The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, March 28, 1874, Image 1
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GOD AJlSEE*-'- OUR OO?NTRT.
To ose.
VOLUME
_. ?
?^
SATURDAY JVfg.R^m^MARCH :-28v I8f4^
t*o?.
them ?44 .ai*$s ,-,t'o?wi iff aaitiJ
X'^?<5*^ ;*J es tail ?vj* #?iz>?3i
?*l ?rtri Ui? r^NSf H ?ttfju?t ^7
i .??so? at#i-.wr9 Vj ?Ural**? mdi mo-/
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W. PERRY MURPHY,
ATTORNRY AT LAW,
Will practice i?n t lie CourtHoi* Orange
^urg, Colloiou and Hum well.
f?b 7 3m
Drs. D. W. Bartca & Thos.
Legare.
Tlavrng nnited themselves in the practice
?of MEDIC INH-2 under the namo of
HAKTON A; LEG Alt E.
OtTers ?hei'.-- protcssfanal service* 'to tin*
'Town -of -Oirangebiir^ ?hd'fturrouhdihg
?Cowrrtry. -r&Ji>
Office b?\iTi f;-o;n 8 1o tl] A. M. and 7 to
Otlicv Market. Struct tw<> dijor.s below J.
Bl. Hamilton's St?re.
deo^ 1873
. ? "_ ' ? ? - ?_ _
mi. V, It TAB EIL
Xewisville, s. c,
(st. matthews p. o.,)
jnne5 1873
tf
If you have no Laud, so Kuy
as much ns you want on EASY TERMS at
the LAN.P ^OFFICE of
AUG. B, KNOWLTON.
nev 15. tf
If you haw More LnndL lu"?
yen can PAY TAXES on, Register it 'for
sale at the LAND OFFICE of
jQFVi.'<: ' AUG.B. KNOWLTON.
<'. ?-. >??
If you liuve ILonm L;uid tlinu
yea want, BUY MORE at'the
LAND OFFICE of
AUG. B. KNOWLTON.
LAND AaENX
The Undorsigncd has opened an OFFICE
forth* SALE of LAND.
Persons having, REAL ESTATE to dis
pose of will do .well to register the sumo
for sals.
LARGE ^FARMS subdivided and sold in
?ither LARGE or SMALL parcels.
GOOD FARMS for sale at from $2 to $5
per acre, on easy terms.
AUGUSTUS B. KNOWLTON,
Orangeb?rg 0. iL, S. C.
si ov 15 f
. .. ..w;-... -;-:-1
J. FELDER MEYERS,
TRIAt JUSTICE.
OFFICE COURT HOUSE SQUARE,
Will giro prompt attention to all business
ft isatruotcd to him, mar 20?tf
Browning' & Browning,
.ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
ORAJVGERUItG C, II., So.
Malcolm 'J> Bnowniaa.
.? }I,... .s . .? 2i _
^ A.- W- # now NINO.
"OY i
._
AUGUSTUS B. KNOWLTON
ATIOKNEY AND COUNSELLOR
.ftfWf t 2' ??ajus > ' ? '
AT LAW, ?
e^joiBO, s. c.
Jttly S i tf
t ,_fti_,_
W. Xr. W. BILEY
ilden*?o I? Fork of Edict to,
?II* BUSINESS,JSNTRU8TB;D} rill be
?fjmptly and ?arofully attended to.
Oi
A Night of Horror.
It wan night when I arrived home.
There was sorhothing s,o provoking in
tho darkness and utter quiet in whioh I
. found the premises wrapped that I de
termined to give a lovely surpriso ; but
nature, appculing to me on a vital point,
I dropped into the diuing room with tho
view of refreshing myself with a bite of
cold joint by way of preliminary.
Striking a light, I found that my
wants had becu anticipated, for there ou
the table lay the remains of a repast ?
breast of chickens, cakes,-'cheese and
what not. Being shurp set, I pitched
in, a glass of cold porter materially
assbting the process o( indigestion.
All at once my eye caught sight of u
mcerchuum upou tho mantle. N>?w
there id nethiug very alarming in a incur
cbaum 2>cr sc> hut when the uiecrokauui
is the property uf a stranger und is
found upou out's prumis-s during his
absence, it becomes "invested with an
importance which it could derive from
no other circumstance. Tbure is also a '
paper of Turkish tobacco. 'The fellow
bus a tntite, at all events/8Sld I, and I
filled and smoked, drank a buiuf,?r and
cogitated.
Now Maria knows I nrn not in the 1
least jealous ; knows it had never entered
my bead to suspect her of any impru
deuce; but this, to say the least of it,
had a very suspicious look about it but
nevertheless I drank again. Yet I pro
tested I was not jcul'tus. At .that mo
ment I started and sprang to my feet as
ifiit the touch of an elec ric b'atfciirj for
<"3i the acttce in the corner lay an im
pudent looking hat and cane, and even
n pa:r of gloves J To smash tho hat
into sinithcreeos, to todV the gloves into
tiaguicms, to .snap the cane into flinders
was di fic in a moment. I tck another j
bumper, and folding my arms, glare J
Miaji Mh-ully arnuit I. Not ill it I was
jealous ! U ! dear no ! ,
I resumed my heat and- pipe, tu
t-ugitatc uvi r of course the pr ?
ccetlurt; when I rccieved anotnc sbo k.
My cyr had uligh'.cl] ujmn n note which
had fallen uii.der. the .tattle. It w.i-:i
feminine baud 'Dear Charlie.' it ran,
'lJui t>o glad you've arrived. Sammy's
away. Don't stand upon ceremony.
We'll have such a uics timj ! Cold
lunch ami all agroable. Come ovor at
once.'
Sammy's my name. 'Perfidious wo
man ! * It is thus?'
I threw it into the fire r.fter stamping
on it. I- fortified myself with another
glaRs, took off my stockings, and started
up stairs. . On the way I tumbled over
a ettange cat in the kitchen.
In my ascent I suppose I must have
made some noise, far a strauge dog set
up a furious yell in the buck arau It
mny be as well to prepare for con tinge n
cies, I reflected, as I re-entered tho par
lor with a view to possessing myself of
a poker. Dark as it was. I secured the
desired object, and was retreating, when
I fancied somebody entnein on tiptoe.
Holding my breath, dodged past him,
and crept upstairs like a thief; not that
I was jealous but only to see what, was
going on. After a pause, during which
I could count the beata of my heart, I
tried tho bedroom door. It was not
locked nnd was dark within. A gentle
snore?not a rough, exasperating, rosk
less thing, but more of a musical moan
?came from the bod.
'She is a sleep',' mused I; 'the step of
a stranger's> toes was the trend of a cat.
Poor Maria! how could I so wrong
you V I disrobed and slipped in bed.
'Charles,1 how loug havo you bocu !'
raid a femiuiuc voice.
Gracious goodness?it was that of a
stranger ! a cold Perspiration broke over
me as I reflected upon the horrors of my
[ aquation. The bou e I had purchased
I was ono of a pair whioh had been built
cxaotly alike, aud coming home fatigued
and sleepy direct from the cars, I must
have entered my neighbors inauaiou
J instead of my owu!
j 1 pounced upon the flo u\
?Excuse me, dear,' I whispored, 'I
think I hear burglar?..'
?What?again? I think you must bo
mistaken.'
I'll go and see said T, aud huddling
on something I gropod my way to the
stairs, descending thom with a cold
feeling oil the way down my back,and
ereptinto tho basement. There I made
another appalling discovery?the clothes
I had put on wero somoboly else'.- and
not my own I
Safe on the sidowalk I gla?cod up at
the house from which I had escaped?
t^f;?-.- i ?'
thinking how should I manage to return
the borrowed toggery.
And it w:i3 my house, after all!
Kesolved on an explanation, I rung
the bell boldly. I heard the tip, tippety
tip of a puir of well known feet, and wus
at once iu the arms of Mrs. Spivins.
'Why, don't you remember, Sammy's,'
she said, in replying to my intcrroga
tion ; '1 told you brother Charles was
coining from* the country with his now
wife to pass u few days with ua. I have
given up 3our own bedroom.'
Well, hnvn't 1 beeu there and stolen
Charles' clothes while ho was after
burglars? The, note to Charlie was
sufficiently explained.
1 will never be jealous again.
All Invincible Hand.
now five jacks iikat fouh acf.s.
During the session of the XJnited
States District Grand Jury, a witness
was called before them named Set pin
Choteau, a hulf-brcod Creek Iudiau and
negro1, bright, sharp and intelligent. IIo
wa-? the last witueas to bo called before
adjournment that day. Alter examina
tion, aomo ono of the Grand Jury wh>
knew him asked" hinsiUl*-was the^ mau
who had four aces beaten.'
I He answered, 'Yes, sah; I'sc do man.'
?.Will you Have no objectiou iu telling
it ?
'l'se afeared it will got me into trou
ble: but if de Judgo is willyi,' appealing
to the foreman, 'I will toll it.'
?The Judge conscutcd, then Seipio
said:
'You sec T live on the cattle trail from
Texas through the Crock county to Kan
sas, and i was out ou-dc rdad otto day,
MMid meets a gentleman nhe.id a 4big drove
o! cattle.
? 'lie says 'Old mau do you live in
this country?.1
'1 sayn, "Yes sah.'
'He says, "It's a mighty poor [country
llow do yen make a livtu ?'
'I say?, -Sah. putty good country; w"c
has plenty meat um 1 b.ead, und L makes
n good Ii vi Ii' a
'He say, 'Old man, do you ever play
kcrtln!'
'I " iys, ' Ye* saMi ; I docs sometimes.'
'He says, 'Would you have any ]objcc
tiou to play a little draw?'
'I says, ' No snh.'
'So we gets off our horses, along side
dc road and sat down, and I pulls out
thu kerds. Well, in a short, time I beat
de gentleman out of sixty two dollars
and a half, und I tought I had him; so
I puts up a hand on him?for I is, do I
sny it myself, a mighty smart hand at
kerds?and 1 kuowed ho would hive
tree jacks and I would hab tree ncm,
and in the driw [ know'd he would git
the other jack and I would git de oder
ace. So he raises a bit, and I raise* on
buck, till at lust I put up all the money
I hud wiuned from de gemmcr. and all
de change I had, and I kuou'd I had
him. Well, in de draw dc geni got do
oder jack and 1 got do other ace. De
gent wanted to bet, but I churned a sight
fur de money, and told him I had au iu
wiuciblc hand dut couldu't be beat.
'He says, 'Ole man, dem is right good
britches you is got on; how much did
day cost?'
'I says, 'Yes, sah; dey coat mo ton dol
Inrs.'
'He says, 'T puts up ten dollars agin
dent '
'I says, 'Uerry well, sah; but I tells
you T got an inwinciblc h uid.'
'lie puts up de money, and I holds
up my le^s and he pulls of do britches
and lays dem down.
'Now, sir,' I says, 'I told you I had
an inwinuiblu baud. I'so got four
aces ,
? I?e gent says, 'Die man, d\d you ever
hear of five jacks boatiu' fu acoi?'jj
'I says, heard it sab, but I's never
seed it; and if you conwinco mc ob it, de
money's yourn-'
'Derry well, he says, laying dowu one
kcrd; 'ain't dut dc jack ob oluba?'
'Yes sah,' I says, 'dat am do jack of
clubs.'
'Ho lays down anoder kord;'ain't d it
do jnck ob gpados?'
'Yes, sah, dat is do jack of spades'
.' Ho lay down au .der; 'Aiu' dat do
jack ob diamonds?'
'Yea, sah, dot ia do jaok of diamonds .
'He put down anoder and says, Aiu't
dat do jack of hearts?'
'I nays, Yes sah, dat am do jaok of
hearts.'
'Dens he runs his hand iu his bosom
and^&u'Hs otjLk great long piBtoi* amf"
points it iit me and says, 'Ain't dat jack
(haul?' M .> ?. 1
?And Ho 8ay?,^'rPfi70iack^dr
don t dat.win do money7 , -
'I says, ' Ye> sub, dat' is J ack Haul,
and dat is fk*)'jacks', and fivo jacks beat's
? ' -? -tii 'A. ' > H ? la 9il> r i'fl fi
an tcwinctble nan 1.
?So be puts de monoy in hia pocket
and ties'my britches on hind "6b his
saddlo, and toils me to scatter?.ind.t '
K'i -w-' *:r>v-^?*I.i?*, 'fit ; u:vr.s! fl\;
d.d.
?You see, it served mo rig lit, for 1
tought de man was a green Missourian
when I put up de band on him; but lie
was a Arkansas cha p and I finds dem
mighty sharp, Judge.'
Tho above5 is vouched for by tho fore
man and several tuJinbors of tho Granl
Jury as a fact.? overy word of it.? Fort
Smith Jfrmld.
im j
A Nnrrovt Kscapo.
. ,? i ; n^itt is*3 9iew *ai?i
One evening, beforo Wichita, Kansas,
bad realized its hopes of securing a per
mniicnt pluco upon thoM map? so long
ago, in fact, aa the spring of 1871?a,
gcn'tlcinau registered his ,namo at the
IJfarris IIoujc, und announced his inten
?lou of stopping a few days in order to
Mc the country, and perhaps to buy
Jttpme land in tho neighborhood. After
dftiner be sought out the lat .dloi d, an J
- *? ?_ ,*?I-,To i *?
made a special ^request that, as he was
an Eastern man in eearoh of experience,
bo might have a bufl'ulo steak served for
hisbreakfast next morning.
[ 'Buffalo steak?'
'Yes. It is obtainable, isn't it? You
can get it hero? I'd be willing to pay
j for any extra trouble,you know..'
'Oh, no trouble. Fact is, I've not
i been able to'anything o{sc for a T/telt
or two past. J I was just goiug to apolo
gize for having given it to you at din
tier.'
The Eastern man looked as if he
thought himself sold, but still stu-A to
his request, because he wanted to know
how buffalo meat tasted ?heu be was not
wre-tliug with it tinder tha false i.n
prcssibn tliat it was Texas COW. And
tln n, finding the landlord sociable (for
no m no genial host than 11 m->e ever
made Iii^ house pleasant for .j?M guests
at his own lu.-s,,) he asked if the town
was quiet and orderly.
'OJi, yes, perfectly so. You Kastern
men fancy that wc are overrun with
despuradues out here, but you'll liud
. Wichita just as peaceful as a mau could
wish.'
At this point tho conversation was
brought to a clost. by the irruption of a
party* (if noisy men, of whom the land
lord explained to bis guest, as he went
to attend to thoui, that they were 'so ne
of Uurley Marshall's boys.'
'And who is Ourley Marshall?' asKcd
tho Eastern niau of u bystander as be
s-it down in a vacant chair.
?Cut ley is one of our celebrities,' was
the reply. 'He is to Wichita very much
what Buffalo Hill is to Abileue. Fine
fellow be is, too.'
But 'tho boys' approached, and the by
slander ineideutly moved away without
finishing bis eulogy, while the new
coiners jurrouuded the sitter before he
was fully aware of the situ ition; and
then he thought that be would not seem
in a hurry to get away. When, bow
ever, two of them began to practice
broadsword parries over bis bead with
loaded revelers of the 'navy' pattern, be
changed bis mind about the order of bis
going, and slipped out from betweou
them just as 'bong Dan,' growiug tired
of the fun, cocked bis revolver, and
leveling it at his friend's bead, said
briefly, 'Git out ut this! That's the
door.'
The other 'weakened' a nioneiit and
looked at Dan doubtingly.
'I mean it, by (1?d! You git, or I'll
plug you!'
He did 'git.'
There was laughter from the boys a
Dan looked grimly triumphant aud in
vited them into the bar-room ou his
?shwut.' 'Conic on, stningur!' said ho to
the Eastern man,seeing that tho latter
did not start forward. But tho Eaa.eru
man asked to bo excused, pleading tint
he didn't drink,
'Don't drink? You wou't drink with
me? Do you wean to iusult mo,
stranger?'
?No, sir, no?surely not. But I never
drink.'
?Look here, stranger! I don't like a
man to say that he's too good to dri.ik
with ine. I'm Loug Dan Cowee;' and
the speaker looked dangerous.
?*? rJ?he Eastom man thought he had:
bVttqf^dfink>i %i?ai joi?wm k(1
V Iieiiaggcd lasti? the orowd, howo*er,
And^eatisGcd thut hh) jabsenco would not.>
be, noted, stole out o,t tho baok door.aud
hung round behind the kitchen .until
'the boys' should have gone. Presently
he thought ho heard them, in the street,,
1 and looked rouud the corner of the house
to .see. There came a bright flash, right
in his face, a report, and a handful of
shot rattled against tho fence uoar him,
while with a yell ''tho boys' went ou
j down the street, discharging thoir ro
volv?rs iu the'air.
' , ? V '? - ' iiib ...' --
Will You go lo Bed.
THE XliOffBLE THAT A. DUU.UHIt FELL
7" neun?!?* ( t^lNio'/fc1? *i >I .?u???i?r.
hi S ...v
I fiiad'T" '?'Kl?)'- iiwmfli?
THE WESTERN MODE OF OETTINO MAR
RIED, AKD nOW HE FUOJ.KO THE LADY
? peanuts *wV mU9>U v ?u w *-*j , '.'
f?
At Hig Crock, Arkansas, they hare a
pecuiiar custom which sometimes proves
embarrassing. Ah there is no preacher
within thirfy,miles, the way for marry
ing is by kissing across a table. Recent
ly a New York drummer wits out here,
lie put up at private house, and became
quit intimate. Uno evening ha was
fooling around one of the girls, general
ly trying the extent of her sweet temper
when she gave his whiskers a pull und
ran. He followed. She.got the table
between them. When out of breath ho
Btoppcd ou the other aide; making a
wild plunge, caught ii^r in his arms,
and gave a hearty kits. She ihau sat
down on tho aofa, and thoy talked pleas
anlly for a Couple of hours?ho think
ing it singular that .she should sit up ^o
into.- ? ^.-r ? '?"???'v. ? -"c
At last she said, 'Don't you thiuk it's
about tiiL-e went to bod?'
'I guess you arc right'' be remarked:
?let's go.'
She lit a candle, nud ho wa* about to
do the M'l'e, when the sii 1, '1 redend
one's eno igh. On.e caudle will light
two folks to bed.'
?I'ndoubt -dly it would when tho<o
two p joplu occupiel the same room.
15u' yu.ur candle will u >t illuminate my ?
chamber.'
Ain't wo goin.: to occupy the same
COom? Ain't we married?'
'Ain't wc what? shouted the gcutle
man.
'Married! Didn't you kias mo across
tho table ? That married us.'
A cold sweat spread over tha drum
iner. 11c knew that if he said he wasn't
married to her she would make an out
cry, and then her loviug nud much to
hacco consuming father would arise iu
his wrath and carve him into cutlet*,
and her brothers would down their shot
gnus and empty the coutents into him
him. lie must he strategic, lie must
put her off. So he said.
'Fairest of your sex, permit me to ro
mark that I did not know that kissing
aoross the table constituted a marriage
ceremony; but I am content. I have
never seen one who so completely filled
my ideal of a beautiful, sweet, loviug,
and modest woman. However, L would
ucver think of holdiig you to this-mar
riage until I had asked the permission
nt your lather to pay my addresses to
you. To morrow, at dinner when the I
entire fumily are proaont, 1 will propote j
your fair hand.'
This satisfied the lady, and bestowing
npon hsm a fervent kiss, shj went to lur
room nud be to his. Ho packed his car
pe -bag, to> k oft' his boots, and made
tracks for tho nearest tuilroad station;
He didn't feel entirely saio until ho
reached St. Louis; He hasn't informed
his wife of this liltlo adventure. He's
afraid she might writs out to Arkansoa
for the facts in the case, and then he
might get arrested for bigamy: Women
somitiiues won't listen to reason, you
know;
??????? ? ? ??????
A gcntlomau was once riding in
Scotland by a bleauliing ground where
a poor woman was at work watering her
wt;bs of lineu cloth Ho u>ked where
she >vunt to church, what sho hud hoard
on the preceding day, aud how much she
remembered. Sh: c^uld not even tell
the text of the last) sermon.
"And what good oun tho preaching
doy<?u," said he, "if you forget it all?"
"Ah, sir," repliod tho poar woman,
"if you will look at. this web on tho
grass, you will soo as fast us ever 1 put
tbo water ou it tho situ dries it all up,
and yet,, sir, I sec it gots whiter aud
whiTcr."
One of Beau Hick man's Tricks.
j ?i nifefi (M i ?'si?4 B* ?* *o ?*??;
Beau ooco made a raid on the Balti
more reatauranta. He determined to
dine well that day, or know' the reason
why. He walked ln> Gay's saloon and/j
asked for the proprietor.
"> 'Sir,' said he, 'I Want the bsst dinner
y.o!u can eijTOjDw/r ^^>..^ t^sjbfJJBJJ
'All, righ if sir,' js^bi.. }l t. G uyj 'walk, -
in hero,' showing him into a n?at little
i private rotdivQ t9 "*<M|afll tofol
The Beau ate and drank of the best,
and just after he had finished his oup
of cafe moi'r and had lit bis cabana, a
servaut entered with a folded paper on
a silver waiter, whioh ho gravely handed
to the Beau. ? r?iV, ., ? ,
'What is this? inquired the Beau.
'Be bill, sab,' sail the waiter. ,
'Bill; I don't want any bill. Ask the
proprietor to come here.' 0 M3**j
'1 he proprietor appeared bowing aud
smiling, he hoped there was nothing
wrrmg, and that his guest had liked his
dinner.
1 liked the dinner well enough, and
the wiuc,' said Beau Hickinau, 'bat I
want to know what this means.'
'That's the bill, air,' said the'proprio
tor- ] til afe Jmu' t>& jsvJ? ?o-iiitx ^[?^a
'Well, I never .pay and bills, lam
Beau Hick man. I don't pay anybody .
Besides you have no right to charge me
for this dinner;- I asked you for the
best dinner you could give mo.'
. 'Well, Beau, you have rung iu on me
and got tho better of me fairly. Now
I'll not only forgive you for this trick,
but I'll give you 925 if you will play
this trick on tho St. Clair, on the other
ndc of the *if.''
The next day the Beau fared sump
tuously at the St. Clair, and tho scene
was re enacted, i Tha.bill waspre*em\ed
and the proprietor wound up with,
I 'Beau, I'll give you ?50 if joo w ill play
tbis off on Guy.' rag
' My dear sir,' said the Beau, 'why
didVt I call here first? Guy. has paid
me S25 to play it on you.'
A professor of Cornell University
recently published a number of hints as
to ''What to do in case of eccident."
One of these was a* follow* : "Ifyuu
choke, get down on all fours an 1 cough,"
One of our neighbors ? Wonlwird ?
read this, an 1 determined to remiiubor
it. Bay before yesterday he w?s eating
bis dinner alone, and ho choked upon a
piece of beef. Instantly ho got down
on all fours and began to cough. .Tu it
then, Mrs. Woo 1 ward came in, and the
impressiou made upon her by Wood
ward's extraordinary attitude and.his
barking was that he had suddenly boon
attacked with hydrophobia. So she
first seized the pitcher of water, and
took it from the room. Then she a nit
one of tho girls up stairs for th-s mat
tress, which was thrown ovor Wood
ward, while Mrs. Woodward and the
family sat on it and held hitu d >W4.
The madder he got the mire alarmed
was Mrs. Woodwnrd; and the more he
swore and foamed at his mouth, the
more she insisted on the hired girl giv
ing an extra turn of the clothes line
around his leg and tying hi u to the
.stove. When the doctor ca'mo>, he
pulled Woodward's arm from under the
mattress and'bled him, and put fly
blisters on his feet, and promised to
come round in tho sveningand shave
his scalp so as to relievo his brain.
When the doctor called that night,
Woodward had a prize-fight with him in
the parlor, aud after sending the medi
cal man up to tho bath-room to wash
the blood from his nose and cool his eye,
Woodward went out to hunt for (he
Cornell professor. The.ro will be pain
aud anguish in that institution of learn
ing when Woodward arrives. Ho mesas
WAT to tho knife.
[_Max Atlelcr.
"Some, years ago," said Old Hank)
'I took a bed bug-to an iron foundry,
and dropped it iu tho ladle where tho
melted iron was, and had run into the
skillet. Well, my old woman aaod that
skillet pretty steady for the last six
years, and here tho other day she broke
it all to smash, and what do you think,
goutlcment, that ere insect just walked
out of his hole where he'd been lying
liko a frog in a rook, and rnado tracks
for his roost up stairs! But by George,
gentlemen, ho looked triigkf? paM"
? ?.- i 11 in ?nil' -? ?
What is the difference botweon a far
mcr and a buttle of whiskey? Ooehua
bauds tho corn aud the other cores the
husbands, <
,tr?oM
Kathei'Points'
fffeiS M&'pSf ^
about the prodigal son aal tat, fatted
calf?'
. ?Well, air, can you tell me whether
tho calf tlut was killed was aF male or a
fetiallr,t*'S,,rfl biatrwft? tar.
'Yea, it was a female.'
? ?How ab you know- that?' r*
'Why, beoause/ eaid Roese,:'ldokiag
the chap in the faco. 'I see the male is
still ali ire.. ; ' i . :
& 1 . ?1
Not to be Sor.i).?Bishop Qeorge
would novcr have his portrait taken. {Iff ..
,1 were to/ said he, 'I would be engraved
and hung in some good brother's parlor, :
ana by-and-by tho good brother, would;
fail in business or die, and hia effects
would be put up for public sale, and .
the voluble auctiouo r would come across
me in a pile of housohold trumpery, and,
as ho held me suspended by thumb and
forefinger, he would cry, 'Now, gentle,
men, herb's your chaucol your onl^
chance! ; perhaps your last chance to buy.
a bishop! How much ami bid for a
! bistnp? Twolve and a half cents for o>.
bishop! Only a York shilling for a
Methodist bbshop! Do I hear anymore?
Goiogl" going! gone! Only twelve and
a half coots?dog cheap ?for a Metho
dist bi?hop!'
I i 11 '1 Ml? ? Hill
i?wj^. Now Hampshire clergyman, spend- v
ing the summer for the sake ofhia health
on Star Island, volunteered to preach
in an unoccupied ehurah during hi*
stay.' The. church. '.wa--r ticcordingly,
opened",?fc^nany ^w?%nrcd to. tbi?fer''"
y\jrfGmw>~-^? ? Jinuip^fl'tKQ season.
Hut he did not learu how highly his.
efforts were appreciated Until Im depar
tore, whan his maguauimou.s listeners
sent him a bill for the us* of the oh arch.
_1.1 ??,
Whon a lovdy woman stoops to.oflia*
holding, she may be suspected tho same
as any other public servant. Mis a Belle
Murray, who has been acting as deputy
clerk of tho Circuit Court of McLean
,1 County, 111., is charged with embozzlo
ment, and her trial is in progress at
Blootningtou.
The gato of a faste age?investigate.
Evasion from truth is affiliatiDO with
falsehood.
The greatest bet that was ever made
?the Alphabet.
A man of honor respect his ward as
he does his boud.
'Yiu can't do that again,' said the
pig to the boy who cut his tail off.
The cheapest of lawyers?keeping
one's own council.
Two Irishmen were iu prison?one
for stealing a pin, the other for atealiug
a needle.
Questionable?when a man marries a
poetess, docs he take her for better or
for verse?
It is apparent that a great many
children get on tho wrong track because
the switch has been misplaced.
A Chicago clergyman preaohod a cor
mon in a billard saloon last Sunday.
He made niueto< n points.
One thing, said an old toper, was
never seen coming through the rye, and
that's the kind of whiskey one getsnow
a days.
It is said that two Iowa lovers wilj
sit up half the night with only one
chair in the room, but that's easily es
plainod to any one who has been there.
'Mono-poets' is the now uamo for per
sons who write but on? bit of a verse
aud then die. This isn't the kind of a
poet that soods pieces to the papers.
When women war 'gaiuafc rum and
beer, 1 and close for aye each drinking
place; then shall thr salty, silent toar
roll sadly down eaoh lunoh fiend's face.
It is said that a belle of oar oity get*
bat three hoars' sleep per day1 during
the fashionable season. Au exchange
think it is enough for '-or intellect.
A man was boasting that he had been
married for twenty years and had never
given his wife a cross word. Those who
know him say he didn't dare to;
The latest zoologioal ourionity is re
ported from Richmond, Va--a dog with
two tails 1 One of them, however, was
an ox tail, and tho dog carried it in hid
mouth,