The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, April 04, 1947, Image 7
ALL IN THE FAMILY
Seth Huggins brought his dilapi
dated flivver to a noisy halt before
the village store, and shouted up to
the proprietor sunning himself by
the doorway, "Wall, Si, you said I
» couldn’t dew it, but, by cracky, I
done it.”
“You done whut?” asked the
storekeeper.
"Sold that there old bag-o-bones
mare of mine—that’s whut I done.”
he shouted exultantly.
“Gosh amighty, but you air a
smart one!” cried the amazed Si.
"That there critter wam’t wuth a
dime. Whut did you sell her fur?”
“Nope, she wam’t wuth nothin,’
’tis true,” agreed Seth. "But all the
same I sold her fur a hundred dol
lars—got the money right here in
my wallet, too.”
“Seth, I got to hand it to you,” de
clared Si. "You shore air a slick
trader. A hundred dollars! Why
that there mare wam’t wuth even
five dollars. She wuz 20 year old if
she wuz a day and blind in one eye
and spavined and wind-broke and
all petered out. Who, in the name of
St. Peter, did you sell her to?”
"Who do you reckon?” exulted
Seth. "I sold the critter to ma!”
VOICE FROM THE REAR
"Ruth,” moaned her long-suffer
ing husband, “you promised you
wouldn’t buy a new dress. What
made you do it?”
"Dear,” replied the modern Eve,
“the devil tempted me.”
"Why didn’t you say, ‘Get thee
behind me, Satan’?” the poor man
inquired.
"I did,” the little woman replied
sweetly, "and then he whispered
over my shoulder, ‘My dear, it fits
you just beautifully in the back.’ ”
Shocking News
The village dead-beat, returning to
town after a long absence, was grati
fied to find a new shop had sprung
up on the main street during his
travels, and that it bore the invit
ing sign: "Come in and have it
charged!”
•Hoping that the new merchant’s
ignorance of his bad credit reputa
tion might enable him to get some
thing without paying for it, the prod
igal hastened into the new establish
ment and eagerly inquired, “What
do you charge here?”
"Nothing but batteries,” was the
obliging reply.
Trimmed the Loss
The man who always looked at
the bright side of things had the
misfortune to suffer from burglars
who raided his store.
"But it could have been worse,”
he said philosophically. “You see,
I didn't lose as much as I might
have, for I had just finished marking
down things for the month-end
sale.”
Not Root of AH Evil
“Would you marry a man for his
money?” asked one chorine of her
girl friend the other day.
“Not exactly,” replied the girl
friend. “But I’d want my husband
to have a lovely disposition, -and
if he didn’t have money he’d very
likely be worried and ill-natured.”
STUBBORN, EH?
The jury had been locked up for
hours. One of the jurors had refused
to agree to the view of the others.
At last the officer of the court was
instructed to provide refreshment.
"Shall I order 12 dinners?” he
said to the foreman.
"Make it 11 dinners and a bale of
hay,” replied the weary foreman.
Wait Its Torn
"Yo sho does look worried.”
“Boy. I’se booked up solid on wor
rying. I’se got so many worries on
mah mind that if sumpin happens
to me today. Ah won’t get time to
worry about it foh two weeks.”
Poor Old Pop
Father — Be careful with that
money. Son. Remember a fool and
his money are soon parted.
Son — I know, Dad, but I want to
thank you for parting with it Just
the same.
THE- NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY. S. C.
NANCY
LITTLE REGGIE * By Margarita
MUTT AND JEFF
By Bud Fisher
REG’LAR. FELLERS Rv Gene Bvmes
SILENT SAM
THEY RE LINED
S OP POR THE
I START - /
By Jeff Hayes
A COMMON FAILING
Passing by a small negro church
recently, a traveler was attracted
by the organ-like .tones of the par
son’s voice coming from within. He
paused to listen to the morning
prayer, and learned a new term to
describe sin, which was expressed
in the following:
“Oh Lord, dis yere little flock ob
mine am prone to gossip! Oh Lord,
dis yere flock ob mine am prone to
bear false witness! Oh, Lord, dis
yere flock of mine am prone to
steal! Oh Lord, dis yere flock ob
mine am prone to do things which
ain’t fitten to mention in de house
ob de Lord! Oh Master, deliver dem
from de prone!”
NO ADVICE WANTED
Smith's legal expenses had been
running high, so when he met his
lawyer on the street, he said:
"Nice day, isn’t it? Remember,
I’m not asking you. I’m telling
you."
Executive Type
Jeremiah agreed to cut the grass
for two dollars, but when Mrs. Ste
phenson returned home from a shop
ping tour she found him lolling un
der a shade tree while another man
was painfully pushing the lawn-
mower over the grass.
“Shame on you, Jeremiah,” the
lady admonished. "Hiring someone
else to do your work for you. How
much did you agree to pay him?”
“Two dollars and fifty cents,
ma’am,” was the lackadasical re
ply.
“Why, Jeremiah,” exclaimed the
startled Mrs. Stephenson, “that’s 50
cenjs more than I agreed to pay
you!”
"Ah know dat, Miz Stephenson,”
was the calm rejoinder, "but it am
wuth 50 cents to be boss all after
noon.”
Why Work?
The famous psychologist had just
delivered a most interesting lecture,
and was now conducting a question
session.
A timid little man down front held
up his hand, and was recognized.
“Doctor,” he said most respect
fully, "did I understand you to say
that a good poker player could
successfully handle any sort of ex
ecutive job?”
“That’s exactly what I said.” was
the confident reply.
‘Tell me. Doctor,” asked the little
man, "what would a good poker
player want with a job?”
Played it Safe
An astrologer who had foretold
the death of one of the mistresses
of Louis XI of France, which pre
diction had been fulfilled, was sum
moned into the royal presence to
hear his own death sentence pro
nounced as a consequence of his
wicked prophesy. "Seeing you know
everything,” said the King, "tell
me, when will you die?”
“Three days before your maj
esty,” replied the astrologer. He
kept his head.
WILLING TO WAIT
“How dare you swear before my
wife,” demanded the indignant hus
band.
T am very sorry,” replied the in
toxicated man, “I was unaware that
your wife wanted to swear first.”
Vacancy Coming Up
There’s a tale going around a col
lege campus of a certain English
professor who went over to a local
apartment house and asked to see
the list of people living in it. He
didn’t have to go through very many
names before he found the one he
was looking for, and said, “Put my
name down for this man’s apart
ment, please. I just flunked him,
and he’ll be dropping out of school
any day now.”
Worth the Trouble
“I believe you are thinner than
the last time I saw you, Mrs. Jones.
Are you taking treatments or diet
ing to lose weight?”
"Oh no, I’m losing weight be
cause of all the trouble I’m having
with my new maid.”
"Why don’t you fire her?”
"I’m going to just as soon as she
worries me down to 140 pounds.”
Night Golf
Wife—Well, what excuse have you
for coming in this time of night?
Hubby—Well, my dear, I was
playing golf with some friends
and. . . .
Wife—What? At 2 a. m.?
Hubby—Sure; we were using
night clubs.
Old Red Eye
"I hear the sergeant drinks some
thing awfuL”
"Yeah, I tasted it”
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'lAJarm 'lAJeath er flor ^Jots
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8138
12-42
1605
1-6 yri.
Practical Outfit
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• • •
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* * •
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f
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