University of South Carolina Libraries
b EXPENSE OF GOVERNMENT. very interesting statistics in ! o the government's account with j 1 >le are published liy Edward At- j ? ason in the current issue of the Forum10 total amount of the normal cost of y e government proper of tho United 1 ates for the fiscal year ending June 30, J >9, was $146,478,144. These expenses in- j ided the entire cost of the civil service a d of the military establishment, includ- J g fortifications and river and harbor t lprovements, and of the navy, includ- c g appropriations for the construction of c iw vessels. This entire amount, how- ' r er, great though it is, is covered by the ^ ities which were paid on liquors and t bacco. The amount of this revenue was i 48,883,788. ? It will be seen, therefore, that wero it ? >t for the war and its accompanying h ain of burdens, the entire oxpenses of 3 ir government could be met by tho v xes on liquor and tobacco alone. " The tables indicate that since 1871 the n venue from this source has increased a ore in proportion than the increase of >pulation. vj The other items of expense and revenue r the year ending Juno 30,1889, will albe of interest. The expenses are: idian account $6,892,207 ^ terest on public debt .\. 41,001,484 i rrears of pensions settled.... x irrent of annual pensions... 66,182,429 *( Total ?135,518,469 k ie expense of government & before mentioned 146,478,144 ? The revenues are: o C om duties (other than li- 0 quors and tobacco).. 3204,851,854 t< lie of public lands, etc 22,170,538 v mdries, internal taxes 978,611 ? ominal profit on purchase j of silver bullion 10,165,264 I > this should be added reve- " noe on wines, spirits, beer, ? and tobacco 148,883,788 The entire expenso of government dung that year was 3281,996,615.60. The itirerevenueamounted to 3387,050,058.29, id the surplus was $105,053,442.69. ? 1QB VDBUgeg VI imiu ui wn uauuuai usu> y ;count to tho pension account is very in- e resting. ? 1 1871, tho interest on the v public debt was $125,576,505 n ha pensions 34,443,81)4 n l 1891, the Interest on the J? public debt was 36,099,284 v he pensions for fiscal year ending June 30, 1891 124,415,951 J? Bitten by a Kitten. s. Camjen, N.J., October 1.?Mrs. Geo. tl . Bigler, wife of a well-known organist, fl. ad former compositor on a Philadelphia p lorning paper, came near dying from F wkjaw, caused by tue one 01 a cat. oao i not yet entirely out of danger and has jj iffereid untold agony. Mrs. Bigler was playing with a small itten on August 12, and one of its tiny >eth was fastened in the forefinger of her gbt hand. As tho wound was but a nail one and healed very rapidly Mrs. w igler thought nothing about it, but went ai n with her household duties. b In about four weeks, however, symp- f< >ms of blood poisoning set in and Mrs. g iigler's finger and hand became swollen h na inflamed. She consulted Dr. T. G. C lobinson, and was at first unable to ac- b ount for the trouble. Then she happen- n d to think of the cat bite, and when she t) uggesed that as a cause, Dr. Robin- p olafmA^ onrl nvrlprArl \fra "Rifr uu nao aimuivu M??V? ?v. W. n ar home and began assidious efforts to si rrest the disease, which had already as- I timed a threatening aspect. n Mrs. Bigler's hand and arm swelled v apidly, in spite of the vigorous efforts of b er physician. The inflammation was c reat and the pain excruciating. She was b tnable to sleop, but lay tossing on her il >ed crying out in agony hour after hour. Twice the dread symptoms of lockjaw ppeared. There was a stiffening of the s [lands of the neck, a partial locking of the a aws and the sufferers friends were fear- r ul that death would ensue. Her physi- e dan stayed the progress of this malady ind the unfortunate woman's life was t laved. i, ? f Mr. Simpson Says Ihe Alliance Is t Steadily Increasing. ^ Topeka, Kan,, Oct. 2.?Jerry Simpson * lays that the Alliance vote among the far- s mers in Kansas is increasing, but slowly, v rinoe last year. The principal gains have v t>een in the cities and towns where the J citizens' alliance has been at work this year. He estimates the increase at 20 per c cent, over last year. c Speaking of the negroes in the south he A "xney are nocKing lo us iu mw ouuiu, j I believe that this movement is the solu- t tion of the race problem. It divides the 1 colored as well as the white vote of the t South. If it does nothing else it will do ( that much good at least. The old light i between the blacks and whites will be ( broken ; the blacks will take issue with < each other in politics the same as the ? whites. That's what they ought to do. i The lines are closer drawn in the south t than here. Everything divides on the sub-treasury scheme. It is oithor endors- < ed or opposed by every man in the south.' \ "How mauv members has the alliance ( in the United" States?" "In thirty eight States and territories j we have 4,000,000 members." , "And do you expect to have a national < ticket in '92. Who will head it?" ( "O, Lord, I don't know. Some farmer ] now unheard of may spring up and < 5rove himself the right man for the place, ust at present the only men in sight aro Weaver and Folk." Twelve Acres to the Mnle. Union, S. C., Oct. 3.?A meeting of the farmers of Fish Dam township was held last Saturday at Carlisle. A good number of farmers were present, both white and black. The object of the meeting was a general discussion of the "ten-acresin-cotton plan." The mooting was a good one and ftill of interest. J. G. Rice,, was elected chairman and a spirited discussion for and against the ton-acre plan ensued. It was very apparent that every one was in favor of decreasing the acreage in cotton and increasing that of grain. The only point of discussion was the number of acres that it would bo best to cultivate. Twelve acres was finally agreed on; every member pledging bimsolf not to plant over that amount, in cotton, to the plow, next year.?Correspondence Greenville News. ? A syndicate has oflerod to buy tho Washington monumeut for a shot tower. 1 (irover and the Baby. New York, October 3.?A daughter was )orn to Mrs. Grover Cleveland shortly ifter midnight. The mother and daugher are doing well. Tho important news did not become cnown down town until nearly noon. Chen it spread with the utmost rapidity, >oth in the city nnd to other parts of the ountry. During tho afternoon many lowers wore sent into Mrs. Cleveland ,nd both father and mother received learty congratulations. Then mossenger >oys began to move ujfc the avenue with elegraphie messages from all parts of the ountry. Ex-President Cleveland was vidently a pleased man when seen about he recont addition to his household. He eceived the press-representatives in the (rawing room, and anticipating the quesion that would he asked him, said : "Yes, t is true. My wife was safely delivered f a little girl this morning at six minutes iast midnight and both mother and child re doing splendidly. Mrs. Cleveland las rested quietly all day. Tho child is trong and healthy and at its birth weighed eight pounds." Tho ex-President is quoted as saying: I don't want to brag any, but this baby iow is a3 stout and as good as most babies re when they are three or four days Id.'lam Jones Snmnioned before a Grand Jury. A dispatch from Rome, Ga., September 9th, says: "Two subpoenas calling upon be Rev. Jones and Sam Small to appear iefore the grand jury now. in session for "loyd County were issued to-day or yes j j v? i rt|,o^n aruuy. uuu^o iuuuuua m uio uggested that any one who knew so auch as Sam Jones might impart his inowledge to the jury. The jury took lim at his word and the two Sams must ppear. That the source of Mr. Jones' information may not be wanting several f the leading members of the Methodist 'hurch from whom it is supposed the vangelist obtained it are also subpoenaed a appear. It will be a lively lime. Those fhose ways are dark and whose deeds are vil may well tremble at the prospect. If 11 the charges brought by Sam Jones uring his last stay in Itomo are true then 'loyd County must rent bouses for crimlals. Whether Sam Jones knows or uesses at what he says, is what the jury intends to find out." He Talked Too Mocb. A certain well-known physician of the outh side, says the St. Louis Republic, ras the victim of jiis own "prevlousness" oe other day. He Had successfully treatd a wealthy lady's daughter for diphiheia, and the lady was extremely grateful >r it. When the child was thoroughly rell mother and daughter appeared at the hysician's office. The little girl shyly anded the physician a neat little knit urse, while the lady went on to say, For having saved my child, doctor, I rant to present you with this purse." "But," said the physician, after an emarassing pause, "I have sent you a bill >r $300." The lady flushed, then said quietly, Let me have the purse, please." She took two $100 bills out of it and relrned it to him with the remark : "There re ?300 in there now, so your bill is aid," and left the room. Now the doctor is cursiug his clumsy >ngue for the bad break it made. That ttle speech cost him just $200. A Clemson for Alabama. Birmingham, Ala., October 1.?The rill of the Hon. Merit Street, a prominent ad wealthy citizen of Clay County, has een probated. In it he provides for mndingan industrial school for boys and iris, setting aside for that purpose tour undred and twenty acres or land in Clay ounty, with money to erect the necessary uildings. He also provides an endovvlent fund to pay teachers, and provides aat all pupils shall work so many hours er day. All the proceeds of the farm and workbops are to go to the endowment fund, t is the most important bequest ever aade to the cause of education by a priato individual in Alabama. Mr. Street ore the general reputation of being a lose, hard man in money matters, and is bequest comcs in the nature of a gratrying surprise. ? A Lewiston, (Me.) man thrashed his on for using his father's wooden leg as baseball bat, which was eminently cored, or the chap might have felt at librty to tako the sound limb next time. ? ittr. uouias aocior says me oniy hing that will relieve his debility is dleness. The debility of lots other men, lnancially speakiug, would probably >enefit by Mr. Gould's taking the dose. ?, If one or two pieces of phosphorus if the size of peas be enclosed in a small >ottle half full of olive oil and kept for ome little time the airspace in the bottle vill become filled with a phosphorescent 'apor. The phosphorence will fade, but nay bo renewed by simply uncorking he bottle. Sufficient light will be given >ut to toll the time by; in fact this metli>d is used by watchmen in some places vhere explosives are stored. ? The pension list Is a lasting, and promises to be an everlasting monument o the prowess of the Confederate soldier, rhere wore only about 600,000 Rebs all old, but these have put 520,158 Yanks to lrawing pensions besides the 1,004,058 ,vho were killed during the war or have lied since. There are now living 1,208,'07 Union soldiers, and of these 520,158, is stated, are now drawing pensions, or ibout one half. Verily the Confederate ioldier was a good marksman. ? Though the late Col. S. B. Pickens, of 5outh Carolina, was the youngest Confederate colonel, the youngest Union solJier to attain that rank was Col. "Billy" Hobson, of the Thirteenth Kentucky Infantry, who was promoted from major to colonel immediately after the battle ol Shiloh. He was then under twenty-two. and at the close of the war he was a full brigadier, though then only twenty-six. Col. Pickens was twenty-five when he was made colonel of an Alabama regiment.? New York World. ? Hon. S. L. Bingham, Senator ol Florence county, was convicted before Judge Norton at Florence last week ol forcible entry and detainer, and sentenced thirty days in jail or ?25 fine. Ad indictment was also found against him for assault with intent to kill and carrying concealed weapons, but this case was continued. Tho cases arose out of ? dispute concerning land between him and his sister. Here is an example for tlu State. One of her law-makers becomes a law-breaker. ? The conditions of warfare have beet so radically changed by smokeless pow der and magazine riiies, effective at i mile and a half, that European Govern monts are seeking for devices that wil afford protection to soldiers. Austria anc France are experimenting with shieldi for this purpose. A committee of thi French war office have reported in favo of a buckler of aluminum and copper They think that a shield can bo made o this combination light enough to be car ried without serious difficulty, and stronj enough to stop even tho moderate rifl bullet, except at very close quarters. News Paragraphs. ? Tho negroes of the United States nowpay taxes on ?2<>4,000,000 worth of property. ? Immense flocks of crows have exterminated the grasshopper pest in parts of California. ? Montana claims to have sold already this year 80,000 head of cattle at an averago net price of $30. ? By a recent legislative enactment Georgia physicians who indulge in intoxicants are disqualified from practice. ? The covetous person lives as if tho I world was made altogether for him, and not he for the world; to take in everything and part with nothing. ? The Savannah river is at a very low ebb. The season just passed has been remarkably dry. Better that way than what it was in September, 1SS8. ? Dr. Jacobi, tho specialist in diseases of women and children, sa\*s that the baby of to-day lias a much better chance of life than the baby of fifty years ago. I ? A dispatch from Montana dated the oiu illouf otjtcj XV ?lwo ucoii oiivmjii^ uiiu drifting incessantly for the last forty-eight hours. There are throe feet of snow on a level. Business is practically at a stand still. ? The Arizona Territorial Legislature at its last session passed an Act exe.upting all land used in the cultivation of sugar beets, as well as the plant and machinery employed in the manufacture of domestic sugar, from taxation for ten years. ? The newest patent given to a woman has been for improvement in steam boilers and furnaces. Another woman has recently invented an appliance designed for teaching the value of coins. A third has patented a new kind of horse shoe. ?At Huntsville, Ala., Professor Renfo, , a white teacher in a colored normal Institute, attempted to chastise ^Sbenezer Kahn, a colored pupil. Kahn seized a three-inch Bteel chisel and imbedded it into Renfo's brain, killing him.instantly. Kahn is under arrest. - i ? In a Colleton case Judge Izlar has decided that a South Carolinian, married I ... lUSft tlniA a?\^1 /IStTAKAA/l art/3 rnm o frlarl U11U13 OUllcailU U1YV/IVUU auu ioiuniiivu in another State, cannot have the validity of his second marriage recognized in South Carolina if he returns to his home, i and that the children ate illegitimate. 1 ? Tacoma, Wash., is after the democratic convention, and has sent a committee 1 east to present its claims. It offers to I transport the delegates free of charge on , four big palace-car trains starting from Portland, Now York, Washington and Jacksonville, and pickingup the delegates < as they sweep along the continent. ? The burning of the Baltimore and Ohio railroad elevator, at Baltimore, last Sunday, delayed the train carrying the Baltimore baseball club, which haa an engagement to play at Wehawken N. J., that afternoon. The train, however, made up lost time, making the extraordinary run of ninety-two miles in ninetytwo minutes. ? One man who always uses both knife | and fork in carrying food to his mouth, was asked one day by an acquaintance why he did bo, replied: "I'm a busy i man. God has given me two hands. .Shall I let one rest idle while the other is working ? No. I'm all for division of laboi. I eat my food in half the time," , ? President Harrison thinks that Cuba j would be worth $100,000,000 to the United ! States, and it is said that he is making ' negotiations for its purchase. These ne- i gotiations, so rumor has it are being conducted without Blaine's assistance. Is it possible that President Harrison is en- 1 deavoring to give tne country the impression that ho has a head of his own ? ? Miss Gertrude Potter, of Chicago, is building up quite a reputation as a ma- 1 trimonial oxpert, having been married 1 three times, and not near 30, either. Sbe is beautiful and rich, and by means of a divorce and an illegal marriage with a < minor, a romance with a newsboy, and , other sensations, she has made a decided J hit, even in Chicago. ? Spartanburg not only leads the whole State in the manufacture of cotton, but | she can also claim the champion cotton picker. Pierce Pool, a white boy living near Campton, picked out 444pounds the other day, when there was no dew or dampness to increase the weight of the lint. Thifc is a record-breakine year, but that is a record that will probably stand. ? Erlenmever says that children born of women addicted to the morphine habit are practically morphine eaters from birth During the first few days of life, unless morphine is given to them, they are very apt to suffer collapse; and this condition may end in death, the child being too weak to withstand the violent symptoms which are similar to those which follow the sudden withdrawal of the drug in adult opium eaters. ? "If the skies should rain silver, and if silver dollars should bo heaped up in the valleys so that those who are making such an ado about more money could fill their sacks and baskets, and could cart it away with them, it would, under our unequal tariff system, soon find its way back to the present custodians of the wealth of the country, leaving the tax ridden farmer as poor as ever."?Henry Watterson. ? Mrs. Alicia F. Henderson, of New York has bad fifteen husbands and she is only forty-flve years old. The fact of her fifteenth matrimonial venture is recalled by hfcr recent sentence to a term of three months in jail for abusing Helen Dennis, the daugnter of her fourteenth husband. Her matrimonial record is a remarkable one. Born in Havana, of Spanish parents, sho was educated at Paris, and there first married, but she got 'the majority of her husbands in this country. All, except her present husband, died soon after marriage. i ? The "living man with a broken ? neck," who has been earning a livelihood for some time in New York by exhibiting i himself in a dime museum, tried to commit suicide by poison the other day, but ? was prevented from accomplishing his purpose, wo believe, by the very misfortuno which was probably the cause of tho f attempt. "It is a question whether a man > in this miserable condition should not bo [ allowed to put an end to his worthless . and unhappy existence, which most peoi pie. would decide in the affirmative, det spite Biblical teachings to the contrary." 5 ? "The bounty which the Government I offers on sugar," says tho Indianapolis [ Journal, "has undoubtedly stimulated tho 3 production of beet and sorghum sugar in , Nebraska, Kansas, Utah, and California. The output in Kansas, which is from sorghum, will exceed .'>,000,000 pounds, while i one beet sugar factory will turn out 6,000,000 pounds and another in Lehigh, i U. T., will yield 7,000,000, and the total - of the three States and Territory above 1 named will reach 27,000,000 pounds. Tho 1 beet sugar appears much more successful i than the sorghum." No part of tho re- J 9 gion here defined is in the South. If tho r Journal will consider tho circumstance attontivcly it will understand, we are sure, f why a Republican Congress are so ready - to abolish tho protective duty on cane sug gar and offer a liberal bounty interest for o tho production of all kinds of the product. Sow Wheat, There is nothing the matter with the seasons and the lands of the Piedmont Bectioo when it comes to raising wheat. In the old days before the war small farmers made twice enough to supply their own wants and flour was hauled from our mills to Augusta and Columbia. People living in the towns could get a supply of flour from any wheat mill in the country. Seed wheat was always abundant. Occasionally a partial failure would occur for the varieties were generally late. Fresh lands were generally sown then and the wheat was put in early so that a j - 3 .1 I r iL^ t gooa siana was secureu oeioreiae ireezes i came. Now the best land ia saved for cotton. Wheat is generally put off in some odd corner and plowed in late in December without preparation and often without manure. About half the years partial failure follows as it ought to do. We cannot hope to equal the big yields of the Shenandoah Valley or the prairies of the Northwest, but by sowing good land in time we may expect twelve to twenty bushels to the ucre. Our farmers should sow wheat liberally this year.. The small amount for sale in the County is worth $1 25 a bushel. Fair flour is retailing at (6.00 a barrel. Europe is demanding large quantities of American grain. Many persons believe that wheat will go to $1 50 a bushel. That would carry fl'?ur to $8.00 a barrel. Can Spartanburg farmers afford to pay that when their own lands will produce wheat at less than a $1.00 a bushel? There are thousands of acrea of idle land that would make good wheat if properly prepared. Of coarse there are many farmers who y say that it will not pay to raise wheat. ( The same ground planted in cotton will ( bay twice the floor that acre will make. Such farmers generally bay their flour j on liens. Take one acre and* see how J cheap wheat may be raised. ( 25 Bushels cotton seed at $3 75 , 1 Sack dissolved bone.../ 1 80 ( 3 Pecks of seed 93 ( 1 Day's plowing 1 00 { Cuttiog and hauling 75 ( Total cost for one acre $8 23 j The probable yield of that acre would , be twelve bushels, the cost of which { would be only 68 cents a bushel. Is that j dearer than buying flour at $6.00 a barrel ] cash ? x j Another objection farmers make to raising wheat is that the mills have all run down and they cannot make flour fit to eat. That complaint serves as an excuse for laziness. We used some flour made at White's mill from wheat not well dried, and it was first-class. Noah Bell brought us a sack of "middlings" for which the children cried after they got a taste of the delicious batter cakes and "black bread" as they called it. A lady from Florida after trying Bell's "middlings" left an order for a sack to be shipped to her home. Captain Isaac Padgett left some of his flour at our door last week and it is a beautiful cream color, and the taste is better than the whitest patent ever made. There are other good mills in the County, and if you will make the wheat they will all be put in first-class order.?Spartanburg Spartan. m + m Cotton Seed Meal and Halls for ? Horses. i Id reply to inquiries touching the feeding of horses and mules with cotton ! seed and meal, W C. Welboro gives the . following: With 8 cents a day in cotton seed meal j and hulls I can put all the flesh on a 1,000 pound steer that bis frame will hold, or get all the work out of him he is capable of doing Why not do the same with mules and horses? has oiten been asked. Horse feed is very expensive, and especially bo here, where all the coro, , oats and hay arc bought. Now, cotton seed meal is not only cheaper pouDd for pound, than corn, but contains about three times as much nutriment, and the hulls only cost one fifth of the prices of hay. The more hulls and meal a horse can be made to eat, then the less expensive will be the ration. I have been experimenting some on this line, and for the benefit of others give something of the results. I begau with a horse and a mule, and by mixing only the smallest quantity of meal and hulls with corn chops and bran, induced tbem to eat it. The amount was increased from day to day, till now they eat three pounds of meal and enough hulls to furnish sufficient roughness. I confidently expect in a year's time to be able to feed horses on 10 to 20 cents a day, instead of 30 or 40 cents. Oorn meal and cotton seed meal and hulls make an excellent combination. Corn fed alone is too heating and contaius too little of the alluminoids, or muscle producing elements. Cotton Beed meal is exceedingly rich in these. The two mixed will make the complete ration.? Exchange. ? It is estimated that the Western railroads have earned $250,000 the past year from the transportation of Mormon missionaries and their proselytes. Enough disciples are brought over from Europe every year to *66? the Mormon colonies thriving. Regularly every two weeks the converts from foreign lands pass through Kansas City in bands of from seventy five to 100. They are in charge always of an elder, who is sent by the Mormons of Utah to work in Europe, Modern Science. Modern science has brought the cork leg to a state of perfection which renders it almost impossible for the casual obser* ] per to detect the difference between the real andjthe artifiical. There was an em* { inent sergeant-at-law some years ago who had a cork-leg that was a triumph . >f artistic deception. None but his intimate friends knew for certain which . was the sham limb. A wild young wag "if thfi "llttPP hnr " nhn lenow tiia uap. ;eant pretty well, once thought to utilize this knowledge to the sergeant's secret to ^ take iD a green, newly fledged young barrister. The sergeant was addressing j i special jury at Westminster in bis usual earnest and vehement style, and the ^ wag whispered to his neighbor, "You see how hot old Buzfuz is over his case, now ['11 bet you a sovereign I'll ruu this pin into his leg up to the head, and he will , never notice it, he's so absorbed in his . * j sage. He's a most extraordinary man in that way." This was more than the * greenhorn could swallow, so he took the " bet. The wag drew a large pin from his j svaiatcoat, and leaning forward, drove it up to.the head in the sergeant's leg. A : pell that froze the blood of all who heard J it, that made the hair of the jury stand 3n end, and caused the judge's wig to al- 1 most fall off, rang through the court, j 'By Jove I it's the wrong leg and I've lost my money," exclaimed the dismayed ind conscience stricken wag, quite reit r .l _ ?. _ i J f.. J .. ;araiesa 01 me pain ne naa lnniciea up- , )o the learned sergeant. How to Get Rich. "The way to get rich," says an editor ivhose mind soars beyond the brink of jternity, "is to trust nobody, befriend lone, gel all you can and save all yon jet; to stint yourself and everything that jelongs to you and to be the friend of no nan and have no man for your friend; :o heap interest, cent upon-cent, to be nean, miserable and despised for some wenty or thirty years and riches will iome as sure as disease, disappointment ind death. And when pretty nearly mough wealth is collected by a disregard )f all charities of the human heart, and it the expense of every enjoyment, death rill finish the work?the body is buried, he heirs dance and fight over what you lave left, and the spirit will go?where? 3y all means get rich, it will pay?the levil." i Manure from Heaven, ( The following interesting statement ' tppeara in an article from the pen of the ' [lev. J. B. Hunnicutt, professor of agri- 1 sulture at Athens, in the September Cul- 1 ivalor: ( "The rain-water of our clime is highly 1 fertilized with ammonia, and if held by leep plowing and level culture, very rap- < dly adds to the fertility of the soil. Our i vater is said to contain three per cent, of immonia. This means about three tons i >f ammonia per acre for every inch of 1 ainfall. How important then to store iway and creep irom wasting mis element )f fertility. By preventing washing, 1 molding what we have and adding there:o by holding the rain, we can enrich the < Door soil ana make rich the richer soil." i A Colouel by Marriage. A traveler in Texas says that he was riding along a cattle trail near the New 1 Mexico line when be met a rather pom* poua looking native of the region, who introduced himself as Col. Higgins, of Devil's river. 1 "Were you a Colonel ir the Confederite army ?" I asked. "No, Bah." 1 "On the Union side, then ?" I t "No, ?ah; neber was in no wab." i UO-1 Ik. 9" 1 DttlUUg IU LUG ACAOO IkOUgClu ? "No, sab, I do not." "Ah I pee. You command one of the i State militia regiments ?" i "No, sah, I don't. Don't know nothing about soldiering." "Where did you get the rank of Colonel ?" "I'se a colonel by marriage, sah." "By marriage ? How's that ?" "I married the widow of a kunnel, sah, Kunnel Thompson, of Waco."? Youth's Paper. The following law was enacted by the last Legislature : "At the expiration of the times prescribed by law to receive (tax) returns, each Auditor shall make out and forward to the Board of Trustees of each School District within his County a correct list of the polls returned from their respective Districts. The School Trustees shall examine carefully said list and report to the Auditor as soon as practicable the names of all persons who shall have failed or neglected to make returns, and it shall be the duty of the Auditor to enter upon bis books the names of all | persons thus reported to him by Boards i of School Trustees." Approved December 24th, A. D. 1S90. We desire to call theattention of Trustees to this law, and if they have not received a list of the polls of theirj)istricts, they should call on the Auditor and get it, or write to him for it. This is au important move, and will add hundreds of dollars to the; nchool fund. Trustees, let us beg you to perform well your part in J this matter. ? The largest tomato on record at the | Kansas agricultural college was produc- j ed this year.. It weighs 30 ounces. All Sorts of Paragraphs. ? "Woman feels where man thinks." Yea, and that's what makes the men prenaturely bald. ? Harvard College is 225 years old md has graduated 17,000 students, i little more than half of them are livog< ? A female engineer, Miss Ida Hewitt, is regularly employed on the Cairo md Kanawha Valley railroad in West Virginia. * ? "Do you believe man sprang from ;he ape ?" "No; but I believe woman iprings from the mouse?in fact, I've sen aer do it." ? Mrs. Spendall?'"You look worried, [a it because you are so deeply in debt?" Mr. Spendall (gloomily)?"No, it's be;auae I can't get any deeper.** ? "Johnny," said the pretty teacher, 'what is a kiss ?" "I can't exactly put it in words," returned the boy, "but if per really wanter know, I can show per." ? Printer?There was a bill collector . here to see you. Editor?And what did pou do with him ? Printer?I shot him. Editor?Good gracious I And powder is forty cents a pound ! Why didn't you pitch him out of the window ? " ? Quong Yo Ick, a Chinaman, who [las all the advantages of a first class education, has recently married an Indian woman of tbo Soughies tribe, and they will enter the field as missionaries of the Methodist Church, to which they both belong. ? "When I marry I shall try to be mre of one thing, and that is that I have i woman of sense." "You mean a woman af prudence and forethought, with fine Exceptions and a knowledge of human nature?" "Yes, that's it exactly." (Dm ^ lit At* a?a ^Vi a Ui'n/1 t Vi a n ArrAn mfl v. uub) tucjr mo kuo aiuu vuau uoyoi uiairy." ? Rev. A. W. Mann, the deaf mate . preacher, says that there are forty thouaind deaf mutes in the United States, and ipward of a million in the world. The -atio of deaf mutes to the rest of<lhe popllation, according to his computation, is >ne to every 1,600;. ? A New York woman hopped?out of ied the other night, flung her arms tround a burglar and held him while her msband ran several blocks for a policeman. All of which goes to show that when a woman gets her arms around a nan's neck he is safe. ?The Tennessee Courts have to decide whether a man can select his own Sab* * 3ath, or rest day. A Seventh-Day Addentist who insisted*on keeping Saturday is his rest day and working on Sunday was indicted. He was convicted in a County court, but an appeal has gone up to the higher court. ? The youngest married couple in Connecticut, probably, dwell in the little country hamlet of Sterling, among the Windham County Hills. They are Mr. and Mrs. C Fenner. He is 14 years and 7 months old and she is 15 years and 4 months. They have been married for several months, ?Deacon Jones?"But, my dear man, / why cannot you and your wife agree to harmony ?" Dear man?"That's just it. I'm agreed, but she isn't. I, of course, want her to harmonize with me, but she insists that I shall harmonize with her. Just like a woman, you know. Bound to have her own way every time." ? This is a record-smashing year. Mrs. Georgia A. Brown made a notable divorce record in Oakland, California, a few days ago. She filed her complaint OQ Tuesday morning, me summoua were Berved on Wednesday, on Thursday her husband put in a frivolous answer, and on Friday the answer was stricken out. The case was referred, testimony was taken, and the decree was granted on the same afternoon. Time, three and a half days. ? A lover should be treated with the same gentleneps as a- new glove. The young lady should pull him on with the utmost tenderness at first, only making ^ the smallest advauce at a time, till she gradually gains upon him, and twists him ultimately around her little fiuger ; whereas the young lady who is hasty,' and in too great a hurry, will never get a lover to take her hand, but be left with nothing but her finger ends. --A smart young fellow iu Chicago who was newly wed asked his wife what ?he would do if he were to come home drunk. She said she bad never given the matter a thought, but should probably be inspired by the occasion. When a week later, her hubby came whooping and staggering home, she met him at the door with a pnil cf ice-water and soused him from head to foot before he could explain that he was ouly shamming. There is prohibition in that househo'd for keeps. ? A good story istoi-l of a Connecticut parsou. His country parish raised his salary from $300 to $400. The good man objected for three reasocs : "First," .said ho, ".because y>u ci.i't afford to give me more than $300. "Second, because tuy preaching isn't worth more than that. "Third, becauso I have in collect my salary which, heretofore, hafl bei-n the hardest part of my labors among you. If I have to collect au additional hun* drad it will kill me."