University of South Carolina Libraries
V ' ' *** " "fx*?-'- '' ' v.-. - t{'f.... " v' ' .-;y .. . .* . . .-v ? >?- ' X- ' - * -V> ' " > If ~~'~ ^?=5==s==!=^=== . . -' ~ VOLUME XXXI. CAMDEN, SOUTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 2l, 1871. ' 'If NUMBER 1JI.",: ; ,. : 1-1 1? * '. - -. 'r- r .- ' I.M. ===^ r ? v" * ~ ' - I ATT QAOTfl AVn RTTFA ,, Te.ciden jo umal. * V # AX 1>?TO^E\DENT FAMILY PAPER, PUBLISHED BY JOHN KERSHAW. sfW ' . SUBSCRIPTION KATES One yenr,* tttlrance . $3 00 Si* Months ' 1 50 Three months... 75 ^ ADVERTISING RATES. SW.CE. 1 M. 2 M. 3 M. C M. 1 Y. 1 square 3 OClj G 00,' 8 00 12 00 10 00 2 squares G 00! 9 00, 12 00 18 00 2G 00 a glares : 9 001 13 00, 10 00 24 00 35 00 4 squares 12 00, 10 00 20 00' 80 00 48 00 J column | 15 00 19 00' Lr4 Ofr ."MITTf no 00 | column I 20 00,' 30 00.: Ifi 00j 55 00 80 CO 1 column I 30 00. 50 00 CO (HI 90 00*150 00 Alt transient Advertisements wijl be charged Ove. Doi.lak per Square for the first and Skvkx ty-vive Cents per Square for each subsequent insertion. ^Lvfrfifteraentg in the Local column will be clmfged. Twenty Cents per Line, SST T ransient Advertisements must be paid for in advance. Poetry. REVISITiNGTHE BATTLEFIELD. The fluttering battle-flags are still, That dawned above the marching column, * J"No more these slopes may know the tread Of heroes' footsteps stern and solemn.. No shrieking shell tears thro' the sky lAkitkhpU'^ wild-accents discord bringing; The*Iofig few mounds are green with grass And here and there a daisy springing. Yes. here we stood that sultry day When death's pale finger marked out often His ^evil's dance, our comrades sank In*the dead sleep ni) bright dreams soften. I live it over, feeling now 'The'wild thrill of the battle fever, And in my mind the angry hosts } Would seem to keep their feud l'orcver. Iixacy. with lingering (rend our lilies, Ffnffout the spot where the uncertain And awful'churgcnnd counter elmrge !l Dispirited face anil flank and curtain; 1 get a glimpse of poor old Tom i Whose sabre flashed a ray of glory? < The oriflaino of war that day? Death his a reward?a sad?sad?story.f:?r f fancj' in our reverent march " When "to the color God has sounded, My soul may know the warrior dead TiFT&nks with angel hosts surrounded. If comrades trttb each other know in that grand muster, it were pleasant v. . . To think the war-worn ranks arc full? . j, . And hear the answer, "all arc present-." . * ?????? Selected ?iopy; * AN EXORBITANT BILL. # ? 4 >" ' . The landlord of the tavern in the littje tnwn of Lambuch. in Bavaria, was evidently in n strait, lie had entertained guests who failed to pay their bills, and had just been badly swindled by one man whom he 'regarded as his best friend. The consequence was that he found himself deeply in debt'and nearly at the end* of his rope. He stood in front of the inn oi\e day, his eyes east down, gloomily contemplating the un-1 pleasant situation, and unable to find any * way out of his difficulties. ~ All at o ice his attention was attracted, and, looking up, he v saw a man in uniform riding toward the house. <4-I declare that is the. royal courier," he exclaim. -Tho rider soon came up, and announced that the king wouli pass through town that night on his way to Vienna, and that' the landlord must have his inn ready to rcotfive him. " * -MIs it really a fact that his majesty is go" ing?to spend the night with hie?" asked KrtmjfeluieTr, unable to believe his good a. fortune. ' 'Just as I have told you," was the answer ; "get your house in order to accommodate himand then the courier rode off. . T^he landlord looked after the cloud of a lo ig time, completely overcome at the intelligence. But he soon found his customary good humor, and, having fortified iuiuself with a drink, went to work to get the house in order. "A goldfish has come into my net," he w*'said to'"himself; ,;thc king shall be entertained, well entertained?but he must pay i- tor it,. '/ * As evening approached, and the regular customers came straggling in,he told each of them that his majesty, Max Joseph, was -.u going to stop at the inn over night on his " way to Vienna ; upon each occasiou of tcll J " - -- *i-- i?ut I.: ing mis, 01 course, me iicanu u* mo King had to bo drank, so that he was fully illuminated by the time his royal guest and suite ?' 'Ihado their appearance, lie would run " from the kitchen and the several parts of V the house, with the double purposes of re L-i ceiving the king, for whom lie had a neat r i speech preparod, and having the inn in perfect order. ^ i At length a cloud of dust indicated that , ,t-, r,the royal party approached. Krompcluicir .was ready with his whole force, and rcceiv,ed the king with appropriate bows and '"" ^scrapings. He then led him up stairs into , tho parlor, where the dinner had been served for the occasion, and then, l'or the first time, he recalled tho faet that he had V vti.forootten all about the speech which he inj tended to make. V " v) -AiW dinner the king took a walk, bu! .p,. eoon returned and went to bed, as he bad tc rise early the next morning to resume hi* 'journey. The landlord was sitting in the 7 bar-room below, when Eoshard, the king'f chamberlain, came in and asked for the bill Kroinpelmoir jumped up, and in a loud ': r.Ypicp. exclaimed - "Fifteen hundred guldens, sir, is certainly not too large a sum for a king to'pai when he has the whole house and all that j . , jjaye at his command.' You yourself mus admit as much." "What? You pretend to ask fifteen hundred guldens? Yon must be drunk or mad. The king would think it a pretty thing if I paid so outrageous a bill." "I tell you," said the landlord in despair. "I can't make the bill any cheaper, and do. myself, my family, and my busine s justice. Everybody knows how good and generous the king himself is, but his attendants are evidently a good deal closer in their dealings with poor people." "That's enough. I'll inform the king of your outrageous demands. The idea of asking fifteen hundred guldens for dinner and sleeping for four persons. It is simply unheard of." With these words Boshard left the barroom, slamming the door after him in a threatening manner. The king was already ; asleep, however, and the chamberlain had ? to nurse his wrath until the next day. i il!k? -\rirtff t???? ?w?t4y-n<?T? ninniing ftrrri i watched the peasants going to mavKci, mm the greatest satisfaction. The king was always in a good humor, as lie was constantly doing good, but this morning was particularly pleasant because of* the simple surroundings. 'Well, what's the news?" he asked, as Boshard catne into his room. ' The fellow that keeps this inn, your majesty, has the impudence to demand fifteen hundred guldens for dining and sleeping four persons."'' The king laughed, laid his hand on Boshard's shoulder, and quietly said, '-Well, pay him, Boshard." ' But, your .majesty, the bill is outrageous ?I never heard of such extortion." ' Never mind; pay him. I have slept unusually well in his house." "You see," said Krompclmeir, as he rceoived his money, "the king still remains the king." lie stood at the gate and wished the party a happy journey, and the king replied: "Hood-bye. my dear fellow." A few weeks after, Max Joseph returned from his visit to Vienna, and insisted that the journey should be arranged so as to stop over to Krompelmeir's inn. Everything was prepared for. him again in the best of style "This time it will cost m more," grumbled Boshard at the thought of l*511o orwl cr\ Iia fnltl fliA rpfinnft | Jlil V lllj^ LUC UlltO uuu ou wv w?? v..? - t and the servants to eat and drink all they ; could. The servants improved the opportunity?especially as to the drinking?and they were at it till late in the night. The next morning, Bushard went to the landlord, almost ai'ruid to ask the amount of the bill. When the question was put, how- . ever. Krompclnieir replied: ' Ilis gracious majesty and his attendants c do not owe me anything." It was Boshard's turn to be ashamed at having given the servants so much liconse ' in ilriiih' iij.--- ? ?L ' Do you suppose that his majesty will ac- * ----- - * - n i;?? nn. ( cept auyuun^ nuui juuj tiuivnug j prentice would'(" lie asked. ( "One word for all?this time there arc no ( charges." ( Boshard reported to the kintr, and the ( king sent for the landlord. j ''Come, my man, what arc your charges ( for what we have had ?" ( "Nothing, your majesty, nothing at all." < "And what is it that makes our landlord ( so generous this time ?" J "Your . pardon, your majesty," cried ( Kronipelmcir, as he fell on his knees, "hut ( when yc%r majesty passed through hero be- < fore, I ttas' head over ears in debt. It required fifteen hundred guldens to save my < house and business." That is the reason why I charged you too much. 1 owe my salvutioh to your goodness in paying it." ."Well, Kronipelmcir. I am glad that I ( was able to help you. But you must under- < stand that a king must not accept anything ' without paying for it. So, in order to make J you all r ght again, you shall have nuccn ( hundred guldciiB more. I only make one < condition?don't swindle any of my Bavarian subjects." Krouipelmeir nevet did. His inn always afterward, had the reputation of having the best and cheapest of everything. < , "The Devil and Tom Walker." , Everybody has heard, and a great many make use of the expression, "The Devil and Torn Walker," and yet we presume very few know who Torn Walker was, or what relation between him and the Devil justifies this frequent association of their names. As the most authentic account of who Tom Walker was, we give the following interesting story by the best writer America produced, Washington Irving: A STORY OF TI1E LAST CENTURY. As Tom waxed old, however, he grew thoughtful. Having secured the good of this world, he began to feel anxious about the next. He thought with regret 011 the bargain lie had made with his black friend, and put bis wits to work to cheat him out of his conditions. lie became, therefore, all of a sudden, a violent church-goer, lie prayed loudly and strenuously, as if Heaven were to be carried by force of lungs. In . - . , . 11 i? i.?j deed, one might always ten wucn no iwu sinned most during the week by the clamor of his Sunday devotion. The quiet Christians who had been moderately and quietly . traveling Zionward were struck with re proach at seeing themselves so suddenly outi stripped in their.career by this newly made i convert. . Tom was rigid in religion as in I money matters; he.was.a stern supervisor and ccnsurcr of his neighbors, and seemed to think every sin to their account became i a credit on his page. lie even talked of i the expediency of reviving the persecution i of the Quakers and Anabaptists. ! Still, in spite of this strenuous attention i to forms, Tom had a lurking dread that the . devil, after all, would have his due. That [ he might not bo taken unawares, therefore, it is said that he always carriod a small 13ij ble in his pocket. lie also had a large j folio Bible in his counting house desk, and T would bo frequently found reading when t people called on business; on such occasions he would lay his green spectacles on the book to mark the place, while he turned round to buv^ome usurous bargain. Some say Tom grew a little crack-brained in older days, and that, fancying his end approaching, he had his horse newly shod, saddled and buried with his feet uppermost, because that at the last day the world would be turned upside down, in which case he would find his horse ready for mounting, and he was determined at worst to give his friend a run for it. This, however, is probably an old wife's fuble. If he really did take this precaution it was totally superfluous?at least so says the authentic legend, which closes the story in the following manner: One hot afternoon in the dog days a terrible black thunder gust came #p. Tom sat, in his counting house in his wliito linen cap ind Indian ?ilk morning gown.. He was on (he point of foreclosing a mortgage, by wfnctr^trcr ivmtiM n?rujiK?U? f li* I'tUH-Hf an Ut|l-i X* ? 1?A nvnrAuo- I nappy speculator, u?r wuuui no utm ul the greatest friendship. The poor land iobher begged him to grant a few months indulgence, Torn had grown testy and irrigated and refused. "My family will bo ruined and brought jpon the parish." said the land jobber. "Charity begins at home," said Tom. "I nust take care of myself these hard times." "You have made so much out of me," said ic. "I hayc not made a farthing." Just then there were three loud knocks at ;hc street door. lie stepped out to see who ,vas there. A black man with a' black loisi, which stamped and neighed impatiJiitly "Tom you arc come for," said the black allow gruffly. Tom shrunk back, but too ate. lie had left his little Bible at the Kittom of his coat pocket, and his big Bible >n the desk, buried under tbo mortgage bo vas about to foreclose?never was a poor .inner taken n o:e unaware. Tho black nan wbisked him like a child astride the lorsc, and away lie galloped in the midst of i thunder storm. ?rna oiirl <,f Tnm Walker and his 11-gotton wealth. This story lias resolved itself into a prorcrb, and is the origin of th*1 popular saying irevaleut throughout America, the I>evil md Tom Walker. Miscellany. About Taxes. /The justice of Radical taxation is shown >y the fallowing. A gentleman previously ing.igei in commerce, who understands the uhjei-t, h is taken the trouble to compute or the Cincinnati Enquirer what the duties ire up ni a few leading articles: hi ilr'c c"u 10ft nor cent. Ju his pepper TIM .? 4. )n lii> rice 85 11 ' )ii his s<>np 75 " " ).i )i is si a rch 60 " " lit his entnlh'S 40 " " .>11 III" <ll -i ts l>1 IIIS UC11 ? > In tli?- iilaiikris ilinI cover him 240 " " )n III" carpet In- buys 80 44 " On his window curtains 80 44 44 On his knives and forks . 35 44 44 3u it is window glass 45 44 44 On thi' water pitcher 40 44 44 On tin- Inn lie wears 40 44 44 On his stockings 75 44 44 On a dress of silk for his wife 00 44 44 On a dress of woollen 100 44 44 Ou n shawl 100 4 4 44 On a handkerchief 8 5 44 44 AND THE men MAX. On his bonds ( NOTHING THE FARMER IS TAXED. On his hoc and spade, each, 40 per cent. On his horse shoes G7 44 44 On his plow 45 44 44 On his chains 100 4 4 44 l)ii his harness 85 4 4 44 On a hand saw 75 44 44 On a pen knifo 50 4 4 44 On a dinner can 85 44 44 On an iron band GO 44 44 AND THE BONDHOLDER. On his bonds NOTHING, Now, poor man, read the above, and not only read it but study it closely. Then, on election day next fall, get out your sons and soil's sous, and all your neighbors and friends whom you can influence, lead them to the polls and have every mother's son of them put in a Republican ticket. You can not do better if you like to be taxed heavily in order that bondholders may have an c;isy time of it and pay no taxes. Don't make a mistake and vote the Democratic ticket, for you would be working for your own interests, and you mustn't do that, you know, for that wouldn't be patriotic. A Wonderful Burning Well?Where the Fire Comes From. The Louisvillo Courier-Journal gives nn account of a wonderful burning well in Lincoln county, in that State, some six | miles east of Crab Orchard, at the base of the Cumberland mountains, on the banks of a small stream called Dix river. The water in this well is in a constant state of ebullition, and regularly everyday, between 4 and 5 o'clock in the afternoon, overflows. A large quantity of gas is liberated, said to be carburctled hydrogen gas, to which a light be ing applied, a flame sometimes ten or littecn feet in height, results. The Jouranl tells the following story in connection with the well: . i: ]n the earlier part of the present century, when Kentucky, and especially the mountain districts, were but sparsely settled,a man by the name of Shanks owned this portion of Lincoln county in which the well is situated, At that time all the salt used in the State had to be brought from Louisvillo, or imported from Virginia, at very large expense, in those days of stage coaches and covered wagons. Mr. Shanks had evidence of salt on his land, and determined upon trying whether lie might not find that commodity by boring in the vicinity of his salt licks. He sunk two or three shafts, but unsuccessfully, when his neighbors began .to laugh at "old Shank's folly." He minded not a whit their jeers, but swore that he * *' ' ' ' foul J .sink one more shaft, if he bored clear dirough into?. t : Sure enongh, after borihg to quite a (kspth, his drill fellthrough. the drilling s|?aft was blowu some distance in the air by Reaping gas, which ignited from a fire near, aiid in an indescribably short space of time all the undergrowth, the trees nbar by, and erien the surface of the river itself formed ojte broad sheet of flame. Oil flowed out wlh the gas, which acoounted for the "rivpr o^ fire," but all this to the spectators was incomprehensible, and a general stampede frWn the country round about resulted. Old Slinks has been as good as his word. He ha) bored clear through into hell, and his neighbors fled from the vicinity as from a petiilence, leaviug growing crops, houses, property of all sorts behind in the general terror. After a lapse of years the vicinity wa3 again settled, but the well now inspires wonder in place of the pristine fright. . ? ~ A _ ? ' x Dark Deeds at Saratoga.?uric ingm, last week the gas gave out at Saratoga, early in the evening and there was great ''trouble in the wigwam." Candles were in great demand jit a dollar each, advancing to five dollar!, and kerosene was at a premium. One correspondent tells how things got mixed in the dark, and inasmuch as he does it well, we will let him tell the story his own way: , < It was 10 o'clock. The stage drove up from the depot. Almost'every lady expected her husband on the train. Many young ladies expected theft sweethearts. Neither the stage, the driver, nor tho horses were visible. From force of habit the passengers felt their way to the reception room. I got mixed up with the crowd. Twenty-five married ladies, seven old maids, and' four young ladies commenced greeting the passen-' gcrs in the darkness, "My dear William!' why did you stay so long?" exclaimed a sweet young wife, and then she threw her arms around my neck?our lips met. I wasn't going to be a darned fool. Far different.?Now, a dear, sweet, liquid-eyed brunette threw her arms wildly around mo. "U, Eugene, why did you not write oftcncr?" she subbed, and the she sank sweetly on my bosopi. I said, "Weep not, Julia," and then I kissed her sweetly twenty-two times. It was delicious. It made me think of my first wife and my college days at Yale. A ponderous matron now approached?dress ilccolltteT i.-r? 7?Shot/ink me in licr iiaift U HI- JJU UtJUMXlVII ! ICMV arms and whispered. "0, Charles, did ypu bring ray beautiful dog?did you?" "Mridame, ray name is not Charles, and I hate dogs. I d kill every d?d?d?but she fell fainting at ray feet. A sweet, goldenhaired blonde now took ray hand. She pressed it gently, saying: "Dear Albert, I know it is you, and I am so glad to see you! You won't dance with Lizzie Smith, now, will you ? Now, do promise me!" I wouldn't. 'Minn ~ "h'TH clyso to mine. IV was young lu?pc and pur6, swCet^M^Bn. Wo were very happy. None but aS^ekcd man would have brought sadness to this sweet, pure young heart?full of confidence, warm with virgin affection,. ... . -.i- ?i?i?:.i:ui?lAO> and bcautuui wuu spiunum 5.1.1.-....^. ' Do you still love 111c, Albert '{" she whispered. "Undoubtedly," I remarked. "How much darling?" "A Leap." '*0, I am too happy!" she murmured, us she twisted her fingers in my auburn hair and held me in sweet embrace. This sort of' thing went on for seventeen minutes, when C. Leland appeared in the distance with a tallow candle. I quietly withdrew and mingled unobserved in the crowd. As the candles appeared, twentyseven young gentlemen were seen shaking hands with as many young ladies in the different corners. I have seldom seen such an affecting scene. It was a great display of affection. One married gentleman was holding the hands of two ladies The hair of the ladies was generally crimpless, while the hair of the young gentlemen did not display a parting-place. I reflected, "how kin such things be, and overcome us like a Summer T a.,U?A J Uillin?rs snowcri l wiisui?.? He says they kan't. So I lesolved to leave the place. .1 came back to Congress Hall and found the young ladies and young gentlemen having a grand ball by candle light. Each young lady held in her hand a penny dip. They flew through tho Lancers like ghosts in Macbeth. Eight streaks of light made a terrible criss-cross, as the dance went on. When the grand chain came, the lights revolved like a gigantic fourth of July pinwheel. It was a great night for Saratoga. The young people liked it. Some prefer darkness rather than light because their ways are evil. Recently a mad elephant entered tho Mutidia district in India, at the village of Tarraj, where lie killed a woman and child. He then passed on to other villages, entering about a dozen in succession, frightening the inhabitants and killing one or two in each place. The total of his victims between January 27 and February lywas iweiiiy-ouv persons killed besides several wounded. The most horrible and almost incredible circumstance, however, is that the savage beast was seen to devour at least five of his victims, after tearing them limb from limb. The brute is said to be a magnificent creature, with tusks three feet long. At last accounts he hud been driven out into a jungle, whence it was impossible to dislodge hiui. ?? A gentleman the other day, drove his horse on board the State n Island ferry boat North field, but kept as far from the boiler as possi ble, thus blocking up the rear for teams After telling hiui two or three times to move on, without effect, one of the employees tool the horse by the bridle and was about t< lead him forward, when up rose the gentle man, angrily, and exclaimed: "Let go tha bridlo, or I'll make you feel this whip. I Juke Vandcrbilt keeps any blank life insur ancc polices on hand, and will fill up one ii my nnme for $25,000, I'll take my chajicei at not less than 30 feot from thai boiler, but without the collateral, d?n me if I'll budg another step." And he was as good as hi word, but the deck-hand "budged" him. Hard Work.?All classes 01 men complain of " hard work." The carpenter thinks it "too bad" that he is obliged to work so hard for a living, whilf his neighbor, the physician, can ride in his carriage to attend patients, or leisurely deal out medicine in his office. The' physician thinks it hard work to be in readiness to obey calls at all hours of the day and night; to travel in cold and heat, through wind and storms,__and not even be allowed one hour in the twenty-four which he can positively call his own time. He envies his friend the carpenter, who, when the day's work is done, can return to his family and rest in peace. The blacksmith feels that a hard lot in life has fallen to him, as he strikes at the anvil, through the long day, while on the opposite side of the street, his neighbor, the lawyer, seems to be called to the performance of nn li:irtL?r-work than writing .if. "liis'table, or reading of his law books. But the lawyer, as his glance falls upon the blacksmith, thinks of the yoars spent in cfurUr fit- liini fnr t!i#> nrnfflSSIOn. of other I w, ? 4 r ;~i -years of strenuous mental exertion and constant application to gain a reputation, of the still incessant toil necessary to attain it, of frequeut unavoidable contact with most hardened villians, of the revolting relations of crime he is compelled to hear, of the'hundreds, of suffering, innocent victims who plead with him to succor them from powerful oppressors, but Whom he cannot aid.?' With a sigh he turrts away fro'in the whistling, singing, jolly-faced and brawny-armed blacksmith^ and feels it a harder work to* hammer and weld the iron, and blow the bellows of the law in such a manner as shall always keep the fires of "bis reputation burning before the world. . So it is in the various branches of trade, and in all professions. Each is apt to think his neighbor's light work compared to the dntics incumbent upon him to perform. 'But it is not so. The raer6hant and the-mechanic, the clergyman and the farmer, :liave all work to do, either mental or physical, of equal importance to the body politic, and 'requiring equal exertions. .This grumbling about hard work is of 11C bonefit to us, but decidedly foolish and wicked. ? . Wc are made to work. G7)d constituted us with bones, sinews, strength, aud in'Cvery way, by mental and physical endowment, adapted us for the performance of labor.? Labor is called worship; and whether Hi the mental or physical sphere of action, hVwho fTio' mnnt. iinmur lilOUio uivnu imiovTVKMpij) v.*v muringly, the most efficiently for the good of himself aud welfare of his fellow-men, must' be accounted the most faithful' and acceptable worshipper. " A Reverend Scoundrel.?About two years ago there came into the town of Gheut, Kentucky, one Sanford, introducing him-f?clf as a Jlcth^ist preacher. He made i [ 11 (, "oon installed pastor of a church. His wife, a retiring, aiwiable lady, soon made a host of friends.? Things went swimmingly for several months, and Sanford gained the confidence of everybody. One day in January last, an evil mSij on#? Ko f/irn-Afl 1/I101lglll< ViUIID Illl/V UIO U1II1U, UIIU the name of a friend to a check for $1,500, and obtained the.money, and the next Sunday the Rev. Mr. Sunford was not in the pulpit. * Inquiries resulted in learning that he had suddenly disappeared. And at the same time a lady of his congregation had also disappeared. Tho matter blew over, and Sanford was, in a measure, forgotten, when suddenly the the missing lady appeared on the sceno, and conveyed tho intelligence that the minister had deserted her in Indiana. Officers on going to Indiana got on his track at Seymour and traced him to Vincennes. where he passed himself as a doctor, and had married and deserted a woman there also. Ilis scene was next discovered at Fort Wayne, where ho was lecturing on phrenology and mesmerism, and had mesmerized one lady out of $500. Indiana officers are now after him. The following striking coincidence in reference to the terras of the first five Presidents of the United States is, to say the least, singular, and may uot be very generally known : Washington's term of office expired in the 66th year of his age. John Adams' term expired in the 66th year of his age. Jefferson's term expired in the 66th year of his age. Madison's term expired in the 66th year of his age. Monroe's term expired in the GCth year of his age. Had John Quincy Adams been elected for a second term of office, that would have expired in the GCth year of his age. Jackson had a plurality of votes in 1S24, had he been elected, his term of office would i have expired in the 66th year of his age. * ' X* AJ o i A mcenanic in new vyneuua mouuuw ?. safe which he declared to be burglar proof. To convince the incredulous of the fact he placed .a one thousand dollar bill in his pock! et, had himself locked in the safe, and dei clared that he would give the money to the ' man that unlocked the door. All the black! smiths and burglars in the State hav<5 been boring and beating'at the safe for a week, and the man is in there yet. lie whis, percd through the keyhole that lie will make . the reward ten thousand dollars if somebody . will get him out. Fears are entertained that the wholo thing will have to be melted , down in a blastfurnace before lie is released - and efforts are made to pass in through the 3 keyhole a fire proof jacket to protect the in . ventor while the iron is melting. t "I fear," said a country minister to hi> f flock, "when I explained to you in my last - charity sermon that philanthrophy was the l love of our species, you must have misundcr s stood me to say specie, which may account foi ,, the smalluess of the collection. ' You wil e prove, I hope, by your present contributior s that you are no longer laboring under th< , same mistake." r\?ii r uv/xirA w - - -1 , j Mr. Summer has benevolently resolved not to lecture next winter. "Airy and attractive" are the adjectives '? applied to a new hearse in Indianapolis. Spun glass is recomme nded as less maggoty , than, jute for chignons. Mrs. Amenia Watt, of Cincinnati, has re* _ cently accepted'a professorship in Mobmouth (111.) college, 4 The female barber out West has retired ' from business, on account of thn- arrival- o#; a "little shaver/? ... . A wooden legged inebriate o? Newark was taken, to pieces and carried ^the police ' station in sections > ?? ''r' Miss Throckmorton married, the Baron Lcinwe in New York. They'wanted1 hier'tio' nnrj' said -"Lemiues' aloue." .. ti.? "R/miihliran reolies- to; luo r t; - - ... Butler s vituperation in an article in same strain. Ben, it .says, is* a^MHniv demagogue and a branded I:ar/,Va*'' ' v* Aim They say at Sah Francisco&f'Tfie' wotfkftf** are bound to vote, and that's what's matter with Hanna." Hanna is the cit-yj clerk, who doesn't believe, in. woman suffice. The Troy Whig je^^.iwghbojrin^Tarm-' era cutting down their coro#taft?.~ cftrWff and housing them ftir caitle feed, sin^YTg "Fod er, 0 fodder,; come hutne' jWith" U0W'" Two discarded'rivals ont^est discard^ rifles, and resolved to settle,their Tittle'optter over a box of nitro-glycenue." Tbisjf'Stm , down upon it baci to bicl1.''^At't'Se' wofd go, they went, - -i: - - r : r The fex plosion ^pidfemi?tcdnt'mae^ anAfitfthe. midst oftheui, wo.illd it ^iit ba jyell. to recill Sydney Smith's advice that tpe way to iusure safety to passeifgcfs 16 to a directrironto the boiler. .-.ytj ... Th^ Satvrtray Rbribw says-r thirtltf jf it we .possible for a fiaiuf,to -sw?j^?, -thkt un"(}e8irabie~ te^?ilta-7roald be. pr^aced when Scott diacpyeredtbat, hi honor of h's . huiidreth birthday < his name had been made to rhyme'to what."'- ' As an Atlanta judge was administering a 1 8 mfence, the pisoner encouragingly -,r$" marked, ''Gojn-^old bald .head." This, -was more thai! the judge could "bear," and' rac sentence was appropriitclylengtheiied'. > " * Two of the old-Red Sackings have joined . a choir. ' (Dn'e. 'pf' them* otficiates as f-hort stop on the Awgan, aodtheother, sings third base. "AIJ their interest is -concentrated' on the Tuneful Nine. "Tell that man to take off his hot in. court," said a judge the other morning w in offifeer, -t ill The offender who turned out to do mujr won r in# tfeo__ggWormble sailor .^indignantly exclaimed^lanriw^^n.au-. "Then*'-?-__r. said his Honor, "I ain no judge." If, says a cotomporyry, Brigham Young wore an additional "weed" on his hat -every time he lost a wife or a mother.iiirlaw, it .is estimated his hat would have.to be twentyseven feet high. "He'd be a weodoWer with a vengeance," remarks a Sooth' friend. Puzzle.-^-Two ladies were walking the other day, each having her child with her. Soon they met twfT gentlemen. .''There," said one, "are our husbands." 'Yes." said the other, "andoijr fathers." "An<f dur grand-fathers," said the children. '"AH were correct in their statements. Who can 'solve this relationship spynx ? . nfj The great spot now to be seen on the sun, forms a striking object seen through rthe telescope. The umbra is pear-shaped, and its length is estimated at 40,000 miles,' or flva tiniM the diameter of the earth. The spot can also be seen through a dark colored glass, or when the sun is nearly overcast. Theo. Tilton having been requested by a Roman Catholic newspaper to publish a.certain article "on the condition of the damned in hell," for the "benefit of the Puritans," declines to do so. lie says: "The Puritans know as much as there is to bo . known about hell. They were among the original founders of it. ' A lady wants to know if it is proper?that is if it is lady-like?to retaliate by squeezing back when a man squeezes your bund. An editor answers: "Well, you might squeeze easy, just enough to let him kuow that von are nut disposed to be mean about it. Rut don't turn around and nsjc how is that- for 1. ! 9 /%? V* a iti irvbf fliinl* VAll tnn f/n?tuor/1 " HJgli; UI lib uiigim viiiiin. jvu ivv ivtnwu. Charleston has a citizen who is blessed with a wonderful appetite. He is very fond of blackball, and his mode of eating them is coniuiedable for simplicity and celerity. Taking a half-pound one in his fingers, ho inserts his teeth in its sides, and drawing it quickly along, from, one, side of his mouth to the other, he lays down the denuded back bone?all that is left of the fish?in hbout two seconds. When he dines at a hotel, and the bill of fare is shown: him, / ho says, -Yes, that is what I want.", -If the waiter asks him "Which?"he replies, "Why, all of it, to be sure." AH the hotel kcepore;. strive for his patronage. ,,: . ... i The following Gladstonian style of reply ' was given by a waiter in answer, tp tbc quos1 tion "How came this dead fiy in iny soup?" 1 "In fact, sir, I have no positive idea how , the poor thing came by his death, Peri haps it had not taken any food for a long time, dashed upon the soup, ate too voraciously, contracting an inflammation that'brought j on death. The fly must have.a very weak t constitution, for when I served the soup it i was dancing merrily upon the surface. Per. haps?and the idea presents itself only at r this moment?it endeavored to swallow too 1 lnirpA fx nioPA vAcrof.iKla.' f.Vtia romoinmrr I ?? |7IVVW V* ? b ' V??*W/j * VMMtUllUg 1 fast in his throat caused a stoppage of tho 2 windpipe, This is the only reason I could give for the death of the insect." * ' ' X9t.i-*t jir wry * i' <* " :.J.;