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Gamecock Sports_ _ Righting the wrongs of the sports world in 2000 Jared Kelo witz Kelo-Wits Yes, the new year is upon us, and with the coming of the new year I have decided up on a new name for my column. It seems that some of you Garden Staters were offended by the name of my last column. Between the insult you felt and the toxic waste fumes you've been inhaling all your lives, I re ceived quite a number of death threats on my an swering machine. I didn't mind it so much, but my roommate got sick of erasing them, so really I changed the column's name for his sake. Wfell, anyway, I'm starting a new policy. If anyone has a complaint from now on, here’s what you do. Type it up neatly, stick in an enve lope, throw a stamp on it, turn it sideways and shove it straight up your candyass. Hurray, it’s the new millenium and we're all still here. Well, with the 21st century upon us I was sit ting and thinking what certain sports could do to erase some of their biggest problems. ' The first sport I looked at was college foot ball. The biggest problem in college football is the polls and the lack of an accurate way to determine a national champion. Anyone who thinks the - Bowl Championship Series has erased the prob lems of the past is a fool. All the BCS does is make sure that the No. 1 and No. 2 teams in the country play each oth er. This helps a little, but the problem is, who’s to say what two teams are No.s 1 and 2? Look at poor Marshall. The Thundering Herd went undefeated for the second straight year and were still ranked No. 11, with an invitation to play in the prestigious Motor City Bowl. Hello, I don't care if you play the Will Rogers Shriners Institute, if you go undefeated, then you deserve to be playing on New Year’s Day. The bottom line is college football still needs a play off system. The next sport is professional ice hockey. Can someone please insert some control over this game? All of these guys are glorified barroom brawlers on ice skates. The refs need to start enforcing other rules besides “icing.” Sooner or later, we’ll look on the back of hockey trading cards and where the stats should be, will appear knockouts, TKOs and decisions. What the NHL can do is set stiffer fines and have longer suspensions for fights. Next on my list is professional basketball. Where did the fundamentals go? Why couldn’t someone have the hindsight to ciyogenically freeze the old Boston Celtics? This is no longer a team sport. All the NBA is now is an exaggerated game of one-on-one street ball. Do you know who I blame? The league. The NM made the game like this when they outlawed the zone defense as an illegal defense. The only illegal defense should be when gun toting hoods like Gary Payton and Allen Iverson decide to go on the floor strapped. Zone defense is an integral part of the game and it is taught at every level of play, so why ban itintheNEA? The NEA needs to reinstate the allowance of a zone defense if they want to preserve the true spirit of competition. , The next sport is Major League Baseball. I am very happy with the way the game has come back in the last couple yean of the ‘90’s. Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa receive high praise for the reincarnation of “America's Pas time.” But, there is one tiny issue that needs to be taken care of, and that is John Rocker. Please don't fire this guy: all he did was speak his mind Instead, give him his own radio show. This guy would bring in better ratings than Stem and JohnBoy and Billy combined. He should be punished for calling his team mate a fat monkey, but don't fire him, just trade him to the Mets. That way, the “KKK’s Athlete of the Year” can ride the subway to the ballpark everyday with those same “freaks, queers with AIDS and ex cons” he talked so passionantely about in a recent Sports Illustrated interview. Womens’ soccer still thinks it doesn’t get the recognition it deserves. Well, I can fix that too. All they have to do is play topless. Look at the response Brandi Chastain got when she took off her jersey at the end of the Women’s World Cup, and she's barely a B cup. Just think what showing a little skin could do for their television ratings. After all, look what it did for Vanessa Williams’ movie and music career. Come to think of it, all women’s sports could get more attention if played topless. Well, except for the pro golfers. Please, keep those ladies on the LPGA clothed as long as possible. Now that we’ve fixed all these problems, let’s sit back and enjoy a great 21st century of sports. Want to Earn Extra Cash? Be a Basketball Referee Earn Extra ___ , Cash $$$ . Work on campus Set your own hours COME TO THE BLATT PE CENTER & COMPLETE AN APPLICATION OR CALL 777-4593 FOR MORE INFORMATION Friday January 21st & 28th Come to Jillian's to Play for your Chance to WIN a BMW Z3 Roadster! • Participate in our Zany Ping-Pong Ball Contest for Fun & Prizes! • Collect the most Ping-Pong Balls & a chance to win the Z3 could be yours! • Dancing • Cash & Prizes! * ? ... . 4V (>• Special Giveaway January 28th: Eat, Drink & Play on Us in the Year 2000! Must be present to win No purchase necessary • Must be 21 to enter ’ 800 Gervais St • Columbia • 803.779.7789 Intramural Basketball Challenge Come show your skills ! ENTRIES OPEN: JANUARY 10 ENTRIES CLOSE: JANUARY 13 EVENT TAKES PLACE: JANUARY 13 ENTRY FEE: FREE Sign up in the Ofice of Campus Recreation 202 Blatt PE Center Call 777-5261 for more information www.sa.sc.edu/pecenter/im.htm MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY 700- Instructor's Instructor's 8:00 AM Choice Choice 7:30- Cardio Jam Cardio 8:30 AM Yoga Jam Noon Step & Step & Step & 1:00 PM Sculpt Sculpt Sculpt 1:05- Faculty/Staff Faculty/Staff Faculty/Staff 2-05 PM Aerobics Aerobics Aerobics 2:00- Step Body 3:00 PM_Sculpting 3:15- Slide Lower Body Slide Upper Body 3:45 PM Blast Blast 3:55- Ab Ab Ab Ab 4:15 PM Express Express Express Express 4:30- Cardio Kick Cardio Kick Cardio 5:30 PM Jam Boxing Jam Boxing Jam 5:30- Water Water Water Water 6:15 PM Aerobics Aerobics Aerobics Aerobics 5:45- Athletic Body Athletic Body Instructor's 6:45 PM Condition Sculpting Condition Sculpting °Sa Choice 7:00- Circuit Power Circuit Power 8:00 PM Training Interval Training Interval 8:15- Cardio Step Step 9:15 PM Tae Box Express Step Express Pick up a new Spring Brochure ! Don V miss the new 7:30am Cardio Jam/Yoga Class on Tuesdays! ^Participants must pay a $10 Aerobic Fee for the spring semester before taking aerobics classes. L Any persons needing special assistance for a disability, please call the p. Office of Campus Recreation at least 48 hours prior to the event, if use is an AA/ADA/EOE Department of Student Life Division of Student and Alumni Services