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lie a 00 DEVOTED TO POLITICS, NROI&LiTY,9 EDUCATION AND To THE 6ENERLITRTOFHEOURY Bjr p*D F. BRADLEY &CO. PLUKENS, S, C, THU RSDAY. OCOE0,18 O.X-N.3 BONNET. AT AFLRED SAGR LAUORTEB. Twould have been better had we never met, For then no tantalizing memory Of summer hours that I enjoyed with thee Could haunt my winter days with vain regret. May I not hope thou wilt almost forget One person whom thou canst not quite forgive? But in my thought thy name may ever live, Like eve's bright star when sui- wf love ham set. Unto the worshipers who throng the pave Of marble through the grand cathedral steles, Music'@ sweet voice to all alike doth tell A charm for curing woe. Thus, by open grave My folly digged for love, thy pardoning smuilles, Warm love's cold lips I kissed for death's farewell JONE S' MISTAKE. "Heigho I" yawned Mr. Ellicott, the real-estate agent, as he looked out of the window at two old women, a market cart, and the postman. " Times are dull -fearfully dull I Never have known 'em so stagnant since I was in the business. A list of wouses to rent and for sale that would suit anybody, at prices that are absolutely scandalous, as far as cheap ness is concerned, and no demand for 'em-literally none ! " And Mr. Ellicott lighted his cigar, ar ranged the " To Lets " a little more at tractively In the window, and shook his head mournfully at the big ledger on the high desk. But just at that instant in which he drew a sigh, indicative of the extremest despondency, a stout, middle-aged gen tleman, with a felt hat, an umbrella un der his arm, and square-toed boots, walked into the neatly-carpeted office. The agent slipped nimbly off his chair, laid down his cigar, and assumed the business smile. " What can I do for you?" he said, rubbing his hands, and scenting abrown stone sale, or a red-brick exchange, at the very least. "My name is Jones," said the stout stranger. "Happy to see you, Mr. Jones," sim pered the real-estate agent, rubbing away harder than ever. "And I want to rent a respectable house in a pleasant neighborhood," add ed the gentleman. "I am sick of boarding, and I intend to take a house and go to housekeeping." "Certainly, by all means," said the agent, beginning briskly to flutter over the leaves of his book. " We have, I am happy to say, a number of most eligible residences here, which can hardly fail to meet your requisitions." "Give me a list," said the old gentle "C0ertainly," said Mr. Ellicott, dip ping his pen into the wooden standish. " I mean business," said Mr. Jones. " I amn glad to hear it," said the agent. And scarcely five minutes more had elapsed before the middle-aged gentle mafr with the alpaca umbrella and the square-toed boots was whore a fat-let tered "To Let " hung conspicuously be side the door. Miss 'Pamelia Peppermint was just taking her hair out of crimp in the front third-story apartment as the bell sounded its hollow toain through the house. " Joanna," said Miss Pamelia, over the stairs, "look out of the area window and see who it is." " It is a gentleman, ma'am," Joanna answered, in a shrill whisper, "in a su perfine broadcloth c:oat and a new uim brella." " Come to answer the advertisement," said Miss Pamelia, radiantly. " Show him into the parlor, Joanna, and tell him.I'll be down directly." She settled her crimps once again, pinned a betite ribbon bow in her back hair, gave her forehead a farewell dab * with a l ,er puff, and read over for the lasti Maragraph in the morn ing's par oh ran as follows : experieno0 s oskeprtogn tleman of ~ tilr edapyt Mise P., N ot "Dear Ms eprit " how m~ r..o ueyti Is acrisisHootdes housekeej ontlgnae and dewareno ssepi bilitya a hphl fond of Bhie *e ~ rsodwt tripping irsrrs h Stristered theplyido efo lureatiso *Heowc ithdena methn eeyhngare ,prshotd with a ;er naural-isete nn out shaid ofe 2I ~ ~ aere thee mis, eepermint. wih a hebridg. of your nose and a holqg in you' stocking A hem I Please to walk in, sir," to the middle-aged gentleman who appeared on the threshold, with his spectacles tipped over the bridge of his nose, and his um brella carried, javelin-fashion, under his arm. "I have the pleasure of adress ing-" " My name is Jones," said the gentle man, brusquely. "You are the lady who-" " Who advertised? Yes," said Miss Peppermint, with a smiling inclination of her head. " Then I wonder at you !" enunciated Mr. Jones. "Sir I" said Miss Peppermint. "As old as the hills," said Mr. Jones. "All out of repair. Fifty years old at the very least." " Sir I" ejaculated the lady, more as tounded than ever. "Truth is truth," said the gentleman. "Not even decently painted." " Painted?" gasped Miss Peppermint instinctively remembering the pearl powder. "Rheumaticky, and full of fever and ague ! " energetically added Mr. Jones. "A tumble-down old ruin ! " " Sir, you insult me I " cried the spin ster, bristling up. "Then, madam, you shouldni't ob trude your damaged wares before the public." " I was never so abused before in my life ! " faltered Miss Peppermint, wring ing her hands. " It's high time somebody spoke the truth," said Mr. Jones. " Leave the house, sir ! " said Miss Peppermint. "And welcome," said Mr. Jones, put ting his hat belligerently on the side of his head. and shouldering his umbrella like a bayonet. " But first let me give you a little ad vice. The next time you have a house to let,-" "But I haven't any house to let," in dignantly interposed Miss Pamelia. "Eli ? " said Mr. Jones. "And never had," added the lady, breathlessly. "Isn't this house to let?" "Yes, but it isn't mine, and I've noth ing to do with it." " You said you advertised." "So I did," said Miss Pamelia, With difficulty keeping back her hysteric tears. "But I wanted a position as housekeeper, and-" The middle-agedbachelor stood aghast, the full horror of his situation gradually breaking upon him. " Madam," he said, " I beg your pa~r don-" " Sir,"~ said Miss Peppermint, " there has been an unfortunate misapprehen sion all around." . "I was alluding to the house, maam when I uned those unfortunate adject ives," explained Mr. Jones. "I hope you don't think, ma'am, that I could ap ply them to a lady ?" A'I am a solitary female," said Miss Peppermint, retiring behind her hand kerchief, " and I find myself compelled to earn my bread in a genteel way. You couldn't recommend me to any single gentleman in want of a capable house keeper, could you ?" " N-no ma'am, I couldn't, that is just at present," stammered Mr. Jones. "But if I hear of one I will certainly let you know. Good morning." And he bolted out of the door in a state of cold perspiration. " What a fool I've been!" ' saihe to himself, as he strode along th~ wlidy April streets, wiping his forehe' twith a red silk handkerchief. " I'll go back to Mrs. Budget's addegagsyrooms tre for the next ten years." And so he did. Nobody answered Miss Pamelia's ad vertisement ; no one rented the desirable mansion No. 99 Nixon street. Mr. Ellicott, the real-estate agent, de clares that business is duller than evdr, and Mrs. Budget, the boarding-house keeper, says to her daughter: "Whatever has come to Mr. Jones don't~ know, but he's as docile as a lamb, and hasn't found faulwithi his roast joint in a month." "Wonders will never cease," uulys Miss Budget devoutly. A DRAMa. In Harper's Mont~li, Mrs. RFrame, Woods Baker, a thoroughly truthful person, gives a dream of the drowning of Rev. Caleb Stetson's son on a voy age. The facts of the fall from the mast are given exactly as they occurred, and were told by Mrs. Baker, before any, thing had been heard of young Stetson, to several persons, whose testimony is given in this article. Mrs. Baker, a sis ter of~ President Leonard Woods, was very sick at the time, and generally thought to be dying. OLD MR. SPOOPENDYKE. This 24me He Misses His Proyer Book. "Now, my dear," said Mr. Spoopen dyke cheerfully, "be lively. It'3 10:20 o'clock, and we musn'tbe late at church. Most steady?" "Yes, dear," beamed Mrs. Spoopen dyke. "I'm ready. Got everything ?" "I think so. Hymn book, umbrella, and-where's the prayer book ? I haven't got the prayer -book." "Where did you leave it?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, turning over the volumes on the table hurriedly. "If I knew where I left it, I'd strut right to that spot and get it," retorted Mr. Spoopendyke. "I left it ~vyou. Where did you put it? Can re. member what you do with thi "I haven't seen it since last Sunday," returned Mrs. Spoopendyke, faintly. "I know," she continued; "perhaps it is at charch." "Perhaps it is," mimicked Mr. Spoop. endyke. "Perhaps it got up early, took a bath and went ahead of us. Did you ever see a prayer book prowl off to church all alone ? Ever see a prayer book h'ist up its skirts and strike out for the sanctuary without an escort? S'pose a prayer book knows the differerce be tween a church and a ham sandwich ? Where did you put it?" "I meam you may have left it in the pew rack. You know you did once," suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke. "I didn't anything of the sort. I brought it home and gave it to you. Where do you keep it ? What did you do with it ? S'pose I'm going to swash around through that service without knowing whether they are doing the Apostle's creed or an act of Congress? Spring around and find it, can't you? What are you looking there for? Don't you know the difference between a prayer book and the 'Wandering Jew?' Find it, can't you?" . "Never mind it, dear," fluttered Mrs. Spoopendyke. "I know all the re sponses, and I'll help you along." " Oh, yes, you know 'em all. What you don't know about religion wouldn't wad a gun. All you want is a bell and a board fence to be a theological ueminary. Think you can find that prayer between now and the equinoctial ?" howled Mr. Spoopendyke. "Got any idea whether you sold the measly - thing for china vases or stirred it into the wheat cakes ? Have I been chewing divine grace all the morning ? Where's that prayer book ? Going to get that prayer book before the Revelations come to pass ?" and Mr. Spoopendyke plunged around the room, tumbling books about and breathing heavily. " I don't see the use of making such a fuss over a thing you don't really need," sobbed Mrs. Spoopendyke through her indignant tears. " Oh, you don't," raved Mr. Spoopen. dyke. " You don't see any use in put ting things where they belong, either, do you ? How d'ye s'pose I'm going to keep up with religion without a prayer book ? How d'ye s'pose I'm going to know when it's my turn to show what Christianity has done for me unless you can find that dod gasted book between now and the resurrection ?" and Mr. Spoopendyke spun around on his heel like a top and knocked over a Parisian jar. " Wait a minute, my (dear," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, looking at him earnestly. Then she went behind hxipn and flahd1 out the prayer book. " Got it, didn't you'6" he growled. " Had it all the time, I e#pose. Where was it, anyway ?" " In your coat-tail pocket, dear," and firs. Spoopendyke jabbed the powder lnff in her eyes and stalked down stairs. '~ing her liege to follow. jE FEl INTERZSTING PUZZLE. 4p a storm at sea there was a Chris tianx Captain on board a vessel with fif te0ch'seamen, who chanced to meet with a Turkish vessel with the same nme of seamen in her, who were in danger of l4In ost. The Turkish Captain most e z~tly entreated the Christian Cap take him and his men on board his vessel in order to save them from the danger to which they were exposed. The Christian Captain consented and took him and his men on board his ves se, but, the storm still ificreasing, until' their destruction seemed inevitable, it was then agreed by both Captains to place all the men on deck and cast off every ninth man, until half the men were thrown overboard, in order to save tho other half. The Christian Captain performed this with such simplicity, ac curacy and ingenuity that, by casting off every ninth man, he drowned all the Turks and saved his own men. The question is, how vere the thirty men Placed in line?9 TOO PARTIyULAI. A girl may not ak a mian to become her husband ; but there are many ways in which she may with propriety com municate to almost any bright young man her ideas concerning him. They are not set down in the guide-books. They are not part of our written litera ture. They come not by rule and regn Intion. They are above and beyond all these, and responsible to no law. Im possible though it be to define them in wort, the language of love speaks them more plainly than 'cornet voice. Most girls start out in life with the intention of marrying somebody, though many of them are what is called too particular. The girl who waits to marry, but is not easily suited, looks around to see what offers, and finds that this man's beard is too red, that one's eyes too blue, and the other one's ears too long. She will look a little farther. She examines all that are in the market, and concludes to look farther yet. And when, after having al most unconsciously become a flirt, and having broken the hearts of half the young men in the neighborhood, she keeps on " looking a little farther," she finds herself going down the hill on the shady side of the way, still with an in definable longing to marry somebody, and wondering who will come propose to her. It would be rIz vise the young lady to marrying man who offers rash to advise her to w an keep on waiting, and last body. But, if she des to tled in life," it is well I to be too par ticular, or too shy to give encourage t ~an when he comes DURATION-OF EERNYrr Various illustrations have been sug gested to convey totie mind some idea of illimitable duration. It has been said, suppose that die drop of ocean should be dried up erY thousand years, Low long would it be ere the last drop would disappear and t* ocean's bed be left dry and rusty? I1r'onward as that would be in the com , eternity would but have comm It has been said, suppose this v be upon which we tread were com of parti cles of the finest sand, that one particle should disappear 'the termi nation of each million years, oh, how inconceivably immeni must be the period which must else before the last particle would 156 gone I And yet, eternity wtould be in its morning twilight. It has been said, suppose some little insect, so small as to be imperceptible to the naked eye, were to carry this world by its tiny mouth.. fuls to the most distant star in the heav. ens. Hundreds of millions of ye would be required for the single journey The insect commences on the leaf of ( tree and takes its little load, so small that even the microscope cannot discovet that it is gone,and sets out on its almost. endless journey. After millins and millions of years have roiled away it ar rives back for its second dad& -Oh, what interminable ages would elapse be. fore the whole tree would be removed! When would the forest be gone? -Ass the globe? Even then, eternity wonigt not have commenced. A DIFFERENCE of opinion exists amog European engineers in regard to the practicab~ility of establishing a sea, as is now proposed, in thg"~great Sahara, the chief problem being, it would seem, how to keep it up. It lsa irgued, that, sup posing the sea to be create4 by means of a canal, it would lose en enormous quantity of water b~y ev C4a~nevery day, without the intr ~imof an equal volume of fresh The water evaporated being repl baspl coming through the whole body will soon reach ins of saturation ; and thus, oao still continuing, a deposi * will be formed, which in time m mll up the whole space of the*' sate: linity of the water' such tha6 5io animal life would be psIble in it, and the ultimate Xesult being simply the ac cumulation of an isonessae deposit of alt. On the other hand, kiojectors 91 the enterprise claim that t M, e of this watertktnifbqvaporatded mAst produce copions r h,Mhidh will in a large measure return into the sea, and thus not only aeoomplish the object re ferred to, but alhd convert a sterile waste into a fertile condtfry. TI HE California Rgglgteg age credite with an amo 4t of wealth which would comfortably 'support, semalf country Mr. Charle 0moker, IW staed to be worth $84,495,458; Ma S4adtan ford, $84,848,808, and' t B, Hopins $2 8HARP DARGAINS. It is excccdingly aggrvating "' a"l a victim to craft. The proprietors of a comic magazine once paid a "humorist " $10,000 for the xclusive right to the product of his pen for twelve months, but, omitting te make any stipulation as to the minimum quantity they were to receive, they had to be content with a solitary contribution. Just such an other contemptible trick was that played by Peter Pindar in making up as a man nigh unto death, thereby obtaining ?300 histead of 200 a year for the copyright of his works; an annuity the hypocrite enjoyed for many a year after his verse found readers. Tired of fruitlessly de manding the settlement of an account, Horace Greeley sent it on to a Western attorney for collection, advising him he might keep half the amount for his trouble. Some time elapsed without re ceiving any communication, but at last came this gratifying note : " DEAR SUM : I have succeeded in po - lecting my half of that claim; ance is hopeless." Having nothing else to, or ace was fain topoc thrifty young d. It used l 'takM zmg of thea liquid sap ocoiponed this. But as frequently before the eOst as after it. The been,.1 d to cause it iO fe t on the southerlyieldf thp a " on the north. But som times, ie the tides, it occurs 'cn both sia at once. The College Quarte4?y a theory of explanation giv some German obiervers, who have ': this phenomenon a special subject of study. They say that the protoplasm in the cells of. the newly-formed wood and bark is extremly hydroscopic, imbibing water and swelling like ,a sponge. The aggregate force of expansion 'of thou sands of cells ii sufficient, 6ertainly, to account for the disruption. The editor adds the remark that sorts of trees, more seem to have an water from with oe iu enee is im'iWeA~4 for always find the injury a4 4just Akove the surface. Sudden chng O'tmprature proba bly determines the aotiaa crisis of the burst. Tan North pole, s A I' a .Balti mere clairwoyant: *'i situ ated on saulrs rock ; r.iaha 4~ygrow not on con. nuts.rut pert n att white b l sts, ally Island the veg t~~ is not so i hastre 14l f'uits, but ar&pnosig the natural are the wosebrry, bisekberry, grape, current, uspberry, and man drake. But it differ s n the elet side in having monkemys, s~dIn having vest numbers of birds of every sise and plu mage. Amon ~ are the ostrich, swan, gnqiail, robin sand hunming n both sides are many .TM y~nes presents est of the grain produ this .and Europe, together with of our recent p pton breadstuffs. tpar ' that our what crop en476,000,000 end els, end the torn crop MtIll also be very large, exceeding tbat of 1879, But the Eusepean harvests prom ise to be much better thsh last year, the foreign desmap4 for the et Isn't ujeoedt be more then thirds I arge as for the past M months,. in which period the fa~dd ?tates exported about 180,0,0d0O bushi els of wheat and 100, ~~~t~u.of - corn. Tinas is no real life thierefore vale sworn, before they e Ri not to say a wdd of tg meeting breaks up. kr courtL to ana PLEASANTRIES. "CAN tough fowl be made tender?" sks a housewife. Certainly ; in many boarding-houses the boarders find the landlady tenders tough fowl. "Tom," said a girl to her sweetheart " you have been paying your distresses to me long enough. It is time you made known your contentions, so as not to keep me in expense any longer." WHN a Chicago girl comes home by rail, she opens a window and slants her ear toward it. All she has to do when she arrives is to empty her ear into the coal-bin and the family are supplied with a couple of scuttles of fuel for the winter. A DARKY who was stooping to wash his hands in a creek didn't notice the peculiar actions of a goat just behind him; so, when he scrambled out of the water and was asked how it happened, lie answered: "I dunno 'zactly ; but 'peared a e shore kinder h'isted and w tel of the following sen be a certain cure for meets Snobbs and bs to Snobbs and obs with Snobbs and "This is," says of Hobbs' jobs," lecturing lately on . ple of their own at a young lady his next lecture ipon, ahn( ng told " the cir 6-Ahe b replied that sh > should certainly r she had been troublM wit Ja r4nP t forr eng time. TO THE TERREs'TRA$G I. [By a Miserable Wretc]. onl o, thou bell, roll on ! Through pathles realms of space Rol on ! What though I'm in a sorry case? What though I cannot meet my bills ? What though I suffer toothache's Ills ? What tb augh I swallow countless pills? Never you mind; Roll on J Roll on, thou ball, roll on I Through seas of inky air Ioll on I It's true I've got no shirts to wear; It's true my butcher's bill In due; It's true my prospects all look blue; But don't let that unsettle you I Never you mind I Roll on I -W. S. Gilbert. Hz was a demure, countrified-looking man, and was remarkably awkward and shy. .He had been to the restaurant once before, and the smart waiter by the name of William had palmed off a bad .quarter 6n .him. Fe came a second time, and, on handing over a S1i bill, he remarked in a timid way, " Last time you gave me a bad quarter ; please be oire orulthis time." " No danger," ~~4pktwaiter, " that was the only 4Mia kind I had. MOrry I can't ae~ ~oate you with another,"' as he shalled out the change. All the after 111lllam wab chuckling to himself, helist time he smiled right heart *as later in the evening, just before settled with the boss, when that indi b1Iucoked him a bad $5 bill, with the humorous remark, " I'll makre you a present of that $5, Williia, and take it out of your salary at the end of the week. "-Hawk-Eiye. 4 DOG 5f02%WO2TE THE TELLING. H. B. Lapia has owned a canary bird and a small eur dog about three years. The two pets have, in fact, known each other intimately all theirlives, and they have been on uncommonly cordial terms, considering the radical difference in thefr reeppstive natures. On Wednes day st bird escaped from its cage, yv after the dog disappeare& en Lapham opened his front door y4 dy mornilg there stood the dog wl he 'tant canary in its mouth. Remarkable as it Is the bird was alive, and it now oupies iteold quarters, not particularly "chipper," It is true, Mit still inpassably good health. - Tuw aneM-canng b ~~~n to iast proportions in thielenry, es peolally in whihelv as i the whole o po et oI the ons~try. ?aat theftoe 20 os a M opoked'eeand 25- entsa ecooked aa pws...a tongues, the c4ig goods, of ourse, onsiuting mnta4l of good, nourishIng feed. This kind of food abould be usedin many more opeholds than It is atpreent, Ta .onty peides whete the butcher's eat6 is sldon se, what geter ooe vaniano 4a othese be them