The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, September 16, 1927, Image 2
4
Nobody's Business
Written lor The Chronicle b/' Gee
Mt'Gee, Copyright, 1927.
Two young men who were making
a non-stop hike from Tampa to Asheville
happened to a serious accident
yesterday afternoon on the Aberdeen
highway. The truck on which they
were beating a ride turned turtle, and
injured both of them. They are
thinking of hiking the balance of the
distance yii. a bus
A man told me this morning that
he hud raised .several hundred babies
for which he received no remuneration.
He explained, however, that
he sold the milk to the daddies and
mothers of the ufotementioned kids,
and they forgot to pay him for the
lacteal fluid. lie was a dairyman, but
ain't now.
I saw in the papers where one man
out west bet another man 10 dollars
to 6 that he could swallow a banana
whole. He won the bet, but the durn
thing choked him to death. We have
not learned wbat his wife did with
the 6 dollars.
A Spartanburg man has informed
us that the following recipe will
make home-brew /it for a king: Remove
the hops from 86 bull frogs,
mix same in a jar of lye soap to
make it foam, stir with a Ford
crank to give it some kick, add
enough shellac to smooth it down,
filter it thru a Bolshevic newspaper
to give it color, dust in 2 pounds
ground glass to make it sparkle, dissolve
your necklace in this fluid tig
make it bead, seal up the mixturi
thus obtained, and place in a steam
boiler of high pressure capacity,
leave in the barn for 39 days, then
test the brew by pouring a few drops
into the kitchen sink; if it removes
the enamel therefrom, it is about
ready to bottle.
We respectfully suggest to all European
aviators interested that they
can possibly get to America if they
will embark on one of our many
ships plying between their ports
and ours. We really don't think they
ought to keep on trying to fly over
here, and then the boats are so much
safer.
I am the unluckiest person in the
world. I went to a horse race once
and bet 30 cents on "Lightning Arrester."
He took the blind-staggers
before he got half around the course,
and fell dead. I never could understand
how that horse knew that I
had put my money up on him.
An exchange says that there is going
to be a big fight in congress az
the next season over the McNaryHaugen
farm relief bill. Here's hoping
they will use shot guns and
butcher knives, and fight it out. Then I
mebbe we can elect a democratic
house.
Nine Famous Brd-Tiuie Stories
1. "Well, oid iauy, I've got Lo run
down to the office for about 2 hour#."
2. "I think I'll retire. I didn't
?leep a wink last night."
3. "Yen, ma: I've done washed
both of my feet .real good."
4. "I want to get up i>efore 5
o'clock in the morning."
5. "Sure, I put the cat out. Can't
imagine what that fuss is in the
kitchen."
(J. "Sallie, you air the purtiest woman
ever wuz in the world."
7. "I sure have done a hard day's
work. I need a little toddy."
8. "I simply can't stand my
blonde stenographer." (She is a little
heavy.)
9. "I ueeter get up at 3 o'clock every
morning down on the farm." (Lie
No. 876,543.234.)
i
Smith's Crossing, Sept. \'i, 1927.
Dear Gee McGee:
I have been informed that you
know nearly everything that ought
to. be known about love affairs, especially
between men and women, so I
am writing you in the strictest confidence
for advice. I am 16 years old,
and am in the seventh grade. I have
fell in love wjith my Jteacher who is
32 years my senior, and I am having
a hard time keeping his wife and 6
children from finding it out. If I
don't get Bill I honestly believe I
will die a natural death. Tell me
what to do, please. I am in great
misery. Oh, my poor heart!
Devotedly yours,
T Helio Trope.
Dear Helio:
You have come to the right fellow
for help. Up to last night I have prevented
987 divorces, 354 suicides, 2,378
unhappy marriages, and 86 murders.
My advice to you is to get a
sugar-tit and suck it just before retiring,
and keep your clothes pinned
on well. That thing that you think
is love is a kind of stummick disease
now prevalent among the flapper
class. It is a deep-seated yearning
for bonbons and chocolate drops. It
is possible that you were weaned too
young. You might ask your mother
about this. In my opinion,-you are a
little bit too old to get married now.
By all means, you should have been
matrimonied when you were about 8
years of age. Don't bother the old
man and quit going to school to him.
| Pick out one of his grand-children,
if he has any, and if he has none,
; why, you've got plenty time to wait
on the old fool.
Your true friend,
Gee.
.--.T., 1 i, 'II'i i :i i =5SWWWP?WWWIiW??
"Order of the Bath," by Billie Brown.
1. Ma, (Water mostly hot). - ,
2. Sister Sue, (Water fairly hot),
3. Sister Lou (Water hot enough),
5. Brother Bill, Water lukewarm)^
tt. Brother tSain, (Water sorter
warm).
7. Brother Joe, (Water cool).
8. Pa, (Water very cool)
9. Me, (Water cold aa h?).
TIME. Saturday night. (The End)!
The cost per year of rearing a family
of 6 in 1927 is about what it coat
to run a big orphanage 26 years ago.
Silk stockings, automobiles, picture
shows, and ice cream look like they
are bent on busting all of us sure as
the dickens.
The electric chair and the hangman's
noose have been pretty busy
over this country during the past few
years. Maybe within a century or
two folks will think twice before they
will kill a man once, It is against
the law now everywhere in the United
States (except in Chicago) to
shoot a person in cold blood or in his
back yard. The law does seem to
be tightening up a wee bit.
The up-to-date flapper now Valgpars
her checks, Oucos her lips,
Whitewashes her nose, and lets a
hunk of hair that looks like a horses
tail hang down over one eye, and
when she decides that she has got
on as few clothes as the law will
allow, she goes forth seeking whom
she may flap.
Everybody in western North Carolina
seems to know that the "boom"
is over except the hotel proprietors.
They don't mind charging a fpllow
12 dollars a day for a 3-dollar room.
If he happens to have his wife alohg,
and some men still take their own
wives with them when they go away,
the rate jumps to 18 dollars a day
Yet, some of those people can't understand
why so few "tourists' stop
at hotels now. It takes a millionaire
to hang out at good resort hostelries
now, and you know all of us ain't in
the automobile and gas business.
A "gravy train" is a train composed
of 10 Pullman cars, each car having
2 porters, 3 maids, 4 bootblacks,
and no. conductor. Meals are served
free of charge, and each passenger
gets 8 dollars a mile for riding on
the said train. The berths have eider-down
mattresses, and silk covers,
and sparrow-fur pillows. There's no
dust, no dirt, no cinders, and you -ge
to bed when you want to, and get
up when you please. Money drawers
are placed at each end of the car!s,
and are filled at all times with 10dollar
gold pieces. I have never ridden
on a 'gravy train," but have
swung on to a few thru freights.
GENERAL NEWS NOTES
' T
Jack ,Mattes, 30, was killed at Milwaukee,
WU., Tuesday, -when he
crashed into a fence after straightenin#
out 00 a turn when contesting in
an automobile race.
William Outhout, 70, descendant of
the George Washington family, and
cousin of J. Pierpont Morgan, died
in San Francisco on Tuesday.
A lone bandit, wearing goggles and
a heavy beard, held up the First
State Bank at Pablo, Jacksonville,
Fla., last Wednesday. He got away
with $4,000 In currency.
Over $850,OQ was spent during the
last seven years for the defense "of
Sacco and Vanzetti, the anarchist*
who were electrocuted in Massa*
chusetts last week.
Auto fatalities in seventeen American
cities totaled 6,603 for the year
ending August IS, an increase of 11
per cent over the previous year's
record.
Gangsters and gunmen lack moral
emotions and conscience and cannot
associate ideas, says Dr. Gilbert
Pond of Chicago, who has made an
extensive study of criminals.
Maxine Metzner, 17, of Itiverton,
N. J., failed Tuesday in her effort to
swim across Delaware bay from Gape'
May Point, N. J., to Lewes, Del.
She was in the water from 9;01 a. m.
until 7:45 p. m., and was within a
mile of her destination when taken
from the water. The distance was
between 22 and 25 miles.
Fourteen children, 4 to 14 years of
age, were led out of a school building
at Stamford, Conn., in their night
clothes Tuesday morning, when the
building was discovered to be on fire.
Bidwell Adam has been declared
to have a majority of 514 votes over
M. P. Lowery Love for nomination
for lieutenant governor in Mississippi,
the result of the second primary
election.
One man was killed and another
seriously, injured in the crash of an
airplane near Pittsburgh, Pa., Tuesday.
A triple wedding took place at
Berwick, Pa., Tuesday. One of the
bridegrooms is an uncle of the other
two. The wedding occurred at the
home of a Mrs. Dawson, she 'being
a sister of one of the bridegrooms
and an aunt of the other two.
Realizing that he could not recover
from a chronic illness, Dr. G. H.
Kellenberger, 07-yeaT-old dentist of
Canon City, Col., tried fasting. Death
ended his six-weeks fast. He left
no relatives to share his $40,000
estate.
A surface car side-swiped another
in New York city Wednesday and 36
passengers were injured.
Dared by his companions, Henry
Miller, 10, of Butler, N. J., on Wed
r nesday climbed a pole at the top of
which were high voltage electric
wires. He came in contact with the
wires and was electrocuted, thrown to
the ground and his neck broken.
^Samuel J. Collins was able to buy
only one sheep when he first went to
Australia. He died recently, leaving
an estate of $4,000,000.
At a Hindu festival in Bareilly,
British India, Wednesday, thirteen
persons were killed and thirty-six injured.
It was necessary to have
strong reinforcements of police ty>
disperse the crowd.
A German baker, Ernst Vierkoetter
of Toronto, Canada, won the first
prize, $.'10,000, in a 21-mile swim in
the chilly waters of Lake Ontario,
Wednesday. He was in the water
11 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds.
Wichita Falls, Texas, has a thirtyCwo
piece band of juvenile musicians.
The youngest member is .6,* the oldest
is 10, and the leader is 9. Instruments
from harmonica to bass
horn, were provided by parents.
(Roy Karstan died of diphtheria in
St. Louis, Mo., yesterday, having
?contracted the disease from his son'*
pet cat.
Judge D. Gardner Tyler, 81, son of
President John TyLer, died at Charles
%Gity, Ya., yesterday. He was a former
member of congress.
A bomb explosion of terrific force
rocked the skyscraper district of
Brooklyn, N. yesterday. The explosion
occurred in alleyway separ_
ating the supreme court building and
the Hall of Records. Many buildings
over an area of several blocks
were badly damaged by the explosion.
Admiral Baron Sadakichi Kato,
noted Japanese admiral in the World
war, died at Tokyo, Japan, yesterday
James R. Jenkins, 80-yeaw-old Confederate
veteran, Qitderwettt an operation
at Birmingham^ Ala., m few
days ago for the ^fmoval of a bullet
from his left leg, the bullet having
bean, fired by a Federal aoldillS ir
1865. The leg had bpen. paining
him and he thought his trOQMd
rheumatisito.
Donald Galloway, a little boy o:
Los Angeles, Cel., traded his toy
wagon to Naomi Christian, a little
girl, for a bag of butter beans. After
the beans were eaten the boy wanted
his wagon back, and a family now
started. Now- Donald is an orphan
* and* Naomi's father is In jail charged
ij with murder. - ^
J** S ; n >, ? *
itlSifiiffi mSM'
WOMEN COMPILE RECORDS
Under world La Checked By Micro*
scopes of Miits Parson'* Bureau
Albany, N. Y.?Women are proving
able assistants to the Sherlock
Holmes of New York State.
The Bureau of Criminal Indentification
of the New York State Department
of Correction is "manned"
by women,- and ' a woman is
chief of the bureau. Miss Clara
L. Parsons, head of the bureau
since 1914, was at one time a clerk
in the same department.
Under her supervision, women's
hands keep classified more than
300,000 cards that tell all there is
to know about the "Who's Who"
of the underworld, and here women's
eyes look through microscopes at
the prints fingers make on clean
paper.
Miss Parsons does not know why
the bureau relies entirely on women
to do its work, but she does know
they are as capable as men. She admits
some phases of criminal investigation
are best left to men.
Proud of the efficient way in
which her office assists police departments
in checking up on criminals
who are arrested in the Empire
State, Miss Parsons says:
"Quite often criminals with records
in other states try to cover "up
their delinquencies and evade severe
punishments waiting for them as
second^third and fourth offenders^
* ?'
Bat our cbfrck-up usually ,tVMJ
their history."
Miss Pareons favors universal
gar printing. This practice, ?he k.1
lieves, would make it easy to idea^l
anybody anywhere. The powSH
of mistake A identity, she explai^S
only one in 64 trillions.
! '.
Willis Property Valked at $17,<|9
The personal property of thrk^S..
Sam D. Willis amounting to jtfa',';
426.18 according to the apj^
is left to Mrs. Ethel GrayJBB|.:
according to the will. of tlti^K^ I
sheriff filed at the office oilSfv^
Fannie O. Scott, judge of pr$g|s
The will was written on OeMjll
6, 1P25, does not mention any B i <
property. The real property of wH
late sheriff according to the papefl
on file consisted of two lots fl
Traxler Park one valued at fl,5(l^|
and the other at $1,200, this makeH
the valuation of the estate amouifl
to $20,126.18.
The real property since it
not mentioned in the will will jfl
1 divided according to law, one-thil|H
going to the widow and two-thiriM
to the children. J. T. SolomoaM
Jr., is named in the document
executor.?Greenville Piedmont.
Ad Wolgast, one-time lightm$H
boxing champion of the world, in
to be committed to a California til
sane asylum. Wolgast was one
the greatest fighters of his weifkl
ever known. ? ?
Create. Feeling of |
Independence I
>4 V?
There comes a consciousness of power
from the fact that you have money saved
up and from the fact that you have exer-?
cised some very admirable qualities <>f
mind and heart in acquiring that surplus.
******
\ i ?
| Loan & Savings Bank
CAPITAL $10?.eW.W
t * *
Ttis significant
that the users
of w Standard" |
Gasoline
outnumber the
users of any
other brand 1
more than two
to one
/W\
ISTAMMMl
.?+ v- Made in South Carolina :
.? *
VULCANIZING IS AN AlljH
It take# iwkill to vulcanize a fefl
and man^the hole or rent UH
as goodnew. But we xan H
it, and wift is more, the fepairwM
part wilfsSuxe as good service
any other jbart of the tire. Yon
can keep'y<jur tire bill way down H
if you v^H^let us vulcanize yoof l
old ones, ires cost money these
days. Lelpmis. help you $ave on 19
yours. J
L. A. Canwbell & Co. Gary ||
First
I Buick took vibration qfcut of 1 J
Now- J 1
it has taken it out oft? the road I
La I
Now Buick for 1928-Bi^s come forward 1
with another great j contribution to 1
motoring comfort, ^ Irtuick has taken 1 I
vibration out of tki raj ^ By equipping I
every Buick with Hy^f jaulic Shoot Ah- I
sorbers, front and resAjp^^a added lui- I
ury that the savings ft of Buick volume I
1 have supplied. A I
Let us put a Buick fO& 192& at your disposal
so you may tcA this riding com
fort for yourself. i JH
Sedans ^1195 to J1995 jv Coup* fr1*9 *? ?t$9? M ll
Sport Models jBl 195 to 525 I jH
1 All ^ky. f. m. b. Flimt, Wiclk.l w X H
r Tk,(.M A. (.fin**,^pUmtMCmrnt\ V
; V ^ M
WHEN BETTER AUTOMOBILK9 ARB BbUILT. BUICK WILL BUI IP m
BUICKJH938|
LITTLE M0T()R\C0MP^?[ J
| T. LEE LITTLE. MANAC^J*CAMIIBS| 1
I "!Vr 'k - ' W I