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Humorous fjcpartment. JOSH BILLINGS. WHAT IIE KNOWS ABOUT HOTELS AND HOTEL KEEPERS. Hotels are houses ov refuge, homes for the vagrants, the married man's retreat, and the 1 bachelor's fireside. i They are kept in all sorts ov ways; some : upon the European plan, and menuy ov them ] on no plan at all. A good landlord iz like a good stepmother? < he knows his bizzness, and means to do his duty. He knows how to rub his hands with joy ' when the traveler draws nigh ; he knows how ' to smile; he knew yure wife's father when he s waz living, and yure wife's fust husband, but < he don't speak about him. , He kan tell whether it will rain to-morrow ( or not; he hears yure komplaints with a tear in his eye; he blows up the servant at yure \ suggestion, and stands around reddy, with a ' shirt collar az stiff az broken china. 1 A man may be a good supream court i judge, and at the same time be a miserable | landlord. I Most everybody thinks they kan keep a . hotel?and they kan ; but this ackounts for the grate number of hotels that are kept on ^ the same principle that a justiss ov the peace i offiss iz kept in the country during a six days' s jury trial for killing somebod'y yello dorg. t A hotel won't keep itself, and keep the ' landlord too, and ever kure a traveler from j the habit ov porfane swearing. I have had this experiment tried on me several time3, and it alwus makes the swares 1 wuss. 1 It is too often the kase that landlords go ( into the bizzness ov hash as ministers go into t the professhun?with the very best of motives, } but the poorest kind of prospecks. I dont kuow ov enny bizzness more flat- s tersum than the tavern bizzness. There don't ( seem tew be ennything tew do but tew stand c in front ov the register with a pen behind the i oar onrl coo that tha rrnocfa on tor thomcolfsl n.7. VU1 J UUU dVV tliUU 1/ilV gUVOM VU bVA WUVtUOVHW "? soon az they enter the house; then yank a bellrope six or seven times; and then tell John tew sho the gentleman tew 976; and then take four dollars and fifty cents next morning from the poor devil ov a traveler and let him went. This seems tew be the thing?and it is the whole thing in most cases. Yu will diskover the following deskripshun a mild one ov 9 hotels out ov 10 between the Atlantik aud Pacifick Oshuns, akrost the United States in a straight line: Yure room iz 13 foot 0 inches, by 9 foot 7 inches, parallelograraly It being court week (az usual,) all the ' good rooms are employed bi the lawyers and ( judges. s Yure room iz on the upermost floor. The carpet iz ingrain?ingrained with the dust, kerosene ile, and ink-spots ov four generashuns. Thare is two pegs in the room tew hitch coats onto, one ov them broke oph, and the other pulled out, and missing. The buro haz three legs and one brick. The glass tew the buro swings on two pivots, which hav lost their grip. Thare is one towel on the rack, thin, but wet. The raiu-water in the pitcher cum out of the well. The soap iz az tuff tew wear az a whet- c stone. t The soap iz scented with cinnamon ile, and c : ...m viiriagiueu wnu spuu?. ^ Thare iz three chairs, kane setters ; one iz a rocker, and all three are busted. Thare is a match-box, empty. ^ Thare iz no kurtin tew the windo, and t thare don't want to be enny; yu kan'tsee out, i; and who kan see in ? a The bell rope iz cum oph about 6 inches s this side ov the cealing. . The bed is a modern slat-bottom, with two . mattresses, one cotton and husk, and both 1 harder and about az thick az a sea-biscuit. 11 Yu enter the bed sideways, and kan feel t every slat at once az easy az you could the r ribs of a grid iron. r The bed iz inhabited. c Yu sleep sum, but roll over a good deal. For breakfast yu hav a gong and rhy coffee tew kold tew melt butter, fried potatoze which 1 resemble the chips a two-inch auger make3 in ? its journey thru an oak log. 'J Bread solid ; beef-stake about az thick az a c blister-plaster, and az tough az a hound's ear. c Table covered with plates, a few scared-to death pickles on one ov them, and t> tly-en- " dorsed crackers on another. A pewterinktom castor with three bottles in it, one without any mustard, and one with two inches ov drowned flies and vinegar in it. Servant gal, with hoops on, hangs round you earnestly, and wants tew know if yu will take another cup ov koflfee. Yu say, "No mom, i thank yu," and push back yure chair. Yu haveut eat enuff tew pay for picking yure teeth. I'm about azself-konsaited as it will do for a man tew be and not crack open, but never yet konsaited that I kould keep a hotel. I'd rather be a highwayman than to be sum landlords I have visited with. Thare are hotels that area joy upon earth ; whare a man pays his bill az cheerfully az he did the parson who married him ; whare you kan't find the landlord unless yu hunt in the kitchen; whare servants glide around like angels ov mercy ; whare the beds fit a man's back like the feathers on a goose ; and whare the vittels taste just as though yure wife or yure mother had fried 'em. Theze kind ov hotels ought to be built on wheels, and travel around the kuntry. They ' 11 /? i n i it t !_! are az phuil or rear coraiorc as a inanasgiviiig j pudding; but alas! they are az unplenty az , double-yolked eggs. A WITTY REBUFF. < The following is narrated by a correspondent of tha London Spectator, which he says ' is true: Two persons, secently met before a first- ] class audience to discuss the question of Responsibility. The atomic philosopher went 1 in first, and showed that the popular religious notion of judgment to come for deeds done in 1 the body was inconsistent with any notion { that can be formed of judical righteousness. The first principle of justice is not to punish . one person for the faults of another. But, said the lecturer, science has proved beyond doubt ( that at the end of a few years not a particle in my body or brain remains ; every atom has 1 passed away, and the new matter forms a new f man, who cannot be held accountable for the i, conduct of another. I The audience seemed enchanted as that j which listened to Prof. Tyndall, at Belfast. 11 Then arose the city missionary, whose wits I ] must have been lively, and said : j1 "Ladies and gentlemeu, it is a matter of re-1 ] gret to me that i have to engage in discus- < siou with a man of questionable character; < with one, in fact, who is living with a woman c( to whom he is not married." Up rose, in wrath, again the materialist. j ~ "Sir, this is shameful, and I repudiate your 1 insolent attack on my character. I defy you i to substantiate your charge. I was married to ! I my wife twenty years ago, and we have livedi happily together ever since. This is a mere : ( attempt at evading the force of the argu-! ment." "On the contrary," replied the city mission-' ary, "I re-affirm my charge. You were never 1 married to the person with whom you are liv- ( iug. Twenty years ago two other people may I have gone to church, bearing your names, j but there is not one atom in your bodies re- ( raaining of those which were then married. It follows inevitably that you are in concubinage, unless you will admit that you are the same man who was married twenty years since." The philosopher was compelled, amidst great cheering, to allow that, somehow or other credit and discredit for past actions must i he granted, even by materialists. i Jlgwttltol JJcpatttticnt. [Original.] WAGONS. There is no raore useful thing on a plantation than a good wagon. It is generally thought that wagon-makers understand the philosophy of building a wagon so that it will run light, bear up a heavy load, aud last a long time. This is a great mistake. Many wagon-makers know very little about a wagon. They of course understand when the work is done in a neat, workmanlike manner; but that is about all they do know. The first thing necessary to a good wagon, is that it be strong. A weak wagon will always run heavy, especially if the weakness be in the wheels or ixletrees. In order to have a strong wheel, the hub must be large. The hub of a two dorse wagon should be eight or nine inches n diameter, and of good sound wood, well oanded on each side of the spokes. The felloes, an important part of a wheel, should ae deep rather than broad, and made of tim jer not liable to crack. The spokes should je of good sound white oak, well seasoned. So man can put up a wheel that will stand f he has not well seasoned timber for the ipokes. The wheels should be bound up with i heavy tire a little wider than the felloes. This will protect the felloes from wear. The ire should not be much wider than the feloes, otherwise it will drag up a large quanti;y of mud. A wheel without any dish, on evel road, will bear up more than one with lish; but on hillsides, the dish is an advanage. It adds to its strength, and also presents the oversetting of the wagon. The ixletrees, if made of wood, should be made )f the best hickory, and so constructed that m level road the% wheel would stay on for niles if there were no liuch pin in the axle joint. It must not, however, be so constructed that the wheel will incline to rub all the :ime on the shoulder of the axle point. This would create unnecessary friction. If iron ixletrees are used, they should be rather too arge than two small. For a two horse wagju, a two inch axle is small enough. The jther timbers, if they are well ironed with jood tough iron, should be as light as possijle. The whole should be well painted and cept out of the weather when not in use. For jrdinary plantation work low wheels are bet,er than high ones, and of course stronger. q rvonoral Aaflont nf WQfrnnQ ia t.hp.v arfi ?v*vv" v* ? ?j :onstructed ou too light a scale, of bad, unieasoned wood. [Original.] FARMING-PROFITABLE. The impression is very general amongst Southern people that farming is not, as a rule, >rofitable. In fact, although the South is learly an exclusively agricultural country, he opinion is very common that farming is he least profitable of all occupations. The oungmenof our country, who are ambitious o acquire a fortune and enjoy the position n society which wealth gives a man, are disouraged from cultivating the soil. When ???J ~ Inilim'dnn Ir. in If V? n a ufcjy reau auuuuuia ui luiuviuuaio nnu uu apital to commence with, amassing vast foruues in a few years by merchandising, the onclusion invariably arrived at is, that the test and quickest way to grow rich is to go o merchandising. This is only another case which individuals are deceived by out-side .ppearances. It is true, that in some intauces, merchants grow immensely rich in a ew years; but what is gained in haste is lost n permanency. Those fortunes that grow ip so rapidly are generally wanting in duralility. They rarely pass through three geneations. But is it true that farming is not >rofitable in the South ? Let the facts in the ase answer the question. About one hundred and. fifty years ago the ipper and middle sections of the State of jouth Carolina, were permanently settled, fhe first settlers were all poor. A majority >f them came from Ireland, either directly, - p ,1 _ ..I J iL?? >r first to some 01 me outer oiuies aim wen o South Carolina. All that most of them >osses3ed in their native country was expended n bringing them to America. What little jroperty was accumulated previous to the evolutionary war was almost totally desroyed by that event. For many years after he war the means of accumulating property vas very bad. Really, the settlement of south Carolina, so far as accumulating prop:rty is concerned, commenced with the close >f the revolution ; about ninety years- ago. it is a notorious fact that the people of South Carolina are an agricultural people. Up to vithin a very short period, absolutely and sxclusively agricultural, if we except the jrist mill and saw mill and cotton gin. In sach county there have been a few individuals mgaged in merchandising. These, together vith a squad of some half-dozen merchants it each county seat, composed what was ermed the business men of the country. Sow it is clear that we have a fair opportulity to judge, both of the real and compara;ive profitableness of farming. If the farmers of South Carolina have any property, they have made it, and that too, ivithin the last eighty-five or ninety years. To prove that many farmers have become comparatively rich, individual examples, .vithout number, might be selected. If any nan of ordinary observation will think for a noraent, he can cite examples which will srove to his conviction that farming in South Carolina was once, whatever it is'now, very profitable. After the revolutionary war, a large nu racer of Irish families came to South Carolina md settled in the upper counties. None )f these families had much, and most of them lad nothing. To-day, many of the desceulants of these poor Irish emigrants are rich. Were it prudent, multitudes of names could ce mentioned to prove that this is absolutely ,rue. The next question to be settled, is .vhether agriculture is profitable when compared with merchandising. Facts in this case is before, must be appealed to. Remember, it s not attempted to prove that merchandising n South Carolina is not profitable ; but simply that agriculture is as profitable as merchandising, and even more profitable. The greatest number of large tax-payers are farmers. Fewer farmers break, and farmers have xs much real estate free from all incumbrances >o morr>niinl9 From the plain naked facts in the case, ;he conclusion is forced upon us that farming, properly conducted, is both absolutely and comparatively profitable. It is foolish for our farmers to become discouraged and long to be engaged in some other avocation. The mode of conducting farming operations needs to be changed, but farming itself ought not to be abandoned. There is as much money in the soil of South Carolina as is in the soil of any State in the Union. Under the change which has taken place recently in the labor system, it may be difficult to get it out; but our farmers must adapt 'themselves to the circumstances by which they are surrounded. So soon as this is done, it will be found that farming will again be profitable. Not only so, but even more profitable than it ever has beeu. ?hiWrcn'si department. I [Original.] A COLLEGE EDUCATION. Many young persons, both male and female, think if they could only get through College and i receive a diploma from the faculty, that this would secure to them a reputation for scholarship, and insure them ease and success in life. The truth is, the American people have very foolish notions about education. They con! found going to school with learning, and hav! ing regularly graduated in some college, with being well educated. Unfortunately, all those who enjoy school advantages do not imI prove them, and all who get a diploma are not well educated. Unfortunately for our country, a vast multitude of those who go to college learn very little but bad habits. A few study hard, and make thorough advancements in useful learning, whilst the multitude do nothing but work mischief and spend money. [Original.] | CLERKS. The young men of our country seem to be j affected with a mania for doing business in the J capacity of hirelings. A farmer's son enters j a dry goods store, and sees a lad neatly ; dressed, with fair face and tender hands; with j hair neatly parted fair in the middle of his j head, and sleek with castor oil and cologne, and he is made to hate the farm and long to get behind a counter. An agent for some new stove or sewing machine, or something else, passes through a neighborhood, and all the boys, from twelve to twenty years and upward, are made dissatisfied. They long to get in a spriug wagon, drive over the country and sell other people's wares, and get rich in a few days. Young man, how many agents do you know, who have acquired a fortune by their trade ? Do you not know that the majority of them spend a froiiHiaud-to-mouth existence ? How many clerks get rich ? Do you not know that they have a hard time of it, on little wages and short rations ? Everything that is yellow is not gold. Do you not know that it is a rare thing for a merchant to get rich ? He spends a kind of hurly-burly existence, and when he dies his children are left poor. The only consolation they have is that the patrons of their father cheated him out of a vast amount of money. The consolation would be destroyed did they kuow the other side of the story. Young man, if your father has a plantation, go to work on it, and not grieve yourself to death about a clerkship or an agency. Do not long for misery. You will have trouble and temptation enough where you are. THE LITTLE THIEF. In nothing do we show our waut of self-control as iu our disposition to charge others with fault, because we have no other explanation for mysterious occurrences. We conclude that others are untruthful when no solution but this present itself. We lose valuables, and at once think they are stolen. The charity that "hopeth all things is a rare virtue." Some years ago I performed a wedding service, and received a fee of fifty dollars. It was a soft note, placed inside a small, delicate envelope. I returned home in the evening, and laid the envelope containing the note upon the bureau of my bed-room. No one was in the room but my wife and one servant, who had been with us for years, and was implicitly trusted. Iu arranging the room, she took up the note and asked about the wedding. Making some playful remark about rhft ffift. she laid it down ajrain on the bureau. In a few moments she went to her own room, and we saw her no more again that night. The other servant was in the kitchen. She did not, to our knowledge, enter our room at all. The children were in the adjoining chamber asleep. Two friends, who were visiting us, were in another part of the house. Turning down the light, and closing the door, we left our room for an hour's chat with our guests. When we returned, the note could not be found. It was certainly there when we left. Nothing else had been disturbed, but the note was gone. Thorough search was made for it; everything in the bureau was carefully examined. The floor was swept, the clothing shaken out. The closest scrutiny revealed nothing. Nearly an hour was spent iu the search, but all in vain. The girls had long since retired ; the children had not awakened ; save the friends, in whose company we had been, no one else was in the house. No one could have entered without our knowledge. Here was a mystery; what could have become of the note ? It could not have made away with itself. Such a suicide was impossible. Could one of the girls have slipped into the room duriug our absence and stolen it? We were too sure of their honesty to entertain the thought. But there was the stick, how else could it have disappeared ? With uneasy thought we gave it up for the night. The next morning the search was renewed. Every part of the room and everything in it was carefully examined, with the same result as before. We questioned the girls and the children. They affirmed positively that they had not been in the room or seen the note. The loss was nothing compared with the mystery. Not a word of suspicion was expressed, though it was hard to refrain from thoughts. Down stairs we found the girls in great distress. Though unaccused, they felt that circumstances pointed to them as the guilty ones. We assured them that we had all confidence in their integrity, and concluded to await revelations. Later in the day I determined to solve the mystery, if possible. I shut myself in the room, and went at it with the precision of an experienced detective. I found at length a small cutting at the base of the chimney fireboard. Removing the board, I discovered a mouse hole between the brick floor and the wall. I then got a chisel and pried up the brick?and lo ! underneath it was the envelope with the note inside. The gum was eaten /T. .1 1? i?,i u.,* i Oil, 1118 enveiUf.1t: urumpiuu up, uui tuu uutu i was intact! The story was now plain enough. | During our absence from the room, the mouse ; had come out seeking what he might devour? ! had climbed up the lace curtain beside the bureau, attracted by seed in the bird-cage 1 above, had jumped on the bureau, found the gummed envelope, and had dragged it down I the curtain to the floor, through the opening | in the fire-board to its nest under the bricks, i for a future meal. I called iu the family aud explained the circumstances, to their great! relief. Now, how strong the facts were against the girls ! How natural to have called iu a po- j liceman and have them arrested, and their characters gone ever afterward, and we ourj selves made unhappy and doubly suspicious in I all future. My little mouse preached me a good serj mon, and the text was, "Judge not, lest ye be ! judged." I ' Knocking Away Pitoi's.?"See, father," i said a lad who was walking with his father, j j "they are knocking away the props from un! der the bridge; what are they doing that for? t Won't the bridge fall?" "They are knocking thera away," said the father, "that the timbers may rest more firmly upon the stone piers, which are now finished." God often takes away our earthly props that we may rest more firmly upon him. God sometimes takes away a man's health, that he may rest upon him for his daily bread. Bej fore his health failed, though ho perhaps re-1 J pcated daily the words, "Give us this day our J j daily bread," he looked to his own industry ; for that which he asked of God. That prop | beiug taken away, he rests wholly upon God's j bounty. He receives his bread ; he receives it as the gift of God. ' fUatUng fur the Jfahhath CONDUCTED BY REV. ROBERT LATHAN. f Original.] (30D-HIS EXISTENCE. The denial of the existence of a Supreir Being is called atheism. Theoretical atheis are few; practical atheists are numerous in a countries. The existence of God is the fui daraental principle of religiou. He who di cards the idea of a God, cannot be either r ligious or moral in the usual import of tho; words. Learned men have attempted to d< monstrate the existence of a God by variot metaphysical arguments; but their reasonin is so obscure that in most instances the argt guments amount to nothing. The reasonin on this subject, as on many others, easiest ui derstood, is from effect to cause. Every ma possessed of the five senses with which ma is endowed, is able to discover in himself an in the world by which he is surrounded, effect He sees matter iu its various forms, and i many combinations. He infers that mattt could not come into existence without a mi ker. In the field of his observation, he di Olivers flint, nn efTent ever tnkoQ nlnoe within ^ t a cause. The existence of matter is an effec Some cause must have produced it. It coul not produce itself. The cause of the existent of matter, either simple or compound, is Go< But another argument for the existence ( God is found in the incomparable harmon which exists in everything around us. N conflict exists in any part of the universe. I the things around us, we find no dangeroi combinations. Nothing is in danger. Hov ever diversified things may appear, harmon the most sublime, exists between the who! and all the parts. From the design that is manifest in ever; thing around us, we infer the existence of wise Creator. The eyes in our heads, tt teeth in our mouths, our hands, our feet an every part of our bodies, gives evidence coi elusive of design. Whatever shows unmi takable signs of design had a designer. Th designer of the universe is God. In the Bib the existence of a Supreme Being is distiuctl stated. It is declared in the first line of thi ancient volume and repeated on every paj; of the entire book. Not only is there evidence of the existenc of God in the creation of the world, but th government of the world is an incontrovert ble proof of his being. To govern the worl requires a being no less wise and powerfi than to create it. The providential cat which is exercised over all things, is asstron a proof of the existence of God as can be pr< sented. It may be said that all things exis Ui* r. l<in? rPkta la fi?nn Knf utKrt if- mu U Kl ujr a iavv* xuio 10 uuv>) uui uuuf muj k? asked, is the law-giver? The world is governe by law, but that law is the fiat of God. Th law of nature is grand, but the law-giver i God. Law cannot exist without a law-give It is powerless without an executor. Ther must be some one to administer it. Matte: in itself, or however combined, is inert. J has being and nothing else. Every blade c grass that springs up on the side of our pat testifies most distinctly to the existence of Supreme Being. The law by which thing come into existence and grow up, never hs been discovered. No man can explain, by au principles known, how the sap rises in the tre from the ground and ascends to every branc of the stately oak. Neither can any man ej plain howthe blood courses through the whol body of the living auimiil. The sap iu th tree, and the blood in the body of an auimj are made to perform their mission by the a miphtv Dower of an everywhere present Got ? o y v - * ? [Original.] THE CONTRAST. In the 16tli chapter of the gospel by Luk< we are presented with a brief history of tw individuals. The name of the one is notgiv en ; the name of the other is Lazarus. Durin their lifetime, the circumstances by which the were surrounded were as different as they poj sibly could be. The one was a rich mar surrounded by all the luxuries of life. Hi daily clothing was purple and fine linen, ths worn only by kings and potentates. H table was supplied with the choicest of th land?"he fared sumptuously every day. Lazarus was a poor beggar covered with sorei He lay at the gate of the rich man, expectin to be fed by the crumbs that fell from th rich man's table. The kindest earthly friend he had were the dogs who licked his sorei No greater contrast in human circumstance could be presented. Both died. The ric man was buried, no doubt, with great pomj Probably a long train of friends and weepin kindred followed the bier to the grav( Whether the body of Lazarus was buried c not, we have no account. We may infer the it was a very quiet funeral procession. As h was a beggar, no doubt his sore-covered bod was placed away, at the expense of the con: munity, in a very cheap way. The contras still continues. Lazarus was taken by angel to Abraham's bosom, and the rich man lifte up his eyes in hell, being iu torment. Deat put an end to all the inconveniences of th poor beggar. His sores ceased to pain hirr The nurple and fine linen habiliments of th rich man dropped from his body forever, an for an endless eternity he ceased to fare sumf tuously. Lazarus and the "rich man," in the part ble are representative characters. All wh are rich in this world's goods are not rich i grace. Few of those who revel in the luxi ries of this world will ever see God's face i peace. In this world they get the desires c their hearts, but when this life ends they lil up their eyes in hell, being in torment. ] will fill the soul of the rich with inexpressibl w vO go from carnal pleasures in this worl to that region where God has forgotten to b gracious. On the other hand, no mind ca comprehend the bliss that will fill the souls c those who have struggled with adversitie ?-Koir oortMu r>i 1 trrimai*e. and. at dealt are welcomed into that land of pure deligh where there are pleasures forevermore. From the parable we learn how madly foo ish it is for men to barter away their immoi tal souls for a few years of carnal pleasur* An interest in the righteousness of Jesu Christ is worth more to the immortal soul tha ten thousand worlds. All the gold and silvc in the world can not mitigate one soui-pair From the short history of Lazarus and th "rich man," we learn that as soon as th righteous die they go to Heaven, and as soo as the wicked die they go to hell. There is n intermediate state. There is no loiterin about the vestibule. The soul of the "ric man" was in hell before his body was deposi ed in the grave, and the soul of Lazarus wa in Abraham's bosom before the sores on hi body were dry. The transit, in the one cas< from a world of carnal delight to a world c endless torment, was instantaneous; in th other case, it was from a world of suflerin and trial to a world of bliss. From the parable we learn, also, that ther is a Heaven and a Hell. The latter, is place of torment. A lake that burns wit fire anil brimstone?a place made horrid by hollow groans, weeping and gnashing of teeth, ? : a place where nothing good is seen, felt or I heard. Heaven is a glorious place, where __ death and disease never enter?a place of | pure delight, where nothing evil is ever seen, 1 felt or heard. >e | Again, we learn from this portion of scripts ture, that once in hell is forever in hell. 11 I There is an impassable gulf fixed, which efa fectually and forever prevents all intercourse 9- between the inhabitants of Heaven and the e-. inmates of hell. When death separates the se soul and body of the wicked, Christ, the Sa e- viour, bids the soul an eternal adieu. Anoth13 ! er thing that we may learn from the parg , able is, that if men are not converted by the l-' ordinary means of grace, no extraordinary g ; means will be used. The conversion of a soul l-1 is a wonderful thing, but God will work no n j miracle to effect it. If Moses and the prophets n j fail, no other means will be used. Gospel desd , pisers should lay this to heart. S7 is "T^TEARLY all diseases originate from IiuligesJ3I tion and Torpidity of tho Liver, and relief is always anxiously sought after. Jftho Liver is y Regulated in its action, health is almost invariaI bly secured. Want of action in tho Livor causes Headache, Constipation, Jaundice, Pain in the Shoulders, Cough, Chills. Dizziness, Sour Stomach, bad taste in the mouth, bilious attacks, palpir i\lr' uiiSvitu t\f HlA ' LilblUU U1 L1IO ilUcll L, l&VSJJi urj.^jv/ii ?r? o^/iuio, w* v..v a blues, and a hundred otlier symptoms, for which SIMMONS' LIVER REGULATOR is the best ie remedy that has ever been discovered. It acts d mildly, effectually, and being a simple vegetable compound, can clo no injury in any quantities that it may betaken. It is harmless in every way. g. It has been used for 40 years, and hundreds of the good and great from all parts of the country will ie vouch for its being the purest and best. Ie Simmons' Liver Regulator, or Medicine, y Is harmless, . Is no drastic violent medicine, 11 Is sure to cure if taken regularly, re Is no intoxicating beverage, ' Is a faultless family medicine, Is the cheapest medicine in the world, ,e Is given with safety and the happiest results to the most delicate infant, ie Does not interfere with business, : Does not disarrange the system, Takes the place of Quinine and Bitters of every d kind, i Contains the simplestand best remedies. For sale by all Druggists. C March 26 13 ly* I THE YORKYILLE ENQUIRER. 't VOLUME 21?1875. d ATTRACTIVE ORIGINAL STORIES. .e nnrwifTVIL! PAD m TTDC 13 x iviiiii i uiii.i j:vu vuuijoi r. ' UTITHtlio new year, the ENQUIRER will e \? enter upon its TWENTY-FIRST VOLr, UMEjand in making our regular annual anr.. nouncotnent, we can promise greater attractions, I owing to increased facilities in every department, >f than we have heretofore been enabled to present, i As a non-partisan independent family newsII paper, the future editorial conduct of the ENa QUIRER'ean be as well judged by the past, as by any promise which we might now feel disposed to make. An experience of thirty-four years in 13 the newspaper business, seventeen of which have been unremittingly devoted to the management y of the ENQUIRER, fully convinces the proprie,e tor that the plan he adopted on assuming control , of the paper, is the correct mode of journalism in n the present day. The true mission of a newspaper is to place before the public facts as they exist, unbiased by partisan feeling or sinister motives, lc and the propriety of this course is fully attested, e not only by the success of the ENQUIRER, which can truthfully claim the largest circulation il of any country paper in the South, but also by I many other of the most popular and widely-circulated papers of the day. The course thus indica]. ted we shall continue to pursue, aiming to publish a LITERARY AND FAMILY NEWSPAPER, which shall be a welcome visitor to the Home Circle, and acceptable alike to all classes of readers. Hence, the news department of the , ENQUIRER, whether of matters at home or ' abroad?political or otherwise?will be guarded 0 with the utmost care, and only facts a,s they may r_ seem to exist, will be presented, free from personal, sectional or party bias. * LITERARY DEPARTMENT. We have contracted for, and already received 3" several ORIGINAL STORIES by some of the mnuf noiiiihir serial writers of the dav. and in the first number of the new volume will bo com18 inenced an unusually pleasing story from the pen of South Carolina's gifted daughter, Mrs. DEAS, now of California, whoso contributions to the 18 press have always been well received, and whom e we have secured as a regular contributor to the ? Literary Department of the ENQUIRER. This story, entitled 3- "THE SEVEN SISTERS OF YORK," ? will be followed by others, of which wo may niene tion as the titlea?"UNCLE BRAINERD'S I WILL;" "SLEEPY HOLLOWand a highly sensational story entitled * "ZANITA, THE CIRCUS GIRL," h Abounding in romantic adventure and exciting incident, and portraying in vivid style the temptations and triumphs of a beautiful actress. I THE OTHER DEPARTMENTS. Rev. Mr. Lathan will continue his regular con,r tributions to the "Sabbath Reading" and "Childron's Department," which, under his management for the past five years, have been an impore tant feature of the ENQUIRER; and with the y usual melange of Miscellaneous Reading adapted * to all tastes; the Agricultural Department, con1 taining practical and useful information for the f. fanner and house-wife; a column of Humorous Reading every week ; "Scraps and Pacts," emis bracing light current topics; a compend of News \ hrnnti antiat Home ; Correspondence: Commer cial and Market Reports; Editorial Articles on h appropriate subjects, intended to promote the wclfaro and prosperity of our people, we hope to e make the ENQUIRER replete as "a map of busy I. life." e PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS, d We offer three Premiums for tho three largest i. clubs ofsubscribers for the year 1875, as follows: The first will bo a CASH PREMIUM of THIRTY DOLLARS; tho second, a gentleman's or lady's SADDLE of tho value of TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS; and the third, a cash Premium of 0 TWENTY DOLLARS. The Saddle above offerQ ed shall be the finest and best article that can be made by tho well-known manufacturer, G. H. I- O'Learv, of Yorkvillo, and as it will be made in _ the most superior style of workmanship and of the best materials, 'it will bo fully worth the >f amount it represents as a premium." v The person getting up the largest Club, at ?2.50 forcach subscriber, will be entitled to a choice of ! !t either of tho two first premiums; the person getting up the second largest, to the remaining first or e second premium, and the person getting up the d third largest, to the third premium. Competitors may begin to procure subscribers at once?the 10 time of subscription to commence whenever the n name is handed in, or on tho first of January, 1875, n as may bo preferred. The money for eaen subscriber is expected to be paid whenever the name !8 is entered on our books, and no name will be entered in competition until it is paid for. b To persons who make up Clubs of ten or more t names, but who may fail to obtain a premium, we ' will send the ENQUIRER one year free ofcliarge; and to those who send a Club of twenty or more i names, but who may fail to get a premium, we will forward a copy of the ENQUIRER one year r- free of charge, and acopy of eitlierof the following a publications: Southern Cultivator, Rural Caro" linian, Scientific American, Godey's Lady's Book, | IS Harper's Magazine, Harper's Weekly, Harper's i c'?:l T.nulin'u I 11II sit I'll tOl I Bazar, ovnunui iiiuiumj, ... ..... n Newspaper, Loslio's Magazine. !r The premiums will be awarded to the successful competitors at one o'clock, p. in., on the ' FIRST .MONDAY IN MARCH, IM75. e NO POSTAGE ON THE ENQUIRER. 0 Under the new postage law, after the 1st of n January next, the postage on all newspapers 0 mailed to persons out of tho county in which the | papers are printed, will have to he pre-paid, j g THIS WE SHALL DO WITHOUT TAXING ! u THESUBSCRIBERS FOR THE SAME; so that tho only cost of the ENQUIRER to a mail sub- j t- scriber, whether in the county or out of it, will be ; g at tho following ig TERMS s , Single copy one year, ? J '>0 ' In clubs, each subscriber, per year, 2 .10 How to Rkmit.?Money may bo forwarded at e our risk by draft, post-ollico order, or in registered letter?otherwise we will assume no risk. ? pi)- Write names plainly, giving post-office, 1 county and State. p&-'Specimen copies of the ENQUIRER will e be sent to any addross on application. Address a all letters to j TM. OTfclKT, Proprietor, It Yorkville, S. C. I ! JOHN II. ADAMS. I FALL AND WINTER GOODS! THE undersigned would respectfully announce to his friends and the public generally that his stock of FALL AND WINTER GOODS is now complete having been purchased in the northern markets, from tirst dealers, by that experienced | and judicious buyer, COL. McCORKLK. In my stock may be found a full and complete line of DRESS GOODS, Including black and colored Silks, Velvet, Velveteen, Serges, Sateens, Poplins, Valours, and a great variety of Cotton Prints, of all qualities and at all prices. WHITE GOODS, In full variety, Ribbons, Hosiery, Gloves, Handkerchiefs, Table Damask, Hats, Flowers and Feathers, and a general stock of Fancy Articles. Besides the above, in my stock may be found a complete assortment of GOODS FOR GENTS' WEAR, Hats, Caps, Boots, Shoes, Jeans, Tweeds, Cassirneres, Cloths, Ac., Shirts, Under-Clothing, and a full assortment of Gent's Furnishing Goods. My stock will l>e kept full during the season, and will embrace every article usually kept in A FIRST-CLASS ESTABLISHMENT, to an examination of which the public arc respectfully invited, feeling confident, as I do, that the inducornents I can offer are second to none in the market. JOHN H. ADAMS. Nos. 3 Broad Street and 109 East Bay Street, CHARLESTON, S. C. ST1TI0IEIS First-Class Work OUR SPECIALTY, yet, by using cheaper grades of stock, we can furnish work at LOWEST LIVING PRICES. FINE FASHIONABLiSTATIONEflY, Piries Paper and Envelopes. Redding and <?all invitations ON THE BEST STOCK ANO PRINTED IN THE LATEST STYLE. / September 10 37 tf music hathTcharms. &c. WITH pleasure I inform all who desire to grve their children a chance for a musical education, but whose means are very limited, that I have made arrangements with the celebrated "Mason & Hamlin Organ Co.," to supply persons with their unrivaled instrument, either at lowest factorv nrices. for cash, or on monthly orouar terly payments, upon what is called the lease principle. Tims any one by paying only a moderate sum for the use of the instrument, can, at any time,give it lip or become purchaser; the amount already paid being applied to the purchase. Or a person having paid the rent for four years, becomes the owner of the Organ without further payment. Call and enquire for particulars and see the now styles, at my Photo gallery, in the Adickes' building, where I may be found during all business hours, either to show you a sample or to wait upon you if you want anything in the Photographic line as heretofore. J. R. SCHORB. P. S.?Notwithstanding all the misrepresentations and "gab" of smart agents of the "Ring" companies, I still insist that I have the best and cheapest Sewing Machine (the American) to otter, and I am ready to prove my words to all who seek for the truth in the matter. J. R. S. THE GREAT SOUTHERN DRY GOODS HOUSE, FURCHGOTT, BENEDICT & CO., 275 KING STREET, CHARLESTON, S. C. Dry Goods, Oil Cloth, Mattings, Notions, Carpets, Rugs, Etc., THIS SIDE OF1 NEW YORK. For prices, see Special Notice. September 10 37 lim ~TO TEXAS AND ARKANSAS. THE completion of the TEXAS AND PACIFIC RAILROAD enables the Kenesaw Route, via Western and Atlanta Rail Road, to offer the only all rail route from Georgia and the Carolinas to all points in Texas. On and after September 1st, through coaches leave Atlanta daily for Memphis, Little Rock and Texarkana, Texas, without change, connecting there with through cars for Houston and all points in Texas. Think of one change of cars between Atlanta, Georgia, and Houston, Texas. pa- Rates reduced by the opening ofthis route from $5 to 813 ! Full information can be obtained upon application to Albert B. VVrenn, Southeastern Agent Nashville, Chattanooga and St. Louis Railroad, Atlanta, C. E. Sargent, Southeastern Agent L. and G. S. R. R., Atlanta, or to B. W. WRENN, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, Atlanta, Ga. September 24 39 tf STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, Columbia, April 24th, 1873. THE YORKVILLE ENQUIRER is hereby designated as the newspaper for the publication of all Legal Notices and Official Advertisements for the county of York, under the Act approved February 22nd, 1870, entitled "An Act to regulate the publication of all Legal and public Notices, and the order heretofore issued designating the "Carolina New Era" as the official paper for the county of York is hereby rescinded. I By order'of the Board. H. E. HAYNE, Secretary of State, and Secretary of the Board. I, HENRY E. HAYNE, Secretary of State, and Secretary of the Board, do hereby certify that the foregoing is a true copy of the Original on file in my office. II. E. HAYNE, Secretary of State. THE WINSHIPCOTTON GIN7 IN the construction of this GIN it is claimed for it to run lighter, bear a higher rate of speed, CLEAN THE SEED BETTER AND MAKE A PRETTIER SAMPLE OF COTTON, than any other Saw Gin now in use. They are simple and easily managed, boing almost imjiossible to over feed or cause the roll to break. They have the SELF-OILING BOXES, affording "protection against heat or tire. The superiority of these Gins can be authenticated by certificates from the | most reliable persons in the country. THOMAS W. CLAWSON is now using one of them with entire satisfaction. We sell at Factory prices and deliver at anv depot or station, free of freight. JEFFERYS & METTS, Agents. Also, Agents for the sale of tho celebrated vurni p mv June 4 23 tf |mN]|TBATTOSADL^ THE LEADING INSTITUTION IN THE U. S. THERE are no Vacations. Send for Catalogue , and College Documents. For Splendid Spoc- , iinensof Penmanship, enclose two P. O. Stamps. Address W. H. SADLER, President, j Nos. fl & 8 N. Charles St., Baltimore, Md. January 1 I tf I THECOOKING STOVES manufactured atour works in Greensboro, N. 0., give universal satisfaction wherever introduced. They are made of the BEST SCOTCH PIG METAL, with heavier and thicker plate than any other Stove in the market, and consequently will the longer withstand heat and hard usage. They are of hand some pattern and neat linish, and warranted equal in every other respect to any Cooking Stove sold ' in theUnited States, while it is confidently claimed that they are the CHEAPEST. All the usual pieces of ware and cooking utensils are furnished with each Stove. An important consideration with purchasers is the fact that our patterns and sizes are never changed. Should a piece get acci ueniauy uroKcn at any time, we can reniace it at the mere cost of casting. Not simply because it is a home production, but on account of its intrinsic merits as an article of household economy, do we ask the patronage of home purchasers. More than ONE THOUSAND of these Stoves are now in use, and among many others having them we respectfully refer to the following: R.E.Guthrie, D. M. Campbell, M. H. Currence, York county; Mrs. Elizabeth J. Wylio, Chester; D. A. Gordon, Guthriesville; John A. Brown, Rock Hill; B. P. Boyd, Joseph Herndon, L. M. Grist, Yorkville. You can save the freight from the northern cities and the dealer's profit, which is no small item, by buying of us, and at the same time get a ~STOVE THAT IS MORE DURABLE than those of northern make. The following are our prices, delivered at depot in Greensboro: No. 8, with 10 pieces ware and 8 feet pipe, $30 00 (I 7 <( 44 44 44 41 <4 14 28 00 Address, SERGEANT A McCAULEY, Greensboro, N. C. T. C. DUNLAP, Agent, Yorkville, S. C. JOHN R. LONDON, Agent, Rock Hill, S. C. GRAND, SQUARE, AND UPRIGHT PIANOS HAVE received upwards of FIFTY FIRST PREMIUMS, and are among the best now made. Every instrument is fully warranted for live years. Prices as low as the exclusive use of the very best materials and the most thorough workmanship will permit. The principal pianists and composers ana the piano-purchasing public, of the South especially, unite in the unauimous verdict of the superiority of the STIEFF PIANO. The DURABILITY of our instruments is fully > established by over SIXTY SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES, in the South, using over 300 of our Pianos. Sole Wholesale Agents for several of the principal manufacturers of Cabinet and Parlor Organs. Prices from $50 to $600. A liberal discount to Clergymen and Sabbath Schools. A large assortment of second-hand Pianos, at prices ranging from $75 to $300, always on hand. Send for Illustrated Catalogue, containing the names of over 2000 Southerners who have bought and are using the Stieff Piano. CHAS. M. STIEFF,, Warerooms, No. 9 North Liberty Street, BALTIMORE, MD. Factories, 84 and 86 Camden St., and 45 and 47 Perry St. May 21- 21 ly THE SHORT LINE SCHEDULE. Charlotte, Columbia and Augusta R. R. Co., Columbia, S. C., July 19,1874. fllHE following Passenger Schedule will be opJL crated on and after this date : going north. Tiain No. 2. Train No. 4. Leave Augusta, 6.30 a.m. 4.15 p.m. Graniteville, *7.33 a. m. 5.11 p. m. Col'bia Junct'n,.. 11.38 a. m. f9.05 p. m. Arrive Columbia, 11.48 a. m. 9.17 p. m. Leave Columbia, 11.58 a. m. Winnsboro, 2.06 p. m. Chester, J4.06 p. m. Arrive Charlotte, f6.45 p.m. No. 2 Train makes close connection, via Charlotte and Richmond, to all points North, arriving at New York at 6.05 a. m. No. 4 Train makes close connection, via Wilmincrton and 'Rinhmnnd to all nnints North, ar riving at New York at 5.15 p. i?r going south. Train No. 1. Train No. 3. Leave Charlotte 8.30 a. m. Chester, 11.02 a. m. Winnsboro, 12.38 p. ni. Arrive at Columbia, 2.42 p. m. Leave Columbia, 2.52 p. m. 3.40 a. m. Col'bia Junction, 3.17 p. m. 4.15 a. in. Graniteville, 7.15 p. m. *7.48 a. m. Arrive at Augusta, 8.05 p. m. 8.45 a. m. Breakfast. J Dinner, f Supper. South bound Trains connect at Augusta for all points South and West. Through tickets sold and baggage checked to all principal points. Sleeping cars on all Night Trains. JAMES ANDERSON, General Sup't. A. Pope,Gen. Passenger and Ticket Agent. 4 _______ OFFICE CHARLOTTE, COL. <fc AUG. R. R. Columbia, S. C., July 31, 1874. BY recent changes in the schedules of Charlotte, Columbia and Augusta, and Atlanta and Richmond Air Line Railroads, arranged for the especial accommodation of the traveling public, close connections are now made via Charlotte to Spartanburg, Greenville and all points along the line of the A. <fc R. A. L. Railway and via A., T. <ft O. and Carolina Central Railroads, for Cherryville, Lincolnton, Statesville, Hickory Tavern, AsUiPvillp .I'r. See schedule below: going north. Leave Columbia, 4 00 A. M. Arrive at Charlotte 2 20 P. M. Leave Charlotte, via A. A R. A. L. R. Road, 3 13 P. M. Arrive at Spartanburg, 8 24 P. M. Arrive at Greenville, 10 42 P. M. Leave Charlotte, via Carolina Central for Cherryville, Ac., 3 00 P. M. Leave Charlotte, via A., T. A O. R. R. for Statesville, Hickory Tavern, etcetera, 3 25 P. M. going south. Leave Greenville, 2 06 A. M. Leave Spartanburg 4 03 A. M. Arrive at Charlotte, 8 06 A. M. Leave Charlotte, 8 30 A. M. Arrive at Columbia, 2 42 P. M. Arrive at Augusta 8 Jb P. M. Sleeping cars on all Night Trains. A. POPE, Gen'l Pas. A Ticket Agent. August 6 32 tf CHER AW AND DARLINGTON E. E0AD. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE,) Cheraw A Darlington Railroad Co., > Society Hill, S. C., October 10, 1873. J CHANGE OF SCHEDULE. ON and after MONDAY, 13th of October, the passenger train will run as follows: Down Train. Up Train. LeaveChernw 8.00, A.M. Leave Florence. ...3.00, P. M. Leave Cash's 8.20, A. M. Leave Palmetto 3.20, P. M. I.eave Society Hill.8.45, A. M. Leave Darllngion...3.40, P. M. Leave Dovc'h 9.15, A. M. Leave Dove's 4.15, P.M. Leave Darlington. .9.50, A. M. Leave Society Hill.4.45, P. M. Leave Palmetto...10.10,A. M. Leave Ca.ih'c 5.10, P.M. Arrive at Florence. 10.30, A. M. Arrive at Cheraw..5.30, P. M The Freight Train will continue for the present to run as heretofore, except to adapt its running and stoppages to the changed schedule of the passenger trains. June 4 23 tf ?he fotMk (Sritquiw. TKUMH 13V ADVANCE I One copy, one year, $ 3 00 Ono copy, six months, 1 50 One copy, three months, 1 00 Single copy, 10 I Two copies, one year, 5 Oo ^ Ten copies, one year, 25 00 pSSr 'to persons who make up clubs of ten or more names, an extra copy of the paper will be furnished one year, free of charge.