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' a,^ ^ ^ 'V i I I _? ^ * : I YOL. XXXVII. CAMDEN, S. C. APRIL 17, 1879. NO. 39. J ' __________________________ "' * ' *- ?i:? ~:*v. v,;? I l T.nrlfv Holder. ! (The Camden journal, rrrtLisiiED every tuursdai ?AT? CAMDEN, S. C., * ?BY? G. C. ALEXANDER. Subscription ltatoa : (is advance ) Ono Year $2 0( Six ilocths 1.CC m Funny Uncle Phil. T ?1 faH'o tnllnntr loot nirrKf xrKnn 1 11151111 LUC (JlUnil ivino uuiu?b ....... I lay abed, So I shut my eyes and listened to everything they said; AikI first they said that Polly and Phil were coming here, And a good old soul was Polly, but Phil was always queer. And they never, never, never, in all their lives could see How Polly came to marry him, nor how they could agree; For she was just as bright and sweet as any flower in May, But he was tight as a drum-head, and as black as a stormy day. And his nose was always poking into other tola's affairs, And he was altogether too fond of splitting hairs; a.,,? i,?in?i un miinv oorners voq never oould come near Without your hitting some ot them, or being in * constant lour. Well, I listened vay html, and I 'membered every word. And 1 thought it was the queerest thing a body ever heard; ? And iu the evening, when I hoard the chaise come Jown the hill, " 1 almost couldn't wait to see my fttnny Uncle Phil. Put, oh ! what stories grown folks tell! He wasu't bliiek ut all! Ami he hadn't anyiornere, but was plu.no and lair and syanfi; His nose turnedj-yp a little, but then it wa* so wee, How it oould ixJke so very mnch 1 really . I COIIUIU I s?. And when he saw me staring, he nodded hard, and smiled; And then he asked tlK-ui softly if 1 was Elsie's child; And wlien grandma said I was he took me gently otijiis knee, And wo ind my longest curl ubout his linger car dully. And he told me 'bout my uuunma when she was u little girl, And all the time he talked lie kept his tkigei on tluit curl; Till ut last I couldn't stand it, and I viij ped down by his chair, And asked iiim how he came to be so fond ol' splitting hair. My ! how he stared! and Jimmy Laughed, and gruudma shook her head. And grandpa had liis awful look, and Uncle Sam turned red; And then tlie clock tiekod very loud, the kitchen was so still, And 1 knew 'twas something (lreatUul I had said to Uncle Phil. Bat I couldn't help it then, so I told hiin ever)' word, And he listened very quietly; he never spoke nor stirred, Till I told him 'bout the corners, and said I didn't know it. - tin Viavf? ?in limnv when thore didn't any show. And then be laughed and laughed, till the kitchen fairly shook; And he give the frightened grown folks such a bright and funny look, And said, ' "lis true, ray littlegirl, when Polly married me I was 1'idl of ugly corners, but she's smoothed them down, you sec.'1 And then they all shook hands ugtiin, and Jimmy gave three elieers, And Uncle Sam said little pitchers liad uiost monstrous cars; And grandma Ki&seU Aunt jrouy; nut men sue looked at ine, And said I'd better "meditate" while she was getting tea. % '"That menus tliat I must sit and think what naughty tilings I've done; It must be 'cause I'm little yet?they seemed to think 'twas fun. 1 don't quite understand it all; well, by and by ' I will Creep softly np to hiin, and ask mv funny 'Jncle Phil. ?Amelia Dailry-Alten in Wide Awake. : AN APRIL HOAX. Looking at it from without, it does not appear very unlike its fellows, this little suburban cottage of the Kosv, with its unpretending hooded porch, over which the ivy trails its dark green fclhige, its two parlor windows in front, and its hay-window at the side; but within there is nothing commonplace. Every room, every corner, reflects the refined taste of Janet Roy, and the quaint fancies of her brother Dick. Dick, the handsome, the talented, the fjcntlemanly?he is all this and more in lis.sister Janet's eyes?is sitting.on the window-seat, the ^ sun bathing his shapely figure in its impartial rays, lie is reading the morning paper; with more interest probably than most men nr^ wont to have, for he recognizes the mannerism of each writer on the editorial page?he is on the editorial staff himself?and takes pleasure in seeing how Smith treats the Eastern question, what Jones thinks of the condition of the Indians, and what Brown has to say on the presidential policy. He lias not written a stroke for over a week himself. He has been quite ill: a heavy cold threatening pneumonia has kept him a prisoner at the cottage, and for seven mornings has the public bvn de prived of the pleasure and profit of perusing his timely and caustic remarks upon general topics. Only yesterday he steprx d across the threshold into manhood : it was his twenty-first birthday: to-day he is a eitiz-n of the republic. The clock on the mantel-shelf tinkles forth eight silvery notes. Dick looks up from his paper with some show of impatience. Where can Janet be? As if in answer to his thought, the door opens, and Miss Roy, tall and graceful, in a dress of olive-green serge, in charming contrast with her light golden hair, comes softly in. 44 Have you been waiting lon^. Dick?'1 she asks, in a pleasant, kindly voice. 441 must have overslept myself. 44 No," replies Dick, throwing dowr his paper aud yawuiug^languidly, 44 uol verv long; but I'm glnd you've come, for I'm deueedly hungry. Rather a good sign, isn't it, .Jean?"' "To be hungry? Yes: very good ''? sitting down at the table and tapping the call-bell. "Rut it won't last very long. I'll Venture to say that in fifteen < minutes from now your appetite will be 1 considerably diminished." "Very likely," said Dick, as Sarah en- I tors from the kitchen, bearing the cof- i fee-urn in one hand and a dish of beef- j steak in the other. " At any rate, I will i see how far steak, coffee and hot bis- < cuits will go toward diminishing it." Presently there is a violent ring at the i door-bell. j "Who can that be?" exclaimed Dick, ' inquisitively. "I wonder if any of the j boys could have come out to see what { ffas become of me?" i " " It sounds very like the postman,'" j adds his sister; and the postman it is. ] Two letters are his contribution to the f Roys this morning, both of which Sarah 5 hands to Miss ,Ianet, who hurriedly > reads the addresses. One is for herself, - ' '?'i? t the other is lor ner Drouicr. j "4 Ilere is a letter for you, sir, if your j name is Iloratio,'" she quotes, reaching it to him across the table. t 44 But my name is not Horatio," he t replies, correctingly, as he takes it. 44 Are you aware that to paraphrase is i perfectly allowable? 4 If your name be t Richard' would be much more appropri- 1 ate, and would sound far better. ] Janet scarcely listens to the prattle of i her brother: the letter that has come for * her is edged with black, and she is ? nervously tearing open the envelope in < her haste to see wnat ill news it has brought, whose death it has come to an- i nounce. 1 1 >ick notices her agitation as she draws t out the inclosed sheet, and wonders, j even as she is wondering, what can be j its message. ?. 44 L'ncle Arthur is dead," she says, the r next moment, giving a sigh of relief. { 441 saw it was in Harry's handwriting, c and so feared it was Cousin Margaret." 44 l'ncle Arthur!" repeats Dick. "L'n- i clc Arthur! He's one of my respected 1 great-uncles, whom I have never had I the pleasure of seeing: a California mil- 1 lionaire. 1 wonder did it ever strike t him that a little of his wealth would he n acceptable to his great-niece and great- $ nephew, who are battling with the s world far away over here in the Hast?" v 44Oh, Diek!" exclaims Miss Roy, 1 | greatly shocked, 44 how can you talk o i I ?i.q <?mr ?->.,n4t. rn/mpv when he is iust c .lend?" r " I'oor man!" snys Dick, laughing. ,] j "1 always thought he was a rich one." <3 "May 1 inquire," asks Miss Roy, meekly* when her brother had twice c read the epistle he holds in his hand, t and is about to begin again, "what Noll has to say that is so very interesting?" ' A slight flush mounts to Dick's face as he hurriedly crumples the missive into y his pocket. c "Nell!" lie repeats. "How did you. know it was from Noli?". " "I know her handwriting." h "Hut it's just like hundreds of others," continued Dick, buttering a hot roll in ^ continuance of his breakfast. "All p ladies write in the same stvienow-a-days. 11 The letters arc :yjl very tall and all very h thin." "Each lady's hand has a peculiarity, s nevertheless' h '"Which nobody can deny,'" quotes f' Richard. Some hands are pink and J some are white, some are fat and some h are lean, some wear diamonds and some tl M R, wwir inun*. 44 IIow vou trip one up!" exclaimed ? Janet, smiling, " Vou know very well t what I moan. Would you have me P stumble over the whole length of * ehir- }' ography' every time?" < " By no means. It would only be a 0 waste of breath, and would seem as p though you were intentionally airing vour knowledge .of Webster's Una- tJ bridged." Diek is beginning to congratulate him- R self on the masterly way in which lie has n turned the subject and escape rudely telling his sister that the contents of s Miss Nellie Taylor's letter are not for her '' o;u-s, when she again refers to his remarks. " Bv-thc-bye," she says, as she draws from "the urn her brother's second cup of J' coffee, "speaking of some hands with diamonds and some without, Nell doesn't F wear one, docs she? When do you pro- 1 pose presenting her with one of the ^ gems?" * " I was not aware" (with mock grav- 1 ity) " that young men are generally ex- ^ pected to provide their lady friends with . diamond rings." _ p " Did the Fact that .there is such a *. thing as an engagement ring ever present ' itself to your enlightened intellect?" 1' " Engagement!'1'' repeats Dick; "did 1 ( understand you to say engagement? Since when, pray, did you conclude that a your respected brother had given his J heart to another? I know of no eng;ige- 21 ment." " Oh, dear!" says Janet, sighing melo- e dramatically; "have I really b'een mis- c taken ? And here I was already rongrat- e ulating myself on so soon having a sister- i in-law!" . s " Do you remember the nursery rhyme?" asks Dick: " Can the love that you're so rich in 1 ; Build a Arc in the kitchen ? Or the little god oi love turn the spit, spit, c spit?' . t T hncitatn T tliink to ask anv ( ft PllUUiVI liVOiVI?V\( * vu**? ' ? *" ?/ one to marry me, for fear of having that couplet thrown in my face. Now if that J dear old great-uncle of ours had only t taken it into his aged head to leave us a J few of his many thousands, then perhaps 1 J might think of engagements and dia- . inond rings and mothers-in-law; and you might begin to speculate on the com- . parative advantages of my various lady ' Friends as a sister-in-law." ] "Poor, dear old man!" Janet eon- , tinues, kindly. "I ean just remember . cittinifnii tn'c L-tit*. and nfn.vimr with his ! r?annit "" ?j?<7 v *? *? f"v?p> f Ion:: board at the Ume ho was on from , the West. It'sreally a shame, I)ick, our ^ being so lively, and Uncle Arthur, grand- ( father's own brother, lying dead." "Well, my dear, I should be lying ( alive if 1 said I was sorry lie's gone: for while there's daith there's hop", and who knows but he may have thought of us?" "Oh, Dick!" beseechingly, "please don't joke about it. I really do feel badly, and Cousin Margaret and Ilarry must be so grieved." " So they must," says Dick, apparently acquiescing in his sister's views. " I am sure we all do. Don't you think, T ?-~ Knttnu flio cltnff/u'c .JIM 11, nr IMU unin uu.. .uv and hang out black bombazine?'1 " I shall bow the shutters," adds Janet, feeling rather angrv at her brother's continued joking. "It is the least we can do, and it shows some respect for our , grandfather's brother," rising and leaving Dick still at the table, i "Our grandfather's brother!" repeats t he; "what an awfully near relative! Surely lie must have bequeathed some- i thing to his brother's grandchildren." t Dick is in his study now?a neat, oozy little room back of the drawing-room, I which is in reality the library, but which t Mr. Rov, he being a literary man, chocs- ji es to call his study. He is sitting at his \ table, with Nell's letter spread out before d liim, and is reading it for the fourth ii time. There is nothing very remarkable r about it; it is not what one would style, i love-letter, and yet Dick would not "for s ill the world have his sister get a glimpse n of it. S " Dear Dick,?I have boon looking for l you to call, as you promised, and am t nucli surprised at not having seen you. u i'our birthday, I think you told me, is a ibout this time. Did you have a party ? r ind are you so elated at having attained 6 your majority that you are above visitngyour friends? I cannot think that t jeeause you are now a man you have e riven up all the friends of your childhood. t] Please call soon, and tell me a.ll about a your presents. Ever your friend., Nell." c That is it; and in it Dick is trying to v ind traces of something more than 0 riendship. {* " Nell is an awfully jolly girl,1' he says " ;o himself, leaning back in his chair and ^ hrusting his hands into his pockets; h just as full of fun as ever she can be. I ivonder whether she really does care any- J hingforme? I'm not altogether a bad- b ooking fellow, if I do say it myself, and h [ fancy I can talk quite as well as the ? nost of 'em. How is one to tell whotnfe n i girl cares more for him than g mother, when she persists in being jolly v vith every one?" fi' Then he gets to thinking of some h neons to 6olve the problem. How shall 1 ? __ j ;t le prove nerr rresenuy an mm umuTj ? o nim, first faintly, indistinctly; th(n ^ nore plainly and more vividly, until a 6J >lan?an excellent plan, he thinks? ? tands out before him in beautiful sym- t< netry. Everything 8eems to have work- i v <1 in favor of it, and he is naturally joy- j P >us over his discovery. P II opens one of the drawers in his J vriting-tahle and takes out a riacket of etters. Through them he searcnos until ? ic finds two that Janet wrote him while " ic was away on his midsummer vara- o ion. Tlicse he spreads open before him, ^ ind taking a sheet of note-paper he he;ins to write, now closely studying his C ister's letters, now slowly putting words u i]>on the paper. Half an hour and he si las finished. He folds the sheet, inclose U t in on envelope, and addresses it as arefully as he has written it. Then he g ises, and, unlocking the door, moots li fanet in the hall. i>he sees him take u lown his hat to go out. "Had you not belter wear your over- /. 1 ?i Pm nfriiiJ vim miirlit ft <>uir Niv {Uno. A tit ... .n... ake cold again." "I'm not going fixr," lie answers; s; ' only to ooet ;t letter." n "To Nell?"she asks, taasingly. "Are y ou not rather prompt in answering your U orrespondentsr" a Dick, making no reply, goes out, while h he, laughing to herself, hurries away to ler numerous household duties. J The next morning is the 1st of April? ill-fool's Day, witlx its temptations t?> is Tactical iok'ea and its myriads of little s< nnocent lies, when every one does his est to make a fool of his dearest friend s well as his direst-foe. It is a bright, t< unny morning, that swells the buds to h urating, and draws up tiie blades of resh young ^rass as n nuignet draws steel. )iek Roy is in the very hist of spirits; si o has persuaded Janet into believing t hat he lias taken a fresh cold; has asumed a voice as hoarse as a veteran bull- h rog; and has been looking the very nic ? -?*- ' .1 ?: ? l .V .i?, V 111*0 oi distress, umu uiv m iivui uj uic x ostman?-just as lie is creeping in to d roakfast and adding to his sister's an\- tl Hy bv his distressed countenance? aiLscs jiim to brighten up, and in the learest tone remark, " Ton my word, j. can, my cold's gone. Did it strike you i> liis was the first day of April?" li An expression of relief mingled with nnoyance mounts Miss Roys count?- a ance. p " You awful boy!" she exclaims. "You v hould be ashamed of yourself, trying to s: Dol your own sister." " And succeeding, too," laughs Dick. ii The only letter this morning is one for n lim. It is hidden by a large yellow enclone, and addnnssed in a bold heavy s land that gives one an impression of im- li Kirtant busing at once. As Dick opens t. and catches sight, of the heading, his .J ace brightens in expectation, and con- h until lin li?? 5t tl ILlUm Ullgllltu.Ufe vw.w. uite through, when he is wearing the iroadost of smiles. '< y " Hurrah !" he shouts, his boyishness t< aaking its appearanee through his new- y y acquired manhood?" hurrah for Unele j< trtliur ! Hurrah ! Jean, we've boon eft a fortune !" Janet looks at him unbelievingly, d Ihe has been fooled once this morning, nd does not intend to submit tamely to v vhat she considers her brother's second ittempt. "If you must joke, Dick," she says, n almly, her voice and manner strangely n ontfasting with his excitcmenl, " pray n lon't take such a subject. You r.re play- I vnri- wflll T nrlmit ! hut 11 u^ jwui j - ? .. till I remember now wliat (lay it is.'' I " But I'm not joking; it's a fact. Hero a s a letter from the dear old hoy's lawyer, yook at the postmark; look at the otter-head; road the message," he goes 1; >n, excitedly, running around to his sis- 'J e.r's side of the table and spreading the envelope and its contents before her. o He is certainly not fooling her now, as lie is compelled to admit when she is i hus presented with the evidence. The i ;ame heavy style of writing that was ? .vithout is within. ' Richard Roy, Esq.: " Hear Sir" (it begins),?" I have ' pleasure in informing you that the will 5 if the late Arthur Roy, Esq., of this city, , sequeaths to his great-nephew and great-p liecc, Richard and Janet Roy (yoursel j tnd sister), each the sum of fifty thou" 1 and dollars. These amounts are in" J rested in Unioed States government ' bonds, and shall be forwarded to you in 1 lue course. _ i " I have the honor to be your obeoi- * ent servant, . 1 "J. Madison Pekhy, Executor.'1 i The effect of the reading on Janet is 1 nuite the reverse of that on Jier brother, t Instead of breaking forth info joyous i shouts, her sensitive nature causes her to 1 burst into a flood of tears. 1 Dick looks at her in astonishment. What can she be crying for ? he thinks. ' A legacy of fifty thousand dollars he does not consider a cause for weeping, i and concludes that his sister has become mystified in regard to the time to weep and the time to laugh. ?*.t\ n** i... " \V llrlt IS llltf mailer wuu ;uu r utr . asks, when tlifi first outburst lias sub- 1 sided into occasional suppressed sobs. ; "Oh, l>ick !" cries Janet, wiping her eves, " 1 believe you have no filling at 1 all. Just to think what a dew, Kind I incle wo have lost! How good or Dim o remember us !" "Very good of him, indeed," adds lick; "but I can't see that that ought (. make one sad. Bather a cause for reoicing, I should sav. Poor fellow, he ras so old he couldn't enjoy it, and I lare say he's better off where lie is: that s, if lie* was as good as his will makes ne think he was.'' Janet is really grieved. Her nature is o intensely sensitive that a great kindicss invariably has this effect upon her. ihe refuses any more breakfast, and goes instily up to her room, where she spends he morning in trying to picture her ncle as he was when, so many years go, she sat on his lap, and child-like an her tiny fingers through his long rnv beard. All through the morning, as, thinking hus, she sits diligently sewing, tears ver and anoft well up in her eyes and go rickling down her cheeks before she is ware of their presence. As a natural onsequence, twelve o'clock finds her rith very red eyes and nose, and a genral appearance of having gone through most heart-rendering affliction. This ! her condition when Sarah knocks at tie door, and on entering announces that liss Taylor i6 in the drawing-room. "Oh, what shall I do? exclaims anet, in perplexity, as soon as the maid i out of ear-shot. "She will sec that I ave been crying, and will want to know 11 about it; and I really can't talk of it ow. I wonder wffere Dick is; he might 0 and see her, and explain that I'm not rell; but dear me ?getting up and moothing back her hair with both ands?"I suppose he's out somewhere, [e never is aDout when he's wanted, but 1 sure to be here when he's not." So, riping her eyes for the hundredth time ince breakfast, and giving her nose the ftieth gentle blow, she goes softly down > the drawing-room in search of her isitor. Nellie Taylor?a rather short, lump girl, with a charmingly pretty ink and white face?rises quickly as anet comes in. "Oh, Joan!" she says, going to meet er, and presoiting a countenance that >r signs of weeping is not a whit better flf than Miss Roy's, "I do so sympathize ritli you!" Janet is much surprised at these words. >n what account does she sympathize rith her? Surely she cannot know why lie has boon spending the morning in ?ars. "Come and sit down by me," Nell oes on, taking her hand and drawing or to a sofa. "Trouble comes to all of s some time, you know." " But," begins Janet, thoroughly puzlod, as they sit down together, " my ear Nell"? " There, now,'* interrupted she, " don't peak to mo of it: don t tell me how inch worse you feel than 1. I know oil think so; but, indeed"?and the T, ...fmnlvln /lowr* lior iiliAnku Vtr>> Uta4^?U l IV U Jl IVir. UUTTII m< ? ?n vnu gain?"you don't know how I loved im." f "Nell, what ye you talking ahout?" anet asks, excitpdlv, her grief having iven way to astonished curiosity. " It ?evident there is a misunderstanding imewhere." Nell looks at her curiously. " Are you angry?" she asks, in a hurt me; "would vou not have approved of is making me liis wife?" "Vou marry Uncle Arthur!" "Uncle Arthur!" repeats Nell. It is lie who is surprised now. "Who is hide Arthur?" "The dear, kind old gentleman who as just died." . "But 1 liaVc been talking of Dick, 'ou must have known I was. Poor oar Dick!" and again she is weeping as iiough her heart would break. C But Dick is not dead?" Nell looks up in incredulous, glad surrise. There is a movement of the ortierc which covers the. entrance to the brarv. " Nor likely to bp soon," shouted Richrd, running*forward from his liidinglace, where he has heard all the conersation, his pleasant face wreathed in miles. Til# next moment lie has caught Nell i his arms and is kissing away the re- i mining teal's. "You darling good girl!" he says, pas-1 ionately, "now I believe you do care a ittle bit for mc." "But I cannot understand it," savs anet, in wonder. "What ever could ave caused vou to think Dick was cad?" * | " The idea of asking me, after the letter ou wrote!" repftes Nell. "Didn't vou ell me so? I didn't think, Jean, that rm ennhl ner net rate such an awful )ke." " But I wrote no letter," odds. Janet. Nell puts her hand in her pocket and raws forth an epistle. "Read it," she says. "If you didn't /rite it, who did?" And Janet read: " Friday morning. "My Dear Nei.l.?I have very snd cws for you. Our darling hov is. no nore. At twelve o'clock Wednesday ;ight he brcntned his last. Oh, how can write it? I can scarcely realize that he s gone. Please do come out and see me. know you thought a.great deal of him, ,nd can sympathize with me. " Ever you re, Janet Roy." Suddenly it comes to Janet that pcrlaps her great uncle was related to the faylors also. " Was he"?she begins: hut before, she an finish the question Nell answers her: " Yes" (sobbing). " Didn't you know t? Oh, why didn't some one let me mow that he was so ill? I would have o liked to be with him!" laiH't IOOKOCI pityingly ill. liri piuii(^ riend. Surely her uncle must have K-t'ii .1 very lovable old gentleman to inipire this affection. "But how strange it is,"1 she thinks, that I never knew we were even disnntly connected with the Taylors. Periaps Dick knew it, hut I ni sure he lever told inc." Then she begins so'iiiing again for mere sympathy, and for a noment not a word is spoken. "Was he so very dear to you?" as!<s Janet, bringing, the cambric into play igain. "Oh, Jean," Nell answers, also wiping iway the tears, "you cannot imagine low we loved each other. There was no imp set, but then it was understood that it. was to come off .-is soon as his salary ivas sufficient for him to"?and then she burst into tears again. "What do you mean?"?in surprise. " What was to come off?" "We were engaged, you know," Nell ays. looking up. "Engaged!"?with great astonishment. " I)iil you not know it?7' "But it is not my writing," says Janet. " I never make my e\s like chat, lor sicn myself 'Ever yours," and, bo ides, there was no black on the door." " It is very like your writing, and J never thought of the black. Who could have sent the letter if you didn't P"' 1MCK, WHO 18 BIIJ1 BUUlUlIlg nuu nm arm about Noll's waist, bursts into a hearty laugh. " I am the author," he says. "It was a little April hoax,Jand it worked admirably?far better than I expected." "You awful boy!" exclaim Nell and Janet in choru6. "The boy is dead," oersists Dick. "Hut what a frightful story you told!" says Nell; "and how (terribly I was worried!" " ft is all true," says Dick. " There is not an untruth in the whole letter: the boy is no more; the boy did breathe his last. I am a man now. Thursday was mv twentv-first birthday." i "But you forged my name," pays Janet. "I nut my initial below, if you notice, replies Dick. And e^jpenough. there it woe. "And our weaaing will be just n? soon as you can get ready," he adds, turning to tfell. "llie intereet of fifty thousand, which you must know the puzzling Uncle Arthur just left me, plu6 my salary, is all-sufficient, isn't it? and I say, Jean, how do you like the prospect of b sister-in-law? It was rather a pleasant April-fool after al[, wasn't it? ?Jlarper^ Bazar. Restless Sights. Some persons "toss and tumble" half the night and get up in the morning weary, unrcfreshed and dispirited, wholly unfit, either in body or mind, for the duties of the day: they are not only incapacitated for business, but are often rendered so ungracious in their manners, so irritable and fretful, as to spread a gloom and a cloud over the whole houseI nold. To be able to go to bed and be in a sound, delicious sleep, an unconscious deliciousness, in five minutes, but enjoyed in its remembrance, is a great happinees, an incalculable blessing, and one for which the most sincere and affectionate thanks should habitually go up to that i i c.?? whinh vouchsafes oninirem .. ...? the same through the instrumentalities of a wise and self-denying attention to the laws of our being. Restless nights as to persons in apnaient good health, arise chiefly from, i first, an overloaded stomach; second, : from worldly care; third, from want of muscular activities proportioned to the needs of the system. Few will have rwciess nights who take dinner at midday, and nothing after that except a piece of cold bread and butter and a cup or two of some hot drink; any thing beyond that, as cake, pie, chipped hoof, doughnuts and the like, only tempt nature to eat when there is really no call for it, : thus engendering dyspepsia and all its train of evils. Worldly core. For those who cannot " nf sleep irora tne unsiuisnu-iutj ivuumvuvi their affairs: or that they are about to encounter great losses, whether from their own remissness, the perfidy of friends, or unavoidable circumstances, we have a deep and sincere sympathy. To such we say, live hopefully for better days ahead, and meanwhile strive diligently, persistently, and with a brave Heart to that end. Hut the more common cause c^r-^tless nights is, that exercise has avt been taken to make the body tired enough to demand slwp. Few will fail to sleep soundly if the whole of daylight, or as much thereof as will produce moderate fatigue, is spent in steady work in the open air, or on horseback, or on foot. Many spoil all their sleep by attempting to force more on nature than she requires. Few persons will fail to sleep soundly, while they do sleep, if they avoid sleep*' * til i*/\ f/, 1\a/I fit n [ ing in uie (invuiui-, v?u? jtv. w J regular hour.'and heroically resolve to I get up the moment they wake, whether it is at two, four, or six o'c lock in the morning. In lees than a week each one | will tincl how much sleep his system requires; thereafter give it that, and no more.?HalVs Journal of Health. Moving Day. " Moving day, with all its attendant horrors, is at hand,'' said James, yesterday evening. " and I don't see how I am ever to get through with it. It brings nothing hut work, work, work." " Why, yes," replied Grandfather Lickshfhgle. " it is a terrible day for us poor men folks, and no mistake. Set-in' as how this dre'ful day has roiled around an' battered me over the bald an' beetling pate upward of a hundred times, I ought to know a little somethin' about it. Work! Well, I should say so. Git i j?? i.?r lip 111 U1U mom III Ul'iui C m *- aiviiwi, ci*, around till it's ready, then eat an'off down town after a wagon. And right here I want to say that the standin' premium of a million dollars in gold offered by the United States government to the man that finds a wagon when he wants it has never been claifned. No mortal man ever finds a wagon without hoofin' 'round a whole sciuare, an' jest this kind of work is knocking years and years of usefulness out of some of our best young men. Well, after the doggoned wagon is found, vou must give the driver your old as well as your new address, as the papers say, and that's enough to break any ordinary man's hack. By this time you're pretty well fagged out, an' you send the wagon to the house, while you gooff down town about your business, an' your wife finishes up whatever little odds an' ends there may he to do about ?Kn mnrln' Oh its dro fill, dro'ful! an' it rnisos the blisters on my hands to think of it." And grandfather bowed his aged head on his cane and groaned.?Cin^intviii Enquirer. Words o^Visdoro. It require* more power to control fortune than to control kings. Flattery is' a sort of bad money to which our vanity gives currency. Hard words have never taugkt wisdom, nor does truth require them. What is the best government? That which teaches us to govern ourselves. Some hearts, like evening primroses, open most beautifully in the shadows of lite. It is extraordinary how long a man may look among the crowd without discovering the face of a friend. There is no wise or good man that would change persons or conditions entirely with any man in the world. lie that hath really feit the bitterness of sin, will fear to "commit it; and ho that hath felt the sweetness of mercy will fear to offend it. It is better not to expect or calculate I consequences. Let us try to do right actions without thinking of the feelings i tiioy are to call out in others. " A polite man." said the Due de | Morny, " is one who looks with interest i to thinss ho knows all about when they | arc told him by a norson who knows ' uotlun# about them. A San Francisco correspondent writes: There are so many curious turns of fortune's wheel on the Comstock. I j heard only yesterday of a case where i cold-blooded'persistency of purpose and j tenacity of grit in face of most diseour- ] aging circumstances won a big fortune; and the case is the more remarkable i because, knowing the parties, meet- j ing them almost every day, being fami- J liar with their surroundings, etc., I j never before heard of it. It leaked out only by accident. Mr. Root is the man who designed all the machinery, laid all the plans, made all the contracts, and superintended the work of building Gov. < Stanford's famous wire-cable street-rail road in this city, which runs a distance : x 4-T\o>V% fV?a rinhflcf anr? U1 IWU IlliiCS LIUUU(,J| kliv, tikuvav best wart of the city, and is to-day the model street-railway of the continent. Root is a young man, not over thirty-six, thin, wiry, homely, and?well, ehabby. He is a splendid mechanic, and though for a long time in Central Pacific employ, nobody knew him until he built the Stanford street-railway, entirely on his own plans, that there was so much ( in him. To look at him you wouldn't i think Root ever saw a mining-stock i certificate. i Yet one day when Sierra Nevada < was booming along at 200, Root walked 1 into the ofhee of a leading broker, an 1 old friend, and said: ] "Dan, guess vm'd better get rid of ' some of this now," and he handed over i two certificates, one of 500 shares and i the other of 100. "Dan" took them, < looked them over, and noticed that the . backs of both were perfectly covered ] with receipts for assessments. > i "Whom in the world did vou iret 1 these?" asked Dan. I "Bought 'em four years ago," said Root. " Had 'em lying in my trunk ever since. Paid, I think, fifty cents a share for some, six bits for some more, and got < some for two bits. Been paying assess- i ments ever since religiously, and the j whole lot stands me in about $5 a share. ( I want you to sell half of it now. for I i guess it s time to ' call the turn,"' and ] within three days 300 shares of Root's < stock found a market at from $200 to $220, and his broker passed to his credit i over $60,000. I The other 300 shares he got rid of at j $225 and $240, and about $70,000 more i went to his credit. He hauled down ] $50,000, and then, as to the rest, said to his broker (and here is the point I want i to make), " I want you to put so many ; thousand into Norcross, so many into California, so many into Curry, and so i manv into Relcher. Pav for them, let i them lie; and when assessment* come i pay on them." "But," said the broker, "you may 1 have to wait, and"? "That's just what I expect to dowait. But sooner or later some one or i the other of those stocks will make tne a fortune." \ J And this is the spirit tbat'our average i working C'alifornian goes into specula- i tion on the Comstock with. Few here < buy Comstock stocks for dividends. l>?t i a mine there begin to pay dividends, and unless they are very big, or the mine has a prospect of keeping them up, not a dollar is added to the value of the stock. Our quiet buyer, our business man. our shrewd capitalist, are all actuated by l.u i.loo "Wlltf fllfcm wllPtl tllPV are cheap, lay them away, and Conner or later it'any mine within a mile makes a strike we mav make 500 per cent. If the strike should come in qui- own mine we mav make from 5.000 tcelO.OOO per cent., and. perhaps, if w have stock enough, walk off with the fortune we expected to have to work all our lives for.'1 The English Language, Mr. John Albee lectured in New York on the English language. The' translation of the Bible by Kin^ James'translators and the writings of the Elizabethan dramatists were the most powerful in? fluenoee, Mr. Albee thought, in moulding and fixing the language. It was fortunate that the Bible had been translated when the best style of language? that of the great dramatists?was in vogue. The translators, too, had been inspired, and inspiration lounu voice, beauty and vigor in the simplest espressions. The Bible, then, had met the necessities of those who objected to parts of the drama. "Note the difference," said the lecturer, in conclusion, "hetween the unaffected simplicity and power of the writings of those times with the obscure, affected style of to-day Now we do not ask but inquire; a woman is a female; a father a paternal relative; we do not give but donate; we never go, begin, eat, get, hut proceed, commence, partake, receive; when younger we had rooms, but now apartments; then there were singers, now vocalists; and it is pleasant to believe that no one now gets drunk, hut intoxicated. See the contrast, In the Bible, the most thrilling and best written of all books, ninety-six per cent, of the words are Anglo-Saxon; in Shakespeare, eightysix ner cent.; and in Tennyson's 'Ar tliur',' 3,000 of the 3,500 words arc monosyllables. And so the rank of all writers of fame unquestioned is graded by the proper use of more or less of the Saxon language. ' The union of powerful thought and perfect words is like the dearest water in the clearest glass; the water and the. glass seem but one substance. Jests from French Papers. A gentleman findB himself in the hands of two highwaymen, with which Paris h:is been intestefl Jrr several weens, who vainly search his pockets. " What an ass vou are," they exclaim, " to ?0 out at night without your watch. The lilca of your believing these stupid newspaper reporters !" A well-known politician was formerly a doctor, and poor one at that. ' He was talking the other day of people's ingratitude:* " You can't imagine," he said to an acquaintance, who remembered his being a doctor, " the number of people that are indebted to me for their position?." " Their horizontal ones, you mean ?" * Extract from a new novel: "Takin, a i>en he sat down and wrote to a friend rubbing his hands sleepily together as he proceeded." One of the new Republican officials saw in his room a big, well-dressed fellow standing with his arms crossed and doing nothing. The third day lie wenr 10 mm and asked: " What are you doing here ?*' "I am your second secretary," replied the young man. not in the least disturbed. I? H',l Willi* fill ties luurvu, aim j . " Alwavs to be on hand in ease you may want imO* A retired milkman sent his sou to travel, telling him to take notes and write home what he saw. He crossed a Spatii-h river dry shod, and wrote: It would be impossible to carry on the milk business in this part of the country.'' ADVERTISING RATESt I'm. l in. 3^ col K coj. l col. I Week. $ 1.00 .f 6 CO i 8.00 616.00 I " 1.75 7 50 12 25 20.00 i " 2.50 9.(0 15.25 24.00 1 " .. 3 00 10.50 18 00 27.50 i " .'. 8.60 11.75 20.50 3LC0 3 '* 4.00 12 50 22.75 34 00 7 ? 4 50 13 25 24 75 87 oO ? " 6.00 14.00 26.00 40 00 Smontha. 6.60 17.00 82.00 60.00 4 " .......... 7.60 19.00 89 50 59.00 3 " 8.60 24.00 43.00 84.00 9 " 9 50 30.00 69 00 105.00 12 " 10 25 3.5.00 68 00 120.00 Transient advertisement? mast bo accoin punied with the caeh to insure insertion. TIMELY TOPICS. One would hardly deem these stringent times when, upon scrutinizing the report of the commissioner of internal revenue he learns that during the past fiscal year no less than 1,905,063,000 cigars were smoked, which at ten cents each amounted in value to $190,506,300. In addition to this there was also consumed 25,312,438 pounds of tobacco of the aggregate value of $15,000,000. An Austrian clockmaker named Jean Writz is said to have invented a rifle with - WlllCil Il'om SOU lO unois call uc incvi each minute. The mechanism of the weapon has some resemblance to the mpvements of a watch, and the cartridges are so arranged as to form a part of lengthened ribbon. The handling of the piece is said to be a very simple affair; and the inventer is engaged in perfecting those ports proved by experiments to be defective, in order that the arm may be used in war. A singular instance of human credulity is reported from Munich. The actress, Adele Spitzeder, who was sentenced there about six months ago to a term of imprisonment for having swindled the public out of many millions by her banking institutions (the Dachauer Banken), conducted, as she asserted, for the furtherance of the interests of the Roman Catholic religion, tried again, after her liberation from prison, to earn a living on the stage. Finding that this could not be done, she Ms returned to Munich and again opened a bank. Deposits, on which she pays eight per cent, montly interest are brought to her in abundance, and, of course, another catastrophe will occur. The late ameer of Afghanistan was universally called the " madman " throughout his dominions, and so great was the awe in which he was held by his subjects, the Times of India says, that no one dared tell him of the defeat of his troops on the Peiwar Khotal by the English invaders. Shere Ali sat in his counoil-room waiting for news, but no one ventured to tell him the result. At last, the mother, of Abdulla Jan sont her little girl to tell her father, lie was talking eagerly as the child entered, and she tried hard to blurt out her message, " My. mother says I am to tell your highness ?" but the ameer kept putting his hand on ha* her mouth, as the discussion was important. At last he turned to her, " Well, what is it, little one ?" The child came sidling up, all eyes upon her, "My mother says I am to tell your highness the Sahibs have crossed the Khotal." An instant stampede from the neighborhood of the ameer closed the council. Yuma, Cal., has a famous rooster, and this is the way it came about: It is emphatically a self-made bird. The firm of Sisson & Wallace, amongst other things, sell eggs. It so happened that -11 !,.? moM C/-.1/1 Q 1,(1 rHfMl IjlT All LAIC rggo U Viv OViv* VV4V vr* ? > can save one. Meautime the sun went on getting hotter and hotter, and presently the egg began to warm up to the situation. The progress of the novel solar ^ gestation was watched with an absorb- * ing curiosity by the store people. About the time the mercury reached 12-1 degrees in the shade the chicken began to peck its way out ol the shell, and it emerged as defiant an infant rooster as ever wore spurs. It grew apace, and today its habits are as eccentric as its manner of birth. It is exceedingly fierce, and will attack a man, a dog. or anything that comes in its way. All a* visitor has to do to insure a delivery of hattie by this pugnacious rooster is to hold up his foot, and straightway the bird will fly at him viciously. We have heard of many ways of hatching chickens, hut a roosler hatched by natural heat in a tin can is a little ahead of out previous experiences. Where False Hair Comes From, False hair having come to be reeogot n neeecsit v of the modern female existence, it may The of interest to learn how this constantly increasing want- is supplied. Live hair, bought "on foot" (to use the technical term of the trade), constitutes but a very small percentage of the stock in market, as there are few women who are willing to part with their locks for money, and those who have superfluous locks to spare grow fewer year after year. When secondhand tresses were needed merely to furnish wigs for a few fhleriy ladies, agents found no difficulty in securing a sufficiency among the peasant maids of Auvergne and Brittany. The present demand, however, greatly exceeds the supply, and it is asserted that Paris alone uses more than all the available crop in France, and that Marseilles (the great center of traffic in hair) deals with Spain, the Orient and the two Sicilies, for forty tons a year of dark hair, of which she makes upwards of C5.000 chignons annually. Under the name of " dead hair " are classed the "combings," which thrifty servant girls save up and sell, the nlinninirc nf hnrlvr shotlS. faded CUI'lg. v"KI"uh" ? . ?; worn out switches, etc. 1 he scavengers of every city, both at home and abroad, value nothing short of a silver spoon among the refuse so much as a snarl of combings, however dirty, as it will find a ready sale. Such findings are :ifterward washed with bran and potash, cardpd, sifted, classed and sorted, and then made into the cheap front curls, puffs, chignons that abound in market. '** Much of this enters into the cheaper grades of the 350.00i) "pieces" annually / made in France, of which enormous trade England is said to be the Ucst customer, and America almost as good. Late reports on the commerce of Swatow, China, show that a large export trade in "dead" hair gathered in the stalls ofbarlxTS, sprang up in 187;:. itui*ing which year 18.800 pounds were exported to Europe. In 1875 the export of this refuse arose to 134,000 pounds, with a commercial value of over $25,000. It is an undoubted fact, too, that pauper corpses are often despoiled of their hair to meet this same demand of an increasing commerce. Those, then, who sport other than their own natural locks, can never be sure whether these arc redolent of the sepulchre, the gutter,-or the servant girl's comb.?ik'ietitific American. For an Obstinate Cough. Ifvou have an obstinate cough, take the following to a druggist, and liavo him prepare it: K. Pix liquida, 20 drops. Spts. nitr. dulc., 1 drachm. c. C 1,.,. o P)l, OVUl|iAr-A, * uuiiv cr?. M. S. Teaspoonful night and morning. He should charge you but little for it. as it is cheap. It is the favorite prescription of an eminent Western physk?ian, ivho says that lie l^s obtained very flattering results from Us use.? Health and, Home.