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Vas ?virant WATCHMAN, XBtaMMMd April, isso. "Be Just and Fear not-Let all the Ends thon Aimsl at, be thy Country's, thy God's and Truth's - THE TRUE SOUTHKOJT, Established JOM, jee? Cousolidftted Avg. 2,.1881.1 SUMTER, S. C., WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 1892. New Series-Vol. Xl. Ne. 27. idmry Wednesday, N. GK OSTEEN, SUMTER, 8. C. TKKMS: Two Do!Urs per annum-in advance. ADTISTIS1XIIT8. On? SquaM, first insertion..................$1 00 Irexj aBftseqaenl insertion.. 50 Contracts for three mon ths, or longer will ba maia at red aced rates. Alleomraonientions which subserve private If? liMltn will bc charged for as advertisements. O&ituajies and tribu tra of respect will be charged for. TO ^Bii would protect yourself from Painful; Profuse, Scanty, Suppressed or Irregular Men? struation y?a must use BRADFIELD'S FEMALE REGULATOR, C?BTKRSVTLXJE, April 235,1S85. 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Miss Cathcart entered the drawing room in evening dress and a very per? turbed frame of mind. Her brother fol? lowed her in like physical and mental habiliments. "There's no use cutting np so rough about it, Evvy," he said. 'Tm in no end of a scrape as it is." "You certainly have done your best to get into tronble,n,she returned, "and as usual one man's trouble means several women's." "But how am I to get out of it?" he asked helplessly. "How like a man that isP she said, fanning herself vigorously. "That's all right Bnt you are a woman, and a woman has resources." "Mother ?3 a woman. Why don't you go to her?' "Motherr he repeated. "She would be so flustered she'd never think of any? thing but recriminations for me. Be? sides, Ev, you are in something of my fix yourself." "I am in no tronble that I am aware of, except this that you have throst upon us," she said. "You are in love," retorted he. "Thanks for the old synonym." "Bat you will be a good sister and try to help me?" "What sort of a wedding present are you going fco give me?" "Anything you want, from a sewing machine to a brownstone house." "The usual promise of futurity. Se? riously, Ralph," she said, "do I know all about this matter? From college you go abroad. Mamma gives yon a letter to her old friend, the Marquis de Mer veilleau, whom you found in his old chateau in one of the provinces'1 "Without an idea of the English lan? guage, and wild to learn it." **You offered to teach it to him." "I gave bim a lesson every day for six months." "And what were those lessons, oh, shade of Addison?" "I only did it for a piece of fun," sighed the young man. "It was his in? nocence-he knew me to be fresh from college, and he took me for a savant, an authority on the gift of tongues. He did not know that in college we do not con? fine ourselves to the classics, so long as athletics help us to our degree." "You mean fellow, you taught him all the slang phrases yon knew, and he thinks them the most elegant English." "1 tell yon," peevishly cried Raiph, "I did it all in fun." " 'One man's meat,' " said bis sister. "Well, you did not know there was a daughter ia the case." "Oh, yes, I did," quickly responded Ralph. "Eut she was away from home, and I had no idea of ever meeting her. When my six months were np, and 1 went into Germany, the marquis had Marie come home, and for several months more he taught her as 1 had taught him." "All the slang he had imbibed from yon. When you went again to see him you. met Marie, and at once fell in love with her." "She is divine!" "Of course. I am divine to Tom, I hope. The upshot of it was that you proposed and were accapted, and the marquis at once insisted upon bringing Marie to visit us, you having enthused him with yonr description of our insti? tutions. Marie is certainly charming and she has brought a marvelous set of gowns with her from the atelier of Felix. She has been in her room this hour past, preparing for Mrs. Montgom erv's ball, which, en passant, is to be a particularly smart function." "Mother has not met them, then?*' said Ralph. "Oh, I remember; she was dressing when they came. What will she say when she hears them talk?" "They may use French," suggested his sister, twirling her bracelets in a nervous fashion. "You forget," cried Ralph, "how elated the marquis is over his newly ac? quired English-he refuses to use any French since he set his foot on American soil, and insists that Marie shall do as he does. And he has a horror of argot or slang, deprecates its use in France. That made it all the funnier for me, to teach him our own, giving Emerson and other polite writers as authority, while he inveighed against the ruin of his own language by the gamin talk of Parisian streets." "French slang-yes, I remember some of it. Did this child of the boulevards tell you that the Parisian will tell you a man 'has not caught cold in his eyes' when he is n^t to be cheated? That ene who is self opinionated 'does not use his feet as a mouchoir:* " "And," went on Ralph, with a flash of transient enjoyment over the past, "that when & man goes to bed he 'wraps np the meat in a cloth:' that to call a man a canary bird, is an unpardonable insult; if you drink absinthe, it is 'strangling the parrot;' if you take Clicquot, you 'make eyes at the widow;' if you are guillotined, you have 'sneezed in the basket;' if you accept flattery, you 'drink milk;' if you buy things on credit, you get them 'on your eye.' That's not the worst of it," the cheerful? ness evaporating. "What will he do when he knows the truth? He will think me a first class scoundrel, go back at once to Fr-.nce and take Marie from me forever." "And what will he think of usT de? manded Evvy. "We are in as much of a scrape as you are, and through you. Well, the ouly thing I can see for us to do is for all of us to talk as they will." "You can imagine mother using slang, can't you?" sarcastically remarked Ralph. "We might coach her," cheerfully sug? gested his sister. "I myself have fre? quently said 'chestnuts' over some of your stock college stories, you know. And as for Tom" "Oh, Tom Jardine," interrupted he, "he's all right." "Thank you, sir; Tom does not indulge in the patois of the streets." ' "Everybody does nowadays." "Not the way you do." "The way I used to.*' he corrected. ?-mWMuwm-w^-- _ -- "Evvy, I will never use slang again as long as I live.** ? "But yon have burned your ships," she j said consolingly. At that moment the portieres were agitated, and Tom Jardine came in with a gleaming shirt front. "Hi, Evvy!" cried he; "who built your gown? You are stunning in that ball dress." "Oh, Tom," she said, distressedly fly? ing to him, "the marquis and Marie have arrived." "Tom," asseverated Ralph, 'Tve put my foot in if." "Tom," insisted Evvy, "Ralph's in. such a way! He has confessed to me, and I don't know whats too bad for him." "I wish somebody would confess a little to me," said Jardine in a puzzled tone. "What do you two mean?*' "Tom," impressively replied nervous Ralph, "you talk slang, don't you?" "I can," returned Jardine, "but I never do." "Wouldn't yon do it for me?" asked Evvy. "Talk slang for you!" said Jardine, looking at her as at a hieroglyphic. Ralph stopped in his feverish walk. "Evvy's going to do it," he said. "Td talked it for yon as well, Tom," she said. "But I don't want you to talk slang for me," cried Jardine. She looked at him winningly. "No," she said, "I want you to do it for me." Jardine telescoped his opera hat. "Evvy," he said sternly, "are yon crazy? Tell me this instant what all this idiocy means." "Tell him," groaned Ralph, "I can't I believe Tm 3osing my mind." Jardine could not resist the opportu? nity of saying that the lost article would be returned to its owner without a re? ward and no questions asked. "Don't Tom!" said Evvy at this lev? ity. "Don't you think you might respect the woman you have asked to marry you? This is no time for silly jests." "Evvy," said Ralph, "take him into the conservator}* and .tell him all about it. The marquis or Marie might come hero in the middle of it." Miss Cathcart, with an injured air, led the way. Jardine, with his chin ele? vated, bat looking suspiciously at Ralph, followed her out of the room. il. "Go tate ze valk." Left to himself, Ralph plunged his hands into his pockets, as woebegone a specimen as had accepted an invitation to a ball that evening. "What an ass a fellow may be when he wants to!" was his cogitation. "I'll never comm . another joke as long .is I live. Live! Til die if Marie is taken away from me." He put his hands up before his face ard stood f.,r a minute motionless. A movement in the room startled him. There was the haughty old marquis in his French idea of evening dress, a oat on his back which may have been made for him twenty years back. But the marquis was one of the ancien regime for all that. He stuck his eyeglass up, the merriment of a child in his face. "Oh, my boy," he said in his new English, "how it goes, eh? How is ze royal nibs?-*?s Benjamin Franklin say." Ralph, with a ghastly smile, faced him. "Monsieur," he returned, "I see you are ready for the ball." "In se togs," replied the marquis. "Oui-yes, I am ze dandy dresser, as Emerson remark." "And Marie?" "She viii be here presentment," an? swered the father. "She viii ze town paint red. And vare is ze old lady, madame, ze mere-your inozer?' His eyes were on his expectant son-in law, who could do no more than say he was expecting the advent of his mother at any misnte. The marquis, every well made tooth showing, tapped him on the ann. "Ze young man look onwell," he laughed. "Mon cher, I have myself been zare. It is ze dinner, ze v;n-you razzle dazzle, eh? Let up on ze vin, dear boy, or ze leetle rams you viii have-vat you call ze snakes. Brace up-brace np! Ahr For here Mrs. Cathcart, in sweeping velvet and jewels, sailed in. "Marquis," she cried, "j'ai bien de la joie de vous voir." "E-english, E-english!" cried he, shak? ing his head negatively. "Je ne puis parle pas Francais." "Que voulez-vous dire?" she insisted. "Parlez Anglais?" returned he senten? tiously. "Parlez Anglais?" "Ah," she said, as he raised her fingers to his lips, "I see. But. my dear mon? sieur, this pleasure, after twenty-five years interruption of our old acquaint? ance, is indeed appreciated. How much we have to talk over, the changes of time, old friends in France and all that. And 3*ou will surely forgive me for not welcoming you when you arrived" "You knock me silly, madame, a3 Vasbington say at Trenton," interrupted the marquis. "I coinprendez-it vus ze toilette zat detain you. I catch on." "What is that?" sharply asked his hostess. "I-ah, Marie! Where is sher" "In ze boudoir," responded he. "Ze last vord she say, 'Old man, give me not away,' she refer to ze costume." "Give away her costume!" said Mrs. Cathcart, in a stunned sort of way. "I do not understand." Ralph had been on tenter hooks all this time; he feared an explosion was at hand. With a smothered exclamation he ran out of the room to seek Jardine and Evvy. His mother looked after him. "It is nozzings," said the marquis happily. "It is ze razzle dazzle, re 6kates, as Hawzorn call it." Mrs. Cathcart edged away from him. "Really," she began, when he broke in: "You astonish wiz my fluency in ze Anglais? Ralph he teach me, I teach Marie." Mrs. Cathcart caught her breath; she knew her son of old. "Ralph taught you English?" she said, a crimson flood spreading across her face, a light breaking in upon her. "Mais oui," answered the smiling mar? quis. "I viii speak no ozer tong-it is ravishment. You must hear Marie; sh3 climb all over me, as zeysay in ze school at Concord." She had not a word to say. What i could she have said? But her anger Bal ph was something more than non "Oui," her guest was volubly g( on, "Marie she work ze Anglais foi it is vorth." And then Tom Jardine was with in his face a matcli for hers. "Tom," said she, "have you heard 1 Ralph is responsible for the Englisfc the marquis and his daughter?" "It is simply outrageo .s," retur that young man. "And Evvy wis us all to talk this way in order to scr Ralph. I've just had a tiff with her garding the matter." "Tiff!" cried the marquis. "Zat i same as scrap, eh?" "Pardon me, monsieur," said "i Cathcart; "allow me-Mr. Tom ? dine." The marquis grasped Jardine's ha "Ah," he murmured, "Ralph he tell you viii be ze mari-ze husband Mees Cathcart. I congr-ratu?ate y sair. Mees Cathcart is too sweet any use. Madame, je lui en ai fait u compliment." Jardine w*s a thoroughly angry m The happy frame of mind of Ral| victim did not tend to placate him. heard a sound out in the hall, a.ad thought it was Ralph come to see h he would disport himself. He did : care what happened, the marquis shoi not be made a jest of any further. "Monsieur," he said, "I regret to i ! that a miserable practical joke" He got no further, for it had n^t Ix Ralph in the hall; instead, there st DO vision cf youth and beauty, one of 1 fairest of the lilies of France, and rayed in the Solomon glory of Felix. Mrs. Cathcart went toward her w outstretched anns. "Marie," she said, my dear child, e ce bien vous? is it really you?" a Marie, rT"anding there bashfully, 1 beautiful eyes raised gently, merely s swered: "Ah, zare*!" Mrs. Cathcart fell back, j "Marie," called her father, "sall madame!" Marie raised her coral lips to the eic lady, and wondered at the chasteness the salute she received. "Marie," said the marquis, "behold lance of Mees Cathcart, Mistair Tomi Garden. Ah, you must hear Mari E-english." Marie, bowing low to Jardine, mc estly said: "Papa, you make me tired, go take valk and get ze hair cut." Mrs. Cathcart, who was now begi ning to look something like a novelis duchess, and not so much like a mor fied woman, here interposed: "Marie," she said, "I am sorry, beai ily sorry"-when her heart failed bert girl seemed so happy-"I mean, yon a looking lovely." "Oh," returned Marie in a low voie her eyes downcast, "vat are you givii ns, taffy?" "I mean," Mrs. Cathcart \v-.mt ou h roically, "that your gown is vastly b coming." Even a modest girl takes courage wht her dress is praised. "Oh, ze bal Am?ricain," lisped Mari "I shall go to ze bal. I sliall have : daisy time. I shall get ze vork in. Pap he is not in it-he is vat yon say on : shelf, played. Yet papa he is ze trump and she kissed the marquis filially; "bi I have ze drop on ze Anglais." "You see,'* the marquis fairly hearne "Marie speak ze E-english like ze luu tum. You tumbles, as ze poet, John L ask." "Ah," said Marie, with a sweet gil ish laugh, "I nevair get left. I get zei all ze same." Jardine ha/ been fairly boiling; speec was a safety valve. "This is more than shocking," he saie I "I am ready to faint,*' poor Mrs. Cati cart managed to whisper. Jardine raised his shoulders. "Moi sieur," he said, "there is-ah-consider able of a mistake. The garden is nc 'unpleasantly cool; if you will go ther with me I wi "J explain." Marie looked kindly at him. "Ze jardin." she said. "Go, papa, an? chin wiz Tommy; I would be wiz ma dame. Scoot! Get ze move on yon Light out! Skip! Dust! Ah, vat I sse? What she saw was a photograph o Ralph on a table. She went there vdt] her father and examined the picture. "Oh, Tom!" gasped Mrs. Cathcart "Come, monsieur," called Tom, hi QOSI . "is expanded. "Not a word. Tom," said a voice, anc Evvy had quietly entered the room "Ralph is nearly beside himself." But Jardine was not in a state o mind to bear contradiction. "I certain ly shall tell this man the truth," h said. "Then everything is over between tis/ returned Evvy in his own manner. Her mother wrung her gloved hands. "Be still, mamma." said Evvy, hersel on the verge of despsration. "There wil certainly be a way out of it Ralph i nearly frantic." "Come, monsienr," said Jardine. "33x plain to him," whispered Evvy to hei lover, a heightened color in her face "and we are strangers from this nigh' on." But Jardine paid no attention to her. "Monsieur?" he called peremptorily, The marquis ambled away from th< table. "I am wiz you, moucher," be said. Then gallantly to Evvy, "Mees, I con? gratulate you; you are Mistair Tommy's best girl," and with a profusion of bows and apologetic gestures he followed aflei Jardine, who carried himself like a ram? rod. Only theu did Marie put down the picture of Ralph. "Good," said she. "Now, I wiz ze mama and ze sistair of ze man zat teach papa ze beautiful E-english. I love my Ralph first because he teach papa ze beautiful E-english. You catch on? I may make ze mistake ten times out of nine, but if madame or mees viii tip me ze vink I viii make ze regular circus every time. See? I am ze talker from Talkerville. See?" Mrs. Cathcart sat heavily down. "Was there ever such a horror?" she asked of space. "Marie"- said Evvy, then stopped, for what had she to say? Marie looked timidly at her. "But my E-english is beautiful?" she asked deprecatingly. "It is not pass?e? It is moderne?" "Very modern," answered Evvy, with meaning; "very, very modern." "Ah!" cried Marie gleefully, "I liR'9 ze mode-my costume du bal is ze mode. I am ze strife. I viii paint ze town." Evvy caught her arm. "My poor Marie!" she said. "Oh?" viciouslv, "if I had my will of Ralph!" "Viii!" echoed Marie, "Viii of Ralph! Viii-zat means ze tesfment of ze ma i vat pass in ze checks, kicks ze bucket and leave ze I ?odie. Ralph-Ralph is not ill!" "I should like to make him so," re? plied Evvy. Marie jerked herself away from her and drew herself up. "Mademoiselle," she said, with con? siderable hantenr, "yon mnst not sit on Ralph-ze person zat give my Ralph zo cold shake is N. Gr. You hear me?" Mrs. Cathcart had split one of her gloves in pieces. "Marie," she said with hysterical de? termination, "come with me; I must ex? plain this awfulness to you." But she had ber daughter to contend with. "Mamma," said Evvy, "remember! Ralph loves her. Separate them and I do not know what will happen." "I will not allow this to go on," re? turned her mother. "Marie!" "But ze bal!" demurred Marie; "do we not attend ze bal, vare I. shoot off my E-englishr "I must speak with you," said the ex? cited matron. "Ralph has not been kind to you." Marie started, but looked incredulous. "Not kin !" she repeated. "Vy he teach papa ze E-english. Veli, I viii listen, but Ralph you cannot make not kind. Zat is ze size of it. Ta, ta, Mees Ewyl Solong!" ILL "Is ze skates here y ctr1 Left alone Evvy was torn with conflict? ing emotions; she really feared for Ralph's reason, from what she had wit? nessed of his manner in the conservatory, and then Tom had presumed to do what she had not wished him to do. She sat there, angry with Ralph, pity? ing him; angry with Tom, and not pity? ing him. And thus Tom found her. He raised the door curtains and regarded her trou? bled face. "Evvy!" he called softly. Her face froze at once. "Sir!" she said. He entered the room, swishing the cur? tain after him. "At least, ' he said, "you might re? member who I am." With elevated brows she answered that there w^s small danger of her for? getting his identity. He was somewhat meeker as he said that he had done noth? ing "Nothing," she echoed. "You went de? liberately against my expressed wishes." "May I ask in what way?" asked he. "Where is the marquis?" she inquired. "In the garden," was the answer, "ex? tolling to nature the beauties of the American language, and contracting the grip." She turned her face a little toward him. "Then you have not *old him?" "Did you not say I must not?" he de? manded aggressively. "Oh, Tom!" she said; "dear Tomr and slid into his arms. What could he do then? "But, Evvy," he complained with clouded brow, "my silence does not make the matter any the less outrageous. Rather more so." "Yet," she said, raising her face to his, "you respected my wishes." He patted her hand. "But what is to be done?" he asked. "We cannot let these people go on in this way. Imagine them at Mrs. Mont? gomery's ball this evening!" "We will not go to the ball," said Evvy. "But," he persisted, "the old man is wild to go, that he may see an assembly of polite Americans." Evvy thought a moment. "I might faint," she mused. "Would a mere faint keep your guests at home?" he asked qnick y. "Ralph could take thom-cards have come for them." "Then," said Evvy with determina? tion and breaking from him, "Ralph must do something-he must have hy? drophobia, or something-Fido shall be forced to bite him. Ralph!" she called, "Ralph!" Ralph had not been far off, and here he was, as crushed a specimen of the genus homo as any flagrant scientist would care to see. He threw himself upon a sofa. "Evvy," he said, "what have I donel" "It is not what you have already done," she responded with some asperity' "it is what you have yet to do. You must have a fit or commit suicide, a something that we may have an excuse for staying away from the ball." "Let it be suicide," he said sepulchral? ly, and they both looked at him-even Jardine felt a little less hard. He would have read Ralph an improving lecture had not Marie put her pretty face into the room. But her face was frightened too. "Ralph!" she said, looking helplessly at Evvy and Jardine, "Madame say Ralph is not kind, and I say 'Rate!1 when she cry out and ze femme de chambre say madame have ze hystrike, and fire me out." "Oh," cried Evvy, "poor mamma!" and agitatedly left the room. Then Marie saw Ralph on the sofa. She flew to him. "Ce pauvre, Ralph!" "Oh, Marie!" he groaned. She kneeled beside him, laying her hand on his hot head. "Yoe are not well," she said. "No," he answered; "oh, no." She stripped off her gloves. "Zen 1 go not to ze bal," she said, "to sit on ze dudes." She turned to Jardine. "My festive friend," she said, "please tell papa I remain in ze house tonight; his nobs is not well." Jardine brightened a little. "That makes four at home," he said, "Evvy, her mother and these two. May? be I can frighten the old man with tales of the Indians that may swoop down upon ns," and he made for the garden. "Ah," said Marie to Ralph, "it is ze large head. I will baze it-ve viii get ze bulge on ze headache," -and going to a jar lilied with roses she dipped her handkerchief into the water there and brought it back to the sofa. "Oh, Ma? rie!" said Ralph, as the cool water trickled around his ears and down his back. "Eau!" said Marie, "yes, it is l'eau. Zat is all-l'eau." "Oh, Marie!" "Owe!" she laughed tenderly; "you ! owe me nozings-it is mere vater on ze ? brain," and she bathed his brow again, j "Owe! Zat sounds like ze pawn man, ? ze oncle, ze spout, ze hock. But you do i ' not laugh! Ah, ze head aches-ah, ze head so full of ze l>eautiful E-euglish! ' Ze plasir for me to speak wiz you in your own tong." "If you only could not," he groai to himself. "If you only could not." But she heard him. "You vish I could not?" she cri "Merci! Dites-moi ce qui en est. > yon giving us-did you not teach us tong, you, ze savant, ze college rn; Give ns ze rest! Zat is too thin! Se Ralph writhed. "Marie, listen," he said. "This is t ture-it has been torture ever sine? met you." Marie rose to her feet. "Vat!" she cried. "Since you met r. You love me not-you vonld shake m Ralph caught her gown. "I would die for you," he said. "Zare is nozing mean about me," ? said rather 'suspiciously; "live for r I care not for any die in mine. Eve time." Ralph raised himself on his elbow. "Promise me," he said, with wild < ergy, "that, come what may, you *? not ?eav? me." "Go back on you?" she said. "Nev; -so help me gracious!" "You will always believe in n Marie-always?" "Alvays. Did you not teach ns E-english? You are shouting." Ralph fell back, burying his face the sofa cushions. ..Vat's np?" cried a voice, and t marquis came in from the garden wi Jardine. "Is ze skates here yet?" Jardine went up to the sofa and to by the shoulder the recumbent foi there. "Old man," he said, "I think yot better tell the truth." "He would never forgive me," return Ralph, loader than he had meant. "Forgive me," said the marquis sobe ly. "Zare is somzings to forgive." "Much," said Ralph. The marquis went to Marie. "Yon hear," he said. "Quel mal her Zare is somezings to forgive! Nevai You mean you have deceived Marie you no longer love her. Sacre" "Papa!" screamed Marie, "dry up!" "I love her with all my soul," yell? Ralph. "Zen," said the marquis sententious! "zare is nozings to forgive. You ha* ze jag, as Arritbicherstowe say." "There is," cried Ralph, "there much to forgive." I "Sare!" ? "It is your English." "Mon Anglais!" and the marquis glo\ ered. "Zare is no flies on my E-englisi Did you not teach it to me? Are you n< ze college man, ze savant? You mea Marie and Ive not ze tight twisted-*? catch not on? Sare, I am ze Fr-renc gentilhomme, I vearze cordon rouge" "No, no," cried out Jardine, "hemeai nothing disrespectful, believe me, ma quis." "Vat did he mean?" demanded theno: irate old mau. "I viii not have ze bulg on me, sare. Ze duel is not ex-extinc in Fr-rance" "He means" "I mean," groaned Ralph, "that I ai dying." "D?raisonner!" said the marquis, "i sat all? It is ze vin, and don't you foi get it." But Marie was crying: "Papa, he is dying. Madame! Mee Evvy! Tommy! He is dying-il es mort!" "Her voice was piercing, and it brough Mrs. Cathcart and Evvy to the sofa, as i did the others. "There is nothing the matter," Mrs 1 Cathcart said sternly. "It is Ralph," wailed Marie. "It is zo E-english language," said thi marquis. "Wait! Wait!" cried Evvy. She looked witheringly down upoi Ralph. "It is indeed the .English language,' she said calmly. "Come! Are we go ing to the ball this evening?" "Not zis evening; some ozer evening, as Mees Anna Rooney say," said the marquis pleasantly. "Bal," echoed Marie, "ven Ralph he is so mixed zose children up-so played out -so scoooped in." Mrs. Cathcart turned her back on the sofa. "Monsieur," she said to the marquis, "I am acquainted with the nature of my son's ailment." "Certaiument, madame," returned he. "Is it vat ze sveet singer de Michegan call ze D. T.?" "Ze skates," interpreted Marie. "Papa have zem like ze leetle man." Evvy took the arm of the marquis. "It is the English language," she said dryly. "Monsieur, you know we are a very progressive people." "I salute Am?rique," he returned, placing his thin finger to his lips and wafting the kiss to the outer air. "Am?rique is so fly. It is ze sur-r-pns ing country, mademoiselle. Ze fly r*ountry." "Thank you." Evvy smiled mechan? ically. "Then it will be easy to explain to you. WelL, it is Ralph-he is dread? fully son*}% and lje is sick over it, but the English language has changed." There was an exclamation. "The fact is," she continued, "the American language changes on an aver? age every half year. When Ralph taught von he was correct according to his lights." "Electric lights," Tom remarked. "But he had been away from home some months," Evvy continued, with a look that squelched her fiance, "and during his absence the language under? went a change." "Precisely," stuck in Jardine. "Tho English he taught you is now no longer elegant-is only used by ordinary peo? ple." There was a leap from the sofa. "Yes, yes," cried Ralph, "that's the racket. That's what made me sick the thought that I had taught you wrong." "My angel," murmured Marie, "zey only have ze dead wood on us." But the marquis was overspread with gloom. "I am ver disappoint," he said, with a shrug of the shoulders, "zat ve know ? only ze faulty E-english. But les con? venances" "Oh, we will soon rectify all faults,'* interposed Mrs. Cathcart, "only tonight you had better use the French-you and | my charming Marie-every word. To- ! morrow we will all of ns begin to show ! you the coreect English." "Merci, madame!" laughed Marie. "Ve viii catch on. Ve are not ze slouch, j cher papa." "Ve viii not get left," returned the J marquis, only conventionally cheerful, j "Yet it vas Ralph's kind heart vat mek | him seek. He is as 'good as zey make i 'em,' as Emerson say. You are mon fils, ? Ralph! Marie, give Ralph your hand to i kiss!" "But the balir hastily said Mrs. 1 Cathcart. "Ah, ve viii have ze dandy lime," j Marie cried heartily, clutching Ralph's ! arm. 1 ..Bui, in French-in French," Evvy said earnestly, "every word m r renca. "Ve viii get zare all ze same, Mees Evvy," tenderly said Marie. "Ve viii all get zare," cried the mar? quis gallantl" . "ze whole caboodle of us, as Benjamin Franklin remark, Dust! Marchou!" And so they went to the ball. THE END. A Newspaper Critic. It is certain that journalism has no severer critics than some of those who are found in its O\YD ranks. The other day a man who works on an evening sheet was asked something about an ar? ticle that had appeared in that paper. He knew nothing about it. "What!" said his questioner, "don't you read your own newspaper?" "Read my own pa? per!" he answered scornfully, "that re? minds me of the story of Blobbs and Jinks, you know. They were Bohemians and had got dreadfully run down. One day Blobbs went into a horribly cheap restaurant and sat down at a table to or? der a meal, when up rushed Jinks in a waiter's apron to get his order. Blobbs was struck nearly dumb, but he man? aged to blurt out, 'Good heavens, Jinks! you don't mean to tell me'- Jinks looked at him very loftily. 'I wait here,' said he, in a crushing tone, 'but 1 don't eat here!'" The inquirer was left to make his own application of the story. He had no difficulty in doing so.-Bos? ton Transcript. Retelling a Bright Remark. We heard a friend speak cf a little episode in the W. C. T. U. meetings when Miss Willard, the president, was presented with an acre of land on Mount Desert, state <?f Maine, and upon receiv? ing the gift thanked the W. C. T. ?. and the Maine-iacs who were so gen? erous. Our friend remarked, "Miss Wil? lard was ve? y happy in her reply, and expressed her gratitude to the W. C. T. U. and the ot'ier lunatics who so kindly remembered her."-Congregationalist. A Duty for Every City Woman. The physician who attended the re? cent fatal outbreak of diphtheria in a prominent New York family in his pub? lished intern ew opens up serious possi? bilities. He is a specialist in the dis? ease, and he is quoted as saying that he often sees a siphon of seltzer standing in a room where he is visiting a patient prostrated with the malady. ?Such si? phon, he declares in substance, unless most carefully and antiseptically cleansed, will convey infection to sub? sequent users. And everybody knows what the cleansing of public bottles is apt to be. The same objection has been urged against our present system of traveling milk vessels. So accepted is this that, when typhoid fever specially prevails, physicians frequently urge persons to boil all milk used as well as water. It would be a wise thing if the women of our cities should co-operate to at? tempt to reduce the evil. If inspectors visited bottle was liing places it is sus? pected some valuably unpleasant infor? mation might be gained. In the mean? time, every housekeeper can make it her conscientious duty to see that the bot? tles which daily leave her domain are untainted and wholly clean. This will need inspection, as the best of maids get careless in a duty oft performed. If there is illness in the house redouble your vigilance and be rewarded with the refacci?n that in this respect at least the sin of contributing to your neigh? bor's menace does not He at your door. Her Point of View in New York Times. Family Criticism. If a man's foes are those of his own household, certainly a woman's severest critics are to be found there also. Few of us realize how surely our words and actions are being weighed and measured by the observers, large and small, who surround ns. We are unconscious of the judgments passed, because 1 boy are usually silent ones. When the}' happen to be spoken out instead of only thought we are taken aback and sometimes ap? palled at the arraignment and sentence of which we had been entirely unaware. . it is the privilege of the family critic to be ruthlessly frank. Politeness is unnecessary, and consideration for the feelings of the condemned one ridicu? lously inappropriate. The strictures are given carelessly and freely, and offense I at the plain speaking is a contingency never imagined. "lt is only Jennie; she always says what she thinks." "No one minds Will: he always speaks ont." "One's family, of course, may scry anything." And why, pray? Children are tb.? most terrible of fam? ily critics. They see so straight. Your "no" to them means "no," and your "yes," "yes." You cannot deceive them with half truths or by a juggle of words. They cut through your subterfuge and convict 3'ou at once. Their straightfor? ward simplicity makes }*on ashamed of your falsehood.-Harper's Bazar. Valuable Deposit. One of the most remarkable of all de? posits of silver is at the Broken Hill mines in Australia. At that place the precious metal is found lying in an enor? mous lode. It has been suggested by Mr. George Sutherland that this great deposit of silver was left by a large salt lake that htis now disappeared, but tracks of whose former existence are clearly to be seen. According to this interesting theory, the salt lake was formed of imprisoned ocean water, a large quantity of which was caught in a basin between ranges of hills when Australia was lifted out of tho sea. This water gradually leaked and was evaporated away, leaving de? posits of the mineral and other matter that it had held in solution. if this view is correct, the great store of silver at Broken Hill is a rich gift be? stowed by the sea upon the land: but man bas discovered the precious deposit, anti seized it in hts capacity of the lord of the eartV.-Youth's Companion. Wliy a Hine Ruse Is Impossible. A iiorist makes the assertion that a I blue rose is among the impossibilities, ! but, while an explanation of this euri- | 1 ons fact may be equally impossible, he ! 1 fails to mention a very interesting law i t which governs the colorings of all ; j flowers. A knowledge of this law would j 1 save many flower growers hours of un- j availing and foolish hope. The law is j simply this: The three colors-red, blue j 3 and yellow-never all appear in t he same j ? species of flowers; any two may exist, i but never the third. Tims we have the ! red and yellow roses, but no blue: red s and bine verbenas, but no yellow: yel- j 1 low and blue in the various members of | ' the viola family (as pansies, for in- ? ' stance), but no red: red and yellow j j gladi Iii. but no blue, and so on.-St. j Louis Republic. ? : 1 : J The Pimpernel. , The common pimpernel "poor man's < weather glass,*" has tl iisadvantage 1 of being a native y laut cid has been ai- ' most completely expencu worn, mir flower gardens in favor <*f exoticsv which are rarer bnt lack uincb of being a* pretty. The pimpernel is a clinnnrng^ little flower, which opens aboot 8 in the morning and closes Late in the afternoon,, bnt has the remarkable pecnJoarity of indicating a coming shower by shutting: np its petals. For this reason, if fw n<> other, it deserves enconragement. anti would appropriately take the place of some of the ugly tulips and other im? ported Howers now so popular.-ti-L Louis G2obe-Denux'rat. Invention of the Fire fvnginev Toward the close of the Seventceni'i centuiy M. Dnpenier in France. Herr Leupold in Germany and Mr. Newsham m Englind introduced almost simul? taneously fire engines having an air chamber, which rendered the stream of water continuous and uniform. In ad? dition to this these engines were equipped with flexible leather hex?, in? vented by Jan Van der Heide and bis? brother, and which was first put into practical use in Amsterdam in the year 1072.-Detroit Free Press. A Terrible Insect? A sailor on a coasting vessel which plies between Galveston and ports on the gulf has some very interesting spec? imens which he secured while on the coast of Yucatan. Among them is a large jar filled with enormous spiders? which he says are looked upon with greatest fear by the Indians of the cen? tral portion of that country, and. which are undoubtedly the largest ever seen. The body of the spider fe fully five inches in diameter and the legs are short and thick, being especially adapted to running and climbing. They aro about two inches long and are as big around as an ordinary lead pencil. Tho animal is of a grayish brown color, but is most peculiarly marked by deep red bands, which cross its body, extending clear around diagonally from shoulder to hip, crossing each other at the middle of the back and the center of the belly. The fierceness of the insect and tho marking on the back have indueed the Indians to name it the "Devil's Soldier,** lind they say that it is undoubtedly th? worst foe to man in that whole country, making it almost impossible for any ono to go into the interior, for it abounds in such numbers that no place is free from it, and its bite is certain death. Only one instance is known to Indians where a man has been bitten and did not die, and this man was wildly insano ever afterward. The spider makes its home among the rocks, and when any? thing approaches it rushes boldly out and makes an attack so fiercely that it is almost impossible to escape it. It runs with great rapidity and climbs sticks and trees as easily as if it were on the ground.-Atlanta Constitution. 31any Pretty Bed Coverings. There arc, and probably always will be, many who prefer the all white bed. and for these many pretty bed coverings are provided. Linen shams, with bor? ders of elaborate drawn work, are used with plain white Marseilles spreads. An? tique lace of firm, fine texture is always suitable and makes a dressy bed, used either over white or some delicate color. The figured China and India silks used during the last year or two are also still in favor for bed and bolster coverings, but a newer material for this purpose is the Hollywood sheeting, a fancy double width material of soft, cream-white cot? ton, whose rough surface is exceedingly effective when wrought with the simple, showy patterns employed for this work. A very handsome one designed for a white and gold guestchamber has a con? ventional pattern scattered over it. worked in shades of yellow and brown. The pattern is first outlined with a long chain stitch, the loaves and shadings marked, then the intervening spaces filled with a simple filling stitch, which is very rapidly done and is yet exceed? ingly showy. The spread extends over the pillows, and a band of colored rib? bon, matching one of the lightest shades of silk, is passed across the bed just be? low the pillows and tied in a handsome bow.-Chicago Herald. Characteristics of Hungarian Women. The Hungarian woman likes to eat well, takes naturally to Gwimming, danc? ing, gymnastics, and has not the least objection .to being admired. Although not specially inclined to sentimental ef? fusiveness, in one sense of the tenn, sho may, in moments of love and passion, give a profoundly stirring expression to her emotions; she may clothe her senti? ment in words of enrapturing naivote, drawn from the depths of the national temperament, if it does not find utter? ance in the all expressive ..jai." whis? pered in the acme of ecstasy, accom? panied by an ineffably blissful glance. This is true of the so called girls of the people no less than of women of the higher classes, for grace and beauty know no difference between high and low. and often Ivestow upon a poor, barefooted, short skirted peasant girl (with her face in a kerchief tied under the chin) the same enchanting form, the same magically attractive glance, as upon her more favored sister.-Wilhelm Singer iu Harper's. The Origin of a P?moa? Tree. In the famous West Philadelphia Bar? tram Botanical gardens there flourishes an enormous Florida swamp cedar, the trunk of which is fully six feet in di? ameter. This tree was planted under very peculiar circumstances, well worthy of narration. One day, many years ago, the great Bartram was riding through the state of marshes and alligators, and the beast he bestrode was a very Boci? nante. So. to accelerate his journey, ho dismounted at a neighboring swamp and cut a switch, with which he belabored to good effect the lean and hungry steed. The switch did such good service upon this occasion that he presorved it, and upon his return to Philadelphia planted it in his garden, and the huge swamp cedar is the switch.- Philadelphia Re? cord. Bncklen'a Arnica Salve. Tbe BP?: Salve in the world far Cuts, BruiVs Sores. Ulcer*, Salt Rheum. Fever Sores, Tetter, Chapped Hands Chilblains. Corns and all Skin Emptions, and positively cures Pile?, or io pay required. It is guaranteed to give per 'ect satisfactiun, or money refundod. Pr ?re J? cents per box. For sale by J. F. W. De? forme, o Merit Wins. We desire to say to our citizen?, that for rears we have been selling I>r. King's Ne? Discovery f?r Consumption. Dr. King's New Life l'?'s. Buck'.en's Arnica Salve and Electric [Jitter* and have never handled remedies that ;ell as well, or that have given such universal satisfaction. We do n<>t hesitate to guarantee hem every time, and we stand ready t?> refund he purchase price, if satisfactory results do nat '?How their use. These remedies ht ve won their rreat popularity purely on their merit?. J F' IV. Dc Lorine, Druggist. I For Over Fifty Years. Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup has Keen ised for children teething. It soothes tb? .hild, softens the cums, allays al) pain, cares irind colic, ?nd ? thr hp<t retnfdy fof Diarrhoea. T\vtut;-?.t arnie a oolll?.