The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, March 23, 1886, Image 6
H
THE JOKERS'BUDGET.
ii I.ITTIjK IIUAIOKOITH llKAIXNti FOR
T1IK L.BIHUKK UOUKH.
On the Ire? NUe wiu Pnrticulnr About It?
C' '
The Iteceiver'n Honesty?An Orphan
Child?All the Htyle?Potn nnd Dashed.
TteUY PARTICULAR.
A lady on a Rock Island train the
other day had a dog with her, which
seemed to be out of sorts about
something, and disturbed the passengers
not a little by its whining. At length a
man who sat in the next seat forward
faced about aud said:
"Is the little fellow sick?"
"Ph, no," said his mistress; "but I
think lie wants a drink of water."
"Then I will get him some," said the
gent, good uaturcdly, as he took a cup
from his satchel and started to go to the
cooler.
"Hold on!" exclaimed the lady with
alarm, us she handed him a cup of her
own. "Take this, please. I am very
particular what cup my dog drinks out
of."
After watering the pup, the stranger
went into the smoker and offered the
brakemau a quarter to kick him.?
1 Chicago Herald.
A STARTLING ANNOUNCEMENT.
Two rival washer-women called upon
a lady at the same time for the purpose
of soliciting her patronage.
"8hure, ma'am," said Mrs. Mullins,
glaring at Mrs. Barney, "you'd niver
be tliinkin' of trustin' your clothcs to
that Mary Barney, for she do drink like
a fish, ma'am."
"Drink, is it?" here struck in Mrs.
"Barney. "An' phwat right have yc to
say that, Ann Mullins, yc beauty?" And
then turuihg to the lady, she declared,
solemnly: "As thrue as I stand here forninst
yc, ma'am, ye couldn't drink more
i nor Ami Mullins ycrsilf. No, ma'am."
?Bazar.
l'-- f' r.
STAGNATION OK TRADE.
"8old anything while I was gone?"
asked the shoe store man of his new
boy.
"Half sold a pair of boots," replied
thcyoung man.
"Half sold a pair of boots!" roared
the .merchant; "this is not a cobbler
shop, you base plebeian!"
"I know," replied the noble lad, fearlessly
; ' 'but a man with a peg leg came
along und I sold him half a pair of split
leather boots at French calf priccs."
The generous merchant faltered a moment.
and then fell upon the young
man's neck and wept?cried like a child
?because he didn't get more for the
boot.?Buudette.
tiik style.
"My deah fellah," said Van Duden,
"you wcally must learn to hold youah
cigawcttc bettah. You see, I am a bit
oldah than you, so I don't mind telling
you that some of tho men at the club
actually have remawked to me on the
shocking way you smoked. Nevah
again take your cigawctte between
youah fowe ifiagcr and youah thumb.'
Always hold it cithah between youah
two first fingahs or between youah
thumb and second fingah, and invawiably
elevate youah little fingah at the
same time."?Chicago Tribune.
an ORrnAN child.
"Good mornin', Mrs. O'Ralierty. I
hear'ye was out to the orphans at Cold
Spring?"
"I was, Mrs. O'Flaherty. An' indade
an' I'll niver forgit the beautiful scenery
of half a hundred little ones widout any
father nor mother. Sure an' they're
"trated so noice and aire taked sich good
care of that me an' me owld mon are
goin' to sec if we cau't make an orphant
of our little. Jemmy an' put him out
there."
"Faith, an' it's sense ye be talkin'
now. Ye have jist as good a right to
have a orphant child as anyone else."?
Kentucky State Journal.
the whole hog.
..... ....
jy unicago man wno naa been appointed
receiver for a certain firm went
to a lawyer and asked:
"Out 6f about $20,000 passing
through his hands how much ought a !
receiver to profit?"
"Well, about $18,000," was the reply.
The receiver lockod disappointed, and
the Lawyer asked if he had expected
more.
"Why, I can't possibly see what business
any one has with the other $2,000,"
"he replied.? Wall Street News.
THE SECRET OK SUCCESS.
Small Boy?A ccnt's worth of peanuts,
aunty.
Auuty?Arrrh! be off wid ye. D'ye
think it's meself that would be afther
Bcllin' a cent's worth of peanuts?
ftmall Boy (around the corner)?Gim?.
iU A- s*
111U a V/LUI, a wunu Ul pUttQlHS, Vjrlirnbaldi.
Garribaldi?Bi, signor; vera goodu
pe^iiut. fresha roasta.
MIL.WAUKKIS 18 AU RIOnT.
It is strauge what stories will get circulated
abroad. For instance, it has
, .-.Ippg been croaked about the country
<niar Milwaukee is not a good newspaper
toVita. And yet it is a custom in Milwaukee
upon cach holiday for a brewing
company to teave a keg of beer at each
daily newspaper office. And there are
thirteen breweries in Milwaukee.?Milwaukee
Journal.
A CURB.
"There, if you haven't brought home j
another dog." |
"Certainly, my dear. Don't you like
dogs?"
i 'Like them! John Henry, you know
I hate dogs. If I had my way I'd have
evorgjast one 'cm killed."
"Well, if vou did, rd like to know
whore thoy'd get virus to cure hydropho.bia
with. That's all a woman knows
bout science."?Chicago News.
AM TJN DBS III A.BI1U PROTECTOR.
"AU is over between Qeorge and myjfltf,"
said Clara, as she sank wearilj
into a chair; "I cannot trust my future
gj$ happiness to such ft man. I shall write
hp. him at once that we must part."
Wt*:' "What; is the trouble?1'
I ^mst ^i^;to*dsj and h^ wore ear
. :.<( >* > J-Tl!
. ?{ vf -^v.
POSTPONED.
"Gentlemen," said a college president
at a meeting of the faculty, "we must
take means at once to stop the game of
football. It is bringing our grand old
institution into uisreputc."
Just then a great noise was heard outside,
and the president demanded the j
cause of it.
"News has just been received," explained
one of the younger professors,
apologetically, "that our men have
wrested the football championship from
Princeton."
"Good!" shouted the president, flushing
with excitement, "I didn't dare
hope it. I think, gentlemen, we had
better not be too?cr?hasty in this
matter."?Life,
so co-:.D.
"There is another cold wave coming,"
remarked Mr. Fanglc to his wife last
night."
"Where from?" asked the lady.
"From the Northwest, where they all
come from."
vvny uo an tuo com waves come
from the Northwest, my dear?"
"Oh, because there is so much coolness
between St. Paul ami* Minneapolis."
?Pittsburgh Chron Me.
THINKS WEI.I. OK T1IE COUNTRY.
"Shine 'em uppa?" said an Italian
bootblack to Pat, just landed.
"Phat's the charge?" asked Pat.
"Five centa."
"Bcgorra," said Pat, as he seated
himself in the chair, "it is a foine counthrv,
Ameriky, where a poor Oirishman
can get his boots blacked by a gintleman
wid goold lings in his ears."?A^
Y. Sun.
IIE PITIKD HIM.
Newsboy?Paper, sir?
Irascible Old Gentleman?No; I don't
read the papers.
Newsboy (commiseratingly) ? Il'ra!
That so? Too bad. My eddication wuz
neglected, too, when I wuz a little feller,
but I pulled up for it by <join' to
night school and learnin' to read.?Bonton
Courier.
A PRECOCIOUS YOUTH.
"What are you waiting for, little boy?"
inquired a kindly old gentleman of a
street urchin who was watching each
passer-by intently.
"Waitin' fer a long-whiskered gent
smokin' a seegar. Then I'll follcr him
an' git the stub."
"Do long-whiskered men smoke better
cigars?"
"Naw. but dev don't smoke 'em so
short."
ox ice.
Ice is kincr. Hark the ring?steel and
laughter music bring. Off they go
through the snow, jolly skaters?bcllo
and beau. Happy boy, maiden coy,
plumber, iceman, full of joy; millionaire,
lady faire, gliding, whirling, happy
paire. Eyes so true, noses blue, glisten,
sparkle?pas dc deux. Kick up heels,
joyous squeals. Ah, what life the
skater feels!?iV. Jourruil.
disregarded.
Eugenia?Ah, papa, sec what Fred
gave me for New Year's?a beautiful
' plaque of papier machc.
Stern Parent?I don't care to look at
the thing. I thought I told you not to
have anything to do with any more
mashes?
dots and dashes.
"I can give you a cold bite," said the
woman. "Why not warm it up?" asked
the tramp. "There ain't any wood
sawed." "That so? Well, give it me
cold."
TnE song says- "There are no birds
in last year's nest." And it is mighty
lucky for the birds, too! They would
have frozen to death during the present
cold spell.
"I consider him a bold, arrogant
man." "Yes, I know he is now, but he
won't be very long." "And why not, I
should like to know?" "lie is to he
mnrricd next week."
I)io Lewis thinks people should go to
bed at 9 and get up at 5. The unsophisticated
doctor doesn't appear to be
aware that it is between those hours
that all the fun comes off.
A statistician has calculated that a
man spends $9 per year more for clothes
than a woman. That is easily explained.
It is because the man is too mean tu
give woman more to spend.
Plantation Philosophy for Editors.
?Ycr ken make mo'enemies by doiu1
favors den yer ken by refusin' 'em. El
yer wants cr pusson ter hate yer, put
him un'er oblcrgations ter yer.
Customer (in restaurant)?"Waiter
this chicken soup has feathers in it.
Waiter?Yes. sah. If yo' want soup
made outen chickens dat am old 'nouglj
to be bald, sah, vo'll have to go to so?n;
odder 'stnblishment.
As a train was pulling out of Palmyra
a New York beer brewer said to the
conductor: "What kind of vines are
those, conductor? I have noticed a
great many of them since leaving Batavia."
"Hop vines," said the conductor.
A Washington correspondent swears
that but one man on the House Committee
on Shipbuilding ever saw a big
' okiv mi*~ 11 -i -i.i tir. i
outjj. inut s ait rigut. we want out
public men to be independent and unprejudiced.?
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Stuoknt?I have been thinking upon
the subject o? the alaiming prevalent
of divorces, and I almost believe I hav?
discovered the cause. Professor (delightedly)?Yes,
yes; what is it? Student?Marriage.
"Mamma." said a little girl, "what u
that man doing over there on Mr.
Thorapsou's porch? lie has been sitting
on the steps l'or two hours and a hall
and hasn't moved." "That, my child,
is a bouse painter. lie is painting Mr.
Thompson's house by the day."
"You know that stylish Lily Wildcap
who visited us last summer?" ask*
Miss . "Yes," replied her friend.
"Well, she's married." "Did she make
a great catch?" "I should aay so. She
taught a widower with ?75,000 and
AUI 1/1 ? <*?* .?.1~ MJ
vuaw vwiiuivil. A UU J UUU^COb WIUIU
caught the measles at school, the oldest
caught the scarlet fever at Sunday
school, the second caught the whooping
cough, the husband went to Montreal
and caught the smallpox, and Lilj
nuncd all of them and caught all of
, thorn.? v.. > ? . . ,
?** ?"v ^y' / v"-'' " ,-V/"
v-r '' ' " v
Palmetto
TUAQ
i ivrwa iviVs^JiEi I I II
of the largest SALOON in tlio up-country, don'
advertisements. The half is not mentionod ii
prepared for fall trade. The Palmetto House is1
Foreign and Domestic
tlio best the market affords. He has got!
Rye and Corn, Irish an
Apple, Peach, California and French
Poi
lie can cheerfully recommend his goods t<
mixed drinks with all the DELICIOUS liEVElti
1'ERA.TE DRINKS. His specialty is a largo stc
GENTLEMEN'S RESORT. N
and you will not forgot again.
A Good Line of Tobacco a
Beer a Sp<
CUNNINGHAM &
1TAVR TV S
TMr Larp and fell [
FALL AND WIN
Consisting in 3?
Foreign and Dome;
3S3" O T X- <
HATS, HATS, HA
BOO1]
HARDWARE, HARDW
Groceries, Groceries, 4
Crockery, O
At Lower Priccs than they were Ever OfT<
:PAVIIJO?M HOTt-L
CIIULICSTOX, S. E
SI
(First Class t?n all its Appointments.
P
RATES, S2.00, S2.50.
Excellent Cuisone, larjjo airy rooms, Otis "
Pasaentrer Elevator. Kloetrin bell and lights. '
Heated rotunda contrail}' located. I
Oct. I. 'o4-tf 21 ,
0ENTRAL HOTEL,
Mrs. M.W. THOMAS, Proprietress
Broad Street, Augusta, Oa. 49
JgXCHANGE HOTEL,
Gkeenviixe, S. C.
The Only Two-Class Hotel
in the World.
AV. R. WHITE, Proprietor. 4
DINNER HOUSE, ?
greenwood, S. C.
Kept by Mra. F. G. PARKS. Chenp rates.
First-class faro.
June 15th, 1882-tf. Ill
T. P. TIIOM8ON. J. W. THOMSON.
fJMIOMSON & THOMSON,
Attorncys-at-Law, ?
Abbeville, S. C.
i^~Oflico in roar Mr. Lee's. A
June 8th, Jb85-tf. 100 [n
QALHOUN & MABHY,
Attorneys and Counsellors at Law,
Abbeville C. H., S. C.
P<
Office formerly occupied by .Judge Thomson.
tf-.ift
a
UOBT. II, IIEMPI1ILL. W'M. P. CALTIOUX.
JTEMPUILL & CALHOUN,
Attorneys-at-Law,
Abijeville, S. C.
Will practicc in tho Courts of the State. ^
54 ?
52
0. W. PBMUN T. P. COTHKAX. ^
pERRIN & COTHRAN,
Attorney?-at-Law, *
ABSBVxllk, 8. 0. I
> I
Saloon r
SAN, Proprietor
t
t intend to dupe his customers by false.
1 the throe Abbeville papers. lleis well]
ivoll stocked with everything in the lino of
Wines and Liquors,
Liquors nine yoars old. Good old
d Scotch Whiskies, (
l Brandies, 11
:ter, Ale and Fresh Lager Beer.1 ^
3 the public for MEDICINAL USE, mid' *
UJES of the season. Also COOL. TEM- ^
>ck of PUltE GOODS, Cull at the
0.4 WASHINGTON ST, o
THOMAS McGETTIGAN.
Oi
nd Cigars. Budweiser
ecialty. 47
TEMPLETON 1
TORE
Selected Stcsl of
ITER GOODS, ,
'art oi
stic Dry Goods, c
DNS, n
TS,
PS AND SHOES
ARF, HARDWARE,
Grroceries,
rockery, Crockery.
ired Before. l-tf-22
ND9RSED BY WP BETTER AND j
CIENTISTS AS J^feCHEAPER THA. Ia
RAGTIC ALLY l||pjfe ANY
MestrnctiDIe STONE.
Over 500 l^ll wl Send fo1 th
Beautiful mp|n w||Price List
Designs. Circulars -i
MANUPACTl1 RRD BY ^ I
monumental bronze company, B^I
1X3 E POUT. CON IT.
188 > ^
AT TIIE
ientennial Saloon ?
flFor this year will be found J
' ,
Absolutely Pure Spirits* kl
h
t<
hj
el
irth Carolina copper distilled Corn, Finest m
brands of Kentucky Rye, from *E
at
$2 to 86 Per Gallon. fb,
ajortei Cognac Brandy a Specially,
ALSO
les, Porter, Champagnes, &c.
fact all the popular and standard goods
that can be obtained. Together with
an assortment of
Tobaccos and Fine Cigars
that can not be excelled in quality.
arams needing such goods would not be
humbugged by buying from them.
The place is second door from Court
ouse.
O'DONNELL & CUNNINGHAM
Proprietors,
ABBEVILLE, S.
jan 14-tf 21 j
LXjL the new shades in Hats and Bonnets
with Ribbons, Birds, Flowers, Batins
id Velvets to matob.
I B. M. HADDON & CO.
?UGENE B. GARY,
ttftrney and Counsellor-at-Law,
Abbktiui, 8. o.
%
* ..l.v'v,".. ,
GOODYEAK
Carriage Repc
"IAN" RE FOUND THE LARGEST STOCK OP
J PluGtotii ft can Cart*, Plantation Wajjons fnl' si7.es, 1 t<
!nra(.'R? Saddles. IVIIinir, !efdh??<- of all kinds, Wa<jon ATm
drly day* J will OPFKR SPECIAL B.\ROAlN8 IN A LOT
IKS at. less linn Manufacturers' Prices. Those Bu?;?ios a
rn mnk(?: wliieh I will "iiarnnloo equal to tho boat. Call
incc yourselves that tlioyaro absoluto bargains,
A. R. GOODYE
(Successor to R. II. May& Co.,) OPP. GEOR
| ADGDSTA. BEOW
DAY & TANN
Arc Now Receiving a Fine As
GARRIAGES AND B!
Jt UJtt X.ti.fci ?Jf?tllNV3T "1
AT PIUCI^S TO SUIT TI
Und Never Beiore Attained in the E! .?
e are enabled to give our customers every advanta:
at tlie closet possible cash prices. Call an
CHILDREN'S CARRIAGES IN G
The finest assortment of HANDBAGS and SATCIIE
JUNKS, WHIPS and UMBRELLAS.
THE WILSON. CHILD'S & CO.'S PIHLA. WAGOI
TENNESSEE WAGONS, 1. 2 and 4 Horse.
DAY & TANNAHILLL'S ONE AND TWO HOUSE
EXPRESS AND DELIVERY WAGOKS.
AXLES, SPRINGS, HUBS. SPOKES. &c. RUBBER
HOYT'S LEATHER BELTING. The best in the vr
LACING. RIVETS, Etc. OAK and HEMLOCK SC
CALF and LINING SKINS, LASTS, THREAD, CK
HARNESS and SADDLES. WE CALL PARTICUL
ARNESS DEPARTMENT, IN WHICH WE EXCEL
DAY & TAN
43
WHITE BROT
Woul?". cull the attention of buyers to a Fow Specii
DRXiSS 38- ?
unusually large and attractive. They have the cheapen
ive ever offereu. They havj also some handsome Colored
Jtment of Black and Colored VE-jVETEENS tor Dresst
nice line of Wool Laces in all colors, the latest thing for
Their stock of BLACK CASHMERE cannot be sur
tusual care in the selection of these goods, and are assur
color, quality and price. A good line of JERSEY JACK]
It would astonish any one to see how very cheap FLAJ>
is season, Buyers in this line would do well to examine
^ATHITE BROI
CARPETS are so vory cheap as to be in the roach o
ARPET8 and RUGS can be fouad at the t-tore of WHIT
The above are only a few lines in which Special Bargai
The General Stock of Fall and Winter Goods now olfei
WHITE BROT
i the largest, bo-t assorted, aud more attractive than they
ete in all departments.
The Human Eye and S
JOSEPH Sll
OPTICIiS
uperior toany other in nse, constructed in accordance wi1
f nature in the peculiar form of a UONCAVK-CONVEX
> the organs of sight, and perfectly natural to the eye, aff>
> the human vision ever invented.
[ (IfT TTIIll HAS ETABLIS!
\ 11 If K K SPECTACLE AM) EYE G1
I. 1)111 V JUII IN THE CITY OF
tid is traveling at this time throughout the State of Georj
aown his Theory and Practice, and at the same time introd
is Speotacles h ive been t ied t?ey are spoken of in the h
istimonials will c irtify; the origioal and many others c
is rooms. He at the same time wishes to be undent* ood
inir nuaeks who merelv sells vou a nair of irlnsses lit ex<
tay never see a?ra;n. He has established in Ausjnsta, at pi
i case you should happen to lo3e or break your glasses, hu
t H small nominal sain, ns it is liia custom to keep a .eyist
leu him to k.iow ju*t the jjiass you have purchased from
om such men as Judge Tot le, Govenor Colquit, Genera
sepU, 0,1885
CLOTHING! CLOTHING!
miller Brot
tu < ' -.'.'.fJtji'.Vi'toJ
>sitory.
CARRIAGES, BUGGTES.
r> 0 ho-efi.) Sinplo and Double
torinl. <fc<v. fee. For tiio next
OF 0"F.N AND TOP BUG
ro nil Film Northern nncl EfUJtuud
oxtnnine them mid conAT?,
Ag-ant.
GIA RAILROAD BANK.
1T i I FACTORY. 703
v\ /I Ellis Street
I 42
IAHILL,
sortment of
t a cr* <r*
ills Si it?
7RADE,
IE TIMES !
tory of the Business
?( by purchasing our gorxi
(1 be convinced.
REAT VARIETY.
LS ever brought to the city.
all sizes.
: WAGONS.
: BELTING and PACKING,
orld.
>LE LEATHER.
ME NT, Etc.
Alt ATTENTION TO OUR
, IN QUALITY and PRICE.
NAHILL,
Augusta, Ga.
HERS
ilties: Their stockof
30DS
t lino of BLACK SILKS they
bilks. They have a good asss
and Trimmings. Tney have
uue Dross Trimmings.
passed. They have bestowed
ed they are all right in regard
Ifi'l'S, cheaper than ever before.
iNELS ami BLANKETS are
the stock of
rZHZZEIRS
f all. .V good assortment of
E BROTHERS.
us can bo had.
ed to the public by
HERS,
have ever carried. It is comsep.30,
H>?i?-2m.
pectacles.
LVER,
LM.
th the .science and philosophy
ELIl/SES, admirably adapted
ording tho best artificial heip
HLED A
LASS EMPORIUM
AUGUSTA.
t?ia for the purpose of making
ucing these Lenses. Wherever
littlest terms, as tho following
an bo neon and examined at
I that he is not one of tho trav- _
jrbitaut prices and whom yoa
esent, f,4H Broad Street, where
will JrcplAco tho same for you
i*r of all ho selU, thereby enahim.
Theso testimonials are
1 Gordon and a host of others.
CLOTHING!
Z at the old gent above in a
,sn't he with his pants all
und no fit? My friends do
ill to avoid getting into just
scrape? Then when you
p your mind to buy a suit of
come right along to our
nd have your mensure taken
/c your clothes made to orthc
very best
LORS IN THE COUNTRY.
en if they arc baggy and
t, just say to us "send theso
right back, I don't want
nd wont have them." Morec
would not let you keep
ursclvcs if they did not fit
iVo nrc not working for a fall
>ut a trndo we can by giving
i.itisfnction hold in the fuSeinembcr
our motto is 4'no
&y.
i are youre truly,
U.ers?
.; ' ' ' . ><
. S'i* V . ? .<