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. ........ . . - v % < > '' ' " '." " ''' ' % * ' " - '* - 1 V. ' , M. y--: A ^???MM??W?j???i? '? ?? -T f^jj ABBEVILLE PRESS & BANNER. < BY HUGH WILSON AND H. T. WARDLAW. ABBEVILLE, S. C., WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16. 1881. 41 When I took my place at my desk, I f iras still undecided. And I had reached t 10 decision when, in answer to that c ;entle knock, for which I had waited is I believe no editor ever waited for e vonld-be contributor's knock before, I r igain called " Come." She came in, I ind sinking into the visitor's chair 1 raised her eyes in mnte inquiry to my ; \ ;aee. I searched my brain for some , o foloohrkrwl fcnffATl 1 My Husband. Who took me from my childhood's home i 1 To love me for myself alone, 1 And for my sacrifice atone ? ' My husband! Who gr ambled at the poor beefsteak, i Aim uaue im* oeuer conee mase, And told uu* greater care to take ? My buBband! i Who swore because the baby cried, ^ And to the spare room Quickly hied, "^Wliilo I to quiet, vainly tried ? My husband! Who tore the buttons off his shirt, And said 1 could those ills avert, If I was more on the alert ? My husband! Who bade me rise, the fire to make, While he another nap should take, Although I'd been all night awake ? My husband! j I Who, when I ask for half a crown, Knits up his brows into a frown, And asks me where the other's gone ? My husband! And when I see my mother, dear, Who tric?s my lonely lot to cheer ? ?iio Hays ?iie s ureaoiuuy, areaaiuiiy queer4 My husband! l Who "stays out till late at night, i And then comes home so very tight ( That I nearly die of fright ? My husband! ^ Who breaks the china, slams the door, 1 Leaves all his clothes upon the floor, 0 And swears it's all a dreadful bore ? : My husband! ' I And who do I, for his dear sake, r Of every sacrifice partake, $ Lest I his confidence should shake ? ^ My husband! ^ ?Annie Ellis. \ A POEM BY WINOPM SILVER. < U C I sat in the editorial sanctum (the ! chief was in Europe, and consequently ' i I had twice as much work as usual to 11 do) toiling through a long manuscript, j t and wishing with all my heart that the 1 distinguished writer had seen fit to use ( the familiar letters of the alphabet in- l stead of hieroglyphics of his own indistinctly resembling them, when there : r came a light tap at the door. " Come,' t I called, rather sharply, for I w?,s a little t vexed at being interrupted, and the door opening slowly disclosed a lightly clad t ?much too lightly clad for a cold Janu- j nry day; I saw that at a glance?girlish i figure standing on the threshold. < "Are you the editor?Mr. Gray?" it asked a very sweet, timid voice. t " I am," I replied. " Come in, please." t The girl entered, closed the door, sat 1 down in the chair beside my desk, to < which I motioned, and said never a j? word. I eopid hear her breath coming ! j quickly, as though she were terribly 1 s frightened, and I purposely went on j with the unraveling of the Oriental j characters before me to give her time ? to recover herself; for I remembered 11 with painful distinctness my own first j} call upon an editor (kr >wing intuitively | j this was a first call), when my heart, | ] albeit it was a manly one, thumped | E harder than it ever thumped before 01 < j since. At last I raised mv eyes from i | the paper. My visitor had tiirown back T her veil from which dripped little drops J ( of water?melted snow?and was re- i ( garding me with a wistful, beseeching | [ gaze. In return, I regarded her with one j f of astonishment, for hers was the sweet-1 < est and most heart-touching face I had j E ever seen in my life, and so peculiar in j its beauty that I find it hard to describe I it. Big pathetic light brown eyes, with ! ( glints of gold in them; long bronze- j ] brown lashes; Lair of the palest sun- ; j shine, as though moonlight and sunshine \ had mingled together; slightly parted \ rosy lips, revealing a" glimpse of small 3 white teeth; colorless but pretty rounded ] cheeks; and over all that indescribable f charm of innocenco that is to youthful ; ? beauty, to use old and well-worn similes, | { as the bloom to the peach and the fra- j ( grance to the rose. 1 j " What can I do for von ?" I asked. 1 6pealdng gently enough this time. ; ] " I?have?a?story," stammered the J poor little thing, " which I thought you might? It's my first?and if you t only would?" " I will look over it with pleasure," I; said, as she paused, apparently unable ! from sheer nervousness to go on. " Leave it with me, and I promise to ' give it my earliest attention." ! And as she handed me the roll of j papt-r, I saw she wore no gloves, and her h^nds were red with the cold; but j I also saw they wore as exce ptionally j pretty as her face, with slender tapering ! lingers, and pick shell-like nails. j "It is not written on very nice i paper," she said, rising, as I took the j ( manuscript from her. "I had nothing j x . I)ut scraps of old letter.', and backs of t tirculars and bills; but"?with a gleam of modest pride, and a glance at the ; , hieioglyphics?"I write very plainly,; ?nd it will not take you long to read it. j *j And when may I call for an answer V" j " To-morrow," said I, without a mo- ^ ment's hesitation, though I knew I , * ought to devote all the time I could c spare from my other duties for weeks j to the verv lengthy contribution of the ^ distinguished author. I . " Thank you;" and she flitted away is noiselessly as she had entered. But for the life of me I could not foret her. "Wherever my gaze fell, there !" I beheld those great pathetic eyes, that faint golden hair, those prettily curved j trembling lips. "And she was cold. /1.1 1 I * T 11 -I. 11 t V/oiu: x suouia imnK so?actually ' Rliivering in that thin shawl, while I, j ' great strong fellow?" (looking at my ! heavy overcoat, hanging on the opposito ! 1 wall). "Pshaw! you may stay there 1 to-night." And I actually went home ( without it, as though that would make j1 the poor little girl any warmer, and j * caught a severe cold in consequence, as i I might have known I would. After 1 which ebullition I began the story, and j1 read it through. * j J It was written plainly, that could not ' be denied; in fact, in the way of 1 chirography, it was all that could be ,1 desired; and there were some pretty and ' fairly original ideas in it, and some j \ gleams of a poetic nature; but the plot; was so highly romantic and visionary, ; i and the whole thing so evidently the work of one who had not yet even i' mastered the primer of authorship, that > i .it was impossible to give it a place in the publication of which I was junior1 editor. j! But never did the necessity of saying 1 " No so distress me before, not even when Alvaretta Strawhorn, since known : as the author of ' A Riddle Solved by i a Cimeter," told me that in spite of my rejection of her novelettes, "the laurel ' wreath of fame would encircle her brow ' when I was still groveling, the obscurest of the obscure." I slept but little that night, thinking of it. Something told me it would al- ! most break the girl's heart. Should I . accept- it, pay for it myself, and then i consign it to the waste-basket? No, | that would not do, for she would be anxiously watching for its appearance in print, and bringing more stories meanwhile, for my consideration. "What could I do ? Morning found me undecided. ,1141 1U10VUW\? M 1111 M IV uvivvm , * :lie blow, but those eyes compelled the i :rucli. " I have carefully read your s jtory," I said, "and am sorry to say it arouid not suit our paper." The little t lands went up to the face; the veil < Iropped over them. I heard a stifled >ol?, anJmy heart began to ache. " But liat is no reason, Miss Silver," I con;inued, with assumed cheerfulness, ' 'that, with a few alterations, it should lot suit some other. If you will leave t with me, I will take it home to-night, 1 evise it, and you can try again." The veil was tossed aside and down ame the hands. " Oh, I am so ridicu- j ously afraid of strangers and strange daces!" she said, a wan little smile ; s shining through her tears. " I should lever have dared to come here had I not i g aeard you were one of the kindest of' nen. Is there nothing you can give me a o do, Mr. Gray? I can read the most llegible of writing readily?a talent 11 j nherit from my dear father?and I can ] nnv ranidlv and nlainlv." '"IV "* %t i v Kow, I bail nothing on hand which it j vas absolutely necessary that I should lave copied, but a vision of the poor j hild toiling up dark stairs into cheeress offices, cold and frightened, with hat, in its present form, unsalable story, ose before me, and I determined to ^ nake work for her until I could find her | ? iome easy, permanent employment elsevliere. So I said quickly, as though it v rere the very assistance of all others of T vhich I stood in need, " If you are will-. j ng to accept work of that kind, I can , >mploy you two or three liours a day for j r i month or two, anil you may uegin at ; t rnce." ; t Her eyes sparkled the thanks she did j i iot speak. I bade her lay aside her v lat and shawl, seat herself at the chief's f lesk, and prepare to copy the Chinese-! ' ike characters of the famous author a >ver which I had been puzzling the day | V >efore. She obeyed me with the simplicity of s i child, and was soon bending over her s ask, a flush of pleasure on her cheeks, -v ranscribing quickly and faithfully. r As for me, the sight of that tiny hand j \ raveliug over the paper with wonderful I r jrace and ease, and the clear-cut profile j i Irooping above it, caused some j } srons mistakes in tlie article I was i .1.?/?!? T t?Annirn/l Tin loco ' IUUUI HUlt'U iUl^UlUCO JL itvuivvi WW ivgg , ban seventeen communications during lie week following its publication. ! t The two or tliree hours passed away. ' v she showed me what she had accom-! ^ ilished with pride, accepted payment \ c 'or it with a blush, donned the summer j c iliawl and hat, and tripped away, prom- j c sing to ccme again on the morrow. The j 1 norrow found her punctually at her post, 1 md so did many morrows, and at last ?' he MS. was almost copied, and I had ic jeen unable to find any other employ- ; r nent for my faithful little amanuensis, , o VTeanwhile the child had told me her i i >ad story. Her mother died at her! ? jirth. She had never had any home. j x \? + Viad olTrnvo lived in Vinfirflintr-boTIRftR ! C vith her father, ft schoolteacher, who, !c lying a year ago, left her to the mercy I 8 )f an only relative, a wealthy aunt, j S That aunt?heaven forgive her!?re-1 ^ used to receive her, saying she had . ? 1 children of her own to look after, and j * saw no reason why the girl should jfi lot follow her father's profession." i8 " I tried to," said Winona, " but the J jhildren would not mind me. Minnie | ' \Iinceitt minds me, because she loves ne. I board with Mrs. Minceitt, and ! s ;each Minnie in part payment for my ! r joard. Mrs. Minceitt is not unkind to j r ne; but she is not as kind as she was | T aefore papa died. And papa used to ' say I wrote excellent compositions, and | J ;o I thought, perhaps, I could write | stories for the papers. And I was in- j t luced to come to you first by hearing a j gentleman, a writer, praise you very |1 liglily one day. ' He is one of the j a iindest-hearted fellows in America,' he j I said. But, for all that, I came to your : 8 loor threo days in succession before I! ;ould get courage enough to knock. ' ^ \nd when I did knock on the fourth ! lay, you called ' Come' in such an i f iwfully -ross voice that I came near! i unning away again. And on one of those ] J :hree days, when I was standing out- j I side, vou were laughing and talking i rnntirr lo rl t* T ltnnwl S oil 11 a uuuviovmo J VlUig iMVAJ J. AiU , fou, and saw her. She had the loveli- j * ;st ostrich feather in her hat." ja " And what has become of the story, ' * 'iViuona V" asked I. She had rebelled I igainst " Miss Silver," or even " Miss I kYinona," at an early period of our ac- i juaintarce, on account of my being so ;1 nuch older than she. I was eight-and- j ? wenty, and she ten years younger. 1 " My story "?with a musical laugh? ' which you altered until it was almost! r rour story? I sent it to the Weekly Ro-! v nance Portfolio, and they 'accepted it; '1 ind well they might, for, thanks to j rou, it was very good indeed. And they . lent me a check for it?a very short! heck for such a long story?and there J) t is," pointing to a cloth jacket that j, mnrr liociilo mv nvprr*r>nf " Anil nrm- ' hat you've mentioned the story," she 1 continued, all her old shyness coming j jack again, " I should like to show you ' 0 ?but I am afraid?" i " Nonsense, "Winona, you are not j t ifraid. What is it ?" J " A poem of mine, if it deserves that j j :itle and she pushed a paper across ; 0 :he desk to me. ! ^ I unfolded it, and a really pretty little ! ?oem, which, however, in spite of its prettiness, I found as unsuitable for jur paper as the story had been. After i g reading it, I sat apparently buried in j t :hought, conscious that Winona was j stealing a glance at me every now and j , :hen from under her long lashes, but in j jj eality puzzling my brain, as I had a ! ? i:??i?_i. 6 iuiiiiiru liiiica uciuir, n? i\j wimt lu i ^ Decome of the poor, pretty, frank, in- ? aocent girl, left alone to battle with the T srorld. ( " Bv Jove!" I exclaimed aloud, " its \ too bad." t "Is it bo very bad?" she asked, in 1 faltering tones. > ? "Iwasn't referring to your verses, i Winona. They are very good indeed, j my?I should say Winona." 1 " And you will accept them ?" i I parried the question with another, i En a flash, my heart had been revealed 1 to me. "Winona, will you write a valentine i for me ? I never could do anything in j the way of rhymes myself." ] "I shall be glad to do so," her voice trembling a little. " Is it to be to the J' handsome ostrich feather??I mean to the handsome young lady with the j 1 ostrich feather?" "Perhaps. Take a sheet of paper and j 1 set down in prose what you are to turn ! into poetry. Tell her that the first time i' I saw her my heart owned her for its j i queen; that since that bright and happy : day she has never been absent from my ! i thoughts; that I love her with sincorest I love, and long to hear her say that she loves me." The little maiden grew paler and * paler as she wrote, and when she hnd inished, I saw tlio hands go half way o the saddened face, but fall again in j bedienee to a will-command. " I will write it to-night, and bring it arly t0-m0iT0w," she said, "for to Qorrow is St. Valentine's day." And although I reached the office earier than usual next morning, Winona j ras there before me, looking, poor child, j .8 though she had passed a weary, sleep-j ess night. "I have brought the verses," she j iaid, "and 1 hope von wm iikg tnem. j " I am sure I shall," I replied. " Read j hem to rue, Winona." 'When first by me?Heav'n Mesa the honr! ? | That faco'of beauty rare was seen, That voice was heard, my slumb'ring heart ! Straightway awoke ami owned its queen. ' 'And never can it sloop again, But tilled with love's supreme delight, The lovely image entertain In thoughts bv day, in dreams by night. ' But with thy image can I not Forever, dear, contented be, And so I pray St. Valentine To give thy charming self to me.' " And I hope you'll be very happy," ! aid Winona, choking a rising sol). "But perhaps she won't have me," i aid I. " Won't Lave you?" repeated Winona, j s though such a thing was impossible, j " She might not. But I shall soon :now my fate. Here is an envelope. : Please direct it." Winona waited with uplifted pen. " Miss?Winona?Silver." " Miss Winona Silver !" ) " Miss Winona Silver. You have , written a valentine to yourself." " And you mean it?" " I mean every word of it. If you 1 loubt me, adil' P. S.' in plainest prose. Will you l>e my wife ?'" "I'm the happiest girl in the whole ; rorld," said Winona, "and I'll never rrite another story the longest day I ive." I took her little hands in mine. " You | lever shall, my darling," I said, when ; he office door llew open, and in stalked : he chief. " Mr. Penton?Miss Silver, ; ny intended wife," I hastened to say i rath much discomfiture, it must be con-1 essed. "And now, Winona," I added, j ' run away home, and never come here j gain. I must not be disturbed during ! msiness hours." "Iam glad to see that you have so j trict a sense of the fitness of things," j aid Mr. Penton, with a grim smile, j rhich led me to believe that Mr. War-' en, our scientific editor, whose desk ras at the extreme end of the long oom, had not been as deeply absorbed n his work at times as I had thought i lim to be.?Harper's Weekly, Mistaken. One of the most eloquent members of : he United States Senate, in the dajs ! rhen Clay and Webster were its leaders, i * * ?! /-i Tk 1? -e o i.i. n I ras William v_*. rresiuu, ui ouuiu \jixi- < >lina. Ho was so little given to dan-' lyism that even his wannest admirers ) iceasionally wished that he would fol- j ow the spirit of Polonins' advice, and 1 et his " apparel proclaim the man." ! Ln amusing adventure happened to him ! >nce, in consequence of his unsenatoial appearance. Ho was mistaken for l gambler. He was on board a Misassippi steamer, which then permitted gambling in its cabin as freely as it did vnisky-drinking. This freedom inluced many gamblers to travel up and j town the river. Not unfrequently a j .teamer's cabin was turned into a j gambling "hell," and scores of groenlorns v. ere fleeced. The gamblers generally played the game of faro, the mplements of which they carried in a mall mahogany box. As they bet j igainst all who played they were called | 'bankers,' and their money the; ' bank." Senator Preston was standing on the | teamer's deck, and holding a small; nahogany box. Suddenly a man or- j lately dressed approached him, and j rhispered: " I say, old feller, when are you j joing to uegm r "liegin wliat, sir?" asked the as-! onished Senator. "Pshaw, none of that gammon with oe ! A few of us boys are on board .nd we want a little fun. We won't >ile it on too strong, so come along ; ,nd open at once." "Really, sir, I don't understand you. | )pen what ?" "Open what? Why, the bank, of :ourse. Maybe you think our pile; sn't large enough to make it an object. Jut we are not so poor as you may sup>ose." The senator was at a loss to undertand what was meant, and his counenance expressed his perplexity, After . , considerable pause the stranger coninued: " Perhaps you will say that you're not: i sporting man." " I am certainly nothing of the kind," ! eplied the now angry senator, "and I: :an't imagine what put such an idea nto your head." " "Vnf. n. ? cnnrb'nrr.ninn ?' Tf vnn'rp ~ ~A D " -- J t lot, why do you carry the tools about! vith you!" and the man pointed to the | aahogany box. The light which broke into the sen | .tor's mind caused him to langh heart- ! ly. " Ah, yes ! A very natural mistake, ; ndeed?very natural," he exclaimed, j ' I'll show you the contents of my ma-1 logany box." Opening it, be displayed the contents ! >f a dressing-case?razors, brushes, j onibs, soap and other toilet articles. The man looked at the box, and then j harply at the senator, and said: " I j ook yon for a Bporting gentleman, but j 1 see you're nothing but a barber. If j M known it I wouldn't spoke to you!" i .nd he moved off, looking as if he had ; >een abused. Ail Emphatic Witness. Alick Thompson, of Virginia, tells a tory illustrative of the peculiar veraacilar of the people among whom he was jorn, and of their special capacity for jiving evidence in a court of justice in i compact, accurate and picturesque itylc. Some time ago ho chanced to be ,'isiting at a county seat in Virginia, | md was courteously invited by the com-1 nonwealth's attorney to como into the j :ourt-room on tho following morning, j vith tho assurance that a witness would ' estify in a murder case then pending. Ete entered the court-room, and speedily ifter his arrival a witness was called, #lio advanced to the stand with such a aunty air of self-assurance, and who kissed tho book with such loud-soundng confidence, that he was sure this < nust be "his man." His judgment was j lot incorrect. " Mr. Williamson," asked tho comnonwealth's attorney, "do you know | anything of the killing which took I place at Robertson's store last month ?" j " Know anything!" was the response, i "I were tbar!" " Then tell the court and jury," said the attorney, " what you know.' The witness planted himself more Brmly on both feet, glanced around upon his auditors and thus delivered himself: " Well, you see, Mr. Robertson were a-sittin' in the back part of his store a-playin* of his fiddle, not a-thinkin' of bein' stobbed, nor nuthin' of the kind, when in como Mr. Johnson, and then and thar stobbed him: then he gathered a bung-starter, cleaned c**t the crowd, lipped thepalin', and cl'areil heself."?Harper's Magazine. FARM, GARDEN AND HOUSEHOLD. Sunflower. ' Tl Sow sunflower seeds in the spring ' around tumble-down sheds or any un- j seemly spots that you wish to hide, i jn After they are well xip and have received ; x, one hoeing they will need absolutely no j attention. The seeds, as we have before *rv said, arc excellent for poultry, both for | 0{ increasing the production of eggs and i nc the brilliancy of their plumage. ! js j ar Another Cure for Yellow*. j jn Professor Goessmann gives tlie fol- j ^ lowing as a cure for yellows in peach | trees. Apply potash salts to the suv- J face nnder the tree, and rake it in; then | mulch with old hay, leaves or straw, j Pj The German crude muriate of potash , ^ will be the least expensive. Use one 01 re two pounds, according 1o size ol: tree. ? Apply one pound in the late fall and the \ / same quantity in the spring. i SprcntliiiK Itlnuui'i*. ' It is always better to spread manure j as it is dra^n than to put it in heaps. When put in heaps a large portion of jj1! the soluble matter is left in the' tJ' ground under the heaps, and makes to these spots too rich, and of course de-! Pi prives the rest of tlio ground of its j proper share. When it is spread as j ** 4Ua*A 10 ?A TTQcffl fllO CAl'l *1 Q 1 % r U1UO ii IUC1D XO XiU nwoiV) I>UV WVM | mi equally benefited, and when the ground as is worked over in the spring with the t wheel-harrow i r the cultivator the 1 ^ whole is well mixed together. There is j G' also a saving of labor, as one handling i>( is avoided. ! (tl mi .Sheep. (" The Chicago Drovers' Journal tells w how a man of ordinary means can in a few years have a flock of sheep equal to the best: "Secure a few good common ewes at first," it says " and buy a purely bred ram every year or two toI couule with the best ewes in the flock, j ? .-t? * ?1..1 ti.n i rv udc1 i hi It'll iUl" mcun.fi i?uo iuiuiiu.l uuco. w Thus, by using none but thoroughbred 111 rams, p.r.d selecting each year the best atl ewes in the flock for reproduction, Fi sheep-growing may be made more hi profitable." Si ai: Dinrrhen In Cow*. When a cow is troubled with con- C( stant diarrhea, says an exchange, it is ci reasonable to Buspect the presence of Ir worms in the intestines. It would in this case be advisable to give her a pint of linseed oil with one pint of turpentine, and repeat the third day. If the j Bi diarrhea continues and no worms are h< discharged, repeat the same. If the ^ food is all right the oil and turpentine -j', should remove the diarrhea, although j 01; it may bo caused by indigestion and j ci not by worms. i ai; J I ot Delicate Ilnndx nnd Ilnrd Work. Have a number of thick liolderB hang-! jn ing up near the stove, so tliat there is j Bi no necessity of burning the hands with hot stove or kettle-handles. Too much soft soap will make the hands crack. jjj mi 1 i.i ?i 1.^ I , . XJUey Kliuum ttl?UJO uu naoucu XIX txuuu, ; ui soft'water immediately after dish-wash- on iiig or mopping. Five cents' worth of 1)0 borax dissolved in a quart bottle of soft water should always be found on the \y wash-stand, and it is desirable to rinse Es the hands in a little of the borax water |u two or three times a day. all Buttcritcotcli. t]i Take one pound of C sugar and nv three ounces of butter; place them in a preserving-kettle, or a clean, bright pan ^ will do; keep stirring it, and 'watch ?jj closely that it does not burn on the of edges; a trial is necessary to know when an it is done; drop a little of the mixture ! in cold water, and if it is brittle it is j right; just at the conclusion of the , cooking a teaspoonful of grated lemon ,, rind improves tho flavor; a piece ol ^ marble, well buttered, is the best to pour it out on, or take a tin pan, re- ir verse it, and pour the candy on the bottorn, always buttering it; score with a m' knive; to pour it on greased paper saves much trouble. Clienp but Oruninrntitl Ferurry. Take an old tin pan condemned to the j 6? retired list by reason of holes in the m bottom, get a few cents worth of green 3C paint, and paint it. Tho holes in the j P1 bottom are a recommendation for its ; new service. If there are no holes you P? must drill two or three, as the drainage If is essential. Now put a layer one inch ti deep of broken charcoal over tho bottorn, and then soil in the following ti proportions: One-half wood soil, so such as j ou find in forests under the in trees; cne-fonrth clean sand; onefourth meadow soil taken from under ! turf; mix with this some charcoid dust. I ni In this soil plant all kinds of ferns aud 1 P< /yiwnpnn a<1?va rtnf I Tl*l awuuijJ giaooca* aiuituu iuu ga^u j;uu . " ft border of money plant or periwinkle j th to hang over. This will need but ocea- i p< sional watering and will grow all win- cc ter in your room without sunny ex- P* posure." Suspend by wires if you prefer w a hanging basket. si et Habit of Exaggeration. ' m " I will skin you alive if you do that pi again," exclaimed a mother to a naughty tb child. It was a sort of hyperbolical le expression that has crept into frequent cc use, with a multitude of other expressions ca of similar character. She did not mean cc that she shodld proceed ':o flay the little j ce ones as butchers would a caif or lamb, j h( The execution of her threat would fill \ of her own soul with excessive horror. She ! af would not have strength to make much j w progress in the very barbarous work of j it skinning her child alive. It would not p< be motherly. ! g< "I will whip you within an inch of : tb your life," said a father to his erring i w! son. This would be a terrible whipping j ai indeed. Coming so near to death's door j cd with the rod would .be revolting. But; he did not mean this. He only meant 1 b( that he would administer a very severe ' re chastisement. No one would be more j m careful than he not to jeopardize the life | le of his son. His expression was only a ; n< form of exaggeration which society; ac seems to tolerate. gi How many precisely such speeches J ar are made in every circle? "It was tr done as quick as lightning." "He is as slow as a snail." " It is as hot as an of oven." " It is as cold as Greenland.' dc There is 110 end to such expressions, ar And they indicate that the habit of ex- ar aggeration is very strong in the human ' ec family. Human nature seems inclined fe to stretch the truth. That is the reason it that such strange stories are told, often ? becoming magnified to such an extent after having passed through several hands. "A story loses nothing by traveling," .is an old saving. It usually grows like a ball of r.now which school- ^ fellows roll. Every tongue that repeats it gives it an additional turning over, m by which it accumulates. Yet none Wl mean to exaggerate. i 8* It is a fault, however, is it not ? May > " it not be a sin ? It is certainly decep- ro tive to tell a child that you will skin ; w< him alive when you have no idea of perpetuating the infernal deed. Should \ ?e we not talk as we mean ? Let your yea ' in be yea, and nay nay. At least this n( should he done to children.?Home Monthly. ? co A Puris manufacturer claims to have fo discovered a process for subptftuting , of the leaves of the eucalyptus trei, which ! th in burning emit a delicious perfume, ' la for tobacco leaves in making cigars. th CURIOUS HISTORICAL RELIC. ie LBNt Will and TcManient of the Mother L' of CJeorge WnnhlnKton. The Rev. J. C. Cruikshank, the super-; tendent of schools in Passaic county, ! i . J., recently paid a "visit to his son in : ittrell, N. C., and there accidentally j i ade the acquaintance of a great nephew ; c George 'Washington, a gentleman j < imed Charles A. Thornton. The latter \ t a prominent gentleman in Eittrell, i i id had in his possession many interest- j i g relics connected with the history of j t e father of his country. Among others j s is the last will and testament of Mrs. j i ay Washington, the mother of the j 1 ;neral, an old document almost illegi- : I e with age and threatening to crumble ^ 1 pieces by handling. Mr. Cruikshank j 1 quested a copy of it and Mr. Thornton j f rnished it, together with a genealogy j 1 the family. Tins following is a copy j < the will a.<; furnished to Mr. Cruik-1 i tank by Mr. Thorn ton: j 1 THE WILL. In the nanic of Gcxl, Amen.?I, May Waul)- j ! gton, of Frali'rickHburg, in the County of j ' otsvlvania, being in good health but calling ( i miiul the uncertainty of this Life, and willing | ] dispose of mv Worldly Estate, do make anil i j iblish this mv last Will, recommending my I ul into the Hands of my Creator, hoping for ! e remission of all my Sins, through the Merits J d Mediation of Jesus Christ the Saviour of ankind. I dispose of all my Worldly Estato I follows: I Imprint).*.?I give to my Son, General George | ashington, all my Lands on Agcokeck Run, in ) e County of Stafford, and also :my negro boy i jorge, to him and His Heirs forever, also my I st l>ed, bedstead and Virginia Cloth Curtains | le same that stand in my best Room), my f lilted blue and Wliite Quilt, and my Best ! essing Glass. j Item.?I give lind devise to my Son, Charles i ashington, my negro man Tom, to him and j n Assigns for Ever. . Item.?I give and devise to my Daughter, j ' -iA" T OTI/1 mv hnv harHP i ? lhw.?I give anil devise to my Daughter iii ! i iw, Hanna Washington, my purple Cloth Cloak | ] ied with Shag. j Iton.?I give and devise to my Grand Son i >rbin Washington, my uegro Wench Old Bet, j 1 v riding Chair, and two black horses, to him I ( id his Assigns for Ever. I | Item.?I give and devise to mv grand Son , elding Lewis, my negro man Frederick, to ! , m and his Assigns for ever, also my Eight lvcr table Spoons, half of my Crockery Ware, j J id the blew and White Tea China, my Walnut i < Ktk Case, ovel Table, one Bed, led stead, one ! i *. Sheets, one Pr. blankets, and White Cotton j nintcrpain, Two table Cloaths, Six Red Leather i 1 lairs, naif of my pouter, and one-half of my j 1 on Kitchen Furniture. " I ] Ilciit,?I give and devise to my grand Son j iwrencc Lewis, my negro Wench Lydia, to him , id liiB Assigns for ever. Ilrrn.?l give and devise to my granddaughter ] jtty Carter, my negro Woman Lit tic Bet, and r future increase, to her and h?: Assigns for < er, also mv laigest iookiug glass, my Walnut ] ritingDesk?w ir.liDrawers?andSquaredining j iblo, one Bed, Bed Stead bolster and pillows, le blanket, otic l'r. Sheets, White Yirgiuia ' oth Connterpain and purple curtains, my Red 1 n! White Chin?., tea siwons, ana tue otnernan i , ray pouter, Crodiety-Warc, and the remainder ' j my Iron Kitclien Furniture. . Item.?I give :o my grand son George Wash- ! gton, my next best" Dressing Glass, and Bed, j d Stead", bolster, one pillow, one blanket, one j tir Slieots and Counterpain. Item.?I dense all my wearing apparel to l>e uallv divided between my grand Daughters, ; tty Carter, Fanny Hall and Milly Washington, j it should my Daughter Betty Lewis, fancvanv j 10 two or three articles, She" is to havo them fore a division thereof. Lastly.?I nominate and appoint my said Son 1 mi. George Washington, Executor of this my 1 ill?and as I owe few or no debtfi?I direct my : cecutor to give no Security, nor to appraise ; .. l?ti*a+si l*nf AnaWn wnnin mn.v hn ftllottofl my Devices with as little trou ble and delay ' may bo, desiring their acceptance tbereol au I the Token o)' my love I now have to give em. Iu witness whereof I have hereiuito net v Hand and S( al this 20th dav of May 1780. , MAY WASHINGTON,"[u s.] . Signed, sealed and pubihcd in the presence, and ;ned by ns in the presence i the ?d" Mtty Washington, id at her desire. ( John Forney Hocon, j' Witness - James Me veer, ( Joseph Walker. The Charles Washington, to whom j: nv negro man Tom" is devised in the j *st item, was the great grandfather of j1 r. Thornton, and the grandson George |1 'ashington, referred to in th j seventh ; 1 em, was the grandfather of Mr |1 hornton. ' : J Advice to Lovers,, The experience of a student at Stutt- irt Las been the cause of a tragedy j j ost painful and unnecessary. The , rang man fell love with a very, j etty girl, and his affection being duly j j ciprocated he wrote repeatedly to her j trents for their consent to a marriage, j < eceiving no answer he got out of pa- ( ence and poisoned himself, The next ly a letter came fr~m the parents with : mir consent. T^e young womun was i aggravated by her lover's lack of! dgment that she also consumed poison, id expired at his funeral. ; < The first mistake made by this young j < an was in writing to the parents. A ; i ;r-;onal interview with the father was j bat he should have sought, even j f lough it was likely to be at the ex-1 rase of a refusal. In the average i rartship, the needy lover and the mcde i i irent are natural enemies. The one { ith whom the young woman finally 1 des is the one that will win, and in the I I id her support is likely to go to the I an who Bhows the most persistent j t uck. "When a suitor does not tacKie ; te old man face to face, Irat writes i tters instead, it implies a lack of j >nfidenco in the justice of nis | ' .use. If he has the courage of his I invictions, the entire trust in the sin-! i irity of hie sweetheart's attachment, < i should regard the preliminary veto 1 ' her relative as merely a :aaark of his 1 Fectionate regard for his daughter's ] elfare?a disagreeable formality which j is well to get through with us soon as 1i jssible. Then the lover lias only to .? ) to work ?.nd provide himself with 1 le msans of independent f.npport f hen, if the young woman in of age, ' ul they remain of the same mind, they 1 in go and get married. ( But for any man to allow himself to 1 jlieve that his chance of happiness ' sts upon the reply of a parent, who f ay bo imbued with prejudice, to a;1 tter that may bo full of nonsense, is 1 jt wise. Letters are but written char- \1 iters, which may express, or may dis- ' lise the writer's thoughts. But facts e much more substantial, and may be * listed to stand wear and tear. If the suitor has neither the courage j 1 his convictions, nor confidence in the 1 imsel, he is certainly in a bad way, id perhaps would do well to emigrate id try to grow up with some young 1 mntry. Poison is not likely to make him el better. Indeed, so far as is known, | benefits no one but the undertakers. 1 JYeir York Sun. Jolly Rats on a Rocking>Horse. , A good rat story is told by a lady 1 110 lives on North Front street, which tows that rats can have a kind of hu- . or about them at times which they j 111 exercise even to the extent of for- ] itting their plundering propensities, j i the house of this lady was a child's 1 eking-horse, and every night the rat?. Duld jump on the rocking-horse and < art it rocking and rock it for hours, \ eminglv with the greatest enjoyment i tho world. At first, hearing the )ise, the peoplo couldn't imagine the < .use, and didn't know but t hat tho spir i had a hand in it; but when they . I .utiously peered out and saw the per-! 1 rmance, it became one of the marvels ] ' tho neighborhood to see tho rats in ] ieir gambols enjoying themselves, i i ughitig and having their fun rocking j j e horse.?Kingston (A. J .) Freeman. 1 j A $200,000 BET. I (inetrrn Hundred .11 Up* Acrom* Mnuntninn | nnd Plain* by Pony ExprrnH. A narrative of an exceedingly interest-1 ng occurrence is related in the St. Jo-; leph (Mo.) JVetrs.- In 1859 St. Joseph j vas the western terminus of railroad j :ommunication. Beyond the stage :oach, the saddle-horse and the ox- i rains were the only means of commerce md communication with the Kocky j uountains and the Pacific slope. In ! he winter of 1860 there was a "Wall! street lobby at Washington trying to get; >5,000,000 for carrying the mails over- j and one year between New York and j sail Francisco. The proposition was exremely cheeky, and William H. Russell,! jacked by Secretary of War Floyd, re- j solved to give the lobby a cold shower- j jatli. He therefore offered to bet 8200,-1 \nn ii. .j. l - n moil linp ! JUU UltU' lit) IUU1U JJUL uu iM ;rom Sacramento to St. Joseph, Mo., ;liat should make the distance?1,950 niles?in ten days. The bet was taken ind the eight of April fixed upon as the lay for starting. Mr. Russell called ipon his partner and general manager of business upon the plains, Mr. A. B. Miller, now a citizen of Denver, and stated svhat he had done, and asked if he could perform the feat. Miller replied: " Yes, sir; I will do it, and do it by a pony express." To accompusn tms alt. | Miller purchased 300 of the fleetest I liorses he could find in the West and I amployed 125 men. Eighty of | these men were to be post- j riders. Theso he selected with I reference to their light weight and their known daring and courage. It was very essential that the liorses should be loaded is light as possible; therefore the lighter ;he man the better. It was necessary that some portions of the route should be run it the rate of twenty miles an hour. The j liorses were stationed from ten to twenty niles apart, and each rider would be required to ride sixty miles. For the change ?f animals and the shifting of the mails two minutes were allowed. Where there tvcre no stage stations at proper distances tents sufficient to hold one man and two liorses were provided. Indians would sometimes give chase, but their cayuse ponies made but sorry sliow in tneir stern chase after Miller's thoroughbreds, many 3f which could make a single mile in a minute and fifty seconds. All arrangements being completed a signal gun on the steamer at Sacramento proclaimed the meridian of April 8, 1S60?the hour for starting?when Border Ruffian, Mr. Miller's private saddle liorse, with Billy Baker in the saddle, bounded away toward the foothills of the Sierra Nevadas, and made his ride of twenty miles in forty-nine minutes. The snows were deep in the mountains, and one rider was lost for several hours in a siresi-stnrm ; and after the Salt Lake valley was reacHectacoMticnal speed became necessary to reach St. Jo^plL on -tilff0" ' i ?11 f rom nere on iui ?eui ?cxi uuiu vuw Platte was to be crossed at Julesburg. The river was up and running rapidly, but the rider plunged his horse into the flood, only, however, to mire into the quicksand and drown. The courier succeeded in reaching the shore, with his Qiail-bag in hand, and traveled ten miles on foot to reach the next relay. Johnny Fry, a popular rider of his day, was to make the finish. He had sixty miles to ride, with six horses to do it. When the last courier arrived at the sixty-mile post, out from St. Joseph, he was one hour behind time. A heavy in oti/1 flio wnrrt Llllll 11UU net in iuui vuv/ w.v Hiipjjery. Two hundred thousand dollars might turn upon a single minute. Fry had just three hours and thirty minutes in which to win. This was the finish of the longest race, for the largest stakes, ever run in America. When the time for liis arrival was nearly up at least five thousand people stood upon the river bank, with eyes turned toward the woods from which the horse *nd its rider should emerge into the open country in the' rear of Elwood?one mile from the finish. Tick, tick, went thousands of watches! The time was nearly up! But seven minutes remained! Hark! a shout goes up from the assembled multitude, " He comes! lie comes!" The noble little mare, Sylph, the daugh:ed of little Artlnir, darts like an arrow from the bow and makes the run of the last mile in one and fifty seconds?landing upon the ferryboat with five minutes ind a fraction to spare. , The Bath of the Wanderer. Burdet.fe, the humorist of the Burling;on Ifawkejje, in one of his letters, writen on a railroad train while on a lecturng tour, perpetrates the following: " There is the honest emigrant," said the tall, thin passenger. "1 be- j ieve he is going to wash his face." And really it did look as though that, vas the man's mad intention. He had j yone to a clear pool of water beside the ; rack, and was apparently getting ready j 'or his ablutions. " See him peel off his raiment," said he man on the woodbox. "He hasn't very much to peel off," the 'at passenger said. " Wait," said the tall, thin passenger," j ' he hasn't got started yet." The emigrant first unwrapped a com'orter from his neck and then slowly took j )ff a gray overcoat, with a short waist and I ong skirts, reaching to his heels. Then le unwound a led woolen comforter from [ lis neck, and then took off a short pea acket of a heavy blue cloth. Then he' mwrapped a gray comforter from liis neck md took off a leather jacket, very tight itting and verv greasv. He then unwoimd j ? t.:.. 1, ??,1 i long nannei scan num uu ncm mm ook off a black vest, and then lie released 1 lis neck from the folds of a gray woolen ; oinforter, and then he took off a red vest md unwound another comforter, and then ' ' t li 1 io took oil' another vest ana a iiauuei scarf that was tied around his neck, and mother vest and another comforter and mother flannel scarf and another vest and mother scarf and another vest and another comforter and another vest? " That man has robbed a clothing i louse," said the cross passenger. The emigrant, calmly unwrapped from his neck a long red woolen comforter? " I wonder," said the fat passenger, j !t if ho got through the custom house hat way?" And then took off another vest? " Why," exclaimed the tall thin >iisHongt>r, "he is no bigger tlian I am." And then he unrolled another comforter from his neck? " By George," exclaimed the man on ho woodbox, "he'll got down to his Mines in two more ' peels."" And the emigrant calmly unbuttoned mother vest ? Suddenly the whistle of the train was lioard in the distance, and another of :he. party of immigrants shouted to the ivould-bo bather: " Jarliche .Tans Krund Bjorneke Bjorn-, jkessen ! Hoflickedionon dgakrominieke thorlik jd sounden da suioekerich ach es la trainege ansegekoinniek." And then the race began. The train i-ame along, waited three minutes and iped away, and long, long after we left the station we could look back and see j that rash emigrant, from the land Njordvaldsen, shooting himself into a job lot of party-colored vests, and hauling upon hiuisolf an avalanche of comforters, in the vain hope of snowinghiinself under in time to catch the next train I FOK THE FAIR SEX. Nearly 873,000,000 of United State bonds are owned by women. General Garfield has a niece who studying medicine in Boston. The Mobile Young "Men's" Christia association; has seventy-five lady men bers. At Bodie, recently, a Mexican playe his wife off at a game of poker, and si cheerfully went with the winner. One society lady in Buffalo, says tl Courier, earned $2,000 last vear by hi * " 1 1 SKIII in ii pupiuur uiuuv.ii i/i an. There are only three liulies livir whose husbands were presidents of tl United States?Mrs. Polk, Mrs. Tvl and Mrs. Lincoln. There are 500 women in Portlan Me., who are obliged to support famili of from one to six children. Their hu bands are either dead or in jail f drunkenness. A New York girl, whose father spe: all his money abroad and died in po erty, was compelled to seek employmer She was forced to leave her position saleswoman in a half dozen differe " "M" in Paris because she was ve r>tuitu AM * beautiful and was persecuted by h employers. She finally became a mod< and the artists all respect her. Spring DrcHMOH. The spring dresses are short suits wi narrow skirts, on which are permanent draped most vohuninous overdress* The corrugated folds, involutions, ai ! curved draperies of the soft stuffs usi for overdresses are marvelouslv grac I ful, and when to these are added i | trousse facings with new panier effecl 1 and the gay bayadere garnitures, t] I dress becomes intricate beyond descri J tion. The foundations of the dress ai j however, unchanged, as the basque wi [ trimmed shirt remains the prevailii j style. But the basques vary from tl simpliest ana snonesi now wuru i-u u long snrtout?an English surtout i lieved of its severe plainness by Frem taste?and this surtout is worn over skirt as elaborately trimmed and drap< as those made for the shortest basqui i The lower skirt is more often plait j than jjlain, and while some ve showy skirts are laid in long sing kilt plaits enriched only by a wii J border of trimming, many othe i have from three to live flounc I visible^that pail of the skirt whe the o^^sss is Bclsfiwn liighei side plaits, but tha Sitter are usually these are heaped nporr caught down half their lengtli, are?-< 1 ?i -- - i;v/? (? lowed to spreau oui m u iuu "UAt Ai J Sometimes the entire front of the sk is disclosed, showing live plaited flou ces, while the overskirt is draped ba 46Th#HSMeSi~arothersTlae Greet" skirt is draped up on one side only, a: that almost to the belt, in order to sh< single plaitings that go from the belt the foot of the lower skirt. The flounc now used that are shirred at the top a: folded below in plaits, are also in grt favor, and most flounces are wide bordered with the material used 1 trimming, or the figured stuflf that is combination with the plain material. Bavdere stripes are the striking nc cities for combining with plain fabri< and require to be most carefully use and most sparingly, mese come in s? satin Surah, which is twilled silk wi satin surface, like the fabric milline called satin merveileux, and also in fi woolen goods of the richest colorin ombre, or shaded, with often metal] stripes woven in, especially lines of g or of steel. These stripes" are used f the entire plaited skirts (at least as f as the skirt is visible), or else for be I dering plaiting skirts of plain stuffs; al for flounces and for bordering flounc< The overskirt of plain surface is n bordered, its edges being usually turn* under out of sight, and sewed to tl lower skirt, but the curved back drape often has wide revers of the strijies i i each side, or else around the curve ! the bottom. The retrousse side piece ! like flat paniers and aprons, are usual j faced with these gay stripes on tl i turned-uj) part. Some basques have | striped retrousse facing on each side, ai | some only on one side. The basqi j shows the gay stripes in a plaited pic j tron, or else in a folded narrow vest th j may trim its entire front, or else stop i tin. linp The sleeves have tl narrowest possible facings of the stripe This plan of combination, noted f crosswise stripes, prevails for varioi materials; thus the basque and overski are of the solid-colored fabric. T1 plastron or vest, the collar, cuffs, r trousses, sometimes sashes, and the skii or its flounces, are of the figured mat rials. Lengthwise stripes are used : the same way; also checker-board pa terns, blocks, plaids, and plain Surahs contrasting colors; a few brocaded trir mings and combinations are seen, bi these are no longer displayed as the fir choice; the Egyptian brocades are, hoi ever, so quaint and antiquated-lookii that they are very effective, especial for trimming the white buntings ar other soft wool dresses. The new basques arc single-breaste and fit as smoothly as a Jersey c around the hips, until they reach tl middle forms of the back, where tin are folded in two box plaits that may 1 trinlfi or ouadruple, and are open i the middle seam to show the layers folds or plnits. In order tc keep tl round basque perfectly smooth over tl hips, it is loaded by weights of lead hold it down, and these weights are n confined to the front and back as present, when only four or six are use but there are now ten or twelve weigh placed at intervals around the bascpie the facing that completes it. Sometim the left side form of the basque is mai very much longer than that on the rig' side, and is caught up by a bow of ri bon 011 the plaits of the middle fori In others, there are four box plaits the middle, behind, that reach nearly the bottom of the lower skirt: these a arranged in pairs, two above the oth two, are lined with crinoline, and a each as wide as the whole breadth tsilk usoil for lining tliem; they are ui< folded in triple plaits, and are press* flatly into shape; they do not look sti liecausc they are usually relieved 1 sashes of striped stuff, and they fi amidst the intricate curved draperi that are attached to the skirt. TI fronts of basques are made often to tu upward and back, and are faced witht) biiyadere stripes. Sometimes only t] right front is turned up, and the strip* Surah facing continues as a sash, pa* itig under the long box-plaits of tl middle form to the left side, where falls in a straight single sash end to t] foot of the dress. The plaited plf tron inserted in a Pompadour srpiai or else with the lower part curvi or pointed on the bust, is t] most usual trimming for the froi though there are many folds and shirr pieces in long vest shape. A bow narrow ribbon is tied in front at t waist line across such plai tings, ai ! sometimes there are wide ribbons tli tie in one huge bow on the left si(" Two standing collars are on dresses wi striped plastrons; one of these?t! inner collar?is striped, and passes i I around the neck, while the outer one, I plain goods, is cunliiud to the back. at most begins where the plain material of the waist begins. Five box-plaits, )S each an inch wide, form a stylish plastron; this is piped all around with the . plain goods. A great many dresses have 13 Byron collars of striped "stuff; others i have a straight piece of striped Surah 111J like a ribbon, six or eight inches wide, a* J gathered to the middle of the back of | the neck, passing around to the front, <1 j and having a single loop and two ends ie j to finish what recalls the neck-ribbon of ! old times. Buttons are small and inie j conspicuous on these new basques, beer ing confined to fastening the front, I where they are often hidden out j of sight by the many folds, plaits and , ? ! shirrinpp of the trimmings. Pockets are gr seldom seen on these new garments or on the newest outside wraps. Belts and , | a hanging hag take the place of hip ' | pockets. The curved drapery is like 63 I that known as hooped drapery, with the lS" | length not caught up by plaits down the or sides, but drawn up to the belt and plaited there; the ends are not cut apart below, but are in a continuous curve. There v" are quite as many long overskirts as '* there are short ones, but the object in 118 all seems to be to "corrugate" them; that is, to wrinkle into many folds the *7 soft stuff that lends itself so easily to er this graceful draping. Sleeves re;1? tain the coat shape, and are most simply trimmed at the wrists, 1 with a tendency to gathering up the ini side scam shorter on the arm than the Hi I 1 ?? *.l/v^T?a T?nminora (irirl I lower part ui mc oicgiv. D~ v piping folds of * contrasting color will :sj ! pla7 a fa* more important part in trimUJ mings than they have ever yet done. ?<* For very dressy costumes, a great dea e" of lace, Very fully gathered, will be used; e" | for black dresses, Spanish lace is chosen; j?'! while for lighter dresses, white lace of Je ; the inexpensive kinds is colored as dark 1}* as coffee yellow, and is also used in great '*? | quantities. There are some soft, crushed-looking rosettes of Surah, but the }1S prettiest dresses and mantles have many bows?each of many loops heaped upon each other?of satin ribbed about two "?" inches wide; these are at the throat and waist line, in the cuffs, the back of the ft basque, and on the retrousse sides of the skirt.?Bazar. ;s. ed ry The Xew Society Reporter. ie " Well, how did you get along at the party last night ?" asked the city editor of ; a new reporter, whom he had engaged the I day before and whom he had sent to I write up a social occasion. ?' " Not very well," responded the new i*?$>oxter, gloomily. " I don't think ^ Brooklyn society is the top notch racket ^ tbemattgry* {U^mandedHi^ ft ***" ie^??y1^Sj''Uw^edha6 new reporter. ,rNowy T lrant up there and w^ed.<xig^ into^^fpp. "r," told him we were laying out to swell then? heads in to-day's issue, and he'd better . skip in and introduce me to some of the high bugs if he calculated to have his 'j name mentioned in the report." . " What did he say .to that ?" asked the city editor, with a calm gleam in his eye. i J " He wanted to know who sent me. * I . told him the main guy of this literary bank had fired me in there, and that I when I'd got through shaking a leg I'd ' ' j like some facts about the lay out. If V I he couldn't give'em, I told'him he'd .! | better get the secretary to heel up pretty "f 1 - " ? J.1-- T-_l? ? *V lively, or ia give me wuuib uumi u deal'in the paper that would make him !rs think every hair on his head a band of ae music and all playing different tunes." " And what did he say to that ?" in..? j quired the eitv editor, the gleam deep1 ening ominously. or " Oh, he said he would do what he ar could for me. I told him he'd better ,r" hop right at it, and first I wanted to meet 80 the gals. If he calculated to hold the ?'s" I friendship of the Eagle, I said, he didn't ? I want to waste much fnnny business before he had me bumping around in the i f 1 j mazy, ne mahi 11 x u go up>uui? uuu take off my hat and overcoat, he'd see me later."" a " Did you do it ?" asked the city edi!.8' tor, in a "constrained tone. * "No. I said I wanted some grub Ie first. So he took me down in the front '? kitchen and asked mo if I liked ld j boned turkey. I told him I'd take a leg ie and some of the breast. "What do you "s" think he gave me ? Head-cheese! If a* he didn't you can lick me. I couldn't eat that, and so I asked him for a glass ie of beer and a cheese sandwich. He said j l8' j he had some wine, so I drank a bottle ! 0r I nn/1 nuf n pmmlfl in mv Dockets." " wiiat did you do then ?" interrogated the city editor, fingering a length of ie gas pipe. " I went up to the parlor, and he said ' Fd better take a description of the scene .e" j before I danced, and he gave me the 111! names. Here they are: Mary Monroe, red *! frock, white sack and hair bunched; j Emma Lathrobe, yellow dress and highn" heeled slippers; Marion WiHoughbv, llJ ! some kind of thin stuff, white, and tied ' up with blue tape, and hair frizzled; *" Jennie Murchison, black clothes and a feather in her hair; Ella Wexford, red *. : hair and gray suit, flat in front and stuck ul out behind;*Pauline Tresley?I tell you, j . : boss, she was a daisy. Bigger'n a tub, and j j. dressed to the top branch. She had on a 1,11 velvet outfit a mile long and sixteen rows xe of teeth on her gloves. Her head was P' j dead yellow, tied up like a l)e bun, and liad a lot of vegetables ll'1 in it. Florence ltoss, green 0 dress, flipped with velvet and hoisted up i0 i at the side with a white check rein ; Vin,ie ' nie Hammerslv, wliite net work with red t0 i streaks, walked with a limp and hair fres ot cood That's all I got. There was a lot of olil pelicans there, but I know you "? didn't oare for them, anil as for the men, .ts I tohl 'em it would cost 'em a dollar 111 apiece to get in, and as they wouldn't put |-s up I shoved 'em. I can state that they ie ; were a cheap lot who don't know any ) more about society than a lig does of politics, and tliat'll teach 'em a lesson. ? And I say, we'd better give the chairman 111 a nib. He didn't introduce me to a soli'? tarv hen. Bettor say that he hasn't paid re his gas bill for seven months, and that or ; day before yesterday his accounts were r? ' found short. What do you think ?" ot " Got any moio about that party V" de31J i manded the city editor, rising slowly. 1 " Notliing, only that the grub wasn't lit j to eat, though furnished by that popular ' i , caterer, Mr. Traphagener. I told him I'd ill, {rive him a puff. You may say, too, that es the whole party was a dead failure on account of the villainous treatment to which !*n our new society reporter was subjected J10 when he asked for a handful of cigars. l(.'; Say what have you got for me to do to: night V" 's* j " Not a tiring," yelled the c'.tv editor, ~e I as he brought the gaspine acoss the new " t reporter's ear. " You infernal reptile. 'ie ; don't you know that was one of the best us* houses in town and the affair the tin est of v? the season V" " I'm going back to St. Paul," groaned 'l0 the new reporter, as lie fell downstairs. ,f> "If that's Brooklyn society I'm going sd where they have some style," and he ?f struck off toward the Northwest, largely '1(? afoot.?Hrookhm Kinjle. id iat' le. Coal is nothing else than ferne, mosses th and sea-weeds, petrified beneath the lie nurfaoe of water iu the absence of air. ill There are no less than 850 different of sjrevies of plants petrified into coal, of or which 2">0 at least are gigantic. ferns. At Sunset. When life's low sun is sinking slow and sad, How cold and sharp tho lengthened ahadows fall! They lie projected on the straightened path, Whose narrow point?a grave?must end it all* 80 light a thing?a wavering look, a doubt, Some small and slender fear- impedes tn? light; And yet it ia enough to darken heaven, And fill the eoul with terror and with night. There is no time for youth's divinest rage, Hours of recall, that knit the chain anew; The flower may bo reset, and live; the tree Uprooted once, must perish where it grew. * Oh, Life! so grudging in your gifte, redeem By one great boom the losses of the past. Oive me a full, imperishable faith, And let the light be with me to the last ?MaryL. Bitter, in Scribner.. I HUMOROUS. ??? ?- r- - '7T''S| Small talk?A baby's prattle. " A bird in the hand is worth two * ?dollars and a half, if it happens to bo a canary. Barber: " Thin out your hair a bit, sir?" Customer: "No, never mind. " My wife attends to that. But just oil it well." When it is announced that a politician is in the hands of his friends, it is un derstood that they will taKe nun noma all right. There is a good deal of human nature in the canary. He never feels so much like lifting np his voice as when others are talking. The hard compounds of rubber are now used for veneering furniture. Excellent imitations of ornamental woods are produced. * A Bridgeport man bays his vAie is only half like a telescope. He can draw her out, but he can't shut her up.?Norrit town Herald. " People generally dream of their oo cupations," says the Philadelphia Newt. i The body-snatcher must have a nice I time of it when he's asleep. jg | A tailor was startled the other day by ; the return of a bill, which he had bent | to an editor, with a notice that the " manuscript was respectfuliydeclined." Weighers and guagers are not, ex a class, much heavier than other men, but they frequently weigh five hundred pounds, and sometimes a ton.?Cambridge Tribune. " Tm saddest when I sing," writes a musical poet. Don't sing tlfen. We'll excuse you. Our heart's as big as our -fg%n^ personal appearance, perhaps, ^ wgraffifl^Q- let the individual alone " when he 19 Tip. A boy who found a $2,000 check returned it to its owner and received five cents as a reward. We are glad to see " that virtue is in sympathy with the < general business boom?it may now be fairly quoted at five cents.?Puck. She many euitora did refuse, With air compressed and calm ; ' Bnt when the nght one asked her hand, He carried off the palm. -Puck. But a change came .o'er the maiden's dream, Another suitor came: " ' one Biraiguiwuy wxm a?B} UU And palmed it off again. ?Elecated Hallway Journal. A young man who had married a"' woman more than twice his age, was asked by a friend how he came to make such a choice. He answered: " I had lately finished the perusal of a pamphlet to show that this country would be visited by another panic in a few years, and I thought it prudent to select a wife who wouldn't require to be dressed like a young iady."?Brooklyn Eagle. The Country of the Boers. South Africa, speaking in the rough, v is a semi-circle, the shore line of which is low and level, while the interior rises in two or three tolerably distinct steps I to a high plateau. The hills and moun-. , tains which forms these steps runs, on v I the whole, parallel with the seashore, while the rivers form the radii between the center, which is the interior plateau, and the periphery, which is formed by the sea. The two largest rivers, the Orange ? and the Limpapo, How respectively in a westerly and easterly direction. The * northern boundary of the South African iemi-circle is formed by the tropic of Capricorn. The territory thus limited is capable of supporting a great ' * empire?an empire, moreover, which can support itself and has a position of . ? matchless security. It has the most . salubrious climate known to medical soi- " ence. Tha soil produces evervthing needed by a civilized and luxurious people. Nevertheless, this empire has not interested mankind greatly save as a stopping place on the way between the PiumMn Cifatoa nnr? colonies in Asia. In that capacity the Dutch occupied the cape in 1652, by the proclamation of a Surgeon Ribeck. Some ad; venturers, mostly Dutchmen, settled at the cape, their wives being furnished -, j them by the Dutch government, ^ ! which emptied its workhouses for that purpose. These Dutchmen had no * . j difficulty in taking from the Hottentots what land they wanted, and a man who chose to leave the settlement usually went where he pleased, the Hottentots j being either his slave or his game. The ! Dutch Boers?an appropriate name? ! were joined by Huguenots and Germans, i and the result was a peculiar mixture. The Boer of to-day has a language of his i own, the basis of which is Dutch; he is , j tough, bold, vulgar; he is an intense \?b i Calvinist; he detests English freedom; ! he looks upon the African tribes as his slaves; his institutions are patriarchal; %, I most Boers read, and many ot them | write; they hold science, art and reline; ment in contempt. ... 1 ' a Bicycling. Bicycling is a hopeful sign of progress. If that man is a benefactor who "makes f . i two blades of grass grow where but one ' grew before," he should come in for a i share of praise who teaches a man to go ; ten miles as easily and as quickly as he " j previously went four. "Time is money," i and whatever of it is saved is often so > much cash. As the bicycle serves its * I pui-pose in this direction, it may be regarded as a good savings institution. We think that decided good will come ' out of this institution. Biding the 1 bicycle affords pleasurable excitement, which is what most men drink liquor for, and it leaves no sting behind. It takes men i out into the pure air, iuto God's light and sunshine, and braces their lungs with the very breath of heaven. Ifc stimulates them to save money which | they might otherwise spend foolishly, that they may. invests in a machino ; which is a source of health and pleasure, as well as of utility. It is an inducej ment to young men who work in close j apartments to spend more time in the open air, and furnishes them with a moons of healthful, invigorating, and, at the same time, pleasant exercise, ouch as nothing else can possibly afford.? ' />/ ./. T. Goddard. - JX