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Got the Colic faid. Two deaf mutes vio boarded an high avenue car at Thirty-fifth street, N. Y., good-looking young man and a pretty you1 woman, made tho' fingers fly lye knittii needles as they "talked" to each other, as their eyes snapped and twinkled as so happy or brilliant thought was thrown from their finger ends. A tall, lean mi with a western beard and ears was deep interested in the young couple, but his i terest, judging from the expression of I face, was of a gloomy nature. At last sighed, or, to speak more accurately, I suspiration took the form of a half-supprei ed grunt, and turning to the reporter ] said : "Stranger, it's a sad sight to see t young bein's like those doomed to wand alone, as you might say, through this wort for of course if they went ind in hand lit other couples go, they couldn't talk ; at whateve.t manual labor they may be do] they've either got to endure solitary co linement, as it were, or else drop their wo and loaf." "You wouldn't s'pose I understood t1 deef-mute language, would ye ?" continu the man from the West. "Well, I d and 1 can understand all that that feller ai his girl are talkin' about. I don't fe ' much sympathy for them either, on accou of their intliction, because they're maki fun of the people in the car" The reporter suggested that that was good deal likb talking behind one's back. "That's jest what it is, stranger. I knov bcause I've been thar myself. I larnt ti deaf-nute language because it helps me mny business of ini roducin' my art i-Ilcial al ditory appalratus. That'll make. you he talkin' behind your back, no matter you're as (leef a i a bed-post. I've had son right larfable experiences with with th here arti-ficial auditory apparatus. Or day I was tnavigatin' through a village in thne northwest. corner of Illinois 1111(1 1 sa the door of a little ranch open. Now, yc know, a patent-right m1an allts goes inl the house if he sees a door open, and there ain't anly open he's sure to get in s0111 how. Well, in the front pait ..f this ran< was a baby rollin' roun(l in a crib with i face lookin like a dish of angle-wormIls at cryin' enough to raise the mischief. 13 the mot her 1as sittin' elus by the cra(le al larlin' like to split herself. Says h 'Madame, what on arth air you lartlh' at ? She di(d11't 11malke 110 answe', an' she did lit know anybody 'cept, her kid was thar till tapped her oil the shoulder. Then sI looked up nil' I see she was (leer. So telegraphed to her an' asked her what sli Was larlii' at so hearty. 'Vhy,' she teh graphed back, only to see that deatr little it nocelt crowinl' all' larfin' ; The angels talkin' to him, I do believe. 'l1adname says 1, 'that baby is cryin' hisseif to death S tan( lie's got the colic ha>.' 'What. (o yo mean ?' says she. 1 pulled one of the. anditories out of my pockel,'" contiulled tli interesting stranger, producing one of ti instruments-a very vimall alfair--and ton ing it to the re'oirter in true western slyl "an(1 clapped it into the woman's car. I at secon(d she bust utt cryin'. 'Be cam says I, 'he eam1.' 'Oh, how (nnl I ?' sa3 she. 'his is the first. tile I ever heard in blessed child cry.' I ain't ashamed to ow up that I shed a few tears of synpalthy fi her. But when I had sort o' collected m3 self together aagain, 1 says, 'madame, at you've got to (o is to give that baby at (10 of paaigoric and not ev(n this delicate it strument will enable you to hear his moan for he won't moan. You'll save a doctor hill, d11(1 this arti-ficial auditory apparati costs only $2.' She paid the $2 suddenI and I sloped, leaving her futur' very happj "lit speakin' about talkin' behind yot back," he continued, "I tried my auditoi once onto anl old maid, who'd become din from y'ears. D)id I sell her ani auditory ? guess I dlidn1't. She siaid as 800on as evi she put it to her ear' It to(1ld er- that i niece own~' stalirs was5 a-talIkin' ab)out he( and( thalt It lied, for nobody' never talk< abouit her, not even her niece, ialthoughi si wias an imipudenmt lit,tle hussy, al11us runnl arter the y'oung men01. I got oult o' th1 house almlfighlty sudden, leavmn' the old ma11 talkin' behinld hIer niece's back.-' ii The auditory muan laughed and chucki' and thlen sai "Nowv, stranger, I'm goin' to trys lmy a di1tory' oni that youn~g gal, and( you'll see it don't make her hear just as wveil as8 3' He then went over to the young wonia commuicaliited wvith her for a tuoment in hi paced the instrument in her eari. For few seconds she took the alttltiud %f eager listener, and then, dahilg the instr ment to the floor of the car, miovedl her fl promptly signalled the conductor to St< the 'car. The auditory mianl, who bte jumIpedl to his feet, stoo(d looking after tA young couple, andl when they had reacht the sidewalk lhe retuned to his seiat besh te rep)orter. "What wasq the matter with tIhe y'our lady ? se h eotr "T1hat's where it is," said the audit.o ant-ica adtryapaau reconstructs p and toned( downI. it's too p)owerfuil. miakes the least wvhilsper sound1( as loud the roar of a Maine stump orator. As so< aever that air gal put1 it, to her car al heardsoedyu intecre th tldkin' about hecr an' her feller, anid nate aly it made heri mad. I'm sorry. Shew a nice, roundl( girl, wvan't she ? anld 1 kine she'd htave bought oneC If it wvan't. for the. fresh youiig fellers chimdnit' about her in fortewns." Uhlamiber furnniture mladle of eboniz wvood in imiltation of the r'ich ''chony i gold" mlore0 c31o1mo iln tile Ea1sten lien sphiere, is quite p)opular, and1( thlere ale fe fine fur'niture stores in tis city3 in whi< more or' less of It 'Is not dlisplayedl. Sor sup)erb specimenis were shown at the ?i chelamilcs' Fair last. Fall and attracted nm attention. Theii process of cbomizsing wo, icomuparatively slimpIle and1( has beend scribed as follows: The wood isfii'st stait ed wIth a decoetoon of logwvood, which i hepuirchlased from aiiy driuggist or (deal in ye-tufs.It Ia dissolved in warm w ter will hold. Application to the wvood made with a lar'ge soft-bristle brush, ai the surface Is rulbb)ed with a cloth to pi vent the formation of a giiinmy' coat them on. After the ariclle hlas blen loft to d1 for a 'few hours, the second( applcatio wiCh consists of vInegar: In wIch a har quantit,y of nails or clean Iron filings ha been soaked for several days, Is also free laid on - wIth a brush. The moment t vInegar touches the wvood it comblines wi the logsy6,od solultion in the0 pores, mnaki an ink whlichl is a permanent jot black stal T 'ho inWlence of the ironi In tile vInegar all-important,s and It is .really thlat wihi does tlhe work. If any tendency to gra nes is noticed, a second treatment with t l ogweyd, and vinegar are necessary, but IA seldom hlappens If the materials have be prpoli1 used in tihe first instanmce. Wh perfectl dry,' the artIcle is varnIshed a rubbed down or finIshed with f1grniture well ribbed-in." A dead black sur'face a, what Is sought after. Oherry is consider th *vqd fer ebonizing;i. -anid the fi ni ibchf bave .r6iferred Is me "' u',te.oo 'ial and bee< er sed with effect. A 1% 1*Ar~ doe will answei'. Ai lAGRICULTURE. _YN U .IINTs IN ROAD MAKINO.-Thore Is no 1g class of the community that is more af 19 focted by the condition of highways id than farmers. Upon them are trans 'I0 ported whatever surplus products the >ff farm affords, and upon them the farmer in depends for his opportunities to pass ly fromt one neighborhood to another. n- Now so far as the transportation of tis heavy loads Is concerned the amoutit lie that can be transported bears a direct is proportion to the condition of the road s- bed and its devllvity; both of which t e may be combined to greatly reduce the load, or either alone may be the means vo of measuring the load that can easily er pass along without serious hindrances. .I; Aside fromn that class of obstacles which to may be properly considered as lusur mountable, in all cases roads should be ni,mproved'In every direction and by all n practical means. Other things being k equal, the more firm the rcad bed, the better it is for travel, and also the better for conveying loads. But very frequent fu ly the road passes over such a variety ,d of soils, even in moderate distances, as 0, to present a variable surface; where id ever such cases occur they can be el amoended by artificial means, that Is if it a portion should be sandy, by the addi Il' tion of a little dry or compact earth its condition will be so changed as to make a it much harder and better able to sus taiu a load. Atmospheric conditions v, may also very materially atIeet tempor e arily tho surface of a travelled road, n aside from those changes occasioned by I frost; thus a clayey road which' would Ir be rendered exceedingly muddy after a i' severe shower would be very much iml e proved by the use of sand and gravel. i Where the soil is inclined to moisture, t a partial system of underdrainage will not only prevent mud at the time of l showers, but will also very Iuch as-ilst v in inaltalhing t good condition when he frost is coming out in tihe sprng, whltien otherwise would render it ttlm if passable. As a general rule, In the re )Ir[', say ilg not.lhing of the constructiont I of roads, too little rugard is paid to the is material employed; It is entirely wrong to make use of vegetable matter that Is It sttbject to deeny and change, for al 1 though wlien ill at dry state it maity be I passable upont a road, when wet by meais of 'alu anid showers it occasions >t slough holes and mud. It is better for I the farmer, and cot t:illly much better c 'or the road, to have the sods growing I in the ditches conveyed to the farmyard e and used for composting, rather than have thei used in ally repairs. Where - it cali be obtiti under ordinary cl". s cutaniclulesi, ia gravelly lamn will I ike a good average road t>ed, and wllt be come so comipuct as to forum a compara t Lively hard and stooth travelling path and is the material which should be used. It is 11o uitComm111on tlilg to see e upon i lIucl travelled road at seine ptoint a short distance that is extremely bad under nearly all circumstances and whlichm rincains the same year itter year for want of an applieation of a few coi mlon-sense ideas In the matter of re spairs. n IIAVE A l'IIn PoND IF You CAN.--It r is not every farm that can have a fish ' pomd on It, but there ire manny farmis II that could have them ats well ats not. We Wherever there is a good strong spring i- to feed it, there i profitable fish pond a, can be made. Illluidreds of farms have 'a swamps or marshes, too low to drain is without great expense and fed by y springs, and these could be turned to r. profitable account by turning them In 1r to fish ponds. We don't meanl prolita ble in the way of making money, but .r In saving it. The flesh of fish is a I wholesome diet, better every way thlan er0s much l'at or measly por'k. We know or pIeni 1.3 of farmers whio scarcely taste fish ,' from one1 year to anlothler. Not because thecy are nlot fonld of fisht, buw because theIy can't get thleml wIthout goIng some edtIstance after them anId paying a good " prIce inl thte bargain. A pond1( of an it acre or so ini extenlt, stocked wvit,h vaI it etles adapted to tile pla1ce, wouldt fura-. nish abundance of the very best ment, d costing nothing to priodiuce it, eit,her. As to tihe catching, It is only sport, and u- that part can1 be safely delegated to tihe if boys or girlis. We are sure, ailso, thait )l such1 an1 linstitultion 011 tIle farm wouild pr'ove one of' its chief attractions, if ni, your boys are inclined to leave the farm. er We write froma knowledge in tis mat ly ter having in earlIer days caughlt manyfl a a "nice string" of 11811 in a ponld that mn was f'ormerOlly ai swamp. During one Lu- dry') August tile OW ser, wvithl two of is n- boy.s, went luto it with a plow, scr'aper' 1o and shlovel, anid in a short time hlad a 'lp p)ond of' nearly ant acre in extenlt. Th'lis ad lie stocked wvithl fish common to the 10 sluiggish streams of' the necighIbOrhood an oe procured at a distance, and Icfor y'ears tereafter' it proved to be tile best acre on tile place. gENGLISH AND AMEn1CAN FARMINo. A recent number of the LOiondo Econo~ . mist gives an interesting, alld(, as it os oul seem, very careful- comparison 3between farming ill England and farm It lng in America. In England one as acre yields oin an average bhirty bushels mI of wheat, while in America it ylils 1e on an average only thir'teen. Th'ie re A melean far'mer imuist, coseq 1111ti,y, r- cultivate two andi a hlalf acores in order na5 t.o prioducie the same1 quallntity of wvheat wv as tihe English f'armler ratises Onl one in acre. llowv is it, then, tile paper01 asks, s- Lihat tile Ameeanai farmerci, call, never theless, not only compete wvith the En glish farmer, but event boat him in his own mnarket? The answer wheh lirst presenits itself to tis quiestiont Is the iienlormiouls dliffeence of rent inl England .anid Amer'ica; but tis difference Is, as5 wv tihe paper01 shows, nearly, if not alto shl gether, oblIterated by tile cost of traits tie p)ortationl 1'rom tile western 1101(ds to the 0- Enaglishi marlket. The real advantalge Uh whtlehl the Amnerican farmer 11as over :ud the Englishl lies in the chleapnes of 'eii .c- i lvation. In the settlemenlts along the ni- Red r'iver, in Nor'thiern MInnIesota a 13y plow may be run through the soft alhi1 or vial soil foir more thani fifty miles it a a- straight 11110 without enicouniteinig a a- stone, a tree 01' a hill, a f'eatur'e to is which ]Cngland doees not offer the faint e *e- A-NTs.--T'ake twoe pounds(1 of a1lui anid ydhselve' in thrlet' qu~aI te of'boiling water ; n~ let it st and on the fire unltil all tr'aces of the alum dilsaplpear, and then appliy it ewith a brush to every chlink and crevice iywhere the ats com11 in. 'They dislike eCar'bolle acid, too, where it can be safe LIly squirtedi in tand over their haunats, proves eflectual, is ch Easily incurred, Terrib,ly Obt,smte, y- Is rhenmatism. EIven a the outset, the ordi he t:ary remeodios are frequently powerless to lie cop with it. This is more paicoularhy tito ease when a tendeno'- to it Is inh'ariitd.I1 enl should be combatted before it becomes ehronfe, on When the first twinges. aie felt, irecourse ad should be had to Ilestetter's Stomach Biftters, sil a deparent.which expels frm the blood those irritating prinoiple. 'which, b7contaoc, cause 15 inflammatIon and pain in Ie knuso'es and ed joint., Po' shotis medIcines wh ich are maallyi ur' admlnietidfor this disesas, but whih i 6 yst slight ovoi .~ -ruminate itb 4try ed ig life itself a hde tavoide,ai t)Ihf' . a more effet vs medicineusdte4 bThose disrtdere of the bowel., atom san yli'ter which fte azth oo~~may tholimct'o h en gouty. ilmhtepi nvuttabty remo,e4 by thips let bta 09mreot4veyo Modern Slue Lawe, No hOrse car oonductor shall wear a bell punch and grow wealthy at the same time. No poor, ragged cb:ld shall be cared for except to be bunched into a picnle once a year. Any muan hanging out an ice cream sign as a temptation to the unwary, must take the most of his opportunities here ; he shall never freeze ice cream in the hereafter. No man shall use profanity in the pres once of miscellaneous company unless he can "swear to a mark." Any young man courting a maid without the consent of her parents, shall be punish ed by slow death-living with a mother-in law crosser than a letter X. No one shall be a freeman, or cast a bal lot, unless the returning-board of the town or district in which lie resides thinks he will vote the right way. No one shall sail on the Sabbath day un less he owns a private yacht. Dedicated to the "Rose" of New England. Whoever publishes a lie to the prejudice of a neighbor, shall be admired of all men. Truth tellers shall be shunned as unwel come personages. Any poor man found drunk shall be fined; any rich man discovered in a state of ine briety shall be sent home in a hack. A man who brings up his children in idle ness, shall haye an uncomfortable old age, made miserable by a set of Ingrates. Whoever brings cards or (lice into the community, will be pulished by the loss of his property and standing in society, unless ho understands the game. The workingnain's Sabbath shall be more oppressive than the days he devotes to toil; the rich man's Sabbath shall be a first-class champagne party. No woman shall kiss-We'll take that back. Woman sihall do just is she's of a mind to. No one shall run worn-out steamers oni a regular line--they shall be used exclusively for excursion parties. It being important that the word of the Lord shall run and have free course, all clergymen are required to take a six week's vacation, so as to effectually "seat.ter" tile gospel inl the mountains and sea-coast re gions. No man shall chew tobacco unless ais salivatory organs are developed for the business of high art dlecorations on the pa.ve ment and other public places. Stealing less than a thousand dollars shall be considered theft, punished by hard labor in state prison ; stealing one hundred thousand dollars shall be deemed an irregu larity and the irregulator shall be punished by having a carpetetl cell, private table and i prospective pardon in an "institution." Married persons living together furnish their oWn punishlent. BR1aIu-.oADING S H O T G U N s. Brecet-loadiig tire arws wre invented and used by several nations as early ar the sixteenth century, and specImens o them are now to be found in the arse. nals and museums In nearly all ,no cap. itals of Europe. Within the last hun dred years many attempts have been made to improve the breech-loading systems and apply them toshot guns, but with only partial success until in 1880. Ml. Lefaueheux, of Paris, invented what is known as the Lefaucheux pat ent, and introduced cartridge eases made of paper and brass, or what is called the "Pin Fire" cartridge case. This cartridge ease was a most Important and valuable addition to the breech-loading systems, as it practically and effectually closed up the breech of the gun and prevented the'eseape of the exploded gases in that directlon at the moment of diseharge, and, consequently, caused a range and penetratlon of shot equal to that of good muzzle-loading gunls. In England these new InventIons were not favorably received, and it was not untIl the large and exeelient dis play of breeeh-loading guns, made by Leutaucheu x and ether Paris gun makers, in the Lo,ndon ExhibitIon of 1851, attracted such general attention that tihe English gunmakers as a class began the manufacture of simIlar guns. During the pat twenty-five years the most skilful gunenakcers in England have given much time and ingenuity to p)er fecting breech-loaders, and many Improvements have been introdueed, whIch have resulted In producing the most perfect sporting guns ever made. The double b reech-loading shot u tns, made by James Purdey. & Sons, Lon don, have never been equaled for finish, qualty and. power, but they are very expensive and only owned by sports men of tine tastes and abundant means. The guns made by Charles L!ncaster, Stephen Grant, Westley Richards & Co., WV. & C. Scott & Son, P. Webley & Son, W. W. Greener & Co., are less costly and within the reach o1 most sportsmen. In this country tihe talents of Invent era have been largely directed to m--. proving breech-leading lire arms, In ritles and pistols particularly, and our readers are, no doubt, familiar with the names of Colt, Allen, Sharps, Rollin WVhite (inventor of the original patent used by Smith & Wesson and known 1a8 theirs) Remington and others. The perfection at tained in this country in the manu facture of metallic cartridges gave an immense impetus to the perfecting of breech-loading rIfles and pistols, and the United St.ates now stands at tile head of all nations as the producer of the best and most effective ruled arms for mnilitary or sporting p)urposes. Bly,the application of machinery these arms have been mad e at the various private armories in immense quantities, fin ishedl so perfectly alike in all parts that every piece ma interchtangable In every arm of the same class and pattern ; but as shot guns require to be made of so many various bores, wveights, lengths, bends, qualities, &0., it was dif ficult to produce them by means of ma chinery. 'Tho Wesson Arms Co. and :Ethan Allen & Co., about 1870, at. tempted this, biut were only partially successful and soon abandoned it. Af terwards, by adopting a few fixed models as to bore, weighmt, &c., and a limited variety of st.yles of finishi and quality, the application of machinery to such work became practicable, and most excellent shooting breech -loading shot, guns arc no0w made by Parker Btrothmers, Remington A~ Sans, Nichols & Lefever, Fox's P'atemt and Oolt's l'atent Fire Arm Manufacturing Com pany; tihe lattei- is the last and most successful In this line. Iemnmerless breoch-loading shot gun ' nave 'been made for several years in England, and some handsorne spool mena were shmown at the Centennial Exhibition'In Philadel plla, but they are being slowly introd uedl into this country. They embrare an Important improvement. - however, and will gradually grow into favor as th iv merits become better known and th *y are reduced in price.. We recently hiadan opportunity, to examine ~d ompere piodern- breech. loaders of nglish and American mnan ufac'ure, Is great variety, at the old es, tabilshed house of Joseph 0. Grubb A Co., Philad Sphia, and we wereo both intereested a 4 surprised at theo skilful workmwanahip, lyeaut of form, and groat eftloloigey deve oeIin this broh of industry. This frm has primnted panphlets nicely- illustrated, which they will ~ iOth~Seto par. [tinS Io asht g; their ar -Wlaf reliable atid 9tlo~ mor . BOMESTIC. I3AKINU, BOILING AND BROILING.-in1 baking, see that the furnace or oven is O properly heated ; some dishes require a more heating than others. Look at the t object in progress of baking from time a to time, especially at the beginning; o' turn it round, if necessary, in ease it ' be heated more on one side than the other, to prevent burning. In baking neat and fish, besides keeping the bot- r torn of the pan covered with broth or water, place a piece of buttered paper over the object in the pan. It not only prevents it from burning, but acts as a self-basting operation, and keeps the d top moist and juicy. If the top of a t' cake bakes faster than the rest, place a piece of paper on it. Boiling it the b moat abused branch in cooking. We 3 know that many well-meaning house- -a wives, and even professional cooks, I boil things that ought to be prepared i otherwise, with a view to economy; b but a great many do It through laziness. " Boiling requires as mIuch care as any other branch, but they do not think so, and thertforo indulge in it. Another 2 ibuetilis to boll fast instead of slowly. I ot !mall ocean of water on a brisk r tire and boll something in it as fast as f you can, you make much steam but do d not cook faster, the degree of heat be- f lug the same as if you were boiling I1 slowly. If the object you boil, and es pecially boll fast, contains any flavor, tt you evaporate it, and cannot bring it a back. Many things are spoiled or part- t ly destroyed by boiling, such as meat, t coffe, etc. Water that has beon.bolled a is inferior for cooking purposes, its gases and alkali belug evaporated. In i broiling, grease the bars of the gri iron first. Broiling and roasting are d bhe same thing; the object in process of cooking by either must be exposed to lhe heat on one side and the other side Lo the air. Bear in mind that no one can broil or roast in an oven vhatever be Its construction, its process of heat-g ing, or Its kind of heat. An object cooked in an oven is baked. It Is better to brpil before than over the hre. In broiling before the fire all the juice can be saved. In broiling by gas there is a great advantage. The meat is placed under the heat, and as the heat draws the Juice of the meat the consequence is that ths juice being attracted upward it is retained in the meat. A gas broiler is a square flat drun, perforated o )m one aido and placed ever a frame. ? l'u broil on live -coals or on cinders " without a gridiron, Is certainly not C better than with one, as believad by a mnany; ou the contrary, besides not ti being very clean. It burns or chars part o f the meat. That belief comes from ' Ltie fact that when they partook of y ineat prepared in that way it was with 1e t sauce that generally accompanies hunters, fishermen, ote., hunger, the tost savory of all sauces. q la A CHEAP AND ICXCELL..ENT DINNER,- e l'ake the che'tper parts of nice mutton a >r veal (veal is best), such as the neck F and shoulder ; out it into pieces about I; Lwo inches square, and fricasso it as t you would chicken. Bake soda biscuit, d ;plit theut open, and lay then in the A latter under the m.'tt, pouring the d :hickened gravy over the whole. A al very snall onion chopped fine and q .ooked with the mieat imnroves it. CARPET BEI r,Es.-Coninion insect B] owder Is an infallible remedy for the B .arpet beetle and all insect verutin, p [t should be libe'":Ily :-prinkled over a he floor before putting down the car- si et lining, and then undier the carpet a lirect. It will make some dust, which ni an objection to neat housekeepers, but it will cure the othibr trouble eff'ect- h, ially. TIhie choIce lies between- (lust I tuddestroylng creatures that wiil eat C ip the carpet. ii 'I'OMATOE's AND CORN-Peel and cut g nito slices eight large tomato s, cut mtd scrape the cern from half a dozen lar and mince one medium sized o) onion ; mix together and stew half an t hiour. Season with butter, pepper and M salt, and simmer 15 minutes longer. ti Sl ONION Sour.-For ten pints of souip si out tour large onions into little pieces, brown them in two tablespoonfuls of beef drippIng or~ mutton gravy ; add.to ?4 this five spoonfuls of flour; pour some 1; warm water upjonl itand let it, boil. In d serving the soup attd some slIces of 1: bread, according to the quantity of r1 flour, making tihe soup more or less 1 thick. If you desire a tangible evidence of t the imutrity of air that has bien once r breathed, hang up a canary-bird in a I cage at tile top) of a closely-curtainedi z bed-stead, and if tihe bed Is orecupled, a the bird wvill be dlead in the morning. AN individual who called his first daughiter Kate, when his wife presented him with ainothier girl promptly christ oned 1her Duplicate. THEx ties that bind a merchant to his profit-adver-tise. A VENI:TIAN CAR'.-ING.-'Arry (strug gling with ancient fowvl at a Venetian Restaurant): When I'was a kid they used to say there was only one 'en in WVenice, and blest If [ don't believe as this is the worry bl11d. "MIss," said1 a gentleman, proffering his arm and ubrella to a lady in a shower, "permit me to be your beau." "Thank you for your politeness," wvas the reply,."and( as I have plenty of I fair-weather beaus I will call you my I rainbean." \V icx lCD FO CLnoYMN--"I believe IL to be all wrong and~ oven wicked for clergymen or otlher public theu1 to be led into giving testimorials to quack dioctors or vile stufrs called medicines, but when a really meritorious as;tiole 10 inade of valuable remedies known to all, that physicians use and.trust In daily., we should freely commend it.- - 1 therefore cheerfully and heartily com mend Hop Bitters for the good they have done me and my friends, firmly believin~g they have no equal for family use. I will not be without them." Rev.--, Washington, D. O. Importaent to -Malrerers. The greatesti beueta6tor. is o)ho relieve4 pAin aad ouros disese. Dr. . ~ehas .ace andWhfallbl nre foA taes of developunant 20,00 s tAest* tol~ Thatu. I6 is a - ~ul n~p~ty lo Te rlief 'is mtit a omon .*h. h inr1.00 qut oi sen 804$6, k.No sah,e ~UGG58TION 185 priJE -0Fat1 ,tke use of, anid we*i4 estd ~the rnyy a$1 of'suf .(~o~ idu4 whose ouratie pow, .v these dis eas es diat dIUt g tho pi d )~oison thme gbln HUMOROUS. CoMatoMIs.-A citizen driving In a the Holden road the other day met lad about twelve years old on the ighw'y some six or seven miles from ie city. Tihe boy had a shot-gun as mg as himself, but no game, and the tizen inquired: "Out for a hunt?" "I was out for a hunt," was the 3p1 y. "And you havent killed any thing?" "Well. no." "And you don't expect to?" "Not unless I kin git within striking istance. You see, two of us came out >gether. After we got out here I aunted to hunt for lions, and the other oy wanted to shoot ostriches, and so e divided up. le took the powder ad shot and I took the gun. I'm over ere looking for turnips, and he's over i that field watching a holler log for ears. It's such hot weather I guess re won't have much luck, anyhow." 'rnrxltx are no swear words in the loux language. it is said. But don't :t your sympathy go out to the poor ed nau on that account. He doesn't )el the loss of then. Vhen anything oesn't please hin--when, after care .illy sharpeniing his lead pencil the olit snaps off--instead of relieving Imself with a string of oaths, he imut rs two or three terrible-looking live ory words wit,h bay window.i and nisard roars, and rushes out and alps a pale face. This soothes his agry feelings Just as ell'eetutaliy as it e( had all the profality in the English mnguage at hlls conmaud. "Tunl world revolves on its own axis, oes it not, pa?" "Certainly, my son." "Well, does it turn rouid or roll ver?" "Ahem--it tut ns round, of course." "Then I should think we would all row dizzy going so swift." "'Oh, well; don't bother me. It rolls ver." "Then why don't it tip us off?" "Shut up, will you; it Just revolves. iat's all there is to It." "Then it must be a revolver. I told to fellows so, but they wouldn't take ny stock in it." "WHAT news to-dt-y ?" said one of tir city merchants to III friend. What news?" responded the other; nothing, only things grow better. ur people are getting on their legs rain." ''On their lega," said the rat; "I don't see how you make that it." "Why, yes." replied the other; folks that used to ride art obliged to alk now. Is not that getting on their gs again ?" TnERE's a heap of philosophy in thie tieion which a Washington young dy of the mature age of six propound 1 to her aunt t'-e other day. It was fler the story of the Creation and the all had been related. and the young my had been meditating for some tile on the moral of it, when she suld enly broke out with : "Aunty, after dam and Eve disobeyed God, why !dn't he kill 'em and begin over tain ?" It is not impossible that the uestion has occurred to older people. BOARD Schoolboy (hooking at Lyceum ill in window): '' 'Ere's a lark, Bill I less'd if you can't 'Ire a 'am like a lanner." Second Boy: "What d'vr can?" Board Schoolboy: "Why, It 3ys '11am lot.' Go in an' ast 'em how tek for the furst 'our." Alo'RtNER (lookinig atL gloves hlanded tan by the unidertaker( : "Look here, shan't wear 'ern at the ground. ouldni't y ou stanhd a pair of slate color, lstead?"' Unidertaieer : "Very sorry, r, but we niever do.anything in 'miti 'ated !' " A BRiDGEProT cat was in tihe cellar ie day, andr, seng a crab, went up examine it, A monient later the cat as helpinig the crap up the stairs at ie rate of a mulle a minute. TIo a crab ich a rate of sipeed must nave appeared >miethiing unusual. When Longfellow was presented to [r. Lougwort,h, of Cincinnati, the rtter remarked: "There Is no great lifference in our names." "Yes," re lied Mr. Longfellow, "but tvortha i,akes the mant, the want of it the fel no." JOHN Smith's tsauic litts not be 1men1 ionett for' the Presidency. And it ia ot likely that It will be.. He Is dead. [0 reen;tly died in Chicago, two weeks fter lie was lynched in Texas for tealing a horse. Unless a man is enticed by a beauti ul dream of greatness, which visite im night after ni ghlt. he never arrives t any grand achieovement. The'poet cars his song in the air betore he ares to put pen to paper. An 01(1 bachelor, seeing the words, ~Famuilies supplied,', in the in dow QI n oyster saloon, wvent in and said he'd ako a wife aiid two chiktron-a boy nid a girl. IF YOU want your Bady to look bright lo not put it to sleep with lauidanuur vhen restless, but use Dr. Bull's Baby lyrup. 25 cents a bottle. IT has been discovered that the youing non are more bashful in summer thar ni winter. You can't get some chapt rithin fifty feet of a girl durit.g thc ce-cream season. IN-TENTs suffering-camping out. CURED Or DRINKING.-" A young rind of mine was cured of an i nsati able thirst for liquor, which had so >rostrated him that he was unable to 1o an.y business, Hie wvas entirely cured y tile use of Hlop Bitters, It allayed all that buring thirst; took away the spp)etlte for liquor; made his nerves ateady, and he has remained a sober and steady man for more than two rears, and has no desire to return to tile Cups; I know of' a number of others that have been cured of drinking by t."--Fromn a leading R. R. Official, Dhlcago, Ills. Wnm the farmeir's wife has a large washing - to do, she can save half hez lame and labor by using Dobbins' Ehec irio Soap, (made by Oragin & Co., Phil. Idelphiai). One pound of it IA equal tc shree of any oth6r, ThAT rna PnsiowanaPn can "bottle itp'f the voice and ps it down to fu. btre ages, Is Indeed a wonder, but Is niot'the restorator of a loat voice gnor~ worfderfui ? An1yet Dr. PIerce'd 36dri Meial, iscovery speedily re aore "throat, bronohitis ahd o lion. Many Miniasters who had: 4 $oned the pulpit by reason of 0t throat and generael deility have,b th6 itse!of- tife.DiscoVert,be,rt*q io perfet hesith and stregt,8oJd by#uggist e MANAGEMENT OF BULLS.-Bulls kept up in stables, or confined in any way, so as to allow of but one service, would serve more than twenty times the nuin ber they would if with the cows with out restriction. A yearling bull in good health is the most totive of any age, and although in good common herds there was neve any ill result from using bulls so young, and they were generally preferred, breeders o1 pure-breds doubt a yearling's get being as good as at 2 y ears old. Experience, running from 1825, with all breeds of cattle, has shown that by proper man. agenent a bull can sire from 50 to 20( calves per year without any injury t< himself or issue. As a bull becomet older he generally lessens in his desire for repeated connections, but I have known many bulls continue to sirt calves till twelve years, and one purc Shorthorn, of such character as to liav( from 80 to 120 cows on an averag( every year, which held out a sure steel getter till he was sixteen years old When the cows are not in lheat, ard nt outside cows are near to entice the bulb to break through the fence, a good tem pered bull is as well to run with thern and as a bull is the hardiest and strong ostconstitutioned of all the bovine ruci it is folly to give hint anything but th( plainest fare, High, feverish feedini and unnatural treatment. cause bulls t( grow sterile, and tile talk and writing about feeding bulls or raais extra whet they have cows or owes to serve, i most of it nonsense. On the othei hand, well. bred antimals cannot have too much succulent food, so that tlte) eat it all up every meal, and even ii the summer during drouths, when pas tures have dried grass on them, it i good management to have some crop o young forage, such as second growth clover not fully in bloom, Iungariai grass before it is headed out, rape, sow edl sweet corn, or any nice young fresl herbnge which oan be given them til rain comes, and pistures are green anm nutritious agalia. Always have oil--akl on hand, for should all else be lacking that will be a substitute, and is food an< medIcine-a perfect charm. HISKEELL'S TErralt Oi armrr will oure sor Eyolds, Sore Nose, Barber's Itoh on the face or Grocers' Itoh on the hands. It nover faile 50 oente a box, sent by mail for 60 cents. Johnson, Holloway & Co. 602 Arch St.. Phila., Pa. -00 IF YOU ARE NERVOUS AND DEPRESSED takA HOOrLAND's GEuMAN IS1TREIlS. HIESErL's TErrA OiwrxMN'r will cure al soabby or scaly disoases or the skin. Oakland Female Institute, NORRISTOWN, PA. WTNT1IR TKltM WILL CO1n 1NE SEl'TEM BEt 9, 1879. For circulate addtrose J. ORI Et IALSTON, Principal. J UST PUBLISHED, Til YOEIll OF WORlIP FOR CHOIRS, FOR CONVENTIONS, FOR SINGING SCHOOLS. Price 31.00. 69.00 per dozes. rIHE VOICE OF WOltSIIII,byT.O. EMRRSoN J ielke other Ohuto lt 111uisle by the s3unu nil t .or, promnlnunt for xracaful an beautiful itudo and for th ieo skill and judgtment displaye~d in is lection amnd arranmgomtont. The Firsi Hundred Pages Inolude the SINOINS SC1100LL COUsE, in whiol are otund niny Rite h.rinonis,J songs or gloos fo practice anid imjo% mount. The Second Hundred Pages re fille il t,m be s o tiym 'Ines, sentences The Third Hundred Pags contain a capItal set of A N L'n I Als. specimoen copIes inatIed post-free for $1.00. EME1lSON's vooAL~ METHOD, (just out) ha pra neramg oit f fable , ad other In, examine. Price $1.50. Oliver Dltson & Co, Boston. J. EI. DITSON & C. O BITTKRS. ROPS, ?BUCRU, MAN(DRAKE DANDE~LION, 3m ?Un 15?s A.En BEar MuDioAz. QUArAra ow ALL, oramal BD'raus. Di ease of the Stomach, Bowels, Blood, Ltwe idaers, and Urinary Organs, Nervousness, Aslep stui espeelally Female complaints. 61000 IN GOLD. be paid for a ease they will aot.m.e o hetp, o or anything Impere s' rijurions found is them. Ask your drugga for Hiop Bittere and try fore you sleep, Take aseother. -. 0 isoaseoatuu an sess aat Ue f sopim , sendS for etremlan, TO ADVYERTISERS. IN" We will fturnisls on application estimntes for Advertising in the ben and largest ciresulated Newspapers ii the lUnited States and Cansadas. Oni tacilities are un Ipassed. We mnak< our Cusitomer's' interest. ourt own, ant study to please and mnake their Ad erting profitable to them, as thou asads who have tried ns can testify, Vail ssa'addrsess, S. M. PETTINGILL & CO., 87 PARK ROW, New York. 701 CJlESTNUT street, Philadelpliia. A la.. RE1 (IIiANVMEFOR Att THlE COMPLETE HOME Ily MIre. JULIA MoN AIa WVRlollt. The theme Is ono upo'n wt loha the author b.ring and travel b mtia in tis o unty ~md mI'e old wor . TIhe fu'l-piged colors'd plates, Ilu st rating Ancsen asd Mogers omnee ar.e muarvele of- elae nec an hsoreht fore bee, offed and hemd Ageutsw hftveolsu e o S Jmee o critiee pronmonnoo e or full description aind t9ams eddres limhe Put 30 s. Snmva,mrm st., PhI ladulphm a, Pa. *21 CATAR sie asatdpluihtoatd 6a DE VOIlE'S noten'oh ale a4 a SEND FOR A SAMPLE OF FINE OOLONG TEA At 40 Cts1 per Ibil Tilipson Blac' Soa & Co., No. 1613 OilEBTN UT St., Philadelphia, Pa., DEALERS IN Choice Family Groceries Of Every Doseriptou. 1EA0VLI., Opera Glasses. Ulorosoope+. Eye OlusTee.* 'Tfrrn+oto.a, laro.metura At Oreatly Reduced Prices. It. R. J. BL+'K, Manuteotur' lug 0pticians 1'hiludlphia. M ed a sulp for iIintrute+ Catalogue of 141 pages. and mentiou this paper. r o sol to fatmUtes, bot de and large eunant" era O u s t hn he cor; ut l iy and terms thebe.ot eey+h call or write 1 1to k) Wi1' tOPAN l 201 Fulton Street, N. Y. Box e wil pay e nlu a Salary of per month ar,d expu++s,w or n luwa nl gr' ctnmisaior, to sell our now and wo'toerfl I.ivnYbs. I mean'uifat uue sau Samoo fro%. Address snIeunAN &Co.. blarshal1. 3bo When Trade is Dull Judicious Advertising Sharpens It. HOW TO ADVERTISE. 4gr Soo PETTENUILL WHEN To ADVERTISE. 4 AW See PETTENGILi WHERE TOADVERTISE. rv 8oo PETTENa,ILL WHOM TO ADVERTISE TIIROUGH. 1P" See PETTENHI 1.1. GO TO 37 PARK ROW, NEW YORK, and o Seo PETTENIJILL. EXODUS To the best lands in the bet climate with the f et markete, and on ?hu beet terms, along tho 11 40 of It y. 3,000,000 ACRES Mainly in the Famous RED RIVER VALLEY OF THE NORTH. On long time, low prices and easy payments. Pamphlet with full information mailed free. Apply to D. A. McKINLAY, Land Com'r, St. P. B. & M. li'y. Nt. Paul, M1nr.. M. PETTEN4AILL at CO., Adv'rtislng SAgoltsl, 8T Park how, New York, and 701 stnt Stlcet, Philadelphia. tecelvo adver tisementi for publication in any part of the world at loweSt bates. ADVICE as to the most Judicou9 advertising and tile best mediums and the manner of d ing it..-ESTMATES for one or i re insert lone of an aden iseme to any number of papers, forwarded on application. 3[TIl YEAR OF VV T1IE1OUNT SEMITNAtY, Norristown, Pa., Ilegins Noeptembor Pith. Patronized by people dos ing their sois thoroughly Fo iprepared f r CBollege or buainoss J0'fIN W. LOPH, Ph. D., Prinoipa.. GENTS' SEND POSTAL FOR PIitliOE List and Instructione for FINE Self-bonsuremon.t, to F. BA RTrETT, SHO29 South NiNTi Street, Philadelphia, Pa. GOOD ADVERTISING CHEAP. $1 AH vilagenewpa er an ad vort,ls. ment occupying one iolth pine', one time; or ix sInes two imos; or breo lines tour $20 CAsH, i avan,wiiner i ar tI-ement of one inoh space, one timo; orsix lines two times; or throe lines four times Address 8. H. PETTE~NGILL & 00., 37 Park Row, New York. Or, 701 Olhestnut St. P'laa. Advertlsiang done in all nowspapors In Uint Pi Sin tea anti O.in"'as at t.he ilowest~ rates. Gun at .1 up. ionbe.bare ren loasat $h2t isols of noat aproed nGlis anAerican NhWuit eOlit,,D n -1EGl a 8 tpts, at guns yet made for the price. Prioes on JOS, C. GRUBB & Co.e 712 Market St., Philada., Pa. PaTABLIsRED 1S4S. MORGAN & HEADLY, Imnpors of Diamonds AND . biilctiren' of SpEtacleL 615 PaUsoM Utvees Phlsaelpha, JIutraed Price Lts&tsent to the trade en appliction. LIM WSE T. adau a na Asver.isemen Wi,. confoPa fae upon te Adverts -~dtl Pubi1sheru y stat ng that theyes, teader. tiJset,t in this Iou'rnaldntiwh se e paper), 'nseloo d te noT I vi