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OUPA)GUE OUAT JOKEmS. Some of the Venerable Jurists Can be Witty When They Have A Mind to. R. M. Larner in News and Courier. Probably the last place a person would visit in quest of humor would be the room in the capitol occupied by the supreme court of the United States. Members of that dignified tribunal sometimes relax, however, and indulge in pleasantries among themselves and at tho expenso of Counsel appearing be fore them. Chief Justice Waite had a vein of dry hu nior concealed uder his black silk robe, which occasionally manifested itself in his dealings with his brothers on the bencih anld lawyers practicing before the couri of last resort in this coluntrv. The "Heavy Weight" of the Bench. David Davis, w-ho weighed over 300 pouids, Could justly be described als a 'jolly old 'Judge.'' le had tile rep utation of being a good story teller and on ninny oveasions he disconcert ed his associates on the bench, as well its practitioners at file bir, by his asides, audlible tIIroughoil Ihe chain her. le frequently embarrassed at torneys by Clever and humorous sug gest ions. Tpstice Gray, of Massachueltts, was prone to indiulging in contentions over trivial details which were often hu Inorous. A Bird's Eye Argument Overruled. On 'one occasion Attorney General Harmon was argning a case involv ing possession of certain public lands. With a view to presenting the case of the government as clearly as possible the at torney general hung u1p in the court room maps showing the location and dimensions of tho tinil in dispute. Justice Gray was opposed to maps, charts or other exhibits in tle Court roomn, claiming they were not only lin sight1ly, ilt 1 reflection upon tle in telligence c ili 4onurt-. 11l entered a \i-01or11uS protest 1-aillst the m.tioll of the Ittornev enera who repliel that he had brouht t1he exhibition to aid him in plaeinz IIe ease ''conpiellen sivelv before ilie eourt. I sinply in trodinee them to ive a biy' e (ve view of the territorv involved. "I have not tile eye of a bird." re torted Jude Gray. "and t herefore your maps are wortihless so far as I -Ail ccerned. Won His Case by His First Paragraph Within the recolleetion of tle old est employee of tle supreme court probably tle most am1using neidInt oe curred soon after the close of the civil war. A case was brouiglit by a Louis inna lawyer, L. Madison Day. against I. C. Micoul to recover prIOpery t\ak en from a relative of Mr. DaV under the confisealioll act (of tile reconstrue tionl period. Mri. Da was a pictures (ue fl_unre. with lone yellow hair pro fusely oiled aind .'clled up at the back and si des. riift'led shirt front, stock and l aollar, dark greeni P ri nce Al - bert coat. buntY trousers and long V hoots. When the day arrived for aruzmuent, alt hiough thle court didl not convene unmt il noon, Mr. 1Day made his appear aince in thle chiambier about 9 o'clock uin lie morningm. atid busied hiimsel f ar ranging hooks and papers to lie used ini preseniting his side of the case. Whien the cr'ier, declared the court openi every t able and a large portion of the floor was covered with law books for the use of Mr. D)ay. Calling thue case, thle clerk announced that Mr. Day was present, but the oIlier side wuould submnit their case in a printed bief without ar'gunmnt. Therenpon Mr. Day arose, bowed piofonndly to the members of the court, took a few sips of water, suck ed a lemon and made several flourish.. es with a red bandanna hanidker'chie~f. Then reading from an elaborately decorated and1( prlinted brief' of. sever al huund red pages, a cop)y of wvhiich is still preservedl in thle archivecs of the couri, Mr. lDay said: ''May it please thfle court, whien Ithe Bonny Blue flag wuent dlown before the Star Spangled lBanner, t ha t glorious emblem of the union, the conistit ution and( the en fceinmnt of the law again waved in triumiph "1 '(irom Maine 's dark pines and a .eirags of snow S To where inagnolian breezes blow.' 'It was fondly hoped that civil strife and conteiition were at an end, and that peace, quiet and repose had ret urned to bless the land.. But these were hopes which but allured to fly, for searcely had the soundse of artil 1ery ceased and the. amokE of battle cleared off, and scarcely had inn mi become dry on the parehngtst Opu" don which fell from the exe ollh havd tldek as an itinil 1aea 'ta N tewed the br~o~ Sn'N Vaarmnb*ose orior of the supreme coutt of Louis lana.to reverse a victory, obtained it this new mode of hostility and' attael upon the powers and authotity of th United States and the rights of on which are firmlyl based upon th same.I: During the flood of eloquence ther( was a whispered consultation betweer the chief justice and his ass6eiates When Mr. Day completed the las word quoted above, which was the first page of his voluminous brief, he paused to take a sip of water. It prdved to be a fatal sip, for the chief justice informed the orator that the court hiad concluded to affirm the de. cision 'of the 'ow' Iribunal and, therefore, further argument would he unnecessary. This staggered Mr Day and le resuined his seat, but il is a matter of record that he nevei agaii appeared before the United States supreme court. One of Justice Bradley's Naps. ti-hing the closing years of his ju (icial career Justice Bradley, nick named "Alinude Joe' for his course in tihe iayes-Tilden controversy, was in the habit of taking a nap while the court was in session. He had an understandiig with an attendant by wlhicli he was to be aroused daily af ltr dozitig awhile. This system worked well and the old gentleman took ia nap daily, cov ering his face with his hands, as if in meditation, and only court officials aid his associates knew that he was asleep. One day Solicitor General Phillips. who was noted for his abili ty to state griefly and comprehensive lV points at issue, was presenting the governmeiit's side of a ease. Closing his argument, having previously dwelt with directness upon the one great principlo in the ease, solicitor general was astonished when Judge Bradley straightened up in his chair and re quested Mr. Phillips "to enlighten the court onl tile main poiiit before con eluding.'' "Tf your. hionlor please.'' said the s0licWitor1 .11enleral, " I end(eavorVed to bie xllivit on that point in the earlier sa eor Il. ar-minlellf. Jltlin fromi qllS (lmeo 1lglVStlolls; propoiled Ime by other imeihers of tle court I iia1ined I had sieeded." There was a viiple of laughter throulghout the court rooni, and Jud.e Davis. il an " aside." remarked: "Brother Bradlev has beenl taking a nap.' subsequently it developed that the attendant whIt usually arouseld .1ud._e Bradley by delivering him a law book at a certain time. was out of the court. room at the hour he was ex pected to awaken the sleeping jus tiCe. Two Justices on the Gridiron. Justices Brewer and Brown are tal. Clted after-dinner wrators, and theii wit an(l humor is of the keenest. varie tv. Receitlv hith were -u.ts at a gridiron dinier. Justice Brewer, be ing tle senior on tle bench, etimlettv required1 t hat if cal led upon a. Juist ic< Brewer umiut speak Iirist. Ini a wvitty short talk of tunre gridiriont flavor,. J1us tiee Brewer accusedl his associa< with plagiariing from JIoe Miller ' JIoke Book and1 similar publication fo his post-praindial efforts. He adde< that his brother- had gone furt her ii quest of originality, for in a recen volume of sup~remue court decisionis hi hiad dliscovered an opinion of his owl credited to .Justice Brown. Th'lis led to a rejoinder biy Justic Brown to the effect that persons writ ing the name of Br-own or Br-ewe carelessly were liab)le to create con fusion. He confessed that on severs occasions that he had received mnai intended for his Brother Brewer. I do not object to finding notes o a sentimental nature intended for m; br1other ini my mail, said Justie Bi-own, nor will I protest too vigorous ly because his bills are fr-equently sen to me, ''but I will not uinder any eli cuimstances bo held responsible for hi legal opinions.' Therec was a roar of laughter, and was the consensus of .opinion tha honors w-erec even between the two jus tices so far- as repartee was conceorr ed. It Was His Busy Day. '"Ethel,''.he whispered, ''will yo marr-y me7'' "'I don't knowv, Charles,'' she r< plied coyly. '"Well, when you find out,." lie sai rising, "send me word, wvill you? shall be at Mabel Hick's until 1 -o'clook. If I don't hear from you b 10 I'm going to ask het." Story From Kenitucky. If*arrodlsburg Herald. W. A. ' Sharp. telephoned us froi manrsdall $'esterday that PWoon ia tiitied the slop froxm hIi't Qi e4r into;Sal4 River andjtbat it lia *i4 (the flah~ druntk i thaMe." 5( he 'r a sa, haealld auo b jumpe. Bob Edgar quit workg i the sight. He noticed a aW%ed that seemed to be tight and he sto over. on something that he, was a stinp in the waer:.- a the eat. It proved to be, a 200 po ' turtle full of booze, and it movedVf into deep. water with him.. As can't swim Hugh Vanarsdall and 4t. era reseued him with difficulty. RELIGIOU8 THOUGHT. Gesn Gleaned From the Teabhi .o All Denominationt. If you are going to malie home a pav adise, let love preside in it.-Rev. W. H. W. Rees, Methodist, Pittsburg. Coanpaaaion. Compassion is too beautiful to be de scribed by the pauper hieroglyphics of language or painted by pigments that have not been prepared in the holy of holies of an artist's soul.-Rev. Moore Sanborn, Unitarian. Atlanta, Ga. iarnest Christianity. - The brightest examples of earnest Christianity are generally found amid\ 4 widespread indifference. Surroundings per se can never ruin a man. Influ ences. however pernicious, are power- I less when they face a human will that has decided to conquer.-Rev. Earl Hewson, Congregationalist, St. Louis. Church Degeneracy. The carelessness with which many attend religious services is one of the principal causes of church degeneracy. Every Christian, no matter where he happens to be on Sunday, should make it the rule of his life to attend religious services at least once during the day6 Rev. G. F. Hall, Independent, Chicago. Fewer of Infuence. Long ages ago some one sinned, ate of the forbidden fru}t, and the result has been Immeasurable woe and sor row to the world. Today the actions of the present generation will influence future man none know how greatly, but it will be so.-Rev. S. B. Haslett, Unitarian, Worcester, Mass. Common Good. The only way to have personal ben efit is to work and live and die for the common good. le enters most in timately into the thought of God who follows the example of the Son of God and gives for the pleasure of giving and dies for the glory of dying.-Rev. A. S. Crapsey, Episcopalian, Rochester, . N. Y. Perfect Marringe. A perfect marriage. if it Could be found, would be first a perfect con panionship, then passionate love super seding, for the two are quite separate. If you who are not married find that you ever get into such relation with a man or woman that you would seek their compaiionship and find comfort and help and stimulus in it day by day, week by week, year by year, theii It is pretty safe to get married.-Rev. Minot J. Savage. Unitarian. New York. How to ne Happy. The only way to be happy with men Is to open your souls to faith and trust and good will. Believe in somebody, trust somebody, love somebody with the large affection which covers faults with beautiful' trellis work and brings out Into the light till of the virtues and good poicts. Do that and see how it will warm your heart and set it thrilling with the resonanuces of good cheer. Come out of your selfish shell and see in others as good <iualities as you seem to yourself to have and learn how mutch they can add to your store of good feelinig.-Itev. II. R. IIarris, Epls copalian, Philadelphia. [fct Law of Hlumnan Life. Mef haegone to the ends of the earh i serchof wealth when at their ver dors repiled up fabulous stores of It. Thteir~ eyes are holden that they do not see it. So it is with this perfect law of life, this law of liberty. Men are still slaves and are cryIng out for -- a deliverer yet to come when that - deliverer is at their very door-yea, . even walking by thieir side - and is Ireadly to break the chains that have so Ilong bound them. But they do not see It, because they have not yet looked into this perfect law of human life and have not put it to the test.-Rev. Dr. ~B. P. Fullerton, Presbyterian, St. i Louis. .. Temptation Teat.. t Old Athens had one monster Mino taur, but our modern cities have many. We have the open saloon, that high way to hell; the gambling den, that death place of honor, and tho brothel, t that graveyard - of manhood. In the t wise plana of .Cod temptations are per . mitted to assail young mcen, and, there .. ia a divine purpose in it all. Tempta tions are.testa. They develop the mnor al niature and strengthen character. -By resisting temptation .the young man grows to noble manhood. Battleflds Li develop, heroes, and these moral- con flicts develop heroic souls, young mna must meet and overcome femptation. God pledges his aid to every young man.--Rev. J. W. Harsha, Presbyte rian, Plttsburg. UNIVERSITY O F SOUT H OARO Scholarship htAmination. THEl UNIVERON1Y OF SOUTHl CAROLINA .offets Seholatrship in n the Normal Dopiadment to two young a men fran.ekehd1iuity, Each sehalor. -~ipis' worth *O money and $18 d Xantrotaien i ,o 9~~..u fee. 0 t6,vib held At Co ,othe Un1yivrs Vi( Humor s philoS6phy A busn wagon by any othe4 nam Prould smelt as . The world will be thank'ful l*tas resuvius and is relatifns get through bouse cleaning. Yielding to generous Impulse is -a aInful operation for some people. Some of our infant industries act as I they felt they had to sit up nights to iupport their papers. A, time -of famine is the only time e 'at man has the laugh on a thin man. It is only one of the surprises of life o find the chucklehead of your school lays In the front ranka An middle age. A sense of averages 1s more to be de ited than a rich father-in-law. E9very man has his share of troublo, Wnd the married man has two shares. The more money a man has the few, w'people he esteems. An Abused Person. The umpire's Job is not' a snap, It any one should ask you, And for a modest, quiet chap The work in not a task you Would care to pick if he desired A life of peace and quiet And wasn't one of those inspired With love of noise and riot. Xo matter how he may hand out A very close decision, It's bound to raise on high a shout Of lond and harsh derision. Although he does the best he cav, Some one Is always .willing 91o say of this berated man That what he needs is killing. Old cans and such around him crash And language most annoying, :ig bottles and a lot of trash His peace of mind destroying. The names they call him, I'm afrai0, Would cause a public scandal If other kir.ds of men were made To use them for a handle. Why doesn't he resign and get A job that's much more humdrum? That is a mystery, you bet, Likewise a hard conundrum. He s.ticks and takes the frenzied wit Of those who would be funny. rho only answeK that will fit 1B, He must need the money. Just on the Quiet. "Jones' wife is a great advocate of roman suffrage." "I understand he holds some views )n that subject hiniself." "Yes; what views he has he hods all 'Ight. He don't even dare let them out 'or exercise." Might Be Jealous. "Awful about bose monkey linners society eople give." "What Is the na tter vith hem ?" "Everything." rou are sore be ~ause you wecre i iot invitedl." Not His. "Has my train gone yet?" "I guess not. One just pulled out, but it belonged to the railroad com Anfy." Trying to Get the Effect, "What Is Miss Bigdoilar so blue "Because her name Isn't in the blue book." In the Spring Act. The billowy green Of the orchard's sheen is a dream of dear delight. And the soft breeze blows ,. The orcha.rd's snows Far from our ken and sight. And the garden rose That the memory knows In its freshness blooms anew, And I feel the thrall Of the past's soft call Au I dream, sweetheart, of you. * Did Their Best. "Did you have a squally passage?' "Well, there wvere thirteen babies on the boat and y'ou can judge for your self.,____ Good Man In a Droight, "You don't hear much of him, buitfie Is. the power behind the throne." "Sort of a reign maker, a. it were." 4eat Ambitlo. W..EU PELHI) Reliable Ph 'We sell S-e .Remedie usis Reliable We guar Fa6tion with every pakal When your doctor wrl bring of send it to us. C preparing medicines. A practices; we use puresi make our highest aim to wishes. Our prices are r Pelham SReliable Druggists, 20th( Making TWO THOUI CHOICE TENNESSEE I )nd While it Lasts to 0 Best Patent $5.0C Best half Pat. $4. Best Meal 85c. b Best Grits $1.75 S Don't pay any more, don't be swit ilong, save money and buy from us. Our immense stock of spring goods ies and fancy goods and staples, our ng novelties in millinery. Come and 'ight thing in prices, style, quality, & >ly cannot beat us, we dorIt make r rou up on balance, people getting Md looking out more fdr No. x. Cor ,orty years experience counts somet lon't you forget it, PROSPERII SPEC For the Nexi WE OF 50 Ba :OF Straigh AT $4.00 PE S. S. Bir FRANK R. HUNTE We Link Co-Operati, Buyer and SelHerjO Any Land., Any Where,. SAny Price.~ NEWBERR' When You Buy, Sell or Excha Our connection with the Nort] enables us to handle land any wl FRANK R. HUI trmacists, . 'What yOU bu Entee Absolute atI Ze sent out. tes your prescription )ur main busines I. (e allow no .lip-shod medicines only. We carry out the doctor's easonable. & Son, Newberry, S. C. 'AND Barrels of that 'LOUR Just Received oat Every bbl. 10 guaranteed. ishel. ack. ched off by argument, come right arriving embracing all the novel Mrs. Moseley in the North select see us, we are prepared to do the :c., for an all round bill you sim cut price on one thing and burn educated and opening their eyes ie and see us and be convinced. hing, we will treat you right and rYO S. C. o*IAL, Ten Days FER Lrrels t. Flour ~R BARREL. eg Co. R& COMPANY, e Sellers Ae.n on SImproved Farm 1UUiI iiiC. Stocks and Bond. . S. C. -. Bought and Sold. Want to nge Real Estate Scs. ~American Land Company Lere. JTER, Manager.. Busiess ndl uri 11115