University of South Carolina Libraries
NOT. CAMDEN, KERSHAW COUNTY. S. C., THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 22. 1883. . ? ? ? ? ** A ? * I si .* % 1 ? * nV* * ? ? TWO DOLLARS A YEAR. NO. 9. ' r ?l>f "H ' J m^iii .j-< ?VH" T1IK PEOPLE'S PAPBBff|$ PUBL1HUKO AT ( J?Y it. x ?i.i ? *,?..?? -? ? ...??.? ? >- ? .. ;.i? FRAVK"TP. -senno. Publisher ? ? ??: 1 ? yy?7^ To Cvmnpondcnta. AltcomniuDleAtlvni fur t'.ili i?a;>?r sb(m!d tioi eoiopaulcU l>y the iiatuo of tb? author, liot wrtly far publication, but us au^Oo^vo ot r tal fallbou tbo |?art of tl>? vrrltcr." AVrfte only on ono UncU ?o if? . , '.?? *?? It iinvrt. u prrjorvd thau aiy^cthcr ofttco la town, to execute tu tlioiuost attractive tt> Km every Oe*crti>? tlou Of Jot) IVlBUug. MH'Il M Wvij>M?ts, I.mDcC. U1U Heads, tetter and Sot? M.w.is I^aw BrWv Poster*, Dodders, Circular*. lltud lillls VTt Id'.n*, Vti'.tluc Vil Addivu C>U<i !>u&iue*?CinU. LaCwl*. Iv. Work done lu ltn>r.i<s ICetl, Who ana Blaex TUe public must remember that ttio best t? always ^ tlio ciieapett. !Wc tlo work nt ("liarloston Prices, and ruarante* entire satisfaction to our i<atrons. AYe keep constantly ou hand tlio largest stock. o* Paj>e:* a uU counts I u tow 11 . LOVE. AND FAME, The poot'i soul that had th^ hqney pressed From man and lire, v " ' } On eager wins?&a.l gone to so k ner rat ' Tartar earth's ?trlf? y 'Fame (aid to Lotoi "Tho poet'a soul la mln<\ Til mine to bring To my et< rnsl fields the voice divine That thus could sing." Love aufivrero'l : " Though thy olaim I now confess, ? 4 Twas I d<d Rive Ilia versos all theflro and gracefulness , ?? ?vrf . > t/1 "Whereby they live." ? G ^hambcr^, Jnuvnnl. The Court In QQhoharle . On a bright, w^rm day tho judge mid I tuko the train,' and aro whirled away from tho toiling. city to tho rich, fertile, grassy' Valley of tho' old Schoharie. It is sunk deep among tho highlands, far back in a remote corner, bemad tho bluo Catskills. Tho judge has to submit to being lionized a littlo an ;W0 . draw near the end of tho journoy ; for a justico of the suproio*' {Jourfr pf the Stato of Now York, on lxis way to hold a circujt in , tbk.8bnnbcroM9(yalloy, always finds [him self an exceedingly great man. Tlieuittlo hotel at Schoharie has been dreaming of him and of tho coming circuit for ?vycekB past. Tho lawyors and people from all Earti of tho county are w'ftitfn^ to do omago to the supremQ court and tb his honor. '^ToiHtePot tHo land has 'been Sthered hi at tho hotel to feed tho court multitude who como to tlio county soat for justice. When wo reach the neatest rai)road station and eton of! the cars, our j eyes can discover a large, old-fashioned' car riago and a pair of magnificent grays drawn up in.ajtate. ready; to receive us. The alert hotol proprietor has como all , tho wivy frpm lii? house to greet us, and his cheery voico says : "This way, judge, ?with your friend, if you please." j After dinner wo repair to tho Court room. A caso of littlo consequence is called, disposed of in 'ti'Wifc'o, and tho next ono galled.. Tho prosecuting ^officer says: " May it pleaso the court, wo must soo about this 1 man ?who rcfiiser to support hfitovlfe. It is a matter for our city authorities, of course, but there aro circumstances which ? " A email, active attorney from the city springs to his feet, and' interrupting, I says .^fWftha^pmt pleas o, I appear iiri tills case. Tno learned and ingenious gon^emqn HCCfl pot explain how lie gets this matter here. It is a proceeding that ought not to bo tolerated anywhere. This man that tho prosecuting Officer j talks about is George Wilson, 'and ho le I hardly, flftppn years old. " Tho Judgo whikpert} with tho asapciato justices of tho county, who sit withj him, and 'then AaVb f '* " Whero is tho accuscd ? Lot him be brought forward." ' v "Stand up, George," says his counsel) A dandyish, sprightly littlo fellow,-^ tastily dreBHcd in handsome clothes from tho city, with a bright face, light; clus tering curls nnd< b)uo eyes, jumps up and stands beforo tho court. " Won't take.caro of his wife, hoy f" says tho judge, with an amused smile. Tho girls and women in the gallery lean forward with their mouths half open and titter. A light brcyzo from tho meadows back 01 thdfcourt-houao camo in at an opon "window, and tosses George's ligiit curlft 4efy pWtfily. "If your honor please," says tho prosc ' a solemn voico, "this man has persistently refused and entirely neglected to support this woman, although proceedings have been taken againsthim." " What woman? whoro1 ip-his' wife?'*i inquires the judge, interrupting. . A-brigUV-eycd andr iprettily-dressed lit tlo girl is sent forward from tho buck ,?eat?,Hndcomey and stands by Gdorgle. A glance at her face rovoals tho faot-tljat, sho may bo fifteen, but she is very potrto for so many years. As thoy stand to gether, Gcorgio takes hold of her dress, pulls it, and whispers Wner. Tho littlo girl beauty forks away coquettishly, and will not loftk-a't'teiil.' ' j ^ " Now. your honors, look at tnfcslb dhildhm," sAys the counsel for Goorglo, imploringly. " Is this a caa^to ' bring boiorfc tho supremo court of tho Stato of Now York. This boy", who Is woll con nected and respectable, ,hw been kept ia jail two weeks on this chargo. liis rela tives, who aro in good clrcumstartcis^tt tho city, aro of courso very mucli an noyed by thjese, procoodlhgs. Tho, Bpy camo out here into the country ono sun shiny day and was cntrappod into this marriamf." Tho prosecuting officer replies sharply to this, And a aisciissloh springs up whtcli continues for ton minutes. Mean while iho (ftd; children are apparently making up their quarrel. . Lucy baflta to "whisper to Georgie, and tlxoy sitaqwn close togother in two chairs handed them by counsel. Goorgie's light curia look very protty as ho nods his approval or whAt Lucy is saying tqbha. Instead of listening to tho counsel, alt a'ro slyly watohing tto mnsouveriMf of this little pair of robins. Goorglo makes advanced v *H/Luoychirpp and twitters in a very bewitching way. Counsel, in whispers, compare them to tho Habcs in tho Wood. As tno prosecuting officer fulminates and thunders, tho littlo romance In progress just in the roar of hi* posWlon Itfthe real subject to which tho court dircct* its at tctttiofl^'ftvff J Ml^Ion tho sly, is ab sorbed in tho way Georgio manages tho 2 making, tip, J? observing bow tho littlo lwauty rovoals her inborn tendency to bo 4 'flirtatious." 1*ho eurl of Luoy's lip and tho flash of Gcorgio's eyes aro much more potent than tikoaloqurince of pugnacious attorneys. rit ( Tho reconciliation seems happily com plcted, to the groat, enjoyment of the . spectators who have been feasting upon tno ftbcftC, just as the contest of the legal athletes closes. 44 1 think I will have tho woman sworn, and soc what tho court thinks . ' About IV1 my* ?he prosetnting* fcffloer." ? t do not like to do it} but, arte* what hae been tatAf I feel* that J musi show how this man has treated this Woman, Mr*. Wilson, 4akevtko stand, If you ? ? 'ploaic," , Kithor because she was not accustomed to the titlo "Mrs. Wilson," or, more likely because she is too much ataofhed with Georgie to hear the request, Lucy pays no atlontion to it, 44 Go around thero to the judge And l>o > twtflrt, i!to*yV,, 'sa^s- counsel, persuasively. Luey hears iW?t ? And obeys, and the clork mumbles the oath to her. At rffcf} pt <Ae^ formula. " Yoii will <efl th" truth, the whole truth/ and , aoibbfg but liiu truth? kiss Hie book.'' Mrpcneir y-red llpA meet tho csSf-skM eo^er of the ancient volume ^ith a Aelicious vimark, ., -v leoks nieet Arid smiling at Ge<>irgle. Then fob lo4s her examination. Tho prosecuting I ' .M officer persuades hor into tlio truthful ac knowledgment that she has made com Elaint against Gcorgie for not supporting or. 8no admits that soon aftor they woro married, about u month ago, Georgo loft her at the hotel and went away homo to his mother, " and did not como back for a week," she says, pouting; but she adds that when ho did como back ho gavo her two dollurs aud paid her board at tlio hotoTTjeside*. Sho admits also that ho often asked hor to walk down by the creek after they wero married, afed that Bhc would not go, because sha^hought ho luid got tired of hor aud wftri^ tQ push her Into the river. This tohch of nature slightly amuses the beuch and bar; but the pub lic prosecutor assumes a horrified aspect, seeming to regard It as ovidencc of a very serious character .v . ? Lucy concedes also that Georgio finally went away hoiqo to his mother and did not come back at all ; and then sho had 1 no way to pay- her board, and had to leavo the hotel , and work out, as sho used to do beforo slip, was married, and so she complained of him to the authori ties. ' '?>, ' , 1 . v Then Gcorgio^fl, counsel tal^cs tho wit ness and cross-examines her. She ad mits that sho is 61def than Gcorgie, and that sho is a '.little 'French girl from Canada and accuBtomed to work out. Sho claims that ' Georgio told her he was rich and that sho could livo like a lady at tho hotel. She says she would not have eared for not having much, if he had only told her tho truth, for sho was quite able to tako caro of herself, sho thanks fortune ; but sho was augry at Georgio for acting so; but now they had made it up, and sho would like to have him set at liberty, if they please. Lucy comes down from tho stand and sits by Georgio again, and ho takes hor hands, and they look wonderingly into each other's faces, as children do. "Now, your honors," says Gcorgic's couoscl, "you must soe how this is. This little girl, who is older than sho appears, aud was a servant, has cauaht this boy and has privately married him. Ho is of good family ; he could not tako this girl homo with him, probably bccauso nis mother wo"ld not want her there. Let this proceeding stop, and Gcorgie and Ids friends will mako tho most of it. lie is married to tho girl and they will try to take caro of her in some way. I am authorized by them to say this to tlio court." Tho court takc3 a lenient view of the enso. Georgio is directed to stand up, and the iudge delivers a lcctnro to him in regard to his domestic duties as a hus band. Georgio is informed that it is perhaps unfortunate for him that he has married " this girl" (tho little beauty's cheeks burn at this), but he must never theless take care of her. Ho is permitted to go at lnrgo for the time being without mnishmcn$; but he must remember that lie is on probation and under tho watcli pilyfcs gf (lie qfllc|rs pf tli? law:' ~ Cqoorg^i and Lucy, linppy and side by' sidejv ga, dhiipuigljr out of/tho court room, and many kind wishes and tlio mirth of the happy hour go with them. Another trial comes up ? a breach of promise. The defendant is a stout, hon est-faced countryman. His lawyer is the shnrp attorney from the city, 'it seems that the affair occurred years ngo, when the defendant was a bachelor. A neigh borhood quarrel has now revived it. The upon ,hc , Jt hardly , soema worfh while to tako so deep nn interest iii so simple a matter; but there we all are? the court, the bar, the jury, and tho spectators, all drinking in wi'h great eagerness Miss Sallio Brown's story as slio is persecuted by tho marry yon, Sallio ?" says the counsel, cross-oxnmining. " Yes, I do," says Sallio, sharply. A4l'vHaw old.aro, you, Sallio ?". continues "I don't know what that has to do witkitJ^sayfl tho witness; " but I would just as sooti tell you. I am forty-six ; but I was only forty-two when ho prom ''Now, Miss Sallio, ""says tho counsel, " do yoitT|ftlJarjnoan'.tQt avyeorthat John cntanglea/youK maid on ifYoeUons and plighttfd ins tft>th tb you, after an ac quaintance of only three we?ks, having seen you but, twice, _ ha boingn steady ))lacRsmftli, and you a cpurttry nittidan of fort|-twofcujrfmeffr? d5 you m^an tW, ?fiowj- Salfio r' v,A<. .i ' . - "Yes, I do mean it," replied tho irato spinster. r "How did ho say it? What did ho say first ?" inquires tho lawyer. "Why tlio first timo when ho wont away ho askod mo to rcmomber- '<hfm !!?? terrupting. ho camo wo woro in tho parlor, and ho said, ' Sallio, will you havo moV and'1 ha took Ida hand into mino, and I aaid, 'Yei;'1 arid hi - Hfi lidpod I would novor bo sorry, and I Baid I tiover Would if ho did aa ho agreed to." " Did ho enuoozo vonr hnndf? nMkd counsel. peculiar affections for " Did ho press your hand in ft manner that, in <3 touted pccuUar. -i "" yoursolf?" inquired tho judge, with im ^ ^ , VMV J Tf JVlk IIM" sweetly. MAnd," continued tho judge, smiling and looking uquarely into tho bluo oyos of tho witness, "did ho use ? ah ? terms I '" Ahoml" says tho jodgo, with a dis appointed air, an ho turns away and make* ft nnto upon his paper. - "And did ho kiss yout" asked tho anxious to kmr*,". jerks or$ tho injured female, to tho greKt rimriftftoent 01 thd pressed your hand oarcwdngly and kisso<l JWV ; "Yea, sir." answers Ihe mniden, with a grateful glancc. ^ "And," continues tho juugo, slowly, emlonrment and attachment and peculiar affection? that is,' a sentiment of MMIHI Moamn softly, I meets tho tag g?M . . JMBPHH "Where did he kiss yonf on your cheek or . your Hps?" now resumes her tormentor, : Bailie thinks sho Is badgered, and re mains silent. " Please tell us whero ho kissed you, Miss Bailie," says the ^udge, kindly. < "It was on my hps, sir," says the lady, in a very low voico to tho judge, t "Sho says it was on her lips," an-, nounees tho judge, with an air of great satisfaction, as no turns to his papers and makes a note of tho fact. " Now, perhaps, you will tell mo how many times ho kissed you," says tho tor mentor. " Ho kissed me once, and that is enough for you to know," responds tho indignant woman. 14 When was that ?'" contiuues the in terrogator. "When ho went away," replies tho witness. "Do I understand you," says tho judge, apprehensively, "to say that ho did not kiss you at tho time he pressed your hand endearingly and affectionately, and asked if you would have him ?" " It was not then," replies the witness; "but it was when he went. away." "And," says the judge, anxiously, "did ho kiss you only once ?" "That was all," replies tho witness. And tho judge, apparently discon certed and unhappy, turns to his papers nnd makes a note, which lie regards for a moment with great gravity. " And na-ow," says the torturer, with a provoking drawl, "to sum up, you mean to swear, do you, that, after thrco weeks' acquaintance, Swackhammer John hero won the innocent, untried and maiden affection of your too suscentiblo heart, and, having squeezed your hand, promised to marry you, and then, trying the tnste of one kiss upon your virgin lips, scud for homo, nnd never eiuno back ? Is that it, Miss Brown ?" "I did not como here to bo insuur d;" retorts the jilted femalo angrily; and sho flounces off tho witness-stand, to tho great amusement of the spectators. After further proceedings, it comes to Bwackliammer John's turn to tell his sido of tho story. IIo "swears" with the eamo energetic forco with which ho is accustomed to wield tho sledge-hammer in tho shop. Ho declares, with a whack of his great list upon his knee, that ho never did promise to marry Bailie ? no, never so help him his Maker, he never did I Ho admits that ho wns introduced to lior by friends when he was looking for a wife, and that he called upon her' twice, as she says. " And did you," says the judge, with a slow, delicious utterance of every syl lable, " did you at any time press her hand caressingly in an nlTectionato and endearing manner, or indicate feelings of peculiar interest or attachment J" "No, your honor, I did not," says John. "I looked her over by lamp light and then by daylight, and I seo it didn't take 5 and I said as much to tlio folks as introduced me. She skeered mo some, sho did, the second- time I called. Sho turned 011 n\o sudden, after wo had i set a few minutes, and said, sez sho, ' Mr. Poget, what U your intentions ?' It kind of took my breath away." " And what did you answer ?" inquires tho counsel. " I was all struck of a heap for a while," says the witness, " but when I ot my wind ag'in, 1 asked her if I could ave two weeks to consiilor it, and sho said I might; and so then I coined away." "And did you kiss her ?" inquires tho judge. " No, ,1 never did in my life, so help mo, ihy Matter I'* wftli a great whack of the list upon his kneo again. "Did yon go to tell her what your in tentions wero at tho close of tho two* weeks ?" asked the counsel. ?'> "I tried to tell her," says John, " hut sho dodged. Sho sent me word bIio would not bo at homo. Hut I was bound to keep my appointment, nnd I walked over there on tune, square." ??And how far was it?" says the coun sel. > "Better than /our .mile," replies tho witness. ' '^As I was sayln', I walked over there, and sho was not there. I found her father there, and talked to him awhile, and then wont home, I saw Bailie tho next week at tho atore, and I told her I had made my mind up not to a nit my bachelorship quite yet, andl id not wiiht to marry her. She cried, and I told her not to feel bad, and I loft her; and slio and I never spoke no mord." The judge, 1ri clufrging the. jury, says: "Ahfl although; gentlemen. Ulus pro ceedings 4yen I upon t|io pjmhtiff's owri staterrfent. is hot as Warm and rifdent as our cxperlonco might lead us to expect, and although thoro is a frigidity about it. which does not perhaps fully sat isfy the mind, yoV^joh IxfoeVO this man press tho woman's hand in a mannc*\Tenntnig and intended to denote peculiar affection, and if thoy did mutually promise marriage, that promiso r - w * i tfo out, John's counsel smilingly remarks that, the court evi dently regards this as an interesting case. A pleasant ripple of merriment testiflos that tho pho^ tolls, and, a protty blush upon tho uoblo, time-worn face of his honor reveals tho still youthful suscepti bility^ his heart . . The jtiry are out all nitfht. In tho moantimo Jylin and his family are slecp l^'and;trf>mbljrtg through tho lono night watches. The comedy in tho court- room has its terrors. Their little farm and shop may be swept "from them by a vor dlct awarding damages to Salllo., court-room is again J crowdod. It is Whispered that tho jury' agreed, and soon they are brought in, Swackhammer sits with his counsel, trembling and fearing. f The clerk of tho court says to tho jury: "Gentlemen, have you agreed upon your verdict?" ? Tho foreman rises and ropllos: "Wo have agreed." ... > ?. " How (lo you find?" askod tho clerk. "Pot tho defendant," ropllos tho fore* man, . i 'T BWA^khamfte* John's head goes down Upon ibis hnnwsjkwd ho buriott bin faoo botwecnhls knees. Tho midden joy and relief Is too mucli for him. Kin great . iway in bin oitovM? to repress bin nob.". Tho eounsol laugh tfritl fifnf aKA fell libit to " hold up," thov want to Apeak to him. John rlaea to Ids foot- with a great awing and a jerk doslgnod to throw Ids long natr bade from htn red, excited face, which is soon to bo all wet with tears, 10 rushes from tho< Ton minutes later N tho counsel finds hltrt Anfl hit family at tho hotel whote thor have put dp, orbing and laughing and hugging each other in tho excess <3 their great joy. Tho avnlnncho of an angry woman's vengeance, whlcfy haa threatened them for a year past Ih the shape of a lawsuit, can never crash 'them now, and thoy look Into tho future with out ? ?loud. ? P. JMning, in LippinwU. y .. .. ,/?. "? ? ' ?' V HUMOROUS SKETCHES. . A Conundrum. First party ? " When does a man be come a seamstress!" Second party ? "When ho hems and ll&W8 " First party ? " No." Second party ? "When ho threads hi^ way." First party ? " No." Scconu party ? "When he rips and tears." First party? "No." Second party? "Give it up." First party ? "Never, if ho can help it."? liluxard. A S(?:c OutMldo of the Vnlou. " A little anecdote in which the wife of General Crook played a part went tlio rounds of the newspapers while sho was still in her school days. On his wajfto Wheeling in a private car, President Buchanan made the usual wait nt Oak land Station, where many persons as sembled to be presented to the chief magistrate. When Mary's turn came, the exalted bachelor put the question to her that had served him throughout the interview: "And what State are you from, Miss?" "From the same state as your, excellency," she quickly 'replied, "the stato of single blessedness !" A rurrrct on Over the great Los Angeles earthquake the communities down South are excess ively proud. They claim that a man at San Fernando was actually thrown out of his bed by the shock. That this is un true can be seen by perusing the follow ing dispatch: ^ "Editoh: Please correct the state ment in daily papers. My husband was not thrown out of bed by any earthquake. 1 throw him out of bed myself, and I'll do it every time he coines home intoxi cated. and lies down at the foot of the bed and puts his muddy boots in my face. (Signed) June Wilkins." This takes all the stnreh out of their fourth-class earth quake in Los Angeles. ? Stm Francisco Ncics- Jitter. 'IVo'i Kno.iticni! At the Art Loan the other day a fat man with his hands under his coat-tails stood before a painting, when one of two ladies who were criticising a landscape near by exclaimed, " What exquisite harmony!" "And how perfect in detail!" added the other. The man uttered a grunt of dissatisfac tion and turned around. "Observe the coloring," continued the first lady. The fat man removed his spectaclca, and folt of bis nose. " And what a chnrming perspective!" added tho other. ' Yes ? exactly ? exactly !" growled tho man as ho pocketed his glassed arid started' for tho door. - " If I can't come in here without being ridiculed and burlesqued I'll stay out ! No truo lady would make fun of a strange gentleman this way ? never!" ? Pctroit Pout. FIimi Aid to (It e Drouiiln." 1. Qo through his pockets. 2. If thcro nro any trees round hang the subjcct up by tho legs to let tho water run out. If you nro in a city use a lamp post. 8. If the subject bo a small man pum mol him with your fists to start* circula tion. If ho bo a largo man give him a shock with a galvanic battery. 4. Endeavor to start respiration by blowing in his nostrils with a pair of hollows. If you can't get a pair tako ono. , . . I 5. Pour down his throat a mixture of 4.70 brandy, 2.20 ipecac, 1.07 paregoric, 1.00 ammonia, .88 Winslow soothing syrup. Bo very careful to get tho exact proportions. 0. If tho nbovo remedies produco no efTccts, as a last hope sing "Wait Till tho Clouds Boll By " to him, or read him a funny articlo from J*unch. If ho then shows no signs of writhing lot him bo. Ho was born to bo drowned. 7; Go through his pockets again. ? Wcio York L\fe. lid Wni (he TO fin. It was on a Western railroad. The conductor had been his rounds, and taken a seat bcsido.a very quiet and unassuming pasfonger. "Pretty full train," finally observed tho jwssongor. "Road seems to bo doing <i good bus1, ncss." "Oh, tho road makes plenty of money, but?" i$ " But what?" asked tho passenger, as the othor hesitated. . "Bad management. It is tho worst managed line In this whole country." ' "la that sol" "That'a 80. Tho board of official* might know how to run a side-show to a circus, but they can't tacklo a railroad." "Who Is tho biggest fool in tho totf" " Well, tho sunprmtendent la." ? " I'm glad of that," said tho passenger, ns his faco lighted up. "I was afraid you would sav it was tho president." " Bupposo i had?" "Why, I'm tho man "?Wall Street Next*. 1 f "Tttn fterdon Hand'* Nerret. Mr. Kimball, tho present vicc-prosidont of tho Bock Island, took ft scat behind two ijecfton men in a coach leaving Daven port for Chicago. Tho conductor camo in and collected .faro from ono of tho men, tho otlior having previously paid. Baid the latter, to gag his friend: "I can travel on this road whenover 1 want to, and never pay a cent." " How's that?" said tho otlior. 4 1 It*rt a iteoret," said tho first. Mr. Kimball pricked up his ears and thought Tffi TUM h "hen on." Tho Paddy who lalt paid his faro got Off at a Way station, and Mr. Kimball slipped into tho vacated seat "Have a smoke," ho said to tho remaining Irish man. "How do you manago to 'tntvol without paying? 1 do a qeal myself, t And would like to know." "Would yo*. Toikoto know?" said rat, looking cun ning. " Indeed I would, and I'll glvo y6u ton dollars if you'll toll nrto." "wo." "Fifteen." "No." "Twenty-five." " Donol" saifl tho 'section hand, and tho cssh wns forked over. "Be jabers, I walk I" This samo Pat is section foreman on tjio Bock, Island, neaij Dayenplort. ? Ohitngo Tribune. Af An Iai?ntMrt* Wife* " It is all very well to talk about work ing for tho heathen," said one, aa the laaica put up their sowing, "but J'd liko t<ffiate aomo one tell mo what 1 am to do with my husband ?" " What is tho mat ter with him ?" asked a sympathetic old lady. "William is a good man," con tinued the flr*t. waving her glaaaes in an argumentative way, "'but William will! invent. Ho goes inventing around from ! morning" till night, and I nave no peace ' or comfort. I didn't object when lie in- j veut?l a fire escajie, but I did remon strate when he wanted me to crawl out of the window one night last winter to . see how it worked. Then lie originated a lock for the door that wouldn't open from midnight mil i ! morning, so as to keep burglars out. The first time he tried it he caught his coat-tail in it, and I had to walk around him with a mil of hot coals all night to keep lim from freezing." " Why didn't lu take his coat off?" 4( I wanted him to, , but lie stood around till the thing opened ?, itself, trying to invent some way of un- ! fastening it. That's William's trouble, i He will invent. A little while ago ho j got up a cabinet bedstead that would shut up and open without handling. It 1 went by clockwork. William got into it nod up it went. Bless your heart, he . stayed in there from Saturday afternoon j till Sunday night, when it Hew open and I disclosed William with the plans and : specifications of a patent wash bowl that I would tip over, just when it got so full. '1 he result was that I lost all my rings > and a breastpin down the waste-pipe. ! ?Then he got up u crutch for a man that j could be used as an opera glass. When- ' ever the man leaned on it up it went, and ! jvhen lie put it to his eye to find Wil liam, it flew out into a crutch and al most broke the top of his head ofT. The other day 1 saw him going up the street with a model of a grain elevator sticking rtut of his hip nocket, and he is fixing up an improved shot tower in our bed room." ? JialUmoro American. ? - How to Drlvo a Ilorsp. Young man, I see you are about to take a drive this morning, and will oiler you ! some advice. Your horse is restive and ? Wants to be off before you are ready; you j may as well break him of this now as at l any other time, and hereafter you will i find it has been a half hour we'll spent, j Just give me the reins, while you put your foot on the step, as if to get in; the horse makes a move to go; I tighten tho reins and say " whoa." Now put your foot on the step again; the. horse makes another move; I hold the reins and speak to him again. The horse is getting ex cited. Pat him a little on the neck, and talk to him eootliii g'y. Put your foot oil the step again, and repeat tho process until the horso will stand still for you to get in, and adjust yourself to your seat, and tell him to go. A few sncli lessons will train him so that ho will always wait for an order before starting. Now, a.c your horse has just been fed, drive him at a very gentle pace for the 1 flrftt two or three miles, utitil lie warms ! ton. and his bod* becomes lighter. But, I before you stfttT, let mo show you how to : hold tho reins: Take them in your left hafid at equal lengths from the bit and llifwthetn cross each other in your hand, 1 the off-side one resting on your lirst fin- I er, the other on tho fourth finger, tho j nek of the hand upward. Now, in ! guiding the horse, you have only to uso ! the wrist joint, which will direct him j either to the right or loft, as you wish, j Keep your hand steady, with a gentle pressure on tho bit ? no jerking or twitch ing of the reins. If more speed is wanted, take the whip in your right hand, to be gently used for that purpose, lie careful not to apply it. any harder than is necessary to bring him up to the re quired speed. Sneak to him soothingly, nnd intimate, in the most gentle manner, what you want him to do, and ho will try to do it. So noblo an animal should not be handled roughly nor overdriven. When you return have tho harness re moved at once, nnd tho horse rubbed down with a wisp of straw or hay. Give him a bite of straw or hay, and let him cool off before being Avatered or fed. Every one who handles a horso. or has anything to do with one, should in tho first place cultivato his tveouaintanco; let him know that you aro his friond, and >rovo it to him by your kind treatment ; io needs this to inspiro confidence, and wlion that is gnincd lie is your humblo servant. If your horso gota frightened at any unusual sight of noiso, do not whip him, for if you do he will conncct the whip ping with tho object that alarmed him, and bo afraid of it over aftor. If ho merely shies at any objoct, givo him tlmo to oxnmino it, which, with some encourag ing words from tho driver, will persuade him to pnss it. You got frightonod, too, sometimes, and would not like to bo Avliipped for it.? Stock Journal . W Poultry Farm*. A poultry farm of 8,000 Plymouth I lockd is o^ned and carried on by A. 0. Hawkins at Lancaster, near lloston, Mass. He calculates to havo about 8,000 fowls overy.iall, and carrics over about 2,800 laying honS through tlio winter. At the present time he has 18,000, includ ing all ftizes; Uis farm contains twenty five acres, and his poultry buildings oc cupy an aero and a half. Thoy are situ ated on tho south slope of a hill, and comprise six or sevon sheds 200 fcot in length. Each shod is divided into apart - monts of 12 by 20 fcot, and about twonty flvo hens aro kopt in each division. A yard is mide In front of each apartment, bo that the members of each aro by themselves. Mr. Hawkins belioves that if confined poultry havo oil their wants at tended to, thev will do ?n well in egg-pro duction as if allowed free rango. He buses (his belief upon govcral tests. In hutching-timo ho sets 200 hens on one day, and nuts 000 eggs in an incubator, which is clue to hatch on tho same day, tho chickens from which will bo distrib uted among tho 200 hens. Boston is one of tho l>cst markets for fancy prices for eggs and poultry, and his sales of fowls and eggs fo# hatching at fancy prices aro large, about ninety per cant, being profit. Ho also has a standing order for Blxty to ninety dozen* of eggs daily, for which ho gots the highest market price. Mr. Hawkins began at tho ago of twenty-one with 100 hens* mil by caroful manago ment and economy hi* business has en larged so that 'it tho ago Of twenty-nino ho has a very handrfomo income. Tho manure from tho poultry Is ouite an item; he sold last year fiOO barrels at $1.00 a barrel.*? Cuftitntcr. A Change of Hind. ".Tamos!" he began, as he called the clerk into the private office, "your con duct is such that I can no longer retain you in mV employ. Yon do not hesitate to llo anu cheat, and you are drunk at loa*t twice a week.'* "All right," responded the olotk. " I got nows yes terday of a legacy of $70,000 1" " To a cent." "Oash money?" "All cash." " Then I'll sell you a partnership interest in tho business, and we'll make thinga hum! Hal Lot mo Congratulate yout Jn?t such a partner as I'd pick among * thousand Wall 6tr*t /met, ' ' ' ' : ; : LONGEVITY. T*. Cau?o? oi 8a>t-WVntr 0I?w0 i"bjoct of longevity wri ten nn tr te,DdlUg al1 that bee? frfZi'r ?J yCnre- Shtt|low empirics i"wi!bLbu?ieTsrhr0 ':,id dmv!; H"-i; ahre'>['rc?" 'f o.pocwb)0c;reobi &0ch ^ T tainnrl tr. ?i "cornea to have nt W? v th? K^ntwt term of vca " i 'be fact it'Vo^/V^rfiv^ I "XCl"fcC''ni',T{'"n'1, " hnlf' hml '??<??? "? even t/miS g ut an nb8tcinious or en tP nperate man. and that Imv rw < ilSSii sill ? n-J l! !? nlmost instant decease But ' ..??/ W0 !n-s!st "Pon Oomfort? rpffularitv ' & tX i *h Ah:*-<? '< ! that Parr ii nrl T /'!'ve ftn<1 reminds us I7n J? Jenkins, whose aire was 170 years save one, depended n - ! support upon t lio charity which they had iKF&s&u&B s!a 5 e"*c'' il "WJoubltillv has ^n7omt:Z 'WS ?"? , n^omTlhe'?tW|ly.l'!TCM<!'1 of bo"' <"*? fn fi i which are more conccnial to the human frame than the 2 of X'S' % ?i?'o?-??-op?"!?A? tex i ' * But if any one feels inclined afUTM <l>i" or i,! foniwl i -C, H1)C(1,1C climate is to be found in which man will infallibly i<\ h" 0 the principle of long 1 fo ot hi, n only just cast his oye ove? the divereitv nimXiV"Zb,it l"? '?"e ,lvm ,hor? TteSSi fci-; .frgrft* Abraham raiba. . . "iJS" Hon' k u Du i.ltur Hadulv i2n ' '5 h ^ ftr?'ina. Oou?to? Deunund. "JJo' hTnZ n James Wand i m ^ (V d jy ire of, ditto. ;:;.; !<* ? ' ?t^orS ?'"ro Honry Jenkina ?Staffordshire. l'rancls lions. . . . i$T " " ?,JB,uro A- ( loidsmlth . . . .ifj ' Jryti^;#23h |ir?",ar:0 }?;..v?w Perhaps wc cannot more agreeably con bv'nn rhr( n0tiRC of t ho Subject than rnpW of an IS"] * C,0V?r contp,nporary t he Ids 110th Ll Wh?' bcin* ftaked in ! . 1 '?th } car the means by which he at toed (? ?? advanced J, ?Kc ro !ii"!l with the ready versification for which the Italians are so remarkable: Con mansfiar broroli Portara i pedi zoccoli; Jn tetto ca lollo Poohi pensfiKii in corvcllo bcpS&;ifo''rfroo,n'Ml';iionn>''.v WJion hungry of the b st I ei And dry and warm I keep my fret And WlfU'y hoa'1 from ?n and rain, ,ot fow eai*os porplox my brain. Tho Local Paper. The Chicago Tribuno, ono of the load ing papers or the West, tells ft grout denl of truth in a few words in the following article: What tolls so readily the standard of n town or city as the appooranco of its paper? And its youth or its ago can an well bo determined as by a personal no tieo. The enterprise of its citizens is de picted by its advertisements, their liber ality by tho looks of tho ]>oople. Borne papers show a good, solid, healthy foun dation, plethoric purses, and a well-to-do appearanco generally; others show n striving to contend with tho grasping thousands around thorn, trying to wrench out an existence from tho close-fisted community around them. An occasional metcoric display in its columns shown what it can do if it had tho means, but it cannot continue its Oxpensivo work until support comes which ought to readily bo granted. A nowspaper Is like u church; it wants fostering; thon it can reflect credit on its location. Take your homo paper. It gives you more news of immediate in terest than Now York or other papers; it talks to you when other localities hello you ; it stands up for your rights ; you alwoys lmvo a champion in your home papor, and those who stand up for you should certainly bo well sustained. Your interests aro kindred and equal, and you must rise or fall togothor. Therefore, it is to your interest to support your home paper; not grudgingly, but in a liberal spirit; os a pleasure, not as a disogred aolo duty; but as an investment that will amply pay tho expenditure. Falso Hair. ? tho days of tho Kmporor Trajan n maiTtot was established in front of tho Templo of Apollo for tho sale of false hair and dyes and cosmetics of many kinds, and it was in ite time as fashion ablo a rendezvous ns tho baths. All Itoifre gathered there of a day. It was in tho glorious summer of prosperity at n period when golden hair was the rago. Tho women tried in a thousand ways to obtain the precious tint. They bought eagerly all kinds of preparations from foreign countries -pomades* from Greece and soaps from Gaul. Tho water from the river Grathis, which was supposed to posses# tho Midasliko vlrtuo of turning all it touched to gold, was one of the roo$t popular Washes " ever offered to tho ltoman public. When this xvotfdor fnl water failed to, produco tho desired result, there remained but one thing to bo done, and thai was to shave tho head. Then a flno erop bt golden hair eattie. It came from Germany or Gaul, and from that day to this tho trndo in humari hair hM continued in tho hands of the French and German merchants. ivf<V?VvvvA.'' ? ' ' A Battle With Whales. About a week ago Mr. Peter Warner, tho well-known contractor, and a veteran fisherman started out on a fishing excur sion in a small boat. They carried with them a Winchester rifle and a shotgun, in order, possibly, to bag some game that abounds in the laguna. which ex tends some three miles inland from the shore. They had rowed out but a few | miles when two whales, of the bottle nose specie, were espied a short distance from the boat. Mr. Warner immediately grasped his rifle, fired, and, apparently, wounded one of them. Infuriated, the j monsters lashed the water into foam. I and made desperate efforts to reach t them. After a second and third shot a vital j spot in one of them was reached, and t only one was left to combat with. They j theu began firing at the remaining one. j but, though wounding it several I times, it seemed utterly impossible to : seriously disable it. It made the ? most furious attacks upon them, ami with | distended jaws, it seemed at times as if about to engulf boat and all. Twelve ! shots were fired into it, and still it con tinued its onslaught. It splashed ami foamed, spreading heavy spray in all ! directions, and nothing but the most j skillful management kept the boat at a j safe distance from its fury. Now and i then it would plunge under the water, endeavoring to get under the boat and ' send it skyward, but the steady ?? old salt" managed each time to whirl the boat beyond its reach. The situation was growing serious, as the cartridges in tho rifle were exhausted and it seemed well nigh impossible to reload while the inon? ster was making such furious attacks. While attempting it a sudden onslaught of the whale made it necessary to use t he shotgun. and Mr. Warner fired hastily, discharging both loads right into its face. , It was a most fortunate shot, as it took effect in the eyes of the whale, and mu-.t have totally blinded it. The pain served to increase its ferocity, but its efforts were now futile, and it was an easy nat ter to row to a safe distance, when the rifle was reloaded and the monster "killed at leisure. The two whales were then towed inshore, and quite a large quantity of oil has been since tried out. -t H'jflcH (('<//.) I'illlCH. Sitka Showers. After the scattered villagesand trading posts along the shores of the archipelago. Sitka came upon us like a vision of metropolitan splendor, and the town full of moss-grown and w eather-beaten houses was (piitc impressive, says a corn spond ent of the St. Louis (flobc- Democrat. Wo wandered continually up and down its winding streets and dilapidated side walks, and strolled out on the graveled path that leads down the beach and through the woods to the rippling waters of Indian river, and never wearied of Sitkan scenes. It rained con stantly, but none of us minded that, since Alaska rain has a cheerful, steady, all-tho-year-round patter that even a stranger gets accustomed to in a little while. Gossamer cloaks and rub ber shoes are. full dress in Sitka; um brellas bob contentedly up and down tho street, and no one dreams of foregoing any outdoor pleasures for the rain. Hard a3 it may pour, there is not tho damp ness to be felt that one experiences 111 other climates, and although wo live on shipboard, and keep stateroom windows and doors wido open, neither shoes nor kid gloves have any refractory clammi ness about them when it comes to put ting them on in the morning. Clothes will dry if hung under a shed or an awn ing, no matter how hard the rain may be falling within a few feet of them, and there are many paradoxes and nuzzles about this wonderful climate of Alaska. A Reminder of Garfield. When tho traveler 1h ascending the trail to Glacier Point, in tho Yosemito vnlley, the guide will point out to him an immense muss of detached granite which goes by the appellation of Garfield rock. Its name is derived from tho fact that on tho night before the inauguration of the President, owing to tho action of the weather and other causes it separated itself from tho faro of the cliff and went thundering down the steep sides of the mountain. Nine times it crossed tho trail nnd was finally arrested, being de fleeted from its course by striking an im mense pine, which it nearly cut in two, as if with an ax. Thorn it lies in plain sight, a simple explanation of the disin tegrating processes of nature, and a val uable stimulus to tho observer to engage in geological speculation and research. Tho Garfield rock has loft a picturo on fhe face of the cliff. Where it formerly adhered appears a white spot on a dark ground of granite. Viewed from many points in tho valley this spot bears u suggestive resemblance to the hfcad of Cassar, as seen in tho busts of the immor tal Human. Tho profile is not exact, but the laurel wreath js plainly made out. ? frm Franritwo Chronicle. A Strange Vehicle. A new and strango vohiclo which has made its appcaranco on the Paris boule vards may bq expected in this country in time ami it will doubtless excite much curiosity. It is known as I/I 1 iron - delle, but it has another name in Poland and Hussia, where it has been success fully used. One largo hoop or spokeless wheel, much larger than can be used in any other way, surrounds the driver and his seat, and gives to the vehicle all the advantage of larpe wheels. As it rolls along it keeps 111 motion three small grooved wheels which work upon its inner surface. These wheels an; firmly attached to tho driver's seat, which is also rigidly connected with the shafts. The mnin weight is borne by tho large wheel, but to prevent overturning there are two outriding wheels connected by springs with the driving wheel. The vehicle represents an approximately suc cessful attempt to obtain the ease of friction afforded by a rail for tho ordi nary road vehicle. It Is a tricycle in fact, but a unlcyclo In appearance, and upon smooth surfaces should afford rapid and easy riding. A Horse-Shoo In tho Heart of a Tree. A few weeks since out on the Louis Holliday farm, while engaged in sawing lumber, the saw struck n hard substance, ami stopped. Upon examining tho matter it was found ro have been caused by tho teeth coming In contact with a horse shoo. Tho log squared one foot in thick ness tohero tho shoo was found, and tho li> .1 shoo was oxactly in the heart of tho tree, and at about the distance of six or seven feet from the ground. 'Jim wood had grown over and around tho shoo and the nails, tho latter hnv(ng tho appear anre of being driven into tno wood. The tree from which tho log was taken Is what is known as tho water-oak.? 4 VU (Mo.) Turn. '?.* CATTLE IN A CYCLONE. Corral the cattle ! Fling the lasso far Flank tho wild straggler* ! Storm and sleet botlde. Haste, ho ! And, charging at in mimic wai*' Among tho tawny herd halloing ride. Drive them to aheltor ! Gain tho nearest ranch ! Those midnight masses rising in tho east Botoken that the heavens quick will luunch Bolts, blasts, death-dealing on both man and beast. Hark to the cycloni growling from ths cloud ! The fiery funnel circling fast in rago; Roaring with wind an 1 water thunder loud Whirlwind an I waterspout rude battle w.ige. The warfare of tho Titans, fatal, fiorco ? Tropical f< reos wrestling in the sky Tuny impediments to break and pierce, U froiLng giant tun ks while mailing by Ho ! Hurry toward the kr.ial ? Crowd clo-o ly in I Hn, brave vaqueros, mustang-mounted, hnste ! With whip and rowel an 1 unu-u *1 din Urgo tho herd m ! There is no time to waste. A hundred home 1 heads wrecked upon tho ? plait) ? A score of bronchos writ h'ng on the sod ? The | rairie furrowed by the ruthless train? A d half a do ton h. r.n rs gone to tiod. ? Willnim J ltd I ft, the Cuwboy 1TN E\T I'AJiACRAPllS. Shut n | ? for a season ? The pepperbox. Dm babies With all their faults wo love them -till, n<>t,noi-y. The Missis- ippi ri\er is very low, and ennnot leave its bed.? 1 '<<??'////? '. The dog has qu<er ta>te in matters of dress, lie wear.; his pants in his mouth. ? Miirtlt/h'ii ut . A Little Hock man found a rake of soap, and fordayscarricd it as a curiosity, as nobodv could tell what it was. ? Ikmton /w. When a poor w idow finds a load of wood left gratuitously at her door she can con clude that she has struck a tender chord somewhere.- - T!u .huhje. A Southern paper says: "All tho Alabama factories arc making money." They'll be arrested for counterfeiting if they don't stop. ? Statesman. A health journal advises, " I)o not lio on the left side." This is a very proper admonition. If you are obliged to lie, bo careful and lie on the right side. You will Hud it pays in the end. ? JahccII Citi zen. When a boy receives a long lecturo in Sunday-school on the evil cfTects of smoking, and then meets the superinten dent on Monday morning with a cigar in his mouth, he is apt to think that there is a fraud somewhere. ? Yonkers Gazette. A physician says: '? In buying clothing care should be taken to investigate tho hygroscopicit y of the cloth." Wo always do; but, as singular as it may appear, many persons buy a coat and never give a thought to its hygroscopicity. This is a great mistake. ? Aurrintoicn Herald. Tho Mnall boy sno ikod across tho floor With stop as light ns air : His smiling, face no tia .'es boro Of sorrow or of care ; but. ero he reached tho c!os>sl door, To snatch tho dainties there, His mother's palpitnt ng paw Was fastened in his Imir. ? .Vco York Alf<rnii>g Journal. When Lord Coleridge returns to hi* native 'cath and writes a book about America, we trust he will not say that Chicago is a larger State than Hoboken; that Louisville is an isthnuis that con nects California and Ilartford; that the Hudson river is a beautiful city; that the Alleghanies are a lovely archipelago; and that Idaho is the capital of Brooklyn.? Puck. Cruelty to Animals. A fiery, untamed dudo has been stop ping at tho Sherwood houso lately, and the hoarders havo all noticed him. They couldn't help it, in fact, for tho dudo made himself so prevalent, as it were, that ho attractod tho attention of every body. One sensible old gentleman in particular conceived a great aversion to the dude, and in a rush the other day it happened that. Lark in Wells, tho colored Chesterfield of the dining-room, placed the old gentleman directly opposite tho dude. " Now, sir," said Larkin, " what can 1 order nice for you to day?" " I don't know. What havo you got?" ii Wo'vc got everything. How would you liko sonic nice calves' head soup?" "Calves' head soup," said tho man; and then staring hard at tho dudo, "when are you going to kill him, anyhow?" The entire table "tumbled;" all ex cept the dudo. ? JCwtnurillo Aryan. Husk Heils, A correspondent of JlmmhoUl says tho way to niako a husk bed is to put tho husks into plenty of water and spread them on tho grass to dry, first spreading sheets on tho grass to keep away the in sects, etc., if possiblo. When the husks are dry, draw them through a flax hatchel, or with a fork split them several times to make them softer. Then fill into a bed tick. Don't put in enough to bo hard, but make a good, comfortable bed. Ilavo a slit in the center of the bedtiek, and every day stir the husks up. A but ton and button-hole in the bedtiek will make all secure, and if you wash or scald tho husks every few years they will keep sweet and you will have a cheap and com fortable bed. Madstonoy. Of the madstono, which, in the West, is popularly believed to insure its pos sesses against hydrophobia and death by snake bite, tho Torre llauto says : Madstones are very rare, nwl Very few aro known to exist. There is onri in Pes Moines, one in Keokuk, one in Louisville, and. one in Taylorville, Til. Man J people doubt the stone's existence. Where tho inadstoncs coino from no one seems to know. Their possessors are not able to tell. An old Indian chief said that the stones were found in the stomachs of ex treinely old buck (leers, The stone is porous, and when it is applied to a wound tho virus passes through it into tho bandages. Rhode Island saving# banks, ojipooially in the country, mnko it ? jrule to help every person who haa monoy enough to buy tho land to build a house. This practice has encouraged hundreds of fam (lies in moderate oirfcumstanflos to- acquire homos of their own. Tho number of Italians who emigrated to other countries during the twelve monthn of last year was 161,509 as com - D*r?d with 180,889 in 1MJ.,