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MISUNDERSTANDING "D. C. M.1 Enthusiastic Villagers Take Up Col lection for Suitable Token for Intemperate Soldier. A delegate to the Pan-American con gress in Washington said: "They who oppose or dread the Mon roe doctrine misunderstand it. They misunderstand it as completely as the villagers misunderstood the soldier's letter. "A soldier in the trenches wrote home to his brother that he had got the D. C. M. The brother, mad with joy, rushed through the village to show the letter about. Much enthus iasm was aroused. A committee was Instituted and a collection begun for the purchase of a suitably inscribed gold timepiece for the village hero. "But just when the collection had almost reached the needed total, the brother at home got another letter from the trenches. " 'Well. Jack, old boy,' the second letter said, 'they've let me out at last Seven days' hard for going a bit heavy on the red wine of the countryside pretty rough, eh, on the part of our district court-martial, or D. C. M., as we call it over here?'" i A Case of Necessity. "What sort of club is this you have .Joined?" "It's called the 'League of Light Hearts.' " "Hum! Sounds rather piffling." "It's a band of optimists, you know. We sign a pledge not to worry." "I see. And do the members keep the pledge?" "Well-er-all but our treasurer. He has the dickens of time collecting the dues." In the Dark. Patience-You know I read the other day that many plants possess light giving qualities, their blossoms and stems being luminous and their juiceB also being phosphorescent. Patrice-Wei!, what ot that? "Why, now when Will calls I won't take any chance. I have all th3 plants removed from the room." BRIDGET'S IDEA. "Neither, mur He was me hus band, mum." What ls Most Needed. "Here's a list of automobile acces sories. The advertiser says no motor ist can do without them." "Let me see the list. Ah! Just as I thought. It isn't complete." "Why not?" "It doesn't Include an inexhaustible bank roll." A Crusty Reader. "Getting anything out of that book you are reading?" "I should say so. The smart Aleck who borrowed it before I did tried to show off his learning by penciling i marginal notes all through the book, j and what I'm guting out of it is a man's-size grouch." Her Idea. Mr. Yeast-Here's an item that says more than $60,000,000 worth of gold has been taken from the Juneau belt. Mrs. Yeast-Well, I think Juneau or any other man is very foolish to carry that amount of money around with him in his belt. Seemed So. "I see that the average man con sumes one ton of solid and liquid nour ishment in a year," said the boarder with the red necktie. "Well," replied the woman who kept the house. "I'm quite sure my man boarders are away above the average." The Needful. Promoter-I'd like to combine all ! the bakeries in this town, but I lack one thing. Interviewer-What's that? Promoter-The dough. Very Likely. Bacon-A child has to crawl before it can walk, doesn't it? Egbert-Surely. "Well, is it the same way with cheese?" Protection. "TVhy do you carry that poem in your pocket, pard?" "Because it ls 'Woodman, Spare That Tree.' I recite it every time anybody asks me to tackle a wood pile." California Ones. "Do you notice any improvement since you began eating olives?" "Why, don't you know, dear, I he lluva I am getting a decidedly Span ish accent." _ ....-jt--Lia ,i hftuL KNEW WHERE "HE WAS AT Possum, However, Was Unable to Tell of His Whereabouts, to Employer Over the Phone. When the late Robert Aull was park commissioner there was a negro boy called Possum who helped around the boathouse in Forest Park lake. Pos sum was a mighty hunter and fisher man, and those qualities appealed to Colonel Aull. Sometimes Colonel Aull and Possum took lanterns at night and caught a mess of frogs in Forest Park. Possum had a falsetto voice and a vast ignorance of how to use the tele phone. He had located several fat, fine frogs that he thought Colonel Aull might like to gig and he called him up at the city hall. The commissioner's stenographer answered the telephone and after hear ing Possum's shrill tenor demanding an interview with "Mistah Aull," she said: "There's a lady on the phone who wants to speak to you personal ly." Colonel Aull went to the telephone and said: "Well, this is Mr. Aull; what is it, madame?" The reply came: "Thith ith Poth um! I want to talk to Mithta Aull." "This is Mr. Aull. Who are you?" "Thith ith Pothum. Don't you know Pothum? Pothum, the nigger out at Foreth Park. I want you to come and meet me, and we'll get thorne frawgth." "O, all right, Possum. Wl^s- are you?" "Th uh?" "Where are you?" "I don't know what you thaid. Thith ith Pothum. I want you to come right out and meet me." "All right, I'll come, but where are you?" "I don't know what you thaid." Then the park commissioner, rais ing his voice, resorted to the lan guage of the plain people: "Where are you at?" "O," responded Possum, with a sigh of relief. "Heah I 1th."-St. Louis Globe-Democrat. JAVA IN HELPLESS STATE People of Tropical Garden of the World Are Without Ambition to Advance. The garden par excellence of the tropic world is Java, yet intellectually it is but a cemetery of withered hopes and ambitions wrecked in mockery, for over all there broods the dull fatalism of despair-the "sufficient unto the day" of the conquered follower of Ma hommed. Ambition, if it exists in the Java of today, seems powerless to raise its people above the condition of the Asiatic peasant, Dr. Alfred G. Mayor writes in the Scientific Month ly. There is no well-to-do class of na tive artisans, and one may travel throughout thc land and find hardly a native shop upon whose wares the Eu ropean may bestow a glance of admi ration, save only for the vanishing art of batick cloth, and the still more moribund manufacture of the Krees. Antlike over the whole land, In every view, there swarms the full-faced, do cile coolie of the soil. Measured by standards of mortality, a source of commercial weakness, and Java has not always "paid," despite her con querors' efforts to secure as much profit from her as their conscience and the public spirit of their times would permit. The water supply of her countless mountain streams might turn the wheels of many .. mill, but Java still sends her product : abroad in the form of raw materials, and the cul tivation of cotton is not even at tempted. His Explanation: The streets were crowded with idle miners and the city authorities, taking advantage of the fact, had a good amount of work done putting in sew ers, paving streets, etc. Mulligan, who was not above earn ing a little extra money whenever pos sible, had taken over a job at digging ditches. One morning his friend chanced to pass him as he was laboring shoveling earth. "Hallo, Mulligan! What are jez doin' there?" The workman leaned on his spade and made a long pause before an swering: "Oh, Oi thought Oi would work just whoile Oi was oldie, boy." Not Creatures of the Sea. The National museum at Washing ton, contains a notable display of the bones of several species of extinct mammals which, if seen alive in the ocean, would be called huge sea ser pents. They were carnivorous and their long, slender jaws were armed with formidable teeth. Although a few remaining individuals of the group may have given actual basis for the sea-serpent stories, these extinct ani mals were not reptiles, but mammals which, like the whale and seal and ot ter, had happened to evolve In an aquatic environment. Not Such a Fooi. "Here's a strange case," said Mrs. Spotter to her husband. "A man they called the town fool up in New Hampshire died, and they weighed his hrain. It was heavier than the aver age." "Is that all it says about him?" "Yes-except that he was for many years entirely dependent on well-to do relatives." "Huh-he was no fool. If you have well-to-do relatives, why use your brains?" THE ETERNAL FEMININE LBy IZOLA FORRESTER. "Hello, hello! Yes, this is Milt. Oh!" -Milton's tone breathed interest and surprise-"It's you, girlie?" Beth turned around and stared with wide-open eyes, listening. "Indeed, I will-right away. Not a bit of it. I'm awfully glad to help out. Goodby." He hung up the receiver and wheeled about, looking not at Beth, but at the clock. "It's Mrs. Hewitt. Her husband's in Baltimore, and wired her to meet him, and the maid's gone, and there's no body to help her down with her suit case. She wants me to run up to din ner and take her to the station after ward. You don't mind, of course, Beth?" "Who is Mrs. Hewitt?" she asked frigidly. "Why, she's a girl I knew out in Denver, you know." "I don't know. How old is she and what does she look like?" "Now, Beth"-Milton looked a bit bored as if he hated to go into tho subject, it was so trivial-"I think we agreed that real love is above jeal ousy. This is only common courtesy. I've known 'Girlie' Cooper-she used to be a Cooper-since I was a boy at school. She's about twenty-four, I guess-around there." At eighteen twenty-four looks world ly wise and experienced. Beth pursed her lips. "I'll be back by nine," added Milton. Beth looked at him with growing suspicion. "Do you think you'll need a cushion as a tame cat?" she inquired wither ingly. "You needn't come back here, Milt. She cculd call a taxi and go down by herself. Of course, you can do just as you please, but you needn't come back here if you go carting suit cases around for old. sweethearts." "You know, Milt, you can't deceive me one bit." She leaned her adorable chin on her palm and looked up at him. "I've heard of 'Girlie' Cooper. Mrs. Daniels told me you were engaged to her and perfectly wild over her five years ago. I think it's terrible for the man you love to have memories of other girls." She rose suddenly and left him standing there, expostulating. She really did need a lesson, Milton told himself severely. Utter lack of faith in him was too much to bear un checked. All this he told himself going up to Girlie's, all the way through dinner, all the way downtown. Girlie talked in cessantly cf Hobart, her husband, of his congressional ambitions, his tastes, his achievements. She was a little, appealing sort of woman, with big brown eyes and a wistful chin. Mil ton found himself comparing her men tally with Beth'B beautiful clear-eyed buoyant girlishness. "You know the real reason why I asked you to see me to the station, Milt," she said as they entered the taxi. "It's for Hcbart's sake. I want you to see that his new bill is handled fairly by the papers. You will, won't you, Milt? I don't know myself just what it's about, but it must be a splen did measure or he'd never take it up. He's that type of man, you know, Milt Just ask Miss Wharton." "Beth?" asked Milton, alarmed, "what does sho know about him?" "Why, didn't you know?" The big brown eyes met his in surprise. "She saved his life. We've been married a year, and it wns before he met me. She was hardly more than a child, he told me, and they were all down at Pinehearst for the late winter season. I believe he wa3 accidentally shot, and she found him. as she was riding through the mountains and saved, him." "Was-was he in love with her?" asked Milt feebly. "Quite romantic, wasn't it?" "He was till he met me," Girlie an swered complacently, "but he'll never destroy her pictures. He's got forty snapshots of her, I do believe, taken that season. I hated her till I heard you were toing to marry her." The next morning, Beth met him, radiant and ready for their usual walk , in the park. "I'm so sorry, dear," she said, "but you know" you would go. I know wom en are perfect cats, and she only want ed to tell you about Hobart and me; so I tried to keep you from going. I refused him about ten times, Milt, and I'm not one bit jealous of her." Milton stared thoughtfully at the spring vista ahead of them. And he had feared to wound her, had wanted to teach her a lesson. "Why didn't you tell me you knew him?" he asked. "I never even thought of him. Don't you know, Milt," her voice was strong with faith, "when the real big love comeB into your life it seems to just sweep away everything else. Be sides, I didn't want you to know I was -er-lobbying. Isn't that what you call it? The woman's club I belong to is "behind a bill, something about fountains at street corners, and we wanted him to present it, so I wrote tc him about it and it comes up tumor row. Aren't you glad, dear? If you. only could get something into the pa pers about it, I'd love you for it, Milt." Milton gloomed at the landscape realizing for the first time In his lift the underlying power of the eterna; feminine. "I'll try," he promised. (Copyright, 1816, by the McClure NewspB/ per Syndicate.) Master's Sale. Slate of South Carolina, County of Edgefield, Tu Court Common Pleas. Woodward Lumber Company- j Plaintiff-against-J. J. Langley -Defendant. Pursuant to the decree in the above entitled cause I shall offer for sale at public outcry to the highest bidder before the Court House, Town of Edgefield, County and State aforesaid, on Salesday in Oc tober 1916, the same being the 2nd day of said month, between the le gal hours of sale thy interest of the defendant, .7. J. Langley, in the following described realty, to wit: All that piece, parcel or tract of land, situate, lying and being form erly in the county of Edgefield (now McCormick county) and State afore said, containing Two Hundred and Fifty (250) Acres, more or less, and bounded as follows: Adjoining lands of W. .T. White, T. K. Col lier, C. M. Minor and C. M. Till man and others. If purchaser at said sale shall fail to comply with the terms thereof within one hour from the time of said sale, said premises, upon direc tion Plaintiff, or his Attorneys, will be resold on said day at the risk of the former purchaser. Purchaser to pay for papers. J. H. CANTELOU, Master, E. C. S. C. Sept. 5, 1916. Citation. STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, COUXTY OF EDGEFIELD. By W. T. Kinnaird, Probate Judge. Whereas, James Boyd made spit to me, to grant him Letters of Ad ministration of the Estate and ef fects of Ada Boyd, late of said County and State, deceased, These Are Therefore to cite and admonish all and singular the kin dred and creditors of the said Ada Boyd deceased, that they be and appear before me, in the Court of j Piobate, to be held at Edgefield, C. H., S. C., in ray office on 7th day of | October, (1916) next, after publica tion thereof, at ll o'clock in the forenoon, to show cause, if any they have, why the said Adminis tr?tion should not be granted. Given under my Hand this 1st j day of Sept. A. D" 1916. W. T. Kinnaird, P. J. E. C. Sept. 6, 1916-31. FIRE-LIFE INSURANCE See me before insuring else where. I represent the Epuita ble Fire Insurance Company of Charleston and the Southern Stock Fire Insurance Company of Greensboro, N. C. I also rep resent the Life Insurance Com pany of Virginia. J. T. Harling At the Farmers Bank, Edgefield AGENCY People's Oil Company I take this means of an nouncing that I have acquired the Edgefield agency for the people's Oil Company, and shall be pleased to serve all of the patrons of Mr. John ll. Tompkins, my predecessor, and also add many new ones to my list. I can supply Kerosene, Gasoline and Lu bricating Oils at all times. We make a specialty of serv ing garages and ginneries. AV. D. ALLEN. Phone 90. P. O. Box 131. Prudential Rates: Age Whole 15 Life Payment Life 18-20 814 83 827.08 22 15.49 27.97 25 16.61 29.43 30 18.91 32.26 35 21.00 35.70 40 25.85 39.91 50 38.83 51.91 ?? 63.08 72.60 <35 82.86 t 89.33 Disability clause free. Reduced oy annual dividends. E. J. NORRIS, Act. Will Surely Slop Thal Gouah. To Dave A ?BANK ACCO OoBjrkht 1909, by C. E. Zimmerman Co--No. 44 F all the unhappy homes not one in a hundred has a bank account and not one home in a hundred who has a bank account is unhappy. It seems almost foolish to put it off any longer, when it is such a simple, easy matter to start a bank account. BANE OF EDGEFIELD OFFICERS : J. C. Sheppard, President; B. E. Nicholson, vice-President E. J. Mims, Cashier; J. H. Allen. Assistant Oashier. . DIRECTORS : J. C. Sheppard, Thos. H. Rainsford, John Rainsford, B. E. Nicholson, A. S. Tompkins. C. C. Fuller, E. J. Mims. J. H. Allen. ! Crystal . Spring . Water Nature' Health-Giving Water Unexcelled for Indigestion, Stomach and Kidney Trouble. Highly Recommended by Prominent Physicians. A Trial Bottle Will Convince You of Its Merits. ? Crystal Spring Water Co. AT F. G. MERTINS 854 Broad Street Augusta, Ga. Phone 101 Bring Your Autos to US ? I Ililli lilli- ll. n IWHJMMM When your cars are in need of repairs bring them to our shop, where they will receive the atten tion of expert machinist at reasonable prices. All work done with dispatch and only the best of material is used. Edgefleld Auto Repair Shop J. T. MIMS, Jr., Proprietor Ready for 1916 Season I have had my entire ginnery thoroughly overhauled and am ready to serve the people, giving entire satis tion in quantity and quality of lint. I pay the highest market price for seed, and give my personal attention to mv ginnery and seed business. R. T. HILL