The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, December 18, 1914, Image 9
ARIZONA KICKLETS
Editor Announces a Thrilling
Christmas Number.
REFORMED ROAD AGENT.
Lively and Varied New* In tba Region
C0V?r?d by th? Klokor ? "AlUfl*'' ?
Word Unknown. In lt? Column? Ao-<
cording to Militant Editor.
? ' T '
By M QUAD.
f < l/ l.l, I'll", A' (I I .lti-Ml.rv
J'rt-N*. |
W10 \vlMh to H UIIOUUCO ill Oils "
??#irly dato that wo arc piv
paring m>uietliliig u*a?d for
our Isadora on next Clll'lul j
infiH. No nc-WHpaper piiIjIIhIkmI wlllilu j
:MM) miles Of tbla town Iiuh ever lit j
tempted tin* feat of gutting out a ape i
Hal cJirlatmaa taaue. The K(cjier pro j
to produce aomething worthy, of
Ita large J?nd reapoel ablo cller'itagUt It
will be 11 Mixtion page paper, profitably
llluntrated. and among the good thing*
It. will contain wo may tommi-nite:
A aketch giving partb ulflra of the
laat twelve murders In Arizona. Wry
Moodod article.
An urtlclo dearrlhlng lio.w Indians
aralp their vjetfrnw. It will mako your
hnlr atand on end to road ft.
A two column akeb'h entitled "Men I
H?ru Hhot." <JtveH iiaineu of a ncoro
?KMl)lNF, HO Al> AOKNT NVIIO IfiXI'I'.UIENOKD
UKIiKlIoN.
of men and relates full particulars of
the death of each. The reader will In
stinctively reach around for his nun as
ho peruses this truthful sketch.
A Very racy and entertaining sketch,
entitled "Fourteen Cases of I.yneh
Lnw." This is by :* ina n wink always
furnished the barrels for tho victim t<?
stand on. and he knows whereof he
writes. You cup feel the barrel wobble
as you read.
Another special feature will he an II
? lust rated sketch entitled "The St aires I
Ilnye jleld up." This is by a genuine
road agent, who experienced religion,
quit, the business and Is now, sticking
type in this office. We hadn't the ar
ticle half through when we handed the
HUthor our watch and wallet and .held
up our hands.
No More Shooting.
Carpenters have been busy for the
last two.' days plugging up the bullet
holes in the front door <>f the city hall,
and it will take at least another day
to ilntsh their labors. The number
c units up jiboiit 7<xi This mean* that
some seventy live or a hundreil men
have, .stood on the ) ti 1 1 >1 ic- square and
hanged awa.v and uttered war wh<?ops
and felt that the\ were doing a big
i hlng
?Tin* late ordinance intiicts :i heavy
penalty for any such tomfoolery in fu
ture. and we propose to sec it rigidly
enforced. It. has also been a favorite
pastime to shoot at I ho panes of glass
In the mayor's office on the second
Hoor, and if the mayor (who Is ourselfi
.was In the fun was all tho greater.
We want everybody In town to be
happy," and we don't want to crowd
the boys too close, but tho next critter
who tires at a window when we are
inside must take his chances. We
shall raise the sash and return the fire,
and if he suddenly feels as if a redhot
iron had been jabbed into him he will
find a doctor right ajround the corner
to explain the symptoms and probe for
the bullet.
Tho Best W? Can Do.
Wednesday noon of last week a band
? mt nbont forty tnrttgnantcitizenH, head-'
od by Major Wharton of the Cactus
ranch, surrounded the Kicker office
and fired about '20tf bullets into the
home of the greatest family paper on
earth. The object was to rebuke us
for posting weather bulletins which
did not pan out as represented, and
wo wero duly rebuked.
When we started our weather bureau
wo explicitly announced that ail tho
tools we had to work with were a
map of the world, a two foot rule and
a red lead pencil. In sixty days we
havo hit the weather forty-eight times,
which we submit Is doing decontly
well. In a few Instances wo havo pre
dicted rain, which obstinately refused
to show up. and two or three times we
have overlooked high winds and frosty
nights. We havo dono our best, how
ever. and if our people are not satisfied
they ijtust turn in some other diroctlon
. , ' Ilnd Major Wharton come to us per
sonally and alone and like a gentle
mnn, we vronld hnve tried to give him
the sort of weather he wants to grow
rabbits and tarantulas, but under the
circumstance* we'll Ik? hanged If we
, favor' hint or nnyUxiy else:
\ nt nn RttjMifc'ved -to be l^ete Pra*er.
W * % hi '? ?
who wan war hod out of till* town two
week* uro mh m duller. attempted to
hold up the Itiue IIIII couch la?t
Wednesday evening at Otib Hiiu. 1 1 ?*
might liOVH made <i big limit, as t |j ?- i . ?
WIIH |)|cl)t,V of IIUMIfV HllOltrfl; l>llt 1IH
nooii uM flunk (frtmb. flu* itrlVoi yelled
at lit in lie made ii dhe for tin* hushe* ,
tiiid wiiK not heard of ugulu
Hank has ?oi a four on lilui like ii i
wounded |>ull, ami I?Ih y?ll? that even
III ' \\C|.? lir i I <1 I Ii i utiles. If II reiill.N
wiim I'trte I' i*n/, or wo hope lie was not
geared out of t lie county. lie would
coioo In very handy by a nd by when
our vigilance committee had nothing to
do ii ml wanted to keep their hands In.
Hhould the I'liio Hill folks get hold
of hlni (lint they wJII pIviiho remember
thnt our people have first eliilni
Not Used to Cbmat*.
A cowboy named George Kwlfl culled
at the kicker oltley yesterday to report
that there wan a dead man lying beside
tho highway at the top of (Jrl z/.ly hill.
Oh Hie Santa Ko ioikI Mr. Hwift didn't
get oil' his horse to in'uke it clone exam
ination, hut It I* Ida opinion thnt the
man wan a tenderfoot, unused to the
climate, and that after the walk up
hill he fell dead.
Tli.* coroner goes out today to hold
an Inquest, and it Is our opinion that
ho will discover two or three bullot
holey In the hotly. The high climate
him more or less cfTin-t on strangers,
hut it Seldyni'kllls them nnd folds their
hands across their breasts at the name
time,
We were told the other day that the
hoys over at 'Jx'J ranch, where Mr.
fcwlft belongs. had ??planted" nine dif
ferent strangers this. year. and 11 might
be woll for the lc>?a I authorities to
make a few Inquiries
Not Any For U?. *
We have received the prospectus of
the Great .Jupiter silver mine, located
somewhere or other In Colorado and
now almost ready to turn out a mil
lion dollars' worth of ore per week.
We have further received an offer of
$20, (MX) worth of stock to publish the
said prospoctus one time.
The management will please Accept
our redhot thanks, but we aro not iu
the business any more. In our green
horn days we gave up our columns to
prospectuses and accumulated some
thing llko a billion dollars' worth of
stock. We are the Crpesus of tho west.
We've got enough, nnd more than
enough, and we'll givo anybody a
wheelbarrow load of stocks in ex
change for a box of nickel cigars. In
fact, we own thirty silver mines out
and out, nnd we aro looking for a man
who wants to give up $fUK) In cash and
take the lot olT our hands.
We Don't "Allege."
Those newspaper chaps In the enst
can't Imagine what a bnr<1en would
roll off their hacks If they entered the
Hold of far western journalism. In et
ery one of our eastern exchanges the
editor feels obliged to . use the prefix
"allege" nr "alleged" even In speaking
of 11 fifteen cent robbery or a knock
down on si street corner.
When an Arizona editor feels com
pelled to resort to that he twill hunt
for some other occupation. Our way Is
straight from the shoulder.
For instance, Captain Thompson,
our beloved county register, borrowed
$10 of us three months ago and agreed
to return It next day. We don't "al
lege" that he is a liar, but we boldly
state the fact It is the same with
!Cta.|or Davis. We don't "allege" that
he l& a nuisance and a deadbeat, but
we plainly come right out and nay so.
and If he thinks he can make us chaw
our words he knows where to And us.
We either say a thing or keep shut
about It. and we'd have to be served
?with notices of a thousand libel suits
before we'd "allege" Anything against
anybody.
Passing Sentence on an Egg.
"Walter!" From the table by the
window the voice of an elderly gen
tleman rose In accents wrathful.
"Walter!"
"Yes. sir." replied the much harassed
one. hastening forward.
The elderly gentlotnan, overcome by
Ids emotions, rtaade several vain efforts
to arficulato utterances. Then:
"Take this egg away!" ho roared.
"Take it away!"
"Yes. air." sold the waiter -obliging
ly as he glanced wistfully at the of
fending article. . "And? and what shall
I dp with It, sir?"
"I)o with it?" The outraged cus
tomer rose menacingly from his chair."
"Do with it?" he bellowed fiercely.
"Why. wring its neck!"? Fun.
The R i n h t Shop.
_ Mrs. Newlywud Is this tho taxi
dermist?
Man (on the telephone)? Yes, ma'am,
Mrs. N. Wed -You stuff birds, don't
yon?
Man? Ye^. ma'am.
Mrs. N. Vod? Well, how much -would
you charge to eomo up here and stuff
tho turkey we re going to have for din
ner? I don't know how.? -Woman's
Homo Companion.
Not to Be Deceived.
"Look at dat dorg chewing grass."
"Wot's do matter wit' him?"
"Dunno. but he can't Inveigle' me
inside do fence. I never seen a dorg
yet dat wuz a vegetarian."? Kansas
City Journal.
Saving the Thirat.
Physician? Your fever will give you '
a terrible thirst. I must stop that. ,
Patient? Stop the fever all you like,
doctor, but for my sake learo me the
thirst.? Pele Mole.
"Obvious.
"You can't hang up your hat in this
house, let me tell you."
"Not very well while you aro sitting
o? it,"? BaltlmoVe American.
' m
A Preliminary Test
of Skill
Br MARK I1AMMERTON
?'I vlll pig stick you!"
Tl?i? words were addressed to iih* by
M lieutenant in the German army. He
vviim very young, hi* beard JiiMt sprout
ing. and since there had been no war
between Germany and any other |m>W'
er ?|qco long before he win horn he
had had no way of iettinjr hi* imr
pin", vim. We weif In a beer garden,
and he had been Hitting ait a table, near
one at which i Hat with a party of
America u friend*. '
(jetting up from IjIm table, he walked
pant us. and. my foot being to bin way.
he took pains to stumble' against It
Then, glaring down at me, he aald In
lingllNh:
"1 vlll pig Htlck you!"
"What does the fellow mean?"
"You've been challenged to fight a
duel," xiild Washburn, an attache at
the Airferleiin legation. He had lived
In Berlin a number of year* and knew
the ways of the Inhabitant*.
"He can He rid all the challenge* he
pleases," I said. "I'll pay no attention
to them."
"In that cane," Washburn replied,
"you must give up the noclal stand you
have propared to teke in |i?rlli>. I
shouldn't like to put you forward as I
have promised unless you either light
young Donhoff. whom everybody
knows and who i* on Intimate terms
with the imperial family, or find some
way 'jut of rlie matter"
"What way out of the matter is
l here 7"
?Til iliink ll over. I've helped ^ev
era I > "Ii'i'leaii^ 'Mil of *uc|| scrapes
My the bye. I think' I'll try the plan by
\\ lii< li I saved Aibei'tson from gelling
a sword t (it'll .t lief ween his libs'
?"Whin plan.?"
?| ilhlu'i explain It till the alTali was
settled. nor will I tell you 1'ut your
self in my hands, ask no questions, and
I think I ctiti bring yon out of this with
honor, probably with eclat."
I assented, and he took a message
from me to DouhofT. I was an Amer
ican. and Americans did not Unlit
duels. However. I was willing to fight;
under certain conditions, or. rather. 1
would prove myself more skillful than
he. We would lire at a hen'8 egg at
twenty paces If he hit the egg oftener
than I. I would stand up and permit j
him to shoot at me as long as he liked
If I lilt the egg more times than he. he I
was to submit himself as a target for
me. j
The hot headed youngster accepted
the conditions Indeed, he waa rather j
pleased at the' novelty of the plan
Washburn .arranged for a test of skill
In a fencing academy and brought a
basket of eggs to the place, whieh were
to serve as targets The affair, being
an unusual one. none of the safeguards
common in duel preliminaries were
taken Washburn fixed the target, sus
pending the egg by a thread. DonhofT
and I tossed for order of trial, and I
won. Kach principal was to deliver
five shots, and the one who shattered
more eggs than tin* other won
The day before the test 1 could
scarcely hit a barn door, but 1 prac
ticed sufficiently to hit an egg at least
once in five shots On the trial I spat
tered the contents twice. Donhofif. who
like all. (Jerman arhiy officers was a
good marksman, looked upon my work
with evident contempt I missed the
first and second shots, and as soon as
I had done, so he seemed to lose air in
terest in the contest He had dout)|1ess
made a previous trial and discovered
he could hit the egg every time. >
I had been instructed by Washburn
that when I beat DonhofT? and Wash
burn assured me that if his Jjp^h
worked I would? .1 was Immediately to
renounce my right to make a target
of him Washburn hung an egg for
111 in. He 11 rod somewhat earelessljAand
missed. lie was surprised especially at
seeing the 'egg vibrating from the Wind
of tip' ball, lie fired a second shotv'ttils
tjjije aiming can-fully Again he tills*
fd. and again the egg dnnci^I IT^poW
lie hit the egg at every remaining khot
he could still -heat me. Though he'jook
a long time to aim" before the third
shot, he missed It .
He could now only tie me Btk he
had become so Irritated with hitnaelf
that he was not capable of doiiUK as
good work as before. lie misse<F the
fourth and fifth shots, the egg at *?<*h
successive sTiomCj fating lesj*. indicat
ing that his aim had grown less *P?n
rate On missing the fifth shot he
threw his pistol down with an oatflh.
Washburn shot mo a gin nee, and I
cried. "I renounce the right I bave
won!" and. hastening to Donhofl^pat
out my hand. He took It. mui
imprecations on himself for
been so clumsy. Then he and hi*'
thanked me for my magnanlmll
left the academy.
"By .loveT' exclaimed Wastri
sinking into a chair "If those ft
had exercised one-tenth the car#?&?y
would havo taken In an ordinary- 6tiel
I would hare bad to leave Berlln.*xL
"What do you mean?" 1 asked.
"You fired at a solid egg. DonhoCP at
a shell from which 1 had drawn: tbe
contents. No ball will bit an fmptv
eggshell The wind will drive it Jlftlde
every time."
We had won by a Yankee trlc^. but
since It wae merely to avoid jlfyuO
spilling our ponsclewe* did nut mmble
us.' I entered Berlin *nefen iinder
Washbnrn'x wing with great ??elfiT I
feared .that I would in- ealle?l to
maintain' in > ? haiiti i>>n^l?ip hot' wnx
let severely alum*
? tvt
%
fl 1 26 acres of land 9 miles South East of Camden; 50 acres open and
under cultivation and under wire; about $700 worth of long and short leaf
timber on tract; good stream running water, also' peach and
one 4 room dwelling worth $1 200. one 4 room tenant house. Will sell for
$2 500
' H We also have listed with us for sale a valuable farm of several hun
dred acres within two miles of Camden; this can be bought at a bargain
and on easy terms. Price and terms on application.
<? 100 acres at Knights Hill, commonly known as the 1 urpin Certain
Place This farm consists of 60 acres of open land and 40 acres of fine^tim
ber; one four room house on place. Price $2,000 and make terms to suit.
<11 The Doby place, containing 450 acres 3 miles of Blaney; 250 acres
open land ? a part of this under cultivation; 100 acres pasture land under
wire- some good open creek land, plenty of wood and some timber on the
place; good buildings; one overseers house; 6 tenant houses and two ba?.
Twenty-five mile creek runs through this property. Price $7,600.00
Terms: % cash, balance in three years at iisual rate of interest. ?
fl 361 acres of land on Town Creek, four miles South of Camden; 60
acres open land; two tenant houses, Will sell at a bargain. Plat of same
can be seen at our office. , ? .
fl 252 acres 9 miles East of Camden and known as the I urner place;
40 acres open land; II acres pasture land under wire; plenty of _ timber;
one 3 room dwelling and one tenant house. For quick sale will sell at $10
PCr OFarm of 1 20 acres 2 miles North of Camden; 75 acres open and un
der cultivation; 3 tenant houses, cotton house, barn and stables. Pnce $35
per acre? terms if desired. This is a good proposition for any one desir
inc a small farm with improvements.
? 154./ acre8 of land 7" miles North of, Camden on South sidfe Lock
hart road; two temant houses; 35 or 40 acres under cultivation; plenty of
wood and about 50,000 feet of timber. Price $16.50 per acre.
REAL ESTATE
Bank Stock
For Sale
1 am offering for sale, within
30 days. Five Thousand
($5,000) Dollars worth of
stock of the Loan & Savings
Bank, of Camden, S. C.
L. L. CLYBURN
DeKALB. S. C.
MONEY TO IX) AN;
On improved farms. Easy terms.
Apply to B. B. Clarke, Camden, S
C. 60.
Bicycle Repairing
Tube Vulcanizing
Work that Satisfies is
the only kind we do.
; ? ?v
If you are hard to satis
fy , bring your work to us.
T o Deliver Promptly
is Our Rule. -
H. E. BEARD & CO.
921 Broad St. Camden, S. C.
Is an absolute n
sity for you as with^
a policy you can
certain of a d
amount each &
are laid up? -be
quire today ||
quaint yourself
liberal terms of
policies.
WILLIAMS INSURANCE & REALTY
r ( Incorporated ?)
1012 Broad Street Cimden, South
AND PRESERVE your Furs, Blankets,
Heavy Hangings, PortierS, Carpets.
Wraps and Clothing by having thenv
cleaned by our SPECIAL PROCESS
(or Summer.
CUMBERLAND