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Darkest Africa" W President With Mombasa* East Africa, By Cable. ^Mombasa is preparing already to wel come Theodore Roosevelt when he lands her*? the latter part of next month on his much-heralded African .trip, and the coming of the former president of the United States has .given a dec ded impetus to the inter est in the present hunting season. The governor of the protectorate, Lieut. ?CoL Sir James Sadler is getting up -entertainment for the distinguished visitor, but in spite of these arrange ments, the greeting to Mr. Roosevelt .will be more to the great sportsman ?whose fame is well known to local banters than to the former president. East African sportsmen were high ly gratified to learn that Mr. Roose had refused the offer of the authori ties to grant him a special hunting license that would have permitted him to kill game to an unlimited extent . instead of confining himself to the "two elephants, two rhinoceroses, two hippopotami, etc. Lions and leopards ?are classed as vennin and consequent ly no licens? to kill them is required. The white population of Mombasa has heard much of Mr. Roosevelt's 'personality and in a joking way frequent references to the "big ?stick" are being made. The prospects for good hunting this season are considered excellent. Many -settlers in the outlying distiicts, real izing the increasing interest in the .prospects for good sport because of "the-coming of Mr. Roosevelt, are vol 4mtarily sending in information about "the movements of game. According DECISION IN FAVOR O Chicago, Special.-The Ctandard .Oil Company, of Indiana, found not guilty of accepting rebates from the -Chicago & Alton Railroad on ship ments of oil from Whiting, Ind., to East St. Louis, Ul. The verdict was returned by a jury in the Federal Court on instructions, of Judge A. G. Anderson, who averred that he fol lowed the Circuit Court of Appeals' decision as to the verdict returned at' the former trisl of the same case and on which verdict Judge Kennesaw Mountain landis assessed a fine of $29,240,000. Judge Anderson's decision was not unexpected as he had Tuesday told the government prosecutors that the proof relied on in the first -trial was incompetent and that it must be com plemented or fail. It was with some thing of an air of hopelessness that District Attorney Edwin W. Sims and GEORGIA TOWNS SUI Atlanta, Ga^ Special-With the completed death roll of Sunday night's Arkansas tornado just com ing in, the tail end of the Arkansas storm which Tuesday night swept across Alabama and south Georgia Wednesday set in motion a new death count for the latter two States. This ..count was ten, five, negroes killed in Cuthbert, Ga., and three whites and two-negroes drowned at Montgomery, [Ala*, the. latter deaths a result of high water following a record rain fall for the past 20* years. Cununing, Ga^ Tuesday got into tegraphic communication with the outside world and sent word that a tornado ploughed through miles of timber, farm yards and valuable property in that vicinity besides de stroying half a dozen farmers' homes and seriously injuring a young man and a young woman. Cuthbert Hard Hit. Cuthbert, Ga., reported the damage at $500,000 and Mayor D. A. Mc Pherson issued an appeal for aid., SHIPS COLLIDE ON MA Chatham, Mass., Special. - The steamer Horatio Hall , of the Maine Steamship Company, from Portland, New York and H. F. Dimock, of the Metropolitan fine, from J?ew York to Boston, collided at 7 o'clock Wednes day morning and the Hall went to the bottom in half an hour and the MUST NOT PLACE OIS Washington, Special.-The Ameri can Federation of Labor hereafter may freely refer to the boycott against the Buck Stove and Rango company of St. Louis, except by in clusion in the "We don't patronize; Kst." This in substance of' wide spread importance to the labor world, to manufactures and to newspapers generally, is the sweeping decision handed down Thursday by the court cf appeals of the District of Colum bia intbe neted injunction case of the Bucks Stove and Range company ? against the American Federation of j Lahor, which has bfeen before the i ANGRY FIRE IN SPARTANBI Spartanburg, S. C., Special-In a fierce and angry fire Friday night, that resisted all efforts of the fire de partment, the two-story brcik build ing of J. B. and J. F. Cleveland and occupied by Harry Price, clothier, and H. L. Bowden, dry goods, was destroyed together with the stock of both merchants, entailing a loss of $50,000. Assistant Fire Chief Mitch ell and Fireman Stevans were injur ANTHRACITE MINERS AND ! Philadelphia, March ll.-The an thracite coal operators met the com mittee of hard coal miners in the Beading Terminal building here Thursday and flatly refused to grant the men any of the demands they laid before them, and at the same time proposed to the mine workers that the present agreement, which expires March 31, be renewed for an other term of three years. This de cision came as a great dissappoint i woos ?ll Welcome the Ex i Open Arms. ! to a dispatch received here a r?cord group of lions, numbering 32, was seen on tho Nandi plateau Tuesday at i a point about 50 miles north of Port Florence. (The Nandi plateau is on the west side of the great -Rift val ley.) Among them were three huge I males. Giraffes Seen. Four families of giraffs have been seen at Makindu, 200 miles inland from here, on the line of the Uganda railroad, and elephants have been seen at Elburgon, 475 miles inland on the "railroad and along the Sabaki river, not far to the north of Mom basa. B. J. Cunningham, the noted Eng lish big game hunter and naturalist, who is to be guide to and general manager of the Roosevelt party, has been here for some time completing the preparations for the trip into the wilderness as well as the shooting and collecting excursions along the line of the railroad. He is selecting and hir ing native porters for the excursion. He takes only experienced men who are known to be courageous and to possess great physical strength. The safari kit, in other words, the camp equipment for the work in the open, is to come from London and will bs in readiness when Mr. Roosevelt arrives. Everything points to a successful stay in British East Africa and Ugn da for Mr. Roosevelt ; the natives are peaceful; game is plentiful and the people of Mombasa are waiting eager ly to extend him a welcome. F THE OIL COMPANY his assistant attempted to show the advisability of the Illinois classifica tion to prove the existence of a legal rate of 18 cents, which was a vital point in the government's contention Attorneys Threw Up Case. It was after Assistant District Ai? torney James H. Wilkerson had ar gued for two hours and in the end ad mitted that the prosecution could not furnish the further proof deemed nec essary by the court for a continuation of the case, that Judge Anderson an nounced his decision. Mr. Wilkerson said that the government could pro ceed no further and suggested dismis sal of the case. Attorney John S. Miller, chief counsel in the case for the oil company, immediately moved that there be an instructed verdict of not guilty., The court so ordered, and the jury, which had been excluded during the arguments by the attor neyst was called in and charged. RFER FROM STORMS Nearly half of the main business block of Cuthbert w?s demolished. Every store on Depot street was blown down, filling the street with piles of brick and timbers. Home less persons wandered through the town searching for household posses sions which the wind had scattered for blocks in all directions. The whites dead at Montgomery are: Wiliam Dillard, 20 years old. Thomas Harper, of Atlanta, 23 years. Unidentified white man. Floods at Montgomery, Ala. Montgomery. Ala., Special.-Heavy and continuous rains wrought great damage here and thc situation was made serious Tuesday. Several homes in north Montgomery were abandoned and inmates camed to places of safety in boats. The Grand Theatre, a handsome new structure, was flooded and the damage will be heavy. LSSACHUSETTS COAST Dimock ran ashore six hours later on Cape Cod beach, where the passengers and crew of the Hall were landed unharmed. . Wireless calls were mads but the position of the ships was not well stated and in the dense fog as sistance failed to reach the point of diastev. I THE "UNFAIR LIST" courts of the District of Columbia in various phases for months. In a re cent decision by Justice Gould of the supreme court of the District the American Federation of Labor and : the officers, Messrs. Gompers, Mitch ell, Morrison, and others were en joined from conspiring to boycott the Bucks Stove nhd Range company and from printing or publishing or dis tributing, through the mails or other wise, any copy of The Federationist or other publication refering to the complainant, its business or products I in the "We don't patronize" or ?"Unfair Hst." JRG DOES $50,000 DAMAGE ed by falling timbers, though it is not thought their injuries will prove serious. At one time it looked as if tho en tire block from the Whittington drug store on the corner of Main and Church streets, just north of where the fire originated to the Lee Build ing on the south, 'would be destroy ed. The loss, which is estimated at $50,000, is partially insured. OPERATORS CANNOT AGREE ment to the men. When the after noon session of the conference ad journed, Thoraas L. Lewis, national president of the United Mine Work ers of America, and his colleagues filed out of President Baer's office and went straight to the hotel. A committee of seven representatives of Anthracite mine workers and a committee of seven representatives of the AnthraciV? operators held a joint meeting in the afternoon to discuss the mine workers demands. TWO TRAINS^ COLLIDE Colored Firemen the Only Victim of Head-On Crash Between Freight and Passenger Trains at Colon. Sanford, Special. - Seaboard pas senger train No. 32, southbound, and i northbound freight ran together bead-on Saturday morning about 4:30 o'clock at Colon, a small station about 35 miles south of Raleigh. Massey Lindsay, the colored fireman of the passenger train was killed, and the engineer, Ed Robertson, of Raleigh, was badly hurt. . ' The engineer, M. J. Eisenhart, of the freight, and his fireman jumped and neither was hurt. Capt. W. C. Cos, conductor on the passenger train, had a leg broken; Ernest Du ral, baggage master, was hurt in the back and internally. W. R. Lamb, .a merchant of Hamlet, was badly bruised; John Newton, colored, of Hamlet, had a leg crushed; W. S. Rowe, express messenger, was badly But; Sam Wicks, colored, of Char lotte, was badly cut. Others receiv 2d minor injuries. The injured were taken to Raleigh for treatment. The engineer of the freight train' misread the orders. He thought, No. 33 was an hour and a half late, when it was No. 32 that was late. The trains were running at full speed and engines were practically demol ished. The baggage and express cars and first passenger coach of the pas senger train were splintered. WAR ON "BLACK HAND." Brutal Murder of Italian Detective Stirs New York Police-Other Cit ies Asked to Aid in the Extermina tion of the Criminals. New York, Special. - Relentless warfare will be waged against the "Black Hand" societies by the police of this, and it is hoped, other cities as a result of the murder of Lieutenant Joseph Petrosini,. the not ed detective of New York, in Paler mo, Friday night. For years Petro sini had been active in his work to bring to justice members of his own race who carried on blackmailing operations in this country through threats of murder made in the name of the "Black Hand." It is believ ed here that his murder was the re sult of a plot that had its incepion in the United States and that the* persons indirectly responsible ' for his death are still within the reach of the American police. If so, every ef fort will be made to bring"about their arrest and conviction, and with this end in view Inspector Mccafferty, head of the New York detective bu reau, sent telegrams Saturday to the authorities in the principal cities of the country asking that increased activity be exerted against all "Black Hand" suspects. Immediate orders were given to arrest at once all men in New York City who are believed to have connection with. "Black Hand" operations. Petrosini's murderer, who was a member of the "Black Hand," fired four shots from a revolver. Petro sini arrived in Sicily only a short time ago and was engaged in con ducting an investigation regarding Italian criminals. Inspector Mccafferty said Satur day that he was anxious to know whether Petrosini had been robbed after being shot. He intimated that Petrosini had some papers valuable to the police here in running down Black Hand and other Italian offend ers. A cablegram from Palerma (Italy) says: The assassination of Lieuten ant Petrosino has stirred the police to unprecedented activity. Many ar rests already have been made, includ ing a number of Italians with crimi nal records, lately returned from the United States. Great Floods in the South. A special from Montgomery, Ala., says the Alabama is 51 feet above normal and is slowly rising. It is expected to be 55 feet. No great casulties have yet occurred as fair warnings were given ard residents from the lower districts moved to the higher parts. The Coasa at Rome is 31 1-2 feet, and 29 feet at Gads den. The Tallapoosa is a raging tor rent. South Pines Chosen. Fitzgerald, Ga., Special.-The Blue and Gray Association at its annual encampment here Saturday selected Southern Pines, N. C., for the next reunion. The following officers were elected: Commander in chief, Major B. F. Dixon, North Carolina; senior vice commander, Capt. William M. McCormick, Georgia; junior yice commander, Capt. Joseph Price, Florida; chaplian in chief, Rev. W. S. Harden, Georgia; judge advocate general, O. S. Deming, WaiTen, 0.; quartermaster general, C..H. Worth, Texas. Gas From the Caddo Field. New Orleans, Special.-The ques tion of supplying natural gas to cities in Louisiana and neighboring States from the extensive fileds in Caddo parish, Louisiana, a distance of 300 miles from this city, has assumed concrete form in an application for franchise submitted to the city coun cil of New Orleans. Shreveport, La., and Texarkana, Ark., have both been getting their gas supply from that source for the past two years. ' No War in Central America. Managua, Nicarauga, By Cable. The report that there has been an outbreak of hostilities between Nica-, rauga and Salvador were cabled here from the United States. They are absolutely without foundation. Peace reigns in Salvador as well as in Nica ragua. Men throroughly familiar with conditions in Central America do not believe (here will be any out break of hostilities between Nicara gua and Salvador so long as Ameri can warships stay on the coast. 'THE iW$ IN BRIEF Items of interest Gathered By Wire and Cable GLEANINGS FROM DAY TO DAY ---j Live Items Covering Events of More or Less Interest at Home and Abroad, By an act of Congress on Feb. 1st the windows of President Harrison and President Cleveland may use the mails free of postage for the balance of their lives if their autographs be placed on the letters. The annex for the demented at the county home of Rockingham, N. C., was burned on Tuesday and two aged inmates were burned' to death. The State of Washington has local aption." Every incorporated town and every country district is a unit. When MT. Fairbanks was Vice president he had an elaborate ink stand made for his desk. On hearing complaints of extravagance he sent in his check fbi $200, which covered the cost and took it with him when he re tired. The federal grand jury in New York found a true bili for slander against the New York World in. the Panama affair. South Carolina makes it bad on the man that drums for liquor orders. Diplomatic relations with Nicara gua were practically broken off Fri day- by the State Department, which ordered Secretary of Legation Greg ory at Managua to return home, leaving the legation in charge of the eonsul, who will have no diplomatic capacity. Six persons were hanged in Louis iana for murder and one for criminal assault March 5 th. Maj. Hale, editor of the Fayette fille Observer, presented to thc N. C. Supreme Court last week an oil paint ing of Jno. De Rosett Toomer, who made the speech of welcome to Gen. LeFayette when he visited Fayette ville. Editor Hale also published the speech and the General's response. At this writing Gen. Butler of South Carolina, and Hon. Cyrus B. Watson of North Carolina, seem to be in the power of fatal sickness. Preparations are being pushed for the 12th conference for education in the South to be held in Atlanta, Ga., Dn April 14, 15 and 16. Telegrams received from Carinthia, Austria, report that a series of devas tating avealanches have occurred there arid that numbers of houses have been swept away. It is already known that ten deaths have resulted. Hirschel Hogg, a confessed member of the band of night-riders who mur dered Captain Quenten Rankin at Walnut Log in October, escaped from jail at Dresden Sunday nig?t. It is said that there are ? 32,000 cases of land frauds for the Attorney General to see to as soon as practi cable. Mrs. Ruth Bryan Leavitt has won her divorce suit and is now free from her husband. Miss Jennie Reed and Joseph Muel ler were strolling in Baltimore a few nights ago when she was shot and kill ed. Mueller raised the cry that a highwayman had held him up and gotten his valuables and on approach ing her received a slap, in the face, whereupon the robber shot her. Muel ler now says he himself shot her ac cidentallj*. Bib Springs, Texas, . had a fire Wednesday that destroyed a number of business blocks entailing a loss of $100,000. Lewis Nixon, the shipbuilder, pre dicts a great future for aeroplanes and airships. Michael Donnelly, judge of Third District, Ohio Circuit Court, is charg ed with imbezzlement of funds be longing to the Ohio German Insur ance Co. to the extent of probably $300,000. The company has failed. A tornado struck Brinkley, Ark., last Sunday night and killed 35 per sons, demolishing most* of the houses and leaving few fit for habitation. Charles M. Schwab said the Bethle hem Steel Company would not reduce wages. The Standard Oil Company won its suit that releived it from paying the $29,240,000 fine imposed, by Judge Landis. The United States District Court at Kanses City declared the 2-cent rail road rate in Missouri confiscatory and illegal. Dr. W. D. Crum has resigned as collector of the port at Charleston and it is understood that Mr. Edwin W. Durant will become his successor. The technical high school of Mu nich has conferred the honorary de arree of doctor of technical sciences on Wilbur and Orville Wright, the Am erican aeroplanists. Washington Notes. A petition widely signed is being handled by former U. S. Senator C. W. Hinds, of Mississippi, 'to be pre sented to Congress to pension old people. President Taft is so pleased with his caddiy that he is sending the youth to the University of Virginia, allowing him $2 a day for expenses. , It is stated with some degree of authority that President Taft will visit the Southern States next fall. Willis L. Moore, chief of the U. S. Weather Bureau, has called on Presi dent Taft and by way of apology for the mistake in the predictions for inauguration weather gave all sorts of proof that no such ..highs" and "lows" ever produced such a storm. Secretary Meyer has revoked the order of President Roosevelt to abol ish the navy yards at Pensacola, Fla., and New Orleans. The Senate adopted the new Penal Code, striking out the "Reconstruc tion" sections that were objection able to Southerners. -Cartoon by C. Mrs. Taft to Make W Plans Divorcement of the Presid Private Residence-- Un ?form ci V Replaces Steward and Negri Washington, D. C.-Mrs. William Howard Taft, "first lady of the land," has assumed duties without public ceremony or oath of office which, in weight of responsibilities, magnitude of importance, delicacy of execution and lack of compesiatlon, have no comparison. President Taft ls charged under his oath with "executing the office of President." Mrs. Taft is charged, without oath, of administering the social and domestic affairs of the White House. Mrs. Taft will execute these requirements primarily by means of ?er long experience in pub lic Ufo. She is in full possession of the detailed requirements of her po sition, has reached her own conclu sions, and is already making the mi nor changes in the administration ,of the executive mansion necessary to meet her own ideas. The addition of the executive office building permits of an entire divorce ment of the official business of the President from the White House pro per, and this is to be availed of to the full extent. That the main en trance of the White House may pre sent as near as possible the appear ance of*a private residence, the uni formed police officers and frock-coat ed doorkeepers have been eliminated, and in their place are negro footmen in livery. For safety an officer ls re tained on duty in the miniature office room inside the main entrance, and another on the second floor' of the mansion. \ The rights of the public are recog nized by the maintenance of the hour from noon until 1 o'clock, when ad mission is granted through the east entrance to the historic East Room and the parlors oi the mansion. Mrs. Taft ha? abolished the pos I-1 tlon of steward, and will conduct her domestic arrangements through a woman housekeeper. While the season of prescribed of- I Acial dinners is over, it may be pre dicted that the new tenant of ?the White House will conduct a series pf informal social functions during the special session of Congress which will bring renewed animation and social life to the sedate and sombre struc ture during the first few months of the Taft regime. President Taft surprised church goers by walking democratically to services at All Souls' Church. He was accompanied by his brother, Charles P. Taft. The crowd of cu rious that had tmthored at the edifico to see the new President were expect ing him to arrive.in an automobile, and the President and party were at the doors ot the church before the expectant throng realized that the Chief Executive had walked through tho crowd without being recognized. There was no demonstration Along the street or at the church. Whon the services were over tho President elbowed his way through the crowd ?DECEIT ALL RIGHT T< Chicago.-"Feminine deceit is all right. Love piracy is all right. Keep your husband loving you by any hook or crook. But for heaven's sake don't go to bed with a quarter of an inch of cold cream on your face to tip him off on how you Veep beautiful." These pregnant thoughts were vouchsafed 300 of Chicago's wives and mothers at the Music Hall, Fine Arte Building, by Mme. Hatton, mat rimonial philosopheress to the Windy City's Smart Set. "I don't care what method n wom an, uses to make her husband think she's prettier than time has let her be. If she succeeds in that and holds him true to her, cosmetics are the real agent of morality. But scores of married women I know of deserve to lose their husbands. They think so much of him that they leave their toi Football and Baseball Give Har vard a Surplus of $26,091. Cambridge, Mass. - A surplus of 126,091.10 in receipts over expendi tures in all lines of Harvard athletics is shown by the report for the college year 1907-08. The total receipts were $127,31 8.44 and the total ex penditures $101.227.34. The total not surplus exceeds by $14,450 the surplus of the previous year, the gaiu being due in part to increased re ceipts from football and baseball aud in part also to a saving on football coaching and the training table. Thc Field of Sports. Yale defeated Princeton by the score of 35 to 18 in the annual dual swimming meet. Tommy Ryan, the fighter, says he would like to train Jeffries for.a bout . with Jack Johnson. Jay Gould and Joshua Crane were defeated in an exhibition court tennis match at Cambridge by Tom' Pettit and Alfred White. "I do not agree with the idea that the lnriuence of summer baseball ls bad for university men." says Dr. Hutchins. University of Wisconsin physical dirp"f E. Macauley, in the New York World. hite House a Home en t's Official Business From His i Police Gone--Houc :keepc? 3 Footmen Are Doorkeepers. ^ that had again gathered at the doors and on the sidewalk to see him emerge, and with his brother saun tered quietly up Fourteenth street. For some distance a hundred or so of his admirers followed, but they event ually dropped off one by one. President Roosevelt always caught the crowds on Ws way to and fronr church. His raprd gait, and the diffi culty the Secret Service men had to keep pace with him always served to attract/ the attention of passers-by. Mr. Taft declined to walk too rapidly, observed all the conventionalities and altogether wa3 a disappointment. It was noticed that the two Secret Service agents who kept close to tho , President wore the conventional frock i coat and silk hat which is the distinc I tive garb of the service operatives. ! President Roosevelt never insisted upon this, and as a result the men who watched over him arrayed them selves as they saw fit. The change is taken to mean that President Taft proposes to maintain a more dignified establishment than his free-and-easy predecessor. After Sunday luncheon the Presi dent bestrode Sterret. his newly ac quired horse, purchased at Hot Springs, Va., and with General Clar ence R. Edwards, his military aid; Captain Archibald Butt and ex-Presi dent Roosevelt's orderly, McDermott, went for a twelve-mile ride over the newly constructed Potomac speedway. Automobiles will be almost the ex clusive method of locomotion of Pres ident Taft and his family. The White House automobile v. ill have the right of way throughout the Dis trict of Columbia and will know no speed limit. Two fine new automobiles already have been purchased with the $12, 000 appropriated by Congress for this purpose, and Mr. Taft has given them a thorough trial. One is a good weather machine, a big touring car with detachable top, and painted in dark green of three shades. This will he the one most used by the Presi dent. , The other car has a limousine body painted black, and waa pur chased for the use of Mrs. Taft. Both bear on each door the official coat of arms of the United States. The cars, are in charge of men sent from the factories, who will turn the machines over to the White House head chauffeur, who will receive $100 a month. He will have one assistant. The?White House garage will be in t.hp present stables. Besides the two automobiles they will quarter seven horses, which will be at the disposal of Secretary Carpenter and his assist ants, or may be used by the Tafts. The only horses which will be used by President Taft and his family will be the new saddle horse recently pur chased in Virginia for the use of the President and any saddle horses re quired by the other members of his family. 0 HOLD A HUSBAND." let articles lying in full sight about the house, confess they go to massage artists, throw rats carelessly about and even admit to strenuous gymnas tics to keep down weight and give ar tificial lustre to sinking eyes. ."Women ought to keep their hus bands guessing all the time-just as the coy girl of romance plays hide and seek with the grande passion, un til she has her sweetheart groveling and trembling lest the 'Yus' she has secretly meant to say fron the start won't be said at all. "Here's the secret of keeping a husband. Stay beautiful and don't let the male half know the reason. Also, don't eat too much. Given tho aid of modern corsets and lacings, the American wife is indefensible if her husband deserts her because she has grown fat." * Se*;ks Gold Fifty Yen rs; Finally Gets Sil.OOO.OOO. San Bernardino, Cal.-Harry Par sons, a desert miner, aged seventy five years, left San Bernardino for Philadelphia to visit relatives whom he has not s^en for fifty years. Ho goes back with a fortune estimated at SI.OOO,000. which he will share with his relatives. One of these ls a sister, who. when he failed to find gold ID California in 1S49. gave him all she had, a little more than $500, to con tinue 14"? prospecting. He amassed his fortune within the last four years Foreijrn News Xotes. President Gomez of Cuba signed the general amnesty bill. The Budapest news telephone sys tem of several years' standing io a success. The service costs unly ?7.31 a year. lt was rumored In St. Petersburg that the:e had been a conflict between Russian and Chinese troops near Harbin. Commonwealth of Australia im ports in li)0S amounted to S-4G.415, 000. a decrease of $10,170.000. Ex ports totaled a value of ?332,195, ooo. ) ABOUT MONEY. By M. G. SAPHIR. The world is divided into two kinds of human things-those that have money and those that have none. But the latter are not human beings at all-they are either devils, viz., poor devils; or angels, viz., angels of patience and renunciation. Without money, without teeth and. without a wife we come into this world, and without money, without teeth and without a wife we go out of this world. What, then, have we accomplished in the world? We have made money, cut teeth and taken unto ourselves wives! A glorious destiny! (There are fevers, pains, convulsions and sufferings of all kinds attendant upon the getting of teeth and wives, and when one has; them they hurt the whole year round, and often the best one can do is to have them extracted. Teeth and wives come to you without your do iag, and unless most carefully treat ed they are liable to decay. But money does not come without your doing, and often a man leaves this world without having had money. It would be interesting to, hear .the reply of such a person when asked on the other side, "What did you do? in the world?" Who ha' money? The rich people I That is a misfortune! If the poor people mly had money then we should see what poor . devils these rich fellows are! It is no art to be rich when one has much money, and it is no merit to be poor when one has none. What is money? Money is a good ly lump which the Lord God attaches to insignificant people, so as not to lose sight of them in His creation as a good housekeeper puts a big label on a little key. What is money? Money is a figure which gains in importance as there is a cipher attached to lt. What is mouey? Money is a metal heel vader the boots of little people to make, them appear as tall as oth ers. What is money? Money is an in demnity which God gives to a certain number of persons on condition that they will not make bold to acquire any such goods as Intellect or Genius. What is money? Money is the ac cent grave upon a letter which would else be silent. What is money? Money is the mysterious essence of a being which defines its ego in the following words: "If I were not what I have, I should not have what I am." But what is no money? No money?, No money? No money#is a thing, of which all empty pockets are full. No money is the alibi of a being which should testify to our presence? in this world. No money is a disease aggravated by the continuous obstruction of For tune. ' No money is a gentle invitaci?n ot nature to incur debts, and a perempt ory command not to pay them. No money is an irresistible incllna IIon td melancholy on the part of bur purse caused by hopeless leve to an unattainable object. No money is an exposition of no money at all, a proposition in ab stract philosophy, a flt position for a minister of finance, and a happy dis position for platonic love. No money is a vulgar ballad which, common people sing aloud on the streets, but the morp refined only hum between their lips within doors. No money is the watchword of ex treme radicalism and the art of mak ing oneself popular at a low price. Alas, what is man without money? A twicetold anecdote, a song without a ?.une, a lost poodle dog without an honest finder, last year's calendar, etc., etc. Without money no prince can reign, no minister can minister, no general can make war, no painter can paint? no farmer can till the field; only the bards and poets can sing and make, verses without money; the poet is true to his muse, even though he has no money; indeed he muses mor? than ever-how to get some. Misplaced Confidence. *I' reckon you have to watch your pocketbook an' overcoat an' watch an* so on, prettyclose,don'tyou?"a West ern visitor to New York asked a friend, a native of that metropolis, as thej; were starting out to view the city? and, despite the citizen's assurance that no more than ordinary vigilance was required, the Westerner proceed ed "to keep his eye skinned," much tb his friend's amusement. Presently they entered ?. cafe for luncheon. The New Yorker was dis coursing gayly upon the greatness ot his native city, when he observed that the other had au expression on his face much like that of a cat at. a mouse hole. " What are you watching so close ly?" he inquired. "Just keepin' an eye on my over coat,'' the other replied. The New Yorker laughed. '"Oh, the coat's all right. I'm not worrying about mine, you see, and they are hanging together." "No, they ain't," the Westerner drawled. "Mine's still there, but yours is gone-teller walked out with it 'bout ten minutes or so ago." Harper's Weekly. Old Pharaoh's Land Succumbs. Even Egypt has bad to come to it, and now ?here is at least one woman barrister in the laud of the pharaohs, Mrs. Nathalie Michel. She has passed all the examinations with honors and for months pase made application to che Egyptian tribunals for leave to plead, and at last the mixed Court of Appeals has granted her permis sion. She is an Armenian by birth, daughter of a well known barrister of Tiflis. She based her thesis, "Pro Domo," on the Roma i and Egyptian law, which she proved gave her right to plead. Thc Humorist. Sasserach Humorisc (amusing him self at che expense of Highland Caddie)-"Hoots, ye ken, ma wee bit laddie, yon was nae so muckle bad a' shot the" noo. What think ye?" The Bit Laddie-"Eh! Ah'm thinken ye'll learn Scotch quicker'a j ?'ll cever iearn gout!"-Punc?. ^