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?? '_^^^^^^^^^^^_' _\- . ? ? ?1 ' * ' - ^ ^. ' , ?-1?_ ' l ? -.: -. ? ?? . 1 ? ,:. An independent Family Jonmal?Deroted to Politics, Literature and General Intelligence. HOYT & CO., Proprietors. ANDERSON O. H., S. O., THURSDAY MORNING, MAY 11, 1871. VOLUME 6?NO. 46. - MB. SMALXEY'S LETTERS TO THE NEW YOBK TRIBUNE. _ Columbia, S. C, April 27. ^.It is almost impossible for Northern people to come to any just conclusions 2bc)j3Lfc the present condition of affairs at fife '.South without some personal ob servation and experience of Southern so? ciety South Carolina may be regarded as the typical Southern State. Hero the Southern idea was most fully developed, $pd here the change to the Northern sys? tem of government and society -is most radical, and is attended by the greatest resistance. The only wonder is that this 'Change has been accompanied by so little violence, when it is considered that no civilized community ever underwent so ?ud ien and thorough a revolution in all its social, industrial and political relations. The slaves of yesterday are the masters of to-day ; .and the old, haughty, ruling class is reduced to a condition of political tnfaTdom. In order to comprehend the cause of the present disturbed condition -of the State, it is necessary to consider .the elements of this population and their changed relations to each other. In a total of 729,000 inhabitants, there aro 0 about 425,00Q negroes, who,- as a class, are ignorant,. superstitious somi-barba ? ri&hB,. but little elevated in intelligence abdvo. tboir kindred in Africa. I speak ?T th? great mass of the negroes, of the plantation "field-hands." They are ex? tremely indolent, and will make no exer? tion "beyond what is necessary to obtain food enough to satisfy their hungo'r.^J They rarely commit great crimes, but are I given- to petty thieving to a groat extent. Toward the white man thoy are still deferential and assume an air of abject submission; but thoy are distrustful of the white men, by whom they know thoy are bated. Upon these people not only political rights have* been conferred, but . -ffrey havo absolute political sopremncy. . They are the governing class in South Carolina, and a class more totally unfit to govern does not exist upon the face of the earth. There aro not a dozen highly educated negroes in the whole State, and .the whole number that can read and write ' i^?mjparativoly small.. Not in tho least superior in intelligence or virtue to tho negroes are the poor whites?tho "low dowa people," whoso poverty, 6lupidity ?ipd degradation is beyond tho conception of.any man who has never seen ihom. The}' live in huts, without windows and often without floors. Thoy are totally illiterate, and havo not the slightest do jure for education, or for anything but corn bread, bacon and whiskey. Thoy bate the negroes with a mortal hatred, looking upon thorn as rivals. They arc ltityy vicious, quarrelsome, revengeful, I ?t)d capable of brutal cruelty. Tho edu-1 :* catcd whito men form n third c! a-^?com? paratively small in numbers, but owning all tho property in tho State. To them the present supremacy of the negro race i*n thing unnatural and altogether abomi? nable. At first they looked upon recon? struction as a farco, and believed that a Democratic triumph in 1868 would swoop it all away. Now it is a horrible reality. [From the state of amazement with which J4iey first saw the negroes (whom they I had always regarded as cattle) making jaws, levying taxos, holding office, and ncting as jurymen, they passed into a ] condition of bitterness and rage, of which violence and murders was the natural consequence It would be hard to imagine a state of] society more entirely unfitted for a lio-1 ? publican form of government than this. Tbe^Wtelligent people-of.tho State have no vo:ve in public affairs, and ndipfiuence j in jtbe government, and, are obliged to j snbmft to the rule of a class just released fronfelavery, and incompetent, without J guidance, to exercise the simplest duties] of citizenship. This condition of affairs is so unwholesome and unnatural, and so fruitful of evil, that it is clear that it can? not last. In 1868 the leading white citi? zens !held aloof from conventions and . elections, and the now govern men t com-, nenced with little opposition ; but in 1870, at the next State election, they made . an effort to conciliate >the negroes, and at- j tempted te-oreate a -Udfotra party which should disregard any distinctions of race. . They adopted a platform which fully recognized all the rights the negroes bad gained, and professed no desire ever to in? terfere with them; and they succeeded in inducing a few negroes to accept nomina? tions-on their tickets. The movement failed. The negroes distrusted the sin? cerity of the white mon, and feared to trust toera with power. They went to the Beform meetings, listened attentively .to the persuasions of their former mas? ters, and then voted in a body for iho ."?'?Radical'* candidates. Tho white men "wero greatly enraged at the result. To make matters worse, they bo?evcd that in ?11 the upper counties where the races aro nearly evenly balanced, gross frauds had been committed in counting the votes. Unfortunately they had much reason for this belief. In tho previous winter, the Legislature had passed anowolection law, whicb, without exaggeration, is most outrageous. No more ingenious moasuro could bo contrived to facilitate fraud in -the interest of the dominant party; and thi8 was probably tho purpose of its framers. Undor it provisions tho Gov? ernor appoints three commissioners of elections in each county, who in turn ap? point three managers for ovcry poll; all Tot these are, of course, of one party.? Directly after the polls are closed there is no counting of the voto, but ono of tho managers takes tho bnllot-box and poll list to his house, where ho is permitted to keep them for three days, with nothing whatevor to hinder hinvf'rom putting as many ballots in the box and fictitious names wpon tho poll-book as ho pleases. By the ond of throo days the mantigors take tbo boxes to the commissioners at the county seat. Tbo commissioners may, in turn, keep them five days. The boxes are then opened in private, with no ono present but tho commissioners and their clerk. The votes aro counted and a report made to the board of Stato can? vassers. If the ballot-boxes havo not been sufficiently stuffed by the managers, .the: commissioners have every facility it is no wonder that the "Reformers" be? lieved they had boon cheated through the workings of this unjust law. Another source of irritation was the organization of negro militia companies all over the State, and the refusal of the Governor to permit the whites to organ? ize in a similar way. These companies were powerful as electioneering agencies but entirely weak and inefficient as mili? tary bodies. They oxasperatod the whites by marching to the polls, stacking arms and voting, and then parading tho streets with their guns. Tho arming of the ne groes* as might have been predicted, proved to be mischievous and disastrous. The riots and murders in tho upper coun? try must, in a great part, bo attributed to this cause. The poor negroes suffered ter? ribly. They were whipped, tortured and murdered by scoroe. ; It is estimated that 100 have been killed since the election. After their, defeat at the fall election, the white mon abandoned all attempt at persuasion; and declared that, as their of? fers of conciliation had bcon spurned, they would resort to force. The Kn Klux societies becamo active in-all the districts where th? negroes aro not largely in the majority. Their greatest animosity is now directed against the few white men who accepted offico from the.Republicans, It soems to be their settled purpose to murdor theso men if tbey refuse to resign their offices. As to tho negroes, the Re? formers are satisfied With whipping until thoy promise never to vote another "Radical" ticket. . "-. I have spoken of white men and ne? groes, .instead of using the names of po? litical parties, becaase, practically, party lines are race linos in South Carolina; the w Iii to men make one party and tho ne? groes another; tho number of white men who have joined the latter being too small to be worth considering. There aro scarcoly a dozen native white men who are Republicans from any other motive than gree-d for office, and with a few highly honorable exceptions tho North orn men, who have come hovo, are un? scrupulous adventurers. Tho feeling of the white mon was bitter enough after tho election, but it has boon growing worse ever since. It was found that tho uew Legislature, which mot in tho winter, was more corrupt than its predecessor. Leading Republicans hero tell mo that it was notoriously incompetent and profli? gate. Eighty of tho one hundred and twenty-four members of the IIouso and eleven of the thirty-ono senators wero no groes. Many could not read or write. These negroes, ignorant of all the forms of legislation, could havo dono but little harm had it not been for a few white members, who concocted mischief and in? itiated them into their schemes, telling those who bad f.ome scrupalea that it was the custom ot members of all legislatures to make money outside of their s:>laric8. A final cause of irritation was the collec? tion of taxes, which began in March. Tho rate of taxation was largely increas? ed ovor that of previous years, and tbo property-owners honestly believed that they wore robbed to support tho oxtrava ganceof tho."nigger government,*' which they so cofdially hated, and whose acts of corruption bad been exaggerated tenfold by tho Democratic papers. It will be seen that the condition of af? fairs here could not well bo worse with? out actual civil war. Nothing but fear of the power of tho Government of the Uni? ted States, keeps tho Ku Kins Klan, which numbers amongst its active mem? bers or sympathizers almost ovory whito man ra the Stato, from overthrowing by force the present govornmont of South Carolina, and killing or driving away all its officers. It would be done m a week's time if it woro known that the Federal power .would not crush such a movement; this prominent citizens do not hesitate to say. What makes tho danger greater is the fact that tho white peoplo aro thor? oughly convinced that thoy aro in the rigbt, and-would be justified in using vio? lence to accomplish their purpose. Mean? while, the killing of civil officers, who will not resign when wanted to do so, and the scourging of negroes, continues. Tbo only bopoful sign in tho situation is the disposition recently manifested by a low leaders of both parties to seek^a compro? mise that will give some representation in the Government to tbo whito men, and stop tbo persecution of tbo negroes. A Convention of tax-payers from all parts of tho State is to meet in this city on Tuesday week, and much is hoped from this assembly, which will bring together all tho leading men in tho State. 1 have beard threo plans discussod for harmoniz? ing the conflicting elements. Ono con? templates an educational test for suffrago, on ijie Massachusetts plan. This is ad? vocated by Mr. Mommingerj of Chajiea ton, who Was Secretary of the Treasury for the Confederacy, and it would be ac? ceptable to the educated white men, but would moot with no favor among tho poor whites, who would bo disfranchised to as great an extent as tho nogroos. A second proposition is to so aruond the Stato Con? stitution as to mako the Sonato elected by property-owners alone, and thus establish a chock upon the legislation or tho Lower House. The third plan, and tho ono which sooms now to meet with most fa? vor, is to adopt tho system of cumulaiivu voting and minority representation, which has recently boon adopted in Illinois. A considerable number of Jgading mon of them to tako a turn at the business. both parties say they will bo satisfiod with this plan, which would give the Re? publicans threo-fifths and the Democrats two-fifths of the Legislature. Tho mi? nority would, it Is thought, be sufficiently influential to prevent, reckless legislation. If thi? proposition is agreed upon with unanimity by both parties, there may be peace in the State; otherwise the -pros? pect is very dismal. An Unfortunate Difficulty.?We regret that we have to chronicle this week an occurrence that fatally mars the rep? utation heretofore borne by Ibis commu? nity for quiet and orderly behavior; and we the more regret it for the fact that the difficulty was originated without the least cause of justification. There are various versions of the affair, but wo gather the following as the most reliable : On Monday afternoon, a colored man by the name of Edward Snead went into the store of Mr. H. C. Mark, and callod for pistol cartridges. Tho clerk, who had noticed some previous indica? tions of turbulence on tho part of Snead, very wisely and justly refused to let him have them; at which Snead took offence, and leveling his pistol at tho clerk, pulled the trigger, and tbo ball juBt grazed the head of tho clork. After tho perpetration of this outrage. Snond was taken in charge by one of the City Marshals, but was im? mediately rcscuod by a crowd of his friends. A short time after this, he was again arrested, and while being carried to tho guard house, there woro such strong | evidences of an outbreak on the part of j the crowd gathered around, that His Honor Judge Orr, who happened to be in tho vicinity at tho time, together with several of our prominent citizens, had to interpose for tho preservation of tho peace. During this occurrence, a difficulty took place, by which Mr. Thomas Saxon, who was acting as Assistant Marshal, was vory seriously, if not fatally injured. In performing his duty for the purpose of j quelling the tumult, ho was interfered with by Ike Ross, (colored,) who imme? diately afterwards endeavored to escape by running. He was followed by Saxon, who chased him into a store ; but just as he entered, Ross assailed bira with a brickbat or a rock, and inflicted such se? vere injuries upon him as to place his life in a very precarious condition. Snead and Ross are both in custody, and wo trust that they, as well as any others who woro guilty of aiding in tho outrngcous affair, may havo ample justice metod out to them. Tho offenco is a very grave ono, and the punishment should be such as to tend towards preventing its re? currence.?Greenville Mountaineer. Masonic Funeral.?Wo tako the fol? lowing from tho Charleston Netcs of the 2nd inst. It is highly .creditable to tho Masons of Charleston, and suggestive of J the fraternal fcolings that unite the mem? bers of tbo order in tho acts of generosity and bonevoloncc whonever occasion calls them forth: "While out of town yestor day, tho intelligence reached R. S. Bruns, Esq., deputy Grand Master and deputy Grand High Priest of tho United States, that Brother W. C. Morey, of Boston, had died at the Charleston Hotel. Returning | to the city at once, Mr. Brans found here a telegram from the son of the deceased requesting that the remains should im? mediately be forwarded home. The craft wore, in consequence, hurriedly convoked for the purpose of paying tho last Masonic honors to a dead brother, and the funeral took place at the hotel yesterday-after? noon, Brothor W. B. Yates officiating as Grand Chaplain. Provious'to the reading j of tbo ritual, tho Deputy Grand High Priest delivered a funeral address in which he feelingly alluded to the sad event which had called them together around tho remains of a stranger in a strange land, and dwelt upon the Masonic virtues tbat must always elicit the tribute of af? fection und respect from members of the Masonic order. Agreeably to instruc? tions, tho body was then conveyed to tho Express office, where, in the box tbat on tombed tbe coffin, was placed a Masonic apron, to signify to the brethren in Bos? ton that their deceased friend received ! from tho Masons of tho Palmetto State the fraternal care upon which ho had bo high a claim." Industry.?Man must havo occupation or bo miserable. Toil is tho price of sleep and appetite, of hoalth and enjoymont.? Tho vory necessity which overcomes our natural sloth is a blessing. Tho wholo world does not contain a briar or a thorn which Divino mercy could have spared. Wo aro happier with tho sterility, which wo can overcome by industry than wo could have been with spontaneous plenty and unbounded profusion. The body and tho mind aro improved by the toil that fatigues thorn. The toil is a thousand times-rcnowod by th.o ploasurcs which it bestows. Its enjoymonts aro peculiar. No woalth can purchase thorn. Thoy flow only from tho oxortions which thoy ro ? It is roportod by cablo that Thalberg, the groat pianist, is dead. This eminent mastor .was born in Geneva, Switzerland, January 7, 1812, and was the natural Bon of Count. .Diotrichstcin. Famous as a pianist at the early age of fifteen, his ea roor has boon a long and brilliant ono. In; 1851 ho produced an opera callod "Flor indo," which failed. In 1845 ho marriod a daughter of Lablache., Thnlborg's tour in thiscoantry will long.bo remembered. Tho perfect finish, tho faultloss taste, and tho wonderful execution displayed by him on tho piano have never boon oxcelled. ? Somo girls are liko old muskets; they U80 a good deal of powdor, but won't go off. J ANOTHER PROCLAMATION FROM THE PRESIDENT. Washington, May 4. Tho Act of Congress, enticed "An Act to enforce the provisions of tho fourteenth amendment to the Constitution of tho United States, and for other purposes," -approved April 20, A. D. 1871, being a haw of extraordinary public importance, I consider it my duty to issue this my proclamation, calling the attention of tho people of the United States thereto; en? joining upon ail good citizens, especially upon all public officers, to be zealous in the enforcement thereof, and warning all persons to abstain from committing any of tho acts thereby prohibited. This law of Congress applies to all parts of tho United States, and will bo enforced every? where, to the extent of the power vested in the Executive; but inasmuch as the ne? cessity therefor is well known to have been caused chiefly by persistoni viola? tions of the rights of citizens of tho Uni? ted States by combinations of lawless and disaffected persons in certain localities, lately the theatre of insurrection and military conflct, I do particularly exhort the peoplo of these parts of tho country to suppress all such combinations by their own voluntary efforts, through tho agen? cy of local laws, and to maintain tho rights of all citizens of tho United Statos, and to secure to all such citizens the equal protection of tho laws. Fully sensible of tho responsibility im? posed upon the Executive by the Act of Congress to which public attention is now called, and reluctant to call into exorcise any of the extraordinary powers thereby ['conferred upon mo, except in cases of im? perative necessity, I do, novcrthless, deem it my duty to make known that I will not hesitate to exhaust the powers thus vested in the Exocutivo, whenovorand whorever it shall become necessary to do so, for the purpose of securing to all citizens of the United Statos the peaceful enjoyment of the rights guarnntood to them Ly tho Constitution and laws. It is my earnest wish'that-peace and choorful obedience to law may prevail throughout tho land, and that all traces of'our late unhappy civil strifo may bo speedily removed. These ends can be easily reached by acquiescence in the results of tho conflict, now written I in our Constitution, and the duo and prop? er enforcement of equal, just and impar? tial laws .in evory part of our country. I Tho failure of local communities to fur ! nish such means icr tho ob tain men t of re i suits so earnestly dosirod, imposes upon tho National Government the duty of putting forth all its energies for tho pro I toction of its oitizens, of evory race and color, and for the restoration of peace and order throughout the entiro country. ! In testimony whereof, I havo set my i hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed. Done at tho City of Washington, this third day of May, in the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and seventy , one, and of tho independence of the United States tho ninety-fourth. (Signed) U. S. GliANT. EU KLUX IN FAIRFIELD COUNTY. The following communication from tho Governor has been addressed to the Sher? iff of Fairfield: Executive Department, Columbia, May 2, 1871. To the Sheriff of Fairfield County. Sie: I havo been credibly informed by a number of citizens of Fairfield County, as woll as by your own official communi? cation, that on the night of tho 29th "ul? timo, a body of armed men, in disguise, rode into-*the town of-Winnsboro, and left at tho houses of several County offi? cers a written paper, in which thoy wcro commanded to resign, and threatened with violence if thoy failed to obey. As you are the chief executive* offioor of the County, it is your duty to take measures to ascertain and bring to justice these masked violators of tho public peace, and, for this purpose, you should promptly in? voke all the resources which tho law places at your disposal. In the last rosort, should tho ordinary service of process prove inadequate to make tho necessary arrosts, by roason of any armed combination, you will call out tho posse comitatus. which call, I havo no doubt, will bo rosponded to by all good citizens. In all cases of this character, where citizens are put in torror by armed bands of lawloss mon, it is expoctod that the lo? cal authorities shall exhaust all legal re? sources to give adequate protection to lifo and property, bofore tho State Executive [ can properly intervono by extraordinary 1 exhibitions of force, hitherto unknown to tho administration of the laws is civilized communities. The failuro of tho proper County offi? cers to exert their utmost vigilanco to do tect, and thoir most vigorous efforts to bring to punishment all disturbers of tho poa'co, will bo doemod conclusivo evidonco of their flagrant neglect of duty or ineffi? ciency. It is a gravo reproach to tho peoplo ot Winnsboro, that a band of fifty disguised horsomen should havo been pormitt-od, un? disturbed, to entor tbeir town and occupy it for several, hours, with tho declared pur? pose of putting in terror, or inflicting violence upon tho sworn public officers of tho County. In this connection, it fs propor that I shoul call your attention to tho recent Act of Congross, which makes all citizens, who are privy to any nets of organizod violence, and fail 4o givo any information in thoir possession, that may lead to tho arrest of thoir porpetrators, particcps crimi nis in thoir guilt. R. K. SCOTT, Governor. ? What's tho proper ago of a par6on ? The parsonage, of course. THE POWER OF MONEY. Money is tbo groat motive power which keeps the' machinery of commerce in mo lion, and its possession makes men oithcr miscrablo or happy, accordingly as it is appreciated or used. Money in the hands ot a bad man is a giant power of ovil; whilo in the hands of a good man it is equally strong in an opposite direction. "The love of monoy," says the good book, "is the root of all evil," and this fact is susceptibloof proof without extensive re? flection upon tbo subject. Men love mon? ey, and to obtain it some will resort to means base, unlawful, iniquitous. No man starts out in lifo with tho expectancy to become a thief or a murderer; and yet many, vory many, through an inordinato love of gold find themselves, before they are aware, npon the highway to despera? tion. Murders, except in heat of passion or tho gratification of revenge, for real or supposed injuries, aro not committed morcly for the love of doing the deed, , but as- the necessity in the accomplish? ment of a purpose, into which the desire of money leads them. The concurrent testimony of all thieves is that in thoir robberies it is always desirable to avoid taking life, if it can be done without ex? pense to themselves ; but it must bo done rather than lose tho glittering pile or en j danger their futuro operations in theft. Tho love of gold thon exerts a groat pow : er. It peoples the prisons of the country, endangers society, and causes mourning and distress in the land. Money is a queer institution. It buys provender, satisfies justice and heals wounded honor. Every? thing resolvos itsolf into cash, from stock jobbing to building churches. Chilhood craves pennies; youth aspires to dimes; mankind is swayed by tho mighty dollar. The blacksmith swings the mighty 6ledge, the lawyer pleads for his cliont, and the judgo decides tho question of liberty or confinement, lifo or death, for his salary. Money makes tho man, therefore man must make money if ho would bo respec? ted by fools; tho eyo of tho world looks through golden spectacles. It buys Brus? sels carpets, laco curtains, gilded cornices, rich furniture, and builds marble man? sions. It drives us to church in splendid equipages and settles for tho ront of tho best news. It buys silks and jewelry for "my lady"?it commands the respect cf gaping crowds, and insures obsequious at? tention. It enables us to be charitable, to send Biblos to tho heathens, to romove do? mestic indigence. It gilds the ragged scenery of life, spreads a volvot carpet for tho tired, and encases in gilt frames tho rude and bustling turmoils of exis? tence. It bids care vanish, soothes the anguish of a bod of sickness, and stops not in the accomplishment of any object savo tbat it cannot ward off the grim do 8 troy or, whose relentless hand spares none, Iovcls all distinctions, and teaches poor weak humanity that it is but dust. The helpless and weak pauso on tho brink of otcrnity, the beggar and the million? aire, and when the spirit takes its flight, the ono is as rich as tho other, having been compelled to leave behind all earthly possessions. "Gen. Sherman on the Situation.? During Gen. Sherman's recent visit to Now Orleans, the American Union Club gavo him a formal reception. After re? peated calls, tho General made a speech, which is reported substantially as follows: I bolicvo this Government will keep on growing until it sproads itself over tho en? tire American continent; but it ordor to gain this much dosirod cud, and to main? tain ourselves as a freo and independent republic, wc havo got to show more char? ity toward oach othor. It has been remarked by sorao gentle? man who has preceded mo, tbat it was generally ooncedod by the soldiers of both armies at tho close ot tho lato civil war, that if the questions and all mattors of tho settlement of tho differences between the North and South were left to tho ar? mies, it would bo settled at once, and everything would become quiot and or? derly. I so bolievod, and beforo signing the agreement with Gen. Joe Johnson 1 callod together all tho Genorals undor my command, and without a dissenting voice they agreed with mo. 1 bclievo thoy sur? rendered in good faith, and would have lived up to the vory lettor of tho agree? ment, and in my opinion, if thero had boen no reconstruction acta of Congress, and the armies been left at the timo to sottle all questions of difference between the different sections of the country, tho pooplo would havo at onco become quiot and peacoablo. I probably havo as good means of information as most persons in regard to what is called tho Ku Kluxnnd am perfoctly satisfied that tho thing is greatly ovorcstimatod; and if the Ku Kiux bills were kept out of Congross, and the army kept at their legitimate duties, there aro enough good and true mon in all tho Southern Statos to put down all Ku Klux or othor bands of marauders. ? A young man recently wroto to a Now York paper, asking whether it would bo ndvisablo for him to marry a "young and tender nngcl who had never done hor own washing or dress making." In ro ply, tho editor advisos him to do so by all means, and mentioned a similar caso in his own oxperionco, where tho brido had nevor dono hor owe washing, but after marriage sho became so fond of tho wash-tub, as not only to work for her own family, but for several families among hor acquaintances. ? Tho following remedies aro said to bo valuablo and infallible : For corns, ea? sy shoos; for bilo, exorcise; for rhonma tism, now fiannol and pationcc; for gout, toast and water; for toothache, a dentist; for debt, industry; and for love, matri? mony. ? ALL SORTS OF PARAGRAPHS. ? How to mako a bot bed?set the rnattross.on fire. ? Modesty seldom resides in a breast that is not enriched with nobler virtues. ? Why should young ladies sot good examples ? Because j'oung men are al? ways following them. Mrs. Partington will not allow Ike to play the guitar. She says he had it onco when a child, and it nearly killed him. ? Jt would soom that Gen. Grant's highest ambition is to retire at the end of a second term with "plenty of money and no poor kin." ? Tho chap who took tho thread of life to sew the rent of a house has gono and invented a patent point for cross-eyed needles. ? A Western oditor says that a girl who is now called "a beautiful blonde,1' would, a few years ago, have been termed *'a tow-head." ? "Confusion to the man," said a car? penter, "that invented working by candle? light" "Ay, or by day-light, either," re? plied his apprentice. ? Thore are two places whore mutila? ted currency is. taken?at the post-office and church collections. You can pass it easiest at the latter place. '? Tho girl of tho period is accusod of being too practical. And yet a glance at her chignon proves how fond she is of building castles in the air. ? A Connecticut school boy has writ? ten a composition on the horse, in which ho says it's an animal having four legs, "one at each cornor." ? Tho strongest propensity in woman's nature, says a careful student of the sex, is to want to know what is going on, and tho next strongest is to boss the job'. ? None are so fond-of secrets as those who do not mean to keep them; such persons covet secrets as a spendthrift covets money?for the purpose of circu? lation. ? An exchango says "Grant's adminis? tration is as weak as water." Very tree, and yet it has more whiskey mixed with it than any administration we have ever had. ? "How much did he leave ?" inquired a gentleman of a wag on learning tho death of a wealthy citizen. "Everything," responded tho wag; "ho didn't take a dollar with him!" ? "Here's Webster on a bridge," said Mrs. Partington, as she handed to Ike a. new unabridged dictionary. "Study & contentively, and you will gain a great deal of inflammation." ? A Quaker's advice to his son on his wedding day : "When thee went a court? ing I told theo to keep thy eyes wide open, now that thou art married I tell thee to keep tbom half shut." ? An exchange says : "Wo are in re? ceipt of two poems, one on the throb? bing Brain,' and tho other on a 'Bleeding Heart.' We will wai6 until we receive one on tho 'Stomach Acho,' and publish all three together." ? Mark Twain, in introducing a friend by letter to somo residents of California, asks them to do all thoy con to entertain him, and suggests, among other things, that thoy call out a vigilance committee and hang a man or two. ? "Bachelors," says Josh Billings, "are always a braggin' of their freedom I? Freedom to darn their own stockings and poultice their own shins I I had rather be a widowor once in two years, rogular, than to be a grunting, old, hair-dyed bachelor only ninoty-nino days." ? A Peckskill (N. Y.) pa'por has re? ceived tho following, admonition : "Mr. Editors?What did you print my family mattors in yur paper for it iz none yur bizness if my wife did have twins I pays for them and youl get your head punched 3*ou had bost tend to vor own biziness.? J. P." ? ? Women have a much finer senso of the beautiful than men. They aro by far the safest umpires in matters ot propriety and grace. A mere school girl will be thinking and writing about the beauty of birds and flowers, while her brother is robbing the nests and destroying tho flowers. ? Truth will ever be unpalatable to those who aro determined not to relin? quish error, but can never give offence to the honest and well moaning; for the plain dealing remonstrances of a friend differ as widely from the rancor of an enemy, as tho friendly probe of a physi? cian from the daggor ot assassin. ? Thoy am practicing rhetoric out Wost. A Chicago paper, noticing a "back down" on the part of or.o of its contempo? raries upon somo local is^uo, gets at the point in this way : "It was a reduction, at a single atep4 from the portentous dig? nity of a seeming pestilence to the simple nastinoss of a confessed nuisance." ? A minister found it difficult to got his salary promptly. Latterly, it was much behind. Going to one of his delin? quent parishioners, in the hardware trade, ho lookod over his stock of corkscrews very fastidiously, saying ho wanted ono of peculiar 6ize and strength. To the in? quiry, "What do you want of such none, anyhow ?" the answer was: "My dear sir, I want ono that can draw my salary."? Tho payments come much merepromptjy now. ? Tho Eomo (Ga.) Courier statos that tho pastor of one:of tho colored churches in that city has adopted a novel plan in taking up collections at the close of euch sermon. Ho sends around two hats; one be calls the church, and the other the world. Tho church i? sent to the mem? bers, the world to non-professors. The "world" beats tho "church" in its contri? butions, simply because the "flosh" and tho "dovil" not having a hat of their own, 'throw in all their gifts on> tho worldly side.