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c The 'Perfect' Accident It took a woman to have the perfect automobile accident. Her case, one of the more than 10 million insurance claims, handled last year by Aetna Life & Casualty tops the list of 1969’s “weirdies." grandmothers, aged 60 and 71, who tangled with a car and a truck in separate incidents -- both while riding tricycles? Or the 81 year old Hopkinsville, Ky., man who met misfortune while driving into the local “lover’s lane." The lady, a resident of Mon treal, Canada, had this to offer by way of describing her accident: “My car had sustained no damage whatever and the other car somewhat less.” That may be true, but expla nations have a way of stretch ing the truth. Consider the dri ver of a 10-ton truck who ac counted for his accident this way: “The Volkswagen passed and stopped in front of me in such a way that he damaged the rear of his car on my front bumper.” The truck driver gets a periodi cal bonus for accident-free dri ving. Youthfulness, as well as youth, had its say in 1969. How else could you account for two blithe Also having their problems were the Atlanta motorist who ran into a palm tree after no ticing his passenger’s hair on fire and the Vermont man who slammed into a guard rail while engrossed in a conversation with his dog. From the mid-west comes the report of a crash involving a car pulling a two-headed cow. After investigation, the anxious Aetna claim man was able to deadpan: “We were greatly relieved to learn the cow did not have a dou ble whiplash." A Virginia man wasn’t so lucky when he attempted to roll a mons trous snowball onto his neighbor’s lawn. Things really got rolling as the five foot wide sphere pinned the prankster by INTERESTING FACTS £ By Tom Plaxico X World’s first drive-in movie was in Camden, $ x N. J., in 1933 . . . New Orleans was once the 5th largest city in U. S. . . . Since there is no ham in : i: hamburgers, where do they get their name? £ They’re named after the place they originated: x Hamburg, Germany. Samuel Morse, inventor of the telegraph,was x x originally a portrait painter and did not turn to j:- £ inventing till he was 46 . . . Most used letter in j:j Englishlanguageis "e”. Least used is “q” . . . Five v oldest colleges in America are Harvard, William x & Mary, Yale, Princeton, Penn. £ x First two cities to be linked for long distance ij: telephone calls were Boston and Salem, Mass., in £ 1877 . . . C.roucho Marx’s real first name: Julius £ :j: ... New York’s Wall Street got its name from an £: £ actual wall once built in that location to protect •:> £ the city. £ We don’t have a "WALL” around our cars, x :;: We don’t even have a fence. We want you to look x x our cars over at any time convenient to you— £: £ nights, Sundays, holidays. Remember, if you don’t £ £ find what you want in our stock, we can get it in £ x a matter of hours through Chevrolet’s Locater x £ Service ; | Plaxico Chevrolet, 400 We«t Main Street his ankle. He dislodged himself and ran down the hill only to be mowed flat by the pursuing Frankenstein. Days later his hat was found still imbedded in the thawing monster. One accident, it seems, begets another. To save his house a Salt Lake City man swiftly threw a flaming can of oil and gaso line out an upstairs window. The house was spared, but not the man’s car which was turned to ashes as the blazing container scored a direct hit. In Topeka a man, unable to reach a doctor after thinking he’d swallowed a piece of glass, hit upon a home remedy. As he waited for the laxative to take effect, his house became very warm. His urge to turn on the air conditioner was hastened by another urge. In a rush he turned the machine on too high and sat helplessly as it went up in smoke. A Whittier, Calif., man also could blame glass for his prob lems. He^chomped on a piece while enjoying a sandwich in the bathtub. Minutes later, after pla cing the offending sliver neatly on the floor, he hopped out of the tub and gashed his foot on it. He watched silently as a doctor put six stitches in his foot. In Cincinnati a washing machine salesman gave a safety demonstration that left both him and his customers gasping. He placed his tie in the ringer and came within a scissor’s snip of having his neck wrung too. He now sells sewing machines. In Huntsville, Ala., an Aetna claim man was lost for an ex planation. His client, a 62 year old woman, asked why she was being billed for a circumcision after her ear operation. Neither her doctor nor the hospital could offer any reasons either. No explanation was needed last summer in Reading, Pa. The actor's part called for him to fall down a flight of steps and injure himself. It was a perfect per formance, reports the Aetna claim man who paid the $116 me dical bill. ♦ + * PFC Patterson In California Marine Private First Class James C. Patterson, son of Mr. and Mrs. James C. Patterson of 248 Elm St., Clinton, is serving at Marine Corps Base, Twenty- Nine Palms, Calif. PROMOTED—James E. Clark has been promot ed by Clinton Mills to Asst. Overseer, Weav ing No. 2. Clark joined Clinton Mills in 1969 as a loom fixer. He is a graduate of Clinton High School and a mem ber of the Baptist Church. He enjoys golf and is a member of the Moose Gub. Steele Elected Hejaz Potentate S. Ledell Steele, Lancaster businessman, was elected Po tentate of Hejaz Shrine Temple at the annual meeting held at Greenville Memorial Audito rium, Wednesday night, January 21. Born in Lancaster County, Po tentate Steele is the son of the late Mr. & Mrs. S.S. Steele. He attended the Lancaster Pub lic Schools and is married to the former Hazel Blanton of Gaf fney. They have three children, Mrs, Bobby English, Mrs. Earl Yarborough and Ledell B. Steele. He has been in the retail food business since 1937 and now owns and operates the Steele’s Food Stores. He is also associated in other businesses including real estate. * * * 7Af Old 1mm. "When you watch teen agers dancing these days, you wonder what they do for re laxation." ; : ; ::::-::::::::x-::::::::x:::-:::::::::::x::::::x:-:::-::-:-::'::x::-:::::-::-| ; ( Dear Sally BY SALLY SHAW DEAR SALLY: I’m a widower with a boy of ll, and I have been going with a lovely widow who has a I0-year-old son. Her boy is spoiled rotten, very wild and unmanageable, and every time he and my boy get together there’s a big ruckus. I just cannot cope with her brat, no matter how hard I try to reason with him -- and to make matters worse, his mo ther invariably sides with him and implies it’s my boy who is at fault and is “sadly in need of discipline.” The only disagree ments she and I have center around the kids. In every other respect we are in good tune. Do you think, considering all this, that she and I could make a go of marriage? MIKE. other girl if she minds your going out with her previous date. And at the same time I hope this second boy has already asked his buddy if HE has any objec tions. All this boils down to plain, good, old-fashioned sportsman ship. DEAR SALLY: My fiance is scheduled to serve as best man at one of his friend’s wedding. Although I have been invited to the wedding and reception, my fiance has informed me that, “ac cording to the rules,” he will be expected to serve as escort to the maid-of-honor (a very pretty sister of the bride), that he will have to be with her throughout the reception, and also drive her home afterward. I think he’s try ing to hoodwink me, don’t you? KITS. DEAR MIKE: I doubt it. You don’t agree about the child ren now, and marriage wouldn’t change this at all . . .except probably to make matters much worse. One thing that impressed me about your letter was your failure even to mention anything about love. . .a very, VERY im portant consideration! DEAR SALLY: I made the mis take a few months ago of grant ing a girl friend the privilege of using my charge account at our big department store for a specail purchase. She remun erated me later for that month’s purchase, but since then has con tinued charging things on my ac count and has paid me nothing. Whenever I ask her about it, she claims she is broke. I don’t like the idea of losing a good friend, but if this keeps up I’ll be broke, too. CHARGED UP. DEAR CHARGED UP: Close up the account at once, and tell her what you’ve done. Ask her for the money she now owes you, and hope she’ll respond. If not, chalk it up as the fee you paid for a les son -- never agin to give carte blanche on your charge accounts. DEAR SALLY: I’m a girl ofl7, and recently I went out with a certain boy on a double date with his buddy and another girl I’m good friends with. Now the other boy has phoned me asking for a date. I told him I’d let him know later. My mother says it wouldn’t be fair if I dated this boy without first informing both the other boy and girl involved. What do you think? DILEMMA. DEAR DILEMMA: I think it would be nice if you asked the DEAR KITS: I do indeed! Re mind him that he happens to be engaged to YOU, not the maid-of- honor. * * * Bolt Member Newberry Bond The Newberry College Stage Band under the direction of Char les Pruitt has joined forced with the College Singers in a mid winter tour of high schools. The Band will present a con cert of contemporary music fol lowing selections of sacred mu sic by the Singers in York High School, York, S. C.; R. J. Rey nolds High School, Winston- Salem, N. C.; Stonewall Jackson High School, Mt. Jackson, Va.; Spring Grove Area High School, Spring Grove, Pa.; Eastern Leb anon County HighSchool, Myers- town, Pa.; and Patrick Henry High School, Ashland, Va. During the concert tour the first week in February the Sing ers will also sing to 10 church audiences including the Washing ton Cathedral in Washington, D. John H. Bolt, son of Mr. and Mrs. Omer, 313 Ferguson St., Clinton, is a member of both the Stage band and the Singers. * * * Inland Port Houston, Tex., is a busy maritime port even though it is not located on any ocean, river or lake. It lies 50 miles inland and is con nected to the Gulf of Mexico by a canal. Sergeant Quinn, a repair in spector in Company C, 730th Maintenance Battalion, Clinton, began Intensive classroom train ing Jan. 31 for leadership and supervisory duties in the Clinton unit. The training will be conducted one weekend per month for four consecutive months. Amohg the subjects programmed are lead ership, tactics, administration, drill and command, map r&f&ing and training. Two Academ? ; Ses- sions are scheduled annually. SGT. QUINN Quinn Picked For Guard's NCO Academy Staff Sergeant Bobby F. Quinn of Clinton is one of 68 South Car olina National Guardsmen select ed for the newly organized Non commissioned Officer (NCO) A- cademy at the olympia Armory in Columbia. The students were officially welcomed to the Academy Sata^* day afternoon by Major General Frank D. Pinckney, the Adjutant General of South Carolina, during orientation. 251 Following satisfactory pletion of the course, the Nj will receive certificates of dL pletion. ? Sewing - When sewing wiij a double thread, make a knojsin each end. Draw through asusjfil. This prevents the thread f||m snarling. Hang on to Your Honey! LET BLOCK FIGURE ' Come In Today* vV [V J YOUR INCOME TAX Many times we can save the average taxpayer more than the small cost of our service. 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