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<* r? J. "budgeT^'OFTUNTI HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. A Whole Volley?Various Opinions? Not on the Bench?A Metlical Phenomenon?A Fast Train, Etc., Etc. Wigwug?"That fellow with the long hair? Oh, he's a poet." Filtrip?"His is a srrikiug figure? undoubtedly a man fired by high ambitions!" Wigwug?"Ah? Well, I live in hi? on*} T l<rmnf>n to know U^t^JlUV/lIIVUVl. unvt A that he has also been fired by his landlady!"?Detroit Free Pre*is. Various Opinions. Bobby was in the parlor when Alberhis called, and Maud was up stairs getting ready to present herself. ' Good evening, Robert," said Alber. his, briskly; "Miss Maud lias not arrived yet, I see?" ''Nope,'' replied Bobby, carelessly; I "she's makin' something, I s'pose." "Industry. Robert, is a shining virtue. But what is Miss Maud making?" "I dunno: they were talkin' about you it the tea table, and Maud said she was makin' a wash, ma said she was makin' hay while the sun shines, and pa said she was makin' a fool of herself."?St. Lout* ! Republican. Not On the Bench. He was a worthy shoemaker, who, by diligence and thrift, had acquired quite i good property, and who had retired | from his useful employment and was en- I joying a mature age of leisure. From j Lis dignified and judicial demeanor he had gained among his friends the title of 4 'judge." Once an eminent stranger was visiting the town, and the citizens were makii g an effort to show off the place and give a reception to the visitor. The "judge" was Oil ine commune vi entertainment* The stranger, hearing! him called "judge," thought to do a i graceful thing by asking: "Judge, are j you on the bench now?" The "judge" turned on him a good- j oatured face, and replied: "Why, bless I you, I hain't waxed a thread in twenty ' year!"? Youth's Comjxuiiva. A Medical Phenomenon. "Ilelloa, Wigglesworth!" exclaimed an Austin man, meeting an acquaintance j on the avenue; "you are as gray as a rat. j What-'s the matter wilh you?'' "It's terrible, isn't it? Last night I j experienced a severe fright, and my hair J turned to its present silvery hue itnmedi- j ftely." A few days after this the Austin man j again encountered Wigglesworth wearing | beautiful, resplendent, coal black locks, j "Why, Wigglesworth, what's the meaning of this? The last time we met your hair was snow white, now it is dark : as the raven wing." "Yes; you see my hair turned gray ; from sudden fright. Yesterday a man j ? paid me ten dollars, he had been owing ; me for a long time and the pleasurable emotions were so violent that they turned j it back again to its original color."? j Texas Si/tings. A Fast Train. "Look here." said a traveling man to the conductor as lie passed through the j train. "You've made a mistake." "In what way?" "You to!d me when I got on that this j was a fa$t train. I never traveled so slow j in my life." "I assure you that what I told you was j correct. This is one of the fastest trains on the roijid." "Well, come to think of it, I guess j you're right. You've no objection to my ; going back to the rear platform, have j you?" "Xo, sir. But what do you waut out j there?" "I want to see what the blamed thing i is fast to."?Merchant Traveler. Ho Got His Change. One of those chronic dead-beats who i habitually infest society, railway aud ' street cars, boarded an Austin car, and ( proceeded to develop his little game. It i was by no means a new one, and the ' driver imniwlintelv seized UDOn it. ouietlv collected his fare in the shape of a nickel, i and for several blocks nothing was said. 1 Then the fraud shivered the silence with: "Am I going to have my change for that dollar 1 gave you?" "You didn't give me a dollar,replied j the driver, scowling darkly. "Yes, but I did though, and if you i don't pass me over the ninety-five cents, | I'll report you."' "But you only gave me a nickel." "I say I gave you a dollar, and I want some change," aud the man stood upon the platform glaring defiantly. The passengers became interested, and the driver shifted his position. "You ar?^ riding along all right enough now, ain't you?" incpiired the railway jehu. "Yes, I "spose I am." "Well," said the driver, suddenly removing his fist from the vicinity of the beat's nose, and shooting him off the car. "now you ain't, you sec. Ain't that change enough for you?"?Texm iSi/tingx Saving I he I>o?. One day when the ire was going out of the Big Sioux river somebody cried out that a dog wa< going over the falls. In two minutes the nearest bridge was nnxroroil with l>PGl>lc. It WHS a lai'ITC black dog on a cake of ice fifty pqirare, which was coming steadily down the current. "Call hiui oft-!"' yelled twenty men. "Throw him a rope!"' howled a dozen men. "Can't we lasso him when he's going wilder the bridge?" called a small man. Til give fifty dollars for him if he goes, over and comes out alive!" yelled a fat man wlio put out poison for liis neighbor's dog the night before. He'll be worth it!" said another. "For heaven's sake give nie a pole!" shouted a lonjj-legged man who had shot two dog; that morning, as he leaped off the approach of the bridge and waded through the old tin cans to the water's edge. Give that man a pole!" again yelled the fat man, getting red in the face and climbing upon the railing. "Poor doggie, why don't those horrid men save the helpless thing.'" said a lady who rode up in a carriage with her husband. "A hundred dollars for the dog if lie gets through alive!" whooped the fat man, recklessly raising his own bid and leaning out over the water. "Hurry up with that rope!" "Bring a pole!" ''Doggie, doggie, nice doggie! Come on 1" But the dog did nothing but look jr^kly around and occasionally wag his tail as if he was trying to explain h? never expected to raise all this row. The ice reached the falls, and as the forward edge glided over the dog stepped back a little and then went over and out j into the spray and foam. Some of you fools go below and pull [ him out !*'screamed the fat man. 4,1 kin lick titer man what says tliot air j dog don't pull through!" remarked a rawboned man who had not spoken before. I "Course you can," said every one in hearing. Just then the dog appeared some distance below the falls, lie shot up out of an eddy and being near a rock, swam to it, leaped to the jjhore and ran back toward the crowd. "tie's ill J riorht !'* cried everv man on - - o ? the bridge. "Well, I'll be hanged,said the fat man, who had made the large offers, a? the dog came nearer, "'I'm a liar if it ain't the same blamed cur I've been trying to poison for two weeks!"'?Dakota Bell. Their First Meeting. The Chicago Nem tells the story of how Louis James, a prominent actor, and Gus Mortimer, his manager, first met. Says our informant: On the night of the second day's battle of the Wilderness Mortimer was on picket duty. He had not eaten a morsel for over thirty-six hours, and he was nearly dead with hunger, and very faint, having but recently come from the hospital. It had been the wont of the soldiers to supply the place of food by copious chews of plug tobacco, and Mortimer's pockets were full of th? weed, but the doctor had forbidden him using it. He was standing by a tree, faint and despairiug, and in the agony of his situation he exclaimed aloud: "I'd give the biggest plug of tobacco in the world for a piece of hard-tack !" "I'll take you at your word, Johnny Reb!'' exclaimed a hearty voice, and before Mortimer could bring his gun to his shoulder a form sprang out of the dusk and a stalwart zouave stood before him. "I've been watching you for some lilill'y tUH I 1JU VIVVl IUV AlVilUVtu u>t?wj "and I thought you saw me and was getting ready to pot me till I heard you speak.'' The zouave had unslung his knapsack and displayed before the famished rebel what seemed to him a banquet. '"And now. young fellow," he said, "if you'll give me a plug of tobacco you can have all the hard-tack your jaws can crack. Fork over!"' Such exchanges were common, and Mortimer clutched the food and passed over a plug of Virginia tobacco, which was as eagerly received by the zouave. They talked a moment or two and then, realizing their danger, prepared to part. Mortimer incidentally told his companion his name and ^calling. The other was surprised and said he was an actor, too. "You are?" asked Mortimer.delighted. "You are a brick! When the war is over I'll come North and join you. "What's your name?" "Louis James," said the zouave as he reslung his knapsack, picked up his gun, and disappeared in the words. Jay Gould's Churchyard. Jay Gould's project of establishing a I railroad town in the West reminds the Philadelphia Record of the story of the summary manner in which he wrought j vengeance upon a community that had j incurred his displeasure. When the great strike was on one year ago on the Missouri Pacific and other Western lines controlled l>y Jay Gould the town of Sedalia, Mo., was a thriving place. It was what is commonly known as a railroad town, far shops were located there, and Sedalia bore about the same relation to the Gould railroads in Missouri that Altoona bears to the Pennsylvania Railroad in this State. During the strike the storekeepers and traders of the town supported the railroad employes and callcd mass meetings in their aid. . Travelers who now pass the place are told that .lav Gould thought the Sedalia people had ujone further than the occasion demanded. He became incensed at their activity, and it is reported that when the story of their doings was laid before him he exclaimed: *' Within a year I will turn that town into a churchyard.'' The strike ended in failure. Jay Gould ordered the removal of the car-shops aud of all of his railroad property. Within a month the town of Sedalia began to show signs of decay. As the trains roll by and passengers note the absence of life, trainmen tell them that | i?- : tin- JJIUI'C 12? ?MIV UVUIVl 9 U1U1VUJ?JU. | The revenge of the gre.it millionaire is complete. Dwarfs of Plant Life. In the far north we find low, bush-like j plants creeping near the rocks as if for shelter, which, upon examination, are found to be identical with the great trees farther south, here reduced in size by the rigors of the Arctic winter. The j Japanese delight in attempting improve! mcnts upon bothynimals and plants, and in tlic latter tliev have produced some : remarkable results, one of the most strik| in? cases ever seen being an apple tree j four inches high, covered with ripe | apples, each about as large its a currant, i Both leaves and fruit were pcrfcet in shape, color, and vigor, and only reduced j , iu size. | Dwarfs are not always produced by j ! extremes of cold. Near Cape Xe^ro, in j Afriea. on a plateau about six miles wide j and three hundred miles long, is found a curious tree, named after its discoverer, j I)r. Welwif-ch. The diameter of the stem is aoour jour leer, uui inn enure j tree is only one foot high. presenting a (curious appearance, especially as it ! possesses only two woody leaves, that j have to last during its life, as no others appear. j These dwarfs look like round tables I scattered over the sandy plain, the two : leaves, often six feet long, and broken up j into ribbons, extending outward, and | waving in the wind like signals of ! distress.? Youth's Companion. Mrs. Xinirod. Nimrod was a mighty hunter. He was probably thai- way from a boy, always liuuting. He ran away from school to hunt woodchucks. Put him at work in the hay field, and. unless he was watched, he would hunt a cool, sh;idy place to lie down. "When he grew up he hunted a wife, we suppose, and every spring h<* had the usual experience in house hunting. And there has been a mighty sight [ of mighty hunters in that direction ev< i i j since JJimrod's day. We hear nothing about Mrs. Xiintod, i but we will bet anything her life was not a happy one. When there was house cleaning to do xsimrod would shoulder his gun and start off to hunt squirrels. And some dav, after she had done a big v:...- ,.-^1,1.1 r-nm.. !,? i nasljiliu, 11c nwum vvi.iv J?vi.?v a i vm v.jv 1 hunt at eleven or twelve o'clock at night | anrl insist upon her getting up a game i dinner for himself and a lot of brother j sportsmen that he had brought with him, all of them more or less under the Infln- j euc.e of "budge." How tired she must have got, too. of hearing Nimrod's big J stories about the hunts lie had been engaged in. Poor Jlrs. Nirnrod. ? Terns Siftings. THE WESTERN BOOM. ?r. JokppIi, M?m Still l.eadint All Coinpctilorn in Rcnl Entiiic DcaN nttri tlir Acqui- : ftilion ol'SiibHtantiHl Knlcr pi-lac*. The most noticeable real cst.ito activity continues to prevail at St. Joseph, Mo., says a correspondent of an Eastern paper. Packing houses and other industrial enterprises, among them the Louisiana Tobacco Works, are going in at a lively rate; one of the' chief evidences of the growth of the city being the granting of a franchise to a syndicate of Kansas City capitalists for the construction of an extensive system of cable linos, to be commenced at once, and to cost $300,000. The best evidence, however, is in the show- | ing of actual transactions closed in one week recently: W. A. P. McDonald bought 00 lots in Eastern Extension for $10,500. He sold 54 of them for $10,700, and sold the balance at an advance of $30 per foot in cost. Sara Nave and J. S. Britton bought a lot in Fatce's addition for $2,000 and sold for $3,000 in four days. W. H. Constable bought lot 2, block 54. St.. Joseph Extension, for $300, and sold for $550. J. S. Blackwilder, of Chicago, bought eighty f<x?t. southeast corner of Third and Sylvan ic. for $14,000, and has been offered nearly double that for it and refused it. J. M. Hill paid $7,000 for northeast corner of Second and Francis, and has since refused $18,000. C. W. Brown bought two lots on St. Joseph avenue for $1,- j GOO, and sold in six days lor $3,000. John | Kelly bought two lots in Eastern Extension: he paid $(KX); in thirty days he sold for $900: it has since been resold for $1,200. J. F. Tyler bought a lot in Eastern Extension for $125 and-sold to Hubbard for $500, who has since been offered $700. L. E. Carter bought a lot in January in Kemper's addition for $700. In three days after he was offered $1,000, and since then $2,000. He bought four lots in Robidonx addition for $4,000; sold for $0,000, and his purchaser sold for $S,000. Mrs. N. M. Brewster bought three lots for $500 and sold for $1,150 in three days, and in four days they were resold for $1,400, D. G-. Griswold bought six lots in East St. Joseph for $200 and sold the next day for * $750; also thre3 others [for $200 and resold in three weeks for $1,000, One of the publishers of Hoye's Directory, speaking of the Western eities and the Jrevailing boom, writes as follows of St. oseph, where he has just issued the Directory for 1887: "Notonly has St. Joseph increased in population at a most satisfactory rate, there being an increase in one year of 5,846, while the total population in round numbers is shown to be 60,000; but she has undergone a spirited revival that augurs the outstripping of all competition. Ten years ago the city had scarcely a dozen I manufactories, whereas the year *87 finds her with some 170 of all kinds, with thirteen railroads, the largest stock-yards west of Chicago, some thirteen miles of streets, paved with asphaltum, and as many miles more under contract, with the electric motor soon to be in operation on two of the car lines, and the cable line an assured fact, and new enterprises springing up daily on every hand. The demand for real estate has been steady and active. For the past year St. Joseph has led almost continually tlie other cities of the United States in bank clearances, the per cent, of increase over 1880 reaching in one case 140.7, and up to date maintaining an average of almost 100. Down to Dec. 31, 1886, St Joseph's jobbing houses did a business of fll0,?39,/Wl *4* am inrtnaaefl in iViA lineiriPCC rtf I lS8Gaover"tkat of *1865 of $23,111,038. A fair indication of the increasing business may be sought in the fact that bt. Joseph now employs a force of commercial travelers numbering 1,013 men." St. Joseph, more than any other "Western town, "offers the best inducements to men of small capital to commence a manufacturing business, and to mechanics and laborers to find employment ai>d build desirablo homes. Horn-Books. One of the rarest, and certainly one of the most interesting books in the library of the British Museum, is our ancestors called a "horn-book." It was. in fact, their primer, the ordinary means by which they began (heir education; and down to the reign of George II. must have been very common, for we see by an entry in the account book of the Archer family that one was sold in 1729 for twopence. At present there is no book more difficult to obtain. The one in the British Musuia was found a quarter of a century ago in a deep closet, built in the thick walls of an old farm-house in Derbyshire. It is said a laborer engaged in pulling down the walls of an ancient house recognized it as that from which his father had been taught to read. Upon the back is a picture of Charles 1. on horseback, giving some approximation to its date. It is a single leaf, containing upon the front side the ulphalK-t, large and small, in Old English" and Roman letters, ten short columns of mono-syllables founded on the vowels, and ti e Lord's Prayer: all set in a frame of oak, now black with age, and protected by a slice of transparent horn, hence the name horn-book. There is a handle by which to hold it, and in the handle a hole for a string, so it could hang from the gridle. A picture of 1720 represents a child running in leading strings with a horn-book tied to her side. A cheaper kind of horn-book had the leaf of printed paper pasted upon the horn, and perhaps the greater number were made in this way. If so, it is net singular they should be scarce, for they would be very easily destroyed. Shen-tone writes in 1742 of "Hooks of stature small, While with p -llift'id horn secured all tv* car** iWtiti finornvc TVf-.t f'lo Ipftmrs fair.' The alphabet upon the horn-books was always headed by .1 cross and so was frequently tailed the Christ Cross Row, or in common speech, the Criss Cross How, this being the title under which a very worn specimen is catalogued at Oxford.? ('/isixtiiih ut Work. The One lie Forgot. 'John, I would like to invite my friend. Mrs. Smaller, this evening. AVi 11 you be able to be in?'' "No, my dear: I must attend a meeting of the Knights of Honor to night?"' "Well, to-morrow eveuing?" "I have the Ancient Order of United Workmen, and you know?*' "What about Wedncs-j day evening?" "O, the Odd-Fellows meet that night, and Thursday I have a mectinc of the Chosen Friends to j attend; Friday tlic Royal Templars; Saturday tbore's a special meeting of the Masonic lodge, and I couldn't miss that; and then Sunday?let mo sec what is ; there Sunday night, my dear?" "The Grand and Ancient order of Cbristiau j Fellowship." ""Why I bad forgotten; i am I a inemlier of that?let mo see?: "Rut you have forgotten another society, ! John, of which you were once a member." "What's that?"' "Your wifc's.? HosU'ti ltword. The mo>l valuable cf all American c?iiii< are two 1804 dollars, which arc in w< l! known collodion**. They are valued at $'2,000 ea< h. It has been determined, to the satisfaction of numismati?t?, that these two dollars were not coined until 1828. although they were struck from the ! original 1804 die. They were secretly made?although such a procedure is a penal offence?for someone high in influence' and authority, who desired them for coin collections. A Russian engineer has discovered a process of crystallizing petrojeura so it may be transposed more easily. "Deak, dear, how fashions do alter, to be sure," remarked old Mre. Peach- < blossom. "I see that steerage rates are cot lower."?Jff-tc York Journal, Do Stove-Pipe Hats Make Bald Heads? The habit of wearing warm coverings on the head is not of reoent date; the armies of Europo, for instance, no inconsiderable number of men. with heads close croppcd, have worn for a long period wanner and heavier head-^ear than the modern dwellers in cities, without the same tendency to baldness. Nor are the heavy fur coverings of northern races incompatible with luxuriant hair. It is also difficult to understand what iniurv can result from close cutting, per fir. The growth is in the hair-follicle, and in it alone; there is no vital connection between the hair outside the scalp and within: it is usually cut closest at the back of the head and neck, where baldness never occurs. Would not close cutting rather stimulate the growth by exposure of the scalp? Such at least is the popular belief. So, too, with indoor life; women, who | ought to show it most, whether in the home or in the factory, are never bald as men arc; on the contrary, it is most common with men in good circumstances, as Mr. Eaton's statistics show, men who spend a larger proportion of their daytime in the open air than the indoor worker. I b"lieve the common form of baldness is due'entirely to the kind of hat that is worn, principally to'thc high hat and the hard felt hat, but also to any other headcovering that constrict* the blood-vessels which nourish the hair-bulbs. To have a clearer understanding of this, we must remember that the scalp is supplied with blood by arteries at the back, sides, and front of. and lying close to, the skull, which diminish in size by frequent branching as they converge toward the top of the head. They are in a most favorable uosition to be comnressed, lv in# on unyielding bone and covered by thin tissue. Consider what effect must be produced by a close-fitting, heavy, and rigid hat; its pressure must lessen to a certain extent the flow of arterial blood., and obstruct to a greater extent the return of the venous; the result "being ;i sluggish circulation in the capillaries around the hair follicles and bulbs, a consequent impairment of nutrition, and final atrophy. This pressure is not trivial or imaginary, as any one will admit who has noticed the red band of congestion on the forehead when a hard hat is removed after moderate exercise.? Popular Science Monthly. He Sqnared the Account. No Montanian can have forgotten how at a dinner party one day Governor Green Clay Smith and a party of friends nwe and left the room when tfieaier was rening one of bis yarns, thus intimating to him that it was a "chestnut." Biedler bided his time. Several days later (he was the High Sheriff) he sent an invitation to the Governor and his friends to visit the jail and inspect the horse-thtef lately captured. They came, much elated Biedlcr admitted them into the cage and then drew the bolts on thern, ana they were locked in. "Now, gentlemen," suys Biedler, 'Tm going to dinner, but when I return I'll finish that story I b'gan to tell you the other day." Off he went to dinner and left them there, lie was gone two hours, and when he jjot back it took another hour to finish his tale. Then he set them free, and they owned up that he had squared the account. ?9?. Pind Pionftr Prens. Descending Wells. M. Grchaut read a paper recently before the Paris Biologiool Society on "The prevention of accidents by suffocation while descending wells." Aftor referring to thi* cause of the suffocation, namely, carbonic acid gas and the well known />Yru.dinnt of first lowering an animal into the well, he gave the following directions for ventilation: A stovepipe ten or twelve feet longer than the well is deep is to be secured by wires in the axis of the well: a grate ou which a fire can be built is then to be placed around this pipe at the level of the ground, and a second pipe, larger than the first, is then to be placed upon the grate, with the first pipe inside, and on the grate and between the pipes a fire is to be built. The inner pipe being heated, a current is created, resulting in the ascent of the impure air of the well and i;s replacement bv fresh air from without. Evening Funeral Serv'ces. Evening funeral services are becoming very frequent. It is urged in favor of the growing custom that it affords gentleman opportunities for attendance that they can hardly take during business hours. Besides this great convenience distressing scenes of parting with tne j dead loved arc kept from the gaze of the I curious and unsympathetic. Upon the score of economy, too. it is to be commanded. The remains are kept over night and the next morning they are unostentatiously removed to the place of burial, followed by only a few carriages with the nearest relatives and family intimates. And carriage hire is a prominent item in an undertaker's bill. From Harlem to Greenwood the price for a coach is $10.?Xe>r York Time*. Spiller's Exploits. John Spiller. of Crawford county, was in Macon, Ga., the other day, and told some of lii-> army exploits over again. Spiller is the man wlio tired 1 he last ifiin J in Lei's jinny before that' war-worn hand laid down their arms at Appomattox. In speaking of Gettysburg, he said that he ran out a distance of twenty feet in front of the lines while the iron hail was darkening the air. and rescued a stand of colors in that great battle. One of hi? most remarkable exploits was when he was sent to carry a message to Judge Simmons on the field at Fredericksburg. ,;I tell you what," said lit?. "Idid some tall dodging that day. and 1*11 be dogged if I didn't jump at least a hundred cannon balls that were ricocheting along the ground."?Atlanta Conititvtion. 18S0, R. T. Leonard, Hamburg, Pa., wrote: "JIad s-evere inflammatory rheamathm for '.\eekr a few applications of St. Jacobs Oil cured me.v Oct. 19, ItfSfi, he writes: "Confirm my sfulMn-nt; was entirely cured." I'rice fifty cent6. Sold by ]lr::K ists. .Trxo, the husrc dromedary which for a number of years in the \V< ortward <>ard<sns in San Francisco has been the rliicf at'.raction to the children, who rode her iu throngs. is dead. Sbe was sixty-o.if years old. and left a:i inter- j es.ing infant nearly ? yea-ohl. Mnrk A. Miller. Tiaveling Agent, Ere K.R.. writes: "Suffered witli pIeuro-p.:cunj<raia; one bottle Ked Mir Cough Cure ensured my rceov- j cry." Atdtuggists. I Tilt: sole surviving representative of the rev- j olutiunary wnr is Al?i*-.til s. Tilto , of North \Voodbridge. N. If. Al?s. Tiltnn is now a trifle jnoie than ICXI years old. ller htisb.ind Mcn.i;?niin Steven!", part ieipated in the battle of Bennington. The .Mont KcninrUabli; lliiHiuca* lu the Count rv. Our citizens have obervel roiires in the leading papers, from tiine to time, or a little harmless food plant called Mox.'e, found in South America last year. Its tine taste iisa b.-verage, and ability to restorenervous. weakly women, in a few days and help overworked people of both sexes to do two days'work in one with los? fa igne. have made tiie deiminl so immense that. 5,000,000 Lotties have T>eeuso:d in 17 months- what will the sale in five years be at this rate. A charming village named La Tour, in the department of Ardeehe, in France, has become nninhabitable, owing to the nnmberof crimes, and the people have migrated in n body V; more p.atcfttl regions. ROVAT. GU'B1 mends anything: Broken CM iia. li< ??..?, Wod. ?ee Tin!* ai Drugs & fir. MR - ; ~ 'V ;f: "\rc Russia's wheat crop of 1886 is reported at 198,135,000 bushels, againiit 177,753,300 bushels in 1885, but the quality of the 1886 crop ij* inferior. \Y*accidently overheard the following iliii1 ok tie on the street yesterday: Jo/it*. Smith, wny don't yoa stop that disgusting hawking and spilt'ng? Smt'.ii. How can 1? You kn ;v I am a martyr to catarrh. J. Do ns I did. I had the disease in its wcrst form but I am well now. ?S". What did you do for it? J. I u;el Dr. Saze's Catarrh Remedy. It cured me and it will cure you. C I'.-O honrrl nf 1 and hv .Invn Til trv it. J. Do bo. You'Jl find it at all tlie drug stores In town. A NEW railroad in Mexico uses steel ties, which, it la said, will last 40 years. ?. M. D. Walking down Broadway fs very pleasant when you feel well, iind T K never felt better than when his friend asked him how he got rid of that sevei? cough of h's so speed ly. Ah, my boy," said T . "G. M. D. did it!" And his friend wondered what G. M. D. meant. He knew it did net mean a Good Many Doctois for T K had tried a dozen in vain. "I have It," said he, jn .tliitling the nail on the head, "you mean Dr. Pierre's Golden Medical Discovery,' or Gold Medal Deserved, as my friemt J S always dubs it" Sold by drugglsls. There have been in all 267 Popes ot the Church of Rome. Dr. Pierce's "Favorita Prescription" is the debilitate.! woman's best restorative tonic. The summit of Mont Blanc was first reached by Saussure, August H, 1787. Bronchitis is cured by frequent small doses cf Piso'a Cure for Consumption. COMPOUND ffl This standard preparation has by its peculiar merit and 1M wonderful cures won the confidence of the peop!e and la to day the most popular Nn blood purlfler and spring medicine. ?* If you have made up your mind to buy llool'a Sarsaparllla do not b? induced to take any other. Be aura to get Hood'a Harsaparllla, which is peculiar to Itself. Hood's Sarsaparllla aold by druggists. $1; six for $3. Prepared" by C. L HOOD Jt CO., Lowell, Mau. IOO Poses One Doll a r cockle's anti-bilious pills, THE GBEAT ENGLISH RBJIED Y For Liver, Bile, Indigestion, etc. Free from Kir eury; contains only Pure vegetable Ingredient*. Agent: C. N. CR1TTENTON', New York. El-Y's Catarrh (REAM BALM Cream Balm teas ex hatuied. i tea* trou- WUkyr r\/r p ?, E I bled telth ehronlo ca LSt1' JfjA tarrh, gathering (nib ffM head, difficulty In^tf / breathing and charges front my cart. -C. J. Corftfn,93S hu( St.. PMla. "?? ' A particle Is Applied hk into each nostril and mhAY CFlfF KJ agreeable. Prlc..' 50 c s. * M:.mm Vb|\ ai Drugfrl'ts; bj mall registered. CO cts. Clrcula*3 free. ELY BROTHERS, Drugglste Owego. N.Y. !35MEDALSAWAROEDTOQ H Up Curt* PleurliT, A ? HvRh?a*3?tInn,*Lnmb?jo, Backtcb*, WttkoMi, Golds la ' ( CM. th? elicit soil all Acbc* ti4t)trilaa^jMnn r^?5W55W2HHTSH HP . ioandlnf saoDM. Jik res 4HHT PIastER ITHEBESTIHTHEWDBLnSPARKS FROM THE RAILS. What (he Employee* of the Ctitnl-Hnd* on Railroad have to Say ahout Dr. Pardee'i Remedy. Rochester, May 38, 1986. JF*ard<? Medicine Co: Gexts:?I desire to express to you something of my feelings of gratitude for what your remedy has done for me. For fifteen years I have suffered greatly with neuralgia. At times the pain has been so intense that J death would have been a welcome relief. It affected my eyea to such an extent that for a time I was totally blind and gave up all | hope of recovery, no treatment I could pron#Prtf^inn m? avati temnoriLrv rftliftf. I I bave used Dr. Pardee's Rheumatic Remedy I for several months and to-day I am as well j and om free from all neuralgic pains as when | a boy. Dr. Pardee's Rheumatic Remedy has cured , me and I am positive it will cure any case of i neuralgia or rheumatism, and I shall recom- I mend it to all. I would not again suffer what I have for five thousand dollars. Yours respectfully, D. W. MILLER, | Engineer, N. Y. C. & H. R. R. R. j MORE WORDS OF PRAISE. Mr. Horton Knight, a baggageman on the K. Y. C. k. II. R R R., who reeidee at No. 9 , River dale street, this city, says: "I have been troubled with rheumatism tct | several years. This spring I had a very severs j attack cf inflammatory rheumatism and was I compelled to leave my train. I suffered intense pain. My arm and hand were badly swollen and inflamed. I took various kinds of medicine, but obtained no relief. I was urged to try Dr. Pardee's Remedy, but it wan with |jr?*t reluctance that I did so, aa I had no faith whatever in it. But I am fully convinced from personal experience that it is a positive cure for this dreaded dittease, and I can recommend it aa a remedy worthy tho | confident of all. Am feeling better than 1 j have for t-*i? years, and attribute it pll to Dr. ' Pardee's Rheiiniatic Remedy." Pardee Medicine Co.. Rochtster, N. Y. I J* Ptl Ww ?. m U \) the litntrrt rtr.m. ? IS H Dtl u V> C0Y?r? thn entire rtii P ^ ?1 Jj J\ t? Br*ti'l" trnd'-ni*"!t. ' Why did tl of this country use over i Procter & Gamble's L^nox Buy a cake of Lenox and yoi . EER CURES THE HVORHT PAINS In from tw to twenty nil note*. N?t one hear ""wrA'ttivirA",^0"" BOWEL COMPLAINTS It nill In a few moments, wben taken according to - " send for ni 11 r?M m MM 1 nn. 1 vr. IMPROVED UPRIGHT PIANOS The new mode of piano construction Invented i by Mason & Hamlin in 1882 has been fully proved, j many excellent experts pronouncing it the "great- i est improvement made in pianoe of the century.M i For fall Information, send for Catalogue. ; MASON & HAMLIN OBGAN AND PIANO CO., ! BOSTON, 104 Treaeat Bt. tTXWTOH, 46 Ix*. Hth St AOENT8 WANTED for the LIFE OF ! HENRY WARD BEECHER by THoe. W. Knox. An Authentic eaJ Complete Hktory of bU Life ixd Work from the Cradle to the Grate. Oat. will *11 elhm Will. The BXbT and I'HEAPHT. 8pl?didiy Illustrated. S*U* like wlMSre. DMence no hindrance for ?e mt *k? fr?l?k? ?4 (ire litre Terse. Send for circalej-. Adarau lUfctroaD rt*B. <0., Hertford. Conn. OAK LAWN The Orsst Hvrssry Of PERCHERONH^RSES. ! ? %%? -uKflWanH^ txvUorreoiln tnt PerSieron 8tud Book.. The br*?Ki of Franr? ixmseMiDf? & atud book that nas tnc upport and endorsement of the French Government Send for 120-PMf* CaUloipie, innutritions by B?M Bouh.ur. M, W. DUNHAM, Wayne, DuPage Co?? Hllwoti* DR. HAIR'S ASTHMA sb Has ab.olutely curt*J ten* of thouCUlf t sands. The only Asthma Care end Treatment known to the medical world that will, positively, p-rinanently cure Asthma and liny t'ever, unquestionable evldenc# will be found in nw 64 page Treatise, sent free. DJt. B. W. IIA IK, W. 4th St.. Cincinnati, 0. ~f*%> JONES ( ^ 3HE33 fi^WPAYSthe FREIGHT W I Tod Waisn Scales, Iron Lever,. Steel Bciriof,. Brmu Tare B,m. tad Betm Box for XTcrT ili^olt. For free price U?J ^^TXMRS." mhuob thl, p*per end eddreei L T WTJ V JONES OF BINGHAMTM. ? * BINUHAMTON. N. VSI000REWARD JBt>tHE VICTOR KEWARC i HACHUtE CO- Ctlaib?, 0. fa- Br. Horn-, HiftnUwm, B4. M CURES WHEIE All ELSC FAlTsr^T^P IB Beat Cough Syrup. Tastes good. Um H IM In time. Sold by druggist* |R| utngvl'Tbe Vorrmponrtent, nu Jii-imgc mSnnl pnpri'i devoted to inarrla/e. contnin ubc.it 500 request* In o u-bltwue for correspondent<. | No ohar/efor advertising. .Moiled 4 months for !0c. silver. Address The Correspondent, Cincinnati, 0. RBI l*A I nK- WILLIAMS* PILES ' ,nd'an p"0 Ointment I luaaw# will euro any case of Itch* I Ins. Bleed in if. I'lccrnted or l'rolrudiug PiU'K. CURE <? I' A It A NT EE D. Prepared for Flies only. [ Physicians' jar* by express, prepaid, S'i.SO.J rrlce per box. 50c. ami 91. Bold bv druggists or mailed on receipt of price by the WILLIAMS >IF'(; CO.. Cleveland. Ohio. One Agent (Merchant only) wanted In every town for \w believe your "TanslU's Hunch" .Vcent cigar to be the bept In America for the money. W. D. Sewki.l4 Co., Juniata, Neb. "Tanslli's ruiioh" Is tl-e best 5c. cigar In the market. u. w. tow.vskxd, w muiimiuiu, kuuvuu AMwu K. W. TANSILL & CO., Chicago. | HIKES' ni PROVED ltOOT BEER PACK ; AGES. 'i.lo. Makes 5 gallons of a delicious ! sparkling temperance beverage, strengthens and j purlfles the blood. Its purity and delicacy of flavor I commend it to a'l. Sold everywhere. 'I'K Y IT. i Regulate b?w*i* & Purify Biood. Dr. iuir.rs ! Blood Granules, a6J.; 6 boxes, 81. ().' drugg.sts : or by wall, prepaid. Dk. Baird, WvMtlnjton, N. J. ! n to Soldiers & Heirs. Send stamp > poneinnc cm^ar*. col. i. binc : I GlJdlUild Att'y, Washington. 1>. 0 ! AP toSSn day. Sample* worth $1.51 KRE3 JJnes not under the hor<e'a feet. Addresi WW HiitwtTEr.'s Safety Rkis Hoi.dci:, Holly, ilich M A T" C IV) T C Obtained. Ki-n.l -stump tor ! IIA I & lo I O Inventor*'iiulile. L. fii.Mi i i ha*, I'll ?nt Law/ ?r Wa n n ;t >a ii 0. ^rsUlV I mail or poriomUly. JCKKSta VMfMMd w?.'ivrroof, ?nd *111 kfp jou dry In Th? POMMH. 5U(?B l? a r'rf?t ridins ccc;, and die. K?nrw??f mlLirUxm. Xiutgrrinhie without tint "Flih Illoatril^J ra:alok-w? rrw. A J. Tower, ISuilon, mwaggaaa ii iiim wm n iwwy ip Women thirteen million cakes of Soap in 1886 ? I 1 will soon understand why. Diarrhoea, Dysentery. Colic.'Wind in the Bowel* and all other Internal Pains. * MALARIA IN ITS VARIOUS FORMS CURED AND PREVENTED. ' " There Ik not a remedial scent in the world that will cure Fever and Ague and all other MalariotuL : Bilious and other fevers, aided by It A D WA ITS PILLS, ho quick a* RADWAY'8 READY RELIEF. , R R R not only cures the patient seked with Ka larla, but If people expose i to the Malarial poteoa will ever/ morning take 20 r 30 drops of Ready Relief in water, and eat, say a cracker, before sola* ' - - tS out, theyVill prevent attacks. f'A It instantly relieves and soon cures Colds. Son Throat, Bronchitis, Pleurisy. Stilt Neck, all Conge*- ' 33 tlons and Inflammations, whether of the Lungs, Kid- -C! neys or Bowels, RHEUMATISM, NEURALGIA, Headache, Toothache,Weakness or Pain in the Back J , .js&J Chest or Limbs by one application. Fifty cents per bottle. Mold by drinim. DR. RADWAY'8 SARSAPARHLI&K RESOLVES!! The Great Blood Furifter, For cure of aU chronic diseases, Scrofula, Bloot . Taints. Syphilitic Complaint*, Consumption, Olaad- 33 ular Disease, Ulcere, Chronlo RneumatUm, Erysipelas, Kidney, Bladder and Llrer Complaint*. Onpepsla, Affections of the Lungs and Tliroat, pumsi the Blood, restoring health and vljot Sold by DroKBl?t"> 91 per Bottle. RAD WAY'S PILLS The Great Liver and Stomach Rem >1/ For the cure of all disorder* of the Stomnch, Ursr. " *? Bowels. Kidneve. Bladder, Nervous Diseases. FVoalo ag Complaints. Ltss of Appetite, Headache, Co**ttpatlon. Costiveness, Indigestion, Biliousness, Ferer, Inflammation of the Bowels, PUsi and all deranxsmenUof the Iutornal Viscera. Purely vegetable, oo?> taining no mercury, mineral! or deleterions drugs. PERFECT DIGESTION bytakLgowTofRlSJ , way's Pill* every morning, aoout iu o cioot, as a um ner pill. By so doing SICK HEADACHEr?" 1 Dyspepsia, Foul Stomach. Biliousness will b? avoided, ' V'il and the food that Is eaten contributes lta nourishing ? properties for the support of the natural waste M the body. \ pr~Observe the following symptoms r. suiting froa * disease of the Digestive Organs: Constipation. Inward Piles, ill linens of the Blood In the Bead, Acidity at the Stomach, Namei, Heartburn, Disgust of Food. Fullness or weight In the Stomach, Sour Eructation* Sinking or Fluttering of the Heart, Choking or Suffo .. ' eating Sensations when In a lying posture, DlmneMof Vision, Dots or Webs before the Bight, Fever and Doll Pain In the Head, Deficiency of Perspiration, Yellownews of the Skin and Eyes,Pain In the Slde.Chest,Lftubi . ' ' '& and Kodden Flushes of Heat, Burning in the F esh. . - .vg A few doses of RADWAY'K PILLH wt.l tr* the system of all the above named dlsoiflers. Price 25 cents per box. Bold by all drnggtsta. jSS VSend a letter stamp to DR. RAD WAY Ji CO., No. 32 Warren Street, New York, for 'Our Book of Advice. >;y*v3gi *.' BE 8URK TO GET RAPWAY'K. K T X U-17 . Gu In time. Sold by druggist?. Si MB I || |1" '"qi I F0RH0BSE8. 1 |j I Uvilla, W.Va., ) | I Nov. 17, 1886. j B I Recently I bought a I "!3 | young horse. He was g. monia. I tried .to think I of something to relieve I him. Concluded what I was good for man would be good for the horse. I So I got a bottle of Piso's H Cure and gave him half E of it through the nos- I trils. This helped him, I and I continued giving H same doses night and 1 morning until I had used two bottles. The horse has become per- I fectly sound. I can re- B commend Piso's Cure for the horse as well u for I ? - 1 N. S. J. Stridir. i M Best Cough Syrup. Tastes good. Um B (2 In time. Sold by druggists. Bl WTLTDOUGLAS $3 SHOE. The b*nt S3 Shoe In the F;/ , ,'J world. Best m*terlal,stylUh, ?7 flSm ] perfectfltrCon^ress, Button /f/ jBKY ^8 I or Lace ;ali styles toe.Eonals fJ/ ISV .im ( any $& or %4 Shoe. Cosu (SyQ ? ? 8!?5<?.Sl^>e equals M Shees advertised bj otb? Amis. Boys all wear W. L. Doujrlas' 82 Shoe, ? > ;7 teare offraud. Sont genuine unlet* name and prut are stamped on bottom of each Shoe. _ W.L. DOUGLAS, Hrockton. Mim. In Hats, those vttk ?onr Trademirk. . V: "Hill's Own," is ^WnHiTTTTO'M seasonable t ok)?* _WBHa*MMl?^. Always tb? Bro*ABBS "um 1)6 'n rt-v,e fcy "* HnHMQMp|H||^ log rour Hatter U be has our Pla?ea sad Price lists. II DILL'S OWN. not, wait whila ks writes to us. HILL BROTHERS, 504 dc 566 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. Hats, Caps and Straw Coods, at whoUtale only. ' fcSi v. Percheron / iffrrfci Horses. / inrgr and compleU / htookof Imported sJalr lions and mares, of alt i JMRB axes. 0v? r ITS priiea I awarded my hpr-irs Ik I four years. stalllonaxuaraiiteedbreod its. Fiill-l !<>o1 stock \ IV./I r<!ttl vr.tn poajgreo V in Per.-heron stud ^'yC^S. \ ix>okv I guarantee u ^11 umn-iaa stork u low or lower than any Importer In the U. 3. Station Enslnoro, on Soutlierm Central It R. JOHN >* .AKIN. 1'. O. Itox 36. frglplo V \ ._ jb ja MtL. Reward tor ?ay S1000?:if ^777tul or Phyairai We.muem that lComnU N i rv ? Bit tor* fall to cur.. 30r. Herb StedldM Co.. f. N. Iltli St.. Phl a.. Pa. Sold by all Drugirt-.f. EXHiySTED VITALITY | k Great Med.'ci! Work for Young and MiddlO'Acei Men. '? SHOW THYSELF.M$m | PI'KI.ISITr.D by I bo I'EABOOY MP.DICA I. INsTITI'TI'., No. 4 Itulllinoli Sr., IJoMiut. W.1I. It. IMKKKIf, .11. f>., Consu ihik t'liytli-Un. than one mltilo'i .yita old. It iivau up>m Scrvou* an J 1'liYnlcal L'ealMtj. Preixamri' Decline. Exliaiieird VJiaUty, IpipMrM I Vit?or. nasi luipuritie- of tit- lilooJ, una tli- untold mr^er o.' conscijurnt tiicrt'on. Con:a u* 3u? pas'*. gul.sianual cmfioss d liliflln;. full jjili. Warnmrod the 0"?'. popular treatise published in tl>? Knrlihli !.tn?.iuire. Frier only 81 by mall, ponpjHt. and eoneca'ed In a plain wrapper. IUuslratii ? tiimplt frrr if you tld now. Addreli a; abort Ail (in- IhiJ J Hitter, ;~j| nMiiu Ilablt Currd. Treatment >oucon irial UriUnt HUMANE KKMEUY CO.. Lafayette, lit 1. fEL ECRAPHI '3 M m . X ,< - y -? /!"' Jr^y ' - $> fc',i*-v /-v. iJ' Fortune'* Favorite* Are thcti who court fortune?thoje who are always looking out for mil invet gating the opportunit es that, are offered. Send youi addie s to Hallett & C o., Portland, Ma ne, and they will mail you free, full pariiculars about work that you can do while living at home, wherever y >u are lcc ited. and earn 1 rom $51 o $25 per day and upwards. Capital not lequired. Yo i are started free. Both sexes All i ges. .Some have earned over $50 in a single day. All is new. Suffering Womanhood. TVn^ ,.o?nr>f Ko rvinria brine to the attention of suffering womanhood teh great value of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound as a remedy for the diseases of women. Such an one is the wife of General Barringer, of Winston, N. C., and w? quote from the General's letter as follows: "Dear Mrs. Pinkham: Pleace allow me to add ray testimony to the most excellent medicinal qualities of your Vegetable Compound. Mrs. Barringer was treated for several years for wbat the physician called Leucorrhoea and Prolapsus Uteri combined. I sent her to Richmond, Va., where she remained for six months under the treatment of an eminent physician without any permanent benefit. She was induced to try your medicine, and after a reasonable time commenced to improve and is now able to attend to her business and considers herself fully relieved [General Barringer is the proprietor of the American Hotel, Winston, N. C., and is widely known.]