The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, March 28, 1874, Image 2
TW? BOLL AUS PER ANNUM. ?>
VOLUME 8.
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GOD J?_jN?CE>-'- OUR COUNTRY.
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.?r/>d Dwffq?u*1? -li- ;I? r ?>??
.0o>aet wcfi ^Ingtjfi ?i-'.-i istr
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? jaola ->ar9:p $4 i'as'> hu* i .?
tum fe* vi?; wo ?di T<i ua?o .atfjc ii /
SATURDAY MORNING, MARCH 28, 18T4.
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3 Vt'.'f'VJW
ALWAYS IN. ADVANCE. *?
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Terms Cash in Advance, -^Ba
W. PERRY MURPHY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
1M1AXC1XYII.T.K, S. C,
Will practice mihe CourtR-of Orange
$mrg, Collelon and Barnwcll.
fob 7 Hm
Drs. D. W> Barton & Thos.
Legare,
Tfavrng nnitcd themselves in the practice
??f MKDICINV. under t.lic nnmo of
KAHTON Jc LEG A RE.
Offers ?heir profess;<:*x\ service* t<? the
"Town of Orange-bur/ cinJ surrounding
?Courttry.
OJIire hourj fro in 8 to 0^ A. M. aud 7 to
?1 ?tjaight-,
t'tHc- M.trkrl Strict Iwd doors Uclow .1.
81. Hainiiv?*? .''tore.
de&SP 1873
mm K. TAB Kit,
LENVISVILLE, s. c,
(ST. MATTH BWS I*. 0.,)
June 5 187:; tf
If you have no Land, ro Bfcuy
at much ns jou want on EASV TERMS at
the LAND OFFICE of
AUG. B. KNOWLTON.
nov 10. tf
If jou have Trlorc IjU?4. than
yen can PAY TAXES on, Register it for
??1? at the LAND OFFICE of
' AUG. B. KNOWLTON.
??
If you have I<chs land than
yen want, BUY MORE at the
; "LAND OFFICE of
AUG. B. KNOWLTON.
XjAJSTD .A.GrENT
The Undcrslgned has opened an OFFICE
for the SALE of LAND.
Persons having. REAL ESTATE to dis
pose of will do well to register the sume
for silo,
LARGE FARMS subdivided and sold in
?ither LARGE or SMALL parcels.
GO?D .FARMS for sale at from $2 to $u
per aero, cn easy terms.
AUGUSTUS B. KNOWLTON,
Orangehurg 0. II., S. C.
nov 16 f
J. FELDER MEYERS,
Till A I, JliSTICJS.
OFFICE COURT HOUSE SQUARE,
Will give prompt attention to all business
I entrusted to b'm, mar 20?tf
"**y ? ?? ? - ?-- -
Browning1 & Browning*,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
ORAIVClEIiUflU C. M., So. ttjk,
Mai.coi.2t 1. Bnowmsa.
A.. F- -Bbownino.
?ov-4
AUGUSTUS B.1N0WLT0N
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR
A T LAW, ?
OBANGEBIIBO, S. C.
J?n> 8 t. tf
._,_D_,_
W. Xj. w. biley
. TRIAL JUSTICE,
w6 iidencQ in Fork of Edit* to,
..lit BU8INESS. ENTRUSTEDv will be
oriniptly and carofully attended to.
A Night of Horror.
It was night when I arrived home.
There vras nomothing so provoking in
tho darkness and uttor quiet in which I
found the premises wrapped thai I de
termined to give a lovely surprise ; but
nature, appealing to me on a vital point,
I dropped into the diuing room with tho
view of refreshing myself with a bite of
cold joint by way of preliminary.
Striking a ligh*?, I found that my
wants had been anticipated, for there ou
the table lay the remains of a repast ?
breast of chiokeus, cakes, 'ehee.se and
what not. 1 Icing sharp set, l pitched
in, a glass of cold porter materially
assisting the process of indigestion.
All at once my oyo caught sight of a
meerchaum upon the mantle. N<>w
there is nothing wry alarming in a moor
chaum per sc, but when the uicercl'.autu
is the property of a stranger and is
found upou out's prumis-s during his
ubaence, it becomes invc>tod with an
importance which it could derive from
no other circumstance. There is also a
paper of Turkish tobacco. 'The fellow
has a taste, at all events,' arid L, aud I
filled and smoked, drank a burner aud
cogitated.
Now Maria knows I am not in the
least jealous ; knows it had never entered
my head to suspect her of any impru
deuce; but this, to say the least of it,
had a very .suspicious look about it. but
nevertheless 1 drank again. Yet I pro
tested I Was not jealous. At that, mo
ment I started and ?prang to my feet as
if at the touch of an elec ric battery, for
<?i the settee in tho corner lay an im
pudent looking bat and cane, and oven
a pa:r of gloves! To smash tho hat
into Miiithereeos, to tear the gloves into
>t ?gutem*, to snap the cane iuto flinders
was di nc iu a moment. I took anot her
Lumper, aud folding my arms, glare!
majretieally uruUtl'h Not til it [was
jealous ! U ! dear no !
1 resumed my Heat and- pipe, to
ci ig hate dvtr of courso the pr.
coed tire when I rccieved nuotne sho k.
My Cye bad aliiih'cd upi-n a note which
had fallen under, the .table. Itw.i.a
feminine hand 'Dear Charlie.' it ran,
'lJm so gla l you've arrived. Sammy's
away. Don't stand upon ceremony.
VVC'|| have such a nics tiuu! Cold
In nth und all agroable. Come over at
once.'
. Sammy's my name. 'Perfidious wo
man ! ? It is thus?'
I threw it into the fire after stamping
on it. I fortified myself with another
glass, took off my stockings, and started
up stairs On the way I tumbled over
n stiange cat in the kitclicu.
In my ascent I suppose I must have
made some noise, for a strange dog set
up a furious yell in the back area It
may te as well to prepare for con tinge n
cies, I reflected, as I ro-entered tho par
lor with a view to possessing myself of
a poker. Dark as it was. I secured the
desired object, and was retreating, when
I fancied somebody came in on tiptoe.
Holding my breath, dodged past him,
and crept up stairs like a thief; not that
I was jealous but only to see what was
going on. After a pause, during which
I could count the beats of my heart, I
tried the bedroom door. It was not
locked and was dark within. A gentle
snore?not a rough, exasperating, re.;k
less thing, but more of a musical moan
?came from the bed.
'She is a Bleep',' mused I; 'the step of
a stranger's- toes was the tread of a cut.
Poor Maria! bow could I so wrong
you V I disrobed and slipped in bed.
'Charles, ? how long havo you boou !'
raid a feminine voice.
Gracious goodness?it was that of a
stranger ! a cold Perspiration broke over
me as I reflected upon the horrors of my
8>'.uation. The houc I had purchased
was one of a pair whioh had been built
exactly alike, aud coming home fatigued
and sleepy direct from the cars, l must
have entered my neighbors mansion
instead of my own !
1 pounced upon the floor.
'Excuse me, dear,' I whispored, 'I
think I hear burglars.'
?Wliat?again? I think you must be
mistaken.'
I'll go and sto said I, and huddling
on something 1 groped my wuy to tho
stairs, descending them with a cold
feeling oil tho way down my back,and
crept into tho baaomoUt. Thero I made
another appalling discovery?tho clothes
I had put on wero somoboly else's and
not my own 1
Safe on the sidewalk I glanced up at
the house from which I had escaped?
thinking how should I manage to return
the borrowed toggery.
And it was my house, after all!
Resolved on an explanation, I rung
the bell boldly. I bfard tho tip, tippety
tip of a pair of well known feet, aud was
at once iu the arms of Mrs. b'pivins.
'Why, dou'tyou remember, Sammy's,'
she said, in rrplying to my iuterroga
tion ; 'I told you brother Charles was
coming from tho country with his now
wife to pass ? lew days with us. I have
given up 3 our own bedroo;?).'
Well, bavn't 1 been there and stolen
Charles' clothes while he was alter
burglars 1 The note to Charlie was
sufficiently explained.
1 w ill never bo jealous again.
A11 Invincible Hand.
HOW FIVE JACKS IIKAT FOUll ACKS.
During tho session of the United
States {District Grand Jury, a witness
was called before them named Scipio
Choteau, a half-breod Creek Indian and
negro', bright, sharp and intelligent. Ho
wa- the last witness to bo called before
adjournment that day. After cxatuiua
tion, some onu of the Grand Jury wh >
knsw him asked hinhii Jl? was the man
who bad four aces beaten.'
He answered, "Yes. sah; l'se de man.'
<WtM you have no objectiou \u telling
it?'
'l'se a feared it will get me into trou
ble: but if de J udgo is willig,' appealing
to the forcmau, 'I will tell it.'
?The Judge consented, than Seipio
said:
'You sec T live on the cattle trail from
Texas through tho Creek county to Kan
sas, and 1 was out on-de road one day,
and meets u gentleman ahead a tbig drove
q! cattle.
'He Bays 'Old mau do you live in
this country?'
'1 says, ? Yes sab.'
'lie says, "It's a mighty poor [country
llow do y?;ti make a liviu ?'
*I says, "Sah. putty good country; w"c
has plenty meat au 1 b.ead, and l make-:
a good liviu' a
'lie say, Old n.au, do you ever play
kcrds!*
'I tfaj-s, 'Yes? sa*h ; 1 does sometimes.'
'He says, 'Would you have any Jobjec
tbm to play a little draw?'
'I says, ' No sah.'
'So we gets off our horses- along side
do road and sat down, aud 1 pulls out
the kerds. Well, in a hort time I boat
de gentleman out of sixty two dollars
and a half, aud I tought 1 had him; so
I puts up a band on him?for I is,do I
say it myself, a mighty smart hand at
kerds?and 1 knowod be would hive
tree jacks aud I would hab tree aces,
aud in the draw I know'd he would git
the other jack and I would git de oder
nee. So be raises a bit, and 1 raises on
back, till at last I put up all the money
1 had winued from dc gcmineu and all
de change 1 had, and I know'd I had
him. Well, in de draw dc gent got do
odor jack aud 1 got do other ace. De
gent wanted to bet, but I claimed a sight
for de money, aud told him I had an in
wiucible band dat couldn't be beat.
'He says, 'Ole man, dem is right good
britches you is got on; how much did
day cost?'
'I says, 'Yes, sab; dey cost mo ton dol
lars.'
'lie says, 'T puts up ten dollars agin
dem '
'I says, 'Berry well, sab; but I tells
you 1 got an inwineible h ind.'
'He puts up de money, and I holds
up my legs and be pulls of do britches
and lays dem down.
'Now, sir,' 1 says, 'I told you I bad
an inwinuiblo baud, l'se got four
aces ,
'De gent says,'Ole man, did y?u ever
hear of live jacks boatiu' Fo aeos?'J
'I says, I's beard it sab, but I's never
seed it; and if you conwiuue ine ob it, do
money's yourn '
'llerry well, he says, laying down one
kcrd; 'ain't dat dc jack ob olubs?'
'Yes sab,' I says, 'dat urn do jack of
clubs.'
'Ho lays down anodur kord;'ain't dit
do jack ob spados?'
'Vcs, sah, dat is de jack of spados '
' Ho luy down an der; 'Aiu' dat de
jack ob diamonds?'
'Yes, sab, dot is de jaok of diamonds .
'He put down auoderaud says, Ain't
dat do jack of hearts?'
'1 says, Yes sub, dat am do jaok of
hearts.'
'Dens he runs hi" hand in bis bosom
and pulls ouL a great long pistol and
points it at me and says, 'Ain't dat jack
haul?' ^|-95 aeo*!^'
'I says, 'Y>'*, 'stih.'
'And be says,' 'Ain't dat five jack and
don t dat win dc money:
'I says, ' Yc$ sah, dat is .lack ITaul,
and dat is fi<?e jacks', and fivo jacks beats
an iuwincible ban 1.'
?So be puts'de money in bis pocket
and ties my britches on bind oh his
sadillo, uud tells me to scatter?.ind I
did.
'You see, it s'ertrea mo right, for T
tought de man was a green Missouriun
when I put up de band on him; but he
was a Arkansaw cba p and I finds <lein
mighty sharp, Judge.'
Tho abr.vo is vouched for by the tore
man and sevoral uismbcrs of the Gran 1
.Jury as a fact.?every word of it.? Furl
Smith Herald.
A Narrow Escape.
i \ - Q'tjUl hvt3 if**i ?O r.'
tTSt*C'St^),}t^Kr |*r>l:1Q
, ?eToro Wichita, Kansas,
had realized its hopes of securing a per
mnnent placo upon tho .map?so long
ago, in fact, as the spring of 1871?a
CCQtlcuiau registered his jiatno at the
I/arris House, and announced his inten
)ti of stopping a few days in order to
fta the country, and perhaps to buy
>me land iu the neighborhood. After
d%iner ho sought put the lar.dhu'd, and
made a special request that, as he was
an Eastern man in search of experience,
ho might have a buffalo steak sorved lor,
hisbreukfast next morning.
'B?ffalb steak!"
'Yes. It is obtainable, isn't it? You
can get it hero? I'd be willing to pay
lor any extra trouble,you know.'
'Oh, no troubio. Fact- is, I've not
been able to'^fifc nuy tbing chic lor a wjUsfc.
or two past, j I was just going to apolo
gize for having given it to you at diu
ucr.'
The. Eastern man looked as if he
thought himself sold, but still * tu-; k t>
his retjuest, because hti wanted to know
how buffalo meat tasted when he was not
wre.-tliug ivitli it under tba false im
pression thai it was Texas e >w. And
then, finding (he landlord sociable (Jbr
no m ire genial host than K ?uso ever
made hii house pleasant for hi.s guesti
at his own lo>s,,l he asked if the town
wasijuiet and orderly.
'Oh, yes, perfectly so. You Kasto.rn
men fancy that we are overrun with
dc.-patadoes out here, hut you'll lind
|. Wichita just as t caccful as a man could
wish.'
At this point the conversation was
brought to a closf. by the irruption of a
party* of noisy men, of whom the land
lord explained to his guest, as be we.it
to attend to them, that they wore 'so ne
of (Jurlcy Marshall's boys.'
'And who is Curley Marsha 11?' asKed
tho Eastern man of a bystander as he
sat down iu a vacant chair.
'Cuilcy is one of our celebrities,' was
the reply. 'He is to Wichita very much
what J'ulfalo Dill is to Abiluue. Fine
fellow he is, too.'
Dut 'the boys'approached, and the by
slander incideutly moved away without
tini.-hing his eulogy, while the new
comers .ntrrouuded the sitter before be
wus fully aware of the situ ition; and
then be thought that be would not seem
iu a hurry to get away. When, how
ever, two of them began to practice
broadsword parries over his head with
loaded revolers of the 'navy' pattern,be
changed his mind about the order of hi.s
going, and slipped out froat between
thctn just as 'Long Dan,' growing tired
of the fun, cocked his revolver, and
leveling it at bis friend's head, said
briefly, 'Git out ol this! That's the
door.'
The other 'weakened'a mo ueut aud
looked at Dun doubtingly.
'1 mean it, by G?d! You git, or I'll
plug you'.'
lie did 'git.'
There was laughter Irom the boys a
Dnn looked grimly triumphant and in
vited them into the bar?room ou his
'about.' 'Come on, strangur!' said ho to
the Eastern man, seeiu.: that tho latter
did not start forward. Hut tho Ivu eru
mau asked to bo excused, pleading thit
he didn't drink.
'Don't drink? You won't drink with
me? Do you mean to insult me,
stranger?'
?No, sir, uo?surely not. But L never
drink.'
'Look here, stranger! I don't like a
man to say that he's too good to dri.ik
with me. I'm Long Dan Cowee;' and
the speaker looked dangerous.
Tho Eastern man thought he had:
better drink.
He lugged last in the crowd, howo*?r,
and,,satisfied that hi? absenco would not
be noted, stole out of tho baok door and
hung round behind the kitchen until,
?the boys' should have gone. Presently
be thought he beard them in the street,
and looked round the corner of the house
to;8ee. There came a bright flash, right
in his face, a report, and a handful of
shot rattled against tho fence noar him,
while with a yell 'tho boys' went on
down the street, discharging their ro- j
volvcrs in the air.
Will You go to Bed.
THE TKOCBLE THAT A DRUM lilt FELL
INiO. ti tl .
TIIK WKHTERN MODE OF CJETTINO MAR
RlED.AKl) HOW HE FOOI.KD THE I.ADY
i 91|: ' f
At Hig Creek, Arkansas, they have a
peculiar custom w hich sometimes proves
embarrassing. Aw there is no preacher
within thirty,miles, the way for mnrry
ing is by kissing across a table. Recent
ly a New York drummer was out here.
He put up at private house, and became
quit intimate. One evening he was
fooling around ono of the girls, general
ly trying the extent of her sweet temper
when she gave bis wbihkers a pull and
ran. He followed. She got the table
beiwcM] them. Wheu out of breath ho
slopped on the other side; making a
wild plunge, caught her in his arms
and gave a hearty kiss. She than sat
down on tho sofa, and they talked pleas
autly lor,a" couple of hours?he think
ing it singular that she .should sit up aq4I
Mo: : . "
At last she said, 'Don't you thiuk it's
about litte went to bed?'
'I guess you are right' he remarked:
dot's go.'
She lit a candle, nnd be Wn? ahout to
do the c, when shu sai I, 'I rc:k<m
one's eno igh. One caudle will light
two f.lk> t'i bed.'
j 'Ulidoubt ally it woul 1 when tho?o
?two p:o|)le occupied the same room.
, Hut ymir candle will u >t iliu niuate my
chamber.'
Ain't wo poin^ to occupy the same
roi'tn? Ain't we married.''
'Ain't we what? shouted the gentle
man.
'M arried! Didn't you kiss mo across
tho table ? That married us.'
h cold sweat sprea 1 over tha drum
mer. He knew that if he said he wasn't
married to her she would make an out
cry, and then her loving aud much to
hacco consuming father would ari.ie iu
his wrath and carve him into cutlets,
and her brothers would down their shot
guns and empty the contents into him
him. lie must be strategic He must
put her off. So be said.
'Kairrst of your sex, permit me to ro
mark that I did not know that kissing
aoross the table constituted a marriage
ceremony; but I am content. I have
never seen one who so completely lillcl
my ideal of a bcauliful, sweet, loving,
and uiodest woman. However, L would
never think of holdilg you to this mar
riage until I bad asked the permission
of your lather to pay my addresses to
you. To morrow, at dinner when the
entire fumily are present, I will propose
I your fair hand.'
This satisfied the lad j, and bestowing
npon lisin a fervent kiss, sin went, to \\tx
room nud be to his. He packed his car
pe -bag, to. k off bis boots, and made
tracks for tho nearest l ail road stition; i
He didn't feel entirely safe until he
reached St. Louis; He hasn't informed
his wile of this little adventure. He's
afraid she might write out to Arkansos
for the facts in the case, and then be
might get arrested for bigamy: Women
sometimes won't listen to roason, you
know;
A gcntlemuu was once riding in
Scotland b*r n bleaching ground where
a poor woman was nt work watering her
webs of linen cloth lie a-kod where
she ?Tent to church, what she bad hoard
on the preceding day, aud how much she
remembered. Shi could not even tell
the text of the last< sermon.
"And what good can tho prcaohiug
do y<>u," said he, "if you forget it all/ "
?'Ah, sir," replied the po^r woman,
"if you will look at. this wob on tho
grass, you will sco as fast as eeer 1 put
tho water on it the sun dries it all up,
aud yet,, sir, I sec it gots whiter aud
whiter-"
One of Beau Hicknian's Tricks.
Beau oi)co mado u raid od the BhIti
lnorc restaurants. He do tor mined to
dine well that day, or know tho reason
w h y ? ? ^t?^jjf^jr-----2nd
asked for the proprietor.
' 'Sir,' said ho, 'I want the tust dianer
ydu can give me.' 2{$ga '
'All right, sir/said Mr. Guyj 'walk
in here,' showing him into a neat little
private room. '
The Beau ate and drank of the host,
and just after he had finished his cup
of cafe moir and had lit hie oabana, a
nerv;mt entered with a folded paper on
a silver waiter, which ho gravely handod
to tho Beau.
?
'What is this? inquired the Beau.
'Ho bill, sab,' said the waiter.
'Bill; I don't want any bill. Ask the
proprietor to come here.'
1 be proprietor appeared bowing and
smiling, ho hoped there waa nothing
wrrmg, and that his guest had liked hie
dinner.
'1 liked the dinner well enough, and
the wine,' said Beau Hickinan, 'bat I
want to know what this means:'
'That's the bill, sir,' said the* proprio
tor. j jiiijfjo bail t- 'i ;*>d--nciisi*$36oa
'Well, I never pay and bills. Iam
Beau Hick man. I don't pay anybody . j
Besides you have no right to chargo me
for this dinner." I asked you for the
best dinner you could give mo.'
?Well, Beau, you have rung iu on rhe
aud got tho better of nio fairly. Now
I'll not only forgive you for this trick,
but I'll give yoa $25 if you will play
this trick on tbo St. Clair, on the ether
ndc of the way?""**0*'
Tho next day the Beau fared sump
ttidus'y at the St. Clair, and tho scene
was rc\<5UUCtod. I The billwaspr.eSented
and the proprietor woood up with,
'Beau, I'll givo yoa $50 if yoa will play~
this off on Guy.'
'My dear sir,' said the Beau, 'why
d d-i't I call here first? Guy has paid
mc S25 to play it on you.'
A professor of Cornell University
recently published a nuaib*r of hioti x%
to -'What to do iu c?<o of accide.it."
One of these was a* follows j "If you
choke, get down on all fours an 1 cough."
One of our neighbors ? Wool wird ?
read tili-*, an 1 determined to rem muher
it. Bay before yesterday be wis e>ting
his dinner aloue, and ho choked upon a
piece of beef. Instantly bo got down
on all fours and began to cough. Jast
(hen, Mrs. Woodward came in, and the
impression made upon her by Wood
ward's extraordinary attitude and.his
harking was that he had suddenly boon
attaeked with hydrophobia. So sho
first seized the pitcher of water,-and
took it from the room. Then she's sut
one of the girls up stairs for thi mat
tress, which wa-? thrown over Wood
ward, while Mrs. Wood ward and the
family sat on it and held him d>w4.
The madder he got tbo more alarmed
was Mrs. Woodward; and the more he
swore aud foamed at bis mouth, the
more sho insisted on the hired girl giv
ing nn extra turn of the clothes line
around his leg and tying hi u to the
stove. Wheu the doctor came, he
pulled Woodward's arm from under the
mattress aud bled him, and put fly
blisters ou his feet, and promised to
come round in the aVening and shavo
his scalp so as to relieve hi* brain.
When the doctor called that night,
Woodward had a orizc fight with hint in
the parlor, aud alter sending the medi
ual man up to tho bath room to wash
the blood from his note and cool bis eye,
Woodward went out to bunt for the
Cornell professor. Thero will be pain
and anguish in that institution of learn
ing when Woodward arrives. Ho means
war to tho knife.
[Mae Adetcr.
"Some, years ago," said Old Hank,
'I took u bed bug-to an iron foundry,
and dropped it in tho ladle where ths
melted iron was, and hud run into the
skillet. Well, my old woman naed that
skillet pretty steady for the last six
years, and bore tho other day she broke
it all to smash, and what do you think,
ueut lenient, that cro insect just walked
out of bis holo where he'd been lying
like a frog in a rook, and tuado tracks
for his roost op stairs! But by Goorgo,
gentlemen, ho looked mighty pale!"
What is the difference between a far
mer and a bottle of whiskey? Onehus
bauds tho coro aud the other corns the
husbauds,
Mr: Reese, the well known . street
preacher, was apcostjd by ,a-would be
ff x j,#m trat** be* .biJ'^Ji7 R?* w*1". s11
wag, the other day, with the following
quraiottj' * .J .n< ' ,
* |Do you beliove what the Bible, says
about the prodigal sou aul the, fatted
calf?' '
?Certainly T do.'
_ twall.'ilf.'cau'you tell me whether
tho calf that was killed was a male or a
female V
'Yea, it was a female.'
?Howdo you know that?'
?Why, because,' said Reese, looking
the ehap ia the faco. 'I soe the male is
still alive.
Not to be Sold,?Bishop George
would novcr have his portrait taken. 'If
I were to,' Baid he, 'I would be engraved
aud hung in some gopd brother's parlor,
aud by-aud-by the good brother would i
fail in business or die, and his effects
would be put up for public sale, aud .
the Toluble auctione r would come across
me'in a pile of household trumpery, and,
as he held me susponded by thumb and
forefinger, ho would cry, 'Now, gentle,
men, bore's your chancel your only
chance! . perhaps your last chance,to buy
a bishop! How much am I bid foe a
bishop? Twelve and a half cents for a.
bishop! Only a York shilling for a,
Methodist bishop! Do I hear any ni?ref
Going! going! gone! Only twelve and
a half cents?dog cheap?for a Metho
dist biihop!'
_
i
j A New Hampshire clergyman, spend
ing the summer for tho sake of his health
on Star Island, volunteered to preach
in an unoccupied eburoh during his
stay . The church wa-:* accordingly
oponcd,fflffflm^n^^wa^^r<2d tort
3an owga'ffM season.
Hut he did cot learn how highly his.
efforts were appreciated Until hi* depar
ture, when his magnanimous listeners
sent him a bill fo? the use of the church.
When a lov dy woman stoops to.offi^a
holding, she may be suspected the same
as any other public servant. Miss Belle
Murray, who ha* boon acting as deputy
clerk of tho Circuit Court of McLean
County, III., is charged with embezzle
mcnt, and her trial is in progress at
Bloomingtou.
The gate of a faste age?investigiite.
Evasion from truth is afliliati ju with
f alsehood.
The greatest bet that was ever made
?the Alphabet.
A man 3f honor respect his wjrd a*
he does his bond.
'Yi'U can't do that again,' said the
pig to the boy who cat his tail off.
The cheapen of lawyers?keeping
one's own council.
Two Irishmen were in prison ? one
for stealiug a pin, the other for stealing
a needle.
Questionable?when a man marries a
poetess, does he take her for better or
for verso?
It is apparent that a great many
children get ou tho wrong traok because
the switch has been misplaced.
A Chicago clergyman preached a ser
mon in a billard saloon last Sunday.
He made ninetc> n points.
One thing, said an old topor, was
never seen Coming through the rye, and
that's the kiud of whiskey ono getsnow
a days.
It is said that two Iowa lovers wil[
sit up half the night with only one
chair in the room, but that's easily ex
plained to any one who has been there.
?Mono-poets' is the. now name for per
sons who write but one bit of a verse
aud then die. This isn't tho kind of a
poet that sends pieces to the papers.
When women war 'gaiost rum and
beer, pod close for aye eaoh drinking
place; then shall the salty, silent tear
roll sadly down eaoh lunoh fiend's faco.
It is said that a hallo of our oity gets
but three hours' sleep per day during
the fashionablo season. An exchange
think it is enough for hor intellect.
A man was boasting that ho had beeQ
married for twenty years and had never
giveu his wife a doss word. Those who
know him say he didn't dare to.
The latest zoological ouriosity is re
ported from Richmond, Va?a dog with
two tails 1 One of them, however, was
an ox tail, and tho dog earned it in his
mouth.