The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, September 29, 1944, Image 3
THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY. S. C.
Notes of a Newspaperman:
Londoners relayed this one via D.
Chandler . . . About the luncheon
rendezvous between the King and
General Eisenhower, during which
His Majesty turned to the General
and remarked: “What do you think
of Montgomery?”
Eisenhower paused and then re
plied: “He’s a great military
genius, but frankly I often have the
feeling he’s trying to get my job.”
“Oh, really?” said King George.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“How do you mean,” Ike asked,
“you’re glad?”
“Well,” answered the King be
tween giggles, “to tell the truth I’ve
been a little worried about the same
thing, myself!”
If this George Bernard Shaw sally
has been printed, it eluded us. Ten-
nyrate, at his last birthday he told
newspapermen: “Yes, I am now 88
and I haven’t an enemy in the world,
not one enemy!”
“A beautiful thought,” responded
a reporter.
“Yep,” added Shaw, "I’ve outlived
them all!”
At a Hollywood gathering the oth
er night Donald Ogden Stewart
made a talk on the brave new world.
He told the story of the little boy
whose Sunday school teacher asked
who made him. The boy replied:
■“I’m not done yet. I plan to have
a part in making myself.”
Joe Alger is the chief copywriter
of Life promotion . . . With others
on the staff Alger was figuring out
a new slogan for Fortune . . . For
tune, they all agreed, was changing
in character and it should also have
a new slogan . . . His clown sug
gestion got a howl, to wit: "Although
Fortune is only half the size of the
phone directory—it is twice as in
teresting!'’
Mark Ethridge, the Louisville
newspaperman, and his wife recent
ly had Vice President Wallace as
their house guest . . . Mrs. Ethridge
recruited the entire family to help
dust off things, wash every window,
etc. . . . After two days of house
cleaning, Mrs. Ethridge cautioned
the children: “Remember now, Mr.
Wallace is a very simple man.”
“Well, if he is," groaned the tini
est of the Ethridges, “then all I can
say is that we’ve done a lotta un
necessary work!”
It happened in the Stork Club . . .
Two handsome young Army lieuten
ants walked in and table-for-two’d
across the way from where a Major
was seated with a charming young
thing . . . The wolves decided to
try and meet her—but how? . . .
They scribbled a note to the Major,
hoping he would be flattered by it—
and send for them . . . The note
read: “We wish, sir, you would set
tle something for us. We are seated
across the way. My friend says you
impress him as being a lawyer in
civilian life. I say you have the
manner and poise of a dignified doc
tor.”
The Major enjoyed the flattery for
a moment but after noting their
handsome features and youth, sent
back this message: “I was neither
a doctor nor a lawyer as a civilian.
As a matter of fact, I was a taxi
dermist and I fully intend to pre
serve this pigeon for myself!”
Lint From a Blue Serge Suit:
Mme. Chiang Kai-shek walked out
because his first wife is living in the
house . . . Tax experts point out
that Frank Sinatra’s income of
$1,450,000 will net him little more
than $25,000 . . . The Dep’t of Jus
tice is insisting it be consulted on
the legality of any peace treaties.
A movement has started to deco
rate Bob Hope, Jack Benny and oth
ers who have gone overseas with the
boys . . . Ben Swig, a Boston realty
man, bought the St. Francis Hotel
(Sam Francisco) for 4% mill. He
paid $750,000 in cash. Four days
later ne sold half interest for that
sum. In short, he owns a 4% mil
lion dollar hotel for the price of a
round trip ticket to the coast.
The G-Men have a complaint
about a musician in a symphony
orchestra. He allegedly refuses to
play the National Anthem and
curses it.
Baseball is the only enterprise
that hasn’t raised its prices . . .
His friends are urging a high diplo
matic post for Mayor LaGuardia . . .
Knopf will get James Stevens’ new
manuscript, said to be a master
piece. He gave Paul Bunyan to
American literature.
William A. Lydgate, editor of the
Gallupoll (his book, “What America
Thinks,” is due on the 26th), offers
this to show what Americans think
about Germany. Not long ago they
took a poll asking people how they
thought Hitler should be treated aft
er the war. Practically everybody
wanted him hanged, shot or impris
oned indefinitely. There were a lot
of ingenious suggestions from the
public. A San Francisco school
teacher said: “Have somebody read
bis own speeches back to him day
and night until he goes nuts.’’
AXfHO is the top fighter in the
v v world, pound for pound? This
query covers many years, in addi
tion to the present calendar.
On the human side our selection
has always been Harry Greb—a 160-
pound whirlwind
who in ring contests
or training periods
practically wrecked
such stars as Gene
Tunney, Jack Demp
sey, Tom Gibbons
and Jack Dillon.
I am referring to
the Greb that had
two eyes, when he
first wrecked Tun
ney and Gibbons
and when he com
pletely bewildered
Jack Dempsey with his speed in a
training spot.
My friend Frank Back goes on be
yond Greb or Stan Ketchel, Joe
Cans or the pick of the human lot.
Buck nominates the Wolverine—a 35
or 40-pound terror from Michigan
and a few other northern midwest-
ern states.
“The Wolverine, pound for pound,
is the world’s gamest and greatest
fighter,” Buck says.
“The Badger is tough, but not
quite that tough. You know even a
250-pound bear doesn’t match any
part of the Wolverine—who is not
only fast and strong, but who likes
to fight. I can’t think of any animal
who won’t give the Wolverine the
right of way. What he could do to
a 100-pound police dog wouldn’t
even be close. I can’t think of a
dog that a 35-pound Wolverine
wouldn’t wreck in a few minutes.”
Our knowledge of Wolverines had
been largely limited to Michigan
football teams. These also haven’t
been any too soft. But they haven’t
quite been able to match their name
sakes since a team known as Minne
sota’s Gophers have annoyed them
no little in recent years.
In animal parlance the Gopher is
no great killer. But he is something
different on a football field.
I asked Dr. Buck just why a Wol
verine is so tough. “Every part of
him is tough," Frank said, “includ
ing teeth, claws, and especially
heart.”
Worlds Best Fighter
I tried to pin Buck down to nam
ing the world’s greatest fighting ani
mal.
THE POSTWAR FURNACE
The postwi-r world is going to give
a break to the man who tends a
furnace. The job is going to be no
more trouble than switching the dial
on a radio.
•
The furnace of tomorrow will '’Ot
;ake up much more room than f3
electric toaster.
*
Science and engineering, with all
their wonders, have neglected the
furnace. It is what it has always
been, a huge, cumbersome, awe
some, space-hogging apparatus full
of temperament. That frustrated,
broken look on the faces of countless
Americans is due to furnace respon
sibilities.
♦
Shaking it down and removing the
ashes has made ipany a man hate
cellars, northern ^inters and the
discoverer of coal.
•
But at last something has been
done about it, and a furnace per
fected that will be a thing of beauty
and joy all winter. It is heralded as
a robot-heatwave, a jet-heater, a
jeep furnace.
»
You can carry it home under your
arm.
Its special appeal is that it leaves
no ashes, has no grate, requires no
shaking and is as self-operating as
an oil burner.
*
It is, in fact, the coal industry’s
answer to the oil furnace. The
oil industry has been battering the
coal industry around for years with
out getting much opposition, but a
battle is ahead.
•
The Anthracite Industries incor
porated is the popper of the new
demi tasse self-operating furnace.
It only takes up a space two feet by
two feet and is a simple device con
sisting of a couple of gears, a blow
er, a water pump and some blades
which chop up the coal as it is
automatically fed into the fire box.
•
It produces a terrific flame in a
few seconds and is guaranteed to
have mom yelling “Turn off that
heat!” instead of squawking "Hor
ace, you’d better look at the fur
nace again. You opened the drafts
two hours ago and nothing’s hap
pened yet.”
Grantland Rice
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERNS
Pretty and Comfortable Frock
A Smart Collarless Cardigan
A S PRETTY as they come—and
as comfortable as any yet de
signed, a frock with a wide-shoul
dered effect which is achieved by
the subtle placing of the two rows
of frill which ends neatly under a
velvet bow at the waistline.
• * •
Pattern No. 8683 Is in sizes 12, 14, 16, 18
and 20. Size 14, short sleeves, requires 3lfc
yards of 39-inch material.
For this attractive pattern, send 25 cents
in coins, with your name, address, pattern
number and size.
Smart Two-Piecer
'"pHE smartest of the high-priced
suits are collarless—and Amer
ican women will take this cardi
gan fashion to their hearts instant
ly! You just can’t have too many
separate cardigan jackets, suits
and two-piecers in this style.
• e e
P-ttern No. 8660 is in sizes 34. 36. 38. 40.
42, 44, 46 and 48. Size 36, short sleeves, re
quires 4 yards of 39-inch material; lb yard
contrast for collar.
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT.
530 South Wells St. Chic a so
Enclose 23 cents in coins for each
pattern desired.
Pattern No Size
Name
Address
a
IT PAYS BIG
* y*
if In a recent survey, farmers re
ported that inoculation of legume
seed with NITRAGIN (1) gives
bigger yields, (2) makes faster,
earlier growth, (3) helps get a better
stand, (4) gives more vigor to fight
weeds and drought. NITRAGIN
helps legumes add up to 123 lbs.
of nitrogen to the soil per acre.
INOOULATE VETCH; CLOVER.
WINTER PEAS WITH MITRASIH
It pays to Inoculate every planting
of vetch, alfalfa, clovers, winter
peas, other legumes with NITRA
GIN. It costs only a few cents an
acre and takes only a few minutes
to mix with the seed. It’s the oldest,
most widely used inoculant. Look
for it in the yellow can at dealers.
Writs for free legume booklets.
C D C C Write for helpfsl booklets eboet
■ “ c E toll balMinf . . . How to srow
batter telaeies. Address below.
I
m KlIAM C8, 38M l lata St.
ASPIFtl!
EORirt URSEST SEUER U Ht
/'"A REALLY FINE TEA^ .
ORANGE PEKOE & PEICOE /
■P€fl
r
l
t
■ CORN FLAKES ]
"The Orals* ate Or eat Foede”—
•Kellogg’s Corn Flalms bring you
nearly all the protective rood elements
of the whole grain declared essential
to human nutrition.
This naturally leaves the human
out unless you give him a gun. The
human is a rather puny animal
when he isn’t armed. Twenty or
thirty animals would outclass him
on even teims.
Among the best of the animal
breed Mr. Buck includes the ele
phant, the gorilla, the tiger, the lion,
the leopard, the grizzly and the big
python.
“The elephant is Just too big,” he
says. “But one of the greatest fights
ever known would be between a
tiger or a lion thrown against the
grizzly bear. They would be well-
matched in weight. The grizzly is
much stronger than either a tiger
or a lion. He Isn’t as quick but ho
has a thick, protecting'coating of
hair around the throat. But either
a tiger or a lion would have to get
him in a hurry or lose the decision.
And I don’t think either could get
him In a hurry.”
“What about the grizzly, lion or
tiger against a big python?” I asked.
Buck had brought back a python
that measured 29 feet.
“You may remember,” he said,
"that in the python-tiger fight pic
ture I made, the python was on the
winning side. I wouldn’t want to bet
on any animal against a big python.
I saw one kill a leopard in just a
few seconds.”
Gorillas Tough, Too
Then we began talking about Gar-
gantua, the big circus gorilla. How
would he come out against any
thing except an elephant?
Mr. Buck admitted that Gargan-
tua would be something to stop. Big,
powerful, fast and vicious—some 600
pounds of dynamite — Gargantua
would be no pushover against tiger,
lion or grizzly.
We are offering these vital statis
tics to those who keep asking how
Louis and Dempsey, or how Tunney
and Corbett would come out in a
swinging joust.
Our answer is that Louis, Demp
sey, Tunney and Corbett would be
completely outclassed by any griz
zly, lion, tiger, gorilla, python or
king cobra in any hand-to-hand or
fang-to-fang collision.
Gene Tunney still thinks that a
good fighter can lick a gorilla. I
don’t think Greb, Tunney, Dempsey
and Louis together could handle
Gargantua.
There is practially no cleaning to
be done. The old man can give it an
annual renovating with an old tooth
brush, a nail file and an eye drop-
It will be in production as soon as
Hitler and Tojo are disposed of.
•
Swell!’Now we have the furnace
of the future all attended to.
*
But how can we get the coal of
the present?
Private Purkey Nears the Reich
Dear Harriet—
Well, I am not sure where I am
now on account of the armies in
France don’t stop long enough even
to look at the signposts, but if I
ain’t in Germany I am close. Uncle
Sam has got a new secret weapon.
It is a jet-propelled G. I. We are
moving so fast, Harriet, that wind
shields should now be compulsory
equipment for foot soldiers.
*
I would not be able to write this
letter except we have just slowed
down to 30 miles an hour. I don’!,
know what we slowed down for but
Sergeant Mooney says it was on ac
count of we had to send some scouts
about 100 miles to locate General
Patton.
*
It has been almost like a sightsee
ing tour with me the last few weeks
and I seen a thousand places where
Hitler once slept and most of the
towns where the Nazi supermen
once stood. It looks to me like the
Kraut is the fastest folding soldier
in history.
»
I seen thousands of captured
Nazis in the last couple of weeks
and I ain’t seen a goosestep in a
a carload. Anybody who says Ger
many will never surrender on our
terms is nuts. The ones I been see
ing will surrender for a drink of wa
ter and a cool place to Jay down.
«
This liberation business is nice
but it is too fast for cumfort. I
would rather of liberated a little
slower so we could get time to buy
at least a postcard in some of them
famous French and Belgium places.
But if a G. I. stops to tie his shoe
lace here he becomes AWOL.
All my love, Oscar.
Best Football Teams
“Which section of the country on
a general average produces the
stronger football teams?”
This is one of the favorite queries
you get from service mail where
men from every section are thrown
together around the world. This in
cludes the East, the Midwest, the
South, the Southwest, and the Far
West.
My guess would be the Midwest,
Which includes the Big Nine and
Notre Dam*),
“Officials of the New York stock
exchange announce that the spread
ing of rumors about stocks must be
stopped.”—News item.
Wanna bet?
»
nagine stopping rumors on the
:k exchange! Lots of people
i’t buy a stock unless a few
lors are thrown in with it. “It’s
I ever get for my money,” com-
ned Elmer Twitchell today. “If
lust choose between stocks and
mrs, gimme rumors.” „
I his is NO dreamed-UP headline—no “tone poem” conceived on an inspired
typewriter. It’s the way the army explains the command “Fix bayonets—chargel”j
Only the Infantry has it put to them in these words. As one doughboy said:
Til remember those eleven words the rest of my life.”
> ■
Remember? How can he forget them? They describe the climax of the
Infantryman’s assault—they describe the most cold-blooded action on a battle
field. Yet Infantry officers and men have advanced, countless times, to kill or
be killed... at Saratoga... at New Orleans... the Argonne... New Guinea... 1
Salerno. There’s no rescinding of this order—no retreating—no nothing but
plain killing.
Right now, the men of the Infantry are closing in for the final kill They’re
advancing every day—advancing to the order of “kill or be killed.’’ Remember
this the next time you see a doughboy on furlough. Remember this the next time
you almost forget to write that letter. Remember it till your dying day. You
can’t pay the doughboy back—but at least you can be forever mindful of his
role in this fight for freedom.
Weep your eye on the Infantry—THE DOUGHBOY DOES IT!"
)
V.