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Quote, Unquote ‘I think that one of the most important things that we have is our ability to point to what our current students can do.’ Peter Sederberg, Dean of the Honors College Wednesday, April 18, 2001 %h (5amecock Serving the Carolina Community since 1Q08 Brock Vergakis Editor in Chief Brandon Larrabee University Editor Erin O’Neal Spotlight Editor Kyle Almond Sports Editor Brad Walters Design Editor Cristy Infinger Asst. University Editor , Valerie Matchette City & State Editor Amanda Silva Spotlight Editor Martha Wright Copy Desk Chief Charles Prashaw Asst. City & State Editor Aubrey Fitzloff Asst. Viewpoints Editor “Brawl” hurts image of Carolina Greeks Thursday evening, a fight broke out in the Russell House af ter Alpha Phi Alpha performed a skit mocking other frater nities during a coming-out ceremony. While those who were involved in the fight embarrassed themselves, they also embarrassed other Greeks on campus. Greeks work hard to put forth an image of being active commu nity members who make positive contributions.' Last week’s incident proved that they still have a long way to go if they want to convince the rest of the community of this. Any Greek function at which USCPD has to call the Columbia police department for backup can hardly be described as making a positive contribution to the community. It isn’t fair to Greek organizations that weren’t even in the building because non Greek students won’t take the time to distinguish between the fraternities that were involved in the incident and those that weren’t. The Greek community needs to address this issue and make sure nothing like it ever happens again. The first step is for the fraternity members who caused the trouble last week to realize what we’ve all been taught since kindergarten: fighting doesn’t solve anything. Childish behavior needs to stay on the playground. It’s time for them to grow up and act like the men they say they are. If Greeks want respect from the rest of campus, they have to earn it. Don’t add to SG Cabinet wo meetings into its new term, the student senate is al ready playing a numbers game. Having decided two years ago to limit the number of cabinet members to 25, the new senate is expanding that number to 30. We have only one question: why? What is the compelling need to add five more empty suits to an already powerless cabinet, compounding its in efficiency and ineffectiveness? SG President Corey Ford says he would add three positions: one to deal with the South Carolina Students’Association, an In ternal Affairs Director and a “presidential adviser.” But Ford al ready has an SCSA liaison; if his cabinet is having trouble com municating, maybe Ford should have done a better job picking compatible people. And to have someone called a “presidential adviser” on cabinet smacks of a sweet deal for a presidential friend. In fact, that’s what this whole bill seems to be about. It seems senate wants to aid some presidential friends by giving them shady tickets into cushy positions where, like the 25 other cabinet officers, they can feel powerful while doing nothing. About Us The Gamecock is the student newspaper of the University of South Carolina and is published Monday, Wednesday and Friday during the fall and spring semesters and nine times during the summer with the exception of university holidays and exam periods. Opinions expressed in The Gamecock are those of the editors or author and not those of the University of South Carolina The Board of Student Publications and Communications is the publisher of The Gamecock. The Department of Student Media is the newspaper's parent organization The Gamecock is supported in part by student activities fees. One free copy per reader Additional copies may be purchased for one dollar each from the Department of Student Media Address The Gamecock 1400 Greene Street Columbia. SC 29208 Offices on third floor of the Russell House. Student Media Area code 803 Advertising 777-3888 Classified 777-1184 Fa* 777-6482 Office* 777-3888 Gamecock Area code 803-777-7726 Editor in Chief gamecockeditor@hotmail.com University Desk gamecockudesk@hotmail.com City/State Desk gamecockcitydesk@hotmail.com Viewpoints gamecockviewpoints@hotmail.com Spotlight gamecockspotlight@hotmail.com Sports garnecocksports@hotmail.com Online wwwdailygamecock.com Submission Policy letters to the editor or guest columns are welcome from all members of the Carolina community letters should be 260 300 words Guest columns stiould lx? opinion pieces of about 600 words Both must include name, phone number, proh-/jonal title or year and ma|or, if a student Handwritten submissions must Ik: personally delivered to Bussell House room 333. I mail subriir.Mons must include lelepfione number lor confirmation and should be i mailed to g;Kn»v.ockvH:w|K>ints#*t ttlmailcom. It*: fj.KiK.*«.fK.k rev.tvrrs IIK: right to edit for tiliel, sfyle ;kkI space Anonymous kilter, will rK*t Ik* (juljIr.lK-fJ HkjIos .Kf r«s|U|rcd t<x gu«rsl columnist', arid c.ki lie jvovided t/y Hk: MiljUultec The Gamecock James Battle Ann Marie Miani Jennie Moore Katie Smith Mark Yates Page Designers Betsy Baugh Sara McLaulin Community Affairs Travis Lynn Sean Rayford Photo Editors Crystal Boyles Mackenzie Clements Jason Harmon Jill Martin Copy Editors SruoewT Metha Erik Collins Faculty Adviser Ellen Parsons Director of Student Media Susan King Creative Director Sean De Luna Todd Hooks Melanie Hutto Emilie Moca Martin Salisbury Creative Services Carolyn Griffin Business Manager Sarah Sims Advertising Manager Jannell Deyo Robyn Gombar Kera Khalil Denise Levereaux Nicole Russell Advertising Staff Sherry F. Holmes Classified Manager Only two loiters to Itie editor jkt sin* font Will tie printed in a semester. Staff r.oluiniis lake jmority over ('tie'.I column'., unlev. Hie (nto'.t <.oliinirii'.t offer. ox|iertr.e on a suli|ecl, or if the subjects relevance r. limited by time (in*:'.I column*, and killer', may lx- Mil unit t'-itoiy e tn.ul to (:umooockvif-w[x>int-.t«liotmuil.onui Call III ///*(* for more information College Press Exchange me* UK T&WJ.Y twy. VesY &m m m cue was mm way 1 loFYoUKftS’UUoWCAHl HAV& NY 6U£$e$ PACK? Social Issues Springtime means love, romance It’s springtime again, and love is in the air. The birds and bees are merrily chirping and buzzing along, the birds are building Nathan White nests and the bees jS a third-year stu are making honey. dent in the Co||ege Speaking of of Libera| Arts. love and honey, I Send responses t0 want to let all you gamecockview. sweet honeys out points0hotmai| there know that ¥ .com. Nathan The Love Stallion” White is looking for some action. That’s right; I’m putting myself on the market and selling myself to the highest bidder. I am now the official gigolo of the University of South Carolina. There are three reasons why I have decided to offer myself up to the ladies of Carolina: First, my online pornography resources have been exhausted. Second, pleasures of the flesh are so much more enjoyable with two people. Basically, what I want is a sexual Coca-Cola. I want the real thing. Finally, my mother always told me not to let good things go to waste and to share with others. So who am I to bottle up my studnicity and not let everyone experience the joy of my strapping biceps and my size-16 feet? Ladies, don’t worry; I ant more than just a hulking sex machine. I’ve got class as well. Here’s what a typical date with the Love Stallion is like. I’m sure this part will be a bit repetitive for most of you women, since you’ve already ridden bareback on the Love Stallion. Maybe it will bring back some old sensations. On the first date, I usually like to grab something to eat. Unlike most guys, however, I like to take my woman out to lunch. During the day, it’s cheaper, and it’s not dak, so I can size you up. I don’t want to be droppin’ twenty bucks on a big’un at the Sizzler, if you know what I mean. I also like to order my date her food just to see how she reacts. If she totally accepts my unconditional domination of the relationship, then she just passed the first test. I always order a salad to see if my dite adds salt and pepper before she tastes the food. If she does, that’s great. I like my women incoherent and unthinking. It helps later on, when we progress to domestic issues. If the woman does everything right on the first dite, I give her a voucher for a second date, redeemable at any time. She must call at least two weeks in advance so I can pencil her in. On the second date, I like to take my woman to an all-you-can-eat buffet. There are two reasons for this. First, I want to see how much food she can put away. If she eats light even at a buffet, she's doing well. If there’s nothing I hate more than a big’un, it’s someone who’ll be a big’un 20 years down the road when there’s no turning back. The second reason is that the buffet is free at Platinum Plus. Hey, it’s only the second date; I’m not sure yet if I want to start droppin’ Lincolns on this dune. If the woman aces the second date, she’s earned the privilege to be asked on another date. By this point, the woman is obviously special, and I like to romance my ladies on the third due. This means the date will Ire at night. I like to kick it off with a nice, romantic dinner. I used to take my dates to Sandy's, but ever since they jacked up the hot dog prices there, we head to Taco Bell for the #2 combo. I even let my date pick out her drink this time. After a good, hearty dinner, there is nothing like a good movie. So it’s off to the Information Desk of the Russell House, where we pick up two tickets . for whatever movie is playing in the theater. It’s nothing but the finest for my dates. Afterward, I take my date back to my apartment to do my laundry and vacuum the carpet, then I call her a cab to take her home. I just hope she lias money for the fare. If she passes the test on the third date, I formally ask the lucky lady to join my harem. It’s springtime, ladies, and love is surely in the air. Care to join me sometime for lunch? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmu n ■mu.— ■" mwmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Letters ' uooa reporting by Clements To the Editor I just wanted to thank Miss Macken zie Clements and congratulate her for a very well-written article about our Geno cide Awareness Project (GAP) in the March 23 issue of The Gamecock. We had just finished our tour of four Carolina uni versities (USC, UNC-Chapel Hill, UNC Charlotte and NC State). Of the four cam pus newspapers that covered our visits to their respective campuses, her article did the best job of presenting the facts about the display and how students responded to it. Her article covered GAP more com pletely and correctly than any of the other three papers. Another indication of the quality of your reporting is that I frankly couldn’t detect what your own attitudes about our display might have been. That’sgood! Of course, we don’t expect reporters to agree with us; we do hope that they will cover GAP in a fair and factual way —- which I is exactly witat site uiu. we appreciate it. Good luck to her in her future endeavors. C. Fletcher Armstrong, PhD Director, Southeast Region Operations Center for Bio-Ethical Reform Gamecock was too hasty to get scoop To the Editor: Not even a couple hours passed after a fight happened between fraternities be fore The Gamecock wanted to write a sto ry That’s why press gets a bad name. It’s kind of like a neighbor who can’t mind their business. My take on the subject is “let dem boys wil out,” if that’s what they want to do. I don’t ever see a story in The Gamecock about those other frats getting drunk and falling out, but I can understand why The Gamcaxk would write a story anout me iignt. oossip is contagious. Randy Sutton Second-year Student College of Liberal Arts Professor reviews a great possibility To the Editor 1 think the evaluations of professors by students is a great idea. Asa way to save time and money, there could be submis sions of reviews online. Just like some Web sites, you can “post” reviews of each pro fessor. I am sure that some Computer Sci ence major could come up with a simple program to make it all feasible, probably at minimal cost to the university. Amanda Cunningham First-year Student College of Journalism and Mass Com munications -1 Applications to be a columnist for The Gamecock in the fall semester are available in RH 343. Columnists must turn in one column (about 600 words) as often as their position requires — weekly or otherwise. Columns must be submitted to the Viewpoints editor at a mutually agreeable deadline at least two days before publication, without exception. Columnists must attend a weekly columnist meeting where they will confer with the Viewpoints editor and other columnists on ideas and possible topics. The Viewpoints editor will edit the columns for style, ease-of-reading and grammar. The Viewpoints editor can’t change the essential idea of the column. The Viewpoint* editor, managing editor and editor in chief retain the right to hold any column for any reason. Columnists must abide by all Gamecock policies. Good communication skills, an understanding of journalistic composition and a passion for intelligent and well-crafted discussion on timely local issues are essential. _I_ USC’s Future White is not best candidate for USC Na t h a n - White announced this past Monday he was stepping into the ring for the position of USC’s next . . Phil Watson president. . is a second-year I d like to ’ offer an alternative student m the to White ... Colle8eof myself. Journalism and ' White spit out Mass a lot of hollow Communications. promises about Send resP°nse *° how he would gamecockviewpoints make USC a better ©hotmail.com. place. Don’t believe them. Let’s look at some of his crazy promises and compare them to some of my more practical goals as USC’s next president. White suggested executing all the Marriott employees publicly and using their bodies for next year’s Tiger Bunt. Being the compassionate conservative I am, I think they should lie spared ;uid sent to a deserted island somewhere in the south Pacific. It would be really hard to keep the bodies from rotting. Decaying bodies are difficult to bum. Moses — I mean White — wants to build a giant parking garage underground. This would be too costly and difficult. Buildings would have to be leveled for the construction, and, as everyone knows, there arc already secret tunnels full of Civil War gold under the campus. It would be hard to construct a giant parking garage around them. As president, I would choose a much more practical parking solution: a giant flying car garage, complete with valet service mid clean restrooms. This square-mile garage would hover over campus, with dozens of on- mid off ramps. Tliere would be parking for everyone, mid it would be free. Garage security would no longer be a problem because there would be dozens of armed robots patrolling the structure. Several abused dogs would also be set loose in the garage, making sure the bad guys get what they have coming to them. Why doesn’t White want to do this? Could it be because lie’s hoping to find the buried Confederate gold while constructing his underground parking garage and keep it for himself? The answer should be obvious. Oh yeah, White also hates midgets. My opponent thinks bailers and gangstas shouldn’t be allowed to play in the P.E. Center. Under my administration, we will implement a required basketball program iiKt for hnllors and ranvstac We will even build a big coliseum in the Vista for it... oh wait, that plan is already underway. Many students are concerned about campus security as well as about garage security. Even the most petite girl won’t be afraid to walk around campus late at night under my administration. We will build a giant moat encircling campus. It will be stocked with hungry alligators and man-eating sharks. Wfc’ll invent a new kind of water that is suitable for them both. After our criminals have been disposed of, we’ll feed them the Zipsheet guys. I hope I’ve conveyed my seriousness about being USC’s next president. There ;ire sure to be more like Wliitc ahead. While’s campaign is fueled by empty promises and partisan rhetoric. The real hope for USC’s future is me, not some midget-haling, gold-stealing serial killer. (By serial killer, I mean someone who is against Heating parking garages.)