The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, May 17, 1946, Image 3
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THE NEWBERRY SUN. NEWBERRY, S. C.
CROSS
TOWN
By
Roland Coe
“I’m afraid I’ll have to apologize for the mulligan.
Today’s a MEATLESS day y’ know!’’
“For the last time, Alvin—where were you when I
was ready to go?”
SALESMANSHIP
A hawker, his truck filled with
paper and envelopes, was yelling,
"Here y’are! Box o’ paper an’ 25
envelopes on’y one dime!” Another
hawker, crowding the first out of
the way, shouted as he pushed a
bigger truck: “Five cents—box o’
paper an’ 25 envelopes! Only one
nickel!” The two men glared at
each other. The spirit of competi
tion ran high. Finding the two kinds
of paper identical, people bought the
cheaper. The more the dime man
shouted, the more of his rival’s
stock people bought. Finally sales
ceased. Everybody had bought
enough to last a year. The dime
man departed first, the nickel man
a few minutes later. The dime man,
waiting around the comer piled his
stock on the other’s nearly empty
truck and said with a chuckle, “It
works fine, Bill, don’t it?”
GOING TOO FAR
A fellow was sitting on a park
bench asleep and there were about
25 flies on his nose. He woke up,
looked at the flies and was too lazy
to brush them off, so he fell asleep
again. Finally a bee came along
and stung him right on the nose. He
woke up with a start and said,
“There’s always got to be a smart
aleck in the crowd. Just for that,
everybody off!”
MUTT AND JEFF
By Bud Fi«her
JITTER By Arthur Pointer
REG’LAR FELLERS
By Gene Byrnes
A Bunch of Lilies
Monty Woolley, the man with the
razorless beard and the razor-edged
tongue, looked as if he had suffered
a change of heart as he came
beaming into a hotel with a stunning
bouquet of flowers. He said to the
manager:
“These flowers are for the phene
girls.”
Overcome by such graciousness,
the manager burst out: “Oh, thank
you, sir. You compliment our serv
ice.”
Woolley’s eye transfixed him on
an icy dagger.
“Compliment, nothing!” he
bawled. “I thought they were all
dead.”
Quick Thinking
A film actor and his wife were
seated in a secluded corner of their
club. The wife had a tongue like a
shrew and was berating her hus
band in no uncertain terms.
Unnoticed by her, a party of ac
quaintances approached within ear
shot, just as she delivered herself
of this: “You mean skunk! Of all
the slimy snakes I think you are
the worst. You’re just a cheap
skate!”
Noticing the people who had just
arrived, the husband, who deserves
a medal for tact, said: “Quite right,
my dear; and what else did you say
to him?”
Caught On Quickly
Three-year-old Nancy was a radio
fan. Nancy listened with rapt atten
tion to everything—music, speeches
and station announcements.
One night she knelt to say her pray
ers. At the end she paused a mo
ment and then said:
“Tomorrow night at this time
there will be another prayer.”
INVITATION ACCEPTED
Stern father (sarcastically): “Say
young man, it’s past midnight. Do
you think you can stay here all
night?”
“Gosh!” exclaimed the innocent
young man, “I’ll have to telephone
mother first.”
VIRGIL By Len Kleis
SILENT SAM
By Jeff Hayes
Not Guilty
With a grinding of brakes, an
army officer pulled up at the side of
the road.
“Say, sonny,” he called to a small
boy standing nearby, “have you
seen an airplane come down near
here?”
“No, sir,” declared the boy de
fensively, hiding his slingshot behind
his back. “I’ve just been shooting
at a bottle.”
A Bit Crowded
Severely jostled in the thundering
herd of New York’s subway rush
hour, a fragile young lady was final
ly crammed among the standees.
Her sense of humor was not im
paired, however. She poked her
face close to the ear of an adjoining
male.
“Look, she demanded tartly, :
“my rib—is it crushing your el- 1
bow?”
Time Makes Changes
An old man one day neglected to
assist his wife into the street car.
“John,” she said reprovingly, “you
are not so gallant as when you were
a boy.” To which he replied, “No,
and you are not so buoyant as when
you were a gal.”
T
NEEDLECRAFT PAHERNS
Smart Cross-Stitch for Linens
C'MBKOIDER these fruits in nat-
^ ural colors on dining linens.
It’s just cross-stitch but it looks
like gingham applique; use on
scarfs, too.
Lemon and orange skins can be
grated and used for flavoring in
cakes, puddings and other des
serts.
—•—
When best linens get worn, cut
around weak areas and insert cro
cheted motifs in other spots.
They’ll look as if they were intend
ed sp.
—•—
Moths will not remain in rugs
Which are sponged at intervals
with hot water to which a little
vinegar has been added.
-—•—
When buying needles, choose
those with a smooth finished eye
and smooth, sharp point. Thread
won’t fray as easily and point
won’t catch in the fabric as you
sew.
—•—
Fill a bowl with fresh water and
In it drop a few drops of house
hold ammonia. If allowed to stand
overnight, the mixture will rid the
room of the odor of tobacco smoke.
Do this cross-stitch in two shades of a
color or varied colors. Pattern 836 has
transfer of nine motifs 2Vi by ZVj to
15 by 15 inches; stitches.
Due to an unusually large demand and
current conditions, slightly more time is
required in filling orders for a few of the
most popular pattern numbers.
Send your order to:
Sewing Circle Needlecraft Dept.
564 W. Randolph St. Chicago 80, 111.
Enclose 20 cents for Pattern.
No.-
Name-
Address-
Before Auto, Many Queer
Vehicles Were Developed
For 200 years before the first
steam automobile was built in
1770, a number of strange me
chanical vehicles were developed
in Europe. Several were propelled
by one or two men who tufned
the axles with treadles or winches;
while others employed sails or
kites. But the oddest of all these
cars had its wheels geared to a
windmill erected on its roof.
KID O’SULLIVAN SAYS
'Get O'Sullivan SOUS as well as
Heels next time you have your
shoes repaired.
EASY DOES IT
UP mu
or dows:
Kool-Aid
M0R0LINE
I SAFETY 1 QUALITY PETROLEUM
How to CHANGE A
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2 Park off the highway
if you can possibly do
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you must park on a curve,
a light should be set on the
road some distance back.
Be sure neither you nor a
bystander blocks off the
view of your tail-light!
a Keep all your tire
changing tools tied or
boxed together, where you
can pick them up without
searching. Remove your
spare before jacking up car:
removing it later might
push car off jack. If alonet
set flashlight on a stone ia
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4 In your car or at home—wher
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only on "Eveready” batteries. Ask
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