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Humorous Hepartmrnt. A FAMILY MAN'S TROUBLES. Mr. Jasper Throckmorton, who lives out on Summer street, is the father of ten children. Yesterday morning Mr. Throckmorton was at the point of putting on his hat to start for the office, when Mrs. Throckmorton called after him from the kitchen : "Stop at Stodder's and tell him to come up and fix the water pipe, and get a big tin dipper and bring it with you this noon. Don't tell them to send it; they'll forget it." Mr. Throckmorton said he would, and then put on his coat and started. As he reached the front door his eldest daughter shouted from up stairs: "Pa! pall pall! Go to Greenbaum & Schroder's and ask Mr. Scott to give you two yards and a half of brown satin, cut on the bias, to match the dress I got last week ; he'll know the kind. Bring it with you. I don't want to wait for it." And Mr. Throckmorton, paused with his hand on the door, said he would get it, and then sighed and opened the door. Just then his eldest son shouted from the sitting room: "Father, the man was up here twice jesterday for the money for my new coat, and I just gave him a note to yon and he'll call at the office to-day for his money, and will give you a pair of patent oar-locks and a dip net. Bring them up with you when you come to dinner." Mr. Throckmorton kind of stifled a groan like, and saying he would attend to it, went on. As he passed down the porch steps his second daughter leaned out of a window and cried: "Oh! pa, do stop at Parson's as you come to dinner and tell him to send a man to lay down the hall carpet when they send it up, and yon get ten pounds of cotton batting and bring it up with you, for we want it right away, and can't wait." The parent paused with his band on the gate latch, and with visible effort promised to remember the errand and bring up the cotton batting, and opened the gate. But the voice of his younger son from the side yard caught his ear and held him for a mo ment. "Pap, oh! pap. Want ten cents to pay for a winder I broke in the school-house, and I can't go to Sunday school till I get a new hat and some shoes ; and please can't I have a quarter to go to the pic-nic ?" Mr. Throckmorton silently registered a flogging for the broken glass, a negative for the pic-nic, and said he would get the shoes and hat. Then he turned to go, but as he turned to pass down the street six younger children came running after him. "Oh ! pa, don't forget to stop and see if the old umbrella's fixed, ma says." "Stop at at the dentist's, and see when he can fix my teeth." "Bring my shoes home from the shoemaker's." "Ma says be sure to tell the doctor to come up to-day and vaccinate the baby." "Pap! Kin I goswimmin in the Hawkeye creek." "Pap, gimme five cents to ride on the street cars ?" And Mr. Throckmorton went down town and amazed Fred Scott by telling him to cut off about thirteen feet of water pipe on the bias, and he asked Mr. Parsons to let him have eleven skeins of cotton batting and send him up a man with a tin dipper; he told Dr. Cochran, the dentist to come right up and fill the baby's teeth, and begged the doctor to hurry right away and put a half sole on the school-house window, and then he ran to the shoemaker's and asked him if he had vaccinated his little girl's shoe, and amazed a street car driver by asking for a bath ticket, and when the man came around with oar-locks and dip net, he told him to take tbem up and lay them in the front hall, the girls would show him where. And by three o'clock in the afternoon it had got all around town that old Mr. Throckmorton had been drinking as bad as ever again, and hadn't drawn a sober breath all day.?Burlington Hawkeye. + ^ * The Deacon Answered.?Up in New Hampshire where i used to live wneu a uoy, (says Gov. Noyes) there was a loud praying old hypocrite, a deal more pious than honest. When he had done any particularly mean thing, he eased his conscience by going into the field, along one side of which was a stone wall, and kneeling beside it, prayed the Lord to topple it over ou him if he had done anything offensive to Him or wrong in His sight. Well, we boys found it out, and one day when we saw the deacon making for the stone wall, we got on the other side and waited. He kuelt down according to his usual custom, and went through his usual formula, closing with the petition to have the wall toppled over if he had done any thing wrong. Aud we toppled it. Jumping out from under the stones, the old man cried, in tones of mingled disgust and alarm? "Good gracious, Lord! Can't you tell when a man is joking?" ? ^ ? T J xL.x A MILE APIECE.?iYir. .uesier saiu iuhi when he was a boy ten or twelve years of age, he was one day standing in Market Square with bis granfather, when four Irishmen came up. One of them asked the distance to Pawtucket. He was told by the old gentleman that it was about four miles. "Well, faith," said Pat, in mock tone of encouragement to his three tired companions, "that's not bad at all?only a mile apiece for us." "Whom do you want to see in Pawtucket?" inquired Mr. Lester, senior. "Bejabers," was the quick reply, "I want to see meself there most of any body." ? ? ^ That Door.?A rheumatic old gentleman, whose son was careless about shutting the front door after him, called out to him one cold day, when he had left the door swinging wide, "See here, young man, you leave that door open too much!" "Do I?" was the response ; "then how much open shall I leave it ?" "I mean you leave it open too often!" thundered the old gentleman. "0! well, bow often shall I leave it open?" politely inquired the son. The father did Dot dare trust himself to reply. Scarce.?The children of a clergyman's family, in Aberdeen, were making themselves happy propounding conundrums. Finally one of them said, "Who was the meekest woman ?" The clergyman seemed struck with a fresh thought, and replied, quickly, "We don't read of any." But madam made herself even with him when she rejoined, with quite as much quickness, "Well, we read of only one such man, and, from the fuss that's made about him, it's plain they're scarce." Bray A man who seemed to be in gieat trouble among a crowd of passengers at '.he Grand Central depot the other day, was ar.ked what was the matter by an officer. "I can't find ray wife," said the man, excitedly. ujArru nhrmtif* tmn'll find h?r nrPH eutly, do doubt," said the officer. "Don't worry!" exclaimed the distraught strauger. "How can I help worrying ? She's got the pocket-book 1" Naming the Baby.?It is sometimes a work of several weeks "to name the baby but here is a case where the right word was gotten without even trying. A youug lady in Woodstock had her Christian name suggested by an exclamation of her graudmother, who, after adjusting her spectacles, to view for the first time the features of the new-born baby, exclaimed, "I declare I" The child was christened, "Ida Clair" figy* Tommy is fond of sugar, and asks his mother for some to eat with his bread and butter. She refuses. He appears resigned, but adds, gravely: "You know, mamma, what happened round the corner? There was a little boy, and his mother would not give him any sugar on his bread and butter, and?and?and the next day he fell into a well." ?fte Jfarm and fireside. A Remedy for Burns and Scalds.?At a recent meeting of the Massachusetts Dental Society in Salem, Dr. G. F. Waters, of Boston, gave a detailed account of a discovery which he has recently made of a remedy for burns and scalds. It was claimed that the application of bicarbonate of soda, which is the simple cooking soda to be found in all households, or other alkalies in a neutral form, would afford instantaneous cessation of pain from the severest burns and scalds, and that in all cases of mere superficial burning, the treatment would effect a cure in the course of a few hours. At the meeting referred to, the practical wftlno nf the remedy was demonstrated bv a test requiriog considerable nerve to put it into operation, and still more faith in the efficacy of the novel treatment which was to be illustrated. The doctor dipped the sponge into boiling water and squeezed it over his right wrist, the water flowing almost completely around the right arm, and nearly encircling it with a severe scald something like two inches in width. Not content with this, he dipped the sponge, a second time, and pressed it closely on the under side of the wrist, for thirty seconds. He then applied bicarbonate of 9oda to the scalded surface, and laid over it a wet cloth, and the intense pain was banished as if by magic. On the next day after this severe test, the scald, with the exception of the part purposely made most severe, was practically healed, only a slight discoloration of the skin showing where the scalding water had flowed?this, too, without a second application of the soda. The flesh on the side of the wrist had been cooked down to the sweatglands, and the scald was one which ordinarily would have caused an open and painful wound of long duration. The only treatment of this, however, after the first application of the soda, was to keep the part moist with a wet cloth, and no pain was experienced, and it was but a few days before this severe wound was seen to be rapidly healing. ?. Simple Cure for Dyspepsia.?Milk and lime-water are now frequently prescribed by physicians in cases of dyspepsia and weakness of the stomach, and in some cases are said to prove beneficial. Many persons who think good bread and milk a great luxury, frequently hesitate to eat it tor the reason that the milk will not digest readily; sourness of the stomach will often follow. But experience proves that lime-water and milk are not only food and medicine at an early period of life, but also at a later, when, as in the case of infants, the functions of digestion and assimilation have been seriously impaired. A stomach taxed by gluttony, irritated by improper food, inflamed by alcohol, enfeebled by disease, or otherwise unfitted for its du ties?as is shown by the various symptoms attendant upon indigestion, diarrhoea, dyspepsia, dysentery and fever?will resume its work, and do it energetically, on an exclusive diet of bread and milk and lime-water. A goblet of cow's milk may have four table spoonfuls of lime-water added to it with good effect. The way to make lime-water is simply to procure a few lumps of unslaked lime, put the lime in a stone jar, add water until the lime is slaked and of about the consistency of thin cream ; the lime settles, leaving the pure and clear lime-water at the top. Great care should be taken not to get the lime-water too strong. Keep to the direction as to the consistency, and when the water rises, pour it off without obtaining any of the lime. The lime-water is also very good to apply to burns and scalds. In slaking the lime, particular care should be taken that none of the particles fly into the eyes.?New York South. ? t ? Cold Feet.?Cold feet usually result from unequal circulation. People of active minds _.-n ii? c ?3 ?1:?<-u? Will geueiBlljr UUU ICIICI UJ VTCOllllg, ail tiuioc, during their mental tasks, a linen or cotton skull cap, frequently wrung out in cold water. The brain is thus cooled, and the blood sent more naturally to the extremeties. A brilliant New York minister was compelled to write his sermons with his feet in a hot bath. A prominent hydropathist advised the wet head-cap, and it worked like a charm, enabling him to dispense with the iuconvenient tub of water. The feet should be washed in tepid water every day or two, but not in water so hot as to make them tender. In concluding the bath, dip them into quite cold water, which closes the pores naturally, and then wipe and rub them entirely dry and warm. When your feet are cold, stop and warm them. No business at the desk, the counter, the bench? no domestic task or conventional circumstances?is of so grave importance as to warm one's feet when they are cold. You can't afford the hazard to health incurred by indifference to the discomfort nature is giving you as a premonition, of danger. Keep your feet dry. If, by accident, you wet your feet, I don't be foolish and sit till death-damp steals your vitals. Exercise common sense and remove the wet stockings. If chilly, take a warm foot-bath, ending with the cold dip and rubbing dry. If, in a judicious way, people would wet their feet oftener?clean up to their ears?it would be better for their health. Cure for Wounds.?As soon as a wound is inflicted get a little stick?a knife or file handle will do?and commence to tap gently on the wound. Do not stop for the hurt, but continue till it bleeds freely, and becomes perfectly numb. When this point is reached you are safe?all that is necessary is to protect it from the dirt. Do not stop short of the bleeding and numbness, and do not on any account close the opening with a plaster. Nothing more than a little simple cerate on a clean - a j j cloth is necessary. >y e nave usea aim seen this used on all kinds of simple punctures for thirty years, and never knew a single instance of a wound becoming inflamed or sore after treatment as above. Among other cases : A coal-rake tooth going entirely through the foot, a bad bite by a suckiug pig, several instances of file shanks through the hands, and numberless cases of rusty nails, awls, etc., but we never knew a failure of this treatment.? Scientific American. Charcoal for Poultry.?Charcoal is so necessary to the healthy condition of fowls, that not to provide it for them is to open the ; way for the appearance of cholera among your | flocks. The Germantown Telegraph says: "If any one will put an ear ot ripe corn into tne fire until the grains are well charred, and then shell off the corn and throw it to his flock, he will see an eagerness developed and a healthy condition brought about which will make a decided improvement. All pale combs will become a bright red, that busy song which precedes a laying will be heard, and the average yield of eggs will be greatly increased. It ; is no trouble and may afford you and your ' flocks the largest amount of good." Improved Starch.?A beautiful finish j can, it is said, be given to articles to be starch; ed by taking one-fourth of a pound of starch and working it over and kneading it with a , little water, then placing five or six pints of | water in a pan and adding to this a very ' small quantity of powdered borax, a small ' piece of sugar and a fragment of white wax [ about the size of a hazel nut, and heating the whole sufficiently, mis water is uieu to uk added to the starch, stirring it continually and mixing#the two together until the whole is as thick as convenient for application. If ! the articles are to be made quite stiff, the ! strength of the starch may be increased two . or three-fold. Shelter.?It is absolutely necessary that animals should be sheltered from damp and ' cold. The reason why pigs or other animals I do not fatten so readily in cold weather as in j the warmer months is, that the food is largely used iu keeping up the vital heat, which is i now given off in excess and lost. If this loss is prevented, animals will fatten iu winter as 1 readily as at any other time. glea(litig fat the j^atrtrath. , CONDUCTED BY REV. ROBERT LATH AN. THE BURIAL OF MOSES. And he buried him in a valley in the land of Moab, over against Bethpeor; but no man knoweth of his sepulchre unto this day.? Deut. xxxiv : 6. By Nebo's lonely mountain On this side Jordan's wave, In the vale in the land of Moab There lies a lonely grave ; And no man dug that sepulchre, And no man saw it e'er, For the angels of God upturned the sod; And laid the dead man there. That was the grandest funeral That ever passed on earth, But no man heard the trampling AM onut tho leoin n?A fnrf b v/l CH*?? mo wain gv ?>'* VM. Noiselessly as the daylight Comes when the night is done, And the crimson streak on the ocean's cheek Grows into the brilliant sun. Noiselessly as the spring time Her crown of vordure weaves, And all the trees on all the hills, Open their thousand leaves; So, without sound of music, Or voice of them that wept, Silently down from the mountain's crown The great procession swept. Perchance the bald old eagle, On grey Bethpeor's height, Out of his rocky eyrie Looked on the wondrous sight. Perchance the lion stalking Still shuns that hallowed spot; For beasts and birds have seen and heard That which man knoweth not? But when the warrior dieth, His comrades in the war, With arms reversed and muffled drum, Follow the funeral car. They show the banners taken, They tell his battles won, And after him lead his champing steed, While peals the minute gun. Amid the noblest in the land Men lay the sage to rest, And irive the bard an honor'd nlace With costly marble dressed, In the great minster transept, Where lights like glories fall, And the sweet choir sings, and the organ rings, Along the emblazoned wall? This was the bravest warrior That ever buckled sword? This was the most gifted poet That ever breath'd a word; ? And never earth's philosopher Traced with his golden pen On the deathless page truths half so sage As he wrote down for men. And had ho not high honor? The hill side for nis pall, To lie in state while angels wait, With stars for tapers tall; And the rocking pines, like tossing plumes, Over his bier to wave, And God's own hand, in that lonely land, To lay him in the grave. tl In that deep grave without a name, w nenct) uis unwuiiitiu Shall break again, most wondrous thought, Before the judgment day; And stand with glory wrapped around On the hills he never trod, And speak of the strife that won onr life With the Incarnate Son of God. O lonely tomb in Moab's land, 0 dark Bethpeor's hill, Speak to these curious hearts of ours, And te ich them to be still. God hath his mysteries of grace, Ways that we cannot tell; He hi'des them deep like the secret sleep Of him he loved so well. * [Original.] SELF-CONFIDENCE. In many of the secular departments and avocations of life, a certain amount of selfconfidence is necessary. In religion, the thing is totally different. In order to succeed in any of the avocations of life, we must possess some confidence in our own abilities. It is, however, not very difficult, even in worldly affairs, for an individual to be too self-confident. In religion, the smallest amount of self-reliance iB ruinous. The moment we con? S .1 . . . , elude tnat we are proor against temptation, we give convincing evidence that we have both been tempted and have been overcome by temptation. Whenever we conclude in our minds that we are eminently pious, it is a fearful proof that the enemy of all good has full control of our hearts. Self-righteous Pharisees are farther from the kingdom of heaven, than sin-burdened publicans. Generally, those who have least piety, make the greatest boast of their religion. The life of every Christian is a life of faith. Self-confidence is the very opposite of faith. The life of the child of God is one of continual dependence. In Christ he lives, in Christ he moves, and in Christ is all his being. In Christ he expects to find an atonement which will take away the guilt of sin ; in Christ he expects to find a justifying righteousness, aud in Christ he expects to find preserving and sanctifying grace. TIL - i -c i L : _L I_:J l no bcrierue ui reuempuuu which is jbiu down in the Soriptures, permits no place for self-confidence and excludes boasting. The only thing in which the believer boasts is in the Lord, and all that he glories in is the cross of Christ. Religious Duty.?Many persons have an idea that they are free from religious duties uutil they agree to be bound by them. They think that attendance upon worship, the support of the church, the avoidance of unprofitable amusements, and the maintenance of high Christian character may be binding upon the acknowledged Christian, but they do not apply to the irreligious man, especially the avowed skeptic. But moral obligation is not created by contract, nor does it depend upon belief. It requires no contract to bring a man within the range of God's physical laws. Disregard of the laws of health is punished, irrespective of the ignorance or disbelief of him who disregards them. Strychnine would kill, even though the victim did not believe in the power of poisou or the fact, of death ; and so of the civil laws. It requires no contract to obligate a man to obey the laws of the State. He may be ignorant of those laws ; he may refuse to nUi, them to mnv Honv their ovigtonoo vet \jyivj J , j they bind him, and for their violation he is justly punished. And so of the moral laws ; it requires no contract to bring man under their authority. By the very nature of his being he is under authority. There can be no evasion of the laws by which God carries on His moral government. They must be obeyed or disobeyed. Among those laws are the duties pertaining to the Church of Christ. That church is a most important part of that moral government. Indeed, it is, on earth, the very embodiment of that moral government. It is the duty of every one to whom that church is presented, to enter it, to sustain it, and to be conformed in i i -i a L: conduct ana cnaraoier iu its leaunuigo. ?uuu of these duties is binding; and the non-performance of the first?that of entering the church?by no means lesseus the obligations of the others; nor does disregard of them all either change their nature or diminish their force. The divine law, which lays these duties upon every one, is an eternal fact; and neither its existence nor its power is in any way affected by men's belief concerning it.? Standard of the Cross. Sudden Visitations op God.?Have not all of us often seen men and women who, though not embittered by a sudden visitation of God, have still been undone by it; have ' lost all hope, all spiritual ambition, and have j given over all struggle for better things in despair? God has come ioto a househeld and i taken from a mother's arms a little one whose I presence transfigured her life. That child ! made the world more blessed. But suddenly j God called it to himself. Do I describe an j ! unusual case when I say that the affliction ; has not embittered her, has not made her skeptical ? But the light of her life is gone, J and she lives henceforth in the past alone. ] She is fitted for no service ; she is a burden j to herself; she finds no joy in the relief of others ; she strives no longer after higher life.! All is gone in the sudden transition from hap- ' i piuess to grief which God appointed. But I j t will not add examples. The subject is one of ! which every day and every condition of life is full of illustration. My one endeavor has j been to place clearly before you this solemn i ; fact and the dangers to your souls in these J I violent changes.?Rev. John Dewitl. ffjpweUatfWtt* |lead!htg. THE ESCAPE. A FAM0U8 RIDE FROM NEW YORK TO KINGSTON. The writer sat in a well known saloon, eating delicious salad and sweltering over a cup of hot tea, when the proprietor stepped up. "The boys have a nice day for their excursion to Kingston," said be. j "They have, indeed. Ever been there ?" "Yes, I took a couple of bank robbers down there about twenty-five or thirty veare ago." "Indeed 1" "Yes, sir. Never told you about that affair, did I ?" "No." "Well, I will. It was?let me see?in 1840. I was working at the Old Eagle tavern; had a couple of fine horses, and for a young man wan rininp a fine husiness. Those davs there was neither railroads nor telegraphs ; the stage coach was the only mode of public travel, and it was the event of the day to see coaches from the West and New York bustle into the tavern yard. You know where the tavern stood, don't you ?" "N-no, I think not." "Corner of Broadway and Hamilton. Well, one cold morning in the middle of December, I was just stepping out from the office to the long wooden verandah, when I noticed two well-dressed gentlemen, each carrying a good sized traveling satchel, hurrying to ward the hotel. One of them addressing me, said "Stage for New York gone yet ?" "Yes, eir.""How, long?"' Morn'n two hours ago." "They were much excited over the news, and asked what they could do to get to New York speedily. I told them I didn't know. The boats had stopped running a month, &! though one of them still ran to Kingston, the river being open that far up. She would leave that evening for New York, and the stage coach which left Albany a couple of hours before would transfer its passengers and mails to the steamer at Kingston. Point. Then the gentlemen said they must get that boat, and asked if I knew of a couple of fast horses in the city, and if they could hire or get a carriage to beat the stage in. It was a matter of life and death, they said, and they would pay any price. I asked what price; and they told me they wonld pay 8600 to beat the stage to Kingston. It was a big sum, and I whistled, but I told them I'd take tbem ; and off I ran I found a friend of mine?Hank Lewis?we hitched up the horses to a four seated sleigh; the two gentlemen bought some whisky, and away we went 'helter split' for Kingston. Lord, how we did go! Two hours behind the stage, and yet before we reached Athens we passed it. Near Catskill the horses gave out completely, and we had to hire a new team. I didn't want to go any further on account of the horses, but one of the gentlemen asked, "what is that team of yours worth ?" "Three hundred dollars," I said. "Drive on," he an swered, "I'll pay for it." Once we tipped over, and half an hour was spent in getting to rights. Then we went at it again, and at half-past 4 we drove up to Kingston Point, where the steamer lay all loaded, but waiting for the Albany mail. The two gentlemen went on board and asked for Captain Dean. He came aft and they told him what they told Lewis and I, coming down. How they resided in Canada, but were the sons of an English nobleman, who had recently died, leaving a valuahle estate. Their presence was needed immediately in London if they would save the estate from a designing relative. The packet sailed from New York for Liverpool on the first tide the next morning. They must get it or wait thirty days for the next ship, and so lose their fortune. They offered the captain S2.000 if he would leave then and there and make certain of catching the ship. "I would like to make that $2,000 gentlemen," said Captain Dean, "but my orders are not to leave till I get the Albany mail, and I cannot assent" They seemed much disappointed, but said : "It couldn't be expected," and then they made themselves agreeable to everybody about. They paid me the 8600 promised, gave me $300 for the lost horses, and gave my driver and the men over $100 each. We waited until the stage came in ; the mails and passengers were transferred ; away went the boat in a hurry. Then we rode Jeisnrely back to Albany, it being a fine night, but before we got there we met the mounted police furiously coming after our passengers, the dead nobleman's bogus sons. They were bank robbers, and those two satchels they had contained over $200,000 in gold and Bank of England notes, the proceeds of a big Montreal robbery. "Did they catch them ?" "Catch'em? No. When the boat started that night they talked with Captain Dean and offered him $500 if he would put them on board of the outward bound ship before he landed, as she would be lying in the channel. Captain Dean accepted, and just at daylight the steamer lay alongside the vessel, and hy the time Captain Dean got to his pier and the passengers awoke, the ship was sailing through the narrows and away to England." "And the robbers were never beard of?" "Never. Why they had a start of thirty days, and being young men then, they are perhaps living in some European country on their ill-gotten wealth. They were smart enough to take us in by their smooth talk and gentlemanly address. Just then the salad was finished, and so was the story. The writer picked up his check and Mr. Veazle walked to another part of the room tosee that his waiters were paying proper attention to other hungry customers. The story has the merit of being literally true.?Albany (iV. Y.) Express. ? MARGARET LAMDRUN. This daring Scotchwoman was one of the retinue of Mary, Queen of Scots, as was her husband, who died of grief on account of his t x?__ \ir x T I ~ tyueen s execution. iuargaret uaiuuruu resolved to avenge the death of both by assassinating Queen Elizabeth; she, therefore, dressed herself like a man, took the name of Anthony Sparke, and went to the court of the English Queen, carrying with her a brace of pistols ; one for the Queen, and the other for herself. But, as she was pressing through the crowd to get near her Majesty, who was then walking in her garden, she dropped one of her pistols. This being seen by the guards, she was seized, and brought before the Queen, who wished to examine the prisoner herself. When Elizabeth demanded her name, country, and condition, Margaret replied with great firmness:? "Madam, though I appear in this habit, I am a woman ; ray name is Margare* Lambrun ; I was several years in the service of Queen Mary, whom you have so unjustly put to death; you have also caused that of my husband, who died of grief to see so innocent a Queen Derish so iniauitously. Now, as I ~ V I a had the greatest love and affection for both these personages, I resolved, at the peril of ray life, to revenge their death by killing you, who are the cause of both. I confess to you, that I suffered many struggles within ray breast, and have made all possible efforts to divert my resolution from so pernicious a design, but all in vaiti; I found myself neces sitated to prove by experience the certain I truth of that maxim, that neither reason nor { force can hinder a woman from vengeance, when she is impelled thereto by love." The Queen heard this bold address with ! composure, and answered calmly :?"You are theu persuaded that, in this action, you have done your duty, and satisfied the demands I which your love for your mistress and your J spouse indispensably required from you; but what think you it is my duty to do to you?' Margaret replied, with ine same unraoveu hardiness: "I will tell you frankly ray opinion, provided you will let me know whether you put this question in the quality of a Queen or in that of a judge?" To which her Majesty replied : "That of a Queen." "Then," said Margaret, "your Majesty ought to grant me a pardon." "But what assurance can you give me," said the Queen, "that you will not make the like attempt on Bome other occasion V' "Madam," replied Lambrun, "a favor given under snch a restraint is no mere a favor; and, in so doing, your Majesty would act against me as a judge." The Queen turned to some of her council and said, "I have been thirty years a Queen, ( but do not remember to have had such a lecture ever read to me beforeand immediately granted an entire and unconditional pardon. Margaret Lambrun showed her prudence by begging the Queen to extend her generosity still farther, and grant her a safe , conduct to the coast of France ; with which request Elizabeth complied. Too Many Zeb Vances.?Among the large number of letters received at the executive office yesterday, was one from a young hopeful from a western county who, as stated in his letter, was 14 years, 6 months and 8 days old, addressed to the Governor and signed i "Zeb Vance." "I am informed," said he, 1 "that you are giving a premium of $5 in cash t.m/l a r~t V\ m /"v m /\ /% a11 Vv/mffl 1l Ir a ttai1 +vta+ l a auu ck uiuuiuw bu on uwjro nao juu biiab 10 named "Zeb Vance," and please send mine by ' post office order at once." The Governor replied to bis young namesake, tbat he bad been incorrectly informed as to the $5 and chromo, but enclosed a neat little keepsake that will doubtless be highly appreciated by the youth- 1 ful Zeb V. We merely publish this little in- | cident as a reminder to the numerous army of Zeb Vances in the State that there is no truth in the report. To send each Zeb Vance in ! the State $5 and a chromo would exhaust the 1 executive in three days time, to say nothing of the fall crop yet to come in.?Raleigh Observer. MMBM???? (Lite ? unfertile inquirer. TEEM8~.IN ADVANCE i One copy, one year. I 8 00 One copy, six months, 1 50 One copy, three months, 1 00 Single copy, 10 Two copies, one year, 5 00 Ten copies, one year, 25 00 To persons who make up clubs often or more names, an extra copy of the paper will be famished one year, free or nherge. YOEKVILLE AGENCY" OF A&RICDLTOR&L AID OTHEB H&CIIIESY. I AM prepared to furnish, at short notice, and on liberal terms, all kinds of AGRICULTURAL MACHINERY, consisting of Engines for Ginning Cotton, Engines ana Saw Mills, Horse-Powers, Sweepstake Thrashers, Eureka Smntters, BOLTING CLOTHS, &C. T have on hand and in Warehouse. WinshiD Gins, Hall's Self-feeding Gins, Needle'Gins, Gin Feeders, Gin Condensers, CENTENNIAL COTTON PRESSES, Sherrer Cotton Presses. Prairie Corn 8bellers, the best at only 50. SASH, DOORS AND BLINDS, i Avery and Cook Plows. Also, the celebrated and much admired STONE PUMP, ! Over forty of these Pumps are now in use in this county, giving entire satisfaction. Also, TIE FOUNTAIN PUMP, A good safeguard against fires. Every Dwelling and Oin House should be furnished with one of them. Price only $10.00. All articles sold by me, are at the MANUFACTURERS' LOWEST PRICES, with freight added. T. S. JEFFERYS, Agent. BLANK BOOK MANUFACTORY STATIONERY. AND BOOK BINDERY. THANKING the public for liberal past patronage, I now invite attention to my complete stock of STAPLE AND FANCY STATIONERY, consisting, in part, of Flat Papers, Midium, Fo ? R r .44. J \T.4A I5U?1, lio fost, uemy, ijeuor anu humj. uiwi& uuuan, of avery variety; Envelopes, Slates, Ink, Ac, Fancy Stationery, Gold Pens and Pencils, PenKnives, Writing Desks, Ac. Also, BOOK BINDING DONE, in all its various branches. Sheet Mnsic, Periodicals, Law Books, Ac., bound in any style desired. Old Books rebound and repaired. PRINTED BILL AND LETTER HEADS A SPECIALTY Orders promptly attended to, at lowest cash prices. E. R. STOKES, 155 Main Street Columbia, S. C. August 16 63 tf ETTENGER & EDMOND.! RICHMOND, VA. MANUFACTURERS of Portable and Stationary Engines, Boilersof all kinds, CIRCULAR SAW MILLS, Grist Mills, Mill Gearing, Shafting, Pulleys, <fec., American Turbine 1 WATER WHEELS, and Cameron's Special Steam Pump. Send for Catalogue. WM. ETTENGER. H. P. EDMOND. November 2 44 ly "BARNES' FOOT POWER MACHINERY. ft THIRTEEN different machines with which JLA J Builders, Cabinet Makers, Wag f T on takers, and Jobbers in MiswSSmm cellaneous Work can compett \ QUALITY AND PRICE, \ w.tjj gteam power Manufactu- ] ring; also, Amateurs' Supplies, Saw Blades, Fancy Woods and Designs. Say where you read ( this and send for Catalogue and Prices. W. F. ?fc JOHN BARNES, I Rockford, Winnebago County, 111. June 7 23 10m ^SsmFOR \ April 5 14 ly* ~ NOTICE. ; I RESPECTFULLY inform the public that I am prepared to sharpen razors, scissors, shears and otner fine-edged instruments. Prices?for honing and sharpening razors, 25 cents, and for sharpening scissors or shears, 10 cents each, and j satisfaction guaranteed or no charge. TOM BALLARD, Barber. , November 30 48 tf | WRAPPING PAPER. j OLD Newspapers, of large size, suitable for 1 wrapping, for sale at f>0 cents per hundred, 1 at the ENQUIRER OFFICE. 1 SERGEANT & GREENSBOI MANUFACTURERS OF " TROPIC " COO] T. M. DOBSON & CO., Agents JOHN R. LONDON, Agent, B A. F. LINDSAY, Agent, McCo J. L. CARROLL, Agent, Chest August 2 THE COLUMBIA REGISTER, PUBLISHED DAILY. TRI-WEEKLY AND WEEKLY, at COLUMBIA, S. C., by HOYT, EMLYN & M'DANIEL. JAMES A. HOYT, Editor. THE DAILY REGISTER contains the latest news of the day, all commercial, political and other matter sent by telegraph, full focal reports, editorials npon all current topics, and GRANGE AND AGRICULTURAL DEPARTMENTS. The Daily has a circulation extending to all parts of the State, is circnlated in nearly every State in the Union, and is constantly increasing ; therefore as an advertising medium it cannot be surpassed. rncrt' TT>T_wwi?.irT,V RFOTSTER is issued every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday morning, and contains ail the news of two days in one issue. THE WEEKLY REGISTER is an EIGHT PAGE paper, containing forty-tight columns, embracing the cream of the news of each week. This paper is within the reach of every family, and we are pleased to state the fact that its large circulation is rapidly increasing. THE REGISTER is rum the Organ of the State Orange, and all matters of interest to the Patrons of Husbandry will be treated in their appropriate department, The Agricultural and Grange articles will appear in each oi our publicationsDaily, Tri-Weekly and Weekly. TERMS OP SUBSCRIPTION. DAILY REGISTER. One year, $7.00 Six months. 3.50 Three months, 1.75 TRI-WEEKLY REGISTER. One year 5.00 Six months, ; 2.50 Three months 1.25 WEEKLY REGISTER. One year, 2 00 Six months. 1 00 Three months, - 60 May 31 22 tf ffiAirri nnnv Di?fiTf M. All.Mid M. MJLM2J J. lsrr-r?. TEE CBRQIICLE AID COISTITOTI0IALIST. CONSOLIDATED MARCH 17TH, 1877. is the Oldest and Beet Newspapers published in the South. It is the only Newspaper published in the City of Augnsta?the leading Railway and Manufacturing centre of the South?and the only Newspaper published in Eastern Georgia. The Chronicle and Constitutionalist has a very large and daily increasing circulation in the States of Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina, and reaches every class of readers?merchants, farmers, professional men and working men, and is a most valuable advertising medium. The DAILY Chronicle and Constitutionalist publishes all the current news of the day, receives all the reports of the Associated Press, and special dispatches from Washington, Atlanta, Columbia, ana all other points of interest, supplemented by correspondence. It gives full commercial reports of domestic and foreign markets, of all local and Southern matters, and editorial oomment upon public affairs. Terms: $10 for 12 months, $5 for 6, $2.50 for 8, and $1 for 1 month, postagejndd by us. The TRI-W'EEKLY Chronicle and ConstituHnnaliat nnntalna two dftVS* news of the Dailv. Terms : 95 for 12 months, $2.50 for 6, postage paid by us. " : The WEEKLY Chroniole and Constitutionalist is a mammoth sheet, and the largest and handsomest Weekly published in the South. It contains all the news of the week?telegraphic, local, editorial, miscellaneous?and carefully prepared reviews of the market This edition is gotten up for circulation among planters and others living in the country. Terms : $2 for 12 months, |1 for 8, postage paid by us. The Chronicle and Constitutionalist is the paper for the merchant, the planter, the lawyer, the mechanic, the politician. It is a paper for the office, the counting-room and the family circle. Specimen copies sent free. Address, VJ7ATQU Jh WRTOHT JW rv iwu cm/ ?i **? Managers, Augusta, Ga. August 80 35 tf PRICES REDUCED. "THE FAMILY FAVORITE" IMPROVED NEW MODEL MACHINE. Light-Running, Noiseless, No Gears, No Cams, No Springs, New and Elegant Styles of Wood Work. From this date, by the expiration of Patents under which we have been paying royalties, we ire enabled to sell our machines at BREATH REDUCED PRICES, and as low as those of any first-class machine. Send for Circulars and Price Lists. WEED SEWING MACHINE COMPANY, BALTIMORE. MD. YORK MARBLE YARD. rHE undersigned is still oonnucung ue marble Business in Yorkville, and would respectfully inform the public that he can supply ;hose in want of MONUMENTS or HEADSTONES with anything in his line, and at the lowest cash prices. Monuments designed and finished in the most elaborate style, and in point of workmanship and materia] warranted equal to the work of any establishment in the country. Head aud Footstones, in various styles, from plain to highly-carved work, furnished at short notice, and satisfaction guaranteed. Specimens usually on hand, to an inspection of which, those in want of marble work are respectfully invited. Estimates and any other desired information cheerfully given at any time. Work delivered at any point on the Chester ind Lenoir Narrow Gauge Railroad, between Chester and Dallas, or at any place between Rock Hill and Winnsboro, on the Charlotte, Columbia and Augusta Railroad, free of charge for MtiomrfaHmi Thankful for the patronage heretofore bestowed ipon my establishment, my determination is to nerit a continuance of the same. P. HAPPERFIELD. March 9 5 ly CLEANSING AJTD BEPAIRIN& THE undersigned would respectfully in farm the public that he is prepared to cleanse garments of any fabric whatever, rendering them perfectly clean, and if unfaded, restoring them to ;he original brightness and lustre of the goods. Do not throw away your old clothes, but have ;hem cleaned and made to look as well as new. (York promptly done, and at the most reasona}le prices. THOMAS BALLARD. ; McCAULEY, no. w. c., THE CELEBRATED IING STOVES! PRICE GREATLY REDUCED on Cooking and Heating Stoves, Hollow Ware, And-Irons, and Castings of all kinds. Also, on 'PLANTER'S PRIDE' PLOWS and Plow Castings, STRAW CUTTERS, Corn Shelters, JpHg HORSE POWERS, Saw Mills, 4c. , Yorkville, S. C. ,ock Hill, York county, 8. C. innellaville, York county, S. C. er, S. C. 31 tf OUR PREMIUM OFFERS. CLUB BOOKS TET OPEN ! WITH the view of accommodating a number of club-makers, whose clube for the current volume of the ENQUIRER are not as large as they desire, as well also as to extend to all who may desire it the opportunity of obtaining the paper at club rates, we have decided to keep open our club books until the FIRST MONDAY OF NOVEMBER NEXT. Until that date, subscribers will be received through club-makers, who obtained lists under our previous offer?the clubmakers being duly accredited with all names they may return under the present proposition, which names will be added to their former lists. New clubs will also be received from those who may \ desire to obtain any of the elegant Premiums we offer for such service. In this connection we would again invite attention vto our LIST OF PREMIUMS, The articles comprising which have been adopted by us with special reference to securing only articles of value, and which will prove serviceable to those procuring them. The regular retail price is given with each, and they are just as good as so much cash to those who receive them. All o-fl nn? Hnvn fri nilr onliAilnla af mart. ufacturers' regular retail prices, and cannot be bought with cash any lower than the prices here given. Premiums Nos. 1,2 and 3 will be delivered through the mails, to persons entitled to receive tbem, flee of cost. The other Premiums will be delivered at the expense for height charges, of those reoeiving them. In cases where Premiums can be delivered at oar publication office, arrangements may be perfected for rednoing the freight charges on small articles to a nominal amount. The charges for freight on the Silver Ware and Cutlery Premiums will be from New York ; on the Cooking Stovee from Greensboro, N. C.; and on the Sewing Machines from Baltimore. Md. OUR LIBERAL OFFERS. 'No. 1.?For a club of 4 subscribers, at $2.60 each, we will give a treble silver-plated BUTTER KNIFE, worth $1.00. No. 2.?For a club of 8 subscribers, at $2.50 each, we will give one copy of the family edition (cloth binding) of SMITH'S ABRIDGED BIBLE DICTIONARY, the publisher's price of which is * $3.50 per copy. Or for $4.50 we will give a copy of the Bible Dictionary and send the Eitqotbbb one year to any single subscriber not In a club. No. 8.?For a club of 10 snbacribers, at $2.50 each, we will give a copy of the ENQUIRER one vear, or a set of six treble silver-plated TEA SPOONS, worth $3.00. No. 4.?For a club of 15 subscribers, at $2.50 each, we will give one set?six of sad}?Hard Rubber-Handle TABLE KNIVES AND FORKS, the manufacturer's price of Which is $5.00. No. A?For a dub of 16 subscribers, at $2.50 each, we will give either a treble silver-plated SYRUP CUP. worth $6.00; or a set of six treble silver-plated TABLE SPOONS, worth $6.00. Wa A ?a rtlnK nt lfl inhanrlhAn at each, we will give a treble silver-plated ^ UTTER DI8H, worth $8.00. No. 7.?For a club of 20 subscribers, at $2.50 each, we will give one set of six solid cast steel oval-handle TABLE KNIVE8, and one set of six treble silver-plated TABLE FORKS, the manuihcturer's price of which articles 1s $10.00. No. 8.?For a club of 80 subscribers, at $2.50 each, we will give a full set of extra superfine, full oval ivory-handle TABLE KNIVES, with silver?lated blades, and a ftall set of treble silver-ulated 'ABLE FORKS, the manufacturer's price of which articles is $15.00. No. 9.?For a olub of 40 subscribers, at $2.50 each, we will give one No. 8 TROPIC COOKING STOVE, with pipe and a full set of fixtures, the manufacturer's price of which is $80.00. No. 10.?For a club of 40 subscribers: at $2.50 each, we will give one three-quart, treble' silverplated COMMUNION SERVICE, consisting of ? SIX pieces, worth $40. ;. ; No. 19.?For a club of 55 subscribers, at $2.50 each, we will give a WEED SEWING MACHINE, Walnut Plain Half-Case, with two Drawera and Drop Leaf, the manufacturer's price of which is $75. Specimens of the Sewing Machines, and nearly all the other articles included in the above premium list, can be seen and examined at onr Bnblication office; and in all cases we guarantee lat the Premiums furnished to those entitled to receive them, will be equal to the specimens shown . I . TERMS AND CONDITIONS. It is not necessary that the names of a club should all be at the same post office. Names may be taken at any number of places if they are all returned by the name Club Agent. One name for two yearn, will be equivalent to two names for one year each. The time for completing elubs under the above offer in limited to the FIRST MONDAY OF NOVEMBER, 1877, bv which time the names with the cash, should be returned to the office, though names may be returned at Any time tietween this and the above date. No premium will be delivered until the requisite number of names has been returned, and the fall amount due for them paid. All subscriptions must be forwarded to us at the expense of those sending them. In send.og names, write plainly, giving connty, post-office and State. All subscriptions will be discontinued atthe expiration of the time paid for. All subscribers to the Enquirer wiH receive the paper free of postage. I Persons entitled to receive Premiums, must give fail directions as to whom and how they shall be delivered. A separate list will be kept for each dnb-maker,. who will be credited with everv name sent, so that the number returned by any person can be ascertained at a moment's notice THE TIME OF 6L0SIN8. Club-makers, and those who may wish to form clubs, should bear in mind that the offers we here present do not invite competition for Premiums, as in the case of working to secure the largest club. Each club-maker sending the requisite number of subscribers will obtain the Premium offered for the specified number. The time, however, for completing a clnb is limited, under the present offer, until the FIR8T MONDAY OP NOVEMBER, 1877. Names may be sent In at any time prior to the above date. Send the names as fast as obtained, accompanied with the cash, and the Premium will be delivered when the requisite number of names has been returned. DESCRIPTIVE LIST. * * '" lUi I, : . % Our Cooking Stove Premium. . .. The elegant Cooking Store* which we offer u Premium*, are manufactured by Messrs. Serjeant fc McCauley, at Greeneboro, N. C. These Stove* an nude of the beat Scotch pig metal, with heavier and thicker plate than any other Move in the market, and consequently will the longer withstand heat and hard urafe. They an of a hand Kane pattern and neat finish, and warranted equal In point* of appearance, durability and rape rior cooking qualities, to any Stove manufactured In the Union. Theatnve we hav selected to jive as a Premium Is the largest site marie by the manufacturers, and with each noewili be furnished, without charge, three joints and one elbow of pipe, and all the necessary cooking utensils, via.: one ham boiler, one bulge pot and cover, one tea kettle, one round faying pan, one long faying pan, one round griddle, one pair waflle iron*, two sheet " ^ Iron bread pans, one scraper and one lifter. Over nvu thou and of these stover are la use in Virginia and North and footh Carolina, and they give universal satisfaction. The stoves will be shipped to those entitled to receive them as Premiums, direct from the manufactory In Greensboro N. C. Sewing flackiae rretnmm. The ?uperior Sewing Machine we offer as a Premium, la the well-known Weed Machine and ta manufactured by the Weed Sewing Machine Company, Hartford, Coon. U la adapted to all the want* of family sewing; it can be readily comprehended by any one; It rana eaaily; la aiwaya ready; will do any and all kind* of sewing with leaa changing and rewer extra attachment*; 1* aelf-adjoating; ia a two-thread Machine, making an Elaatie Lock-Stitch; a tan da aoild and Arm, with long and roomy folding able, and baa the convenience of two draw en. Several of there Machine*, during the paat year, have been delivered to peraona who have returned the requisite number of name*. Smith's Bible. Dictionary* Tbia Dictionary la the work of Dr. William Smith, of the Untveraity of London, and the moat eminent lexicographer In the world, who, In it* preparation aaaoclated with himself over seventy distinguished divines and authors, of both Europe and this country, In the great task of preparing a comprehensive Dictionary of the Bible, and supplying a want long felt by the religious public. The result or these labors appeared ia three large and very costly volumes, a wonderful monument of learning. An abridgement of this great work, for popularaae, made by Dr. Smith blmaelf, la the one we have arranged to furnish oar subicrlbera. The book contains every name in tbe Bible respecting which anything can be said. It embraces tbe results of historic research, antiquarian investigation, tbe study of languages and dialects, and the discoveries of the modern travelers and explo rent In the Holy Land?Robinson, Bawllnson, Ferguson, Lay ard. Offertand Stanley. The book is printed from new stereotype plates, on good paper, and is appropriately illustrated with over 195 F.ngravings of beautlfal Scenes, Ancient Cities, and Memorable Places of the Holy Land, descriptive Figures and valuable Map*. It contains nearly 800 closely-printed, doublecolumn, octavo pages, including 94 elegant fttll-page, Steel and Wood Engravings. It Is printed in type of a heavy, distinct, and very legible fhce. The publisher's price of tbe Dictionary la Three-Quart Communion Set. Churches unsupplied with a Communion Set appropriate to tbe requirements of tbe sacred rite of administering tbe Lord's Supper, can, by our Premium arrangement, secure a One, treble silver-plated three-quart Communion Set of six pieces, with little trouble, and, comparatively, at no cost. Tbe number of subscribers required in order to secure this valuable and elegant Ser vice can be procured in almost any congregation; and the members who may be thus called upon to contribute their share ol the expense, will receive In return more than the value of their contribution In a year's subscription to the paper. Oar Silver Ware and Cutlery Premiums. With the very liberal offer which we are enabled to make, a beautlfhily furnished table Is now within the reach of almost every house-keeper; and here is an opportunity, of which, If the ladles avail themselves, they may seenre, with but little rrouble, a valuable set of Silver or Cutlery. Those articles are made for us by the Lucius Hart Manulkcturlng Company, 99 Fulton street New York, and are warranted to be of the best material. Value of our Premiums. ' We would Impress upon every one the fact that all of our Premiums are first-class good*, and the price* attached in them In our lists are the regular retail prices at which the articles sell by all dealers and the manufacturers themselves, ft I* ouly by the most advantageous terms given us by the manufacturer* that we are enabled to make the liberal offers we do, and we guarantee every article to be exactly n* represented. A Club and an Extra Copy. For a club of tck subscribers paid In advance at the regular club rates, we will give, instead of a Premium, an extra copy of the paper to any who may prefer that arrangement; but in consequence of the liberal Premiums we are now offering, we cannot afford to give an extra copy to the dub-maker woo receives any Premiums enumerated on our list. Terms of Subscription--Free of Postage. Single copy one year, |3.00. In clubs, each subscriber, per year, $2.50. Money may be forwarded at onr risk by draft, post-omce order or registered letter?otherwise we will assume no risk. Write names plainly, giving post-office, oonnty . . and State. Aadress all letters to ? L. M. GRIST, Publisher, Yorkville, S. C.