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f 7! A Family Companion, Devoted to Literature, Miscellany, News, Agriculture, Markets, &c. Vol. XIX. ' NEWBERRY, S. C., THURSDAY, .DECE1MBJER 6, 1883.No49 ?HERALD % rrnLtRt E I"Ti11ILibAY M1ORNING. ::..: i Sexberr), S. 4'. Y TPHg, P. GREEEKER, Fditor and Proprietor. N. ern, $ .00 per .nnusm, invariably in Advance. -The aper is stopped at the expiration of -Ve for w h it is paid. - -.The M mark denotes expiration of subscription . "No lady cai get on without it." Detroit (Micl.) Adrertiser. W UEAPE' T ANDBEST. Splendid Premiums for Getting up Clubs. - Illustrated "Gold Gift." Lartge-Size Steel Engraving. Extra Copy .or 1881. FULL-SIZE PAPER PATTERNS. WA Supplement will be given in every number for 1884, containing a full-size pat tern for a lady's or child's dress. Every subscriber will receive, during the year, twelve of these pattenis-worth more, alone, than the subscription-price..f .PETERsOc'S MAGAZINE is the best and cheapest of thelady's-books. It gives more for the money, and combines greater mer itx, than any -other. In shart. It has the Best Steel Engravings, Best Original Stories. Best Colored Fashions, Best Work-Table Patterns, Best Dress-Patterns, Best Music, Etc., Etc. Its immense circulation and long-estab lished reputation enable its proprietor to distance all comptition. Its stories, novel ets, etc., are ted to be the best ub lished. All the most popuLr female writers contributc to it. In 1884, more than 100 orifinal stories will be -given, besides SIX COl'YR. G HT NOVELETS-by Ann S. Steph en% Mary V. Spencer, Frank Lee Benedict, Lucy IL Hooper, the author of '-Josiah Allen's Wife,'. and the author of "The See ond Life." COL RED STE F lASHION--PLATES! ".PETERSON" is the only magazine that glve these. They are TWICE THE USUAL zn. and are unequaled for beauty. Also, liousehold, Cookery. and other receipts ; articles on Art Embroidery, Flower Culture, House Decoration-in abort, everything in teresting to ladies. TERMS, ALWAYS IN ADVANCE, $?,O A YEAR. WUNPARALLELED OFFERs TO CLUBa.f 2 Copies for $3.50.3 for $4.50 With asuperb Illustrated Volume: '-The Golden Gif." o a large-size costly steel engraving, "TiwA Oat"'or getting up the Club. 4 61ies for $;.50, G for $5 00 With an ex tra copy of the Magazine for 1881, as a prem turc, to the person getting up the Club. 5 Copies for $8.00,7 for $10.50. With both an extra copy of the Magazine for 185, and the "Goiden Gitt," or the large steel-en graving. "Tired Out," to the person getting np the Club. larger Clubs Greater Inducement! Address, p C l.ES J. PETERSON, 06 Chestnut St., Philadelphia, Pa. WSpectniens sent giatis, if written for, to get up clubs with. - 42-ti. SOLID SHOT AGAINST Blood Poison ! * ~ ArLArr, G.r., April17, 183. Ini878 Iwns the victim of a terrible Blood Poison, and after being treated by three physicians, was cons ;hed tou bed, not able tor rsemy hand to pny head. spitti up clots of blood, and reduced in weight from 15to 130 pounds. I then begsn the ms of Swift's Specific, and in less than three months I was cntirely well, weighed 198, and-have never had a symaptomnof the disease sinice. If it had not been for Swift's Specitic I believe I would have been in my grave. JOHN V. BISHOP. We have for twelve months been prescribing swift's Specific in the treatment of the diseases for ".hich it is recommended, and have not been disap pointal inn a r-ugle instance. We think, for all dis eases it is recommended to cure, it stands without a --'r,and that the medical profession will sooner or ater be forced to acknowled?ge it, in the treatment of lilood Discases, a sinS ~ua no-. J. T.I rOINsON Z) Monroe, Ga. $1,00 chemistiwho will find, on analysis5 o,f 100 bottles of S. S. S., one particle of mercury, indida potassium. or any mineral substance. THu SWIFT SPECIFIC CO, Drawer 3, Atlanta, Ga,. Price: S:nmal size, St.00 per bottle. I.arge size, {boldig~ d:22h.ie gantily) $1.73 bottle. All Drug gists sellt A REAL REMEDY! HITHER MYSTISAL USE IEDIAN SIT IdlE' IFtS AID SPESIFiS. d-'' A RwEY oIf S -Aset e yeas ad1ag &REMEDnY o,Te elr at home, and where bestknon,thn oherremedies of its kinad. A REMEDY endorsed by the beat Physicians and Druggists at its home. A REEYthat Mr. C. W. O'Neill, Goodwater, Ala.. says raised his wife front an invalid's bed, and he believes esed hemZlife. AnZKEnY of which a prominent Atlanta merchant said, "I would have given I500a soon aslI would anickle for what two bottles of your medicine did forimy daughter." A aEwEnY in regard to which 8. 3. (1baea ).LD., Druggist of ThomasvillerG., " can recall mnstances in which 1 rinif Aie a h ual d had fid A RRwDY aout hlehDr. B. B. Ferrell, La Grange, Ga,., writes: "I have used for the last 20 years the medicine you arc putting up and consider it the best combination ever gotten toehrfor the ditseases for which it is recola A REwRnY of which Dr. JoeI Branham, Atlan ta, said: "lhaes emanaimed the reand have no beeitatinin advising its use, confidently recmmand it." Z REMnY which' the Bev. H. 'B. Johnson, near Marietta, Ga., says he has used in his famn i1y with the "utmost satisfaction" and recoin mendEd It to three families "who found it to be what it isrecommzended." of which Pemberton, Iverson, & Denison say:~ "We have been sellingit for many yer,with constantly inceasing sales. The ar teeisastaple with us,and oeofabokdtesriL." A REMEnY of which Tamar, Rankin & Lamar sas. "We sold 50 gross in fourmonths, and never soditin anypacbutwhatitwaswante again." Ga, says: "I cure one of the most obstne cases of VICAaROUS MENSSrUmATXON that ever esme withinmy knowldge,with*a few bottles." A REMEnY of which Dr J. C. Huss, Notasulga *Ala., sas: I am fully convinced that it is un riae rthat classof diseases which it claims ABEnY about wichMaJohnl C. Whitner, of Atlanta well and favorbyknown nll over the UnltS tatesas aGeOInsurance Agent, - as"I used this remedy before the war- on a lreplantation on a great number of cases, Al EYabout which Mr. .J. W. Strange, of Cartersvilie, Ga., certifies that one bottle cured two members of his failofimenstrualiregU AtRat t CHAEa RAN ANY OTHER -xEDIcInEof its kind in the world, because I ca g BOTTL.S wIL.L CURE TEE xosr OBarUNATE CAsE. THI GREAT POPULAE aREnY is BaADFIEI.D's UMLKBEGULTroB, (Woman'sBestFrienld.) For - sleb~y alDruggists. Nrce: Small size 75 cents. SaManufacturer No.106BS, Pryor Street, ATLANTA, GA. F. A. Lehmann, Solici Foreign Patents, Wash esscnneed with Patents, lhe bes ly atende to.No charge mades -unlessa ptent is secured. Send,ow-cirenlar. $25,000! In Dry Goods, Boots, Shoes, Hats, Carpets, Clothing, &c. &c., to be sold at remarkably low figures at the Grand Dry Goods Emporium of W. T. TARRANT. A few hints will not be amiss to buy a right t hing, buy where you are sure to find the goods for sale to be correct in style and of the best quality. Do nc,t make your purchases until you have seen my magnificent stock of goods, the largest that ever was in this City. The cry poor crops has occas ioned much complaint of dull times. My sales however have been good and I have no complaint to make on that score, but in order to. give additional eclat to trade I shall oer this week HIGHLY INTERESTING -BARGAINS - Particularly in departments referred, to in this advertisement, viz: Woman's best grade Bay State Shoes @2 $1.25, worth 1.50; Men's Boots 2.50 formerly sold for 3.00; Boys boots 1.00, sold for 1.5'); Chas. Heiser's, hand made Gait er. 6.50 formerly sold 7.50; Ladys', Misses, and Children's shoes in propor tion. I defy competition in the Shoe and Boot trade. DRESS GOODS! Best Gro Grain Silks 1.00 to 1.50, sold for 1.50 to 2.00 per yard. My Cash meres, Satins, and all Dress Goods have been reduced in price. I have the largest stock in this department that has ever been exhibited in New berry. . LI8 JIKEPS & JLOXK8 Of which I have a beautiful line, and will sell them now at amazingly low prices. Cloaks that I sold for $4.00, I will now sell for 3.00, and all the rest in proportion. Las. Jackets (Walking) reduced greatl3.in price. :-: Cassimere & Jeans :-: I can beat the town in, both in Price and Quality. READY MADE CLOTHING, Men's Suits from $5.00 to $30, reduced from $4.00 to $25. Boys suits in pro portion. SADDLES, The best stock of Kentucky saddles this side of Louisville Ky., also Har ness, Bridles, Whips, Saddle Blankets, which I am selling lower than ever before. CARPETS AND RUGS From 25c. to 9:c. p?r yd. Brussels that I sold for $1, now 90c. Rubber Rugs, &c. To be convinced ft-iow cit zens that I mean busine's give me a caIl before purchasing. POLITE SAIESkEN And no unnecessary solicitation tobuv. Very respectfully, W. T. TIRRIAT. Sep't.-3m. Important Notice. Buying and selling for CASH ONLY' I am enabled to offer to the public IMPORTED AND AMERICAN BRANDI ES, (JIIARS AND TOII(000, also the lin.est and best French Brandies the celebrated BAKER RYE for famly use, at prices which defy COMPETITION. PORTNER'S TIVOLI BEER for family use, one dozen Pint Bottles at $1.00 All orders will receive prompt atten tion. With thanks for former patron age to this house. I respectfully solicit a continuance of the same. 0. KLETTNER, Under Newberry Opera House. june 11, 24-imos. Jrequrd Ree,I you wat bus. nes at which ersos of eiher sex me they work, wt abslt certany Portland,licie. Nov. 23-ly. ~ottry. THE YOUNG WIDOW. She is- modest, but not bashful; Free and easy, but not bold, Like an apple, ripe and mellow, Not too young, and not too old. Half inviting, half repulsive,' Now advancing, and now shy There is mischief in her dimple, There is danger in her eye. She has studied human nature. She is schooled in all her arts, She has taken her diploma As the mistress of all hearts. She can tell the very moment When to sigh and when to smile; Oh, a maid is sometimes charming, But a widow all the while. Are you sad ? How very serious Will her handsome face become ! Are you angry ? She is wretched, Lonely, friendless, tearful, dumb! Are you mirthful? How her laughter Silver sounding, will ring out! She can lure and catch and play you, As the angler does the trout. Ye old bachelors of forty. Who have grown so bold and wise, Young Americans of twenty, With the love looks in your eye=, You may practice all the lessons Taught by Cupid since the fall; But I know a little widow Who could win and fool you all. jettfb fory. THE L1WER'S SECRETS -0 It was in a luxuriously furnished room, where a glowing grate threw genial light and warmth upon the occupants, that General Langton, lawyer and millionaire, listened with bated breath and pallid cheeks to a low and melodious voice that told a story of a life. The speaker, a beautiful woman of about thirty, yet ten years younger than Mr. Langton, re clined in a low, cushioned chair, her attitude bespeaking the ease which wealth gives, but her face was full of the deepest anguish as her lips recounted the story. "You love me," she said gently, yet sadly, "and I love you as I never loved any one before, al though I am a widow. That you knew, but did not know my hus band's name. By my uncle's lest request I dropped it, and took his with the property he left me. )o not look at me tenderly, Gerald, de not shake my voice or my heart, for when you know who I am you will not repeat the offer you made me, and which heaven is my wit ness, I tried to) avert." "Let your conscience be at rest there," said her listener, in a grave yet tender voice; "you have new er iven me one hope, Maude. By what instinct I knew that yea loved ne I can never tell-something in your eyes, some tone of your voice etrayed you. If, as you say, something in your past life does separate us, you are no coquette o torment me with false hopes. But, Maude, tell nr.e again, what ver stands between us, you love me ?' "I love you," she said, gravely, 'and it is because I love you that [ will not let you link your hono able name with that of the wretch who was my husband. I was very oung-not sixteen-when he came o make a visit to some friends iving at Grassbank. Uncle Rich rd has a country seat near the vil age. I first met Alexander at a icnic, where he was the very life f the party, everybody's cavalier, ourteous to all, full of wit and ani ation and service to a'1. be ieve every girl -on the g,rounds bought she had captivated him, is attentions were so well divided and yet so impressive to each one. EHe claimed to be no more than a salesman in a large wholesale house with a good salary, but he had the anners of a gentleman of good ducation, and the most perfect eauty of face and form that I ever saw in a man. It was not long be fre it was evident that he wished o win my love, and he had an easy ask. Such love as a child of six een can give I gave him. He was he impersonation of every hero of oetry and fiction with whom my limited reading had made me fa miliar. School-girl like, I had made an ideal hero, and titted this, my frst admirer, with all his imag nary perfections. "From the first Uncle Richard isliked him, pronouncing him false and shallow, and assur ig me that my personal attrac ions had not won his heart; but the fact of my being an heiress to a large property had gained me the rotestations in which I so firmly elieved. "It is a painful story to me now, erald. Let us suffice that I had lived in a world of pleasant dreams while Alexander remained at Grass ank. When he.left me he carried my promise to be his wife at Christ nas. "I think if my money had de pended on Uncle Richard, my mar riage might have been prevented by his threatening to disinherit me, but both from my father and mother I had inherited money that made me independent in a pecuniary sense of his control or consent. "Most grudgingly, however, uncle did consent, after searching inquiry about Alexander, resulting in no worse report than his employers thought him fast, idle, and just the man to be a fortune-hunter. Even then my dear uncle would have protected my fortune by settling it upon myself; but with the reckless generosity of extreme youth I re, fused to have this done. Never, I was firmly convinced, would my adored Alexander wrong me in any way. "For a year after the splendid I wedding that made inc Alexander's wife I was too ignorant of value to understand that we were living far beyond our income, enjoyed to the utmost the luxuries around me -the constant gayety that was in such strong contrast to the school routine from which I had been re leased. -,Then began a life of neglect, often of quarreling, when I objected to my husband's course of couduct -his drinking, his extravagance, and his late hours. Still I found my own pleasures in society, and a renewal of some of my own favorite studies, especially language and music. I was fond, too, of water color painting, and made presents to my friends of specimens in that line. .,"It was four years after my mar riage when I was thunderstruck by Alexander asking me to request a loan from Uncle Richard, with the information that every penny of my property was gone. "Since then I have known that : portion of it was lost at the gaminc table. "Lo ng before this I had lost al;e love for my husband. Respect had& died out when I knew the dissipated life he was leading, and foolish as Ja was I could not continue to love f' man whose actions were so despica ble. I refused the errand, and brought down a torrent of such great abuse that I really expected1 that Alexander would end by strik-a ing me. "Day after day the request was renewed, but I would not yield. Upon my m:,rriage Uncle Richard had sold his city residence and took up a. pecmanunt abode at Grass bank, where, knowing my husband to be an unw.,lcome guest, I never visited him. I wrote occasionally, but the love of years, like that of mother and child, had been so sad !y strained I y my persistence in marrying Alexander that even our correspondence was langid and comt.nonplace.* "I would not, therefore, write to him to ask a favor that I knew would not be necessary withdout criminal reck1 essness of expendi ture, and each rfusal made my husband more fi :sts. Then came an overwhelming dlow. Alexander forged a check,. nd drew $10,00 of Uncle Richard' enxoney from the bank. I don't .Aink my uncle would have proseented him had he guessed who~ was the forg"r; lxe hie handzca the whole natter over to the law as soon as it was dis covered that the check was forged. It was then traced to Alexander, and at the same time it was found he had robbed in the same way his former employers. He had given up all work on his marriage; but when he fou id himself without money, his I.nowledge of the busi ness enabled him to forge the note Derkiss & Co. Even if Uncle Rich ard had spared him for my sake this other forgery would have en titled him to lpenal servitude. He was sentenced to seven years, and uncle took me home, full of heavenly pity and forgiveness for the child who had treated him so ungrrate fully." "Then your husband is in p)ris on ?" said Gerald, in a hard, strained voice. "No, no, lie is dead ! He died within the first year. Uncle Rich ard saw the death in a paper and sent the money for his burial. No, I am free; but none the less I am the widow of a convicted felon." "But none the less," quoted Ger ald, "the woman I honor and love above all others. and hope still to make my wife." It took, however, more than one interview, full of love's pleading, to win Maude from her resolution. She so honored her lo;er, and was so proud of his good name and the position he had attained by his talents, that, hei- sensitive nature shrank from even the shadow of her misery upon his life. But the victory was won at last, and the lawyer walked home one evening full of a proud, glad joy, for Maude had then promised to be his wife. "If you are willing to take Alex ander Hull's widow to be your wife," she said, "I will not oppose you any longer, for 1 love you with all my heart." He had no thought but of that lad triumph when he turned up the gas in his office. He was in the habit of making a last visit there before going up. to his bedroom, in case notes or messages were left for him. One lay there on this evening, a shabby-looking envelope, but directed in bold, handsome hand, which lie recognized at . once. le tore it open. After a few words of introduction, the note ran: "You did the best you could on my trial, but the facts were too strong fo you. I have now a last favor ask of you. I die, as you know, at noon to morrow. You, as my lawyer, can see me at tny time. Will you come as soon as you receive this and win the gratitude of the man you know as "JAMES Fox?" "The man I know as James Fox," muttered the lawyer; "the smooth, plausible scoundrel who actually made me believe him in nocent of the hideous murder for which he was convicted. I can find exenuation for some murders, but the cold-blooded assassination of an old man for money only was re volting. How he deceived me, though, for a time. And how he exalted over his success in doing so when he saw facts were too strong. Shall I go to him ? I. suppose I must, It is still very early." It was not yet midnight when Gerald Langton was ushered into the cell of the man who, in a few short hours, was to meet the extreme penalty of the law for the worst of all crimes. Yet there was nothing revolting in the appearance of the criminal. His dress was neat, his hair care fully arranged, his mustache fault less, his hands white and refined looking. He rose from his seat upon the bed as his lawyer en-j tered the cell, the plan a y be improvedt'rmy toyem Mr. Gregory is said to have improved tb. blarble head Mammoth Cabbage, from a 'ordinary' pl.int, to its present desirab prc . portions. I have improved the 'lncombf cabbage frot a mere !scrub,' until I cou now sell twice the quantity of seeds thar can raise- either in New York or Londot Pumpkins and Meions have been pushed at improved, until the former can now be pr duced weighing 120 lbs. and the latter as big as 85 lbs. Apple trees, cattle, hogs, an even human beings, may be itnp'oved I almost every conceivabic respect, by atter t;on and culture. Very many planters pay no attention hina Oafrk out ye' Ptxg accuc ent I esca penalty. On the same day James Fox was sentenced to two years for petty larceny, and we were sent to gether to prison. James Fox-my comrade, understand, not myself -was deranged, but his lawyers had not been able to save him, as his aberration was not always apparent. When we were en tered upon the books, of the prison, imagine my amazement when my fellow prisoner gave my name for his own. Like . flash I saw the advantage to be gained by the deception, and allowed the error to pass. My companion hommitted suicide, and I escaped with two years' imprisonant instead of seven. But I feared reoeguition, and went to Canada. There I lived by !ny wits until a year ago, when I returned to try to raise money for my wife, and thought I saw an easier plan by committing the crime for which I die to-morrow. But I want to see my wife. I wronged her-I robbed her-but heaven is witness I loved her. When I was in prison she dropped my name and took her own again. So it is not for Mrs. Alexander Hull you must ask, but for Mrs. Maud Temple." Was the room reeling-the ceil ing falling-the wall closing around him ? Gerald Langton felt as they were as the name fell upon his ears. Maude-his Maude-the wife of this cool villain who talked of his hideous crimes as if they were or dinary events ? Well, he knew that to carry this man' s mesbage was to! separate himself from Mande for-. ever. Never 'would she let him marry the widow of a murderer. Very rapidly all the terrible facts passed, one after another, and he said: "If you love her why add a misery to her life ? She may live down the old pain you caused her: I why, for a selfish gratification, will you make her whole life a misery ?" "She was my wife. I would bid her farewell." "She is not your wife. Your own crimes have released her frome any allegiance to you." "You know her ?" "Yes. I know what she has suffered, and beg of you to let herr still believe you died years ago." "She is happy ?" "Scarcely that. Such wounds as 1 hers never heal entirely, but it is cruelty to tear them open whent they are quiet." "Has she married ?'' "No. She is still your widow." "It is hard to deny myself onec more sight of her face, and the hope had that she would say that shet forgave me."s '-Think of her, not yourself." t There was a long silence in thei cell.~ Every throb of Gerald Langton's I heart was pain to him, but Alexan-a der Hull sat in moody silence, evi-c dently reluctant to give up his t wish. C A t last he snoke. C "You have been very good to me. Tall me, nr,.7, if you have any per sonal reason for your request. Per haps you love her ?" "I do," was the brief reply. ",She has promised to be my wife." "Then it will be James Fox who is hanged to-morrow. I meant to give my real name, but. I will carry my secret to my grave. It may be in another world that the little self-denial will be a plea for me. Go now you may trust me." lie kept his word, and Gerald Laugton his secret. When Maude, a few weeks later, became his wife, she little guessed the terrible ordeal that he had spared hei-, or the added disgrace that, belongod to the name she had given up. OistUrnuents. BILL ARP. Bill Arp is the soundest and rnuest of phillosophers, and there is a vein of poetry underlying the irst of these sentences as i ouching ly. tenderly beautiful in effect as simple and unique in expression. Referring to his farmer's life, he says: "We are happier on the farm than we were in the town, and feel more secure from the ills of life. We fear no pestilence or disease, no burglars or thieves. We lock no doors, and Mrs. Arp has stopped looking under the bed for a man. I love to hear the churn dasher splashing in the butter milk. [love -to hear the roosters crow ind peacock holler, and see the martins sailing around the martin gourds. I love to have a neigh bor stop and chat about the growing crops. I love to take the I :bildren with me to the water mill, and fish beloy the dam amid the roar of falling wa'ers, and paddle around the pond in an old leaky batteau. I love to wander through the woods and glades and wear old :lothes that can get no older or :irtier, and get caught in a shower >f rain if I want to. Horace re :narked about two thousand years igo that the' town was the best place for a rich man to live in, and te country Wa te"bArplace for t poor man to die in, and inasmuch 3s riches are uncertan and death 3ure, it becomes a poor man to move to the country as soon as he yan get there. Farmers have their ips and downs, of course, but they lon't collapse and burst np like tradesmen. They don't go down inder a panic. Ten years ago aearly all the iron men broke or mspended, and they are on the look out now for another squall, md I don't want the squall to :ome from anything our party will lo when we get intoq the Govern nent wagon and pull the reins ver the dashboard. Let us go tow and let everybody down easy. [ do not think it good policy for >ne newspapers to say very much n the tariff quebtion. Touch it ip gently, handle it gingerly, for it s a dangerous old gun, and kicks wfully when over overloaded. 'hey might shoot a blank cartridge >r burst a cap occasionally, -Iut we nust. all be careful, or the Demo ratic log will split into pieces on ~he tariff business. There are some ~racks in it now. Let us say to he country that the tariff is now rry unequal and unsatisfactory, md we intend to make it all right md do everybody justice. General Forney must promise protection to ron in North Alabama, and Gen ara Somebody must have every. thing free somewher'e else. I won ir what will become of all these ffice holders when "we" uns' git n next year! I 'm sorry for 'em in idvance, for I don't know what ;hey will do for a living. Thety iave held office so long that they re not fit for any other bus ness, md I am afraid they 'vill perish to leath or fall on the country. But hen I -eckon they will pick up tome little more something and put t away before we turn 'em out. I -eckon they will. HALF HUMAN, HALF ALLIGATO. 'wo of the five children of John j cDonald, of Florida, are de cribed as "half human and half a ~lligator." These children, says a 3 eporter who has seen them, are ow nine years of age. Their ( >odies, arms and heads from the< ips up are perfectly formed, whilet ro the hips down they present I be identical appearance of an alli i ~ator, having a perfectly formed a ail about five feet in length, to- i ~ether with the hind feet and legs I f the 'gator. They crawl around a i their hands and feet, converse it- v elligently, and seem to enjoy life r 'ry much. They live part of the ; ie in the water, which they enjoy c 'ry muche, using their tails while c wimming, the same as the alliga or, to propel their bodies. They xec healthy, good looking and well- c leveloped children, and outside of 13 heir love for the water their mode if living is the same as that of the human beingst C THE DEAR DEPARTED. HOW THE WIDOW BECEIVED THE RESOLU TIONS OF CONDOLENCE. John William blank belonged to < the Ancient and Modern and High. I ly Honorable Sons of Guns of De- i troit. If it wasn't that. it was som-e < other fraternal order which - meets I every Monday night and pays so t much to the heirs of every member who happens to die. - . John William happened to di the other month, and a committee was appointed to draft, resolutions f and present them to his wife-in per son. The first part of their duties c was fulfilled to the entire satisfac tion of the lodge, brt the committee t had some little trouble in finding Mrs. Blank. They traced her from t one neighbor to another, and finally t found her at her sister's, hat and a shawl on ready to go out. f '-Resolutions of sympathy, eh?" t Well, read em." The chairman of the committee e proceeded to read that John Wil- 1 liam was a good husband and a kind father, and a citizen of unap- a proacliable integrity, when the wid- t Dw interrupted : e "Too much taffy ! We used to have 1 , fight every week, and as to his be- t ing a kind father, we never had any hildren. As for his integrity he stole all the wood we burned last b winter !' The chairman gulped down some 1hing and continued to read that John William was an upright broth ar, a man with a heart full of sym )athy for the misfortunes of others, s and that charity and forgiveness d were the beacon fires which guided a us footsteps. "Fudge !" sneered the widow, "I washed for the money to pay his Ines to the lodge, and all the sym- a athy any one got out of him wouldn't buy a cents worth of court laster. Forgiveness ! Well, some P ne of you ought to have sat down Mn his hat some time. He'd h:.ve ,evenge if it cost him a year in We state prison. Beacon fire is purty rood, considering that we never had 3 decent stove in the house." "Madam, your husband has been malled hence." "Exactly; I was at the funeral md ought to know." "He was cut down like aower." "Well, f"owere ought to let whisky a md saloons and plug tobacco and ld sledge alone." "And we trust that our loss is his rain." "Well. if he's any better off I'm glad on't but I guess the gain is on your side. Now that's all I want o hear. I can pick up a thousand etter men than him with my eyes hut. I'm in a hurry to go down F md see a woman who offers to sell t fur lined circular for $15, and if f ^ou have any more highfaldtin shakspeare to git off, my sister will C ;ake it and save it till I come back. -Free Press. - BILL, NYE Tm.Es 'O YoUNG MEN. ~Toung manl, what are -you living or i Have you an object dear to ~ rou as life, and without the attain nent of which you feel that your ife would have been a wide, shore ess%aste, peopled by the spectres >f dead ambition? You can take . rour choice in. the great battle of ' ife, whether you bristle up and win ~ Sdeathless name, or be satisfied I vith scabs and mediocrity. Manyk >f those who now stand at the Ii iead of the nation as statesmen " ird logicians were once unknown, mhonored and unsung. Now they 0 aw the air of the halls of Congress, nd ther names are plastered on ame. You catn win some laurels too, if ron will brace up and secure them wen they are ripe. Live tem erately on $9 a month. That's he way we got our start. Get ome true, noble-minded young y ady of your acquaintance to assist ro. Tell her of your troubles and and she will tell you what to do. t he will gladly advise you. Then " ro can marry her, and she will ad rise you some more. You needn't " e out out of advice at all unless a 'on want to. She too, will tell t4 ro when you have made a mistake. ~ he will come to you frankly and knowledge that you have made a akass of yourself. As she gets there acquainted withP 'on she will be more candid with on, and in her unstudied, girlishb ray, she will point errors, and 7dually convince you with an d chair leg and other arguments, g at you were wrong, and your past ife will come up before you like a anorama, andi you will tell her so, sl nd she will let you up again. Life si s indeed a mighty struggle. It, is b usiness. We can',t, all be editors nd loungo around all the time, and ~ere good clothes, and have our tc ames in the papers and draw h rincely salaries. Some one most o the work and drudgery of life, r it won't be done. a The dog has queer taste in matters. dress. He Wears his pants in! is mouth. Men cannot counn ' the golden pnnt.nities of the& ADVfI?kIk GAU Advertemaens inserted at the 1.00 per saquare (one inch) foreta md 75 cents for each subsequet inrtes.. Doable column advertisements ten per eent )fl above. - Notices of meetingsobitaaries andtrlb r >f respect, same rates per tqua aserdtty,x dvertisements. - Special Notices in Local column 15 oeat )erline. Advertisements not marked with the am=; )er of Insertions will be kept in tUtlb md charged accordingly. l Special contracts made with lage adve isers, with liberal dedactionsou above rsea JOB FI.W1" )ONE WITH NEATNESS AND DISPAZ'Cb TERMS CASH. ADVERTISING A PATENT SHIRT BoOM. Sauntering over into Broadway, came across a man coolly and leliberately undressing himself. -e look!-d respectable, was fash onably dressed, and bore no indi" atiou of inebriety or insanity. He ook off his coat andhang it care ally on a railing. Then he did the; awe with his vest. His cravat had y this time gathered. His strange novements were watched in saase nent- He slipped the suspenders row his shoulders, and that rather dranced stage of the proceedings _ ame to a stop. "You will observe, ' entlemen," said he, in a loud, o. orical voice, "that my shirt is am oarkable one. Its bosom is de achable. Not that it is for-decep ive purposes, to enable a man to ppear to wear a clean shirt when, or a fact, he has. on a soiled one, bough there's no, law against i nt it is the greatest hot weather omfort ever invented. See here-1 'he bosom, is attached only at-top nd bottom, leaving the sides free; nd you all know that by removing be pressure of. the shirt on the ' hest-" and so on, to the end ofs ong and rbapiedical explanation of be device. Having thoroughly advertised be new shirt to that assemblage e dressed himself and passed o ' "Rather an embarrassing sorto alling,' I remarked to him, ashe ave a finishing touch to his rea-a ssted cravat. '-O, it's like any public profee ion," he replied with manifest con ercension. "One feels some diff ence-a kind -of stage fright-un Ji assured - of one's ability to g Lrough with it, but confidence ad kill beget each other. - All except '; rtists will tell you that." Evidently he was not' to be at' itied.-Cor. Ckioago Inter-.Ocean W ilY 1MOE PEOPLE FAIL They neglect details. They fail to advertise. They fail to push business. They talk politics too inueh. They have no eye to business. They imitate their neighbors. They overlook the small th3#sg They know not the gga- oi method. They beome rusty and losefam ition. They let their help westend*.~ troy. They have too much outside - usmness. They fail to invent or have new leas. They are illberal to home enter rise. They are penny wise and pound x>lish. They are not polite or acciommo-' ating. They know not that the bestis Le cheapest. - They hope for fort.une to drop ato their laps. They think most things take too iuch trouble. A IIARD CREDITOR. In times gone by a wholesole ierchant had the reputation of be :g terribly hard on a debtor who iet with ill-luck, and itwaa thaw >re with a sad heart that a Pough eepsie grocer, who had been ob gd to close his doors, sent hiua 'ord and waited his coming. "I shall take your house andlot f course." said the creditor. "Of course." "And your horse?i "And your wife's jewelry 1 "Yes.' "And your boy's pony ? "Yes." "And-and, look here, .sir ; are on hiding anything from me? ? "My dear sir," replied the deb I want to reserve my grandfather' >mbstone. It -has not been put p yet and stands in the barn? "Want to reserve it, do you" used the creditor. Well, I'll e bout it-l'll see if it will pay me , >have it cut down for the baby ly daughter lost last week." ( Wall Street Newos. A young lady was caressing ? retty spaniel anh murmuring: "I o love a nice dog!" "Alh,' gbed a dandy standing near, "I ould 1 were a dog." "Never ind,'' retorted the lady, "you'll row." Who says it is unhealthy to eep in feathers ? Look at the ying chicken and see'liw tough When a woman smiles from ear ear, it's real arean to say that - ~r mouth went back on her. The Mississippi river is very low, " d cannot leave its bed. When does a tree feel contented ? hen its sappy.. A tree at Wianpy,- Pla., bea.