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ONLINE POLL Did you watch the p Q State of the Union speech? Let us Fage 9 know at www.dailygamecock.com. Wednesday, February 9, 2005 Results posted Friday. TffllfeVMECOCK EDITORIAL BOARD EDITOR ASST. VIEWPOINTS EDITOR Michael LaForgia Patrick Augustine NEWS EDITOR SPORT^ EDITOR Jon Turner Jonathan Hillyard VIEWPOINTS EDITOR DESIGN DIRECTOR Wes Wolfe Chas McCarthy The Mix editor copy desk chief Jennifer Freeman Steven Van Haren IN OUR OPINION If you want coverage, send us a news release We are used to angty readers peppering us with insults and attacks on our journalistic integrity; letters tell us we are not worth the paper we are printed on or that we contribute to a new low in journalistic standards. We admit it: We make mistakes, and we correct them readily. The “Gamecock Corrections” section in Viewpoints is a daily exercise in contridon and self-reproach. However, there seems to be grumbling that The Gamecock has agendas against certain on-campus groups. This view is baseless. However, it reflects a misconception that begs dispelling. Many of the complaints we receive revolve around our failure to report on an organization’s event As an editorially or around reporting that makes independent organizations “look bad." Simple neWSpaper, we are solutions exist for these students: nOt Obligated to Let us knOW about your events, report on any group. md don.t mto trollbk We choose to. , ,, . Since our start comprises less than 30 foil-time students, we lack the manpower to report on every newsworthy on-campus event. If your organization is holding an event you think the rest of the university should read about, send us a news release and call to remind us about it well in advance. In addition, assign public relations responsibilities to- a member of your club or organization, and let them write and e-mail releases regularly. Importantly, as an editorially independent newspaper, we are not obligated to report on any group or on-campus event. We choose to. The Gamecock’s staff members have neither the time nor the energy nor the desire to mount a smear campaign against anyone. Further, failure to speak to us about news that could potentially tarnish your group’s reputation is the quickest way to make your organization look guilty. Refusing interviews also effectively denies your opportunity to set the record straight. Finally, we would never print reports casting clubs and organi zations in a negative light if groups’ members never did anything wrong. We have made it, however, our responsibility to report on all newsworthy aspects of the USC campus and its student organi zations - including the good, the bad and the ugly. IT’S YOUR RIGHT Exercise your right to voice your opinion Create message boards at www.dailygamecock.com or send letters to the editor to gamecockopinions@gwm.sc.edu GAMECOCK CORRECTIONS If you see an error in today’s paper, we want to know. E-mail us at gamecockopinions@gwm.sc.edu. ABOUT THE GAMECOCK EDITOR r ~ Michael LaForgia CONTACT INFORMATION design director Offices on third floor of the Russell House. Chas McCarthy The Editor's office hours are Monday and Wednesday from 3 to 5 p.m. copy desk chief Editor: gamecockeditor@gwm.sc.edu Steven Van Haren News: gamecocknews@gwm.sc.edu news editor Viewpoints: gamecockopinions@gwm.sc.edu Jon Turner The Mix: gamecockfeatures@gwm.sc.edu Sports: gamecocksports@gwm.sc.edu *ssT- oEWS EDIT°R Public Affairs: gamecockPR@yahoo.com Kelly Cavanaugh Online: www.dailygamecock.com VIEWPOINTS EDITOR Newsroom: 777-7726; Sports: 777-7182 Wes Wolfe Editor's Office: 777-3914 THE MIX EDITOR STUDENT MEDIA The Gamecock is the Jennifer Freeman editorially independent ASST. THE MIX EDITOR :IRE"0RJ w student newspaper of Carrie Givens Scott L'ndenberg the university of South sports editor faculty adviser Carolina. It is Jonathan Hillyard Erik Collins published Monday, Wednesday and Friday ASST. SPORTS EDITOR CREATIVE DIRECTOR riiirinc ttlP fall anri Stephen Fastenau Susan King durmg the ;and . ou r\n ig spring semesters and SENIOR writer business manager nine times during the Kevin Fellner Carolyn Griffin summer, with the photo editor exception of university Jason Steelman advertising manager holidays and exam sports photo editor Sarah Scarborough periods. Opinions Katie Kirkland classified manager expressed in The pag&oesigners Sherry F. Holmes Gamecock are those of lillian Rark star-i the editors or author jinian k>aris, btaci production manager and not those of the Jordan, Jessica Ann r.,„ r,n.ipr f,a nQI tn<»e 01 Nielsen, Megan Sinclair Garen Cansler , University of South COPT editors CREATIVE SERVICES Carolina. The Board of Jessica Foster, Brindy Burke Lauderdale, Student Publications V McNair, Daniel Chelsea Felder, Laura f nd Communications is B Regenscheit, Jason Gough, Joseph Dannelly the publisher of The Reynolds, Katie Gamecock. The Thompson, Shana Till advertising staff Department of Student B Robert Carli, Breanna Media is the online editor Evans, Ryan Gorman, newspaper’s parent Ryan Simmons Caroline Love, Katie organization. The public affairs Stephens, McKenzie Gamecock is Jane Fielden, Katie Miles Welsh supported in part by student-activity fees. " ' ‘ One free copy per TO PLACE AN AD reader. Additional The Gamecock Advertising: 777-3888 copies may be 1400 Greene St. Classified: 777-1184 purchased for $1 each Columbia, S.C. 29208 Fax: 777-6482 from the Department of __._ Student Media. » * 1 _ m Leaping TtieoRies 'evolution iNTeLLiseirr JinTeliisenTDesisn SAYS LIVING THINGS DESlGN -OF--HT6-900S Pfyff-SKBSi?1 SUCH AS THE BIBLICAL MANKIND SPRANG FROM EARLIER FORMS ACCOUNT OF CREATION ZEUS's MIGHTY SCEPTER AS HE RODE HIS GOLDEN CHARIOT ACROSS THE SUN [popular , ! iKTGRPLaneTaRY EVolUTion [Your THeoRY HeRes inTelliGenT DGSiGH or DGSiGH go crazy, then make a I FUSS AND FORCE SCHOOLS "JOHNNY HUMANOID-SEED" I IN REALITY YOU'RE ONLY A TO TEACH IT' ALIENS PLANTED LIFE I SEA SQUIRT WHO ATE SOME ____ ACROSS THE GALAXY i BAD PLANKTON, AND THIS IS \ 1 ALL JUST A LONG, I ! AWFUL DREAM... I i B B « I I I | ■ i_11 CARTOON COURTESY OF KRT CAMPUS How to crush this guy in 10 days ■ I’ll spend Valentine’s Day at home, thinking about my mom Those of you who follow my columns — yes, both of you — might have con cluded by now that I hate girls. I admit, the thought has crossed my mind. Several times. But while I can understand why you might have that impression, I trust that this column will convince you oth erwise. Take, for example, my mother. She is a girl, and I happen to think she is swell. I just have a bad habit of running into evil girls and publishing articles about them. Valentine’s Day used to be great, back in those wonderful years wedged some where between potty training and pu berty. Yes, elementary school. The entire day was a party. The three R’s were tem porarily replaced by the three C’s — cookies, cake and candy. You could easi ly tell how popular you were based on how many cards you received in that little red bag on your desk. If you ripped the roses up from your neighbor’s garden and gave them to a girl, it was considered cute, not theft. Nowadays, many people look forward to Valentine’s Day about as much as they look forward to dental work and a visit to the proctologist. Singles across campus dread this day, knowing they will just end up feeling alone and wallowing in self-pity. I myself have never had this problem. In other news, I’m a filthy dirty liar. I’m still several years away from my L teacher’s certification, but I’m only about two girls away from a Ph.D. in rejection. I thought I had seen it all until one lovely STOUDENMIRE creature managed to FIRST-YEAR POLITICAL interpret my explicit request STUDENT _ Y „ , \ tor a date to mean something other than “I like you." I don’t know about you, but if a boy took me out to dinner, took me to play putt-putt, shared two movie nights with me and got all googly-eyed when I was around, I’d probably be suspicious that he might like me. Just a hunch. I’m still not quite sure how that one happened. Perhaps I scared her off when I told her she reminded me of my mother. Momma always told me not to use four-letter words around girls, such as s*** and P**. I didn’t know “date” — oops, I mean d*** — was also a dirty word. As a result, I have no d***s scheduled next week. Since I am more likely to accidentally discover the meaning of life than come up with a fulfilling plan for a d***less Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to dedicate the rest of this column to someone who probably won’t ever see it. You could be my d*** to the prom, a best friend’s little sister or perhaps one of the ridiculously pretty girls I pass on the way to class every day. Maybe I haven’t even met you. Either way, you are the girl I’m going to marry, and you are absolutely amazing. You seem to have everything in your life together. You know who you are, where you are, who you want to be and where you want to be. Your life has a purpose. In what some might call a lack of judgment, and what I call a gift from God, you somehow managed to fit me into your plans. In a sense, you make me feel like that same little boy who ignored all the cookies, cake and candy, desperately searching for a card that you might place in the little red bag on his desk. Old enough to want you, too young to understand why, and scared to death of what you would say if he told you. You laugh at my jokes when they’re funny. You laugh at me when they aren’t. You’re willing to share me with the other woman in my life — my mom. You’re the type of girl who makes me want to be a better guy. Simply the thought of being in your company makes me work harder to deserve that right. Sometimes I’ll envy you, often I’ll admire you, but I’ll always adore you. You smell nice. And on top of all that, you are absolutely beautiful. For lack of a better word, I’m just, well, smitten. Can’t wait to meet you. IN YOUR OPINION Suck-up Culbertson misses game point What a coincidence Graham: I happened to be one of the 100 fans that you mentioned were at the game against Arkansas ("Sorensen scores big acting like average Joe," Wednesday). I want to start by saying that I know there’s not too much complex calculus in the curriculum for an English student, but I believe counting was taught in kindergarten — which, oddly enough, was the only time it was cool to wear a Batman shirt. So, here we are 17 years later attending a basketball game. It was just you, me and 98 other people. My perspective of the game seemed somehow dissimilar to yours. First I noticed that a vast majority of our basketball team is black. This must obviously be because all the good white basketball players were discriminated against, right? Maybe it was a ploy to counteract the devilish shenanigans of the dance team. I’m sure it’s not that few black girls try out for the team. All talent aside, could it be they’re not interested or they haven’t trained for years in a studio practicing choreographed dancing? That wouldn’t make any sense at all. Send me the petition of all the black girls that got cut, and good luck with that. In addition, please cite any reasons how the dance team is an embarrassment. I’m assuming you mean embarrassment, such as what your article is to the English department. Your love of all races didn’t seem to stop you from taunting the black players on the other team who made up the majority (it has to be rigged). Your supposed allegiance to our team also didn’t stop you from bashing John Chappell. While Chappell might not be our star player, my money would definitely be on him in a fight between the two of you. Even though you are a caped crusader, his “talentless” self would destroy you before you even got your pencil out of your pocket protector. Back to one other thing I noticed at the game. I looked down right behind the north goal, and I saw an unshaven-looking ruffian gazing at Sorensen as if Cupid himself had just struck him. This person yearned for the president of our university to be his valentine. I also noticed Sorensen looking at him, thinking to himself, “I’ye got to get out of here." I could only hope Sorensen didn’t think that this was what all his students were like. Students that would like to waste space, paper and everyone’s time by writing a completely arrant and pointless article sucking up to him in some skewed, roundabout way. This is the type of student that would dig deep to insert an outrageous and unmerited stir of race relations out of sheer ignorance. Please do not let this happen again. Oh and Graham, let me put this in a way you can understand: Your articizzle was awfizzle. BRANDON KEATLEY Fourth-year mechanical engineering student Submission Policy Letters to the editor should be less than 300 words and include name, phone number, professional title or year and major, if a student. E-mail letters to gamecockopinions@gwm.sc.edu. Letters will be edited. Anonymous letters will not be published. Call the newsroom at 777 7726 for more information. Wanted: Mediocre man seeks pretty girl ■ By settling for less, everyone has a chance to become a superhero The ladies I talk to are absolutely correct — everywhere you look, women are under pressure to conform to unrealistic expectations. This is evidenced non magazine covers, TV, pop culture and even the toys we give our little girls to play with. But has anyone else ever noticed the more subtle pressure placed on men? CURTIS When I was CHOW growing up, I was expected to be FOURTH-YEAR u k, . ECONOMICS He-Man, then a STUDENT ninja, then a cyborg. Now that — well, I’m still not quite grown up — society’s expectations of me have drastically changed, I’m not too sure what I’m supposed to be anymore. I’d imagine it’s something along the lines of super metrosexual — a new generation of confident men that is so masculine that its members are unafraid to shave their legs and wear tutus. I’m not so sure I like this new generation of heroes. Then again, I find my aspirations to be Conan the Barbarian to be slightly untenable. I think the problem is that whether society dictates that I should wear a kilt or a dress, it places unrealistic and unnatural expectations of what a male in my generation should strive to be like. I’ve decided to make a new hero for the upcoming generation — one that won’t screw with our heads so much. He will be a hero all boys and men alike can realistically aspire to be like. I introduce to you: Mediocre guy, a hero for the masses. Mediocre Guy will be endowed with certain special powers that most everyone will be able to attain if they put their minds to it. The power of brisk-walking — If God intended for us to fly, he would have taught us how to properly glue the cardboard to our arms. Besides, in our fast paced modern world, walking briskly is a necessary virtue. Having a brisk-walking role model will furthermore encourage like behavior. We will reduce automobile emissions and facilitate healthier lifestyles. Thanks for your contribution to our great society, Mediocre Guy! The power of throwing stuff — Who needs force fields or superpowers when one can simply hurl things? Not only is it useful, practical and realistic, but also it’s a heck of a lot of fun. Nine out of 10 doctors agree: Throwing stuff helps kids in all walks of their lives (the 10th is Andrew Sorensen). When a bully is too big for them to handle, Mediocre Guy will help them build confidence by teaching them the art of ranged assault. The power of heart — Remember Captain Planet and the Planeteers? There were five rings, each governing a specific power and wielded by an eco-minded teenager. Four of the five rings were stupid cool: the powers of earth, fire, wind and water. Then there was heart, wielded by Ma-Ti, the eighth grader with a pet monkey. I saw the other Planeteers cause earthquakes, fires, tornados and tidal waves. I think I once saw Ma-Ti give a tearful verbal reprimand to a bad guy. While the other powers are admittedly much cooler, heart is the most easily attainable, as I don’t think you actually have to back it up with any display of power. Mediocre Guy might not be able to wreak havoc and devastation on the forces of evil, but man, does he ever have strong feelings about it. Those are just the major powers Mediocre Guy possesses. Others might include the power of funk, and maybe even the power of cheese. The only thing he’s really lacking now is a suitable female counterpart — perhaps another role model worth contemplating for another time: “Naturally Pretty But Not Promiscuous Nnriml f^Irl " INNERS AND SINNERS NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS The Pats win their RIAA Sues a dead California woman for illegally third Super Bowl in four years. downloading music. RHA Two members are elected to help lead the South PAUL SHANLEY Defrocked priest found guilty of Carolina Organization for Residence Education. raping and fondling a Sunday school student in the 1980s. USC ATHLETICS Today is the first day of the Year AUSTRALIAN WOMAN Illegally sells three cases of of the Rooster, according to the Chinese calendar. This non-existent Duff beer to Americans over eBay, should mean only good times ahead, right?