd a book that tells lore about it. both sent Dsolutelv free by mail, idress Dr. Kilmer & Home of Swamp-Root. o., Binghamton, N. Y. When writing menon reading this generous offer in this paper. Tbe Hatfields are still killing reveae officers in the mountains of P.ke )unty, Ky., and getting killed. The st engagement resulted in two de*d i each side. The result of the flood in Tennis? ee as more disastrous than at riot lought. Twenty-five persons lost leir lives and the property loss is laced at $5,000,009. ' Does your husband worry about le grocery bills?" asked the npg ?ed oking lady. "Law, no," said the dy with the new silk pkirt and t) e t 1 ^U/\Ar? ?i W a 1 f K iteuL lemuei suurs- mo io? iur roeer do all that.'' la India 90,000 bead of cittle are lied every year by wild blasts and ?nomous serpents, and in Fiolaud olves kill 5500 a year. In Australia ild dcgs kill S00G sbeep annually, 3d the loss among the fLcks and erds of the "West from wolves is ,rge. Old Soldier's Experience. M. M. Austin, a civil war veterar, Winchester, Ind . writes: "My wifp as sick a long time in spite of good actor's treatment, but was wholly ired by Dr. King's New Life PilK hieh worked wonders for her health." i hey always do. Try thera. Oily 5c at J. E. Kaufmann's d ug slo'e. Inhabited by Pygmies. Excavations in Southern Germany 1 ive apparently established the f-?ct at in prehistoric times Europe was , habited by pygmies. Remains of a idget race have also been fouud in svitzerland and the Pyrenees. The idetons which have been found are ? small that they can be placed in an dinary museum drawer. None of tem is longer than fifty-five ioches, j id many are smaller. I -? ? ?. Efficient Reformer. He who sincerely lives out his best eas if often, though silent, a more licient reformer, through the force ' example, than the most zealous ator. A life true aud faithful, j rong and sweet, pure and honorable, ill always win simpatby for the eas around which it has clustered: hile the very same ideas, held by ! le whose life contradicts them, will j 11 powerless to the ground though j ;ged with zeal and elcquenee. bSk Your Dealer for Allen's j Foot-Sase, A nnwder for the feet. I* cures ! wollen. Sore, Hot, Callous, AchiDg, j weatiug Feet, Corns and Bunions. | t all Druggists and shoe stores, c. i O D 1 . sk to day. Trie to ETame. t Planter's Cuban Oil, a j 1 . wonderful liniment for the j Xervcs and Bones. This i debrated oil cannot be exolled as | l , 1 internal remedy where a quick j _ . . i nd penetrating cure is needed for leumatism. neuralgia, burn?, cuts, >re throat, stiff neck or pair s in j ij part of the body or limbs. We j so have Plantei'o Cuban Pelief and j ubian Tea for sale. Call at the j azaar and get a bottle. I Many a man frames his excuses in .lilt. 3IA JOB CEO FOOT. C. P. THE OLD SKINFLINT MEETS HIS HATTER THROUGH A BLUNDER. An I su:tl. Jotlien Usui ::n?J OranJ?iron the KL'ctric Company For ILs IJcneut?The? Victim In Xow Liioliin? I'or the Major's Scalp. [Copyright. 1902. by C. B. Tewis.] IT was a blunder that Major Crofoot got !i:to the liar store. He was looking; f<?r the cigar store next door ami made a mistake. Tie had been owing: the halter $L\.T> for a ;>ear ami had ht him severely alone in consequence, and To hrace right into "SHAKE HANDS WITH ME." liis store and come face to face with liim was an unpleasant situation. The major was equal to it. however. He just gasped once and then extended his hand and genially exclaimed: "But I am glad to see you?:glad indeed. Beautiful weather, isn't it?most beautiful. By (ieorge, but you are looking well!" "I am well, sir." stiffly responded the hatter. "Well and full of business, and I congratulate you. I must complain a little of your bookkeeper, however. I like to pay my bills once a month, and I've often wondered that he didn't send me in a statement of account. Don't I owe you for a hat or something?" "You do, sir. You have owed me $2..">0 for a year or more, and you have been billed right along every month. In addition to that I've sent a boy to ycur office live or six limes."' "Dear me. but what a misunderstanding!" sighed the grand promoter lis something like sincere anxiety shone in his eyes. "IIow could the carrier have disposed of those letters, and at what office could your boy have called? Well. well, but it's lucky I came in. 1 must speak to my secretary about this matter. I'm not paying him $100 a week to throw bills rendered into the wastebasket. You must have thought I didn't want to pay?" "Yes. I thought you a deadbeat." was the honest reply. "Dear me. but see how you have wronged me! Yes. it must have looked that way to you even when I was drawing checks for others of from S.V 000 to $liu>00 each. I suppose you have heard of some of my stupendous enterprises?" "No: 1 haven't." "tint v,,n should rend the naners. Dian. Six of iho biggest syndicates and trusts <?ii oarth and more coming. <'omhijiod capital of the six amounts to over .$:.\OOO.tM'KMXk>. Why, I've unset Wall street three.or four times over.*' "I hadn't hoard of it." replied the hatter. becoming somewhat interested, but determined to have that $2.30 before the major left the store. "I see you haven't, or you wouldn't think 1 was dodging a debt of $2.50. Can you cash a certified check for $21.2S0.72:" "Of course not: but you must have a few dollars in oash about you." "Not a dollar, as it happens: but you can run over 10 the bank with me after we have finished our talk. I am glad I found you alone. Can you ?uess why 1 came in here';" "I guess it was b}- accident." smiled the hatter. "My dear boy. but you will have your joke." replie<i the major as he slapped him <m the hark. "I've had you in mind for the last two weeks, but didn't want to say anything until I could tell you delinitely about the whole business. Excuse me. but that hat looks its if it won't! lit me. Ah, but it is a lit ?a perfect lit! As I was saying. I wanted to be able to tell you all about it." "Well, what is it?" "Arc you satisfied with this little store and your little business:" "I have 10 he." "Hut if you had a store covering a whole block-if you controlled the hat trade of America, of Europe?if your name was a household word from New Jersey to Hindustan?" "It will never he," sighed the hatter as he almost forgot the .$".50. "Ha. my dear hoy! Shake hands with me: receive my eougrai ulatious! Today I just finished the articles of incorporation of the Electric Headgear company, and 1 am here to make y>u an offer." "What have you got up?" "The greatest thing on earth, and the idea is all my own. My dear boy. do you know what tin* effect of electricity is on i tic iiunt.ii) nouy: "It's good. i believe." "It's 1 teller iluin .-ill tlie drugs in the world. Tiie ide:t is f ? luivo ;i slow nirreni of it passing through the body :tl! dry long. We <an't carry n I?;?11?*i*y around under our :trm, !?ut we e;m rn:i!:e huts :ind e.ijts iiml charge "em vv 111 j eleelri'iiy. We e:tn have u positive pole in the lint or cup ;ind ;i negative in the eit.ill.iil pocket. the liool. oil the wrist. We can ha\e :t soft, seductive current sterling up stud down and h;;ek again, dissolving oil:- lumbago, rheumatism, ne.uruigie and ^ther affile 'Ill IIMIHHUWrffHIIIWHH 11,11. I IJIILIILHIf HIIWIIJ HUH .III 1111 tions as we walk about?all dona from j the hat and perfectly win-less, and the ; demand for those hats will reach into j ... i 1 t : tens of millions. Hats can be brought i back and recharged for 10 rents opiecp ! i when the current irives rut: won't in- j terfere at all with the styles or mate- ! rial, but yen tack a dollar on to the I j price: costs only cents to charge one. j I and yon have a clear protii of Do cents. j What do ymi think of it?'' j "It may be a great ihiiijr." slowly rc- j plied the hatter. \\'!10 was wouuerui.g if it couldn't bo applied to horse blankets ami carpets as well. "Groat tiling! Why, it's the Inmost j ! money maker outside of (Joleondn. The i profits for iho first six months can't l>o j lijrured at less than S^.ooo.rwio?not a j | cent less. Man. yon may look upon j yonrsoif from this moment as a mil- ! lionaire. Yon ran go out and l>:iy dia- I , nionds. horses, houses?anything' you ' { want." "How?whore do I eome in?" ! "Why. you are to ho solo agent, for j ! the wholesale and retail sale of our j lints. You make 100 per cent profit on I every hat. no mat lor what the price. I America, Europe, the world, must buy | j of you or uo without an electric hat. i A year or two a^o. when I was practii cally penniless, you sold me a hat on i tick. You have never sent a bill. You ; have had perfect confidence in my financial integrity, and lliis is your reward. Shake hands with me while I say you deserve it all." *Kut I don't?I can't catch on." protested the puzzled hatter. '"Where is j the company, your factories, your hats':" "My dear boy. it's such a sudden surprise." laughed ihe major. "I'll jrive , you an hour to think it over, and then I'll drop in a^ain. We shall want ?7.- i 000.000 to start business with, and as I j can't put in hut $4,000,000 I'm yoina to < * ?!+.?t!a I'miiCttui IfiUnt/'o \nv i .-M * <1 V, ?nv. ^ . j of 'oni will jump at the ?*hance. We build and equip 1(H) factories. Wo make i the lia's and sol! "em t'> you al luo per : cent prosit. You soli 'em al wholesale j and retail and make the same figure, j First year's sales can't he less than 5b,! 000.00b. and there you are. All comes ; from having faith in my financial integrity. and you think it over and he | prepared to sign contracts when I come back." ! For ten minutes after the major Jeft ; the hatter was in a brown study. He j was just about to smile enthusiastically when he caught sight of the grand i promoter's oid bat and at the same in slant recalled the debt of J>2.50. It flashed upon him that ho had been j done out of two hats, and he raised his i ! . ,,ii* 1 \oieo aim riuini vmu. j "The slock oi.i bilk! Y\*hy. I'll find him and drive him into the ground for 1 this!" M. QUAD. In I.nek. Some Ciiaujs'c. i ; Critic ?You ji | J have written a /Jji j K?o(l many ^t | aj books. I kllO'.V, /' ( / Srxi 'M I ? M i 1,1,1 Itave yon i j produced any- | j Cling that will j w* flmkd . i liv,'.f"':"s,,n- I , \?w ! oration; p i Author (very ' I j ' iiffiilf j Crom t he | (j |U<V I'll 11 j, j \ ; w i nd o w she ! :TT'i'/7?WffciI j l/e/il saw him <*om- I tfWffl th'l " 111.? comes:" j ffcg Mm exclaimed i joyfully. There was a j 1 *^7 bit of ice on the top step. May?If yon contin- 1 lie struck it. j 1 ue to play poker with Then he struck j i my father much ion- j each- of the j i ger. I won't marry j other steps in j you. J sueeessiou. i .laek?If your lather "Ilea vensl" ! continues to j>lay p?- she cried. **lit? | j ker with nut mueh j lias foozled his ; longer, i won't need approach j to. | < 'hieu jjo I *ost. ; Lnrli. Clime Hi* v. "Yes. I plav ihe races occasionally." i said lie- man with tin* fur irinimed ! j ovcrcoai. "ami of eourso I hit it occa* ' , siotially. For instance. I came out way j ahead in Xe\v Orleans the other week, i : I had a hundred dollars up on a ten to j i one shot." "And he came in a head V" was asked, j "Oh. no: lm was anion:; the last." i "Then I don't see how you made a j :;or>d thiuic." i "Hasy as i;rease. There were no less ; than seven friends of mine there who'd j ; have wanted to borrow the thousand j dollars if 1 h id won it. and so I tijrur?.' j that 1 was S'HM) ahead by losing.'" H<t Tribalationi. "('liarlit', dear." said youny Mrs. Tor* i kins, "is there anytiiitiy on your mind'.''' j "Not a thinii'," lie answered nay]v. | i : j "What did you think was on my mind?" ! "No?i:i:iy. I knew it would oe that I way. It was oniy lifteon minutes ay? j 1 that I told you to do a lot of errands ; <low:i town, and you saiil you wouldn't i let them yet off your mind for a inin- ; j lite, ami now you've broken your word ! ayain!"? Washington .Star. (t?i?d Job i/ th*? I'ar I* lliitht. Whyte?What is your idea of a sine- , i cure? H!:ic'v Sunerintrndent of lines for a ; wiivloss t.'{t'ur.jpfi rorupany. ? Sotnor; villo ?Mass.j Journal. I Oar SoriK Itird?. i "I'd you Kn^lish, iua<lam?" in* quinvl ih?' i:??orvi?nv?M*. "Nor* WtlV r"i?ii'v'l flu* operatic celebrity. .suii'inn sweetiv. "Only zia, ; -IIo-.v I AfuonVarn?-k. I t IFURTSCK'SI ^ WE arc ready for the Spring and Summer ^lir s*0t^:('oini^oU' w*tii ^,<? 429 Wi i i mrmnn rminino nn mm fliiid/u; H?l&> gg # M i mi mm or m mms gg ^ur 1K'* sP?t cash system of buying ami selling, coupled with experienced buyers, places us in a posi- $5f5 gjfg tion to overprices that few can meet. fUSl We invite you to inspect our stock when in Colum- irnfc hi a. It won't cost you anything and may save you SJ2 S3 some hard earned American Dollars. S3 ?2 By a special deal we are enabled to otter 69 Our 810.00 Suits for Men are'hnade of the BIvST 69 MATERIAL and by tlie best workmen. For So.00 9 wc can give you a suit lit for anybody to wear. QS SttLS 1 0()0 nieces line Flowered Orirandv. snecial. at dOc. wfti per yard. ?&?! 1,000 dozen King's Spool Cotton at 1 He. per spool. ">,000 pairs Men' Mixed Wool Trousers at 25c. a pair We will be prepared to oiler one of the largest Maiaga Hats for men at 10c. each. We have, contracted &)?% for 25 cases and will be 50 per cent, under the market jjjj 1^? Thousands of good things to show vou. fcl O MI Thanking the readers of the Dispatch for their lib- J i3?3E feral patronage in the past and soliciting a continuance S3 of the same, I am the purchaser's friend, Srf ?? 5 ftfl mmm ma tm a b (Bfl Hf 1038 A NO 1(>40 MAIN ST., g ggC?LVMSIA, S. C. ^ loods of all descriptions are the only kind kept in stock in our new store, and those who wish to purehcase the latest novelties in Fall and Winter DRY 900DS. NOTIONS AND MILLINERY. as cheap as the same class of goods can he purchased elsewhere, should inspect this stock before purchasing. Honest values for your money is our guarantee, so if your want to buy goods that will prove to be just as represented, give us a call and you'll not be disappointed. MAIN STREET, NEARLY OPPOSITE POST OFFICE, COLUMBIA, S. C. October, 9 ?3m. South Carolina Marble Works, 1707 MAI.X ST., COLUMBIA, S. C. IffijMARBLE AND GRANITE ! if balers South. We us#1 the best grade material in marufactnring M'-innau-nts and Headstones and guarantee our work and A^nSll hmi.-Gi to be the best. When you hear a man coniplaini>jit th ir he can buv so much cheaper trom some 13^ little fellow who is anxious to sell anything, you Iffl'aWs. can put it down that he vullget cheap stock, cheap work, and ol conrse a cheap job. ^Ba%r'ai ^ e can cou-Pt''e any dealer in this country, but we cannot work. IRON s WIRE FEW. fiHtt'E LOT COPING, ETC., for sale. Write to ue cr see our MR. 1\ P>. EDWARDS, LEXTXGTOX, S. C. and we will see that you are treated fair. SOUTH CAROLINA MARBLE WORKS. September 11. H -tt