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. • 8 THE GAMECOCK ♦ Wednesday, February 11, 2004 DnlinP Pnii “You shouldn’t perpetuate a .. ! bad system simply because it Did you vote in last week s saves you a few hundred jobs here Democratic presidential pri- or there ” mary? WILL FOLKS WWW daUygamecock.com. GOv mark SANf0RD.s SP0KESMArfg|HE Results published on Fridays. reasons to close two of uses sat&lite campuses In.Our.Opinion Strom spaces not the issue USC has no reason to increase parking at the Strom Thurmond Wellness & Fitness Center. Arguing that there is a lack of parking at the Strom ignores the fact that there are thousands of spaces immediately across Blossom Street between the Colonial Center and the Carolina Coliseum. Spaces are always available for students who must drive to the Strom. But students who live on campus have no reason to drive to the Strom simply to work out. Sure, expending energy at the gym makes you tired, but . , ... adding a 15-mmute walk to the Instead of adding . . . parking around process can only lead t0 better the Strom, USC health-Also’cuttmg out the Should ensure two-minute drive saves gas students aren’t anc* reduces pollution that charged to park in keePs people from going out of lots they have doors in the first place. already paid for. A valid and real frustration that USC students face in terms of parking is being charged to park in lots they have already paid to use. This is the case for commuters who use the lots mentioned above and are asked to pay to park while sporting events or concerts are going on — students already pay to park at the Coliseum and should be exempted from paying $5 during an event. Clearly, students who have already shelled out the money for a parking sticker should not be charged for parking merely to attend class. Few students who park in the lots will abuse the system and use the lot parking for concerts and games, and the overall impact on available parking by student use is low. Instead of adding Strom parking, USC should focus on encouraging alternatives to driving, like cycling or walking, which also promote a healthier student body. The default complaint of USC students has always been parking. While the overall parking situation is bad, students shouldn’t ask USC to add parking to save 5 minutes of walking. . ■ Gamecock.Corrections In Monday’s Viewpoints, Janek Kazmierski should have been identified as a continuing education student. The Gamecock regrets the error. If you see an error in today’s paper, we want to know. E-mail us at gamecockopinions@gwm.sc.edu. AboutThe.Gamecock Editor in Chief Adam Beam Copy Desk Chief Gabrielie Sinclair Design Director Shawn Rourk News Editor Michael LaForgia Asst. News Editor Alexis Stratton Viewpoints Editor Patrick Augustine The Mix Editor Meg Moore Asst. Mix Editor Jennifer Sitowski Sports Editor Wes Wolfe Asst. Sports Editor Jonathan Hillyard Photo Editor Morgan Ford Asst. Photo Editor Johnny Haynes Page Designers Erin Cline, Staci Jordan, Brian Ray, Brad Senkiw, Mary Pinckney Waters Copy Editors Allyson Bird, Jennifer Freeman, Jessica Foster, Steven Van Haren Wire Editor Z’Anne Coveil Online Editor James Tolbert Senior Writer Kevin Fe liner CONTACT INFORMATION Offices on third floor of the Russell House. Editor in Chief: gamecockeditor@gwm.sc.edu News: gamecocknews@gwm.sc.edu Viewpoints: gamecockopinions@gwm.sc.edu The Mix: gamecockfeatures@gwm.sc.edu Sports: gamecocksports@.gwm.sc.edu Public Affairs: gamecockpr@yahoo.com Online: www.dailygamecock.com Newsroom: 777-7726 Editor’s Office: 777-3914 STUDENT MEDIA Director Scott Lindenberg Faculty Adviser Erik Collins Creative Director Susan King Business Manager Carolyn Griffin Advertising Manager Sarah Scarborough Classified Manager Sherry F. Holmes Production Manager Amber Justice Creative Services Whitney Bridges, Robbie Burkett Advertising Staff Latoya Hines, Jesica Johnson, Caroline Love Public Affairs Kimberly Dressier The Gamecock is the editorially independent student newspaper of the University of South Carolina. It is published Monday, Wednesday and Friday during the fall and spring semesters and nine times during the summer, with the exception of university holidays and exam periods. Opinions expressed in The Gamecock are those of the editors or author and not those of the University of South Carolina. The Board of Student Publications and Communications is the publisher of The Gamecock. The Department of Studei Media is the newspaper’s parent organization. The Gamecock is supported in part by student-activity fees. One free copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for $1 each from the Department of Student Media. TO PUCE AN AD The Gamecock Advertising: 777-3888 1400 Greene St. Classified: 777-1184 Columbia. S.C. 29208 Fax: 777-6482 T k <F«figfiF I see wHAts IN The art of misunderstanding As the distinct fragrance of per fume gently descends and satu rates the atmosphere of the cam 's pus, we are once again given indi cation that Valentine’s Day is steadfastly approaching. Even amid homework and midterms, little can be done to impede Cupid’s resolve. Everywhere you look, cou ples can be seen diligently mak ing prepara tions for a bliss ful evening to be forever en CURTIS CHOW graved in the tomes of ro- Third-year tomes ot ro politica[ mantic history, science student To facilitate this idyllic vi sion, I’ve decided to divulge a lit tle-known secret to the ladies out there: When you speak, men don’t necessarily hear what you mean to convey. In fact, most of the time, we hear things completely differently. For your convenience, I’ve compiled a list of common phrases women use followed by what we hear as men, as well as a bit of advice for the gentlemen. ♦ “I want you to be more open about your feelings.” We hear: “I want you to put on a dress and surrender your man card imme diately.” All right,-guys, when women want to talk about feel ings, it involves a certain degree of femininity. Your feelings to ward football and Halo do not count. The best thing to do in this situation is to tighten your belt and pretend to be a girl. ♦ “Honey, why don’t we just pull over and ask for directions?” We hear: “I think you’re an in competent buffoon who couldn’t navigate his way through the bathroom, let alone a simple high way transportation system.” The ladies don’t understand that our failure to pull over isn’t the result of a comprehensive decision cal culus resulting in a projected in convenience outweighing possi ble benefits. The reasons we don’t pull over and ask for directions is simple — and we’re not about to tell them. Drive around for a few more hours until you find where you’re supposed to be, and then reap the praises and glory for your navigational prowess. ♦ “Let’s just be friends” We hear: “I hope you die and come back in your next life as a chicken so that you will be cruelly treated, ground up, deep fried in oil and eaten in the form of a McNugget like the poison that you are.” Yep, that’s pretty much it. ♦ “Does this outfit make my butt look big?” We hear: “Someone has done something to upset me, and if I’m going to feel bad, I’m going to bring you down in the process by asking you the unanswerable question. If you say no, I will talk and badger you for hours until you say yes, at which point I will become a wailing ban shee of evil.” Gentlemen, you’re pretty much screwed if this ques tion arises. I don’t know what to tell you other than “No, you’re just getting pleasantly plump” and “No, it just makes your butt proportionate to the rest of you” are both wrong answers. ♦ “Nothing’s wrong honey, ev erything is fine” We hear: “Nothing’s wrong honey, every thing is fine.” In the name of all that is good, do NOT believe her when she says this. This is an evil female mind game that involves you taking the initiative to be come psychic and figure out what is the matter, because she sure as heck isn’t going to tell you. The best thing to do is to make very general apologies re peatedly, until you’ve convinced yourself that you’ve done some thing very bad and are genuine ly sorry. In.YourOpinion Culbertson plays with fire on safety There’s an old expression that goes something like: “Don’t play with fire, or you’ll get burned.” Well, Graham Culbertson, light your contra band candle, because you’re about to get burned. In response to your column (“Foreman grill threatens USC”) I would like to point out the section tat claims, “if it (the threat of George Foreman grills) is not stopped,” maybe not the whole campus, but per haps an entire dorm could, in fact, “perish.” According to the Columbia Fire Department, cooking led to 34 percent of all residential fires in the year 2000. Well, it does not take a fireman to tell you that fires are tricky. If one match could light an entire forest, why could a fire from a George Foreman not light a single floor of a dorm or even the whole dorm itself? I am glad you think every one is perfect, and accidents never happen, but be real. If everyone were allowed to have George Foremans, waffle irons, electric griddles, toast ers, toaster ovens, candles, space heaters, and extension cords, what do you think will happen to the accidental fire rate? Naturally, the more fire haz ards, the more accidental fires. How many times have you left popcorn in the microwave too long (allowing people down the hall to smell its lovely aroma)? I know I have a couple of times. Imagine leaving your toast in the toaster or waffle in the waf fle iron for too long? What if you should walk away and forget about it? Well, now not only have you charred everything you own but also your roommates. With all the absurd lawsuits going around, I would not find it hard to believe that some lawyer somewhere could turn the blame on USC for not having any fire codes fnh wait rnnIH that nnssihlv hp why USC does have fire codes?). As for your comments relat ed to WMDs and Saddam Hussein (wherever those came from), I am pretty sure that one extension cord could not de stroy the whole world, much less a country (unless, perhaps, yes, if all the extension cords on earth were put together, and they shorted out). I do not know about you, but I am not too worried about the whole country set ablaze, but I do worry about losing my per sonal belongings to a fire (which all of the WMDs you state could accomplish that). So the next time you step into your room, take a look at your stuff. Do you like how it looks? Would you like to see it all burnt to a crisp? Well, maybe you should thank us “drunk en” RAs, RHDs, CAs, and do not forget us SOBs (sorry to the RLCs out there who did not get mentioned) while we are on our boat to Iraq. Oh by the way, who actually has a candle sitting on top of a toaster? MIKE MEYERS II- I rj/\» I ” l Wiiuiiwu ■ I I Stagg’s column inappropriate, vulgar As a former news and view points editor of “The Gamecock,” I am disgusted and embarrassed for the USC student newspaper because of the column (“Follow Janet Jackson’s Lead”) by David Stagg. That was totally disgusting and inappropriate to publish in any newspaper, much less one for college students, It sounded like something some sick, dorky adolescent would conjure up to make himself look “cool.” To me, that falls under the FCC guidelines of “obscene.” JULIETTE NADER SMITH COLUMBIA Submission Policy Letters to the editor should be less than 300 words and include name, phone number, professional title or year and major, if a student. E-mail letters to gamecockopinions@gwm.sc.edu. Letters will be edited for space, possible libel and style. Anonymous letters will not be published. Call the newsroom at 777 7726 for more information. Unifying to get an idiot out of office Last night, Sen. John Kerry won the primaries in Tennessee and Virginia, all but assuring him self the nomination. Now, Democrats need to unite and use this exciting primary season to keep the energy going and beat President Bush in November. There is absolutely no reason why Kerry shouldn’t go through the general election campaign sea son and thoroughly trounce Bush, sending the message to Bush the lesser that, just like his father, you can only screw over the American peo ple so many times until they simply won’t ac WES WOLFE ceptita^ymore , Poll after poll shows that the relations public doesn’t student trust Bush to deal with the economy or successfully handle therebuilding of Iraq, or anything else, and for good reason. First and foremost, Bush will be the first president since Herbert Hoover, another Republican, to preside over a net loss of jobs in his four years. Ironically, Hoover had a net loss of jobs because of dealing with the start of the Great Depression. South Carolina, a solidly Republican state, has been kicked around by the Bush econ omy as well, losing the most jobs in Bush’s first three years since the days of the Depression. Even u Bush is right about his new jobs plan (and he’s never been right before), the 2.3 million jobs he says will be created by the end of the year still will not make up for the three million jobs lost thus far in his term. Of course, we should’ve known he’d act like the equivalent of the village idiot who was crowned king. He’s been a complete failure for the entirety of his life, succeed ing only because of family connec tions. He only got into Yale because of his last name; his sub-par grades, boozing and coke snorting prove this point. I have no problem with boozing, but I do have an issue with being able to screw around in college just because of your daddy and grand pappy’s influence. His oil business was an unmitigated disaster in which his father’s friends had to bail him out, and he couldn’t do anything with the Texas Rangers when he owned the team. This fool was elected governor of Texas by riding his name, and now he is our president for that reason—and five Supreme Court votes. So what does the man do? Sends our troops to die in Iraq un der false pretences, gives large tax cuts to the uber-wealthy and large corporations, all the while making life harder for the rest of us. Bush wants tax cuts for neonle like Enron’s Ken Lay, but he’s or dering the IRS to crack down on the under-reporting of waiters’ tips. Tips. From waiters. But he thinks that it’s OK to give millions to wealthy people who already have legally-protected tax shelters and, get this, already have quite a large amount of money. Plus, he’s no friend of middle class students, since he also thinks its OK to allow a bureaucratic re formulation of the federal finan cial aid formula, which will result in lower Pell grants and total fi nancial aid awards for thousands of academically students in need. It’ll be good to see Bush leaving the White House for the last time, and if the Democrats are properly energized like I think they are, it’ll only be a few more months until the witless wonder is in retirement back in Texas where he belongs. Winners.and Sinners THE GRAMMYS Samuel Jackson plus George Clinton equals success in our book. GARNET & BLACK USC magazine celebrates % ' its 10th year with party on Greene Street, streaking through the quad. DONALD TRUMP Brings 1980s business ^ ethics, pinstripe suits, three-martini lunches and bad hairpieces back to life. TV CENSORSHIP Butts on “NYPD” and breasts on “ER” may be tasteless, but not vulgar. HOWARD DEAN Says he won’t bow out of Democratic presidential race even if he loses in Wisconsin. Yeeeagh! PAKISTAN U.S. “ally” knew its leading nuclear scientist was giving secrets to North Korea. You just moved yourselves up on the list, guys.