The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, November 04, 1949, Image 6
THE NEWBERRY SUN. NEWBERRY. S. C.
Shirtwaist Style Is
‘tailored to Perfection
8226
14*46
• * Neat as a Pin
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Short or long cuffed sleeves are
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Pattern No. 8226 Is in sizes 14. 16, 18,
20, 40, 42. 44 and 46. Size 16. short sleeve.
4V% yards of 39-inch.
The Fall and Winter FASHION is _
complete guide in planning a wearable
winter wardrobe. Special designs; fabric
news-free pattern printed inside the book.
25 cents.
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT.
•SO Seatb Wells 8ft. Chleags It OL
Enclose 25 cents to coins for sack
pattern desired.
Pattern No. —■■■n-. ■ Size ——
Name ■ «
Address ■■■,— ■ „ ■
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BROADWAY AND MAIN STRICT
Ibsen, Shmibsen, She Said;
Confide With Me Everything
By BILLY ROSE
I recently read a magazine piece entitled, “What’s Wrong with
Modern Marriage,” in which the author opined that the divorce
rate would drop like an over-ripe apple if the average wife showed
more interest in her husband’s business and hobbies.
Well, mebbe so, but you can’t prove it by my Uncle Charlie
and my Aunt Frieda. ...
Charlie and E'rieda are a couple of oldsters who have been living in a
four-room flat on the East Side almost as long as magazines have been
printing articles entitled, “What’s Wrong with Modem Marriage. ,fc Ever
since their nuptials, they’ve had at least one argument a day, and when
they stop scrapping that’s when I’ll start worrying about them.
I remember an evening back in the days when I was knee-high to the
Allen Street curbstone when Aunt
Frieda came home from the movies
with an air of unwavering nobility.
“Charlie,” she said tensely, “how
Is business at the shop, good, bad or
fair to the mid
dle?”
“Eh - peh,” an
swered my uncle.
(“Eh - peh,” X
hasten to translate,
means that things
being what they
are, if a man
breaks even he can
consider himself a
runaway success.)
“ ‘Eh-peh’ is no
Frieda. “I am sick
doll’s house.”
I see,” said Charlie. “Tonight
in the nickelodeon was showing
Nazimova in ‘A Doll’s House’ by
Hymie Ibsen.”
“Ibsen, Shmibsen,” said Frieda.
“You can’t push me out of your
life. Confide in me everything,
come thick or thin.”
"This I’ll confide,’’ said Charlie.
"When I come home from the
shop I’m tired out like a dog.
Bad enough I live through the
day without it should repeat on
me like radishes."
However, with my Aunt Frieda,
like Columbus, there was no turn
ing back. She kept picking away
until Charlie itemized the day’s
doings—everything from punch-in
to punch-out.
Billy Bose
answer,” said
of living in a
BUT THAT WAS only the begin
ning. The payoff came a few weeks
later when Charlie was fixing to at
tend his weekly pinochle session.
1 want you should teach m’e how
to play,” said Frieda.
’Pinochle!” said Charlie. “Al
ways you are saying pinochle is
for loafers and no-goods.”
“I ain’t saying different,” said
Frieda, but pinochle is your
passion and I don’t want it should
take my place in your life.”
Now, my uncle was a broad
minded man. When women began
to bob their hair, his comment was.
“They want to ventilate their
necks, so let them.” But pinochle
—well, that was another matter.
Nevertheless, he knew better than
to balk his wife outright and, as he
explained the game to Frieda, all
the while thinking bitterly of the
coffeehouse session he was missing,
a plot began to hatch in his head.
Next evening he was home early
with a bag of wool and knitting
needles. “Frieda,” he said, “how
you make a cable stitch?”
Half an hour later he was in the
kitchen tasting the soup. “It needs
a pinch paprika,” he said.
“You’re giving me point-outs
how to make soup?”
“Who’s teaching? A woman cooks
and shops, a husband should simi
lar cook and shop. How much you
pay for cabbage?”
"Five cents a head.”
“At Fuzarri’s on Avenue A, is
four cents.”
• • •
FRIEDA DROPPED a handful of
cutlery in the sink.” Fuzarri’s is six
blocks away.”
“So what? The exercise will do
you good.”
That Saturday night, Charlie
persuaded a couple of his cronies
to come over for a pinochle ses
sion and put up with his wife’s
playing. At 12 o’clock Frieda
said, "1 can't keep my eyes apart.
Maybe you could play three-
r ° r quick rmlrn-
/ e answer that wUl ^ da,n0f «g cries-
And hLZ burdeo over to h 7 ° ne
yielded ' t0 his care.
Epicure
When the college’s football squad
was called out for the first prac
tice session of the season one of
the aspirants was so fleet of foot
that he made the others look like
turtles. The coach called him over
and asked, him how he had de
veloped such incredible speed.
“I used to catch jackrabbits on
my pop’s ranch,” he explained.
“But,” the coach pointed out, “a
lot of other boys here claim that
they did the same thing. Still
they’re not nearly so fast as you-
“My pop Is pretty fussy about
the rabbits he eats,” the boy elab
orated. “I had to run alongside
them and feel them to see if they
were fat enough for pop before I
caught them.”
God yieldcd > p'*ys°^ Care ’
JUST WANTED TO KNOW
»* i
V
handed.”
"What kind pinochle player
stops so early?" said Chat lie.
"Deal!" And at 3 a.m., Frieda
was dealing them as if they were
bricks.
Sunday, Charlie put on his best
tie. “Today I go with you to see
Theda Bara,” he said.
“Is not necessary to go with,”
said Frieda. “I got a date with the
ladies.”
“Where you go, I go,” said
Charlie.
Frieda, afraid Charlie would
laugh at Theda’s amatory exer
cises and humiliate her in front of
her friends, pulled down the flag.
“Marriage is not simple a ball
and chain,” she said. “You go
your way and I’ll go to Loew’s.”
Charlie moved in for the kill.
“No more schmoose about the
shop?”
The
Fiction * RANGE RIDER
By
Richard H. Wilkinson
Corner
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WORLDS LAROESi SELLER AT I0<
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RHEUMATISM
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C HUCK HANSON and Baldy
Davis, range riders for the
Circle H cattle outfit, were pretty
disgusted the day young Johnny
Howard rode into their camp and
handed them a note signed by Old
Man Hadley, the Circle H*s owner.
The note read in part:
This will introduce Johnny How
ard from New York, the son of an
old friend of mine
He want* to be
3 -MillUt« a real cowboy
Fiction rm t
him out to you
boys. Show him
the ropes. Jim.”
Summoning Baldy, Chuck led the
way out of earshot
Ain’t the boss cute?” he said
sarcastically. “Handin’ us this
nurse maid’s job. By Gad, one day
Jim Hadley will go too far.
“The way I figure It,'
Baldy, “the boss is psssln’ the
buck. Since this fashion-plate
Is the eon of a friend he can't
Just give him the werke and
send him home, so he puts it
up to us.”
Chuck spat and scratched his
head. “By gum, mebbe you’re
right. Shucks, that's it exactly!
Come on, we gotta do like he asks.
We’ll make a cow hand outer this
<^ude or die tryin’.”
They returned to the camp where
waited Johnny. “O. K., feller,”
Baldy said. "The boss allows we
.gotta make a cow hand outer yuh.
Your first lesson Is to get down off
that flea-bitten nag you’re a-straddle
and learn to stick on a real hoss.”
“Well,” said Johnny, “I was won
dering if I was going to have to ride
this old crow bait.”
Chuck and Baldy exchanged
meaning looks. Baldy went out to
the corral and returned leading a
sleek-looking black that kept his
ears laid back permanently just to
show folks how he felt about %py
one who thought he could ride him.
Confidently Johnny swung
aboard while the two range
riders climbed to the top rail of
the corral fence. Baldy was a
little nervous.
The black, with Johnny astride
him, suddenly galvanized into ac
tion. It shot straight into the air
and came t down with all four legs
as solid as gate posts. It sunfished
and buckled and bucked. It got
down and rolled over, brushed
against the fence, reared on all
fours, plunged and bucked some
more. And presently, sweating and
blowing, it stood docile and Johnny
Howard was still on its back. John
ny grinned at the open-mouthed
spectators.
T HE RANGE RIDERS rubbed
their eyes. The thing that had
happened was like an hallucination.
They weren’t convinced. Chuck
slid down off the corral.
“We'll now go into lesson number
two,” he remarked, “which in
cludes bulldogging. Ever bulldog a
steer, mister?”
Without waiting for the dude’s re
ply, Chuck, who had won laurels
as a bulldogger, galloped after a
steer, threw and roped him in rec
ord time. Pleased and swaggering
he returned. "See how it’s done?”
he asked.
“Yes,".said Johnny, “I see. Mind
if I try it on that big steer?”
He tried it He threw and roped
the big steer in three seconds less
time than Chuck.
After a roping exhibition
Johnny, without being chal
lenged, produced a six-gun and
demonstrated some fast and
accurate shooting. In fact, it
was so fast and so accurate
that Baldy and Chnck didn’t
offer to exploit their own prow
ess.
When the shooting was over the
range riders went into a huddle.
Presently they returned to Johnny.
Chuck stuck out his hand. “Mister,
we hereby apologize. We know
when we’re licked.”
Johnny grinned. “Well,” he said.
”1 reckon that was Uncle Jim’s
idea. At first. Then when he found
out I was a circus performer he
saw a chance to play a joke on
you boys. I learned all my stuff in
a circus. I got to be pretty good,
because I liked the work. In fact, I
liked it so well I decided to become
a real cowboy. The truth is, I don't
know a darned thing about cow-
punching and I’d appreciate it a
heap if you boys would let me stay
and teach ma a few things.”
‘Teach youl” declared Chuck.
“Hal Mister, consider yourself
t’home.”
mm puzzle
LAST WEEKS
ANSWER JR
1.
S.
e.
10.
u.
12.
14.
16.
17.
18.
20.
21.
24.
27.
29.
31.
34.
35.
37.
38.
41.
44.
46.
47.
48.
49.
50.
ACROSS
Butts
Buddies
Affirm
Leave out
Steps over
a fence
Women of
station
Concealed
Long-eared
rodent
Hawaiian
bird
Pull
2. Greedy
3. Form
4. A con
fection
5. A seed
vessel
S. A nurse
(Orient)
7. Capital
(Pery)
8. English
novelist
11. Begone!
13. Prophet
15. Wandering
Neon (sym.) 19. Conflict
At one time 22. Food fish
A great
artist
One of the
Great Lakes
Bantered
with
A game
played on
horseback
At home
1/1000 of
an inch
Hypothetical
force
Kind of dog
A wax
taper
Glory
(colloq.)
Points
aimed at
Additional
amount
Girl’s name
Sea eagle
Require
DOWN
An
allowance
23. Conclude
25. A slight
lasts
26. Also
28. Evening
sun god
(Egypt.)
29. Strike with
the foot
30. Bury
32. Dangled
33. Poems
36. Goods sunk
at sea with
a buoy
39. Smell
40. Exhausted
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so
I
“If no more cable stitches.”
“No more pinochle?”
“If no more tasting the soup.”
"You got an agreement,” said
my uncle.
And they've been fighting happi
ly ever since.
“Beg your pardon, but what is
your name, sir?” the hotel clerk
asked.
“Name!” echoed the Indignant
guest, who had just signed the
register, “don’t you see my sig
nature there?”
‘Of course,” answered the clerk.
“That’s what aroused my curiosi
ty.”
PUZZLE NO. 23
BY INEZ GERHARD
A SINGER has to be something
more than just wonderful to
make her professional debut on
“The Telephone Hour.” 20-year-
old Barbara Gibson did it Septem
ber 12, and will be heard again on
the program in February. Gladys
Swarthout promptly phoned her
praise; Lily Pons, who had missed
BARBARA GIBSON
the broadcast, asked for record
ings. Like Lily, Barbara is a col
oratura soprano. Unlike her, she’s
a young American girl—likes to
swim and ski, makes her own
clothes. Walter Magill, producer
of “Tha Telephone Hour,” waa at
CBS the day the auditioned, heard
executives raving about her voice;
after hearing her ting he gave her
her big chance.
Columbia will release “All the
King’s Men” some time near
Christmas, to get maximum con
sideration for Academy Award
nomination. Paramount la banking
on “The Heiress”; 20th Century-
Fox has “Pinky”; Eagle-Lion,
“Passport to Pimlico.”
Before designing “Mortimer
Snerd,” CBS’ Edgar Bergen spent
months in research on phrenology.
He made a complete list of all
physical characteristics associated
with stupidity, then combined them
all in “Mortimer.”
The University of Denver has
adopted Paramount’* “M y
Friend Irma” as the basis of a
coarse in film pradnetion and
appreciation. The gcript, still,
production and publicity pho
tos and a number of minature
sets used in the picture are
being used as visual aids, and
sets created by Hans Dreier
and Henry Bumstead are on
display in the college library.
Lucille Ball Is back at RKO, the
first time in six years, to make
"Easy Living,” with Victor Ma
ture. It was at RKO that sha met
her husband, Desi Arnaz, eight
years back, when they were the
principals of ’Too Many Girls.”
Florence Freeman expected tt
be home awaiting the stork's ar
rival the last week of September,
and the script of “Wendy Warren
and the News” was written so as te
give the star a vacation. But hei
son didn’t know that in radi4
everything has to be done right on
time. He put off greeting his pan
ents and two sisters until Octobei
«L
Goodbye!
Tm sorry,” said the arresting
officer, “but it is me duty to watch
out for unmuzzled dogs in the
park.”
“But,” protested Mr. Kaplowitz,
“he is such a lettle dug. I couldn’t
poichase a muzzle to fit him.”
His arguments were in vain. The
policeman gave him a ticket and
told him that his case would come
up at court in two days and he
could talk himself blue in the face
then, if he wanted to.
When Mr. Kaplowitz appeared
before the judge he again tried to
explain how tiny his dog was. ,
“Is he about so high?” asked
the judge, indicating five inches.
“Yes, yes,” hissed Mr. Kaplowitz,
eagerly.
“And is he about so wide?” con
tinued the judge, indicating about
four inches.
Again Mr. Kaplowitz nodded his
head vigorously.
“And is he abeut so long?’ asked
the judge.
“So long. Judge,” interrupted
Mr. Kaplowitz. ’Tenks.”
Bite Uni
A woman was bitten badly by a
dog. Her doctor warned her to
make a will. She took so long in
writing the will he asked her why.
"This isn’t a will,” she said:
“this is just a list of people I’m
going to bite!”
NATURAL MISTAKE
Bride: “Oh, dearl I took such a
lot of trouble to arrange the salad
daintily and nobody took a bit of
it.”
Young husband: “Salad, dar
ling? We all thought it was a new
style of arranging the flowers.”
CONSISTENT
“This Is the fifth time you
have been brought before me for
speeding,” said the judge se
verely.
“Yes, your honor,” smiled the
offender. “When I like a feller
I generally gives him all my
business.”
Shorts
These short ' bathing suits the
girls are wearing on the beach
this year: You need an imagina
tion to keep your imagination from
imagining what ?ou shouldn’t
imagine.
Best Seller
“Did you know I had taken up
story writing as a career?”
“No. Have you sold anything
yet?”
"Yes—my watch, my saxophone,
and my car.”
Economics
Professor of Economics: “Give
me an example of indirect taxa-
tion.”
Fresh: “The dog tax, sir.”
Prof.: “Explain.”
Fresh: “The dog does not hava
to pay it”
Double or Nothing
“Now is as good a time as any,”
said Teeter, senior, as he stood at
a bar with his son, “to teach you a
few facts of life. Remember, a
man who drinks beyond his ca
pacity is no gentleman. To enjoy
life you must observe the happy
medium. Have a drink occasional
ly, but never, never get drunk.”
“Yes, sir ” replied his dutiful
son, “but he w am I to know When
I am drunk?”
“Well, you see those two men
sitting in the comer,” said his
father, “if you were to see four,
you’d know you were drunk.”
“I can see only one there now,
father,” grinned the young man.
Distaff Side
First mate—“What are epistles,
Joe?”
Second mate—“I’m not sure, but
I thiik they are apostles’ wives.”
Accidents Chief Killer
Of Children in America
CHICAGO.—Here’s a word of
warning to all Moms and Dads:
Accidents are the greatest kid-
killers in America!
Accidents far out-rank any of
the more generally feared child
hood diseases as a cause ' f death
among children l-to-14 years old.
There were 10,731 accidental
deaths in that age group in 1947—
three times more than were
claimed by pneumonia, the next
most important cause of death.
And accidents caused 42 times as
many deaths as polio.
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