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THE NATIONAL BANK OF AUGUSTA L. C. HAYNK, Preat 7. Q.PORD, Ca*Mer. Capita!, ?250,000. j vnmiaei: rroflts4; $4-25,000 J Facilities of oar magnificent New Vanlt I (containing 410 Safety-Lock Boxea. Differ-1 [on: Sties are offered "to oar patrons andi I tho public at $3.00 to.SlO.OOjjer annum. J VOL. LXVII: LU THE PLANTERS LOAN AND SAVINGS BANK, . AUt?USTAj GA, Fays Interest OD Deposits. Accounts Solicited. L. C. Hajuc, President, Chas, C. Howard, Cashier. EDGEFIELD. S. C.. WEDNESDAY. DECEMBER 10. 1902. NO. 50. 3 The Miners of j ?7 By S. . V y V W ^ W W'w jim O'Connell and I were mates off and\an for years. Thus- it-was that w?" were_ gold-miners jtogether at Bendigo, tried silver-mining at Broken Hill, :and at a later jdate* worked, side. by . side in the tin mines at Mount Zeehan, in Tasmania, besides conduct ing several prospecting trips on our ?Connell was a man for whom I aaa ? wholesome respect. He was a quiet, reserved/ ' good-natured fellow, 'who never drank too much, and who hated nothing.in this won- more than a row. He was-a man of immense physical Etrength, an expert boxer, and a mag nificent sw immer. His placid demean or, hid an indomitable spirit, and . I wduld *as soon have fought a steam roller as Jim O'Connell; the one would have been as uncompromising as the other^ '> * it was jyx one of our ^prospecting j trips thae..Jim told me the particulars of" his *?!rB^g^-exper??nce Jon -Copper island, a brief hint of which I had al ready obtained from a police court par agraph some time before in the Bris bane Courier. It seems that Jim was in Sydney, out; of w,ork, jMen^hB djpwl oho day an advertisement tn ttte- Syd/fey* Morning ?erald asking for a half-dozen miners .fO proceed to Copper island-an un inhabited island lying between Bris )&ilTTiWTretrgTgday~wte^ ' pro^pS?TToT oopTWrT^O'Coinwrhtai me diately made application to the adver tiser, one Captain D ? --, a .mining ex pert D- had control of the busi ness on behalf of a well-known Sydney firm of shipowners, who held a coiir cession . for mining oft the island. O'Connell being a.practical miner of wide experience, was made the "boss" of the gang, and five other men having been engaged and contracts signed for Bix months, the little party were ta ken by Captain D- to the scene of their operations in a schooner char tered, for the purpose. Having duly landed the men on the island, whose sole inhabitants they were to t^e; D-left them, promising to return at the beginning of each month with, rations, etc. For a time ali went well. The men were amply provisioned, and, besides, there was some feathered game to be shot, fish to be caught, and a fair supply of eggs of various kinds. The raen soon settled down trf work in earnest, meeting with consMerajble success in their search for ..copper^,Buit. the month.,expired.. and, contrary to their expectations, Captain D--'aschooner came not. There was still plenty, ^f food on the island, how ever, ?nd the men kept at their work ^ end were not at first uneasy. But when I - ~~ n jgtOutH?iirjum Elapsed ana smi-hrenrj was no.. sign of the schooner-they be gan to-get seriously alarmed; The stores became exhausted, and soon after a .far greater evil befell. Hitherto; a plentiful supply of water had been obtainable, at a spot where the islanders fondly imagined a spring existed) bnt no rain had fallen since their landing, and the basin becoming empty, it was seen that there had been merely .a surface supply, and now not a single drop was to be found on the whole island! In this awkward difficulty O'Con nell's resourcefulness soon showed it self. Everybody naturally looked to him; even had he not been their "boss" it would have been, just; the same. Digging for-water proved barren of re sult,, and, as thera was evidently no water on the island, O'Connell deter mined to look elsewhere tor it. About a mile to the westward- lay another small island, and thither O'Connell de termined to make his way. He sug gested that one of his mates should ac . company him, arid that they should take an empty cask in tow and bring ' back a oupply of water if any were . found. Four of the men acknowledged themselves to be swimmers, but not one volunteered . for the mile swim through the shark-infested sea. As it; was more than one man's work, however,, to tow a laden cask, in the event of. success, lots were ultimately cast, and a man called Gange set forth - with O'Connell. The two reached the island without any misadventure, were fortunate to find an ample supply of water, and brought backtheirwellfilled cask in safety. They had, but one cask, aLd, as it held only a scanty supply for one week, it became necessary to make periodical visits to the other' island! Tt was, of course, impossible for them to take "ip their residence there. Not only waa one of their number a non swimmer, but tney had no means of transferring their firearms and ammu nition-upon which they now largely depended for subsistence-their tent, cooking utensils, tools, etc. Every F-aturday, therefore, a visit was paid to "Water island," as it came to be known, and each timethe voyage was made lots were cast for who should accompany O'Connell-for the brave "boss" always insisted upon personally conducting the expedition. There are probably as many sharks in these wa ters as anywhere r a the face of the globe, and the first few trips were . made in fear and trembling. But as time went on and no mischance oc curred the men gained confidence, al though the sight of the; triangular fin occasionally ' set their hearts beating uneasily. It ls probable that the pres ence of the cask disconcerted the sharks, but certain it is that they did not venture to molest the- swimmers. The miners soon settled down to a dull routine of starvation rations, the monotony of tbeir life only broken by the weekly trip to Water island. Would the schooner never come? A flagpole was r'^gedjjp in the hope of communi cating with some passing ship, but, although a" sail was sometimes seen ' ' on the horizon no vessel ever came near enough to see their signals. In /r,the- meantime, a little work-was-done more with a view to passing the* time than ont of regard for the interests of the emplqyers who "had apparently po cruelly Abandoned them -on this unin habited and seldom visited isle. Four months thus dragged wearily away, uie men maintaining themselves as best they could by shooting birds . and collecting eggs and shell-fish. ' One Saturday evening O'Connell and popper Island. [ J. REA. fr a man named Peters, li?ving been "fos sicking^ ?tont- the -sb-ores; of "Water island" iii ouest of shell-fish, delayed "their depart?re"fbr the" larger island till a. much later, hour than usual. When .abouthalf-way between the two islands they encountered the full force of the outgoing tide, and found their progress witn the toll water-cask, to which they were harnessed by ropes, rendered; ex tremely difficult. After half an hour's struggle, during which very little way was gained, Peters announced his in tention of cutting himself adrift. O'Connell besought his mate to hold jn until the tide turned! but Peters, drawing bis knife, severed the rope which attached him to the cask. Short ly" afterwards he disappeared in the direction of Copper island. O'Connell, left to himself, struggled wildly for a time to hold his own, but tho buoyant cask was towing him out to .sea at an ever?iricreasing rate of jspeed, and at last he was reluctantly obliged to release himself. By this time, however, he was an alarming distance from the shore, and he saw that his only chance was in remain it^ afloat until the tide turned, when he might hope, by its aid, to reach the land. The night was clear and a bril liant moon was shining. Suddenly, to his horror, an ominous triangular fin broke the surface of the water not three fathoms' length from where he swam.- Another and yet another ap peared, -and the unhappy 'man pres ently discovered that he was in the midst of a school of sharks! Utterly exhausted-as--he was, his position was a terrible one. In descri uing-'his feel ings to tne. he said that he should not have believed it possible that any combination of circumstances could have reduced him to such a state of ab ject fear a? that on which he now found himself. 'Already he seemed to feel the cruel teeth rendering his na ked flesh, and he snuddered-with utter terror. The scene was as light as day, and the sharks were plainly visible as they circled round him. He saw one monster'suddenly change his direction and make straight for him. But O'Con nell was like ? fiesh in tho water, and drawing the sheathe- knife from the belt round his naked waist iie. ~irew his arms above his head anrLsank like a stone. As he rose again some sec .onds later he found -himself directly beneathhe shark, and thrust his knife up to the hilt in the monster's stomach. The wounded shark ?t once made off, arid some other prey possibly" present ing itself, the others followed its ex ample, to O'Connell's great relief. By this.time the tide was on the turn, and after- a longhand exhausting R-W?sn; OT?n?nolL*-cha iron san?. n:.n;irY . landed on Copper island shortly.-after daylight, having" been eight hours in the water. His companions had, of course, given him up for lost, as ac cording to the account of Peters, who "had gained the shor? in safety, he was, when last seen, drifting rapidly out t~i sea. O'Connell proceeded to the ten: and pulling aside the flap, looked in at the sleeping men. Peters was slum bering as sweetly as though he had not a few hours before abandoned his mate O'Connell picked up a p:oce of turf and threw it lightly on the sleeper's face. Peters sat up, and seeing the "boss" si anding there, dripping wet, though' he looked upon a ghost, and with a cry .of terror fell back in a dead faint, his previous night's adventure having left him in a weak state. The little colony was now in a very bad way, being without water save for a little which had been reserved in a kerosene tin. This lasted till the evening of the next day, and then, when O'Connell was seriously contem plating a return to "Water islana"' with the kerosene tin; rain happily fell, and all hands were at once engaged In the important work of collecting it. The tent was pulled down and con verted into a canvas cistern, and ev ery available vessel was filled. Two days later great excitement wad occasioned in the little community, so strangely marooned on this inhospita ble islet, by the appearance of a sa.i to the southward, evidently bearing in the direction of the island. The anxious miners gathered upon tho beach and breathlessly watched the Hearing crrft. They soon discovered that it was none other tuan D-'s ov erdue schooner. Presently a boat was lowered, and D- himself, with a crew of three men, was seen approach ing the Island. The miners met him with a storm of inquiries as to tb c." lay, but I)- apparently had no ex planation to make-at any rate, he of fered none. He listened to the story of their pri vations and the dangers they had passed through with the most insulting indifference. "You look, all right, any how," was all the comment he offered, and immediately went on to make in quiries as to the success of their min ing operations. The boat was laden with provisions, and presently he gave orders to have these landed. "Stop a minute," said O'Connell, who had hitherto spoken. "Do you think for a moment that after the way we have been treated we are going to re main here at your mercy again?" "You will stay here," was the brutal rr;ply, "until your contract has ex pired." "That I certainly shall not," said O'Connell, and, going back to the camp, he brought his "swag." "I am going ba:-k io Sydney, or at any rate to Brisbane, in that schooner," said he; "the other men can do as they like." Upon this D-, who had evidently been drinking, called a huge negro, who was one of the boat's crew, and oidered bim to prevent O'Connell from entering her. The black sprang ashore, ? and, as O'Connell threw his bundle on board, laid hold of him. But the blood of the mining, "boss" was now fairly up, and big as the negro was he never had a look in during the scrimmage which ensued. 'O'Connell gave him the worst five minutes he had ever had in his life, and -ultimately left him lying unconscious in the sand. Then the vic torious O'Connell rushed for the boat, to which D- had already returned. The latter, drawing a revolver, fired point-blank at O'Connell's face. But his hand shook with rage and excite meat, and the bullet fortunately passed through thc flap of the rainer's slouch hat. Before he could fire again O'Connell grasped him by the throat and battered his head against ':he after thwart, while the boat's crew vasily endeavored to drag him off. When D-recovered consciousness he was surly, but subdued. Finding that O'Connell was absolutely deter mined to board the schooner, he sulki ly gave way, but he talked the othei men into remaining on the island. Upon the arrival of the schooner at Brisbane, O'Connell was given into custody on a charge of assaulting Cap tain D-and threatening to take his lite. Legal proceedings for breach of contract was also mentioned, but thc production of the bullet-perforated nat and the evidence of a friendly witness who bad been one of the boat's crew put a very different complexion on-the matter, ind O'Connen was discharged. He got no further satisfaction. It transpired, however, that D-V long continued absence from the is land.-of which his employers wcro en tirely ignorant, and which cam? so very near having disastrous results was due to his detention in tho receiv ing-house of a lunatic asylum during the continuance of a prolonged attack ol delirium tremens!-Thc Wide World Magazine. CUAINT AN") CUR;0'JS. If all thc land planted in corn in tho United States this year were massed, the area would exceed the British Isles, Holland .. and Belgium combin ed, or four-fifths of thc area ot France or Germany. The remarkable zebra hybrid from South Africa, lately acquired by the British Zoological Society, is a pony bred from a cross between a zebra and a pony. It resembles a small pony, i Its : body is brown, and thc striping is peculiar, the marks on the body being nearly vertical, while those on the limbs aro horizontal to the hocks, below which the color is black. -. Every head of clover consists of .about 60 flower tubes, each of which contains an infinitesimal quan tity of sugar. Bees will often visit a hundred different heads of clover before retiring to tho hive, and in order to obtain tie sugar necessary for a load must therefore thrust their tongues into about C000 different flow ers in the course of a single day's work. Careful tending and nurturing on the part of the beekeeper has re sulted in increasing the bee's tongue one-hundred of an inch. The natur al length is about one-twentieth of an .inch, but clever keepers, by hav ing/ only bees with unusually long the added lengtn, which enables them to extract more honey from tho flowers in a given time than their short-tongued relatives. What is described as an "ancient draught board" has been discovered in Crete. It must by all accounts be a fine piece of work, since it is com posed of natural crystal, ivory, gold und silver, but it is by no means uni que. Chess, draughts, or tho games from which both are derived, was known to nearly all the ancient civ ilizations, and Greek and Egyptian boards are by no means uncommon. Our correspondent at Muang Bu ..eeram, says the Siam Observer, writes that he had been to one of the eastern Lao provinces, and there he was astonished by seeing a curious plant, which is called by the natives ton kradote din ("the tree that jumps from the ground"). Thc plant, he says, is not very tall. It bears few leaves, but plenty of fruit. When the fruit drops from the stem thc tree jumps up from the into the air about three soks high (say about four feet). The fruit is about the size of a cherry. Since the opening of the shooting season the rabbits in the environs of Paris have developed a wonderful in telligence. Sportsmen shooting on the outskirts or tho city have been nonplussed at the scarcity of the bun nies, as. a short time ago they prom ised to be very plentiful. It has been brought to light, according to the New York Herald, that the Cem etery of Saint Ouen, on the northwest side of Paris, swarms with rabbits, which arc devouring every blade of grass and shrubs. Thc grave dig gers are likely to enjoy cheap meals for a long timo to come. Bunion's Rating In an Examination. A civil service academy journal re cently gave a model exercise. The subject for essay was "Mountains and their Beauty," and a wily but suspi cious reader copied out an essay in competition. He wrote it in the beau tiful, stiff, civil service hand with all the letters joined in the. middle; he punctuated it carefully and made it, in every sense, a creditable produc tion. He was awarded 41 percent for English. He was told that his English was rather stiff, and that his descrip tions were not lifelike, and were too "journalistic," whatever that may mean. Also his sentences were too long and his ideas lacking in original ity. It was a very sad reflection to think that it was an extract from Rus kin's "Modern Painters" on "Mountains and Mountain Beauly." Ono candidate got 97 percent, being twice as good as Ruskin apparently.-Live.-pool Post A Fclinolboy** Logic. Indifferent correspondents will sym pathize with tho lad, who, after bc had been at a boarding-school for a week without writing to his parents, penned the following letter: "Dear people-I am afraid I shall not bo able to write often to you, because you seo when anything is happer ?ag I haven't, time to wrUe. and when nothing is happening there's nothing to write about. So now, good-bye, from your Georgie."-Liverpool Post. It takes two people to make a quarrel; but a dozen or more gener ally take a hand in it before it is Batched un. TKACKING CKIMINALS. fHE SEARCH FOR COINERS IS THE MOST REMAPS-.LESS. Bemnrkable Chane ?fiar A Murderer Who Fled 31,003 Mlle? Hut Wa* nt Last Kan Down-lb? Stern ( l.?iso After Sorsonnt Loy j- Burrell. There have been many long pursuits of criminals, great in thc distance [ ; ; traveled, the obstacles overcome and * the persistence o? pursuing officers, but that of Sergeant Wcod of the Na tal, South Africa, police, is: doubtless a record breaker. The man sought by Sergeant Wood was chared with em bezzling large sums of money at Pie termaritzburg. He got away from South ?frica; and went to New York. Although the detective had information as to where his quarry was hiding, yet he had first to visit London to obtain the necessary extradition pa pers. Then he hurried to America, and with the assistance of the United States police, ran down his man. ~>y the time be had reached Martizburg, he had been traveling hard for nearly three months, and had covered nearly 21.000 miles. One of the sternest chases o* recent years was after Loys Darrell, formerly sergeant in the Seventh United States cavalry. Darrell enlisted at the begin ning of the Spanish-American war, and distinguished himself in Cuba. There he fell in love with a pretty Spanish girl and beggared himself in buying finery for his sweetheart. To obtain more money he robbed and murdered a companion in arms named Crouch. He then fled. A detective named Dupuy was put upon the murderer's track, and finding a clew, utarted for New Orleans. He was right in his surmise that Darrell had gone there, but when he arrived the bird had flown. He had left on a British, mule'transport for South Af rica. Dupuy took train for New York, fast boat tor Southampton, rushed by rail across Europe, caught a boat of j the German-East African line, and finally arrived at Beira, in Portuguese East Africa. There he waited, like a spider for a fly, and just as Darrell was fancying himself safe from pursuit, he pounced upon him. Later on the detective de posited the prisoner safely in Castle William jail in New York. He had traveled in all 31,000 miles and spent ,, $4257 in the chase. One of rhe most astonishing crimi nals England ever produced was a man named Benson, who began operations in London, with two confederates. He organized a series of swindling com panies in the city, while he, himself, pretending to be an invalid, lived in the greatest luxury in the Isle of Wight. He posed as a great philan thropist, was foremost in charitable , works, and went into the very best sor. Cl?j-V_ Ttir flint jif hrihjrt>.rAlAm'-0^" cers of the law, he lived for some years on the proceeds of his swindles. But one day the crash came. He was arrested, sentenced and got a long term in Portsmouth jail. No sooner was he out than he was at his old tricks again. These culminated in Switzerland, where he managed to gain the affections of the daughter of an English officer. Through her he induced her father to trust him with the investment of his entire capital, some $35,000. He bolted with the money. Chased across Europe, a de tective caught him at Bremen. To avoid scandal the victim promised not to prosecute if Benson would give up the money. The latter did so and left for America. Hardly was thc vessel out of sight before it was discovered that the bundle of scrip the thief had handed over was worth at most $100. Followed across the Atlantic, Benson escaped to Mexico, where he made $25, 000 by gassing himself off as Mme Patti's agent and selling forged concert tickets. By this time his photograph was In almost every police bureau in the world. Yet he dodged and twisted under a dczen aliases, and was heard of in almost every Soutn American state before a clever New York detec tive ran him down in Rio after a two years' hunt. Even then he cheated justice. Land ed in prison in New York he walked up stairs chatting amiably to his jailer. Suddenly he made a spring and jumpeu ci?an over the bannister. He was picked up with a broken back and died. The police never exhibit more re lentless energy than in hunting down a coiner. A coiner's crime is against government, and so the whole forces of the ?tate are against him. The United States suffers far more from coiners than England does and is pro portionately keen td run down such offenders. Early in 1900 a man named Hastings was surprised in his work shop, from which he had Issued many thousands of small silver coin, but he was too quick for his would-be cap tors and escaped. No fewer than seven secret service men were put on his track. The remarkable fact is that Hastings never attempted to leave the States. Ellfer, one of the detectives, got a hint that a stranger was in the woods. He took a blanket and some food and j hie himself in a thicket. Very early . in the morning Hastings passed, car I rying a bag of food. Ellfer tracked . him to his refuge and saw that the j forger was armed. He waited some dis ? tance away in hiding. When night I came Hastings came out with a dark ! lantern and searched every bush near ! his hiding place. At last he was sat i isfied and went back. So soon as Ell ! fer felt sure the man was asleep he ! crept up and had the handcuffs on him ! before he could wake. On the way to ! jail Hastings told his captor that he had seen bim on 10 different occasions and bad once, in Cincinnati, been with in three feel of him in a theatre.-oai cago Chronicle. An Kx'TU' loner Ix ??cn I erl. The official executioner of Tokio died recently. His death was curious in itself, and considering his professio", was lit!le short, of remarkable. 1' was croping a railroad track nea Tokio when he was run down by a fast express. The body was found h'v the track with the head as neatly t'> capitated as any which had been .. otr by the official executioner him?ell J Oiherwise there was not a mark on his i hody. PLATINUM VERY SCARCE. ?V?C?HICCI in K'.uctric.il Wiirli, Supply Does Not Morl i *w?ml. ?zlk good deal of concern has been ex cessed in the last year or so on the ?ct of platinum, and the source of iction to meet the growing de it is beyond doubt that the ?'fcp'piy ls not Increasing-if it is in -ereasing at all-at anything like thc same rate as the consumption; and if thia position is not rectified and the "balance readjusted it is easy to foresee a time when enterprises which depend uprm platinum will languish for want ot >.he material wiich it will bo im possible to secure in adequate quanti ties, .even at famine prices. Legislation in the relchstag of thc fatherland has a way of being grandfatherly at times, but in the circumstances there is much to be said for the bill which was under 'consideration not long ago with the object of obtaining a legal prohibition of^he use of platinum where it could be replaced without serious inconven ience by some other metal and to li .1 it its consumption lo cases where its employment is essential. Ij. is not easy to sec how such an en actment as this could be enforced sirjptly, but, in the abstract, the meas u rev was undoubtedly wisc; besides, the restricted use of platinum in one coun try, would go a very little way to reme dy a situation that is becoming acute in ail manufacturing countries. For tbe^metal is in great request in the ? manufacture of electrical npparr.lus I and for electrical engineering gen- j eraily, as well as for numerous other ' purposes lor which no effective sub- j stitute has been found. There is no 1 go?l reason to anticipate an actual ex haustion of supplies, but the fear ia ? that, mainly with the progress of clec- j trlcity, the gulf between demand and ' supply may become wider and wider, j Something like 95 percent of iast year's production of 13.800 pounds, as compared with 13,250 pounds for ?UU?, ' came from Russia; and while il is prob- j able that scientific exploitation of the whole of the Urals would lead to the discovery of other sources of supply, it is pretty clear that in the govern ment of Perm little enough progress is being made in spite of the profitable- ' ness of the industry. Perhaps the sparseness of the distribution accounts . largely lor tnTs. The metal is ob- ' tained from alluvi?l. deposits or up to four to five zolotniks (thc zolotnik is equi platinum-bearing sands, which frequently include gold, and which vary in occurrence up to four to five zo lotniks, the zolotnik is equal to OG grains Troy, and more in 100 poods of sand, 3610 pounds). The thickness of the beds ranges from three feet to seven feet. The grains of metal are small in size, but sometimes nuggets weighing a kilo- ' gram or more are unearthed. The j piatinum is often accompanied by j other rare metals, such as iridium and nr-feru?io^^t g SL Petersburg are refineries in that, crty^erjr4rf$SS v is dealt with there, and, as the demand for the metal is aimost entirely from abroad, thc bulk is exported as it is received from the mines. We have been toid to look to New South Wales as an important source of supply, and probably with scientific exploitation, the investment of a rea sonable amount of capital and the di- : version of miners from gold seeking '. that colony would bc of use in supply- 1 ing the world's requirements. The metal there is obtained ch icily from the Fifield district, about 322 miles west of Sydney, where it is found associated with gold. Here the principal work ings are ct Platina, a township situated about two miles from that of Fifield, ? a deep alluvial "lead," containing plat- j inum and gold, extending from near i the former place for over a mile in I length and varying from 60 feet to 150 feet in width.-Engineering. Denonnee AV onion Knteher*. That there is a growing tendency among many of the butchers of tho city to employ young women in their shops, and put them behind the coun ter at ihe block, where they are taught to do all the work of the journeyman butchers at a much smaller rate of wages, was the assertion trade by William C. Wellman, of Local Lodge, No. 181 of the Amalgamated Meat Cutters and Butcher Workmen. These young women, it is declared, are employed ar small wages and are ostensibly cashiers or bookkeepers, but in reality cut meat and do tho work of a journeyman butcher o:' meat cutter. At a mooting this sub ject was brought, up by the members of Local lodge, No. 1S4, and denounced. It is said lhat over a hundred such women butchers were employed in the city. Resolutions denouncing this, declaring for shorter hours, und ask ing the wives o? trades union men to purchase their meat before 6 o'clock on Saturday evening, were passed. New York Tribune. Bad Tnprd Kronoli Poller. A curious instance of the paralyzing effect of red tape in the French ad ministration has just come to light. In 1867 a Hollander named Stallcn berg was expelled because he cried "Vive la republique!" in the streets of Paris. After the fall of tho Em pire he returned, but the republican police arrested, imprisoned and ex pelled him anew. He then went to New Orleans and made a fortune. Since then he has returned 27 times to Paris, where each time he has been arrested, Imprisoned and expelled. He is now back for the 2Sth time, and is awaiting the action of the police. Paris Dispatch in New York Herald. / Qm-Mtlminb':. foil 1 .?rei?. Three little school children were seriously dis cussing thc social condi tions and positions 0! their respective parents and their ancestry, each one evidently determined to go one better than the other. "Mother says I am descended from Mary Oneon of Scots." triumphantly asserted lillie Eva. "So am ?. then." retorted Cousin Willie. "Don'; be silly. Willie." interpolated the third. "Why. you're a boy." New York Times. The cattle which drew the mahog any logs in thc foresis ci the [fthmus or Panama have to be ppnx.NcI with kercsci.e to destroy tho p"Xra*?itos which arc their deadly enemies. A NICHT MARE OF MONEY. Ch, it's dollnrs, dollnrs, dollars, ?Every way you turn. Dollar? for thu nient you eat, And for tba conl you burn. Dollar? for yof.r clothing, Dollnrs for your Led, Dollnrs for tho booka that put A thought Into your head. Ifn't any tel'Ing When thu thing will end Dollnrs for a cheery word, Dollars for n friend. Dollar? for u minuto Passed1 in inlk polite. It's dollars, dollar? all the day, And dollars all the night! -Washington Star. HUMOROUS. Wigg-Arc thc verses widely road? Wag:.-Yes; they're read by every magazine editor in thc country. Nell-They are going to be married at last. Beile-So everything is set tled, eh? Nell-Everything but bis bills, and her father will settle them. "Statistics prove," said thc. Wise Guy, "that poor people live longer than rich ones." "Naturally," replied the Simple Mug. "The doctors let the poer people alone." Ernie-Is he stingy with l?is kisses? Emily-Well, he likes to make them go a loiig way. Ernie Indeed! Emily-Yes, he kisses over thc telephone. "I wish you would do something for my husband," said the anxious wife. "He's worrying about money." "Don't bc alarmed," answered thc physician, reassuringly. "I'll relieve him of that." Stubb-That conceited young man boasts that his ancestors carried every thing before them. Penn-He means behind them. I understand they car ried peddlers' packs when they first came over. Mrs. Phamley-I see thc board of health reports show a falling off in the death-rate last week. Mr. Phamley Ah! that reminds me. I noticed in the society column that our doctor is out of town on his vacation. "Say," whispered the young brother, "didn't I hear sis say 'Kiss and I'll make up?'" "Yes," replied the- caller. "Well, she had it wrong. Sis always makes up before you come. I saw her with the paint and powder." She-He didn't succeed in convinc ing her after all his argument. He "No, he merely made her mad." "But his explanation was clear." "Yes; and that's where he made his mistake. He told her it was as 'plain as the nost on her face.' " "Papa," began the young hopeful, "where does the sea go?" "It doesn't gc anywhere, my son," responded irri tated papa. "Why do you ask .iuch foolish questions?" "Well, if it doesn't go anywhere, why do they say sailors 'follow tho sea?' " "How often does the earth have a revolution?" asked the teacher. "What part of the earth?" inquired the pupil. if you mean in South America they have em oftener." "John,'' whispered Mrs. Stubb, in the wee hours, "there is a burglar down stairs, and I want you to go down." "Well, I guess not," responded her hus band, turning over for another nap; "I'd have you know that I don't asso ciate with burglars." "She had a premonition that some thing was going to happen," said the observer, "and sure enough it did. There's a sense that's most highly de veloped in woman." "There is so," replied the married man, counting the few coins he had left out of his week's salary. "It's the sense of touch." Cuts Npoil a Sermon. Rev. Page Milburn's recent experi ence while delivering a sermon on the judgment day is being told among his fellow clergymen. lt was a peaceful summer night, warm enough to have all the windows open, but not sufficiently hot to cause a fluttering of fans. The reverend gentleman was preaching upon the last solemn moment t judgment day and presenting a graphic word picture of the majestic and triumphal coining of the judgment angel. Extending his arms, ne began impressively: "Hark! \Vhat is that sound that bursts upon my car?" The infuriated and appalling yowl of felines in mortal combat on a neighboring fence rent the air. There was a general titter from the younger folk in the congregation. Thinking to stem the current of amusement by the reproof, the clergy man continued in impressive tones: "Let not our minds bc diverted. I say again, what is that solemn sound that bursts upon my ears?" An ear splitting series of spittings and yowls came in instant rejoinder from the combatants upon the fence. It was ' too much for the speaker and audi ence. I "Will the congregation join in the closing hymn?" said the discomfited preacher. And with a speedy benedic tion the service came to an abrupt i conclusion.-Baltimore Sun. j - Borrie? Grown on Sunday. j Sousa, the~bandmaster, was recently . discussing at Atlantic City the ques j tion of Sunday obeservance with a man who recalled the experience of a local manager who had been fined for ! giving a vaudeville performance on the first day of the week. ; "Tales of that sort," replied Sousa, "always remind me of the little girl i who early on Monday morning carried j a basket of freshly picked raspberries j to the family minister. He expressed j his appreciation of the gift, but added I with a suggestion of doubt in his j voiice: I "I trust you didn t pick these on the Sabbath, my dear?" "Oh, no, sir," responded the child. "I picked them this morning, but they were growing all day yesterday." Brooklyn Eagle. Too E i?y. Ascum-What's your objection to Markie? as treasurer of our loan as sociation? Borroughs-He isn't sufficiently careful. Ho doesn't use any judgment at all. Why, he has loaned me a fiver manv a time.-Philadelphia Press. Don't run to meet trouble. 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