Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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mm THE NEWBERRY SUN. NEWBERRY. S. C. By Lcn KlcU !r~- THE OLD GAFFER ■— SPEAKING OP POLITICS, WHAT PARTY DO YOU BELONG TO ? By Clay Hunter HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OP THE V BULL MOOSE PARTY? MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher JITTER By Arthur Pointer "WHAT A SILLY THING TO BREAK UP OVER JUST BECAUSE THEY DON*T LOVE EACH OTHER ANYMORE/ n Intercepted Pass A college football star, who had /ailed an examination, was disqual ified just before the big game. There was great weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and the distressed president of the school came to the professor who had given the fatal grade. “This i& terrible!’* he said. “We can’t win the game without him.” ' 4, But I had to give him zero,” said the teacher. “You see, he cheated, “Cheated! Did you see him!” “No, I didn’t.” “.Does he admit it?” “No, he denies it,” said the teach er. “But he—a poor student—sat next to the best student, and their answers were almost identical.” “Do you think that proves cheat ing?” “In this case I do. The good stu dent replied to the last question, T don’t know the answer.’ And the football star wrote, ‘I don’t know the answer either.* ” A Weakling Hal Block recalls when strong man George Atlas guested on Mil- ton Berle’s radio show. During re hearsals Atlas was very nervous. “Let me take off my shirt,” he begged. “I’ll feel less nervous.” They went on the air, and when Berle gave Atlas his cue. Atlas remained “frozen.” Another cue, and still Atlas couldn’t utter a word. Finally Berle sighed. “What kind of a strong man are you?” he asked. “You can’t even pick up your cue.” * THRIFT LESSON Mark Twain experienced many financial difficulties in his young er days. Describing his hardships to a friend one day, he recalled: “Many a time I was down to my last nickeL And even then I was indecisive. I could never decide what to do with it—buy a cigar or a loaf of bread?” “It’s hard to believe,” comment ed the friend, “that a person who couldn’t make such a simple deci sion should have become such a success.” “Ob, indecision is the secret of my success,” explained Twain. “When I saw that I couldn’t make up my mind about what to do with the nickel, I kept it—and became rich.” Rare Edition Humorist Don Marquis was in a bookshop autographing copies of one of his books. As an elderly lady gratefully accepted her copy she murmured wistfully, “I wish this were a first edition.” “Believe me, madam,” replied Marquis, “with my books, the sec ond editions are rarer than the first.” COSTLY GRIEF . The driver had had a fatal acci dent The insurance company man was at the widow’s house and was presenting her with a check for $25,000, double indemnity pay ment on his life insurance. The widow was crying and unconsol- able. She looked at the check and whimpered: “I’d give $15,000 of this to have him back again!” RESPONSIBLE A flattery young thing was be ing interviewed for a bookkeep ing job at a swank night clnb. “Yon understand,” said the per sonnel man, “that we need a re sponsible person.” *T’m very responsible,” she assured him. “Why, on my last job, whenever there was some thing called a discrepancy, they always said I was responsible.” Handsome but Clumsy He (dancing): “I may not be light as a feather, but I don’t look as foolish as some of these fel lows.” She: “Perhaps not, but their partners have less trouble dodging their feet.” first mo to the MIW6 HOjjSt Ketp Posted on Valnos By Read in t the Ado PAINT FUR ALUMINUM SIDING Question: I have aluminum sid ing on my house and I would like to paint it white. I understand some sort of “treat coat” should be applied first, so that the paint will adhere properly. Could you give me any information on this? Answer: There is a special met al priming coat intended for this purpose. I cannot mention trade names in the cclumn, but you may obtain information from the Archi tects Samples Exhibit, 101 Park Ave., New York 17. RESET LOOSE HANDLES »m EASY! No skill tUadks lik* pony 4..soil ’ Vanity Give Room Distinction- Dainty Little Layette During the Twelfth dynasty vanity was sometimes a very ex pensive trait. Egyptian rulers of the time often admired their re flections in real silver, mirrors that had handles of black obsid ian adorned with solid gold. tltll ACftiMOSt mis ntut M Cams Mules Are Born Wooden-headed’ characters just can’t help help it. They were born that way. A stubborn streak may be apparent in a child by the time he is 12 months old. If his par ents do nothing to mold his per sonality into softer, more agree able lines, he is usually stuck with this unpleasant trait for life On electric fans, lawn ffS. roller skates3~IN~ONE WHEN SLEEP VH COME AND YOU FEEL 6LUM — Jmm First Firemen Use Chewing* REMOVES WASTE...NOT GOOD 1 The Emperor Augustus (27 B.C.-14 A.D.) added an attraction to Rome that endeared him to all the little boys of his time. He or ganized the city’s first real fire department. • When can't sleep—feel; because you need a laxative — do ixnxioKa do — chew rxBN-A-atrRT la wonderfully < Doctors say many other their “flushing’' action too i la the eteasaeh. Large < stives upset digestion, flush at Ishing food you need for I energy ... you feel weak, worn out But gentle fwot-a-mint, ommended. works chiefly, in bowel where It reaa good food! You avoid that i feeling. Use THAT THE FAMILY 10 A HATCH OF I " For New Arrival T HIS DAINTY little layette makes an ideal gift for the new arrival. Fine white nainsook makes the delicate petticoat, sac- que and dressing gown. Dress can be used for a christening robe, too. I. Pattern No. 5859 consists of slx-plece layette patterns, tracing of embroider ing motifs, stitch illustrations, maferial requirements and (inlying directions. pour ___ -on- s a .. ideas— four 1 gift patterns printed inside the book. Cook together over hot water « • # K cop hotter lb. marshmallows (aboat 2Yx dox.) When syrupy, add and boat in .. . Vi into bowl, pour. • « S cops Kellogg's Add marshmalhv mixture, get 24 ] from 9* x IS* Even kids can: Send an additional J$ cents for yo copy of the Anne Cabot ALBUM. Cc a wealth of needlework ideal SEWING CIRCLE NEEDLEWORK SSd Soath Wells St.. Chleage 7. QL Enclose 90 cents for pattern. No. Name . Address leeeeeoeoeoO Shelves Are at Home In Kitchen, Parlor If : ygHKl Unit Shelves For A Corner T HESE SHELVES are as much at home in the kitchen as the livingroom. Pattern 271 gives di rections and an actual-size guide for cutting curves or marking them for a woodworker to cut. Units A and B are made with 270. Patterns are 25c each. • a a WORKSHOP PATTERN SERVICE Drawer 10 Bedfsrd HUls, New York. BELIEF, rub to Ben-Gay- Con- FOR FAST ’ o£ those two famous tains up to 2 Vi salicylate and men- pain-relievtag ags j y offered rub-insl ax* five 0the L -~I enscnM ACHES. • * gu, for Prill d- te Copyright l* 49 -' QUICK! RUBIN THE ORIGINAL BAUME ANALGESIQUC What cigarette do doctors themselves smoke? X. • Three nfldonally known independent re search organizations put the question to 113,597 doctors. Doctors in every field of medicine were asked, **What cigarette do you smoke. Doctor?” The answers from this nationwide survey revealed that MORE DOCTORS SMOKE CAMELS UMKI