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The Hcnson. ? Gerninn professor who Is giveu to groat deliberation of spouch nnd hns never boeu known to Increase its spocd under tho most compelling circum stances had an amusing experience in a restaurant not long ago. The waiter had brought him raw oys ters, and, to his dismay, he snw that the professor bad apparently no Inten tion of tasting them. "I canuot eat these oysters," said the German slowly, without raising his eyes to the anxious waiter. The man seized the plato and boro It out of sight In an Instant. Ho was a new rwnlter, and It was with much trepida tion that he laid tho second supply of oysters before this discriminating pa tron. "I cannot eat these oysters," said the professor after one glance at the pluto which had been Bet before him. "I?I think you'd find them all right, sir," faltered the waiter. ''I don't think there's anything wrong about them, sir." He looked miserable, hav> Ing been told that the German was a frequent and valued patron of tho res taurnnt nnd must be well nnd quickly Borved. "I cannot eat these oysters," an nounced tho professor for the third time, with the calmness of chorus in a tragedy, "because as yet you have fur nished me no fork."?Youth's Compan ion. The Public Taute. Several kind Workers pooled their Efforts to Insuro the Waifs a happy Holiday. They rounded up the little Hlckeys at a Mission and gave them a l"*reo Show. Every Swipes In the Place was a Monday Night Gallery God, so the Church Talent was going against a knowing Proposition. A palo yoimg Man with amber Fire Escapes sprang a line of Parlor Magic that would have queered even a Sup per Show. Tho Bunch advised him to back off tho Dump. When a Yopng Lady with Glasses tackled "Stabat Mater" on the Violin they broke her up with Cat Calls and told her to toar off some Bag Time. They tileated at the Amateur Elocutionist and acted Bowdy when a Stout Woman got up to read a Fairy Tale from Hans Chris tian Andersen. Then they began to yoll for Mulligan and Hicks to como on and save tho Show. Whereupon two pug faced Kids carao forward and did a Hottentot Song and Dance with a Buck and Wing finish that killed them dead. Moral.?The Wolfs cannot bo expected to lift themselves many Notches above the Public Taste.?New York Herald. A TeMtlmonlnl Worth Ilavlitfr. v An Inventor, having produced a won derful hair invigorating fluid, sent n case of bottles to a bald editor, with a request for a testimonial. Ho got it in these terms: "A little applied to the inkstand has given It a coat of bristles, making a splendid penwiper nt a small cost. Wo applied the lather to a twopenny nail, and tho null Is now the handsomest shaving brush you ever saw, with beautiful, soft hair growing from the end of It some five or six inches In length. "Applied to doorsteps, It does away ,wlth tho use of a mat; applied to tho floor, it will cause to grow therefrom hair sufficient for a brusscls carpet. A little weak lather sprinkled over a shed makes It Impervious to the wind, rnln or cold. It is good to put inside chil dren's cradles, sprinkle on tho road side or anywhere that luxurious grass Is wanted for use or ornament. It pro duces tho effect In ten minutes."?Col lier's Weekly. African* Wanh, hut Never Wipe. Great attention Is given in most of tho African tribes to the care of the body. The teeth aro cleansed with a stick which has been chewed Into a kind of brush. The hands are washed frequently, not by turning and twisting and rubbing them together ono within the other, as with us, but by a straight up and down rubbing, such as Is given to the other limbs. ?This manner of washing is so charac teristic that an African might bo dis tinguished by it from a European with out reference to the color. The sun Is their only towel. The Earlleiit Ciffara. 1 The earliest mention of cigars In English occurs in a book dated 1735. A traveler in Spanish America named Oockburu, whoso narrative was pub lished In that year, describes how ho met throe friars at Nicaragua, who, he says, "gave us some seegors to smoke; ? * * these are Loaves of Tobacco rolled up In such Manner that thoy servo both for a Pipe and Tobacco It solf; ? * * they know no other way hero, for there Is no such Thing as a Tobacco Pipe throughout Now Spain." A Change. i "Wo must economize," he said por emptorlly. "I'm so gladl" his wife exclaimed. "You toko tho announcement more good naturedly than usual. * "Yes; It's pleasant to hear you ObO the plural pronoun. Ordinarily, when there Is any economizing needed, you expect me to do It all." Quite I.nnA. 1 Tudor?Harris gets all bis clothes ready made now. Button?So he told you too? ' Tudor?He told mo nothing. He didn't have to.?Boston Transcript Should you wish a Sideboard we dan please you at prloos that suits your purse. rm^Z - ? 8. M. & E. II. Wilkos. Great Opportunity for the Farmers of the State to meet in Their interest. The Spring meeting of the above So ciety will be held iu tho Aui'itoiium on tho Exposition grounds. Charleston, on tlie ?th day of February uext, at 12 o'clock M. In consequence of this mcotiog, this day lias been sot aside by tlio Exposition authorities as "Farmers l>?y," aud the general attendance of tho farmers of the State is expected. In addition to the interest attaching to the meeting and tho Exposition, the Good J toads Convention will conveno in Charleston on tho '.id and continue through he 7th, February next, and those attending the meetings of the So oicty can also take in the meetings of the Good Roads Congress. This will DO quite an interesting convention and one well worth the attendance of all farmers. All members arc urgently invited to attend. T- W. Hollow ay, Secretary. Tho World's Greatest Fever Medicine ? Johnson's Tonic does in a day what slow Quinine cannot do in ton days. Its splendid euros aro in striking- con trast with the feeble cures made by Quinine. If you arc utterly wretched, take a thorough course of Johnson's Tonic and drivo out every trace of Malarial poisoning. The wise insure their lives and the wiser insure their health by using Johnson's Chill and Fever Tonic. 1c costs .">0 cents if it eures; not one cent if it does not. Grat? Fenders at 98 cents. Fire place Fenders at 95 cents, $1.00 and $1.10 at S. M. & E. H. Wlikes. NOTICE. - wm ??? Tho Auditor's Office will be open from the 1st day of Januany to the20th day of February, 1902, to receive returns of Real Estate and Personal proporty for taxation in Laurons county. For the convenience of Taxpay ers the Auditor will attend tho fol lowing named places to receive re turns lor said year to wit: Young's Township, Cook's Store, January 22d. from 10 a m to 2 p m. Young's Township, Young's Store, January 23d, from 10 a m to 2 p in. Young's Township, Pleasant Mound .January 21th, from 9 a in to 12 m. Young's Township, Lanford Station, January 24th, from 2 to 1 p m. Sculllotown Township, Tylonwille January 25th, from 10 a m to 2 p m. It will save much lime to tax payers, also greatly facilitate tho work of the Assessor, if ov ery poison before leaving homo will make out a complete list of every item of personal property in tho following order : Horses, cattle, mules, sheep and goats, hoge, watches, organs aud pian os, buggies, wagons and car riages, dogs, merchandise, ma chinery and engines, moneys, notes'and accounts above indeb tedness, and all other property, including household. It is always required that the Auditor get the first given name of the tax-payer in f?ll. Under tho head of place ef residence on tax return,give the township. All male citizens between the ages of twenty-one and sixty years, on the let of January, ex cept those who are incapable of earning a support from boing maimed, or from other causes, are deemed taxable polls, Con federate veterans excepted. A^d all tax-payere arc required to give number of their school district. They are also request ed to state whether tho property is situated in town or in the country. After the 20th day of February next fifty per cent, penalty will be attached for failures to make returns. In ovcry community thero aro persons who cannot read or that do not take a newspaper. Thoso more fortuoato may do suoh persons a great favor by tolling them of tho tinio to make returns or by returning for them. Tho assessing and collecting taxes is done in the samo year, and wo have to aggregate tho number and value of all horses, mules, oattlo and other pieces of personal property as woll as tho aorcs of land, lots and buildings and their valuo that there aro in this county, and hnvo the samo on file in tho Comptroller Gen oral's office by tho 110th of Juno of each year, and from that time to tho first day of October the Auditor's and Treasurer's duplicate havo to be completed and an ab stract of the work in tho Comptroller General's office by that time, which will show at a glanco that tho Auditor hau no tinio to take roturns, or anything clso much, between tho 1st day of October, but work on the hooks and tho blanks. Wo hope, thoroforc, that all taxpayors will mako their roturns in i i. W. L, FERGUSON, Auditor. Dec. 5th, 1001.?tf. rtKBBBEBBBBBBBBBBBjBBBBBBBBjBBBBBBBB.rjj'j'jauauEBBBBEBtri j flsti?ir>a CiiTe Ft eeT 8 pi -o- n 2 A3thmaleno Bringo Irt3tant Relief and Permanent Cure in all Casesn i -o-? ? n Sent Absolutely Free on Receipt ok Postal. n - ri There Is nothing liko Asthmaluno. It bringsj] instant relief, oven in tlio worst cases. It euresn when all else faila. ? The ltov. ?. P, W?lls, of Villa Itidgo, HJ.,n says: "Your trial hottlo of Asthmnlnne recoived?j in good condition. I cannot tell you how thank-n ful I fool for tho good derived from lt. I was of) slave chained, with putrid aorothroat and asthma'n for ton year:?. I despairod of ever being cured ,g I saw your advertisement for tho cure of thb?p dreudful and tormenting disease, asthma, sndr thought you had overspoken yourselves, but re-p solved to give it atrial. To my aatonlshmont, ther; trial acted liko a charm. Send;me|ti full size bothio.vr! We want to send to every sufferer a trial treatment of Asthma-n ] lino, similar to tho one that cured Mr. Wells. We'll send it bypj D mail Postpaid, Absolutely Pro/5 of Charge, to any suflferer whor. 3 will writo for It, even on a postal. Never mind, though you areg ? despairing, however bud your case, the moro glatt we are to send it.13 g Do not delay, write at once, addressing Ott. TAI?!' BROS.' MEDJ-g D CIN 10 CO., 79 East 120th 8t., N. Y. City. Sold by all Druggists. B u r.rr.r>r.r,r,r.r.r.rrir.r.rr nnna^nnnr -j-j-ji:ju'jaarr.r.rnr.rr.r>r.r.r.rr.nr.r<r, CHAINED - . rOH TEN v YEARS Men Who Mean What They Say are rare. But poople believe U9 when we tell them that only the best class of Merchandise is han dled tit THE HUB^ And once having tried us they are ours. The best of everything in Dry Goods, Notions, Wraps, Underwear, Millinery, Etc. And tho best of all Is, tho prico ia right*. Wo guarantee sat isfaction with every purchase or your money back Try us. > "JMms !? U IS. An Ordinance Imposing an Annual Tux on all Tax able Property In the City of Lau ren* to Raise Supplies for said City, for Fiscal Year, Com mencing January 1st., 11)02. Section I, be it ordatnf.d by the City Council of Laurons, of the City of Laurens, that a tax of Fifty Cent? on every Ono Hundred Dollar?; worth of the assessed valuo of all property, Real or Personal, not exempt by law from taxation, sltuatod with the limits of the City of Laurons, "be, and the samo is horeby lovled, for corpo rate purpose, to defray the current ex penses ot said City, for the Fiscal Year commencing January 1st, 1902 , and to meet such other Indebtedness, as has been contracted by said City foo* corpo rate purposes. That an additional tax of Thirty Cents on ovory One H undrcd Dollars worth of the. assessed value of all property, real or personal, not ex empt by law from taxation, situated witnin the limits of jtho City of Lau rons, bo, and the same is horeoy levied, to meet the interest to become due upon the Thirty Thousand Dollars Bonds, Issued April 1st., 1K?V7, for the purpo-o ol meeting the cost- ot budd ing and equipping tho Water Works and Electric Light Plants, for said City, and to pay at lenst Ono-fortleth part of tho cntlro bonded debt into a sink ing fund, to bo used in aid of tho re tirement and payment of said bonds. SEO. II. That the Clerk of the said City, shall onter said levios and assess ments upon the books of said City and receive said taxes. That the said taxes herein lovled shall bo paid to the said Clerk in lawful money of the United States, on or before the 1st day of March. 1902, nnd any person fuiling to pay said taxes, shall bo liable to the penalty now provided by law for th-e failure to pay tho general Stato tax. Done antf ratified by the City Com i cll of Laurene, of the City of Lauren,a, at the City of Laurens, and the Corf io rate (L.S.) seal of said City alllxcd, t'.iis the 1st day of January, in tho year ? of our Lord Ono Thousand and Nine H un dred and Two, and In tho Ono B un drod and Twenty-six year of the sov ereignty and Indopendonco of tho United Stales of America. C. B. gray, Mayor. Li g. B?LLE, Clerk of Council. COCAINE'^WHSSK? Itnbttn Ourtvl At ray Knn m?r Inin, In SO ilnyx. Jlhni Irrd* Ti.itr. I<? ikon . A<!<lrri? . v.. tA. U/OCI.L.EY. Mm o.. Atlanta. ,Cr. Notice of Final Settlement Take notice that on tho 15th day of February, 11)02, I will render a linal ac count of my acts and doings as Exoou tor of tho estate of Bethany C. Hoi combo, dee'd, In the ollico of Judge of 1'robato for Laurons county, 11 o'clock, a. m., and on tho same date will apply for a final discharge from my trust as such Executor. All persons having demands against said ostato will please present them on or beforo that day, proven and authen ticated, or bo forovei* barred. J. J. HOLCOMHK, Executor. Jon. 15, l?J02.-lt Somo special bargains In Iron Beds to oiler. Como In and see for yourself. S. M. & E. II. Wilkes. Unaiio and Acid. I oan supply Guano and Acid In any quantity. The host grades that are mado and cboap as tho cheapest. Call and see? our gaods before purchasing .elsewhere. M038r8 Johnson <fc Godfrey havoGuano and Acid stored with us, also. So you soo you.can get any kind by calling on J. Wade? Anderson at tho Merchants and Farmers Bonded Warehouse. Atlantic Coast Wne. Faat Lino botwoen Charleston and Columbia and Upper South Carolina and North Carolina. OONDKNSKDSCUBDULB, In Effect Jan. 18th, 1901. Goino Whut. Going East No. 62.. No. 53. tA. M. tP. M. 0 25 a m 1/7 Charleston Ar 8 30 p in 8 02 a in' Lanes ?13 pin 9 28am " ?uniter " 5 35pm llOOnm Ar Columbia Lv 4 15pm 12 17pm " Pronperlty " 240 pin 12 30 p in " Nowberry " 2 31 p in I 13 p in " Clinton '* 153 p in 1 35 p in " Laureiin " I 35 j> in 3 10 p in " Greenville " 12 01 p in 3 10pm " Hpartanburi; " 1145 am 7 13pm Winnsboro " 1018 am 0 20pm " Oharlotte.N.C. " 8 10 a in <> 11 p in '* IlemlerBonvllle " 0 02am 7 15 p m ?* Asheville " 8 00 a m t Dally. Nob. 62 nml 53 Bolld trains botwoen Charles ton and Oreenvillo via the Atlantic Ooas Line, Columbia, Newberry A LnureiiH K R. and CharleHton A Western CarolinA Railroad* H. M. EMERSON, General 1'ansunger Agent. J. R. EKKlY, T. Mi EMERSON, Ge n'l Manager. Trattlc Manager DE OF VALUES! For the next 15 Days we wili offer our entire line of One Dollar, fine wide all-wool, Ve netian and Broadeloths at S)Oe. These goods are all this seasons purchase and embrace the most desirable shades. Those who are on the look out for a nice Black Dress of la test weave, fast dye and perfect finish at a moderate cost, here end your quest at W. G. Wilson & Co. Trjese Goods at First Cost, with Freight. Ofie If 0x7 Bebstead^ (A Beauty) Oi?e Cottof) lylattfess (Doublo Section?Bost Quality.) OI^I* Set of Sprites. These goods are nicer quality than we geno* / rally keep in stock. They wero ordered for a special customer who didn't take them. Hence there is a ?rare bargain in them. i^aureus Cotton Mills Store. T. C. LUCAS, Manager. ii. e. (j hay j, c shealy, GRAY & SHEALY, '& / . . DRESSED m ?wk in both DRESSED and UNDRESSED tates for Lumber Buyers. age quality at prices, the Builder Carpenter, ''(^^ .;? ; v . ^ Farmer or Householder, x| ', I at figures bolow regular. V-;-;..' ,:-L-U-M-B-B-R of all kinds, grades and dimensions. All reliable, well-seasoned stock. Tell us your needs and we will quotejprices. Mantels, Columns, Scroll Work a Specialty. QUAY & SHEALY, Laurens, S. C. THE OLD 1 KENNEDY BKOS. "K tho Undertaking business at tho old stand. COFFINS, CASKETS and ROBES, and HEARSE, at tho , LOWEST PRICES.?^ A continuauco of the gonorou patronage hithorto extended us olioitod. Roctfully KENNEDY BROS.,Laureas, S. C