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x ^ (S ' ' VOL.'XLIX. CAMDEN, S. C., THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 1890. NO. 24. fc'f .J:-. . , rr.r-i ?? m, _ HIS OLD YELLOW ALMANAC. I left the farm when mother died, and changed my place of dwellin' To daughter Susie's stylish house, right in the city street. And there was them, before I came, that sort of scared me, tellin' How I would find the town folks ways so difficult to meet. They said I'd have no comfort in the rustlin', fixed-up throng, And I'd have to wear stiff collars every week-day right along. I find I take to city ways just like a duck to water, I like the racket and the noise, and never tire of shows; And there's no end of comfort in the mansion of my daughter. And everything is right at hand, and money freely flows, ADd hired help is all about, just listenin' for mv mil. m"J -?? But I miss the yellow almanac off my old kitchen wall. The house is full of calendars, from attic to the cellar. They're painted in all colors, and are fancy-like to see; But just in this particular I'm not a modern feller, And the yellow-covered almanac is good enough for rae; I'm used to it, I've seen it round from boy hood to old age. And I rather like the jokin' at the bottom of each page. I like the way the "S" stood out to show the week's boginnin' (In these new-fangle i calendars the days seemed sort of mixed), And the man upon the cover, though he wa'n't exactly winnin', "With lungs and liver all exposed, still showed how we are fixed; And the letters and credentials that were writ to Mr. Ayer 1'vo often, on a rainy day, found readin1 very fair. I tried to find one recently; there wa'n't one ? in the city. They toted out great calendars in every sort of style; I looked at 'em in cold disdain, and answered 'em in pity, Td rather have my almanac than all that costly pile," And, though I take to city life, I'm lonesome, after all, For that old yellow almanac upon my kitchen wall. ?Ella Wheeler Wilcox, in Ihe Century. Eecta's Night Harangue. BY JOHN J. A'BECKET. There were a thousand thiDgs that troubled Mr. Burnham's mind. Not all at once, of course, because if troubles do . 1__ At J__tA * _ I never come singly, moy aon i lnvauc a mortal like a plague of locusts?hundreds ' at a time. But there were always a few ! little worrimeuts -which settled on pour Mr. Burnham like three or four bees in j the calyx of one flower, sucking the j sweetness out of it. But the flower which yields up its sweetness to the in- | vading bee has this advantage, that it ( can keep up a brave front and distill as exquisite a perfume even if the winged marauders filch every vestige of sweetness from it. And the worst of it was that, as a rule, Mr. Burnham created, or, at least, entertained most of his worriments. If he went into a restaurant for his iunch, he could not tell what it was lie wanted on the menu, and instead of falling back on roast-beef, which is a safe escape in this : complication, he would balance shad rce and Kennebec salmon and spring lamb, until he was vexed at himself and almost lost his appetite. But the poor man had one somewhat justifiable source of mental trouble. It was a sweet little girl, six years old. She a worry? Yes; she was. And this was only because she was the dearest little thing in the world. She was perfectly healthy, so she was exuberantly active. Mr. Burnham was afraid she would break her leg or get run over. She was as pretty as an orchid. Mr. Burnham used to sigh at the prospect ot her marrying some handsome, worthless fellow when 6he was seventeen. The absurdity of borrowing trouble a dozen years away, if . - it came at all, was no help to the good man. lie was always dealing in futures of that kind. Ihe chief thing that troubled him was Nina's education. Through a dreadful dispensation of fate Nina's mother died ; when the little fairy was only five; so the j task of educating the child devolved i upon Mr. Burnhnm entirely. And lie had very strict, conscientious views about, education. He felt that the formation of Nina's character depended on him, and he was so dreadfully afraid that he mightn't uiouel it aright. His business kept him away a good deal; and though he had obtained the best governess he could find for his little 1 girl, he felt that parental care was an nii-jLupui umt lavjiui. iiu mway a thinking what he could do to improve Hiss Nina's mind and disposition. The result of this constant straining after the best educational methods led him one day to conceive what he regarded as a happy idea, and an original one, too. Much of the happiness of the thought for Mr. Burnham lay in this fact, that he felt it was a bright spark thrown off by his own mind, and which hadn't occurred to anybody before, t He was hurrying along Broadway one | day when he saw a sign telling of talk| :ing dolls. Dplls had always seemed, to A Mr. Burnham to have their value in a A child's education, because t'aey fostered -the sense of responsibility in the little ifii 0JDe* But here was a doll that could do more than that. "I have to be away so much from Nina," he said to himself, as he stopped and read the sign. ' 'Now what an advantage it would be if she could have something that would say nice things to her when I am not by!" His ideas were somewhat vague on the HHgfflS^Lubject of talking dolls. He was really MMftg^Lrguing as if he could go into the shop glSnSi^Ld select some conversational Madame de Sta<jl of a doll, who would discourse etc'nics like a traveling missionary. He went in. A young man with a prominent nose and a retreating chin advancing briskly and asked what he wanted. Mr. Burnham said he would like to see some of the talking dolls that he might interview them. The beautiful puppets were lying on their backs in a show-case, laid out as if this were an undertaker's establishment ! for dolls. The clerk extracted one exI quisitely pretty doll with fluffy golden I hair, round staring eyes, and a complex* i ion that put a rose leaf to shame. It was dressed in a beautiful lace frock with pale blue ribbons strung through it. The clerk seized it, wound up some apparatus m its back and then held it ! perpendicularly. At the same time Mr. Burnham heard a strident voice, 'ike a | lusty dwarf's, say with almost painful nrecision: " Jack?and?Jill?went?up ?the?hillTo?draw?a?pail?of?water? Jack ? fell - down?and ? broke ? his? crown? And?Jill?came?tumbling?after." This was what this golden-haired doll had to say. Somehow this brief history of Jack and Jill seemed to lack a moral, because the contemporaneity, bo to speak, of their adversity, did not really I have a lesson ia it. He turned to some of the others. Each doll had a square printed label setting forth the extent of her loquacity. But the tafking dolls really seemed to have a strauge liking for Mother Goose melodie3. One frivolous thing said: "Now I lay me down to sleep," etc.,but the accents of her speech did not seem reverential enough to Mr. Buruhnm. There was actually no more tenderness in her toues than if she were reciting the multiplication table. Then 3Ir. Burnham's mind went through another convolution, and the result of it was that he determined to go to the man that made the dolls, and have some little sentiments of his own, directed to Nina's improvement, injected into the doll's powers of speech. The result was that one day he came home with a very beautiful doll. He wound it up, and then gravely placed it on his knee, while Nina looked hungrily at it in an ecstasy of delight over its lace gown and fluffy hair. Suddenly her blue eyes dilated and-her little mouth expanded as if it were a blossom about to bloom. She heard in her papa's voice these words: "Now I wouldn't do that I Do you think it nice? How do person? who act that way turn out? Be good, and you'll be happy, and papa will be proud of his little girl." Niaa shrank away from the uncanny thing. Its glitering eyes and tight little pink lips were perfectly motionless, and yet it was talkinginher papa'* voice. She had glanced quickly up at his mouth when she heard the first words, but it was as set as the dolly's- and had almost a3 dwccv a omaic uu u. She was just about to cry when Mr. Burnham carefully explained to her that it was only a little bit of machinery in the doll's breast that talked that way. Gradually, the child got to like it and would wind up the machinery and hear the doll say with dignified precision and great unction: "Now I wouldn't do that I Do you think it is nice?" and the rest of it. She set it off several times during the day, and Sir. Burnham felt that he had hit on a very ingenious scheme for watching over his little girl when he was awiy. Of course he had to take chances that, as a rule, the doll would dissuade Nina, from doing something that was not right; but he felt that there was a corrective sound in the words, aud that thero was no daugcr of her being prevented from doing what a little girl ought to by the doll's speech. But if she were doing anything be would not wish her to, the sound of her papa's voice coining from the talking doll would have peculiar force, in its combination with the smail voice of her conscience. He told Nina that the doll's name was Recta. Mr. Burnham knew Latin, and Recta means "Right" in that language. That night Nina had becomo such friends with Recta that 9hc wished to take her into her little bed with her, and her papa, after cautioning her against kissing it for fear the paint would come off on her mouth, allowed her to do so. So Recta was laid with her fluffy head of hair on the same pillow where Nina's rested, and they went to sleep together. It was about one o'clock, when the house was all in slumber and quite dark, that two bold, bad men came in at the rear door. They had not been invited, and they would not have been welcome had they been seen, for they moved in quite different circles of society from 3Ir. Burnham and bi9 little girl. Knowing they were not looked for, the two young gentlemeu let themselves in and made as little noise as possible so as not to disturb anybody. They even had some consideration for the policeman, who might be taking a little nap in some area way, and tried not to disturb him either. They were burglars, and they proposed to collect Mr. Burnham'9 plate and any little things that might look pretty in their own apartments over on the Et.st side. They got several pieces of silver which they put in a bag so as to carry them conveniently, and then they stole up stan-3, leaving uie nag a: tnc loot ot them till they should come down. Nina's room was next to her papa's, and both led off from a very pretty sitting room. The men got into the sitting room aud were groping their way about. One of them had just taken a silver candelabrum from the mantel-piece, and said in a hissing whisper to the other: "Bill, you bag 'tother one and let's get. We've got enough, and this is too risky.'' Just as Bill was reaching out a grimy hand to take the other candelabrum they heard on the still air these words of dignified expostulation, with a slightly strident quality in the tones which seemed to rive a sarcastic finish to them: "Now 1 wouldn't do that! Do you think it is nice? ITow do persons who net that way turn out? Be"? They ouly heard this much. They were so paralysed that they had to hear . as much as tbia; but as soon as thsy recovered they dropped the candelabra, scuttled down the stairs like two black cats, and were out on the street in a jiffy. Consequently they did not hear Recta say: "Be good and you will be happy, and papa will be proud of his little girl.'' They ran right out into the policeman's arms I He was coming up the street with that easy, rolling gait which an officer j has when he is simply walking on his j beat. He rattled on the curbstone with his club and clutched the first of the two meu. The other ran like a deer down tho street; but they got him, too, afterward. Mr. Burnham heard the noiso the men made, and also heard Nina scream 1 "Papa," in a frightened way. He rushed I into the little girl's room and found her 11 cowering under the coverlid, with Recta j i clasped tightly to her for protection. He i called "Thomas!" a3 loudly as he could, j 1 and in a few moments Thomas came down and lit the gas, and found the bag of plate at the foot of the stairs. Then i they knew that the house had been "bur- ' gled," and later the policeman told them ' ho had caught the burglar. Nina had awakened in the night, and, hearing a foottall in the next room, wound up Recta to give her papa a little surprise. The speech was a perfect success as a surprise, and Mr. Burnham felt prouder than ever of his idea. "When the burglars learned how they had been caught, "Bill" turned to the other and said, disgustedly : "It's a pretty hard go for a cove to be dropped ou by a doll-baby 1" But they were not u=ed to doll-babie9 that talked at night. That is their excuse for being so flurried over Recta's night harangue. Mr. Burnhum felt that the talking doll had more than paid for itself. ?JStw lorn independent. Wealth Inside a Statue. * j Pygmalion, the ancient artist, could not be more overjoyed when his statue became transformed into a lovely woman, than the heirs of the late Mme. Artaud, who recently died in Paris, France, when thev discovered a considerable fortune carefully hidden away in the interior of i a common plaster of pari9 reproduction of the famous Venus of Milo. The history of the sudden find is curious and entertaining. Mme. Artaud died without making a will, and, as she had no notary, her children and grandchildren appealed to a financial adviser of the deceased who used occasionally put her money out in Stock Exchange speculations. That the old lady had left a fair share of lucre was certain, and as not a stiver nor a bank note could be found anywhere in her rooms, the Jieirs came to the natural conclusion that the financial agent must have been intrusted by Mme. Artaud with her money before she made her exit from this world. The agent declared in the most positive manner that he had received nothing in a long time from Mme. Artaud, who, feeling her end approaching, gave up Bourse speculations. This did not satisfy the heire, who plumply accused tue agent ot naving appropriated what did not belong to him, but as they had no proofs against him, they were unable to begin legal proceedings. They accordingly set to work to divide the furniture aud general belongings of he deceased betwen them. The dining and salon chairs, tables and trappings were in Empire style and worth from $1500 to $2000, but as it would bo impossible to obtain more than half their value, the discontent among the heirs increased. A lottery of the effect* having been originated, an old statue represent iug the Goddess of Love fell to one of ' the daughters of the deceased, who was ( about to break it with vexation when one of her relatives proposed to examine it to see if by any chance it were a rare , work of art. The base of the statue was covered over underneath with oil cloth, , and when the covering was removed out tumbled a choice collection of bank notes, bonds, securities and obligations, , the whole amounting in value to about $10,000. The plaster of paris Venus will be piously preserved by the family now as an emblem of luck and a happy heirloom.?London Telegraph. Wonderful Increase in Horse Speed. "The wonderful increase in the speed of both men and horses of recent years," said an old racing man the other day, "holds out an nlluring prospect for the future. Everybody remembers whou a 2:40 gait was. looked upon as very rapid traveling for a trotter, but nowadays the road hor6C who cannot do that time is not worth treasuring in memory over night. There arc over GOO horses in this country which havo actually done better than 2:30 this year. They arc in all sections of the country, and every ho^sc has a fond owuer-who is assiduously developing his speed. These facts are far more significant than the occasional performances of phenomenal horses like Sunol or Jay-Eyc-Sce. The two-rainute limit no longer looks far away. A companion of Qgure3 shows that out of-600 trotters mentioned above considerably over 400 are less than seven years old. The trotter, unlike the runner, improves with age. Big 3pecd is often found in a ten or twelve year old, whereas a runniug horse nowadays is pretty well played out after his third year unless he has a cast-iron constitution and a disposition that nothing can ruffle. There is a big chance for the development of rocord breakers out of the 400 young horses who are at present stretching their muscular legs over training tracks in various , parts of the country."?iYeio York Sun. Napoleon's Lost Fockotbook. During the three years before Waterloo Emperor Napoleon offered large rewards for the recovery of a pockctboolc he had lost at the crossing ot tho Beresiua. After the lapse of more than three-quarters of a century it ha3 been discovered in the possession of a ltussian lady, who received it as a souvenir from Con ut Fcbs J^doehovsky. ? T?-nts-Dmo' I oral. - ' TAMED 'LIONS. MORE readily broken than ANY BEAST OF THE FOREST. TaUffht to Appeal Feroclotts-?-Experl? ences of Circus Men tVith "The King of Beasts"?Romanced About Circus Accidents. The writer has taken the trouble to hunt up the records of lions thaf have been shown and perfo&ned in the United Stales during the past^twenty*. years and find* that there is not A-single instance on record of a performqT or anybody else having been bitten by?-ferocious lion. In all that time only one man,who was drunk at the time of A'e occurrence, has been struck by the paw of a lion. This man was paid for brutajdy maltreating one of his charges by a blow that knocked him senseless and was left lying in the bottom of the cage lo^ twenty minutes, while the four occupants of the cage which ho was in quitftly curled themselves up in the corner and watched him. That occurred in Pennsylvania, and he was a man named Adam "Wehzel, who was with the O'Brien show. A HIGHLY TRAINED FOREST MONARCH. "As a matter of fact," said John B. Dorip, the well-known museum manager, jut formerly a circus proprietor of some .hirty years' experience, "there is no iniraal with which wt; circus men have to deal that is so easy to handle, and so afe for aperformcr a* a lion. In every:hing they are just like great big goodaatured dogs, easy to train and more than ordinarily easy to perform. In fact, ifter they are once trained to do their :ricks, anybody with whom they are acquainted, such as an attendant or a man whom they have been accustomed to see iround the show, can go into their cage md put them through their act with perfect safety. Why, in one season I had no less thau eleven mctt perform my lions ind in each case these, rngp were feeders, :anvas-m^n, ho3tIcip-ffa<Kpbtfrgr employes Df the circus who woul^oeapt To" he ibout the animals all the time. 4'It is the appearance of 1 he lion and that dreadful roar of his that strike terror into the heart of the spectator and cause him to think that he is in great danger; but that roar of the lion, while so dreadful in sound, is like a good many other things in the show business, more of a deception than otherwise. A lion really only roars when he is in a particularly good humor, and he can no more help doing it than can a dog help barking. "An incident occurred with my show in Indianapolis which proves how gTeat the terror a lion will cause and really how docile he is. We were fixing up in the spring of 1886 to go on the road, in the Exposition building, and I believe ff\A man of wnrlr in lUUiU n cic liutc. uuuuiv^u uivu aw k v*u. ?<? the building. One of my men, named Pearl Sowder, was transfening the four lions from the old cage to the newly painted wagon, when, by the carelessness of one of the attendants, the door flew Dpen and two of the animals, Romeo and George, jumped out and started across the room towards a couple of barrels that contained fat from the meat with which the animals were fed. The minute they struck the ground somebody spied them and shouted 'The lions are loose!' In a half a minute?yes, in less time than that?every one of those 300 men was out of that building, and they didn't stop for doors either: they went through windows, taking, glass and everything else. "Sowders heard the noise, and looking round, jumped out of the cage, ran across the room, grabbed Romeo by the scruff of the neck and dragged him back and literally booted him into the cage, and then served George the same way. All those two lions cared for was the fat in the barrel. I paid $80 for the glass, though, that the men broke when they went through the windows, and so my recollection of that incident is a vivid one." TIIE LIONS ABE LOOSE. The two lions Mr. Dorris spoke of ai jumping out of the cage were two of the best trained animals ever shown ii America and when Dorris sold out hi circus the Orrin Brothers bought then and took them down to Mexico, where ?... ~J11 ?%A?fArminrr Roman waa lu\sy <tru dim pcumunu^. a?VUJW ..MW afterwards trained by a man named Volta to do the riding act and it is said that the exhibition of the lions in a bull pan in Vera Cruz by the Orrins netted them ?10,000 in one week. This part of Romeo's act consisted of crouching on a padded horse while the horse was galloping around the ring, and then at the word of command junipiDg over a banner and alighting on the pad again. Romeo has also been taught to walk a narrow plank much in the fashion as a tightrope. Prof. George C'onkling, who is JBarjuun & Bailey's animal trainer1, smiled when asked if lions were dangerous and said: ""Well, no; I should think not. And tkeie are only two animals that we have anything to do with that are dangerous; one is an elephant and the other a.leo-| pard." Lions are very easily broken and very easily performed after being broken. Why, I took four lions when the Barnum show went into winter quarters and broke them to do a halLdozon tricks in two weeks, in addition to training den9 of wolves, bears, hyneas, leopards, tigers and pumas. The way I usually train animals is to give them an hour or two hours' oractice morning and afternoon. In training lions, we begin with the simplest of tricks; for instance, take the act of a lion jumping through a hoop. One attendant holds the hoop on the ground , and the lion is made to walk through; if he does not walk through or does not I understand, why take hold of the back of his neck and haul him through. After 1 he knows that he has got to go through that hoop anyway, it is lifted up a little higher from the ground, until finally the desired height is reached." "How do you train a lion so that you can put your head in his mouth?" "That doesn't require any training; just yank his mouth opeu and put your head in." "How about the sensation when the lion stands up and puts his paws on your shoulders?" "Well, we lift him up until he is made to understand that he must get up himself. The usual performances of the lions are in this manner: The cage is divided into three compartments, with a door between each, and the trainer goes in there and he first makes a picture; ho stands in the centre with a whip in' each hand, while one lion stands up with his paws on the cage in one corner, and then crouches in one end, and the other two squat and watch him in a restless fashion; and then the trainer puts them through all their tricks, separately and together, such as jumping over a pole and through a hoop bound with oakum and saturated with naphtha, all flaming, puts his head in their mouths and winds up the act by firing rapidly a six-barrelled revolver, ana jumps out ana slams the door of the cage behind him. And if he has an especially well-trained lion, avhe slams the gate that lion will jump against the bars and make them, rattle." 'How are they trained to jump against the bars?" "In the same way they are trained to jump over a pole. We wind up the act in the same way every night, and the closing of the gate is a signal for the lion to jump." JiAreihey amenable to kindness, Mr. Conkling?" "Yes; but they arc much more amenable to the discipline of the gad. But they are unlike other animals in this particular; they do not have to be constantly watched after once broken. A leopard is treacherous, and no matter whether you have worked him ten years or ten days, if you take your eye off of him for one instant he will strike you. Of TEACHING A LION TO JUMP. course, some animals are more easily trained thaa others, and so when we get a lion that is not easily broken we don't waste time on him, but set him aside and train those that are most intelligent." "Are there many performing lions in the United States?' "Well, I couldn't say just how many, but there arc a great number. Mr. Forepaugh had so many at one time, over thirty, that he gave them away for almost nothing to save the cost of his meat bill. The female will have a litter every six months of three to five cubs, and as the whelps are ordinarily healthy and breeding of lions has been going on for the past thirty years there must be a great many throughout the United States. A good specimen, full grown, and well broken male is worth $2000." One of the animal attendants at Central Park had something to say about lions, and he confirmed the statements of Mr. Doris and Mr. Conkling as to their docile qualities. He said: "Young man, have you ever seen an attendant clean out a n TT -?* ?flmrn onfl fiWPHnS cage f ne justgcia iu w?v 4~ away, aud if the big 'cat' is in the way, he sweeps him to one side with the dirt; there is no more harm in lions to a man that knows 'cm than there is in a big dog. I'll tell you a curious thing about lions and animals. Just watch animals that are fat and hsalthv, and then you look at the man that takes care of tnem and feeds them, and you'll find that he is a great, big, red-faced, healthy man -himself. Animals don't like thin, consumptive-looking chaps, and they get thin and worry and lose their tempeis with that kind of attendants. I was I with Forepaugh for ten years aud he | wouldn't have a thin mnn 'round the' show?that is, near the animals, no, i - never did hear of a man being bitten or > scratched by a lion, except one man and 1 he didn't know his business. Why, lion 5 performances are so common that the } circus people don't think the act any , good any more, and a lion trainer can't-, i get over $30 a month. That's the reason . 1 quit the circus business. I can remember a time when there was good money in it. I first went with Van Amburgh, who was the greatest animal trainer that ever lived." Every season, while a circus is travel ; jng around the country, wrecks occur, i; Cages get smashed and animals get out. When that is the case and a lion gets out ij of the cage*which is his home he doesn't know what to do, and crouches on the ground much more frightened than the r people around huiij and he stays there I until somebody takes and puts him in his fcage or brings the cage up to him and then he will jump in. A good illustrative instance of that kind occurred in a railroad accident in a tunnel just outside "WITHOUT CEREMONY. of Baltimore about two years ag<f. In the Cole show the lion and tiger cages were wrecked in the center of the tunnel, and the lion got out and roamed through the tunnel in the dark until finally he walked out one end and jumped into an empty cage. But Mr. Cole had to take a lantern and go in the tunnel and secure the black tiger himself, which he did without much difficulty. There is a school for the training of animals or properly a building in which | animals are trained on the edge of the meadows at the back of Jersey uity Heights, and over there is a lion whelp being trained to do some remarkable tricks. Already be can see-saw on a board, stand up on his hind paws and walk a few feet, drag a wagon around while harnessed to it, and his trainer is trying to make him wind up his performance by trotting off to his cace carrying the apparently senseless body of his master in his mouth. If he succeeds in thoroughly training him, and it looks now as if he would, the lion will undoubtedly be worth a mint to Mr. Seaman, his master.?New York World. GOO Miles on Snowshoes. Mr. J. W. Phillips, a resident of ToI ronto, is preparing for a winter's sojourn in the woods of Newfoundland, where he has what is called a "timber limit" of 250 square miles. It was in connection with this lumber enterprise that, some seasons ago, Mr. Phillips undertook one of the most perilous journeys on record. One day in the dead of winter he started to walk on snowshoes from his mill at PHILLIPS ON HIS JOURNEY. Point Limington to Bay d'Espoir, a distance of 250 miles. At the latter point he hoped to catch a steamer for St. John, but in this he was disappointed. Thereupon he decided to cover the intervening 350 miles on foot, lie had a terrible experience. Dangers I from avalauches of snow beset him conI tinually. Then wolves struck his trail ! and followed him closely. He was | obliged to kill deer and leave the bodies j untouched that the wolves might eat j them instead. Twenty-two days after j leaving his mill Mr. Phillips reached St. i John. He had covered 600 miles on i snowshoes, carrying all the while a pack weighing forty-five pounds. Bill Nye's Attempt (it Dignity. Wax people are noted for their dignity and repose. They have no brains, out they never forget to be dignified. I hate dignified people, writes Bill Nye in the New York World. I never tried to be dignified but once, and that was two I weeks ago. I wore a handsome new frock coat and suit of dark blue and a now shining Russia iron silk hat, to drive my family over the Finger Bowl road on Statcn Island and on to South Beach. I was proud and haughty, dressed up, serene and mentally vacant iu order to look dignified. People who saw us driving thus afterward paid me a high compliment by telling my wife what a dignified. and thoroughly clerical-looking coachman she had. Since that I have not tried to look dignified. The municipality of Genoa, Italy, has, it is reported, consented to restore the house in which Christopher Columbus lived. It is rapidly falling into decayand has long stood in need of repair. Germany is the largest coal producing country of continental Europe, the amount of the production for 1887 being 81,803,611 tons. MY I.OVE IN THE LONG AGO, Soft i3 the light on the summer sea, When the sun in the west is low. And the billows sigh to the shells that lie In the sunset's mellow glow: But the beauty gleams in vain, And the tints that wax and wano And the song of the surge At the ocean's verge Seems naught but a dirge, For oh! , My thoughts fly far, 'neath the eveniug star, To my Love in the long ago. The wind comes up from the sighing sea, And the sea-bird's wing^f snow Fa les from my sight in the clasp of night, Like joy in the ?fms of woe; And I dream t>y the billows blue Of a heart that was leal and true; And I vow by the tide, , Though Fat-* may divide My faith shad abide, And grow; And my heart ever turn whilo the "Wijhb stars burn To my Love in the long ago. ?New Orleans Times-Democrat. PITH AND_POINT. "Wet to the skin?Raiu. A double shuffle?Two suicides. An "old timer"?The hourglass. Rough on rats?When Kitty "collars" them. Won by a neck?Prince Albert Victor's title of "Collars and Cuffs." The anatomist is the man who can give us the surest "inside informs- A tion." Know thyself and keep the information to thyself. This is good advice.?Hartford Reliqiout Herald. When the wolf is at the door, it would be a good idea to shoot him and get thebounty for his scalp.?Puck. She (after a lovers' quarrel)?"You may return my letters." He (editor)? ttrt.si TTr.il nnirinsp stftmna?"?Bazar. z.' "'UJV"V- 1 The man who holds a valuable patent . right is in possession to enjoy the pleas- , ' . ures of royalty.?Binghamton Republican. "Can you get the right pitch on this ,V_ cornct?f "Yes; gimme it {pitches it out of the window). There you are I"?Judge. K * "I dreamed of you last night, Hiss RosaUng." "Oh, did you ? And < what dres3 did I have on?"?Fliegende Blaetter. s A. "How much Miss Homely looks like her mother." B. "Yes, the resemblance is positively frightful.?Texas Biftings. "That fellow urns a good deal in a week." "Is he abank president?'.' "No. He works in a crematory."? American ~ Stationer. She?"Look at that lady, Charles. Isn't her bonnet heavenly?" He?"It is rather high, xthat's a fact."?Boston Tran%ript. * Now that the courts have decided that anyone may publish Noah Webster's dictionary, talk will be cheap.?American Stationer. "Porous plasters are good for a weak back." "That's all right but I want a plaster that will be good for a week hence.?Bazar. \ The difference between a starving man and a glutton is that one longs to eat and the other eats too long.?Binghamton Leader. "I'm not in it," said the traveler, as he stood on the station platform, and watched the last train disappear in the distance.?Puck. Preacher (reading)?"I asked for bread and ye gave me a stone." Jeweler (suddenly waking)?"Eh? How many carats?"?Jewelers' Weekly. . , A New York paper contains an article entitled "Why Cats arc Thin." Jonghnes says cats are thick enough around this place.?Norristown Herald. " W hat a baautiful baby! So pink and white!" Said the caller. I darei not tell her That I'd learned from many a sleepless night He was also a little yeller. ?Chicago Mail. If time is money, it would seem at first sight that the loafer ought to be the richest of men; but, after all, he hain't any more than anybody else.?SomcrviUe Journal. "It's the hardest thing in the world," says Bins, "to eat corn from the cob without getting it on your moustache." ' 'I never found it so," returned the Boston girl.?Brooklyn Life. "John," asked the Sunday-school teacher of the new scholar, "what do you know of the proverb regarding pco ? 1 -?? pie who live in glass uuua?;o? orter pull down the blinds."?Pud. "It's a scrappin' time I have of it," said the cook. 4'Here I've gouged the eyes out of the potatoes, basted the meat, split the head o' the cabbage, whipped the cream and beat the eggs, and now I've got to pitch in and do up the preserves."?Pittsburg Dispatch. A Noise Detective. A simple method has been devised, by means of which, in the midst of a busy workshop full of machinery in motion, any special noise, even though slight, can be distinguished aud its origin traced. The apparatus consists of an ordinary india-rubber gas tube about a yard in length may, however, be varied to suit the nature of the investigation. The tube is unprovided with ear-piece or ia nnnliorl tn thfi nnr of U L' II. V/JJC tuu iO ~ ~ the observer, while the other is moved about in order so explore the seat of the irregularity. Since the free orifice of the tube is comparatively small and is applied as closely as possible to the vibrating surface, it practically receives only those sonorous vibrations which are emitted by this surface. Those who have to do with machinery will find it especially useful for observing noises due to irregularities iu the working of small parts of machiucs, which may be cither difficult, or dangerous to approach in any other I way.?Chicayo Neics. A total of d72 new Granges have bceu ^organized this year. A