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~rv ' p> "budget of fun. HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. I A Case of Necessity?Times Have k Changed?No Sign ofSweet|T ness?"Why a Calf is For Sale, Etc. Minister (to boy who is digging for worms): "Little boy don't you knowthat it is wrong to work on Sunday, exrcept in cases of necessity?" Boy (going on with his digging): "This is a case of necessity. A feller can't go fishin' 'thout bait."?Siftinga. Times Have Changed. Anxious Daughter?"Mother, did papa have his salary increased when he was married?" I Omaha Matron?"No, my child." "I don't suppose he had any money eaved up, did he!" "Not a penny. lie spent all he earned." "Did you get along comfortably?'' "We were very happy." r f'Well, you know, George hasn't been r able to save a cent, but"? "See here, if that poverty-stricken fellow dare to show his face here again I'll get your father to kick him out!"?Omaha World. No Sign of Sweetness. "There is a young man in the parlor wishes to see you. miss," remarked the hall door attendant at a downtown residence. "Did he bring anything with him?any box or parcel?" "Only a cane, miss." "Did his coat tail rattle when he walked, as if there was a package of candy in his pocket?" ! "Nothing of the sort, miss." "Then tell him I've gone to visit a sick friend and won't be home for a week," , replied the fair girl, falling back into a 1 horizontal position, and resuming her perusal of "Truth Stranger than Fic- J tion; or, The Liar Unmasked."?Clinton \ [Bugle. Whv a Calf is For Sale. A few days ago Mr Jones was away on , business and in his abscnce his better half, Mrs. J., bethought herself of something i that would agreeably surprise Mr. Jones j and make him smile real broad when he 1 came back. What did she do '< She bougfrt ; a calf. Did you ever see or know the t woman who, when she allowed her fancies ] to roam over things of comfort, didn't < dream of a cow and plenty of milk and butter and cream? She thought of the 3 satisfaction that Jones would have when , once again it would come around time to pay the milkman. She was as pleased as i Eleased can be when she saw the calf \ 1 his stall and tied up. j That night Jones was not apprised of the new member of the establishment, i The next morning lie was. Going into < the barn he saw a calf's tail whisking in f the frosty air. He saw also the remnants j of a $40 harness, he saw a colt, shorn of ( that rarest element of bcanty in a horse, \ viz.: a flowing tail?gone the same way { as the harness and a bushel of oats. ] Jones was mad. He says that at first he was mystified. Then he saw the calf. \ The way that he sailed into that calf, ] with a club, he says, was a caution to ; evil-doers. He danced around her, for- , ward and back, grand right and left, ] balance to partners, all promenade. He > was getting proud of himself. He was ] spitting on his hands to give the animal the final coup de grace when Mrs. Jones came out, and, like Pocahontas, interceded with the man and the club and the calf's life was saved. Mr. Jones says that 1 now, on the fence at his house, appears * this sign: j * " Calf for sale. "Warranted to chew !1 railroad iron. J. Jones.?Lciciston (Me.) 1 Jorrml. j J He Had Been in State Prison. s A stranger entered an Austin saloon the 1 j other evening, and after scowling at the J < half-dozen sitters who were gathered ' j there, he said: "Would you gentlemen object to tak- j ing a drink with a man what's been in 1 : ?ricAn | WWIIV I'i JJVUl I ^ He was a big, muscular fellow, with a j bad eye in his head, and he rested his L left elbow sort of careless on the bar, fac- ^ m ing the crowd, his right hand reached playfully for his hip pocket. All jumped quickly to their feet at the invitation and advanced toward the j bar, exclaiming iu chorus: "Certainly not, stranger!" * "I'm prolid to drink with you," said the foremost man, grasping him warmly by the hand. "I don't think any less of ^ ( of a man because lie has been in State prison. In fact, I've served seven years in one myself." "I have broke jail in three States," ( said another; "yet I am t proud. Give us , your hand." "I have never been in State prison," re- ' marked a third, "but I don't know how , my case may turn out when they get , through with it up to the Court House. - jx iooks preuy squuuy." "I believe in giving n man a chance," , said a fourth. "I've got a brother in the ! Louisiana penitentiary, and I wouldn't like to see folks give him the cold shoulder when he comes out." "Many an innocent man goes to pris- \ on," remarked a fifth man. "I would be there myself, I reckon, if the State's , chief witness hadn't up and died just before the case came on. It was a close call, ! I tell you." "Well," said the stranger, "since you seem to be such a hard lot by your own confession, I retire my invitation. I him; been in State prison for several years, not as prisoner, but as prison superintendent. I will see you later, no doubt," and paying for his single drink he departed,leaving an inconsolable crowd behind.?Texas Si/tings. Bill Nye on Etiquette. "Whenever I am invited to any large doings where fair women and brave men in their other clothes are apt to congregate, I always inquire if there is to be any etiquette there. The presence of etiquette at an otherwise happy gathering has frequeutlv debarred inc from attending, and compelled me to spend the evening with my family, where I could lay aside all restraint and my coat. So, the life of a President, fraught as it is with the most virulent and malignant form of etiquette, would possess no ; charms for me, and I am not surprised that the boys of America refuse to ii;o as one man and be President, fearing very natuially that some time at a Sta'e dinner they might get the great men mixed up aud the error telegraphed and cabled right and left,, or at some other official festival and hurrah to a plenipotentiary the wrong place might be assigned to the delegate-at-large from Farther India, and the wife of the clergyman from Sweden p- find herself drinking from the mustache cup that properly belonged to the minister from Nova Scotia. I am sure I am not pessimistic or any r \ thing of that kind when I Bay that etiquette is destined to make itself so prominent as a part of official life at Washington that a plain American citizen, with a small bag of sulphur tied around his neck and a consciousness of rectitude in his heart and a smooth potato in his pockflfc to keep off rheumatism, will be seen there no. more. ' Other nations have given themselves over to the false joys of etiquette and where are they to-day? Empires, powers, and principalities have in former times forgotten their duty to the common people in order that they might devote themselves to the R. S. V. P. and P. P. C. Kncinocc nr that, thov miffht work a VWk/4t4VW) V* ?- - -?'J ? # wedge of custard pie under a big rea mustache by means of a four-tined fork, and where are they now? Other and more democratic nations, who drank their tea from a saucer with great satisfaction and low, purring sound, have conquered them.?Ch icago Nats. Germany's Fighting Strength. Military service is compulsory upon all Germans. The term of liability begins at the age of twenty, and lasts for twelve years, at the expiration of which the soldier passes into the Landsturm, and remains still available, in exceptionable circumstances, up to the age of forty-two. , He spends only his first three years with the colors. The next four he spends in the reserve; and for yet another five years he belongs to the Landwehr. This system provides the empire with a peace eifectivc of about 445,000 men ana officers. The army is organized into army corps, of which there are normally seven teen. There is, in andition, the Corps of the Guard, having its headquarters in Berlin; and there are also twenty battalions of Rifles and several independent cavalry divisions, -which, in time of war, would be attached to the various "armies,'* each consisting of two or more corps. Every army corps is divided into two divisions, each of two infantry brigades, each of two regiments, each of three battalions; and to every division ' are attached a regiment of cavalry, four mounted batteries of artillery, one or two . companies of engineers, a pontoon train, and ammunition and provision columnsThe ordinary strength of an army corps is: infantry 25,456 men, with 1,172 horses; cavalry, 1,594 men,with 1,760 horses; ar- t tillery, 1,360 men, with 1,200 horses and 48 guns; engineers (if four companies), | 860 men, with 76 horses; train, etc., say 600men, with 600 horses; total, 29,970 , men, with 4,808 horses and 48 guns. The total war strength of the army corps is 37,189 men, with 10,617 horses, 98 guns, 1 and 1,531 carriages. The seventeen mo- ] bilized armv corns would therefore in- 1 elude 632,123 men, with 180,489 hprses, I 1,632 guns, and 26,027 carnages. The va- , 1 rious unattachcd ' .-oops would bring the ) sffective men and officers up to 828,980, i with 260,978 horses, 2,846 guns, and 32,- i 316 carriages. These figures represent i the total of the first line of the active army in war time. The reserve field troops 1 would number in addition 436,766 men, * with 95,350 horses, 1,002 guns, and 13,- i 595 carriages, making with the first line ? in active total of 1,265,476 men, with 1 365,328 horses, 3,848, guns, and 45,711 < carriages. Behind this mass of men stands ;he garrison army, composed of the depot 1 md garrison troops, and a portion of the < Landsturm called out to replace the Land- f ivehr in the field. This, according to of- j icial estimate, has a strength of 809,817 l nen, with 40,340 horses, 576 guns, and < 1,225 carriages. It may thus be said that, without calling out the whole of the ] Landsturm Germany can command 2,075-, ( >63 men for the defence of the Father- < and.?London News. \ C Last of the Buffalo. I It is a sad thing to say, but the great 1 American bison is praeticelly gone former, writes William T. Horuaday. The t Pacific Railroad, the Sharps rifle, and t nan's insatiable destructiveness have done s heir work, and the noblest ruminant of c hem all has gone down before them. 1 Fhe leaden hail of the breech-loader has f ;wept the millions of buffaloes from the c 'ace of the earth before a single strong land has been raised to stop the merciless f slaughter. - To look back upon the buffa- \ oes as they were a few years ago only ( tdds to our regret l'or their fate; but it . nay serve to poiut a moral very strongly ; n the direction oi our few remaining elk, s leer, antelope and mountain sheep. ^ Elere, then is the history, in brief, of the t extermination of our grandest and most valuable American mammal: Twenty jears ago buffaloes swarmed in :ountlcss thousands over the whole of the ( jreat pasture region of the West?from j ;he Saskatchawan to southern Texas, aud ( eastward from the Rocky Mountains to ? ;he border of civilization. Their number i >vns estimated variously at f?om six to ten t nillions, and later figures have proven j , :hat the former was by no means over the J ictuul fact. Within the memory of man jr the limits of history, so far as I know, ] ao other species of quadruped has ever r jxisied on the earth in such mighty multi- i ^udts as did Bos Americanus twenty years j Jgo^ Often and often have plainsmen j said to me, in speaking of former times: "The whole country was literary black T with buffaloes as far as the eye could see! Every hill was covered and every hollow was full." There were thousands of square miles of them, and when a big herd was encountered traveling it seemed actually interminable. One that I knew of wa.? five hours in passing a given point in i solid column, ten to twenty abreast," on a dead run." Trains on the first railway built arrc-s the ptaics were sometimes slopped for hours at a time by thousands of buH'aloes swarming on the track, and travelers have gone over o bundled and twenty miles of territory 'h.-ough an almost unbroken herd. In all that we have read of the marvelous abundance of wild animals on the plains of South Central r Africa, even the mcst exaggerated ac- | counts fall far below what we actuslly . know of the presence of the buffalo in ] the United States. (Jueen Victoria's Coach. Messrs. Holmes, ccsebmakc-s of Derby, ] have just renovated a state cc;ch belonging to the queen. It is one of the , queen's six dress styte ccaelies, and has < been made nearly equal to new for use j during the jubilee year. It is an cxcecd- i ingly handsome vcl.ielc. The armorial j bearings are of gold, as well cs the door j handles and the crest and Order of St. George on the roof. The carriage is 1 painted vvnnillicn. picked o.t with gold, and the springs ami all the iron work arc o jit. The doors oad the back and front :irc ornamented wim ii!c royal arms, and tlie smaller parts have rcp-esentations upon them of the c-.wn and gerter and the Order of St. Gecrgc. The coach is ( lined with blue silk, and 4,000 leaves of . gold hrve been u?cd in the decoration? C'j *rl Jo.mud. All He Had. ; So saintlike, so divine he seemed, With features formed in blandest mold, ( Good name a jewel bright he deem'd Worth more than gems of sordid gold; He needed lielp; h's note he drew, To serve a samt I felt: jght glad; i But when, a'.as! that note was due, His goodly name was all he had. ?Detroit Fret Press. ^ f HOUSEHOLD MATTERS. Recipes. Stewed Eels.?Skin and clean, removing all the fat from the inside; cut into pieces less than two inches long; stew slowly in cold salted water enough to cover them, for one hour. Add then one tablcspoonful of flour, rubbed smooth in cold water. Stir till it thickens well. Serve hot in a covered dish. Ham and Eggs.?Fry the ham quickly, having previously soaked it for a little while in cold water. Place on a platter.. Drop into this hot fat, eggs from a saucer, so as not to break them. Let them cook slowly, by dipping the hot fat over them, j Lay each one, as done, on the slices of ham. Garnish with parsley, and serve at once. Fried Hastt Pudding.?Fried hasty pudding, hominy or oatmeal should be boiled the day before, and set away in a wet pan to stiffen. A deep, square pan is the best. Cut in half-inch slices and fry in lard or beef dripping until brown. The corn meal will take fully half an I hour to brown. Serve hot with syrup or molasses. Dutch Cream Toast.?Take the re- I mainder of some cooked ham, remove all I fat and dry in the oven until it will grate j like cheese. Make some buttered toast and spread with the grated ham. Make a sauce with the yolks of two eggs, a gill and a half of cream, or of milk, with a bit of butter added, heat, stir and pour boiling hot over the toast. Bubble and Speak.?Take from a round of beef, which has been well boiled and cold, two or three slices, amounting to about one pound to one and a half in I crninrVit- two parrots -which have been boiled with the joint, in a cold state, as also the hearts of two boiled cabbages that are cold. Cut the meat into small dice-formed pieces, and chop up the vegetables together; pepper and salt the latter and fry them with the meat in a pan, with a quarter of a pound of sweet butter. When fully done add to the pan in which the ingredients are fried, half a gill of fresh catsup, and serve with mashed potatoes. Useful Hints. Wash the mica of the stove doors with salt and vinegar. To wash silk handkerchiefs, soak them Brst in cold salt and water for ten minutes or longer, then wash out in the same ivater, and iron immediately. Sit down whenever you can find an op- J portunity. Many stand even when preparing vegetables for dinner, a work that 3 much easier performed sitting. Do not attempt to dry calicos and ging lams out of doors at this season of the fear. Freezing causes the colors to fade nore quickly than anything else. "Wash md hang up to dry immediately in gar et or kitchen. You owe it to your children to care for :heir teeth. Examine them to see if they ire coming in straight; if not, consult a eliable dentist. Compel them, if neces- j >ary, to clean their teeth regularly, and ; lave the second teeth filled at the first inlications of decay. The tartar which so generally accumuates at the back of the teeth, forming jften a thick crust, may speedily and effectually be removed by brushing it with i soft brush dipped in fresh flour of i jrimstone. After a few applications the I :artar will crumble away. Never allow the cups, bowls, plates, tnives, spoons, etc., which you use in the lining-room to do service in the kitchen, save the old ones for that purpose, or if rou have just begun housekeeping, buy iome cheaper ones for kitchen use. Any irticle which is used in cooking will not ong be fit for table use. Nothing is more susceptible to injury han the flavor of coffee, and the recepacle in which the beverage is mane hould always be thoroughly scalded and leaned before each making. A porcelainincd pot is much preferable to any othei or coffee-making purposes, because it is asier to keep clean. To brighten and polish nickel-plating ind prevent rust, apply rouge with a litle fresh lard or lard-oil on a wash-leather >r a piece of buckskin. Rub the bright mts, using as little of the rouge and oil is possible: wipe off with a clean rag lightly oiled. Repeat the wiping every lay and the polishing as often as necessary. IIow to Save Drowning People. August aunustrom, a i\cw iora luaun:r of swimming, in a talk with a Sun reporter about his art, said: "A useful bit >f swimming practicc, and one that every iwimmer should perfect himself in is landling in the water a person who canlot swim. To save a drowning person rou must prevent him from taking hold )f you. As you approach him, go under vater, and if he is faced toward you catch lim by the leg's and twirl him around, rhen come up behind him and grasp him jy the collar or the hair at the back of the lead and flop him upon his back. To toe lim ashore, swim upon your back, usi ng four feet and right hand for propulsion, ind drag him after you. If he does turn md try to grasp you, hit him in the stomich with your knee, and hit him hard. [f necessary, punch his head and stun him. Do anything to break his hold if he grabs rou, because if you don't both of you will Irown. " Two little cnaps, tne ltney twins, lbout 7 years old, tumbled from a raft nto deep water at a Brooklyn dock one lay, grappled each other, and sank. I inppened to be near and dived after them n my clothes. At the bottom I found jne holding fast to a pile and the other Ringing to him. I tried to pull them lway, but only sunk myself into the mud with the effort, and had to go up for air. l'he next time I dived to them, caught :hem around their bodies, braced my l'cet igainst the pile, and tore them loose. Before they could get their death grasp 3n me I had a hand in the hair of each ind took them to the surface, and, although they had been under water nearly ten minutes, their lives were saved. "It is of the utmost importance that i swimmer should know what to do in 5uch eases, and just how to tackle drowning people. If he does not go to work the right way he will not only fail to save anybody, but will lose his own life. As m exercise and amusement, swimming will hold its own with any sport, and to l>e prolicient in it a man must be an athlete, but every man and woman should Know now to swim ior sen-preservation. The Wolf and the Goat. A "Wolf one day Discovered a Goat in the loft of his master's barn, where lie could not be got at, and he therefor'.smilingly announced: "I beg pardon for having disturbed you, but I came to say that I have lately reformed. Come down and let's talk it over." "Not this eve!" replied the Goat, as he chewed away at an old pair of overalls. "Then you distrust me?" "Oh, no, no! I'm simply waiting for a Lamb to come along and test the stability of your reformation." Moral :?Few rascals reform except to their own profit.? Detroit Free Pi'cs*. WORSE THAN SMALLPOX. A Great Dancer irtiicb Menace# an Umna- I plci ith Public. j The Brompton Hospital for Consumptives, ! in London, reports that over fifty people j out ever j hundred consumptives, are victims of constipated or inactive kidneys. Consumption is one of our national diseases, and the above report goes to prove what has often been said in our columns during the last eight years, that kidney troubles are not only the cause of more than half the cases of consumption, but of ninety out of every hundred other common diseases. Thoy who have taken this position, made their claims after an elaborate investigation, and their proof that they have discovered a specific for the terrible and stealthy kidney dis- I eases, which have become so prevalent among us, is wise and convincing. "We have recently received from them a fresh supply of their wonderful advertising. They have c hallenged the medi< al profession and science to investigate. They have investigated, and those who are frank have j admitted, the truth of their statements, j They claim that ninety per cent, of diseases I come originally from inactive kidneys; that | these inactive kidneys allow the blood to become filkd with uric acid poison: that this uric acid poison in the blood carries disease through every organ. There is enough uric acid developed in the system within twenty-four hours to kill half a dozen men. This being a scientific fact, it requires only ordinary wisdom to see the effect inactive kidneys must have upon the system. If this poisi n is not removed, it ruins every organ. If the bowels, stomach or liver become inactive, we know it at once, but other organs help them out If the kidneys become constipated and dormant, the warning comes later on, and often when it is too late, because the effects are remote from the kidneys and those organs are not^suspected to te out of order Organs that pre weak and diseased are unable to resist the attacks of this poison, and the disease often takes the form of and is treated as a local afliiction, when in reality the real cause of the trouble was inactive kidneys. Too many medical men of the present day hold what was a fact twenty years ago, that kidney diseaso is incurable, a cording to the medicines authorized by their code. Hence, hotr iimnro thn nritrinnl oaiisa of disease ifc belt, and give their attention to useless treatins of lo.al effects. They dose the patient with quinine, morphine, or with salts and other physics, hoping that thus nature may cure the disease, while the kidneys continue to waste away with inflammation, ulceration and decay, and the victim eventually perishes. The same quantity of blood that passes . through the heart,passes through the kidneys. If the kidneys are diseased, the blood soaks up this disease and takes it all through the system. Hence it is, that the claim is made that Warner's safe cure, the only known specific for kidney diseases, cures SO per cent, of human ailments, because it, and it alone, is able to maintain the natural activity of the kidneys, and to neutralize and remove the uric acid, or kidney poison, as fast as it is formed. If this acid is not re moved, there is inactivity of the kidneys, and there will be produced in the system paralysis, apoplexy, dvspepsia, consumption, heart disease, headache', rheumatism, pneumonia, impotency and all the nameless diseases of delicate women. If the poisonous matter is separated from the blood, as fast as it is formed, these diseases, in a majority of casesi, would not exist. It only requires a particle of small-pox fllAf. V'SIA rlifiOAQA. ATlf) t.hfl poisonous matter from the kidneys, passing all through the system and becoming lodged at different weak points, is equally destructive, although more disguised. If it were possible for us to see into the kidneys, and how quickly the blood passing through them goes to the heart and lungs ana other parts of the system, carrying this deadly virus with it. all would believe without hesitation what has so ofteu been stated in advertisements in these columns, that the kidneys are the most important organs ia the body. They may regard this article as an advertisement and refuse to believe it, but that is a matter over which we have no control. Careful investigation and science itself are proving beyond a doubt that this organ is, in fact, more important than any other in the system as a health regulator, and as such should be closely watched for the least sign of disordered action. A Physician's Experience in Persia. At last, in a remote suburb, we came to the house of the Syud. A ragged fellow, the door-keeper, looked at us superciliously. I followed the guide, though v. I...! lie UilU lancu iu giYc iuc uouui iuuuiuuu to enter. Through the vast house we went?bare enough for a caravanserai, and big enough too. At last we reached an empty room. There was no carpet, no sign of chair or scat. I flung myself upon the raised window ledge, astonished and indignant; for discourtesy is rare indeed in Persia. The guide disappeared; there was a dead siler.ee, only broken by the hum of a wasp or a blue-bottle. Time passed on; and at lcnglh I became impatient, and began to shout at the full pitch of iny voice. Thereupon the guide returned precipitately. "You musn't do that," said he, "you'll wake the lord!" "Please heaven I shall. Hoy! hoy!" The servant's manner changed, and he proceeded to conduct me to the holy man's apartment, a plain room and almost soraiu. me same was poiiiu unuugu m his speech; but he did not rise on his visitor's entrance, nor did he even offer a cushion to the infidel doctor. Now, to stand would be to put myself in the position of a servant or a suppliant; so I flung myself at full length upon the carpets. Hereupon the hoiy man pretended that his want of civility had been unintentional. Then the doctor saw his patient?that is, a piece of her. A young lady thrust a plump arm out from under a large veil. Then, taking care that nought but her lips should be visible, she put out her tongue. A prescription was written and I retired, having been well laughed at by a crowd of veiled women who formed the hadji's seraglio.?St. James's Gazette. _____ I The Milkmen of Naples. In a review of Mr. Lee Meriwether's book, "Tramp Trip," the Cincinnati Commercial- Gazette says: As milk is supplied direct from the cow in Naples, the visitor regards the milkmen as exceptional types of innocence. But mark the discovery of this sharp-eyed observer: "It happened," he relates, "that when I came across my cow-men one day he was milking for an Italian. I was surprised when I saw the Italian suddenly step up and squeeze the cow-man's arm, and still more surprised when, as a result, I saw a stream of water spurt from the cow-man's sleeve. I mentioned this accident to the American Consul, who told me that it was quite a common trick. Cow-men keep a bag of water under their coats, letting it down into the milk through a rubber tube concealed in the sleeve. When detected he shrugs his - ** ? ai n shoulders ana says noimng. A Bad Custom. It is a bad custom when physicians' proscriptions are discontinued by a patient to store away the remnants in viala and boxes. Preparations carefully compounded for special cases and conditions may become absolutely injurious by lapse of t ime, and, under certain circumstances, some artic !cs change their character by being kept in small quanties. There arc a few simple preparations which may be kept in the house, though even of these the fewer kept the better. But of all things injudicious, among the most so is the giving to one person, without medical advice, the medicine prescribed for another. It would seem in some families that the members consider themselves as residuary legatees, entitled to appropriate all the remainders of the doses prescribed for a relative by a physician after his visits are discontinued.? PhiladeljJiia I.edyer. France's War Pigeons. I General Boulangcr, the French War Minister, has recently given prizes to the best trainers of carrier-pigeons in the Department of the Seine. Pigeon-training in France has become a branch of the military service, and plenty of welltrained birds are to be found in the costly and beautiful little establishments that have been built for them. They are furnished with modern improvements and luxuries that vulgar and ignorant pigeons could never appreciate. Among the pigeons now in the possession of the Government are several veterans of the sie??e of Paris, and one am oner them is a genuine old hero. In 1870 this bird was taken up in the Paris baloon. called Niepce, and was captured by the Prussians. Prince Frederick Charles sent hira as a present to his mother, the Princess Charles of Prussia, who put him among her own collection of birds, where he was treated with all possible kindness. But he was a patriot. The bitter bread of exile did not agree with him. He flew away and reached his home in a pigeon-house in the Boulevard Clichy. The owner of this establishment handed him over to the military authorities, and he is now once more in the service of his native country, and doubtless hopes to win additional glory in the future. A Congregation of One. The stories of clergymen who go through the service for one auditor reminds one of a case in Eastern Connecticut. The auditor in this case was a young lady, a member of the clergyman's family. He not only went through the pntirn BPrvir>/? fnr Tipr snle hrmrtit. hut 7 read to her a notice of a change in the time of meeting of the Young Women's Guild, which she had herself handed to him. ? Waterbury American. Natural gas, it is asserted, was used in China long ago in the mechanic arts, being conveyed from natural wells in bamboo pipes and consumed by the aid of terra-cotta burners. Men, such as U. S. Senator Voorhees, of Indiana, are loud in their praiaa of St. Jacobs Oil as an instantaneous euro for rheumatism, BBuralgia, sciatica and other bodily pains. The mummified bodies of five persons?a man, woman and threa children?were recently taken from a cave in the Bad Lands of Dakota by a miner. Scientific men who have teen them say they belong to a race which existed -,000 years ago. Everybody's companion is nobody's friend, but Red Star Cough Cure Is everyt"o ly's friend. Prof. Giothe, of the Brooklyn Board of Health, endorses It as prompt, safe and sure. Price, twenty-five cents a bottle. The Japanese government has sent an official to Norway 10 ttudy the codflsherles, the prepiration of oil, etc., in that country, the object being to develop t hi se industries in Northel n Japan, where large numbers of cod appear at certain seasons. "Nip't in tho Bud!" 8ad to say, many a good th'n? attains to nothing more than a fair beginning. On tho other hand it is a matter for congratulation thai the growth of some evil things may bo also promptly frustrate!. A large proportion of the cases of tho most wide-spread and fatal of diseases?(onsumption?have their inception in nasal catarrh. Dr. Sag 's Catarrh Remedy is pleasant, soothing and effectual. Try it. It Iia3 cured thousands. All druggists. A iiesident of Chester, III., has a pet crow that talks quite as well as any parrot. Nervous debility, in either sex, however induced, speedily, thoroughly and permanently cared- Address, with 10 cents in stamps for reply and book of particulai s. World's Dispensary Medical Association, 003 Main stret, Buffalo. N. Y. Summer hotel men are praying for a big war In Europe to keep people borne. A Printer's Error. Sweet are the uses of adversity, the printer's copy said, but lie set It up. sweet are the uses of advertising. Sweet, indeed, to those who In sickness and suffering have seen the advertisement of bome sovereign remedy, which upon trial has brought them from death's door. "Thebest tiling I ever saw in my paper was the advertisement of Dr. Pierce's 'Golden Medical Eiscovery,'" is again and again the testimony of those who have b?en healed by lit of lung disease, bronchial affections, tumors, tnlcers, liver complaints and the ills to which :flesh is he The annnal i roduct of maple su?ar in the United States is estimated at 40,000,000 pounds. Gold Mines Are very uncertain property: for every paying mine a hundred exist that do no'pay. But if you wr te to Hallett & Co., Portland, Maine, you will receive free, full particulars about Ihair now business, and le irn'how some have :made over $.r0 in a sinirle day at it. You can live at home and earn fJom $5 to $25 and upwards per day wherever you are located. Both sexes; all ages. Capital not required: you aro-startedfree, Fend your address, and all will be proved to you. If you nre suffering from Chronic Cough Bronchitis, Asthma, or Loss of Voice, Dr. Kilmer's Indian Cough Cnre (Consumption Oil) toIIovo mils*If 1 \r?r?mnvA t.hA CAnse and euro. Price 2ac.. 50/and i.OQ. If affl icted with sore eyes use Dr. Isaac Thompson's Eye-water. Druggists sell at 25c. per bottle Royal Glue' mends anything! Broken Chi. na, Glass, Wood. Free Vials at Drugs & Gro If a cough disturbs your pleep, take Piso ' Cure for Consumption and rest well. Spring Medicine Everybody needs and should tako A good sprint Bird cine, for two reasons : 1st. The body Is now mora susceptible to benefit from medicine than at any other season. 2d. Thn Impurities which hare accumulated In the blood should be expelled, and tho system glren ton^ and strength, before the prostrating effects of warm weather are felt Hood's Sarsaparilla Tuthebest spring medicine for everybody, ft purlOps the bloed. It sharpens thj appetite. It tones the digestion. It o?orcorari djblllty, It build* up | (tie whole system. Try It this spring. "Hood'sSarjaparllla gave ms now Ufa and ro stored me to ray wonted heaUhandstrongth."?William J. Clouoh, Til Con, NT. H. Tones and Strengthens "When In the spring I felt all run down and debilitated, I found Hood's Sarsap.irllla Just the modlctne to build me np. My wife also, after much physical prostration, found In Its usonew lift) an J laUIn; benefit, Upon our little girl, who bad been lick with scarlet ferer, Its effect was marvelous, entirely removing the poUon from bar blood an,l restoring her to good health.."?e. O. Stuatton, lwamp>cott, ass. Hood's Sarsaparilla Bold by all druggists. $1; six for $5. Trepared by C. I. HOOD * CO., Apothecaries, Lowell. Mass. | IOO Doses One Dollar J COCKLE'S 1 ANTI-BILIOUS | PILLS, THE QBE AT ENGLISH BEMED Y ( For Llrer, Tile, Indigestion, eto. Free from Mer- I siir.v; contains only )'ur<? Vegetable Ingredients. I igent: (J. N. CltlTTENTO.S, New York. I Why did tY of this country use over tl Procter & Gamble's Lenox S Buy a cake of Lenox and you pSSLTCl I ffnn* Rfnnln# nole?? Don't waste your mnncv on n I ituuprd with tho above i<* absolutely wntrr aiul irind rno m tribb MARE. ask (or tho^FISII BRAND" sl For Weak Women. Mrs, Lydia E. Pinkham, Lynn, Mass.: "Abont the first cf September, ifel, my wife j was taken with uterine hemorrhage. The best styptics the physician could prescribe did not check it and she got more and more enfeebled. She was troubled with Prolapsus Uteri, Leucorrhoea, numbness of the limbs, sickness of the stomach and loss of appetite. I purchased a trial bottle of your Vegetable Compound. She said she could discover a salutary effect rom the first dose. Now she is comparatively free from Prolapsus, stomach's sickness, Rrn- Thn hnmnrrhftTft is verv much better and is less at the regular periods. Her appetite is restored, and her general health and strength are much improved. We feel that we have been wonderfully benefited and our hearts are drawn out in gratitude for the same and in sympathy for other sufferers, for whose sakes we allow our names to be used." C. W. Eato.v, 'ihurston, N. Y. The Compound is put up in Fill, Lozenge and Liquid form. All sold Dy druggists. Tne Pills and Lozenges sent by mail on receipt of price. GOOD NEWS FOB THE AFFLICTED. A Remarkable Cttre f Rheumatism and Catarrh. Baldwinsville, N. Y. Pardee Medicine Co. Gkntlemkn:?About one year ago 1 chilled my blood and was undor tho Doctor's core for about six months when I had a counsel of eight physicians and was given up to die. Soon after, a lady friend came to see me and told me about your great Remedy. She said suo had been cured by it after having the rheumatism seven years, and that her rheumatism was first brought on by a cold. At this time I was suffering severe pain ail through my body and near my heart. The doctors called it only "frozen blood.' Through the persuasion of my friend I procured a bottle. I found some relief. Seeing this 1 procured more and was entirely cured by its use; and what was my surprise and pleasure at finding that I was not only cured of my rheumatism, but the catarrh, which had been troubling me for years and had bocomo very offensive, had entirely left me. Wishing your remedy every success, and thanking you very much for my double cure, I remain, Truly yours, MRS. LUCY BRONSON. Rochestor, N. Y. Gk*ts:?I was confined to my bed with Inflammatory Rhoumntisui for over a week: was Yery liadly aUMctod, suffering from severe pains iu my chest, it wm going to my heart. On Thursday the 15th I commenced using Dr. Pardee's Rheumatic Remedy at y o'clock p. m. , and on Saturday tho 17th, was able to walk all over the house, and have since continued to improve,and take pleasure in recommending it to all who are afflicted with the terrible disease. KDW. B. WILKINS, No. 5 East Maple Street, your druggist for Dr. Pardee's Remedy ond take no other. Price $1 per botllo; six bottles, $-r>. Pardee Medicine Co., Rochester, N. Y. BPWfiS AoulffiST Htftmi iwxrdi ?f Xtdalt In Europe and Ameriau The neatest, quickest, safest an 1 most powerful mm?Hu Irnnwn fnr liholimntlam PleiirUv. Nanrflliria Lumbago, Backache. WeakneM, cold fa the cheS and all ache* and pains. Endorsed by 5.UU0 Physicians and Druggists of the highest repute. Benson's Plasters promptly relieve and cure where other plasters and greasy salves, liniments and lotions, are absolutely useless. Beware of imitations under slm lar sounding names, such as "Capsicum." "Capucln." "Capslclne," as they are utterly worthiest and Intended to deceive. Ask for Bkxso.Vs axo take no others. All druggists. 8EABURY & JOH.VSON, Proprietors, New York. OAKLAWN ? Tho Great Nursery of PER C HERQNJORSES. from France, all recorded with extended pedigrees In the l'ercheron Stud Books. The Percheron is tb? only draft breed of Franco possessing? * ?tud book Itist has the Fupport and endorsement of the French Government. Send for 120-pago Catalogue, Illustrations by Rota Uonhaur. M.W.DUNHAM, Wayne, PuPago Co.. Illinois. Ono Agent (Merchant only) wanted In every town for Your "TansilT* Punch" 5c. cigars aro goine off like hot rakes. I intend that they shall be well advertised. Wm. K. H. Stephenson,, Buffalo, N. Y. Address R. W. TANSILL & CO., Chlcngo. DR. HAIR'S ASTHMA f \ Q p lias absolutely cured tens of thoua f K 1 rr gL sands. The only Asthtna Cure and i ii Treatment known to the medical world that will. Doaltlvelv. Dcrmanentlvcura Ast li ma and Hay tevcr. Unquestionable evidence will be found In my &4pa?e Treatise, sent free. DR. B. W. HAtR, Zii W. 4th St.. Cincinnati, 0. Percheron f Lar^c and complete / stock of imported stalf HebO^B |;ons anil mare3, of all I xfl m| b<"8. Over 175 prizes I i warded my horses m \ gBgHJpa^L four years. All stallions guaranteed brcedits. Full-llool stock \ recorded with pedigree \ in Percheron stud X. w9r books. I guarantee to sell tlrst-clasi stock as low or lower than any Importer In the U. S. Station Knsinore. on Southern Central B. It. J OIIN W. A KIX. ? 1'. O. Hex 36. Sciplo N. Y. n A on James River Va., In Clnrcmont ?s A H WS m Colony. Illustrated i ircuiar free I M H III UJ. K. .UA N (.' 1IA, Ciaroiiiont Vn. DImSm'a DSN a Great English Gout and Diail S rlllSa Rheumatic Remedy. Ovnl llox, *1.00 | round, 50 eta. nnDM3i mi'l Morphine Habit cured In 13 I S SJ| 11 ?M to>iilay<. P.eferto liwi patients cured Ufl I Vlli Inalipart-'. t)K. Mails;!.yuln y. Mich Rh p roS8a day. Samples worth $1.5.) FREE I.ines not under the horde's feet, Addresi Ul ij) blt^watkr'S sakkl'v kkin ilOLDKlt, Holly Mloll PI A T C IVI T C Obtained. Send stamp for J*r% I bit I 9 Inrent-tri'tTiiuio. L. bixj- I 1 ham, Patent Lawyer, \\'u-shiii0Cou, u. C. I I le Women i \irteen million cakes of loap in i SS6 ? will soon understand why. / p PwalerprcofGoat | rnm or rubber coat Tlie FISH BRAND PLICKEF or, and will keep you dry in the hardest storm icicir and take no other. If your Jtorukeoper doe n n n Mnfs jj KM I CURES AND PBEVENT3 1 Colds, Coughs, Sore Throat, Influenza. Broi chltis, Pneumonia, Swelling of the Joints 'm Lumbago, Inflammations, Rheumitism. Neuralgia, Frostbites, Chll- I blains, Headache, Tooth* 9 ache, Asthma. 1 DIFFICULT BREATHING. I CURES THE WORST PAINS Id from nnt to twaaty "J9 minutes. NOT ONE HOUR After re*din* thtf tertisemen t need *ny ono SUFFER WITH PAIN. E Ha?lway?? Hearty Relief In a Sare Oar? fit V-'-Uffil ?T?ry Pain, Sprain*, Brnlnea. Palula Uie Back, Cheat ar I-t,..h?. It waa " u?? Pint mod In the OoU . rjBM PAIN ItBJlEUT 1 | That Instantly stops the mutt excrn rutin* pataa I allavs inflammation, and cures Congestions, whethii I i of the Lungs, 8tomach, Bowels. or other aUndj o? ' '-*** organs, by one Application. J | A half to a teaspoonful in half a tumbler of watst I will in a few minutes cnre Cramps, Spasms, 8oar Stomach, Heartburn, Nervousness, IMBmm - I pick Headache, Diarrhoea, Dysentery. Colic, Flat9- I leDcy, and all internal pains. MALARIA Chills and Fever, Fever ahd ] Ague Conquered. 'M RAD WAY'S READY RELIEF J Not only cures the patient seized with this terrible foe to settlers in newly- ettled districts, where the t J Malaria or Ague exists, but If people exposed to I* I will, every mornln? on getting out of bed, take I twenty or thirty drops of tho Ready Belief la a (lass 31 of water and eat, say. a cracker they will escape at- y -aSB tacks. This must be done before goto'? out 1 There is not a remedial agent tn the world that will cure Feverand Ague and all other MnUriou*.Bllloju - ttgm and other fevers, aided hv RAD WAT'S PHiUi I so quick as RAD WAY'S READY RELIEF J Fifty eenta per bottle. Sold by drai?Utfc_ 1 DR. RADWAY'S (The Only Genuine) . - jjH 0ID0ADAMTTT11I DT?Pm VPOTI OiUlQAIillUbliian lUjOUbllini I 1 The Great Blood Purifier, - ; For cure of all chronic disease*, Scrofula, Bloal { Taints. Syphilitic Complaints, Consumption. Oland- 1 tilar Disease, Ulcers, Chronic Rheumatism. Bryslp- 1 elas. Kidney, Bladder and Liver Complaint*. Dy* ^ pepsla. Affections of the Lanjs and Throat, purldss 11.. 53H the Blood, restoring health and v&ot j Sold by lJrngglwta. &1 per Bottle. DR. RADWAY'S PILLS The Great Liver and Stomach Remady j For the cure of all disorders of the Stomach, Urer. -i-Jam Bowels. Kidnevs. Bladder, Nervous Diseases, Lou at -tall Ap|>etlte, Headache, Coativeneea, Indigestion. BIW ' :3m lonsness, Foyer, Inflammation of the Bowels Pilse I andall derangement* of the Internal Vlsoera. Pare- C/.-<g| It vegetable, containing no mercury, minerals or j deleterlons drugs. ] Price 25 cents per bos. Sold by all druggists, DYSPEPSIA! Dr. Kailway's Fills are a cure fqr this onw v plaint. Thny restore strength to the stomach and v - 7m enable it to perform its functions. The symwtomi of Dyspepsia disappeared with them the liability of -r'-'A the system to contract diseases. Take the medicine ' according to directions, and observe what we uy 19 "False and Truo" respecting diet. ' ' .tW BT Send ? letter stamp to DR. RAD WAT * 'l~\ 29H CO., N?, 33 Warren Street New Yark, foe . J "-False and True." "JS '.'BE SURE TO GET RADWAY'S. j Hatnesville, N. J., ) ] October 15, 1886. } E. T. Hazeltine, Warren, Pa. 'i I was taken with a very j severe cold last Spring, and tried every cure we had in the store, and could 1^ I had our village doctor ' prescribe for me, but kept getting worse. I saw another physician from Port 'T^jW Jervis, N. Y., and he told me he used Piso'a Cure for Consumption in hia.prac- I I bought a bottle, and "'-{regR. before I had taken all of it there was a change for the - I better. Then I got my em ployer to order a o,uantity N of the medicine and keep I it in stock. I took one " :/3? more bottle, and my dough B < ^FRANI/MCKELVY. I JBEMprnmaJi T3CURES WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS. BT M Best Cough Syrup. Tastes good. Uso RJ kd In time. 8old by druggists. HI -,r i ' l U^toT^on 9 II _^^One to Ten years time. . '% U J^Our new plan?available to H^^all, burdensome to none. State amount you can safely use, also , age and occupation. The (system In . --.^*8 Full, with Forms, etc., Free, on re- ^ ceiptof stamp. No postals answered. I I. BUTLER, Sec'y, Bradford Bloolc. Cor. Sixth ?fe Vine. EMHHCIXCIXVATI, omoJBBlilBfl v,*!3g wwaaMB? DR KILMER'S Stop that Cod, Cough, " , IL M b K d &nd Tfckling Jn the Throat ^ f A rrcst that Catarrh,HronAjkjjJA chitist or Asthma. This Remedy relieves cjuick]^ prevents BwUne, Klgh^SwratB AAAAAykBHBH and death from ConiumptUn. ? "7? HrrnnnB tyPrcpared at db. ounttt ." aJcW SrVygF^BkM^JH dispensary. Etnelmmton, N. Y. ,<r Letttisof Inquiry aiuwered. '-"J ^0 Guide to Health (Sent Free). ^AVESY0U^IFE^^8ol^rDrojgUt?^^ I PLASTER."J Aiin Clean and never-falling, ptevareaB 'J " from the virtues of freeh hops, b?l-B ACHES, lama and hemlock guma. Death to ^ bhmmJ oain when applied to bookaoho, kid- y% Bncy pains. rhenm.Mlirm, neuralgia, strains, otifl* j muscles, female v.-eaknees, sore cheat, all sudden, H sharp palnj. Soothes and wonderfully strength ens weak parts. 2Bo., 0 for 11.00 everywhere.? - ,-^jj PIso's Remedy for Catarrh Is the ESS Beat, Easiest to Use, and Cheapest. Bj Headache, Hay Fever, <?c. so cents. Pm nil A B ,,R- WILLIAM*' PjLFS ' Indian Pile Ointment 9 bbBb?? will euro any ease <>r Ireliliis, IHeeiliii!/. J I os* rromiiliiiz INli-s. Cl'ItE lil'A ItAXThKI). 1'ivjiare.l for Piles onlv. iPiivsielatis' j.srs by i-xrross, i,repaid, S4.AO'. j per box. 30i\ nnil ?sf. SoM tv ilrwR^'ists or mailed mi receipt of price by the W'll.Mt ?l F'<J <<>.. fit-vein ml. OUIo. mammm FRAZER axls m ??5aREASE (iftict cue Ucuuiuc. bul*i Lvery\v11er?. * ^4^3 . ? ^ -3,-* PHORTHAW D %HXXonr"^ .1 W^^V^S?/'AV?clCCHlA'pF*EEh?0?fw?tfu<1'^.lic. lilfiSWSSITOOTiiPOra 1 IvoepiiiL' Tci.'ili I't'iicci ninl (iiinm ilcnitliy, ^ H ? to Soldiers &HeiM. Seiui stamp - -* HAS?CBftBIQ :":' ilreulars. cui. 1? liiXW 3 r vSIvIvliw liAil, Att'y, \VasHi.ijjton, i>. y "3 nnilin^l ll:ii>i( ( Triatnieht :eniont'la ? L*riutfj hUMAXl; UKJIKDY CO, Laiajvst.-, In! '? Wr WANT YOU* *U"HMseikH>i ww ^ or woman nnKl oj J profitable employment to represent us in every h county. Salary J75 per month and expenses, or a , arjfe commission on palea If preferred. Uood? stapl*. ^ Srery one buy*. Out 1)1 and oartioilan* Kret- S* V^_ STA^NDAiU) 8ILV1JUVAKE CO . UOSTO.V, MAS* J