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ID1SEXCHANTMENTS. ' Here is the brook where the bold pirates ferried. Swashbuckling wretches, cold-blooded, unkind; Here is the tree where vast treasure was buried, ; Doubloons we dug for but never could How things h<re changcd since these r waters wen ri\eu, ? Splashed with our paddle and. churned into foam! Since the dark lights when the pickaxe was driven When the lost treasure lay under the loam! t Here is the wod with its fastness unbounded, Whence the rd savage stole noiselessly out, "Warning us not till lii3 warwhoop was sounded, Leaving us scaped on the greensward about. How things havechanged from the steed and the stinp, Flintlock and ?mahawk whittled from | Where our bloodran there's no fluid but svrup, From the sap mples along our war path! Here is the plaixwhere our scouts reconnoitred, . Drawling and eeping through morass and glade, Sighting some bodthirstv savages who K." loitered W Near by the sae of some scalp-lifting / raid. How things havcchanged since the red deer went Icing. e>: tU.l.' " i i i i_ I'v oince uuuic cuiuisuii uy uuiiuicus tu browse. Silent the plain here our brave scouts went creepi', * : Save for the long of far distant cows. I f Here is the cave lere our clans were as( sembled, Guarded by scries, nor traitor could reach; * Ghostly and tomlilce, where heroes dissembled Blood-chilling fes in their boldness of speech. Bruce had a reJe here, Wallace lay ! wounded, Hallowed its cluny walls, safe its Tetreat, 1 Orca 'twa*a labyrh. gloomy, unsounded. 'Tis but a graveit, just off the street. How things have chged in the years since .. we knew tht Tirate and redn and treasure and j clan: Men walk beside Vn and past them and | through then Giving no heed t our blood there once ran. Making no sign the struggles that swept them. Flintlock and scalpk, raid, warfare and strife, \ Bow things have .nged since we cherished and kejhem! All of the romanis gone out of life! ? ?J. W. Foley, in-New York Times. | The Beair's Baby | a By FREDUCK H4LL. ? k.. ? a toggT story. a Grandpa bad s there nearly always was one, a more than once Toggles had loot for him, but he L novpp fniitiri hiiriiHI thp rt.iv liftlo ^ cousin MargareVisited the farm. Then they met hin a strange'way. L,- , Margaret, yotaust know, was afraid to play anjere near the beehives. Toggles I her that good bees, like grandp never stung unless somebody tered them, but ? she was afraid, ; the same, and so they went a-v down into the t orchard where all r the fence grow the nasturtiums. Toggles remem?d tha; girls usually like to playuse, and he had gone to get some ies to make one, the old-fashioned *, when he heard Margaret scream,3, dropping his stones, ran back t&r as fast as he rl -could. He found' with her face close against the c of one of the old apple trees arer eyes tightly covered with botfcmlK insf- nc if I she were "standi for hide-and3eek; but so far ascould see there was nothing at alUrighten her. "What made yoy?" he asked. Margaret cautioi uncovered one eye, then the otheid then looked around. "It was a beakcihe said. "What's a beakeisked Toggles, not knowing that;aker" was a word Margaret' hade made up, all by herself, for Mret could do that. | "I think." she aa-eti, "I think it's a bird." i "A big bird?froie barn?" Toggles remembethat when he first came to the u geese and i turkeys had frightt even him. I "No, it was littlet it was very , cross, and I don't things to be ! i cross at me." Toggles could of Co understand . . that, but he had no of idea what the ' beaker" might and he just opened his mouth ask another question when Man screamed,' | - mere ne comes ag; Toggles swung arcto look, and j there, poised in the not six teet J away, the sharp libill pointed straight at his face, a tiny hummingbird, looking so angry and spiteful that Toggle^hed aloud; and then it flew awayailv, though at the time Toggles iot think of it, a laugh of the rsort is one of the best ways in tlrld to drive I off angry, spiteful thi At dinner time thh] grandpa ! about it. "And I thought nerwhat m?rif? HI him so angry," saidgies, "was gg that he had a nestle, and o? f| course he didn't kiabout this II whole farm being a CiRefuge for ? the birds, and so he ifraid that we might hurt his b;" || "Maybe," said gia, "but ^ hardly think so. To the truth, HI brave as the 'beakei he has a H| really dreadful temped gets all fig out of patience at velle things H He make a very prettj? nest, but |Sj| it is hard to find. Alijfe I have |lz never seen but one of." After that Toggles of course more anxious than e^ find the " beaker's" ne3t, and an hour did he spend iookih- it with mamma's field glass, he never could trace the "beakeit. When he finally did find it, i quite by accident, and not whewas lookin? fnr it of oil 3k IU& L.\J I 4V Ctb W.4I. He had climbed u? the hay mow of the horse barnwas looking out the door at \the man put in the hay, wherthe wind stirred the leaves of jreat elm i tree, he caught a gliirf a little, ? gray-green something,|y larger ' than a walnut, stickingje a knob on one of the branehGe looked again but the leaves w<jthe way: I; k _ : , I _ then once more, as the wind blew, and there it was still. He nevei thought, even then, of its being a nest, but he wondered about it until finally he went for the field glasses Then he knew; and his heart beat high with excitement when, in the bottom of the nest, which was so small it made him think of a lichencovered, down-lined thimble, he saw two wee eggs, hardly larger than white beans. When he looked next day there was only one. What became of the other they never learned, but it made them anxious about the one that was left, and that very afternoon Toggles put some wire netting around the tree (grandpa had showed him how) so that Penelope could not climb it. Not of course that he suspected Penelope of having taken the egg, but there were several dreadful thing that Penelope had done; she was, in fact, the one incorrigible lawbreaker of the City of Refuge, and Toggles did not want to take any chances of another accident. The whole family, even grandma, climbed to the hay mow to look at that tiny nest, and Toggles went there every day, and sometimes oftener. For the first three days there was no change, but on the fourth he rushed into the house, shouting: "It's broken the shell, it's broken the shell. The beaker's got a baby." And that day they all climbed to the hay mow to look at the wee, featherless mite that lay squirming in the bottom of the nest. It was almost three weeks before the baby was old enough to fly away, but at last he did, and that saihe afternoon, while Toggles was in the oInncr namo tho father er" and flew right at him, just as on that first day. , "And I didn't mind it, then," said Toggles, when he told grandpa ahout it, "because then he didn't know me; but this time?why, I'd known him, and been friends to him, and I'd? I'd helped him bring up his baby." "That's true," answered grandpa, "but I suppose he didn't understand. That's one of the things we have to learn as we get older, to be kind, just the same, to people who never say 'Thank you,' and who seem not even to know that we've been kind." ' "And I suppose," added Toggles, "thkt you just have to be happy about it, because you know that'anyway it was the right thing to do." "That's the way of it," said grandpa.?Sunday-School Times. \ SOME NOVEL COMPETITIONS. Hunting Gold Nugget in Sand at Sidney?Prawning Contests. Notwithstanding .their natural charms and attractions seaside and other holiday resorts would not afford the enjoyment they do if it were not for the extremely interesting, ingenious and popular competitions which are occasionally arranged. A novel prawning competition took place the other day at Birling Gap, near Beachy Head. It was believed to be the first ever arranged, and ,it afforded three and a half hours' enjoyment for the contestants. The first honors went to a team hailing from Eastbourne with an average catch to a man of ninelounces. ine prize lor me nigiiest muiviuuai catch was awarded J. Bernard, who out-distanced fall competitors with seventeen ounces. The competition was voted a great success and will doubtless be repeated. Last season at Sydney, N. S. W., an exceedingly popular competition was organized by the proprietors of a "Wonderful City." A gold ni/gget valued at $100 was buried in the sand and at a given signal literally thousands of men, women and children were admitted to the treasure grounds. They at once started digging frantically with spades and shovels with which they had come provided. As they dug and dug the excitement became intense, and as might be supposed the onlookers numbered thousands. But, alas! nobody had the good fortune to unearth the nugget, so its value was presented to charities. Last August sack and other races were held on the sands at Filey, a select Yorkshire watering place. Among the competitors were the sons of some of the ruling chiefs of native States of India. In a sack race for boys un? der the age of twelve years the competitors included the heir to the Sultanate of Johore, Prince Abu Bavkir and Prince Ahmed. The latter was successful in carrying off the second prize.?London Tit-Bits. "Faither." "Wully," said Mrs. MacHigh to hei little son as they emerged from the station at Saltham-by-the-Sea, "noa that we are at the coast, mind and ca' yer faither 'papa' when he comes doon for the week-end. Ye'll no forget, wull ye?" ' Wully," nearing the big sea, feli graciously inclined to promise anything, and told his mother he would ua' forget. On the Saturday morning Mrs. MacHigh was sitting on the sands beside some "swell" seaside acquaintances, watching the children playing Thinking to impress her neighbor.' she called out in her best sociecj voice, "Weelie, you papa is cominj doon the day." "Oh, is he?" answered "Weelie," busily engaged at a sand castle, and quite forgetful of Monday's promise "An' wull my faither be wi' "im?"? Tit-Bits. Big Advertising Receipts. There are, perhaps, 2500 daXj newspapers in the United States, and tne average advertising receipts ar< $60,000 annually. Several metropolitan dailies have advertising receipts in excess cf $2,000,000 annually, while their subscription income is. perhaps, less than twenty-five pei cent, of this sum. Chance For a Bandmaster. Conway, which is in need of a bandmaster, has issued the following advertisement: "He must be a cornet player, and between performances h? will be required to act as range mind* er, inspector of hawkers, boats and carriages, storekeeper and such other duties as the Town Clerk nlay from time to time direct."?Western Mail.' : ?? -rte't ' . I New York City.?The fancy wals that is made with the girdle attache! is so attractive and so becoming a well as so satisfactory to wear that i Is quite easy to explain its gTowinj popularity. This one is closed invisi bly at the back and made in guimpi style, but the sleeves can be made t< match the yoke or of thinner materia In color to match the blouse as liked and the trimming portion can be al most any one of the handsome trim ming materials offered, or be made o plain silk or other material eithei KroMfl/1 Ttrl+V* oAitfa^^o nr ainhrnlH ered. In this instance botU the blousand trimming portions are braldec with soutache, while the chemisettf and the long sleeves are of all-ovei lace and the girdle Is- of. messalin< satin. The color of the blouse anc the girdle is one of the pretty nevt grays, but the lace is ivory white 'such combinations being very lovelj as well as very fashionable. Net tucked, plain and in all fancy designs is much used for the guimpe portions, 1 however, and can be used in matching color if preferred. The waist is made with a lining which is smoothly fitted, and on which Is arranged the draped chemisette a!nd the portions of the blouse, while the long sleeves are joined to Its armholes, the shorter ones being Joined to the. blouse only. The lower edges of the blouse and lining are joined to a fitted girdle over which the draped one is arranged. The quantity of material required for the medium size is one and seveneighth yards twenty-one or twentyfour, one and a quarter yards thirtytwo, seven-eighth yard forty-four with three-eighth yard eighteen Inches wide for the chemisette and long sleeves, five-eighth yard of silk for the girdle, soutache according to design used. 1 Lace Flowers. On many gowns that do not have iny other kind of trimming there is often one large flower made of Irish :rochet with several long pendants. These are sold separately in the shops. They are placed on the front of the bodice or one on each sleeve at the wrist or at the back of the belt. Simple as the trimming is it is quite effective. New Things in Stripes. For two years the combination of self-toned stripes or those of solid, harmonizing colors has been a commonplace design. Now we have a new thing in stripes. Next to one of a solid color is another one of plaid. Each is about two inch^ wide. The material in which it i>- sM out most conspicuously is e;? ' 'ilisse. Black Striped Satin. There is a new material out for directoire gowns which has a colored satin foundation and is striped with black. It is wide enough to cut to advantage, and is very good looking. Jet Jewelry. It is now popular. It is no longer reserved for the old. V ... i-' ? '>' V t Buff Gown. 3 As a rival of white this season a handsome evening gowns there I t pale shade of buff which Is exce I Ingly attractive. It comes In chll cloth, satin and gauzes. 9 3 Stunning Neckwear. 1 A stunning neck rfbbon seen ? cently was of soft dark blue llbe * satin, with a bright grass green v ure. It was tied about a linen col crossed in front and brought dc about six inches, where a splash hnw w?9 rnnflnpd with a rtiit. fill pin. Panels of Buttons. It looks as though the Bhops wo have demand for the millions of t tons they offer this season. The i of trimming is, when in doubt buttons. They are put up the b: of, sleeves in' panels from wrist shoulder In groups of three and f lines. Scarf Fads.,^ Chinese crepe scarfs of vari colors, embroidered with "occasi al" flowers or figures in contrast tones, are In vogue. Originally she in the Oriental shops they are now be found in the high class houses porting French ties. Of Eastern < &UJL tucj ai c uum wmxu5 iv through Paris. Misses' Guimpe. Guimpe dresses are so general young girls! that pretty gulmpes f always needed. This one Is novel i P attractive, yet quite simple and . lows variations of several sorts. , the illustration it is made of la 1 with embroidered net applied to fc > a yoke and front portion and w r mousquetaire sleeves, but the 1 ) could be applied to make a yoke o I If preferred, and either plain or mc r quetaire sleeves can be cut ofT , three-quarter length. All-over li r tucked, fancy and plain nets, Ung< MIm material, chiffon, thin silk and eve thing of the sort Is appropriate : the facing and sleeves; If liked 1 gulmpe can be made of one mater throughout. When, made with t facings the foundation or lining c be cut away beneath to give a trai parent effect. The mousquetal sleeves are the most practical wh arranged over the plain ones, servi as a lining, for this lining can be c from thin transparent material if ( slrable, while It serves as support 1 the fulness, but they can, nevertt less, be made unlined and the gat ers simply stayed if better liked. The gulmpe is made with front a backs. The "facings are applied on ] dicated lines, and the high coll finishes the neck. The plain sleev are made in two portions, but t full or mousquetaire sleeves are c all in one. The quantity of material requir* for the sixteen-year size is two ai three-quarter yards twenty-one, o: and five-eighth yards thlrty-slx Inch i wide with three yards eighteen or oi and a half yards forty-four inch I wide to make as illustrated. \ ' m* "SOLITARY^ 1 Life Led by the Er Facts Regan for Su?Feeble in IV ied- 11 Ion The Chinese Bay of their Emperor: j "TJ o (a o a anlitortr o a a crr\A " > I A JL \> 117 ao OU 11 bU 1 J OO ? } Kwang-Su'has been particularly so.' He was put on the throne by two wore men, and was ruled most of his life srty by them. Up to 1901 he wielded the fig- formidable vermilion pencil; but allar, ways the blue pencil of the Dowager iwn Empress was the more formidable ing weapon. Had the young Emperor ver possessed the requisite will power, he might have -exercised an arbitrarypower to a remarkable degree. As it was, he meant .little to the world at uld large; and the obscurity in which >ut- his character has always been clothed ule was intensified by the mass of cereuse tnonious traditions and rules of court ack etiquette which mafee the Chinese to' Etaperor little more than a-1 caged auour tomatom. A / j In Han/Andersen's story of "The Nighting#e," ^Death captures the crown a?septre of the Emperor and ous sits on h chest, in the- solitary sick ?n" room, while the deserting courtiers . g and attendants, in another part of the palace, are alrefady 'discussing the suc' to cession. There will b? no consider | aDie emouon over .^wang-au s aeam. 5 However, it will not be allowed to us appear so. When Li Hung Chang, China's greatest man of modern days, died a few years ago, the funeral ceremonies were of an elaborateness for which tared belief. . Kwang-Su's will ar? be more so. Hie wedding in 1889 ind cost $5,000,00(h Now that be is dead/ the Pekin Gazette will be full of eulo*n gies; the governor's and generals and wn? lesser officers will flofck in from the ,rm provinces by thousands to do homage, , and there will be ceremonies and proace cessions extending over a "period of six months, perhaps. IUS" The last Chinese Emperor died on In January 12, 187&. He left no'direct heir, and the two Empress.es quickly Jrle held a family council and appointed Tsai-Tlen Emperor, with the title of Kwang-Su ("the Illustrious Success, or"). "The Illustrious Successor" was just three yearB old at that time, huu gieatijr icacutcu uciug uiuugui In and pat through1 the ceremonies ? necessary to his/ proclamation'. On the following day, however, he issued a long and high sounding decree in the Pekln Gazette,'of which one paragraph was as follows: ]" "For the observance of the x:te of mourning, we have reverently received a charge, by the testimony of his Majesty, now departed, that in obedience to previous usage the mourning garb be laid aside at the end of sevA and twenty days. To do tnis, our feelings, in-very truth, will not consent. We shall observe, with reverence, in Strict adherence to the rule of ancient times three years of mourning." This was the tone of a great quantlty of decrees that were issued at the time. Two physicians, who had been previously honored because they seemed to be benefitting the Emperor, were degraded and stripped of their buttons and peacock feathers when the Emperor died. The body was placed in a hall of the palace espei cially reserved for the royal dead, the Kwan.Teh Tien, or Behold-Virtue' Hall. Some six months later, it was i interred in a special mausoleum with elaborate ceremonies. I Kwang-Su was born on August 2, i ' 1872, and was a nephew of Hien Fung, the Emperor, whom he sue-1 ceeded. He was, the ninth ruler of the Manchu dynasty of Tsing, which | overthrew the native dynasty of Ming ' in 1644. His father, Prince Chun, a brother of Hien Fung, had made J himself conspicuous In the Tien-tsin massacre as the leader of the antiforeign party. But instead of acquir- j ing some high official post, after his son's elevation, Chun was .compelled J to retire altogether, as it was' impossible, under the Chinese ideas regard- , { n rr novfltifo fnw o ?i nw +a iug pai CULO, IUI a lauuci IU nviun ^ ? to his son. Chun's announcement, ry- which was probably written by the ^or Dowager Empress, was a gem. After :he expatiating on the devoted loyalty ial which inspired him toward his late 116 Majesty, he went on to state that an * * On gazing on the Imperial 1S" features after decease, his vitals were 're rent with the agony of grief and his en strength fled him utterly. He neverng theless strove to bear up for the more !U* effectual discharge of his duty, when *e~ he was suddenly overwhelmed by the or news that their Majesties, by theiibenign mandate, had chosen his son to be successor to the throne. Stupefied by this intelligence, he became i entirely helpless, and when carried to his home he remained trembling ar and agitated as though bereft of rea- ^ 5s son or as one in a dream. The com- . he ^ . plaints under which he has heretou fore labored have been revived in , conseauence. and he is comtielled to ! B(* ! throw himself on the merciful con- t lc* sideration of their Majesties, the Empresses, whom he entreats to grant t him the indulgence which can alone permit him to prolong his days, and { allow him, wasted and useless in Jiis ; rank though he he, to continue in ?x- t istence on the face of the earth. At fourteen, Kwang-Su had reached 0 his majority and nominally assumed _ the government in March, 188/. One c of the Empresses had died, but the ' other kept her hand on the reins. In 189S, when Kwang-Su showed a j> tendency to encourage the reform ^ movement unduly, the Empress prac- j ucauy aeposea nim oy a coup a ecat. i j She has been the "man" of China ever since. She was never really Empress, nor even Imperial consort. having merely been the concubine of Hien Fung. She took the title of , Empress because she was the mother of Hien Fung's heir. An Englishman, who was once present aF an Imperial audience, thus J.1 described the Emperor: "His air is one of exceeding intell!- j gence and gentleness, somewhat; iriguieiieu uiiu uieiaucuuiy luuKing. ] His face is pale, and, though it is dis- j ne ' tinguished by refinement and quiet i ? eg dignity, it has none of the force of ae his martial ancestors, nothing com- C manding or Imperial. * * " He 'a Is essentially Manchu in features, his a face oval shaped, with a very Ions,! P i \ AS A GOD." ? i i ' nperor of China? Jing Kwanglind and Body. , WMMHnBNMMMnMMMWMnEnaMI narrow chin and a. sensitive mouth, with thin, nervous Hps; his nose if well shaped and straight; his eyebrows regular and very arched, whll? the eyes are unusually large and sop rowful in expression. The forehead is well shaped and broad, and th? head is large beyond the average." In no other country than China i? there such a host of traditions and customs governing- the etiquette ol court life. The greatest painp ar? taken to surround the sovereign with special privileges and honors, in sem? blance at least, and; to emphasize tin gulf which exists between him ancK his people. Some of these customs are very curious. One is the setting part of the color yellow as an Im? perial emblem, forbidding its use except by members of the Imperial family. The yellow girdle is worn only by those who are descended from an Emperor. There is one exception, however, to thte exclusively Imperial use of the color?that is, the. Order of th4' Yellow- Jacket, w^ich may be conferred by the Emperor for distinguished feervices. This, with the three eyed peacock feather, is the highest decoration of the empire. Li Hung Chang's deprivation of these insignia as a mark of disfavor brought them into the notice of the world long ago.,'. >The "kotow" is the form of wor; ship which must be rendered to the sovereign,/and an Imperial-edict- is always-received with nine prostrations and th? Ivnrnvn^ nf All subjects who approach the presence must do so grovelling and knocking their foreheads against the ground. This humility "before the Sqn of Heaven," as .the Emperor is called, is even carried so far that one official must "kotow"'to another who has xecently quitted the Imperial presence. The' Emperor is forced to rise far, earlier than the most hard worked laborer ever does, for Chinese etiquette requires that most of t;he state business shall be transacted between the hours of 2, and 6 in the morn-: ing. The dally duties of the monarch are complicated and almost" overwhelming in femount, as may be realized from the single fact that all sentences, even of the jnost insignificant Ait^mfnolo WHO! Ka 4A VA?UUiiU?Sf UAUSV W OUI/UJ IVbOU IV IUO approval of the Emperor on his dragon throne; The question of the succession to the throne, a most important matter, ad.it closely concerns the perpetua-; tion of the present dynasty, has agi- " tated the Imperial family since the autumn of- 1907,.whien it was perceived that the health of the Emperor was seriously undermined.. In January of 1900 the Dowager Empress adopted Pu Chun, son of Prince Tuan, the Boxer chieftain^ heir apparent, but she disinherited him in November of 1901 at the behest of the allied Powers. Since then the matter of an heir apparent has been in abeyance., Both the Dowagpr Empress and the J Emoeror are Manchus and under the ban of Chinese patriots and an increasing anti-Manchu part7 which has 6ought the suppression, of the dynast? and the restoration of a native Chinese Emperor to the throne. It has been freely predicted that the death of the Emperor would be followed by an attempted coup d'etat to this end, but the Imperial edict mentioned in the dispatch from Pekin appears to have forestalled any Immediate action oij this kind.?New York Evening Post. / -i 9 Unique Solar Atlas. / The preparation of a solar atlas by private enterprise is a unique undertaking which is being completed by J. Franklin Adaihs, an English astronomer. The gentleman expects to l/tvnnlof A Tila in n fftwr m uuiupi^by uio tukjxv IU a J.CTT UIVU CJUO. Incidentally It will conclude the iniexing of 23,000,000 stars. Mr. Adams' method has been to divide :he firmanent into 212 squares, which lave been photographed on specially prepared plates fifteen inches square, rhe southern constellations he pho:ographed in Southern Africa, the est have been taken at his obserya;ory near Godalming. The observa:ory is considered one of the best jquipped in private, ownership. The :otal of 23,000,000 stars is explained ;o be an estimate, although compara:iVe accuracy can be obtained by an ngenious microscopical device which las been invented by Mr. Adams for he purpose. Some Sugary Facts. It is estimated that the total proluction of sugar throughout the vorld is' about 2,000,000 tons per mnum. Of- this quantity nine-tenths ire afforded by the sugar cane, 25,)00,000 tons of which are required o produce the above quantity of cane iugar. The average of saccharine IM IXTaof TTI/IIQ eiiflr^v iiautci ILL .two uvst, xuuxa uu^ui :ane is from eighteen to twenty-one >er cent., of which only eight per :ent. is available to commerce. The otal value in the cane, if it could be ixtracted, would be ?bout $200,000,00, but one-half is lost in the process 1 if manufacture.?Philadelphia Rec- 1 ird. . 1 A Philosophical Poem. ' Why knock the knocker? He may mock some folk who human progess block. Why kick at kickers? < ie who kicks may make the knavish 1 sass their tricks. E'en that dull hump the pessimist may ills discern hat others missed.?Merchant's Re- 1 iew. < Product of the Endive. i -The lettuce appears to have been 1 erived from the endive, which is oimd wild in temperate and southern in the Canaries, Algeria, ibyssinia and temperate western t isia. i ^n^lish Towns Without Newspapers. 1 Ther^" are two hundred towns in i Ireat Eritain over 2000 inhabitants ( nd r.o newspapers. Many of them re a good distance from a large town ! ossessing a newspaper. I "t ' ' t The Sheath Gown. Like other fads that don't endure;, Twill have ita little dav. The ladies, though, should first make but# That they are built that way, : ?Judge* i The Next Trouble. "How do yon stand on the questfoai ! of a sane Fourth of July?" "Oh, fudge! Let's got Christmas over with first."?Houston Chronicle^ No Doubt. 1 "I wonder how man happened td begin cooking his food?' ' / .. . J Oh, I suppose,some prehistoric person started It as a fad."-?LoutaJ ville Courier-Journal. ( A Pessimists , "That nian has had disappoint ments in life." J "Quite right. Thirty years ago h? began looking for a lot of calamities that haven't happened, yet.'*?^Washington Herald. In Musical Comedy/. , "The dialogue ought always ta| carry forward the plot of a play.M ! "Is that so? i thought the dialogue was put ^n to give the chorus people a chance to change costymes."?> Washington Herald. The Consultation. "EM.** "TVI^ ?? o ) A'A13C X X41D ID CL iXlVSOV AJJ J D-* terious case. -I can't make anything ont of It." i Second Doctor?"Hasn't the patient any money?"?Puck. j Wasted Efforts. "They go to great lengths with these Salome scenes In New York." "Yes; I often wonder'why. Thaj; couldn't shock Anybody In New York, no matter what they did."?LouLk vine uourier-journai. ^ More Libel. "Pa; why did they call him rard Ben Jonsoa?" i "WB^was Ben Jonson?" "A poet" "Oh, lota of them poets are hal5 baked."?Houston Chronicle. The Bftui*. He?"I wonder If we can get alone all right." i She?"Certainly. We can buy tha auto with the money lather left raei and you will surely make enough toi nav for running It don't yon think?'*. * *"TPuck* ^ Three Thousand Years. "I think from the utensils aboufl him thiB mummy must; hare been an Egyptian plumber." \ \ "It would be Interesting tr bring hfin to life." .' "But too risky. Who's .going tc( pay him lor his time?'?Washington Herald. f . ' On a Street Corner. "My friend,"began the seedy stranger. | "Nothing doing," interrifpted thd ?v solid citizen. "I don't vant a cent." "Then I am indeed your friend. Go \ < ahead with your remarks."?Hous< ton Chronicle. ' \ : Might Take a Chance. "Pa, would you go up in an all* ship if you had a chance?" "Well," replied Mr. Henpeck, af he looked around cautiously to a? sure himself that he would not b< overheard, "I might if I could be a? t v sured that no ladies would he a<K mitted."?Chicago Record-Herald. Puzzled. New YorkerB had been warned t< '-M boll water. \' ; "What for?" they asked, with lan> ' v y guid interest. "To make it safe to drink," replied the sanitary official. "But why drink it?" they queried \ with a keerer curiosity. ? Philadei phia Ledger. " ; :-.m. An Intelligent Statesman. "What will we do when the treei are destroyed?" asked the forestrj ' experts. ^ : "I suppose," answered the serene< ly solemn statesman, after som< tnougnt, "mat in sucn an event wa will be obliged to depend for wood entirely on the lumber, yards.*'?' Washington Star. . ?jj Difference of Opinion. "Just think, the baby only weighl six pounds." "That is beAuse you had the juni buyer weigh it on his scales. Jus! wait uhtil the iceman comes alonf and ask him. You will discover tbeij that the baby .is a monster, weighing ... twenty-five pounds at the very least.' ?Nashville American. Serious Indeed. "Just heard about your being Jitched, old fellow. Awfully sorry, Wife out of the hospital yet?" "Nope." "Pshaw. That's too bad. It must have been a pretty serious affair." "Serious! I should say it was seriaus. I wrecked the radiator and :racked the front axle."?Cleveland Plain Dealer. He Was Sensitive. Blobbs ? "You're pretty much stuck on Miss Gobbs, aren't you, old nan?" Hobbs?"I was, onee. But after \ ivhat she said to me last night I'm lot going to pay any more attention :o her." Blobbs ? "Gee! What did she lay?" HobbB?"No."?Cleveland Leader.