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www VOLUME III. -A-n Independent 3E?apev Devoted to the Interests >>?*' tlie t?eopl ORANGEBURG, SOUTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 1874. NUMBER 33. f.r... THAMES VALLEY BONNETS. DX DANTE Q. ?088ETXI. WINTER. How largo that thrush looks on tbo baro thorn-trool A swarm of such, throe llttlo months ago, Hid hidden In the leaves and lot nono know Bavo by tho outburot of their mlnstrolsv. A white flake horo and thoro?a snow-lily Of last night's frost?our naked flowor-bods horn, And for a rsse-flower on the darkeulog mould Tho hungry readbrcast gleams. No bloom, no boo. The current shudders*to Its Ice-bound sedge t Hipped in tholr bath, tho Btark roods ono by ono Flash each its clinging diamond In tho sun, 'Neatn winds whion for thla winter's covaragu plodgo Bhall curb groat king-masts to tho oeean'a edgo And loavo memorial forest-kings o'orihrown. SPRING. Soft-Httcrcd 1? the new-year's lamblng-Iold, And In tho hollowed haystack at its side The shopherd hos o'ulght now, wakoful-oycd At tho owes' travailing call through tho dark cold. The young rooks oheop 'mid tho thick caw o tho old; , Aud near unpeopled Btream-aldoji, on the ground, Dy hor apring-cry the moor-hen'a neat la found, Wheio tho drained flood-lands Haunt their marl gold. OhUl are tho gusts to whloh tho pastures oowor. And chill tho current whoro tho young reads stand As grrcn and eloss as tho young wheat on land; Yet hero the cuckoo and tho cuckoo-flowor Plight to tho heart spring's perfect lmmlnonl hour. Whoso breath shall Booth you Uko your dear ono s . hand. ' THE PRACTICAL JOKE. "It will be jolly good fan," said Tom Hurd, laughing vooiferously, "jolly good fan. It's capital to play a joke on a green follow like that, he takes it in BO." Tom Hurd was tho praotioal joker of the school. Praotioal jokes wero hia joy, and now he had concocted one that was to cap the climax and make him a shining light among the fun-loving boys. Pale, little Jaok Bedburn, whose mother was a clergyman's widow, who loved her only child with an absorbing tender ness, which he returned in a way few of the great boys could understand, was to be the victim. Harry Pratt was going to New York, where the mother lived, and Tom Hurd had instructed him to send a telegram to Jaok, to the oaro of Professor Law ton, bearing these terrible word : " Your mother is dead, dome home." Yes, and Tom had given Harry the money for this telegram and had written it out foi him. "It will kill two birds with one stone," said Tom. " Fancy Jaok and the professor going off together in the gig, and finding the old woman ? alive and jolly I Well have a half-holiday, too, and that's worth while, and nobody can catch us as I have managed it. It's I'oily fun 1 And to see how they'll come >aok after it! Old Lawton furious and little Jaok full of the story?ha, ha 1 It will be fun 1" "But it will scare him bo," said one small boy. " You hold your tongue," said Tom. "What's tho fun of the joko if it didn't?" ' And bo Harry pooketed the telegram and bidding good-bye to his friends, departed. It was noon, next day. Tho boys were playing in the school yard. Little Jack sat perched upon the gate looking out along the road. He was talking to ilia chum, Will Sparrow, "Six weeks to vacation," he said, " and then I shall have six more with mamma. I shall go out with hor to bgo things, and in tho evening she will take me in her lap as if I were a baby. I love to be mamma's baby still. It is nice?nothing is so nioe as that, thongh the boys laugh at me for it. Woll, what can that bo driving bo fast? If it should be mamma come to Bee mo !" Ho jumped down from the gate post' and ran out into the road; but the vehicle that approached held only one young man. It was the telegraph mes senger ; thoy all know him. He asked for Professur Lawton, and stood wait ing for his ooming with a grave counte nance. When he came he whispered something in his ear, before he handed him a largo yellow envelope. "It's our telegram," whispered Tom. " Now for fun." - Professor Lawton took tho message with a countenance full of t rouble. He walked into hi? study, and in a minute more Mrs. Lawton came out into the garden, and approaching little Jack took him by tho hand and led him into the hon so. "We'll see tho gig brought out soon," said Tom. " It's working finely." Tho jokers grouped about tho porch. Ono or two looked very muoh scared, bat'Tom was in high foather. They listened, but heard no sound for a long time. Then thero nroso a faint, long drawn monn. A woman's soream fol lowed it. Then came silence. Tom stopped laughing. Ono of tho boys began to ory. All felt a strange terror come over them. In a moment more tho study door burnt, open and Mis. Lawton appeared. "One of you boys?Tom Hurd, you," she cried, "yon aro tho largest?run for Dr. Blair. Don't let him lose a moment. Bun." " What has happened ?" asked Tom. "Don't stop to ask questions. Go," cried Mrs. Lawton. And Tom, without his hat, started off. It was a long run to the doctor's, and ho was breathless when ho reached tho door. He could not talk to the doctor ns ho drove baok in hi? qig ; ha oonld only say something dreadful must have happened. And when the dootor hurried into the professor'fl study he waited outaide, trombling and trying in vain to hear what was going on. Mr. Barker, tho assistant, oamo around tho house after awhile, and said thero would bo no Kf?hool that after noon, and t lint tho boys must make no noise whatever. ' Tho praotieal jokers bad no wish to do so. Thoy Bat silontly on tho porch, until at last tho study door reopened and the doctor oamo oat, with the pro fessor following him. "It is a terrible thing," he Bald, slowly; "terrible. I have known sud den shocks to. produce death' very of ten, whon the heart was offeoted. Ah, dear me!" "Please sir," cried a dozen boys' voices at once, " won't you tell us what has happened?" " That telegram was from poor Jack Bedburn'B home," eaid the professor. " His mother is dead. He was a deli cate boy, and tho doctor says?" "Ah, yeBl" said the dootor. "Yes, yes?dropped dead at once, didn't he poor fellow?" " Dead 1" cried the boys. "Dead 1" cried Tom Hurd. " Ob, dootor 1 dootor 1 no, no, no 1 Savo him ! save him 1 It's a joke?a wicked joke. His mother is alive. I sent the telegram. Tell him that; it will bring him to. Tell him ! tell bim 1" " Dead people can't be brought to," cried tho doctor. "Are you speaking the truth?" " Oh, yes," cried Tom, groveling in the dust. " Oh, yes. Oh, God forgive me! Will I be hung? O try to save him, dootor I" " Thomas Hurd," oried the professor,. " staud up; don't grovel there. Do yon mean all this? Did you really send a lying message to a widow's only son to tell him she was dead?" " Yea, sir," said Tom. " Oh, I am bo sorry. I wish I was dead. Oan't some thing be done ? He may not be quite gono. Oh, pray, pray, try." "Why did you do snoh a thing as this?" asked the dootor. " Only for fun," answered Tom. " Do you think it fun now ?" asked the dootor. " I'm a murderer!" said Tom. " Oh, hang me 1 hang me 1" ". Do you think the law would allow us to do it, dootor ?" asked the profes sor. "I should like very much to risk it." "Please do," said Tom, seriously. He dropped on tho steps as ho spoke, and, lying on his face, began to moan: "I've killed him! I've killed him I I've killed him !" in a way that was terrible to hear. The professor looked at the dootor. He slipped book and opened the doer, and out ran a little Blender figure, that knelt down by Tom, and whispered ; " Don't go on so, Tom; I'm aUve." Tom lifted up his head, and saw little Jaok Bedburn, and gave a scream, and oanght him in his arms, crying : " Oh, he's alive ! he's alive 1 he's alive I" over and over again. ~ " YeB, he's alive," said the professor ; " and, Tom, your telegram was never sent at all. I caught Harry Pratt at his triok and dragged a confession from him; and I arranged that a message about nothing should be Bent through the telegraph, in order that yon might see it arrive. The dootor was in the plot, and if any one has been the victim of a joke, it is you." " But, young man," said the doctor, "if it had been sent, that message of yours, it might have ended in a very tragic way. It ia evident yon don't know how strong a boy's love for his I mother may be, or you would not have I fanoied it a joke to uao it as a means of torture ; and yon do not know how dan geroua such a shook might be to any one, especially to a delioate little follow like that" ",It was very cruel," said Jack ; " but I guess you didn't think, or yon wouldn't have done it." Tom had risen, wiping his oyes. " I am so thankful, that I don't caro what happens to me," he said, " I de serve what I've got, and I certainly shall never play a practical joke on any one again as long as I live!" And Tom kopt hin word. Zouaves. In my account of tho roviow hold by Marshal MaoMahon last month I ro markod on the absence of the Zouaves. I wasn: t then aware that thero wero no longer any in France. Since tho war they have roturned to their original du ties, whioh were those of colonial troops. Tho empire inportod them into Franco as it did the Turcos?those Se poys of Algeria. When these corps wero introduced .into tho imperial guard it became necessary to have re serves to koep np their strongth, and bo lino regiments of Zouaves wore brought into French garrisons to serve as a nur Bory for the Zouaves of tho guard. The late war did a good deal to dissipate the exaggerated prestige of thoBe semi oriental troops. As for the Turcos, af ter Forbaoh and Woerlh they were re dncod to a handful. Their European drill and discipline made them formi dable to the Arabs, und their desperate valor and ferocity rendered them ugly opponents even to rogala? soldiers. But thoir value was greatly diminished by tho introduction of long-ran^'e rifles. Exoollent skirmishors, thoir oat-liko agility aud speed and ft rooious onset also made them terriblo in a bayonet attack when, regardless of death, they charged home to break a lino or square. But when such charges are to be made upon troops carryiug rifles that kill at a thousand yards, and ilro six times in a minute, tho chief utility of tho half savago Turcos waa gono. It wos un likely that either he or tho Zouaves will again bo soon figuring in a European war.?Paris Letter. ?"Soo," said a sorrowing wife, " how peaceful the oat and dog are." " Yes," said tho petulant husband, "but just tio them together and then see how tho fur will fly."_ ?A Pennsylvania baby is said to have inherited the eyos and noso of his father but tho cheek of his undo, who is an insurance agent. NOTES OITENOLAND. Kncy American Oritla.no on KnglUh HI mm era". ,?: tJ.; Kate Field writes in her " Bepubli ean notes on England"' in the St. Louis ! Bepnblican " Now it is perfectly I true that many Americans are exceed ingly careless in their speech. They do talk through their noBes; but it is also ??5 that this dtesdul habit is an English inheritance and not a matter of climate. The native American's voice is guttural. It was our pilgrim fathers who brought over the wnihe known in England as 'Suffolk sing ing,' which to-day,, though banished from London salons, may do heard in the counties of Norfolk, Suffolk, Essex, and Cambridge.1 If our ancestors who named Massachusetts counties after their old homes had good ears for mu sio they would have left their noses be hind them, and their descendants would not now bo twanging through lifo to the disgust of England's aristocracy. Now nasality Ins so permeated the atmos Shero of New England that its people o not realize the affront they put upon their own vocal organs. Yet in spite of hereditary taint, the most musical Eng lish in the world is spoken by cultivated Bostoninns. This fact upsets the theory of climate ; so too does the other fact that New England produces a similarly rich contralto singing voice of which that consummate artist Adelaide Phil lips, her sister Matilda Phillips, who is now winning laurels in Italy, Annie Louise Gary, and Antoinette Sterling are ever notable examples. Tho Puri tans are not alone to blame for tho de? foots in our speech. Tho negro has been our bane in more than one res peot, and southerners drawl and flatten their vowels because their sable nurses did so before them. Nevertheless, the onltured southern planter will often speak English without the slightest ac cent. Paritan and negro have spread over the continent their vocal peculiar ities, and until. parents appreciate that most excellent thing in man or woman, a sonorous voice, and rear their children carefully, Americano will suffer under tho imputation of being the worst toned people. I was first startled by the absence of what can only be expressed by the French word complaisance. American politeness is more nearly modelled upon French than English manner. . The aim of an American in decent society is to give as little offence as possible, to say pleasant things even at the expense of unvarnished truth, and to place himself, as well as those with whom he converses, in the most agreeable light. The. typi cal Englishman indulges in no nuoh sen timentality. There is much more of the brute about him. He makes no effort to please, but if you please him he will bask in that pleasure as a lizard basks in sunshine, and once your friend can be relied upon. He delights in ohaff. American society had rather tell a pleas ant .lie than an unpleasant truth. In England the natural and universal im pulse?with exceptions, bo it under stood?is to say whatever comes upper most, especially if it be something dis agreeable. Yet the expression is so unoonsoions as to leave no poison in the sting. The greatest grievance English society nurses against us is what it calls Americanisms. That forty millions of people should dare to invent words fills John Ball with unspeakable horror. Our audacity in thus defiling the well of English is only equalled by our vul garity of tone, all Americans, according to John Ball, speaking with a nasal twang. "Yes, all Americans, you ex cepted," exolaimed a very clever and big hearted Englishman ono evening while entertaining me at his own table, " all Americans have a dreadful twang. They all talk through their noses." This gentleman had a very decided nasal tone. " Perfectly true," chimed in ono after another, all good-naturedly, but all in earnest. One generation oan undo tho evil of 250 years. As for knowing anything about us, apart from our always being rioh and always talking through our noses, of course tho majority of the English upper classes do not; and when it comes to geography 1 "Know any thing of American googrnphy 1 of course wo don't," exolaimod a brilliant mem ber of the commons. "Why is it not rooorded that in the last war between England and Amorioa our government sent out water lor our fleets iu the great lakes, in complete ignorance of the fact that the water of these lakes isfrrish? Apart from the few English men who have traveled in your country, j I assure yon that onr knowledge is con fined to a faint peroaption of tue exist ence of Now York and Boston. But then we are not too well studied in any geography. I'll wager that beforo tho war with BusBia few Englishman know whoro tho Crimea was. Is not this a safe wnger, Lady Blank ? " " I am Biiro it is," j eplied onr hostess; " r-von now / don't know whoro it is." "Not long iiice I oalled en the Duke of Argylo, the secretary lor India," snid a distinguised Indian to mo. " Tho dnke*bears himself with graoious dig nity and reoeived me most courteously. There wan a map of India hanging up in tho room to which tho duko turnod, and, pointing to a large desert, asked me what bos it wan! This, from the Indian seorotary, struck mo as amaz ing." I should think so. But though tho English know not one state from another, though I have been asked whother there wore not many Indians in tho vioinity of Boston, though an in telligent travelor like Edmund Dicey doolnros that wo have no singing birds, that all Americans have long neoks ana no Americans havo ourly hair, thero is ono oitv on this continent with whioh ovdry Englishman ia familiar, and that is Chioago. Tho great Are advertised Chicago on tho banks of the Ganges, and gave it a European prestige that'too other Amorioan city nan rival, 'unless it suoooeds in being totally destroyed by sprue devouring element. Actors and Auditors. A singular nkaso of the" theatrical 'ex istence is the passionate 'fondness evinced by: rnembexs qf; that calling,,for attending. entortaihmonts thomselves. Apostles of most olhor* prof?Bsitfns a'ffd traden gl adly sink the, ahop when they; are fairly out of it. Tho lawyer off duty does not ireq?ent tho courts. Tho ed itor is not continually hanging around other ofHoes, when not confined .iu bja; own. Doctors do not rest themselves by visiting tho pationts of other doctors.' But tho aotor or actress, of high or, low degree, when not directly busied on, the glaring side of tho footlights, is euro'to'' be found in the auditorium. Tho mo;;t persistent theatre-goers iu tho world/Ore, theatrical people. ' ' > Mrs. Chanfrau reached Chicago one afternoon last (week.. She bad traveled straight, through from Now Yprk^> and,, after a twenty-four hours' rest, ' was to push on to San Francisco. B?t she. was one of MoVickcr's audience that night, and sat tho play through. Her business manager passed ail of tho same evening at the Academy. Mr. and Mrs. Edwin Adams arrived in that oity threo or four days before that gentleman's engage^ inent was to begin. They attended the' theatres every,night and matinee, and wero among the most eager and atten tive of the spectators. It is so always, everywhere. The Wife i of a theatrical manager may.be seen in the audience night after night, month in and month out. A shoemaker's wife docs not foliow her liege' ? to his shop every, day.! Clergymen'* wives are not regular companions of their husbands on pastoral calls?it might bo prudonfc if they were. The actor of a regular company, when not oast for duty, can invariably be Been in the - front of i the house or that of a rival establishment. And the puzzle of it all is, they grow as excited, often, over the fortunes- of the players as.the greenest of the auditors. They guffaw with the comedian, scowl with tho villain, and rub away a sheep ish tear or two at the. woes- of.the dis tracted maiden. One would think that the work on the stage would seem the dreariest of routine to thorn, but it does not, else are they better actors when loosing at a play than when per forming in it. Notablo performers never lose an op portunity of witnessing their great co temporaries. Booth is a frequent vis itor to tho theatre when Fe cht er and Adams play. Mrs. Bowers chases after Charlotte Gashman every chance she can get. Salvini was an earnest student of Booth's Ingo in Baltimore, and ap plauded unstintedly. Indeed, the most lavish, as well as tho most dis criminating of applause comes from professional actors and actresses in the audience. The numbskulls who are always rattling their brogans and per cussing their paws inopportunely, are never members of the dramatic or oper atic calling. You do not hear actors haw haw when Joo Jefferson, in plaintive broken English, wonders if dero is anybody alive round here ?" Clara lionise Kellogg waits until her sister song-bird Jhas finished her aria before breaking in with applause. This love of attending plaoes of amusement, on the part of amusement people, is one of the best proofs of the ?ermanent attraotiveness of the stage. !hey never tire of a seat in the and i - j ence, fully as tliey understand the un reality of ail that is enaoting on the boards. How, then, oan the casual theatre-frequenters ever weary of the entertainments which, to them, have so much of voritability ? Critics may af fect blase, and wonder at tho verdancy whioh can eternally accept tho crude sham as real. But what are they going to do with the life-long disciples of the calling, who make as enthusiastic spec tators as the rawost bumpkin in tho audience? The Beal Chinaman. Brot Harte, in describing a Chinaman in a skotoh in Soribuor's, says : " I want the average reader to disohargo from his mind any idea of a Chinaman that he may have gathered from the pantomime. Ho did not wear beantifui'v soollopod drawers fringed with little bells?I never met a Chinaman who did ; he did not i habitually carry his forefinger extended before him at right angles with his body, nor did I over hear him utter the mysterious sentence, 'Ohing a ring a ring chaw.' nor dance under any provo cation. Ho was, on the whole, a rather gravo, decorous, handsome gentleman. His complexion, which extended all over his head, oxoept whero his long pig-tail grow, was like a very niue pieoe of glazod brown paper muslin. His eyes were bbok and bright and his oye lids set at an angle of forty-live degrees; his nose straight and delioately formed ; his mouth small aud his teeth white and clean. Ho woro a dark blno silk blouse, and iu the streets, on oold days, a short jacket of astrakhan fur. Ho woro also a pair of drawers of blue brooado gath ered tightly ovor his calves and ankles, 1 offering a genoral sort of suggest ion that ho had forgotten his tronsors that morn ing, bnt that, bo gentlemanly wore bis manners, his friends had forborne to mention the fact to him. His manner was urbane, although qnito Berions. He spoko Frenoh and English fluently. Iu briof, I doubt if you could have found tho equal of this pagan shopkeeper among tho Christian tradors of San Frf?noi?oo."_ ?A Franoh Boidntist claims to hovo discovered an inneot whioh makes its homo in the middle of cigars. OLD ROBBUM^THE BEAU. What Col. BpcurltS linotorsi About this lUa Sorto Individual. From a Rout horn Paper. Noticing in the columns of the Sun Enquirer, a few days ago, an artiolo from Maj. Calhoun, m which allusion i? made to Col. W. H. Sparks, of New Or leans] now in this city, as the author - of this well known and popular old song. I called his attention to it. The follow ing letter is in reply to my inquiry, Col. Sparks is, perhaps, as well if not hotter known than any other man of tho old regime of aristocracy and wealth, for ??vhich the1 great southwest became ho famous anterior to the war. He is itho author of. a highly-interesting book entitled " Memories of Fifty Years." The colonel is now over seventy-five -years of ; age; but still retains his health, constitutional vigor, and great mental strength' to a remarkable degree. He numbered as his personal associates and companions of the long ago such gersonages as Danial Webster, Calhoun, fen. Jackson, John Bell, Slidell, ana most, of the. statesmen of note who flourished in those times. In conversa tional powers the colonel is unsurpassed, and his familiarity and acquaintance with.all the prominent men and public incidents of a half century baok make his Society! really charming. . Ho, to gether with his excellent and talented lady,,have been spending the summer at the Kimball' House, and the two have been the center of great attraction for the nnmbor of intelligent guests who daily throng ita parlors.' But I give you Ool. Sparks' own word?, together with the original " Eos sum the Beau :" Atoakta, Ga., Aug. 21,1874. Mb. W. H. Moobb : My Dear Sir? I am obliged to you for the little para graph from the Columbus paper as cribing to mo the authorship of this song, once so popular throughout the country. It is very true, I wrote the lines I send you, and they are the first that were ever sung to the air which became famous. I will give yon a brief history of. tho writing, snd of the man who inspired them. When I first went to the "west,' in 182(5,1 was some time in selecting a domioilo. j. Why?it is not necessary for me to state, as. the reason and causes ?for delay will form a theme for a chap tor in the second volume of the " Mem ories of Fifty Years." Finally I looated in Mississippi and commenced the practice of law. It was in 1 he midst of the noblest-race of peo ple I have ever known. Amongst these were two equally remarkable* but very unlike. One was a schoolmaster who was quite old, and who had been teach ing in that, neighborhood over forty years. His name was James Bossnm. He was peculiar in his habits. On Monday morning, neatly dressed and cleanly shaven, he went to his duties in the old school-house, where two-thirds of his life had been spent, and assidu ously devoted himself to the duties of his vocation until Friday evening. On Saturday morning he arrayed himself in his best, and devoted the day in vis iting the ladies of the neighborhood. He was a welcome guest at every house. This habit had continued so long that ho had acquired the sobriquet of " Bossnm, the Beau." The other's name was Oox, who was a rollicking good fel low, and the best vocalist I ever knew. Ho was in Bong what Prentiss was in oratory, and they were boon compan ions. Both died young. Oox waa frequently at my offloe, and upon one occasion while he was there Bossnm walked by tho door, and his age was apparent in his walk. Cox looked at him. and after a pause turned to mo and remarked in quite a feeling tone, which ho could assume at pleas ure, and its eloquence was indescrib able : " Poor old Bossnm 1 some of these sunny mornings he will be found "dead, whon he shall have a noble funeral, and all the ladies will honor it with be ing present, I know." Soon after he left the office, and be ing in the humor I seized the ideaa and wrote tho following doggerel lines. Soon after Oox returned, and I handed them to him. He got up, walked and hummed different airs, until he fell upon the old Methodist hymn tune, in whioh they have ever since been sung. I have always considered Oox more entitled to the authorshp of the song than myself. Hundreds of lines have been written to the air, by as many persons, and almost as many have claimed the au thorship of the lines; but thin is of no moment. I claim no merit for my lines, but everything for Oox's singing them. I have seen him draw tears from tho eyes of the old and the young: Now, noon, on aomo soft, sunny morning, Tho first thing my neighbors nhall know, Their oars bIi&U bo mot with tho warning? Gomo bury old Roaaum, tho bean. Mv frionda then so neatly Bhall droas me In linen as white as the enow ? And in my now coffin Bhall proas mo, And whiflper: Poor Roaaum, tho beau. And whon I'm to bo hnriod, I reckon, Tim Indien will all like to go; Lot them form at tho foot of my coffin, And follow old Roaanm, the beau. Thon take yon a dozon good followa, And lot them all staggering go; And dig a deep holo in the meadow, And in it 1ess Rosbutu, the bean. Thon ahapo out a oonpla of dorniokn, Pisco one at the head and tho toe; And do not fail to ?cratoh on it? Horo liea old Rosaum, tho beau. Then take you thoao dozen good followa, And stand them all round in a row; And drink out of a big-bellied bottle, Farowoll to old Rosaum. tho boau. , W. H. SPARKS. ?A Now York dootor figures it out that an averago woman will shed a bar rel ofitearfl^in forty years, FACTS AND FANCIES., tun I t ?The wicked flea, " It ain't bo much1H ?Of a mi?erly man who died 'of 'Abfte'^l eningof the brain, a local, paper said:,;x "His head gave way, but his * never did. His brain softened, buplr his heart oouldn't." > ml ?.? vinx?i< ?"Can yon do the landlord in tho 'Lady of Lyons?'" said a manager, t? a seodly actor. "I should think I might," was the answer, "I have dob**' a great many landlords." , nfvrTi ?Boys w?l be boys. At Altor^[ia.nn a proaoher asked all . 8 unnay school scholars to stand up who intended W>v visit the wicked, soul-destroying !OU*nn ons. All but a lamo girl, stood, up. t_>Wi3| ?An enterprising ? reporter in Arkan sas, who was lately sentenced W'tnfiJ* state prison for horse stealing,' applied t? to his employers to bo continued on tho journal as penitentiary correspondent. ? ?Tho Detroit Free Press j?a?"!,^71 just returned from Saratoga. He ssyafcjn " The Saratoga belles merely taste food.^ at the table, but fee the waiters to bring a square meal up the' back stairs." * fUrfa u ?A " three-card monte" expert is, re?;f| ported to havo. offered the directors of tho Union Pacific railroad a bonus JoT" $10,000 per annum for. the exclusive right to play his little game in. their? ? sleeping cars. - V . 1 J ?Little Johnnie is dead; but botoro' his spirit was waited to tho angels bo requested that n watermelon vino might be allowed to wander at will, over'his' green grave, that it might be a warning to future generations. ?'<?? itu ?" Pa, who is ? Many Voters ? " asked,. a young hopeful of his siris. "Don't ' know him, (my son; Why?" '"'Cos'!**' saw you Bignin' his name tothat 1 ottor , [ yon got the other night askin' you to run for alderman." "Sh-h-h, my Borira" here's a nickel; go and got Gomo candy." ?A Miss Bulkstraw, of St. Oswald's This is the sort Of thing Josoph used to; . send her during his five years' court ship:. ? 1 ?"'?? ? " I ask not if the world untold A falrer f orm than tbino, TrosRca mpro ridb. in glowing gold, Andeyeaof a sweeter ahlne. ' It ia enough for me to know . / .,<. Thou, too, art fair to eight: , , . That thou host looks of golden glow,-' ,,n3**i And eyea of playful light." ?A Kentucky crusader confessed tho > other day that she had kissed sixteen men, and thus drawn them from the in toxicating bowl. She gave the names - of the men, howover, and their wiven are now inquiring with much anxiety whether whisky drinking is as bad as it is generally supposed to be. ?The pounding of the stomach for the cure of dyspepsia was the cause of a good joke the other day. Two men [ were describing what they had'done to i cure themselves. " Do you knead your stomach ?" " I?I?oouldn't get along without it 1" responded the other, in the lost stage of astonishment. ?In one of the Cape towns a young scholar, the first day of school, was asked her name by the teacher, and re plied. Her father's name was the next -. question, and she did not know his first name. The teacher then asked her, "What does your mother call him?" "Yon Jackass," said the child. ?A miss, upon whose flaxen curls the suns of fourteen snmmors had shed their fervor, came home the other after noon, weeping as if her heart would ? break, and meeting a playmate, ex claimed, in a paroxysm of grief, " O, Dora, we were engaged to be married, and Charley's got the measles 1" ?A lady sitting in her parlor, and en- . gaged in the dreamy contemplation of the moustache of the young gentleman who was to escort her and her sister to a musical festival, was suddenly awak ened by an ominous whisper in a juven ile voice at the door, "You've got Ann's teeth, and she wants 'em." iY qw ?The cash sales of the grange co-op erative store at Los Angeles, Gal., . amounted to over $10,000 the first month. They act as middlemen for all farmers, both buying and selling. A new paper mill is to be started, tho cap ital to be furnished by the Grangers, and the water power donated by the oity. ?A gentleman of Lake George, after waving his handkorchief for half an hour or more at an unknown lady, whom he discovered at a distant point on the shore, was encouraged by a warm response to bin signals to ap proach his charmer.. Imagine his feel ings, when on drawing nearer he saw that it was his own dear wife whom he had left at tho hotel but a short time before. " Why, how remarkable wo should have recognized each other at suoh a distance?" exolaimed both in the same breath; and then they changed the subject. ?Bev. Dr. Onyler writes: Soy what we may of the rapid growth of our American towns, the monster strides of the British metropolis always over-; whelm mo. London now contains 3, 600,000 people I It almost equals Paris, New York and Brooklyn combined into one. Yon can drive fifteen miles on one of its diameters. When, in my col lcge-b\>y days, I once went out to pay my respects to Joanna Baillio, the emi nont authoress, who lived near Hamp stead Hill, I walked dear out of town and over open- fields. I am now stay ing at the hospitable Iiospg of our friend, the Bev. Newman Hall, who resides on the same Hampstead Hill, in the mid?t|of compactly-built street.".