The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, July 04, 1947, Image 7
f
THE NEWBERRY SUN. NEWBERRY, S. C.
’TWAS EVER THUS
O NE DAY that outspoken, uncon
ventional musician, Eugene
D'Albert, whose numerous marri
ages had been matched by an equal
number of divorces, was an inter
ested listener to a lecture on arche
ology. A famous man of science
was holding forth on his latest ex
pedition.
"And thus,” announced the lectur
er, “the only relic we have of the
ancient Assyrians are a few hun
dred pieces of broken crockery.”
As the speaker paused to let this
surprising thought penetrate the
minds of his listeners, the silence
was broken by the voice of D’Al-
bert observing, "Ah, so matrimony
is a very ancient institution!”
JUST LIKE DDT *
When Joe McCarthy was cracking
the whip one of his players was
spending too many of his evenings
in the taverns. Just before game
time, McCarthy mounted a bench.
In one hand he held a glass of wa
ter, in the other a v/orm. Joe
dropped the worm into the water.
It wriggled about with a great dis
play of energy. Then he removed
the worm and picked up a second
glass—this one filled with liquor.
Holding the worm high for all to
see, he dropped it into the whisky.
It wriggled about gaily for a mo
ment, then sank to the bottom—
dead.
McCarthy looked about the room.
His eye caught that of the erring
player. “You, there!” he rasped.
"What did my little experiment
teach you?”
The player wrinkled his brow,
brightly replied, "Well, boss, it
teaches me that if I keep on drinkin’
likker I ain’t gonna have no worms.”
SMART REPLY
Teacher—What is raised in coun
tries that have wet climates?
Student—Umbrellas.
What Counts
Having only recently moved into
the district, she was determined to
impress the neighbors. She ar
ranged for a musical At Home and
told her husband to see to the book
ing of a musician to entertain the
guests.
"Have you engaged the pianist
yet?” she asked a few days before
the great evening.
“Yes, my dear,” he replied, “a
great virtuosol”
She looked annoyed.
"Never mind about his morals.
Can he play?”
One Safe Place
First Husband—My wife finds
my money wherever I hide it.
Second Husband—My wife nev
er finds mine. I put it in the bas
ket with my undarned socks.
Wrong Remedy
Two farmers met on a country
road and pulled up their teams.
"Si,” said Josh, "I’ve got a mule
with distemper. What did you give
that one of yours when he had it?”
“Turpentine. Giddap!”
A week later they met again.
"Say, Si, I gave my mule turpen
tine and it killed him.”
"Killed mine, too. Giddap!”
The Time Never Comes
The Son—Say, Pop, how soon will
I be old enough to do just as I
please?
The Dad—I don’t know, son; no
body has ever lived that long yet.
■faking Progress
"How is your wife coming with
her driving lessons?”
"Pretty good. It’s getting so she
and the road turn almost at the
same time.”
NANCY Bv Ernie Buthmiller
MUTT AND JEFF
MUTT, I WROTE
SOME POEMS I’M
GONNA SELL TO
THE NEWSPAPER-
LISTEN --
I TOOK MV AUNTIE RIDING,
IN TNE COLD AND |CVBREEZE.|
I PUT riER. (N THE
rumble seat
AND WATCHED MV
ANm-FREiZEJ/
DO YOU CALL THAT
stuff poetry?
IT
RHYMES/
f your handwriting j oh.that’s
is awful! nobody/ all right/
WILL BE ABLE p A POET HAS
To READ THIS I IMAGINATION! HE
v5UNRl °NL>/ IMAGINES
‘ ' PEOPLE READ
HIS POEMS
,, ^ ANYWAY/
By Bud Fi»her
I imagine
SOMEDAV
I WILL BE A
GREAT POET-
I IMAGINE!
JITTER By Arthur Pointer
REG’LAR FELLERS
VIRGIL
By Len Kleis
SILENT SAM
By Jeff Haye«
PLAY
STREET ,
BE '
careful cC t^
THE JACKPOT QUESTION
NEEDLEWORK PATTERNS
TT WAS the oay appointed by the
■I Rev. Duncan McGregor for cate
chising some of his congregation,
but, unfortunately, the good clergy
man had received an invitation tc
dinner for the same day and, for
getting his previous engagement
had accepted it.
Just as the minister was mount
ing his gig to depart, he perceived
the first of his class entering his
garden, and the remainder coming
over the fair Scottish hill. He was
instantly aware of the mistake he
had made, but his ready wit soon
came to his assistance.
“What have you come for, Jock?”
he asked, addressing the first com
er.
"An’ dee ye no’ remember, sir,
ye bade us come to be cate-
cheesed?”
“Oh, ay; weel, no’ to keep ye going
further, Jock, was it a horned coo
or a hemmel that Noah took into the
ark?”
"Deed, sir, I canna tell.”
"Well, turn back and ask the ither
folk the same question, and if
they canna answer it, bid them go
home and find oot.”
And with that the Rev. Duncan
McGregor drove away to his din
ner.
Sweet Dreams
A little old lady in her seventies
Went to a doctor. She expounded all
her ailments, real and imaginary,
but seemed most concerned about a
recurring dream in which she was
diligently pursued by a personable
young man who wanted to flirt with
her. The doctor was sympathetic,
and advised her how she might
sleep more soundly.
In a few days she returned, still
woeful.
“Don’t tell me you aren’t sleeping
better nowadays,” said the doctor.
“Oh, I’m sleeping fine,” the pa
tient replied, “but to tell the truth,
I certainly miss that young man!”
SEVEN YEARS BAD LUCK
The recruit turned to his neigh
bor and remarked: “I say. Bill,
have you got a good memory for
faces?”
“Yes," replied Bill, from behind
his towel.
“Well, see If you can remember
your own when you shave it I’ve
just broken your mirror."
A Way Out
Patricia telephoned Phyllis’
mother and asked if Phyllis might
come to see her.
The mother explained: “No, Phyl
lis didn’t come home on time, as
she promised yesterday. She should
be punished. So she must stay. .
Patricia quickly interrupted:
“Oh! Just spank her and send her
down.”
Fussy Sort
A traveler in the Dogpatch coun
try stayed overnight in a backwoods
dwelling. The next morning he spent
some time on the back porch with
a basin of water, a razor, soap,
comb, brush and so on. A small boy
watched wide-eyed for some time
and finally said, "Gorsh, mister, are
ye always thet much trouble to yer-
self?”
GRAMMAR LESSON
Son—Pa, what is the difference
between a cat and a comma?
Pa—I don’t know, what is it?
Son—A cat has claws at the end
of its paws, and a comma is a pause
at the end of a clause.
Lots Like Him
"Mother goes to the Lutheran
church," said a youngster to g new
friend.
“What denomination is your dad
dy?”
‘T don’t zackly know what daddy
is,” admitted the boy. "He don’t
go to church with mother. Aunt
Mabel says he must be a Seven Day
Absentist.”
Dual Control'
Bill—Why are you so unhappy?
Bob—I just found out my wife
is leading a double life.
Bill—No kidding.
Bob—Yep—her own and mine.
Easier to Say
“I want some hot peppered butt
corn—I mean cot buttered hop com
—that is—com buttered popo butt,
or rather cuttered pot bom—bow
about a sack of peanuts?”
Pansies Crocketed in Filet
Romantic Lace-Skirted Design
Filet Chair Set
D EAR little pansy faces are
crocheted in filet to make this
lovely and unusual chair set. So
easy to do, and the set will look
so beautiful on your best uphol
stered chair.
• • •
To obtain complete crocheting instruc
tions. filet charts, amounts ot materials
specified for the Pansy Filet Chair Set
(Pattern No. 5460) send 20 cents In coin,
your name, address and pattern number.
Treasure Lace
T ACE - SKIRTED and embroi-
dered figures worked in a ro
mantic fashion. These designs
make unusual pillowcase or dress
er scarf decorations. Crocheted
lace measures 4 inches deep in
the "skirt” section, the edging
carries out to the end of the pil
lowcase. Makes a most hand
some and sure-to-be-treasured
gift!
* * •
To obtain transfer design, complete
crocheting instructions for lace on the
Romantic Lady Designs (Pattern No.
5495) send 20 cents in coin, your name,
address and pattern number.
Due to an unusually large demand and
current conditions, slightly more time is
required in filling orders for a few of the
most popular patterns.
Send your order to:
? _ ?
?
?
?
? ASK Me
?
ANOTHER
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O- <x« O-* O- 0- fw. fv. fv. <v. <v» CV- O-* (v.
A General Quiz
SEWING CIRCLE NEEDLEWORK
530 South Wells St. Chicago 7, 111.
Enclose 20 cents for Pattern.
No
Name -
Address
1. How great a distance can a
kangaroo hop?
2. When was the Mammoth
cave in Kentucky discovered?
3. Who is credited with having
invented the compass?
4. How many patents have been
granted by the U. S. patent office?
5. How did Peter the Great
change the attire of the Russians?
6. Can any fish live out of water
for a considerable time?
7. What was the strongest wind
recorded in the United States?
8. The real name of the acting
Barrymore family was what?
The Answers
1. When pursued kangaroos
have been known to hop almost
forty feet.
2. In 1809.
3. Flavio Gioja, an Italian, about
1300.
4. Two and one-half million.
5. He ordered them to wear
pants instead of the flowing ori
ental robes which had been the
style.
6. Yes, a lung fish can live out
of water for 3 or 4 years.
7. Two hundred and thirty-one
miles an hour, recorded April 12,
1934, on top of Mt. Washington,
New Hampshire.
8. Blythe.
Airman With Canvas Wings
Swoops, Banks and Loops
The only airman to perform
the spectacular stunt of gliding
through the air by means of can
vas “wings” attached to his arms
was Clem Sohn of Lansing, Mich.,
says Collier’s. At an altitude of
12,000 feet, he would jump from
a plane and swoop, bank and loop
to within 2,000 feet of the ground,
finishing his fall with one or two
parachutes.
After making some 200 of these
descents in two years, he plunged
to his death on April 25, 1937,
through the failure of both chutes
to open, before 100,000 spectators
at an air circus in Vincennes,
France.
Unlike on old horse, an old
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Let’s go to town
—tit home I
N O TELLING what tomorrow’s weather may be. It tools the best fore
caster. But we do want chintz tor the windows. We do need a car
pet sweeper, a new percolator, and a new end-table in the living-room.
And we don’t want to slosh around rainy streets to hunt them. Problem:
How to thwart the weather man. Simple enough! Let’s sit down by the
fireplace and read the advertisements. Here it’s comfortable and snug.
We’ll take the newspaper page by page, compare prices, qualities,
brand-names. Tomorrow, rain or shine, we’ll head for the store that has
what we want, and home again in a jiffy.
•"Buying at Home"—through the advertising columns—gives you wide
selection, more time to decide, and satisfaction when you decide.
• MAKE IT ONE OF YOUR PLEASANT HABITS I