The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, January 12, 1951, Image 7
:Y SUN. NEWBERRY. S. C.
—
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By Len Kleu
. More Respect Please
SUNNYSIDE ’
by Cforfc S. Hoot
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It sounds too good really to be
true, but my friend claims it did
happen.
He was lounging in this tavern,
watching television, of course, when
a man came up beside him.
••What'll it.be? the barkeep asked.
'‘Oh," the guy said, being coy
about It all, “tall, cold and full of
gin.'*
With that, a fellow one stool over
who had had maybe one too many
pulled himself erect.
“Sir,” he hiccuped, “I’ll have you
know you’re talking about the wom
an I love.”
THE OLD GAFFER
^ JESWICK, YOU'RE MY ONLY
BROTHER WHO NEVER MARRlEP.
*
i
I'VE BEEN KEEPING
COMPANY WITH MISS
RNCHlY FOR 56 YEARS.
WELL, ISNY IT
ABOUT TIME YOU
POPPED THE QUESTION?
By qiy Hunter
PRETTY LATE
Jt ^ ~
Q
I DID, BcrTSHE'S WAITING FOR
THE MORE-MATURE TYPE
TO COME ALONG/
MY BATH WATER
[& TOO HOT JUDVj
suck um
Funeral Director: ”How old are
you, sir?”
Aged Mourner: *Tm 98.”
Funeral Director: “Hardly worth
going home, is it?”
AND JEFF
I DON’T EXPECT PEOPLE
TO TIP ME, MUTT! IN FACT, I
DON'T APPROVE OF TIPPING,
BUT THAT ACTOR, BlGHAMM,
IS CHEAP/.
HES ALWAYS
ORDERING
ME AROUND
AND HE
THINKS HE’S
SOMEBODY/
look at; h/m NOW /
HE& WRITING ON
K . THE TABLECLOTH
0
THERE VtXJARE.MV MAN/
M/AUTOGRAPH! SOME
PEOPLE WOULD HAVE
THAT
EMBROIDERED/]
OH. THANK
YOU SIR/
By Bud Fiiher
Tll
I— inimni T
JITTER
JITTER IS SO HAPPY WITH THAT CHRISTMAS
tbdcy bear, that he wont urr it get,
outoehis swhtj———
COULD YOU
SPARS US A BITS’
Tto CW.LADY?
IMKRE A BIT
OONN ON
OUR LUCfC
By Arthur Pointer
t 5
/■
’mSm,
i .
Mili
By Bert Thomas
MAYBE WE'D BETTER 60
-A
51
-
UP
0 ONE THING I DON'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT ART
ts WHY YOU GUYS ALWAYS PAINT WINTER
SCENES IN SUMMER AND SUMMER PICTURES
IN THE WINTER. *
V/;.":-!-.-*.: • tf
%• i ■
OH, I THINK COLLEGE IS ABSOLUTELY
NECESSARy— UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU
MEET THE RIGHT MAN IN HIGH SCHOOL*
MORE PUNS
A man was ambling down the
main street of a small town when
a steam-roller ran over his cat.
He never said a word. He Just
stood there with a long puss.
He is also the man who pointed
out why a bird with one wing is
nothing like a bird with two
wings. It’s a difference, aa I’m
sore all of yon have guessed, of
a pinion.
Tour Loss, My Game
The recent meeting in New York
between Ernest Bevin and Andrei
Vishinsky found Bevin considerably
thinner than usual and Vishinsky
somewhat heavier, the story goes
4 *How thin you’ve got!” Vishinsky
affably exclaimed. “Twelve
pounds,” Bevin replied. “But you—
you’re fatter.” “Yes,” the Russian
replied, “but don’t get the idea
that I’m a cannibal and have pro
fited by your loss, because I weigh
fifteen poundf more.”
“Fifteen!” mused Bevin. “That’s
just my loss plus the three pounds
Stafford Cripps dropped these last
few weeks.”
UNDERSTATEMENT
In a hotly contested local election
in -Iowa, the Republican candidate
ostentatiously refused to sling mud
at his opponent. “Such tactics are
beneath me,” he proclaimed. “I
will only say that he sailed from
New York to Southampton and back
last summer aboard the America
and never washed once — which
strikes me as the perfect exam
ple of a dirty double-crosser.”
Joke With Teeth
A couple of Scotsmen were walk-A
big along the road together and one
was jingling something in his
pocket. His pal asked “Jock, you
must have plenty of money in ther.”
“Oh, no,” said Jock, “that’s my
wife’s false teeth . . . there’s too
much eating between meals in our
house,”
Ivy growing in water will be
helped considerably if you keep a
small chunk of charcoal in the
water.
Rub a Utile castor oil or min
eral oil lightly over the leaves of
house plants to keep them looking
green and to stimulate growth by
cleaning the pores through which
the plant breathes.
Preventing candles from bend
ing and drooping in the summer
offers a choice of two approaches.
Either take the candles out of
their holders, wrap them in waxed
paper, and lay them away flat in
a drawer or closet; or give them
a couple of coats of clear varnish
or shellac before the hot weather
sets in.
if a candle is a little too small
for. a holder, you can make it
firm by dipping the holder—pro
vided it’s metal—into piping hot
water for a few minutes to. get ii
hot before inserting the candle.
No Justice
A taxi driver whose meter regis
tered twenty cents received just
that amount from a prosperous look,
ing customer. ,
“That’s correct, isn’t It?” th^
customer asked the cabby as he
stared at the two dimes.
“It’s correct,” answered the
cabby, “but it ain’t right.”
'Mm-Meow!
The butcher was busy waiting on
a customer when a woman rushed
in and said, “Give me a pound of
cat food, quick!”
Turning to the other customer
she said, “I hope you don’t inind
my getting waited on before you.”
“Not if you’re THAT hungry,’*
the other woman replied.
NOT IMPRESSED
Apt Definition
• ■ — * * ■' * >
A new butch on a train came
through selling Western sand
wiches; a man bought one and
there was nothing between the two
slices of bread. He asked the butch
about it who replied that his sand
wiches had two hunks of bread and
wide open space, which was West*
tern.
OUT OF BOUNDS
A group of Chicagoans were show
ing a visiting Texan the town. < , < What
do you think of our stock yards?”
they asked.
“Man, we got brandin’ corrals In
Texas bigger’n this.”
“Well,” they asked further, “what
do you think of the imposing sky
scrapers of the Chicago skyline?”
“Why, man, we got tombstones in
Boot Hill bigger than those.”
That night they put a brace of
snapping turtles in his bed. When be
turned down the covers and asked
what they were, he was told, “Illi
nois bedbugs.”
He peered at them a moment.
“So they are,” he agreed. “Young
’uns, ain’t they?” (
No Rime Nor Reason
Little George’s evening was end
ing up in the usual manner. His
mother had ordered him to bed, be
bad demanded to know why he had
to retire so early, and she had told
him. Following the usual pattern he
had turned to his father.
“Pop,” he complained, “women
sure are unreasonable!”
* Papa watched Mamma out of the
corner of his eye, and timidly in
quired:
“Why. son?”
“Well,” explained the thoughtful
youngster, “tonight Mom says,
‘George, you are too young to stay
up.’ Know what she’ll say in the
morning. Pop? She’ll say, Get up,
George—You’re too big^o stay in
bed!’ You can’t win. Pop!”
Stumps of candles and candles
ruined by summei heat can be
melted down and made into new
candles by pouring the molten
wax into an empty cold cream jar
or a cardboard milk or cream
container. If the cold cream jar is
used, the candle can be burned
right in the jar. With the card
board carton, it’s a simple matter
to tear the paper aside once the
wax gets hard. In either case,
though, put a piece of string in
the middle for a wick, and tie a
weight to the bottom of it to keep
it from rising while the wax is
still in a Quid state.
Yoa M«d
«4> > - sv
Toil need to rub on i
relieving Musteroie. It note
feet, long-lasting
helps check the irritation and
local congestion. Buy Mr
III
“For yean I had taken
harsh laxatives for a
Then 1 started to eat
regularly. Now I feel
like a new man!”
Earl Noecker, 2534
Derry St., Harris
burg, Pa. Just one of
many unsolicited let
ters from ALL-BRAN
users. If you are
troubled with con
stipation due to lack 1
of dietary bulk, do
does. Elat an ounce (t
of tasty K " *
drink plei
pletelyt
empty
Creek, Mich. <
MONEY BACKI
10
Doeskin, pigskin and most
smooth-leather gloves can be
washed in lukewarm water and
mild soap. The handliest way is
just to put the gloves on, and
proceed as if you were washing
your hands. The important part
is not to rinse them in clear
water, as this usually leaves the
leather stiff and hard alter it
dries. Instead, make sure that
every batch of tins? water used
has soap in it;* the soap * *
in the gloves will ke^p the
soft. If you need more
effect than that, try
spoonful of olive oil in with the
wash water.
To dean pearls and amber
beads, rub olive oil on them with
s piece of flannel or chamois. Go
easy on the amount of oil and the
pressure of your rubbing.
DOUBLE Fti
FOR EXTRA
The restaurant patron had been
waiting for service at his table for
fifteen minutes. Noticing a waiter
standing nearby with folded arms,
he thought he’d pass some , time
away with conversation. “Say,” he
inquired, “How’d the Yankees make
out in the double-header today?”
“Sorry,” replied t h e waiter
haughtily, this isn’t my table.”
To
-PUR/TY
■ Discount
- You know, Joe may be broke
but he’d make a wonderful husband.
He's so tall and romantic.
Oh, I like tall men, too. I always
said I’d marry a 6 footer, even if
he didn’t have a cent.
Then how come your fourth hus
band was a millionaire who Was
only 4 feet 6?
Honey, I took 25% off for cash.
>#•••
*4.
4*
Don’t give *k ts the
Demona”—getMi
Fast, safe Mentho
soothes smarting
helps open
sages so yoa can
again in comfort..
ful cheat coi
I* too.]
No Time for Comedy
Mother was absent from the din-
ner-tgble; so Dorothy, aged seven,
sat in her chair and pretended to
take her place. Father was watch
ing the child’s solemn assumption of
matronly airs with ill-concealed glee
when her brother challenge# her po
sition with the remark: “So you’re
mother tonight? Well, if you’re
mother, tell: me—how much is six
times nine?”-
Calmly and without hesitation,
Dorothy retorted: “I’m busy; ask
your father!”
Come Back Later
A pink elephant, a green rat and
a polka-dotted snake walked into
a cocktail bar.
“You’re a little early, boys,”
said the bartender. “He ain’t here
yet.”
NOT EXACTLY
Woman Customer (in bank):
“I would like to make a loan.”
Bank Official: “You’ll have to
see the loan arranger.”
Woman: “Who?”
. Official: “The loan arranger,
the loan arranger.”
Woman: “Oh, yon mean the
one who says, “Hi-Ho Silver?’”
Completely Gone
Mrs. Tucker was boasting about
the wholehearted devotion of her
husband.
“I never worry about him paying
attention to other women,” she ex
ulted; “he’s crazy about me.”
“That’s wonderful, dear,” re
joined her friend, Mrs. Arnold; “but
aren’t you afraid he has lucid in
tervals?”
wfe—ami
JAI
Vi*
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