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r ?????? JEW SCORED ON ARISTOCRAT lil-Bred Remark Brought Discomfiture on Duke of Westminster and His Companion. A friend of mine who is In Cairo Just now told me a good story in i recent letter of an old Jew of ^at city who scored off the young duke of Westminster and his inseparable com panion, Lord Ricksavage, when they were there a few weeks ago. They were buying some jewelry in the bazar there, and the duke remarked audibly to his friend: "Th? fool Riipak Enetish of I course." But the fool understood well enough. "Do you spik Italian?" he asked them, to which they replied in the neg ative. "Do you spik Grlk?" "No." "Do. you spik Turk?" "No." "Do you spik Russian?" "No." "Me one time fool," said the old man after a short but eloquent pause; "you five time fool!" And the duke and his friend retired discomfited.? Exehanee. "t Cholly?What's the time, old chap? I've an invitation to dinner at seven, and mv watch isn't eoine. Gussie?Why, wasn't your Invited, too, deah boy? TO DBXTO OUT MAUL AMD BUILD __ , Take the Old Standard GROTH'S TA8TKLMSS CHILL. TONIC. You know what 70a are taking. The formula la plainly printed on every bottle, (bowing it Is simply (Jutnine and Iron In a tasteless form, and tbe most effectual form. Vot grown people and children, SO cents. Love laughs at locksmiths, but it sometimes cries over spilled milk. PILES CURED IX 6 TO 14 DATS Your druggist will relnnd money if PAZO OINT MKNT nils to care any case of itcblng, Blind, Bleeding or Protruding Piles in 6 u> 14 days. 50c. No, Alonzo, a girl isn't necessarily an angel because she is a high tlyer. Mrs. Whislow's Soothing Syrup for Children teething, softens the jruma, reduces inflamina* Uon, allays pain, cures Wind colic, 25c a bottle. Some people love to tell the truth?. when tbey think It win nurt. ;) Every one Is liable to a bilious attack. Be forearmed with a package of (iariield Tea. Many a man can't afford to dress well because hts wife does. ITCH. ITCH relieved in 30 minutes by Woolford's Sanitary Lotion. At Druggists. A sermon is either based on a text or a pretext. I want every person who is bilious, consti- J j paled or has any atom- I! ach or liver ailment to) send tor a free package j of my Paw-Paw Pill#. I I wuut to prove that; they positively cure In digestion, Sour Stom-j ach, Belching, Wind,! Headache, Nervous ness, Sleeplessness and are an infallible cure for Constipation. Todoi this I am willing to give mlilions of free pack-: ages. I take all the risk. Sold by druggists for 25 cents a vial. For free package address. Prof- Hunyort. 53rd & Jefferson Sts.. Philadelphia, Pi. Mothers, Have You Ever Used Mother's Joy? If not. why not? If you can get a thing that Is better than the other it pays to use it. Try Mother's Joy just one time. Mother's Joy Is a Pneumonia Cure and Never Fails "Mothersdontfal'.toijetabox of MOTHER'S JOY." Manufactured b/ THE 600SE GREASE CO.. GREENSBORO. N. C. FOR OLD AND YOUNG Tutt's Liver Pills act as kindly on the child, the delicate female or Infirm old age, as upon the vigorous man. rail's mis elve tone and strength to the weak stomach, bowels, kldosys and Mrnlrtrr M A AA Wanted, Secondhand Bags and Bnr nfiSlS !aP- Write lor prices. RICHMOND iINQV BAG COMPAQ 1, KicbmunU, Virginia CAN CANCER BE CURED? IT CAN! The record of the Kellara Hospital is without parallel In history, having cured to stay cured permanently, wl bout the use of the knife or .X-Ray over VO per cent, of the many bundredsof sufferers from cancer wliteb It has treated during the past fifteen years. We have been endorsed by tbo senate and Legis lature of Virginia, TVe Guarantee Our Cares. Physicians treated from. KELLAM HOSPITAL Id 17 W. Main Struct, Richmond, Vm? S Z. HERE are many kinds of T fools. Now, will every body please sit still until they are called upon spe ciflcally to rise? V I had been every kind ot '00' wc?Pt one. I had Ai expended my patrimony pretended my matrimony, played poker, lawn-tennis, and bucket shops?parted soon with my money In many ways. But there remained one role of the wearer of cap and bells that I had not played. That was the seeker after burled treasure. To few does the delectable furor come. But of all the would-bo followers In the hoof-prints of King Midas none has found a pursuit so rich in pleasurable promise. But, going back from my theme a while?as lame pens must do?I was a fool of the sentimental sort. I saw May Martha Mangum, and was hers. 8he was eighteen, the color of the white ivory keys of a new piano, beau tiful. and possessed by the exquisite solemnity and pathetic witchery of an unsophisticated angel doomed to live in a small, dull, Texas prairie-town. May Martha's father ?as a man hid den behind whiskers and spectacles. He lived for bugs and butterflies and all Insects that fly or crawl or buzz or get down your back or In the but ter. He was an entomologist, or words to that effect. He spent his life seining the air for flying fish of the June-bug order, and then sticking pins through 'em and calling 'em names. T^here was another besides myself who thought May Martha Mangum one to be desired. That was Good loe Banks, a youDg man Just nome from college. He had all the attain ments to be found In books?Latin, Greek, philosophy and especially the higher branches of mathematics and logic. If it hadn't been for his habit of pouring out this information and learn ing on every one that he addressed I'd have liked' him pretty well. But, even as It was, he and I were, yoju would have thought, great pals. But, in our talks together and In our visits and conversation with May Martha, nelthe^ Goodloe Banks nor I could find out which one of us she preferred. May Martha was a natural born non-committal; and knew in her Hlo knnr tr\ Wonn nannlo cnioaainir Old Man Mangum certainly was absent-minded. After a long time he found out one day?a little butterfly must hare told him?that two young men were trying to throw a net over the head of the young person,.a daugh ter, or some such technical appen dage, who looked after his comforts. I never knew scientists could rise to such occasions. Old Mangum oral ly labeled and classified Goodloe and myself easily among the lowest or ders of the vertebrates; and In Eng lish, too, without going any further In to Latin than the simple references to Orgetorlx, Rex Helvetll?which Is as far as I ever went myself. And he told us that If he ever caught us around his house again he would add us to his collection. Goodloe Banks and I remained away five days, expecting the storm to sub side. When we dared to call at the house, again May Martha Mangum and her father were gone. Gone! The house they had rented was closed. Their little store of goods and chat tels was gone also. And not a word of farewell to eith er of us from May Martha?not a white, fluttering note pinned to the hawthorn-bush; not a chalk mark on the gat$ post nor a postcard In the postofflce to give ua a clue. For two months Goodloe Banks and I?separately?tried every scheme we could think of to track the runaways. We used our friendship and influence with the ticket agent, with livery sta ble men, railroad conductors, and our one lone, lorn constable, but without results. * In talking things over one after noon he said to me: "Suppose you do find her, Ed, where by would you profit? Miss Mangum has a mind. Perhaps it is yet un cultured, but she is destined for high er things than you could give her. I have talked with no one who seemed to appreciate more the enchantment of the ancient poets and writers and the modern cults that have assimilat ed and expanded their philosophy of life. Don't you think you are wasting your time looking for her?" "My Idea." said I, "of a happy home In an eight-room house Id a grove of live oaks by the side of a charco on a Texas prairie. A piano," I went on. "with an automatic player In the sit ting room, three thousand head of cat tle under fence for a starter, a buck board and ponies always hitched at a post for 'the missus'?and May Martha Mangum to spend the profits of the ranch as she pleases, and to abide with me, and put my slippers and pipe away every day in places where they cannot be found of evenings. That," said I. "Is what Is to be?and a fig, a dried, Smyrna, dago-stand fig for your curriculums, cults and philos ophy." "She Is meant for higher things," repeated Goodloe Banks. "Whatever she Is meant for," I an gwered, "just now she fa out of pock et. And I shall find her as soon a3 I can without aid of the colleges." 'The game is blocked," said Good loe, putting down a domino; aud we had the beer. Shortly after that a young farmer whom 1 knew came into town and brought me a folded blue paper. He ' ' ? * - 1 1 X * J1-.J * aid ais graiiaiaiaer uau just uieu. i Modern E Fashion?A device of foreign dreBB makers and tailors to make sane per sons appear ridiculous at great ex pense to themselves. Love?A sentiment which the statesman has for power, the painter for art, the' maid for a man, some men for their wives, and all men for money. Money?A medium of exchange, in the use of which one man gets the concealed a tear; and he went on to say that the old man had jealously guarded this paper for 20 years. He left It to his family as part of his es tate, the rest of which consisted of two mules and a hypotenuse of non arable land. The sheet of paper was of the old blue kind used during the Civil war. It was dated June 14, 1863; and It described the hiding place of ten burro-loads of gold and silver coin valued at $300,000. Old Rundle?grand father of his' grandson, Sam?was given the information by a Spanish priest who was in on the treasure burying, and who died many years before?no, afterward?in old Rundle's house. Old Rundle wrote it down from dictation. "Why didn't your father look this up?" I asked young Rundle. "He went blind before he could do so," he replied. "Why didn't you hunt, for ijt your self?" I asked. "Well," said he. "I've only known about the papter for ten years. First there was the spring plowin' to do, and then choppln' the weeds out of the corn; and then comextakln' fod der; and mighty soon winter was on us. It seemed to run along that way year after year." That sounded perfectly reasonable to me, so I took It up with young Lee Rundle at once. The directions on the paper were simple. The whole burro cavalcade laden with the treasure started from an old Spanish mission in Dolores county. They traveled due south by the compass until they reached the Ala mito river. They forded this, and buried the treasure on the top of a little mountain shaped like a pack saddle standing In a row between two higher ones. A heap of stones marked the place of the burled treas^ ure. All the party except the Span ish priest were killed by Indians a few days later. The secret waa a pionop oly. It looked good to me. Lee Rundle suggested that we rig out a camping' outfit, hire a surveyor to run out the line from the Spanish mission, and then spend the $300,000 seeing the sights in Forth Worth. But without being highly educated, I knew a way to save time and expense. We went to the state rand office, and had a practical, what they call a "working" sketch made of all the surveys of land from the old mission to the Alamito river. On this map 1 drew a line due southward to the river. The length of lines of each sur vey and section of land was accur ately given on the. sketch. By these we found the point on the river and had a "connection" made with it, and an important, well-identified corner of the Los Animos five-league survey?a grant made by King Philip of Spain. By doing this we 'did not nee! to have the line run out by a surveyor. It was a great saving of expense and time. So, Lee Rundle and I fitted out a two-horse wagon team with all the accessories, and drove a hundred and forty-nine miles to Chico, the near est town to the point we wished to reach. There we picked up a depu ty county surveyor. He found the corner of the Los Animos sufvey for us, ran out the five thousand seven hundred and twenty varas west that our sketch called for, laid a stone on the spot, had coffee and bacon, and caught the mail-stage back to Chico. I was pretty sure we would get that $300,000. Lee Rundle's was to be only one-third because I was paying all the expenses. With that $200,000 I knew I could find May Martha Mangum if she was on earth. And with it I could flutter the butterflies In old man Man gum's dove-cot, too. If I could find that treasure! But Lee and I established camp. Across the river were a dozen little mountains densely covered by cedar brakes, but not one shaped like a pack-saddle. That did not deter us. Appearances are deceptive. A pack saddle, like beauty, may exist only in the eye of the beholder. I and the grandson of the treasure examined those cedar-covered hills With the care of a lady hunting for a wicked flea. We explored every side, top, circumference, mean elevation, angle, slope and concavity of every one for two miles up and down the river. We spent four days doing so. mi ? ? UU-UftJ ?r\ fKrt rr*o n onH tho 1 Iieil we UILLUCU up lUO luau UUU tuw dun, and hauled the remains of the cofFee and bacon the 149 miles back to Concho City. . . , As shortly as could be after our empty return Goodloe Banks and I foregathered in the back room of Sny der's saloon to play dominoes and fish for information. I told GoodlOe about my expedition after the buried treas ure. "If I could have found that three hundred thousand dollars," I said to him, "I could have scoured and sifted the face of the earth to find May Mar tha Mangura." "She is meant for higher things," said Goodloe. "I shall find her my self. But, tell me now you went aDout discovering the spot where this un earthed increment was imprudently burled." I told him in the smallest detail. I showed it In the draftsman's sketch with the distances marked plainly upon it. )efinitions worst of It; also, a fuel much affected by cold propositions in search of a hot time. Mortgage?A new style of roof for financially shaky individuals with a penchant for motoring. Proof against an immediate rainy day, but power less against falling due. Obituary?A verbal post mortem mantle that covereth a multitude ot sins. "Away," J said, "away wit/i) sna y&riat/on&f" After glancing over it in a masterly way, he leaned back in his chair and bestowed upon me an explosion of sar donic, superior, collegiate laughter. "Well, you are a fool, Jim," he said, when he could speak.. "Wb# am I a fool?" I asked. "Buried treasure has been found before in many places." "Because," said he, "in calculating the nolnt on the river where your line would strike, you neglected to allow for the variation. The variation there would be nine degrees west Let me have your pencil." Goodloe Banks figured rapidly on the back of an envelope. "The distance, from north to south, of the line run from the Spanish mission," said he, "is exactly 22 miles. It was run b7 a pocket compass, ac cording to your, etory. Allowing for the variation, the point on the Alamito river where you should have searched for your treasure is exactly six miles and nine hundred and forty-five varas farther west than the place you hit upon. Oh, what a fool you are, Jim!" He smiled in his superior way; and then I saw come out In his face the singular, eager, consuming cupidity of the seeker after buried treasure. "Sometimes," he said with the air of the oracle, "these old traditions of hidden money are not without foun dation. Suppose you let me look over that paper describing the location. Perhaps together we might?" The result was that Goodloe Banks and I, rivals in love, became compan ions in adventure. We went to Chlco by stage from Huntersburg, the near est railroad town. In Chlco we hired a team drawing a covered spring wag on and camping paraphernalia. We had the same surveyor run out our distance as revised by Goodloe and his variations, and then dismissed him and sent him on bis homeward road. It was night when we arrived. I fed the horses and made a Are near the bank of the river and cooked supper. Goodloe would have helped; but his education had not fitted him for prac tical things. But, while I worked he cheered me with the expression of great thoughts handed down from the dead ones of old. He quoted some translations from the Greek at much length. The next morning wa3 a bright June one. We were up early and had break fast. Goodloe was charmed. He re cited?Keats, I think it was, and Kelly or Shelley, while I broiled the bacon. Goodloe was looking at old Rundle's document when he ripped out a most uncouegiaie swear-wuru. "Come here," he said, holding the paper up against tl sunlight. "Look at that," he said, laying his finger against it. On the blue paper?a thing I had never roticed before?I saw stand out in white letters the words and fig ures: Malvern, 1898." "What about it?" I asked. "It's the water mark," said Good loe. "The paper was manufactured in 1898. The writing on the paper is da ted 1863. This is a palpable fraud." "Oh, I don't know," said I. "The Rundles are pretty reliable, plain, un educated country people. Maybe the paper manufacturers tried to perpe trate a swindle." And then Goodloe Banks went as wild as his education permitted. He dropped the glasses off his nose and glared at me. "I've often told you you were a I Deep Thinker. The new teacher was somewhat un certain as to the nationality of her latest charges. She was not kept long in doubt, however. "Yoke," she wrote on the board, then asked in her most ' musical tones, as she looked graciously round the class. "Can any little boy or girl tell me the meaning of that word?" A small blond boy raised his hand, i "Ay know," he said hoarsely, "it?it ' ! ess when you say somet'ing funny."? j Woman's Home Companion. /our ysaier' marJca fool," he said. "You have let yourself be Imposed upon by a clodhopper. And you have imposed upon me." I rose and pointed a large pewter spoon at him, fresh from the diah wa ter. "Goodloe Banks," I said, "I care not one parboiled navy bean for your edu cation. I always barely tolerated it in any one, and I despised it in you. What has your teaming done for you? It is a curse to vtAirself and a bore to your friends. Away," I said, "away with your water marks and varia tions! ' They are nothing to me. They shall not deflect, me from my quest." I pointed with my spoon across the river to a small mountain shaped like a pack saddle. "I am going to search that moun tain," I ;went on, "for the treasure. Decide now whether you are In It or not. If you wish to let a water mark or a variation shake your soul, you are no true adventurer. Decide." A white cloud of dust began to rise far down the river road. It was the mall wagon from Hesperus to Chlco. Goodloe flagged It. "I am done with the swindle," said he qourly. "No one but a fool would pay any attention to that paper now. Well, you always were a fool, Jim. I leave you to your fate." He gathered hi? personal traps, climbed Into the mail-wagon, adjust ed his glasses nervously, and flew away In a cloud of dust1. I Investigated the hill shaped like a pack saddle from base to summit. I found an absolute absenci of signs re lating to burled treasure. There was no pile of stones, no ancient blazes on the trees, none or the evidences of the three hundred thousand dollars, as set forth In th* document of old man Rundle. I came down the hill In the cool of the afternoon. Suddenly, out of the cedar-brake I stepped into a beautiful green valley, where a tributary small stream ran into the Alamlto river. And there I was startled to see what I took to be a wild man, with unkempt beard and ragged hair, pursuing a giant butterfly with brilliant wings. "Perhaps he is an escaped m?d mau," I thought; and wondered how he had strayed so far from seats of education and learning. And then I took a few more steps and saw a vine-covered cottage near the small stream. And, in a little grassy glade, I saw May Martha Man nlnnlrlniy tvIM flnwPffi 6"?" FAl,v-"4"0 -*.v? *-w.. She straightened up and looked at | me. For the first time since I knew her I saw her face?which was the color of the white keys of a new pi ano?turn pink. I walked toward her without a word. She let the gathered flowers trickle slowly from her hand to the grass. "I knew you would come, Jim," she said clearly. "Father wouldn't let m? write, but I know you would come." What followed you may guess? there was my wagon and team just across the river. I've often wondered what good too much education Is to a man if he can't use it for himself. If all the benefits of it are to go to others where does It come In? For, May Martha Mangum abides with me. There is an eight-room j house in a live oak grove, and a piano with an automatic player, and a good start toward the three thousand head of cattle is under fence. Historic Titles Scarce. When electing their designations, ; new peers have to remember that, j once a title has been held by a mem- i ber of the royal family It will never j subsequently be bestowed upon a sub- j Ject not of royal blood. This rule | bars the adoption for titles ttie name of every Knglish county. No wonder new peers are beginning to fall bacK on names of rivers and streets and that Lord Selby struck out In a new it:e by choosing his wile's surname London Chronicle. VJV?pn cVimxm TWQitivf* nnH ed many cas< conclude tha benefit her if suffering with 1 Here are five letters from : the efficiency of Lydia E. Pin Elliston, Va.?"I feel it my duty t great medicine. I wai & Batterer fit fined in bed over one third of my tia housework and had fainting1 spells & alone for five minutes at a time. " Now I owe my health to Lydia E. Blood Purifier. Whenever I see a suf these medicines have done for me an them."?Mrs. Eobebt Blajtkknship, - ? . " " <' 'ii New Orleans. La.?"I was passing fore I took Lydia E. 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"I will be glad if my testimony from female weakness."?Mrs. W.J. B mews, va. Why don't you try t Tor Every Little Family Ailment" "Vaseline" is the purest, simplest, safe known. Physicians everywhere reco softening and healing qualities. Nothing so good as "Vasehne" for all affe cratches, sores, etc. Taken Internally, relieve For sale everywhere In attractive glass bott Acc*tt no rubstitui* for "Vault* Our fTM "Vassllns" Booklet tolls too many "ViHUM"Di*]r be uaetal toyou. Writs for y< Chesebrough Manufacturinj 17 Stats Streat (Consolidated) HAD THE HABFT. JHe (nervousiyj?wnai wm your la ther say when I tell ham we're en gaged?* She?He'll be delighted, dear. He always Is. Its Nature. "Does anybody ever win at a tea fight?" "Of courue not. It Is a drawn bat tle." A long life and a merry one may be ex pected by those wbo use Garfield Tea, the natural herb regulator. For sale at all drug I itores. A Diplomat. "Don't ask a girl for a kiss un less?" "Unless you want one?" 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It mak and cool in judgment. G^t what you Special Offet This paper is printed from in the SOUTHERN OIL & INK CO. per pound, F. O. B. Savanna L r ' v iie<c reliable proof that a certain is of female ills* wouldn't any t the same remedy would also the same trouble? southern women which prove kham's Vegetable Compound. m VIBGINIA. o express my thanks to you sod you* 3m female troubles and had been oon e for ten months. I eonld not do my a that my husband coold not leave me Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and feting1 woman 1 want to tell her what d I will always speak a good word for Ellis ton, Montgomery Co., Va. tt LOUISIANA through the Change of Life and ba table Compoond I was troubled with backache and irregularities. I would at and not fit to do anything. impound and Blood Purifier I feel all leir weight in gold." ? Mrs. Gabtox rleans, La. m FLORIDA. I wrote to you giving you my symp wn, and discomfort in walking, caused ikham's Vegetable Compound and a - - all I used to make me a well woman. > like a good many women, and ha4 ~ e been a great sufferer. Bat I started . got welL It did not cost very much . '' to all women and I would rather use / -Mrs. Mattde Hodsot, Box 406, Wau PTEST VIRGINIA. bo say that Lydia ?. Pinkham's Veg?* r my mother, daughter and myself. t it and my daughter says that when mpo, she tells her to take your Com r, 713 N. 3rd St., Martinsbnrg^7. Va. I FROM VIRGINIA. irs ago I was troubled with soch pains Id have to go to bed. . Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and Srengthened me in every way and my ~ will help some one who is suffering LAYT07,1029 Hampton Ave^ Newport 'i / % ' fil? reliable remedv? TANG 9t home remedy mmend it (or its cttona of tlM akio, a colds and coughs, las. *?n in wtotafc kit copy today. ? Company Now York LINIMENT For Cows' Caked Udder. Mrs. Julia Letter, Colombo*. 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