The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, January 06, 1872, Image 1
ALWAYS IN ADVANCE
NUMBER 47
THE ORANGEB ?RG S|pS
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? THE WHITEST HANDS
OR
WDO SHALL WIN THE PRIZE?
This is not the 6tory of a king, but of
at humble peasant girl ; the Bccne is not
laid iu a camp, but in a village, at a
time when Bonaparte's wars had not
yefrgiveu to the simple u*mn of Berna
dette (Jittle Bernard) tho historic glow
?which, still surrounds it.
A niau and his wifo had an ouly
daughter, and they were s> proud ol her
?th?e <ho had scarcely come iuto the
world when they began to think of hot
marriage .Th.o.man, (aboring with the
greatest pernevorance, sought to accum
ulate for her one of thos?! attrnetiv?
-.aillNyi?? la^-inate rich_ Younu
bachelors; tho wile seconded his eTTofts
a i courageously, grubbing iu the ground
all day nnd scheming all night, con
.stautIY preparing the bride's outfit, that
she loll sick aud died, uot being willing
to call iu the doctor, that she might save
the cost of the rouicdies.
Father Hugh, left alone with his
?daughter, was only the more anxious to
aave ;t son-in-law, some sturdy laborer
possessing a competence, one who would
iusuroboth the prosperity of his house
"iftlTfhe happiness of bis beloved Eer
nadotto.
When she got to be eighteen years
-ace there was no lack of suitors. Father
Jlufjh o^rcd to his avarice the reputa
tion of a ir-an in easy circumstances;
?on* who had cleverly turned his pennies
ito"account by making short loam* nt a
?rate of interest uot sanctioned by the
^ code; but all young mcu wishing to
marry took very good care not to re
proach him with auy infraction, of the
atatute; the siu would remain with the
father-in-law, nnd the profits with the
grandchildren; ho they rubbed their
bauds and repeated the universal pro
verb, 'Tis an ill wind that blows no
Bernauotte, worthy of her si/.o in
economy sod iu activity, trudged to
towu every forenoon to sell her c!r.? k ;n*.
"?""*"*?05?"- "- ^"^ .|1?V*U?'|J *? CM
countered yonug Micoutet, tho plough
man, wlio would drive up his oxen to
the end of the furrow by the roadside,
? ml keep them standing d long time to
;bid her good morning, and to chat with
her about the rain, and the Gue weather,
nnd the chickens, and the cows, and the
growing corn, and tiio beans that wore
about drying. Bcmndottc, no matter
what might, be her haste to got to mar
ket, always had n few moments to spare
for her taikutiyo little friend, and even
after leaving him to go b>tek repeatedly
to answer, as far as he. could make her
henr llj'tm, the last kind words which he
.sent after her over (he hedges.
Arrived at the market place, the first
customer whom Bernndotle usually
found there was the young baker, Cas
tcrcz, who, under the pretext of exam
ining her eggs and fruit, prolonged t he
conversation a full hour, praising the
bright foiitherK of the chickens, their
re mark a Lie plumpness, und bestowing
u thousand compliments on tho clever
housekeeper who knew how to get them
iuto such a nice condition. Passing
from words to acts, he would bargain
for the entire lot, appear perfectly satis
ficd with the price, and carry tho banket
off to hit; shop, whero tlfe fuir merchant
always found some refreshments and a
?couple of nice iaiis garnished with
sweetmeats. V
Bermulotte, on returning Imme from
market, ligbtcued of .Jher load, pus-ed
before the shop of the. hairdresser Fir*
niin, a youug damjy us frizzled and
smoothly shav&l as belittle St. John
tb^^roccsst?W^tho%c/? Die?. M.
/-fFjrntrn* had jujtt Completed- his tour
HBKToyBh Fi'ftnco,fsWstinted on a handsome
I sign Iii. big letters, adorned with a pair
I uT- pcisBfjrs ond a razor, after the- fashion
of a bernldio shield stumped with a
double device. .
*?eigh! Beruadotte,' exclaimed the
artistic? barber, 'have you any eggs to
sell mo to-day ?'
Beruadotte nodded affirmatively. She
had been careful to conceal a dozen from
the wholesale buyer, Csstorez, purpost.lv
to have some left fur M. Firmin. Pru
denco is the mother of certainty. Mi
I coutet was undoubtedly very attentive.
Caslcrcz very devoted, but M. Fiimit:
was no Uss ugrccuble, und nobody knew
wbut might happen.
Tho eggs were accordingly handed to
M. Firmin, who fuuud thoir freshness
worthy of her who- brought them. Far
from attempting to abate the price, he
added to the money be gave her a small
flask of lavender water or cake ofseeut
ed sonp. He wanted to know bow Fath
er Hugh was, and nil about Barqncttc,
the cow, whose excellent milk ^maintain
ed tho rosy hue of the milker's cheeks,
and about the sheep providing th* wool
with which to kuil those pretty stockings
so snugly fitting those little feet. M.
Firmin, iu bis tour through France, bad
become very impertinent; bis prcsump
tion might have offended the young rus
tic had not her interests obliged her to
dissimulate, and to be somewhat tolerant.
He asked her to bring him eggt the
next day, und butter every time isb>
emptied her oburi] ; and notwith.statid;
iug bis impertinence?a fault in young
tncu which young girls often complain
of to satisfy their consciences?llerna
agreeable as be wss attentive.
M icon tot the ploughman, was daily in ;
tho field, no mull r what might be the
state of the weather, and ttt the earliest
liuur. because he could not sleep in hi.s
suxicty to see daylight and Bern id >Ue ;
and he became so worn out by this way
uf living, that ho resolved to gel back
both bis sleep and usual traiiqiulity.
He betook himself to the father of her
who hud robbed him of his reposo, and.
cap in hand, with downcast eyes and a
stammering voice, spoie to him for a
long time sbout Bernadette, praising her
vigorous arms, made for work, and tV.e
good health apparent in every form and
feature, and iiually demanded her baud.
Father Hugh did not say yes, and
still less 110. He knew lull well the val
ue of thn.-e little words of low letters ;
like Iiis c lins, be would not let thetu go
without cortaiti guaranteed of their being
proper)} placed. LIo put off the young
man to the follow ng Sunday, ami. in
the men-mime, communicated the propo
sal to bis d tugbter.
'Micontet is it very nice young man,'
said Beruadotte. '1 stop and talk with
him every morning on passing hi-* farm
He bus line oxen, good fields and an ex
cellent vineyard. Castorcz, the baker,
however, appears also to good advantage; |
I -._?1 - - ? t- - . .? -I.I ? .. . v .
'Castcrez, tba b..k? r I' replied Father
Hugh, in a reflective mood. 'By Our
Lady, there is always bread ou a baker's
counter V
* A11 ? 1 tarts on the dinner table," added
! ternadottc?
'L will find out, my child, what the
baker means before; deciding.'
'His meaning, lather, is plain enough.
Ho buys every morning all ihm 1 tuk ?
to town, and without higgling about the
price, plcasa you. ii" L were to a*k him
double, be Would not make (be slightest
object ion.
'Without higgling about tho pric?
repented Father Hugh, who did nol do
business in that way. 'That young fel
low is very much smitten ! We Will look
into the matter, Hernadott?:; and it his
granary and bis purse are as well stocked
with flour and eubh us bis benlt seems to
be with love, we will try to make some
arrangement*.'
father Hu^h Btrodooff to town to HOC
the baker, who, delighted with ibis pro
ceeding, showed himself deeply enamor
ed.
?Which of the two?' exclaimed . .ib
cr Hugh to hituself. 'Tho thing Works
well. ; We'will'act tbera to competing;
goods in demand increase "in value.'
Ho returned home, and connnuoicat
ing the baker's featiuients to bis, daugh
ter, promised her to ?decide quicntfjg
whieh of the two i^would be the best.to
marry.
'The baker is a, very nice young man,'
.said Bernadette, tbe same as she had
said of the ploughman Micoutet, 'but
there is another, the hairdresser Firmtn.
He buyssms ething uf ine every day, und
keeps me an hour, talking about lifs tour
through France, the yurn my stockings
are made of, aud my good milch cow.
He assures me that be has never s^en
nuy ouo more eugagitig than she whom
he has the pleasure of looking at when
ho looks at me.'
'The coinp!iiiieut.-> of a barber!' in
terposed Father Hugh. 4Ev ,-rybody
knows what they are worth ! No mat
ter?the work progresses; competition
among thrcB makes tho profit all the
greater! Wo will ><?>? tue hairdresser;
my dear, ami find fittf \ ii >t ? expect
from iiis admiration.'
Hugh ;'gain returned to town, whore'
he had an interview with M. Finnin;
aud, ns he knew that the larger the coin
pany o{ buyers the more active the bid
ding, he invit'd each of the competi
tors to come to his house the following
Sunday alter inuSs.
'Humph J' he muttered to himself, as
he canvassed the situation, 'the plough'
mau courts my daughter, but without
neglecting his work or spending a farth
ing; tH% baker is doing the same thing,
loitering about the market place, aud
spending his money to win tho skIcs
woman; the barber ovcrwholmns Borna
dotte witji fulsome compliments ami
trifling presents. There is no hurry
things can he cleared up aud the char
ttcters of these galluuls tested, to make
them solve one of my riddles.'
Wluu Sulid. y came Uernadotte made
herself look as beautiful as the virgin
queettufu Sfitj tlay fc.viv.il. She put
on her best Scotch muslin cap, Calico,
*. clticoat, red oilon handkerchief an i
morocco sht'os. and awaited the appear
....(? ? of her-aiioii. who, on presenting
tie-in Oivesj i"' e"fat !?er\vT-uiTT::t l'iTxiWi??
terms :
'You three wish to provido a husband
lor m\ daughter, and you all cherish
t!i ? same object. A custom obligeshor
to r- j<.c; two in the selection of one; s ie
must proceed cauti msly in thi> ever- uu
certain lottery, livery sub dar who goes
to college passes five or si< yours iu as
certaining whether he will wear the
Ulli form Ol a soldier, the robes of u
law) er, or that of :i doctor; A young
gill may be excused if she asks eight
days to deeite what kind of a nooao ?he
will put around her neek. Come back
here next Sunday, my friends, in your1
best attire; I am a little particular in the
iuterests of my dear lleriiadotte, and I
have always I . oomcwhat superstitious 1
in ti.e matt r of tidiness. Vou must not i
he surprisi ii if you set? mo give in)
daughter to tho one fc/cu shall sh uc nit
//<?' whitest ho nth."
Father Hugo uttered these lust words
wiih marke 1 iuiphusis.
Micotilcl was almost ready to die with
griet. Winking iu the Quids |iud iuadc
Iiis bunds drier than so much pumice
?tone. The baker, and barber, on the
contrary, always working in butler or
soap, had hands us soil as the satin folds i
of a d uehe.-s's dress.
i iio-i.-.-r.-.r.'Vr-.-r-f.s.;',- ??
asida, regarding tbe forthcoming strug
?lo us calculated only for oi \ gallants !
fhu latter, uiiiuiutcd by rtjtialiy well- '
lotiuded hopes, spent toe w . I? in ctt.ug
their hands in proper i umiiiou, using |
uii'iuent- tifiho most mollifying char e \
tor, and they became us fragrant and as !
wh to :n p >ss '?ie, which stimulated their I
pride to tho highest d igroo.
Micoutet had UOt even the courage to
wash his hands iu tho brook, so interior
tiid he regard himself to ihesu town
geutry. Iiis grandfather Simon' per
fectly familiar with the world ever since
he hud stumped through it on his old
crutches, and who was covertly regard
iug Iiiiii through bis white eyelashes,
comprehended his cmban\nsinoiit und
cams to his {resistance.
?Micoutet, my boy,' said he. huodi ;.
him u little gray bag covered with du l.
?put th.it in your p i kol ami keep v-atr
appointment at Katlior Hugh's. When
the time comes to show .your hands,
plunge them into this bag, and tilt (hem '
with the unguent it contains.'
'But, gr.iudi.ither. ill.) ski i is us dark
ami uoai'su ns tho bark of au oid iree.
How can you?--?"
'Follow uiy ndv/ice, my Mj. The
washbull I gave to you is ao fcfficacioua,
that the most obdurate spots t$U ?ot re
sist its action. Its use is of "*<try aneiant
date, and time has fitJt diai&ushcd its
virtue.'
Micoutet took tho soap-bajr, and re
sorted to Bornudotte's houfe^The baker
and the barber were nofentr behind
him. ,
Casd-rez first showed InM&gers; they
wero whiter (bun the b$gnom of the
dogrosc. The hair-dresser theu dis
played bis. und tbey luukc?'fi fresh aa a
lily but just iu bloom. ty?iow came
Micoutet's turn. Firmin af|d Custerea
began to laugh as be drc|* his bnge
hands from his pickets aqdybeld them
forth \vh".n Father Hugh jittered a cry
of admiration, lor they W0i|) filled with
bright and beautiful crown.
? A b * mv b-?y. that is -die real dura
bio whiteness which I lotiaT Beruadotte
i> \o;:c . Ii.r you have com*;ed her with
in b-ti\i--u your field, ?t)l you know
ih" wii.tcness most appreciated in the
i an.; ol a soti-iu-law.' >?
The two abashed aud we candidate*
returned to their shopsiifith their cars
banging lower than a horad after losing
a bare. Beruadotte and jfieoutct good
nature lly invited them totheir wedding
fand they bad wit eno|S*h to go, as
townsmen hardly ever. iAglect to enjoy
what is good in tbjg&welliug of a
disdained peasant. TnVhappy couplo,
happy as everybody nEgrith as much
money us good temper, iwored through
out their lives to swojjyne coatcuts of
the soap bag, the gift of their venerable
?ruudfather.
A TILUILLING INCIDENT.
In 1S43 a nroumaW?pe occurred iu
tho city or New Orlwr whioh at the
time created an cxciteMOt that affected
the entire popuhitioQ^kq old merchant
highly eouuected, fffljfftj aud uf dis
tiuguished social, pfjjgtin. one uight
mysteriously disapjflNH,. 'Iiis family
v.?o e in inten.-!! ?-Ii.ii: ..e*? and bis ousi
ness hi dis iidcr. licfgjft his store at a
_'itf in 'if 'l>'^ '^iiaj?i_jl_.1' '"' " ' ' 'u
before uoing, coutrary to bis usual prac
tice, put into his pocket a large sum of
ui nicy.
Mis way led along Peters street, ou
the bank of tho river, but far down iu
the Thild district of tho city. His life
uia? have been sacrificed and bis body
thrown into the flood that rolled at his
feet Police regulations at that time
were bad, and, and crimes of this de
scription were not unfrcqueutly pcrpc
tluted. A little way back from the
street was a ruinous building, half tum
bling to decay, and inhabited by a num
ber oi p uplc, men and women iuured in
vice and living by robbery.
Among the bank notes "Mr. Crosby
was known to possess was one for S?0U
with the word ''Canal" written on tho
buk The rest wcreol various denomi
nations ?nd with peculiar identity.
Mr 1- mid myself visited the
residence of the missing man, at. the re
quest of his wife, and by her we were
charged with the duly of tiAoingout and
bringing to justice his supposed murders
She Aas a tail elegant looking lady, of
com natidiiig presence and great culture.
; li< wealth <?!' her rieh beauty and fine
mind were inherited by her daughter, a
scarcely tweu y. Tb? terrible be
.... . . i.-.i i .1... _?...,?. ? r
the m it her, but bad aroused tin; energy
Ii i liio ol the young girl's nature.
More like a beautiful Nemesis than an
or litiary woman she appeared to us. As
we entered the room sbo was in the act
id consoling the mother. The long
hla< k hair had escaped from its confine
ment and bad illlllOat enveloped her per
son in its ebony trcsaca Tho grcnl
luminous eyes were tearful, but flashing
sittd full of fire. The fae.o was d irk with
thy blood of bei* Spanish race, bat the
figure was queenly, slender and faultless
to a model. Stalling up as wo entered
the room, she inquired very hastily, and
almost fiercely I t nought?
'Arc you the detectives?'
?We arc,' and I mentioned our names.
T must speak to you in private,' she
said, and led the way to an adjoining
a pa i Uncut.
?What do you think of the matter,'
she asked when out of bearing of her
mother.
?As yet an opinion would be mete
guess work,' i replied.
?.Nevertheless 1 have come to one. 1
have no doubt that he was murdered
ami tb.it lhe deed was committed some
where near the old ruinous building near
the river.'
'Some such Idea lias cross-d my mind,
bat there is no trace as yet which can
lead to the proof of it.'
'We will find it out, rest assured, she
said, and to this end you must co-operate
with me, and now listen to what 1 huro
to say. To-night at 12 o'clock precisely
do you two visit tho old building. I will
be there. Ask for tbe young woman
who applied at nightfall to them for
shelter. Let your object be, apparently,
to arrest her.'
'But I do not understand.'
'But you will. I am going there at
dark, disguised as a beggar girl. By the
time you come my iuformation will have
been collected.'
'I will read tho guilty secret,' she said
If tbe criniiual is there, however deep
in his heart he may bury it.
Strange us it may appear, I made uo
attempt to dissuade her from her purpose
I could not understand. I felt as if the
beautiful creature exercised over me a
magnetic control.
Those acquainted with the city nt
tb'iB period can form seme idea of the
danger of tho plot we had formed. To
us it was a matter of daily occurrence.
But fir the young girl, inexperienced
and tenderly nursed, to thrust herself
into the very house of the unscrupulous
and desperate wretches who wcro sus
pected of this crime, was simply appall
ing. It would not do, however, to go to
the place before the hour appointed for
our coming, for that would defeat the
object in view. It was therefore with
many a misgiving nud uneasiness but
poorly concealed, we bided our time.
But wa determined to be there at the
very moment, and the clock was on the
stroke of midnight when we knocked at
the door. The outside jof the house
gare no signs of life within. The shut
ters were securely fastened, and no ray
of light penetrated the datkness; but
mufiled sound of voices reached our ears
until our knocks hushed them to a whis
per. There was a momentary hesita
tion, as if counseling together, aud theo
tho dour was opened wide.
It was a log lotiw room, dusty and
brown from hge. About a dozen per
sons were seated urouud, but euery eye
was turued to the door. Two men had
risen to their feet uud stood in an atti
tude which might mean defence, betere
the fireplace; but the object that attrac
our attention was a young girl sitting
in the corner of the apartment. Her
face was as dark as a gypsy's, and the
long hair hung loose on her shoulders;
her dress was a poor material ragged
and unclean. Patches and rents ha I
almost changed its hue aud disguised
its texture. She seemed too thinly olad
for that cold night, and her aleuder
frome shivered as if from cold us tho
chill air from the open door swept in.
'What do you want?' was the stern
questiou addressed to us by one of the
men at the fire. Before 1 had time to
reply the girl sprang to her feet and
spake instead:?"Arrest these men!'
Her voice was low, but her face flashing
on the light of the fire, was that of the
Nemesis I had seen that day.
There was a short fierce struggle, and
the men were in our power. The girl
then walked to a placj in the floor, and
touched a concealed spring lifted a trap
door. She hub: Mr. I. lift the box that
lay iu the hidden place. The lid wa*
..-..(V nnA in.it wer? the old
merchant's money, papers and pocket
book. With tho money was found the
hill and word ?(.'anal,' written across its
back.
It w if not long before the mon con
fessed their crime. The old muti had
been murdered aud his body thrown
into the river.
The daughter accomplished her mis
sion. She had carried out her design
and traced to their hiding places the.
proofs ol the murderers' crime. It is
useless to state what followed Long
years have fled since then, und the Ne
measis is yet among the living. Beauti
ful still, there arc many hearts to grow
glad at her smile and share with her tho
joys of the home she charms.
'Mother,' said a little boy, 'I've got a
bad headache and a sore throat, too.'
'Well, you shall have sum* medicine,'
said the mother.
'It's no matter,'retorted the shrewd
urchin, 'I've got 'cm?but they don't
hurt me.'
Coming to grief?Meeting trouble
half way.
Cool Customer*.
A philosopher thus discourses on cool
people :
I huvo read of people who were too
calm aud complacent. Of such a cha
aotor, I think, was the conductor who,
when he run over a man, said he never
liked to do it, because 'it mussed up the
track so.'
And speaking of saws, and following
up this train of thought, I may mention
a young man from the couuty who went
into a hardware store, and, rapping a
great buzz-saw with his knuckles re
marked :
'I had an old dad ripped to pieces
with one of them fellers last week.'
I think that young man exhibited too
little emotion for tho occasion. It show
ed a lack of filial affection only compara
ble to that of a boy belonging to a pri
mary school in Manchester, X. II., who
assured his schoolmaster that he would
soou be aide to indulge iu his favorite
sport on the river with the boat of them.
'Father,' said he, 'is going to wnr, and
when he gets killed I'm going to have
I his fish-line.'
As cool a person, under the circum
stances, as I ever heard of, was a youug
nobleman who, iu a frightful railway ac
cident, missed his valet. Oue of the 1
guards came up to him and said :
'My lord, we have fouud your servant,
but he is cut in two.'
'Aw, is he ?' said the young man with
a Dundreary drawl, but still with some
anxiety depicted on his couatcnaucs.
"Will you be good enough to see in
which halt he has got tho key of my
carpetbag V
To a sensitive mini his anxiety seems
to have been misplaced.
The same unconsciousness to the aw
ful aspects of death wai exhibited by a
man in New Jersey in 135 4, who was
employed to convay to his friends tbe
bedy or a Mr. Wilson, who had died
about fifty miles fron h>ms, of .the
cholera. Ou finding the house, he
kuoeked at the door, an 1 tho wife of the
deceased opened it.
?Docs Mr. Wilson live here ?'
'Yes,' said the lady ; 'but he is not at
home to-day.'
'No, T know he ain't,' said the young
uian with a aoothiu : voice, thinking to
break the news gently ; 'but ho will be
in a minute, 'causo I've got him here
dead in my wagon.'
There was a still more reprehensible
moral obtuseness in the remark of a man
who ioqaircd of a sheriff tho night ba
fore the appointed day :
'I say, Mr. Sheriff, at whit hour doaa
this littlu affair of mine conie oil?'
Lovk, Fortune, or Position.?
Who marries for love, takes a wife; who
marries for fortune takes a mistress;
who marries for position, takes a lady.
You are loved by your wife, regard-id
by your mistress, tderate I by your
lady. Vmi have a wife far yourself, a
mistress (or your house and friends, a
lady for the world and society. Your
wife will agree with you, your mistress
will rule you, your lady will manage
you. Your wile will take care of your
household, your mistress of your house,
your lady of your appearances. If you
are sick, your wife will nurse you, your
mistress will visit you, your lady will
iuquirc after your health. You take a
walk with your wife, a ride, with your
lady. Your wife will share your grief,
your mistre-s your money, and your
lady your debts. If you die, your wife
will s.'ccp, your mistress 1 uncut, :iud
yoat lady will wear mourning. Which
will you have '!
One of our citizens went to the c^rs
to see his daughter off. Securing htr a j
s at, he passed out of the cars and went
??ound to her window to say a parting
word, .is is frequently dono on such
occasions. While be was passing out
the daughter left the seat to -peak to n
friend, aud at the same time a prim
looking lady, who occupied the scat
with her, moved vip to the window.
Unaware of the important changes in
side, our venerable friend hastily put
up his face to the window and hurried
ly exclaimed, lJOno more kiss, sweet
pet." In another instant the point of a
blue cotton umbrella caught his seduc
tive hps, followed by the passionate
injunction, "Seat, you grny-headed
Wrote' " and he scattered.
Foolish Song?Stupid dittj.
Josh Billings Papers.
Tbarc are people who don't do any*
tliinrr hut writch thsir siG^ptciiiS. X ^**^^
seen dogs ackt just as sensible, hav Mia
a rat-tarrior watch tl.3 siuiploins ef *
knot hole, in a board fenoe all day, tot
some rat tew cum out, but no rat didn't
cum out.'
I am rather favorably impressed with
(iin nud Milk, az nn extrakt, and think
a minister ov the gospel mite contend
with sum ov it, ou the sli, successfully,
but when he cums to rekommend it teTV
biz people, I hare mi doubts about it,
unless bo knows hii people better than J[
do.
Lore haz a most voracious appctight,
KmI ?) m\nr /I i ?>?>c? >/>m ? u Knl if fna.la nn
- ? - " I- ?-Q t ?" ? ~~"
most always distresses it.
It iz our duty to pray tor them who
revile and persekute us, but I don't Icuo
as we are obliged tew let them kno it.
It iz hard tew quit play while we an
vf inning. It iz just so in morals, mom
seldom undertake tew git religion ai
long az they kan git enny thing else.
A dandy in luv iz in just about as
bad a fix az a stick ov molassis kandy
that haz hall melted.
When a doktor looks at me square in
the faco and kant sec no money in me,
then i am happy.
Tbnrc might possibly be sum advan
tage iu eutering a convent, if we could
eskape from ourselfs, but go whare we
will, we hi'.e tew keep company with
one who iz kble tew to do us more hurt
than cnuy boddy else.
What iz the principal difference be*
tween poverty aud ritchoa ??- poverty
kan be better, and may be worse,?the
difference iz in favor ov poverty.
If I bad u boy whose hair wouldn't
part in tho middle, i should bedew that
hair with a parent's tear, and then gr?
up the boy.
1I.\ i) II im Tu Eue.?A doctor htely
informed bis friends, in a large company,
that be bad been eight days iu the'
country.
'Yes,'said one of the party; 'it had
been announced iu the Times.'
'Ah,' Baid the doctor, stretching his
ueck importantly ; 'pray in what terms V
' Well, us well as I can remember, ilk
the following, 'There were last wsek 2T
deaths less than the week before!' '
Is the sea board niude of beach ?
Not a Miss -A pretty widow.
The most famous of spears?Shakes*
pea re. "
A prickly pair?A porcupine and a
hedge-hog.
A bad stylii of Arithmetic?Division
among families.
Y,'ko was Richard III. before ho was
"himself again ?"
When|is a young lady like a whale?
When she's poutiug.
Can anything that is baleful be a
blessing? Yes, a bal-jfall of cotton.
Smoky?-Mrs. Gubbins says her hus
band is exactly like a tallow candle,
because be always will smoke when he
is going ont.
A n't it?Swedish brandy is said to
be flavored with ants. That is not so
bad as to have ants flavored with brandy.
What is the difference bat ween a
farmer and a b ittlc of whiskey??One
husbands the corn, aud the other corns
the husbands.
Pudding and tart?Au old philoso
pher bath said, '"The woman that mak
etb a good pudding in silence is better
than one that m&fccth a tart reply."
The mate?"Arc you the mate of the
ship ?" asked an emigrant of the cook,
who was an Irishman.?"No, sir," wss
the reply; "I am the uiao who cooks
the mute.
Wholesale doctoring?A doetor, who
was arrested because his patient died,
has been acquitted on the ground that
be did tho best ho could, giving all the
medicines he kucw tho names of.
"Do you call that a veal cutlet, wai
ter? Why, it is au insult to every true
calf in the country." "I didn't mean
to insult, you, <sir."
"How did you learn that graceful
attitude ?" said a gentleman to a drun
ken fellow, leaa'ng in a maudlin fashion
against a post. "I have beeu practising
at a glass" was tha reply.
A pretty, rich young widow was re
garding hcrsolf iatciy at a mirror 10 her
chamber, while for the first timo trying
on her widow's cap. "Behold* she cx
claimed, "the real cap of liberty."