The Union times. [volume] (Union, S.C.) 1894-1918, December 30, 1910, Page PAGE SEVEN, Image 7
| Humor and \
J _ Philosophy |
H *T T>X/J?CJ*JV M. SMITH A
* ' ^RT PARAGRAPHS.
IpHE only benevolent man in the business
world is tlio one who sells
you stock for 20 cents that he knows
iWtll sell for one 25 inside of sixty
ays.
Ton are growing old when Halloween
is foolishness or worse and a -circus
is as bad.
A sunny smile and a dimple will go
a long way toward selling a man a
book, but It won't help him a bit in
explaining to his wife how it bap
jr
^Jyben a woman marries for support
and the man marries for an attendant,
what Is the answer?
A WiHA mnn laosno '
.vuiuo u; uic uiiainiteK
Of others to conceal his own.
It isn't v *tly a desire to nproot
erll tln?" yels a uian to dip for
noiK
^ -nge! Happiness, Uioy say, is a
w A& of miud, yet a person in u state
jrjJft mind is never happy.
The Main Chance.
congress, chastened and subdued.
wBS To Washington will come
HTo doctor laws that may bo crude
n And slightly out of plumb.
mmro guide the trembling ship of state
Rojp Along its diftant way.
wtiStV 1th peace and safety for its freight
And?well, t< draw its pay.
tiff ikOn measures for the public weal
;JK It will be standing pat.
UE 'b&s steady as a bar of steel
Hc^St Or anything like that,
Bjk Wind anything that isn't right
IR. ?jwm pet 11 l,lc neol<>
Bomething noble it will tight?
W, X That and Its mileage check.
^nomy will be the word
y That flutters down the line,
o u,U{o?? ?-* * %? *
,nm ? ? > >iio|kii win uc nrara
T That smacks of a combine.
DB v?*J5o fat appropriation lilll
H St May see the light of day
lu^Jnless Bome minor one tha^%Ul
trifle boost their pd|k #
It will soon be on the
vkaflBAnd very shortly now
B nation's restless pulse will throb
Has OOKgNM showB It how.
tMt'th care and watchfulness and zeal
L slowly will advance,
<%HLr will It pull a shady deal
t FStJnlesa It has a chance.
^ Improved the Effect.
igMfrhat a magnificent bulldlngl" exjHHked
Uncle Cyrus, who was gazing
nHe capltol building In Washington
JAs," said the casual stranger who
thwBfeoluntecrlng Information. "And it
Bnuch letter now than i( UsM to
RESrlTieroof was flat"
"Was the roof flat once?"
"Sure. It was built flat. That dome
jon see on top like a big balloon was
caused by expansion under the pressure
of hot air generated by congress."
"You don't say so!"
f Missed His Call'He
doesn't
know enongh to
come In out of the
"No, be doesn't.
/ii "wnat a One
IJ . cabbage patch be
??> would make.'*
Jt ^
^ * *
*5
Soma Handicap.
"He has lost his job as a chauffeur."
"What was the matter?"
"The train ran over bis car."
"Wouldn't the boss give him back
Ms Job?"
"Maybe, but be couldn't find enough
of him in one place to make a bargain
with."
Responsive.
"Money talks, they say."
"Yea, and did yon ever notice another
thing about it?"
"What?"
"Duty responds so much more Quickly
when money talks than It does
when the rest of us preach."
Ignoranoo Not Bliaa.
"Houseflles carry all sorts of disease
imiia in meir ieeu
"And they used to think the fly wax
m Innocent."
"They didn't know it was loaded."
The PeMHniit's Outlook.
"See that idiot grin."
*Is he an idiot?"
"He's grinning, ain't he?"
"Well, what of it?"
"He uiay die tomorrow."
Question of Taste.
"Steadiest fellow you ever saw."
"He seems to like work."
"He eats it alive."
"Well, It is my notion of nothing to
make a meal on."
Experiment.
"That fellow Is so lucky that he simpty
can't lose."
"He might try betting on a sure
thing."
Only Way Out.
Retytng on hie aklil In lying.
He poured a tale In wlfle'a ear.
But when he found he had been egging
He said. "Select your bat, my dear."
? . *.
i
' WLP**
| J^Biscuits, F
j l| More Tasty,
J| Absolutely
APPETITE GONE tv
! Indigestion is the Cause of it?Pal*
i metto Drug Co. Has the Cure.
People go on suffering from little stomach
troubles for years and imagine they
j have a serious disease.
| They over eat or over drink and force
' on the stomach a lot of extra work, never
I thinking that the stomach requires adi
ditional help to do extra work,
i If these people would take MI-O-NA
' stoinaA tablets with or tAtr meals stom|
ach misery would go ! minutes.
Ml-O-NA is guar;in?>?4 by Palmetto
Drug Co. to cure Indigestion or any
stomach disease or money back.
MI-O-NA for belching of gas.
Ml-O-NA for distress after eating.
MI-O-NA for foul breath.
! MI-O-NA for biliousness.
MI-O-NA to wake up the liver.
MI-O-NA for heartburn.
I MI-O-NA for sick headache.
MI-O-NA for nervous dysjiepsia.
MI-O-NA for vomiting of pregnancy.
Fifty cents a large box at Palmetto
Drug Co. and druggists everywhere.
' 'I must say,'' C01k)plainc<l the
woman tourist, "that I don't un
derstand why people come to this
I hotel ? no scenery, no amusement,
no good cuisine, no?"
Pardoning, madame," interrupt !
ed the host, "but we have ae gr-ran'
label to stick on ze luggage."
1 For that Dull Feeling after Eating
1 have used Chamls-rlain's Mtoinach'
and Liver Tablets for some time, and can
testify that they have done me more good
than any tablets I have ever used. My
trouble was a heavy dull feeling after eating.
? David Freeman, Kempt, Nova
Scotia. Tliese tablets strengthen the
stomach and improve the digestion.
They also regulate tlie liver and bowels.
Tliey are far superior to pills but cost no
more. Get a free sample at all dealers
and see what a splendid imxlicine it is.
"What's this?" demanded Mr.
Jcllus. "Do I find you treasuring
another man's picture?"
"Be calm, dear," answered his
wife. "That's a photo of yourself,
taken when you had hair."? -Louisville
Courier* Journal.
When your-feet am wet and cold, and
your body chilled through and through
from exposure, take u big dose of Chamberlain's
Cough Remedy, hut is* your feet
in hot water before going to bed, and
you are almost certain to ward a severe
cold. For sale by all dealers.
* * 1
I "What is ltiggins' grievance
against the railroad company?"
"He has two grievances; one is
that some of the trains don't stop
stop at his station, and tho other
that after he gets on board tho train
losses time hy stopping at other
stations."?Washington Star.
Notice to Taxpayers.
Tim time for taking tux returns for
the year 1911 liegins tho 1st of January
and ends the 20th of February, 1911,
only personal property polls and days are
to be returned in the year 1911.
All male citizens lietween the age of 21
and fK) years old arc liable to a poll of
$1.00 except those exempt by law.
Will 1m! in office ?t. Union from Oil. lot
I of January to the 23rd for the purpose of j
taking such return* after which will visit j
the following place* to wit:
Buffalof Monday, Jan. 23.
West Springs, Tuesday, Jan. 24. '
Uiblw, Wednesday, Jan. 2ft.
Cross Kevs, Thursday, Jon. 20.
Ketlalia, Mill tor's, Friday, Jan. 27.
Black Kock, Saturday, Jan. 28.
Carlisle, Monday, Jan. 30.
Santuc, Tuesday, Jan. 31.
Adanmburg, Wednesday, Feb. 1.
lxiekhart Mills, Thursday, Feb. 2.
Kelton, Friday, Feb 3.
JonoflVtlle, Saturday, Feb. 4.
Monarch Mills, Monday, Fob. 0.
The balance of tiuic in othce until 20th
day of February after which the law puts
rtO i?cr cent, penalty for not returning.
J. B. 1 suicaster,
Auditor Union County.
gtai
POWDER ;
lot Breads
Economical, n
r Healthful 111
j 'I want to ask you for a bit of j ^
advice," said the insinuating man.' a
What is it?
I want you to put yourself in my i
place and me in yours, and tell mej
how you would go about it if you j
wanted to borrow $10 from me.?
Puck. *
Here is a Remedy that Will Cure Eczema-"We
Prove It." J
Why waste time an-1 money cxj?erimenting
with greasy salves and lotions, !
trying to drive the eczema germ from un- j
dorneath tlie skin when the G lymph's i
Pharmacy guarantees ZEMO, a clean
liquid preparation tor external use to rid
the skin of the germ life that causes tlie
trouble? One application will relieve the
itching and ottcu Limes one bottle is sufticient
to cure a minor caw of eczema. !
ZKMO is sold by druggists everywhere 1
and in Union by Glymph's Pharmacy I
and they will tell you of the marvelous
cures made by this clean, simple treatment.
ZKMO and Zemo soap are recognized
as the cleanest and most popular
treatment for eczema, pimples, dandruff.,and
all other forms of skin or scidjjU.
affections whetlier on infant or groWn i
person. Will yon try ZEMO and ZEMOj
soap 011 our recommendation and guarantee
of satisfaction or you money back?'
Olymph'8 Pharmacy. l
"Well, parson, is your congregation
liberal in their benevolenceH?" I
"Liberal? Well, I should say dey '
is not that. Why, when I as ted i
dem to sing 'Ole Hundred' dey done j
sung 'The Ninety and Nine'."?
Harper's Bazaar.
Worse than an alarm of fire at night is
the metallic cough of croup, bringing
dread to the household. Careful mothers
keep Foley's Honey and Tar in the house
and give it at the first sign of danger. It j
' enntAiti-J tin nninlnu I'l ?? ...I.'-, tii. 1
... ?w vj'imvvc. v.ujiiipii ? i fianu!
aoy.
A negro woman living at Mct'oll *
and claiming to bo 111 years old
died Christmas Day. She retained
her sight, memory and hearing unto:
the last. j \>
Take Care!
I Remember tluit when your kidneys aicj
affected. Yourlifeis in danger. M.Mayer, i
Rochester, N. Y., says: "My trouble j
started with a sharp shooting pain over
my back which grew worse daily. I felt j #
sluggish and tired, my kidney action was
irregular and infrequent. 1 started using i
Foley Kidney l'ills. Kaeh dose seemed
to put new life and strength into me, and j
now 1 am completely cured and feel
better and stronger than for years."
(ilymph's Pharmacy.
Two children of William Simmons, j
a farmer of Brownwood, Texas, I
feasted on mistletoe berries and died j
within several hours.
Mrs. Russell Huge gave a Chri-Lmas
present of 85.00 to every laborer
in the New York city park department.
Boy? Another ox tail, please.
Butcher?Did your mother like
the last one she had?
Boy ? Yes; and she says she
I \17 *i ntu tltiu nno !?.? "*
UII uir rsiiJir UA,
phase!
j "Wrong ideas of life, has he?"
"Yes, lie thinks a five-dollar
| bill was made to he changed." ?
: Harper's Bazaar.
The Perpetual Building and!
Loan Association
I
Will help you to live in your own
home and own it. Fourth Series
opens Jan. 1st, 1911.
We lend money at 8 per cent. !
L. S. TOWNSEND, :
President.
R. P. Morgan. i I
Sec'y and Treae. , I
I j ?
Some men take to politics for glory,
rat they feel that they have to get a
Iviiig out of It first.
The devil tukt^s a vacation when he
ias started a church row.
There is no use trying to give a gold
nine to n nmn with a cold In his head.
A fool millionaire and his actress
vifc are soon parted, leaving a fool
nd an actress millionaire.
Ancients and Moderns.
Wlrere are the mighty inen of old
Who used to tear around
And gather glory tinted pold
And other nations pound?
Alas, they all are laid away
Safe in the halls of fame!
But we have other nn-a today \
Who pet there just the same.
Where are tire men who used to plow
The miphty. rapinp main
And scuttle every passing scow
On which their puns might train?
They lie some forty fathoms deep.
Long since are hushed their knells.
Our pirates are the ones who keep
The summer place hotels.
"Where are the men who took an ax
And proclamation made
The startling message that the tax
ouuuiu .-in to mom uc paid?
Thetr method* softer are, though quite
As forceful Is their "must."
They get us. and they get us right,
lJy managing a trust.
Yes. things are t-lvanged around a bit.
The sword is sheathed today.
And men depend upon their wit
To take the stuff away.
Arid, looking carelessly around.
Who would a doubt express
That they a hotter way had found
To gather in suooesp?
Catching Both Ways.
"Who do you suppose invented the
lobble skirtV"
"Must have been a one logged man."
"No; 1 think it was some dressmaker
vlio thought she could save money on
he cloth, with the chance for increasr?g
the price when the styles changed ]
gain and required more poods."
Charlie's Bargain.
"Papa."
"Yes."
"Charlie has bought mining stock
or 10 cents a share. Don't you think
hat is a bargain?"
"Well, I don't know. He is certainly
asil.v sold, whether the stock is or
lOt."
The Difference.
"FuV"
"Yes, my little son."
??T lllrn ..." "
i?nv iv ? vi ?u,y u?ItiN
"Certainly! We all <i<x"
"Sister doesn't."
"Doesn't she?"
"No; she keeps hers."
Always Good.
"I wonder if ilia: Is ? "log."
"Yes."
"How can you tell?"
"Because he is mine "
Explanation.
"My wife believe* exerythuijr 1 tell '
er."
"Impossible!"
"Fact."
"She must Is- credulous."
"No. I am simply mighty careful
i'hat 1 tell her."
Appropriate. '
"Why be >U?-h it fool?'
"Why?" 1
"Yes."
"Well, it seems so well suited to j
muse the ininpany."
The Vehicle.
"Did she go off in it towering rageV" j
"Huh 7"
"1 say, did she go off in a tanffV"
"No: she used i>v airship."
Not Yet.
When we liavt wings we'll nee and fly
When pleasant summer breez?H cease
Off to aoroe sunny southern shy.
And then we'll be as smart as geese.
Let me send you iMs big book I
> * E&lR?UNrr
IT will show you how to increase
your income, lo make
success come your way, lo
make the most ol your opportunities,
to forge ahead in business
just as more than 100,000
young people have done alter
reading this big illustrated book.
Get a postal and r\?.r
write for it 1 O'L/dy
ARTHUR C. MINTtA, Gen. Mgr., |
Dratighoo's Pradical
Business College
Atlanta, Macon, Augusta, Ga.;
Montgomery, Ala.; Kaoxville.
Tena.; Greenville, S. C.
I
*3 }B
lu ly<*
1 1
I I
I ?
<< PETER COOPER, u
I ^ to found Cooper Union ir
S25 a year for the first t\
I was an apprentice to a c<
1 fj&i first two years and put it
M
Make OUIJ
: k$
We P3^ liberal inte
a The Gitizeti
VJss
Union,
i si? ?;t* yI? Tt? Tf? *i a tw xlaxte*1?>te*
v ,'w*,w^?wiy%*i4r^?rrwwib^w^w^
t
1 ^
I ~ I
I Horses ar
j arrived.
I PEOPLES
1A1 1/^ A
jl*\j jl ~/z rvli c
of Pe
1^ miles to Kelly's Station. 1
Lockhart Railroad, known a
Acres in cultivation, 30 Acres
good fence; 0 Room Dwelling
out buildings. This plac?* is
place is level land.
Price $3
1-4 Cash, balance in .
K. F. Iti-IK
.IONKS
\ - 1 *
i ? ?. my niinu is rnaun up.
night I shall ask h?>r tj bi> my w
B-b-hy Jure. I h-h-h^H'sh ?'out
Judge.
Foley's
Kidney
Pills
What They Will Do for Yoi
They will cure your backac!
strengthen your kidneys, c
rect urinary irregularities, bu
up the worn out tissues, a
eliminate the excess uric a<
that causes rheumatism. P
vent Bright's Disease and D
bates, and restore health a
strength. Refuse substitut
| Sold by all Druggists.
I FAGE SEVK*
mmssl
ml wl
fMts. W|
I ,/ /ri&hut & |
l . tff i fc*
V JtirM pi
Aie and |?'"-||
^T- f ?
?ho when yet alive, prave $630,000
1 New York City, earned only $jjl
,vo years he was in that city. He ?'<1
>achmaker . He SAVED $20 the >!
; in the bank.
, Hank YOlJJt Hank. ^
rest consistent with safety.
s National Bank |
PSSJ
South Carolina fpj
tl\ , yiv-- ->lv .>!%:/EoSBRA
n
55 ^ 4^
id Mules" just J
See them. 1
SUPPLY CO. I
s Garden Spot
U i rro
tl XVIVI^V
(M) yards to Bald Rock Station on
s 441). J. Farr Home Place." 100
in Fine Pine Timber, balance under
, 2 Good Tenant Houses, all necessary
a "Beauty." Practically all this
2.50 Per Acre.
* equal annual installments.
[ELL Y.
, KSTATK MAIS
VIIjI^K S. C.
To., You Must Read This.
lit?. .1. YV. iireer, Greenwood, I.a., Miffirn)
J?i with a severe cjiw of luml>a<rn. "Tfr<
pains wen; so intense I was forced t-*
; hypodermic injections for relief. The*
i Attacks started with a Taiin in ihe sm.tfl
of my hack \fhieh gradually Vnvame fairly
paralyzing. My attention was attracted
to Foley's Kidney Ketnedy and I a??
Vhul to say after using tbi- womhdnl
% , medicine I am no longer >s?ib?n 1 *
any way by my old enemy huiil?oi
lymph's I'harmacy.
( 1 Delinquent Tax Sale.
Ity virtue of a tax ex?vution to mr
directed, 1 will sell U'locctlfet'-onn IPoae
U 'door in I'nion County, S. C., Iurir?>c the
i legal hours of sale on Salesday, the limi
?C, . day oi January, 1011, flu* followiny
or- ' projHTty to wit:
! Out' tract of land in Join-sville tovr?ship,
containing ahout forty ncrcs, Wtnd
longing to the list. .Mary Jam' McDowaB
.. ' Tliix t ract of land to Is* re-sold at the
Cld ri - k of Kovtir Fowler, tin- former pnire
chaser, and at tin* risk of S. Means Boaty.
tin1 snitHoquent purchaser.
,a~ The purchaser must comply oil th?j
tnd hl.s k or the property will Is- re-?r?ld it
{ his risk also. J. (!. Long,
: HIieriflTnioD Ooooty.
i SlarifTa Olfice.
' December 12th, lfllO. JKKtt