The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, August 15, 1947, Image 7
THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY, S. C
“Oh—Alvin’s SO stubborn! Even though we’re en
gaged, he insists on seeing other women il I go out
with other men!”
CROSS
TOWN
Bv
Roland Coe
“The man who sold me this set of children’s encyclo
paedias said you could answer all your own questions.
Here—go ahead and DO it.”
NANCY
By Ernie Buthmiller
Becoming Modesty
A GIRL from Texas was being
prepared for a trip to New
York by her mother. Together they
had shopped and bought clothes for
every possible contingency. New
luggage was procured and finally
the girl was ready to leave for the
station. As she was about to kiss
her mother farewell, the mother
said:
“Now, dear, don't you mention to
the folks in New York that you’re
from Texas. That would be like
talking about money in front of poor
people. We mustn’t parade our ad
vantages.’’
NO CHANCE TO REST
Prisoner—The judge sent me here
for the rest of my life.
Prison Guard — Got any com
plaints? ,
Prisoner—Do you call breaking
rock with a hammer a rest?
Not Quite Right
“May I have this check cashed,
please?” asked the young woman of
the paying, teller.
“Of course, madam,” the teller
replied. "Just endorse it please.”
"Must I endorse it?” she asked,
apparently puzzled. “I’m Mrs.
Smith, you know. My husband is
out of the city and mailed the check
to me.”
“Yet, it must he endorsed. Sign
it on the back, please, and Mr.
Smith will know we paid it to you.”
Mrs. Smith took her pen from her
purse and passed the check back to
the teller endorsed: “Your devoted
wife, Ethel.”
Wet Road to Heaven
Along the upper reaches of the
Big Sandy, Brother Scanlan was a
Free Baptist preacher of force and
good deeds. One spring, he held a
revival meeting and gathered many
converts to the fold. When the time
for baptizing came the ice had not
gone out, so Brother Scanlan broke
the ice and waded into the water,
followed by his first candidate. Un
fortunately the latter was a large
man and when the good preacher
ducked him the man slipped under
the ice and floated away down the
river. Undismayed, Baptizer Scan
lan turned to the crowd on the bank,
lifted his head and cried, “One
brother gone to glory. Hallelujah!
Amen—Next! ”
FAIR PLAY
The golf match to end all golf
matches was played up in Heaven
by St. Peter and St. Paul. St. Peter
had the honor on the first tee and
promptly made a hole in one. St.
Paul, undaunted, repreated the per
formance. St. Peter marked the
scores down dutifully on his card,
then remarked, "What do you say,
Paul? Let’s cut out the miracles
and get down to business.”
Always Something
The old mountaineer was sound
asleep on the porch. He awoke
sleepily as his barefoot son was
shaking the daylights out of him.
“Dinner is ready, paw,” he an
nounced.
The mountaineer finally opened
his eyes. “Whut are yer talkin'
about?” he drawled. "Didn’t I jest
eat awhile ago?”
“Sure, Paw,” nodded the boy.
‘But thet was breakfast. This time
It’s dinner.”
The weary father arose. “Dog
gone,” he grumbled. “If it ain’t
one thing, it’s another!”
Getting Back
“Sure the list price of the din
ner is two dollars,” said the wait
er blandly to the new car sales
man, “but the flowers on the ta
ble bring it to $3.75.”
An Exception
It had been one of the best feuds
in years and feeling had been
fanned high all over the mountain
region.
Now, a jury was being selected to
decide the winner’s fate. •
A bewhiskered prospective juror
was asked, "Have you formed any
opinion as to the guilt or innocence
of this defendant?”
"I ain’t. Sir.”
“Do you object to capital punish
ment?”
‘No sir-ee,” was the prompt
reply, "not in this case, I don’t!”
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Pattern No
-Size-
Name
Address-
\ ASK ME 7 A quiz with answers offering ?
? ANOTHER: information on various subjects |
O- O- o— O- <W O— O- O- O— O- O— O- O- O- O- O- O- O— O— O- O- O— O— (V. (V. O-
The Questions
1. Was “Casey” of “Casey at
the Bat” a real person?
2. Which drew more spectators
last year, horse racing or big
league baseball?
3. Is there any water in Death
Valley?
4. What would a cubic foot of
gold be worth?
5. When was the treasury de
partment’s “conscience fund”
started?
6. Is there any real electricity in
an electric eel?
7. What is the average age of
our U. S. senators?
8. How cold does it get at the
equator?
9. Do people actually shed
“crocodile tears”?
10. What is George C. Marshall’s
salary as secretary of state?
The Answers
1. Yes, David M. Casey. While
playing with the National league
Phillies in 1888, he inspired Ernest
Thayer to write the poem.
2. Racing drew 26,000,000, while
baseball drew 19,000,000.
3. Yes. Water veins have been
found in numerous sections, con
taining desert minnows, relics of
the days when Death Valley was
the bottom of a great inland sea.
4. Well over half a million dol
lars.
5. In 1811, when $250 was re
ceived from a man who explained
that he came by the funds illegal
ly. To date, Americans have sent
in more than $1,000,000.
6. Yes, an adult eel can deliver
as much as 500 volts.
7. The average age is 56.3 years.
Five are over 75, 3 are under 40
years of age.
8. About 56 degrees below zero
at the top of Mt. Kenja in Central
Africa.
9. Yes, weeping for no emotion
al reason is fairly common. The
Journal of the American Medical
Association reports two persons
who wept whenever they ate their
dinner.
10. Because it is illegal for an in
dividual to accept two federal pay
checks at the same time, Marshall
has waived his $15,000 yearly sal
ary as secretary of state. As a
retired general of the army he re
ceives $15,751 yearly for life.
Mrs. Mark Twain
All of Mark Twain’s manu
scripts were edited by his wife.
So, perhaps the famous humorist’s
wife put some of the finishing
touches to such charming book
characters as Aunt Polly, Tom
Sawyer, and even the incompara
ble Huckleberry Finn.
Well, “two heads are better
than one,” the old saying goes.
GRAH DM A
SPEARIN'...
BEFORE YOU START com
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Ur*
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Taste yer shortenin’ the next
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US’
THERE AIN’T NOTHIN’ quite
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